Dennis Rox
The 'Dennis Rox' podcast is a deep dive into the intricacies of personal development, self-growth, and the obstacles one may face on the way. Hosted by Eldar with regular guests Mike, Anatoliy, Phillip and Katherine, and Tommy the conversations explore themes such as anxiety, self-sabotage, the pursuit of happiness beyond materialism, and the complexities of love and relationships. Other topics include the impact of societal values on personal fulfillment, humility, and the often misconceived notions of success and wealth.
Through personal stories, philosophical debates, and thoughtful discussions, they explore various aspects of challenging one self and achieving personal growth. The conversation often shifts from individual experiences to broader societal critiques and is characterized by a focus on depth and seeking genuine understanding over superficial conclusions.
Dennis Rox
109. The Unseen Role of Anxiety in Shaping a More Authentic Self
Have you ever felt a gnawing discomfort when your actions don't quite line up with your beliefs? It's a common experience that can evolve into anxiety, a theme we tackle head-on in our latest episode. Together with insightful discussions and personal tales, we dissect the roots of this emotional unrest, offering a path to alignment and self-discovery that could just be the key to unlocking a more authentic, controlled life.
Anxiety can often act as a mirror, reflecting our internal struggles and false beliefs—but what if we could use it as a tool for growth instead of a source of distress? Join us as we navigate the complex interplay between cognitive dissonance, self-worth, and our deepest aspirations. Through candid conversations, we probe how facing anxiety with honesty and the support of therapy can lead to transformation, challenging the stigma that surrounds mental health and reframing our perspective on personal development.
In relationships, our self-perception, and the pursuit of our goals, anxiety is an ever-present companion. This episode peels back the layers of how intimacy, financial independence, and embracing the present moment are intertwined with our inner dialogues of anxiety. We ponder the balancing act between personal improvement and self-acceptance, all while sharing guiding insights to help you navigate life's complex emotional landscape and emerge with a stronger sense of self and purpose.
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On this week's episode. So anxiety is a conflict in the consciousness of conscious? I think so, or it's a byproduct of that right.
Eldar:It's a byproduct of those two clashing.
Mike:You don't trust yourself to make decisions, but you constantly making decisions, exactly, and you're living out the things that you believe about yourself, which are not true either.
Eldar:Yeah, we're giving you the blessing. You should listen to us. You should actually do it, whatever it takes. How can I understand it differently? And then, how do I act it out properly in reality? If you can marry those two and you have the truth, that anxiety will start to dissipate.
Tommy:Oh wow, I haven't even thought of that.
Eldar:So the question is anxiety. Where does anxiety come from?
Mike:Yeah, like, how does it develop All?
Eldar:right, perfect. I think that's an important topic to talk about. It's a very interesting one and can be complicated. So what is the idea around this question that you wanted us to kind of examine that you had about it, and then I'll try to think about it, because I'm thinking on the fly on it.
Mike:So you want me to tell you what I thought about it. So I thought about it when you asked me at first I'm like that's a crazy question. I never thought about it. How does it develop? And I thought about it for a minute and I was like to me it sounds like when you go against yourself, when you violate yourself, go against things that, whether you consciously or subconsciously or unconsciously know that, are bad, they don't line up with the truth and that is part of that. That's what develops anxiety. I mean, I said it in a confusing way. I don't know if you understand me. I understood what you're saying?
Eldar:You're saying that anytime that you kind of go against yourself, for example, if you know what the right thing to do in a specific moment, but you do the opposite you don't act on that stuff that can breed or cause anxiety, for example. So incongruence between thoughts and actions can cause anxiety.
Mike:I thought that was one of them. I mean, I'm not sure if there's other ones, but that was the one that came to my mind as a big one.
Eldar:I think so too. I think anxiety is probably already a very specific mechanism that I think is birthed by those types of instances that, like you said, if you're going against yourself in many different moments, it slowly builds in you. That anytime that your body and your mind senses that it's almost like a PTSD reaction, almost, I think, to a very specific scenario, stimuli or whatever it is, anxiety is a result or maybe a protection or maybe a warning sign to that something's about to go wrong, almost right, like something's off here, all right, and most of the time I think what's off is actually you not properly. Number one, understanding the situation. Number two, applying yourself to it. So therefore you will feel anxiety, right.
Eldar:So maybe one time you didn't do it, you like got a little bit of fear right. Second time you did it, you got more fear. Third time, now it's like now you're anxious, like, okay, I've been here before but I'm constantly failing this situation. Now you're giving yourself anxiety. Let's just say, right, now it's already bred in you. Now it's an automatic response to a very specific situation that you have mastered or have not understood right. But in general anxiety I think that people have there's probably an accumulation of many different scenarios where they have mastered themselves, don't understand themselves and therefore they're just kind of like a pinball machine pinball, pretty much right when the ball just goes all over the place at any given moment. You don't know where it's going to land, how it's going to go, and that's, I think. The anxiety almost is like that. But you don't know yourself, you go against what you truly believe, which is probably inside of you, and anxiety is probably almost the result of pointing to you that you've been living the wrong.
Mike:But to me I thought it was interesting. What you're saying is what I also, I guess, inferred is that you subconsciously go against yourself, but you still suffer the consequences of it, even though you were not conscious of where you went wrong in that moment, which is a crazy like in a way maybe not crazy, but it sounds crazy like you still suffer those consequences of going, violating yourself, even though if it was under, like you didn't know any better or you didn't recognize the situation, or do you think that's the thing, I think, that's the conflict between the conscious and subconscious.
Mike:So anxiety is a conflict between the conscious and subconscious? I think so, or it's a byproduct of that right.
Eldar:It's a byproduct of those two clashing, right. You kind of know, you kind of have some kind of intuition, but you don't act on it and your subconscious almost is what produces the wrong results. Right, and then anxiety is the grade that you've gotten and received. You receive. You're deserving of this grade now. Right, when you do something.
Eldar:Right, let's just say you do a kind act to someone, right, you put a smile on somebody's face. Right, and you did it out of kindness of your heart, it was the correct action, everything aligned to your belief system. Right, at this moment, I need to give this dollar, for example, to this person. Right, put a smile on their face and you receive them and return a feeling right, of gratitude or whatever it is from that person, and then you put a smile on your own face. That's like a very simple kind of like okay, outcome to what you thought, believed, did and done. I think the anxiety part is where all that stuff that's been accumulating over time with many, many different moments and instances, right, and it's finally kind of showing you like, oh, like you've done so wrong so many times that you are almost like. The anxiety is where you're supposed to live and this is what you've earned right for yourself oh wow, that's interesting.
Eldar:It's a grade. It's a mental grade of yourself pretty much right, meaning that you have not been living in accordance to the truth. Let's just say I don't think the person who, for example, we talked about the bad person last time right, the person who knows that, like doesn't know that it's wrong but does wrong, I don't think they have anxiety, they just do it and they don't have remorse.
Tommy:They don't have any of that stuff right.
Mike:They're acting in accordance to what they actually believe, believe, so then in that case they don't know of anxiety, even though they're doing the wrong thing, correct, they don't believe it's the right thing. So it's not a conflict. There's no conflict there. And anxiety it's usually. You don't typically get it off of like you do one time. It has to be an accumulation of the same action. Oh yeah.
Eldar:I think, anxiety if it's actual anxiety I think it's already then you could call it disease almost right.
Eldar:As a result of you keep hitting the same wall over and over and over and over again. Right, that's accumulated to now automatic responses of anxiety, anxious states where you could just be bombarded from anywhere you don't even know. A lot of times people won't even know like, oh, should I have anxiety from somewhere? You know they don't even know what they're anxious about. But if you really track it back, you can see that they've put themselves in situations where they didn't respond properly and they were in accordance to the truth and therefore anxiety is a way of mechanisms to almost protect themselves, protect them from maybe experiencing something even worse.
Tommy:Yeah, maybe even I don't know. I mean, for me I've definitely struggled with like what's it called? Like manic behavior? Sure, tell me, expand it. You know, manic behavior for me is just basically okay. So, like, let me hit you with this interesting question that I had for myself the other day. It was is there a difference between like enjoying entertainment or like paying for entertainment and paying out of excitement, or like, or like you know, spending out of excitement or enjoying entertainment by paying for entertainment? See what I mean. So, like one for me would be, like a manic behavior for me would be okay, like I'm feeling this great feeling, like I'm going to go out and buy this thing, and it could be art supplies or it could be anything, a camera, it could be a new computer or it could be whatever.
Tommy:And just that feeling in the moment is like, okay, I'm not dealing with the rest of my stuff because here's this reward. See what I mean. And this kind of manic behavior can be why do you, why do I don't sell can be anything. It could be excitement about just manic behavior, can be excitement about just you. You like now have you can put your attention to this whole, your whole attention to this thing. Why do you? Coin as manic though I don't understand.
Tommy:Why it sounds like maybe, maybe, maybe, impulsive yeah because of bipolar, I guess you could say so like I kind of struggled with that right, kind of struggled with these, you know, and there are reasons for that I think that I'm not going to go into. But the point is, is that manic behavior for me, realizing it, recognizing it, it was? I think what I'm trying to say here is it could be like a kind of offshoot of that feeling of anxiety, because your way of dealing with it is by, like you know, sometimes manic behavior involves, like like high, very, a huge amount of happiness, and that happiness could be kind of paired, like it could be what's it called? It could kind of go with that spending problem that, to those two, were kind of symptoms in a way like high amount of happiness, your understanding is example of manic behavior, quickly talking, that kind of thing you know, and like you know, it's not.
Tommy:It's not. For me it wasn't very frequent, but but to know it was like one step in the right direction of like how to care for myself.
Mike:I mean, I would call it impulsive behavior based on what?
Eldar:he described right Like that's impulsive, but I guess maybe in his mind the way he perceiving it yeah, or the way he's judging it right. It's more erratic than that.
Tommy:Well, I don't think you guys knew me at this time. No, I don't think we were even friends at this time.
Eldar:Yeah, and I think that probably, you know, manic behavior is probably a cousin of anxiety. For sure, there's probably a branch of it, right? But just to try to stay on topic and not complicated yeah, it's like a lot of pacing and things like that.
Tommy:very unusual, very unusual behavior and usually marked by being one.
Mike:Pacing and decisiveness, pacing all that stuff, it's all anxiety yeah.
Tommy:Fearful, then that for me was like what a denial of my anxiety at this time. I think, All right, that's how I see it now at least.
Eldar:Okay, anxiety, a feeling of worry, nervousness or an ease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome, right. So a feeling of worry, right, something that comes on to you, right, and where your mind is maybe processing a situation that might come up. It's not even in reality yet, right, it could be something in the future, right, but nonetheless your mind is perceiving and doing things, playing this trick of anxiety, and I really think that it's because you don't have the proper connections between applying your reasoning and understanding of it to reality, and especially through actions, because you don't have that congruent, proper, almost structure right thought, right right speech, right action. Right, between the three, and they haven't exercised it enough, you find yourself in a state of anxiety that now your mind is tricking you to think that there might be something else, there might be this, there might be that. You're not really sure. You're always in the state of uncertainty. It says, like you're not sure. So who is sure? Right? Who's supposed to be sure?
Mike:Yeah, I guess. I wonder, though, unlike that road to developing the anxiety, do you think there is that split second where we consciously make that choice to not be conscious, like you know, like we know, like, yeah, what we're about to do is wrong, but we don't like really give it the attention because it's like kind of scary to look at it and we're more inclined to act out of you see, we have other reasons to behave, the opposite.
Eldar:Yes, I think that we have reasons.
Eldar:Attachments desires and things like that, right, I think, a lot of times, for example, I think the reason why we can maybe let's just say practice courage or be true to ourselves and true to others, right Is because we want to save face, keep the social status right, make sure we're likable. So we people, please, and stuff like that. And I think that's where we give birth to anxiety because of the fact that, like, hey, this person just said something or did something and that clearly inside of me disagree with them, right, and I actually don't like it, and something's telling me to say something. You know what I mean, but if I don't, I'm going to have a level of cognitive dissonance there where I feel, and I know what's the right thing to do, I'm clearly honest here and I understand this, but you don't do anything about it. Therefore, right, you going against yourself, like you said, you're not true to yourself, you're not true to the situation, right? So potentially, your mind is have this like little confusing state where it's like what do I do? On one hand, I know how I'm feeling, this is not right, but then you can't do anything about it, right, you don't say anything, you don't do anything in accordance to that and therefore you almost get this war, internal war, internal conflict of uncertainty.
Eldar:And if this continues to build, I think then it becomes an automatic reaction to the world and to reality. Because you misperceived or incorrectly behaved right, for whatever reason, that was right. You didn't want to speak out because your other friends were looking and they maybe were agreeing with them, with this person, and you didn't want to be shunned, right? You don't want to be then the outcast, you don't want to be made fun of. Let's just say, right. So what you do is you actually comply to that situation. You're like, okay, cool, like for the social status, I need to say face here and not say anything because everybody's writing with it, right, but what you're actually doing is you're causing yourself confusion, right, because then you take away your own power and you strip away that which is true and you install a new system which is backed by social status, and then you have this anxiety, right?
Eldar:Oh shit, another situation or another situation. You constantly have this almost a whirlwind in your head that anytime these situations come about, you don't know what to do. Now you're a duck, you're just sitting. Still, you can't do anything. You know what I mean, but inside you still have this process that's going on Somewhere deep inside, deep, deep, deep inside. You still know what the right thing to do is, but you already part committed on the other side Social status, whatever it is, opportunities, career you know. And next thing, you know, you find yourself thinking one thing and doing another, and that's cognitive dissonance. And I think cognitive dissonance, right, cognitive dissonance right, it's closely tied right. Field of psychology, cognitive dissonance is the perception of contradictory information and the mental toll of it. The mental toll of it.
Eldar:I think the mental toll is anxiety of cognitive dissonance and the relevant items of information include person's actions, feelings, ideas, beliefs, values, things in the environment. Yeah, like you want to be healthy but you don't exercise regularly or eat nutrition, nutrition, nutritious diet right here you have this belief system that you want to be healthy right In your mind and you feel strongly about it, right, but then you eat junk food, you do all these other things that you what's his name? That's incorrect, that's not to the thing. So if you have this ongoing thing, I think cognitive dissonance will then breed. The toll of it is anxious states. Feeling enough of doing that. You're going to develop anxiety.
Tommy:I mean, I like what you said about knowing the consequences of your actions.
Mike:But I think that, like what happened, that's just like again, it's, it's, yeah, it's not like, not reasonable, sorry.
Eldar:And I was going to just bring in an example that came to my mind. You have crippling anxiety when it comes to meeting girls.
Mike:Bro, I was thinking about that Crippling.
Eldar:Yeah, I know You've been in relationships for a very long time. You've perceived you've been in relationships, right, With these girls high-end girls, let's just say luxury girls, or fucking princesses and stuff like that right, and you went with the flow. But inside you're not a dumb guy, You're like something's off. What's going on, the feelings are not. You were always about love, right. You always wanted something genuine, but that's not what it was. You know what I mean. And you couldn't speak out. You became mute. You know what I'm saying. So now you have this conflict, internal conflict, Right, but you freeze up. You're like wait, why do I become so anxious? Like? This doesn't make any sense. I freeze.
Mike:That's what I thought about. That's anxiety. That's anxiety, yeah.
Eldar:Because for a very long time you solidified that stuff inside of you.
Mike:Yeah, I took a certain stance about myself. That wasn't true.
Eldar:That's right, that's right.
Mike:And now I'm living out there as consequences.
Speaker 3:The consequences, yeah, I could identify with that you could, you could, you could.
Tommy:uh, I said I could identify with that.
Eldar:Yeah, you converted yourself.
Mike:Yeah, Into that. I'm bored into it because I've practiced it for so long. That's right Now. It's the truth from now. Now it's no, it's not that it's the truth For me. I'm saying now it's the truth, Sure.
Eldar:You just reaping the benefits of anxiety now. Yeah, you know what I mean. Well now, like you, you now you have something to say, you want to say it, you want to be true to yourself, but nonetheless you still have the PTSD and anxiety that's driving you. You still can't say shit. You know what I mean. And you, you got to break through to that. You have to reconvince yourself and rewire your brain to say hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, not doing that anymore. You know what I mean. Enough is enough of that. We know how to have fun, we know what to say. We know how to say it. Let's go do it. I know.
Eldar:I think that's a very good example of anxiety, of of established anxiety. Yeah, it's established for sure, right In a very specific, like I said, environment, very specific variables that need to be in play in order for you to get that anxiety. You don't get this anxiety and other stuff right Meeting random people and stuff like that when those stakes are not not at play, but as soon as certain things line up a certain type of way, you get crippled on anxiety. Yeah. Because you've perceived it incorrectly.
Eldar:You acted incorrectly, you thought incorrectly. All that stuff have solidified now to be your disease.
Eldar:You know what I mean, and to undo it you have to do enough. What the opposite action, the opposite action. You have to think correctly and act on the correct thoughts. You know what I mean See things for what they are. See things for what they are and do enough actions, like I said, onto that where your mind and your brain can then rewire itself and say, yo, it's not that serious, and now I know what to do. We have a different switch now. We don't. We don't resort to anxiety anymore.
Mike:Just the way that you think, and then the way that you act and the way that you speak is all lined up with the false reality that you created for yourself. So now the goal is to see things for what they are so you can line it with the truth actually.
Eldar:Yeah, correct, anxiety is, and that's in general for anxiety. Yeah, anxiety is all. If you get anxiety, you should look at it as a look Like you're getting something wrong here. A lot of times people say, yo, it's a disease and all this other shit it is. You know what I'm saying. If you don't want to use it as a tool to go back and really figure out why the fuck are you getting the anxiety in the first place, I think you can use it as a tool. It's an indication, an indicator that something's not lining up. You're getting a lot of cognitive dissonance. You're getting a lot of these crippling things that are not lining up with the truth, your truth and the reality out there. As soon as you start marrying the two, you'll quickly find out that you will be living more in the moment and you will be in control of what's going on, what kind of things you let in and what kind of things you let out, and it becomes your choice. It's no longer up to fucking.
Tommy:I like that yeah.
Eldar:Up to chance and anxiety is a lot of times. A lot of people, I think, call a chance but it's not. It's very calculated, it's very Anxiety is justice bro.
Tommy:Actually, I used to be very anxious about not being smart. Very anxious, and it's funny because there was a point in time when I knew that I had something like a kind of creative side to me. And in school there's this moment where I realized, okay, now I can apply this and use this. And I had this teacher who is really kind to me and she recognized that I had a talent with writing.
Mike:She thought you looked somewhere inappropriate. Oh my.
Eldar:God, you sat on her lap. Hold on.
Tommy:And that felt good.
Tommy:But I had so many doubts that I really had a hard time getting over this idea that writing was either and I was like what I was probably like 11 years old, so I had this idea that writing was maybe considered a weaker thing, or maybe writing was like Maybe being creative was for depressed people, or something like that.
Tommy:It felt to me like it was totally irrelevant and it was not socially encouraging. Do you see what I mean? It felt to me like, in terms of being connected with other people, that writing was only going to make me more distant. I struggled with that, but it's so ironic because I write today and one thing that I've realized is that I was anxious about writing for a long time, still have anxiety about writing, I guess, about becoming a writer. But it's interesting because I'm willing to do this thing now. That brings out a creative part of me and it's actually breaking down a lot of these fucking false beliefs that I have about being who I am. It's fucking insane. That's right, yeah, but I embrace it now and the thing is I'm trying to allow that to kind of touch other areas of my life, to be, less of a burden on friends for example.
Eldar:That's right and I think that when you break down those false identities of yourself, you will find peace, and I think that's the cure to anxiety. When you finally marry your proper thinking to proper action and you do it long enough. Like I said to Mike, for example, in his example, if you do it long enough you will get what you need and that's peace, peace of mind. And long enough for that prolonged peace of mind will read you from your anxiety. You understand, but you have to be able to engage in that which is actually right and true to you. You know what.
Mike:I'm saying yeah, yeah.
Eldar:Yeah, I do, but it's like justice to yourself. You're doing justice to yourself. It's implanted in us that this is the way we're wired. If we go against ourself, if we go against the truth, we act on it, and then we have conflicted feelings. We're going to start breeding this thing, anxiety that's going to automatically come into our lives and it becomes so good that you don't even know where it comes from. Like you said hey, why am I freezing? You know what I'm saying? You no longer even want to play with it, but it's already established, it's got its footing in there.
Tommy:It's like relying on the energy within yourself.
Mike:So now it has to be the consciousness has to break that ignorance. Yeah, oh yeah, the consciousness is breaking it.
Eldar:Oh yeah, yeah, it has to be. You got to go and punch it in the face.
Mike:So every time that I face that thing, I have to ask myself where am I thinking?
Eldar:this Like why are?
Mike:you here, shake myself up.
Eldar:Correct. Like, why are you here? Like, why do you have this? Yeah, and that's why I told you my advice to you a lot of the times, you have to be honest with it. If you have that say, almost come up to the girl and say, hey, I'm fucking super nervous, but I think you're pretty, you understand, you have to face it and say it for what it is. You know what I'm saying, and I think as soon as you say it out loud and you're like, okay, this is what it actually is. Right, you can help yourself see it for what it is, and then the other person might be able to help you see it for what it is as well. Like, hey, what are you nervous about? It's all good, you know what I mean. You finally can remove yourself from those chains once and for all. But you have to acknowledge it. I think you have to stare it at it into the barrel.
Tommy:For me there's a lot of negative self-talk when it comes to like oh yeah, Someone texted me the other day.
Eldar:Yeah, mike gets really upset with himself. He's like what the fuck is wrong with me. Like this is not me. Like why am I doing this? Remember how pissed you got in Corpado. You're like what the fuck Like? Why am I like doing my head in? Like for what you know?
Tommy:Yeah, is that when you were next door?
Eldar:Yeah, it was doing the negative self-talk. That's exactly where it comes from, because you're thinking one thing, you're doing another. Those two things are a war, and there's one guy right who's really going to get pissed off Like yo, what the hell Like? This is not me, this is not what I want, this is not what I wish for myself, but it can't break through. So, yeah, negative self-talk is going to come in.
Tommy:How can we kind of encourage ourselves in some way, to kind of like steal words from this author, to experience the flow of, like the river of energy with its rapids you know what I mean Like with all the energy that it gives?
Eldar:Well, I mean you ultimately, like I said, I think that you want to find things in your life that are going to give you that flow. You can go into those states where they can actually serve you and do it for long enough time to cure you you know what I'm saying. And when you finally cure, then you can apply more things like that onto other fields and other things and other people and stuff like that. Hopefully, you can pass that on and give it to others. You know, but you got to solve it for yourself because if you don't, you're going to have that anxiety, keep creeping in and it's going to take you away, right? How do you feel when you feel in that stuff?
Tommy:Isn't there a saying that? You're defeating. Is there a saying that we are our own worst critics? I don't know if it's true, but isn't there a saying like that?
Eldar:Well, yeah, I mean, I think that the saying is, what I at least know, is we are our worst enemies, and that's true. It's not true. It's true A lot of the times. But again, if you examine it anxiety or manic states or whatever, and all this stuff this is all justified. You know what I mean. It's all in accordance to how it's supposed to work.
Eldar:A lot of times people get mad or upset like, oh, I have this anxiety or no other stuff. Well, if you really look deep inside of it, you'll find out why you have anxiety in the first place. And that's why therapy is important. Right, because you go into a therapist. You're like, okay, cool, here's my shit. You know what I mean. And the more you talk about your shit, right, the therapist's job, right, is to be able to take all that shit and put it into compartments, almost right, and help you out, sort this thing out, because you're probably not sorting it out the right way. And the more you sort it out, like we try to do, the better you feel. And then you go out there, you practice, you practice and you see, try this out, try that out, try this out, try that out, and when everything is in its proper places. You now know how to engage that specific thing towards this thing, to this situation, to that situation, to this relationship, to this person. You know what I mean.
Eldar:Like engaging in basketball? How are you there? Engaging with Toly? How are you there Engaging with your parents? How are you there? And then you've already had nice compartments to understand like, okay, cool, this is how it's supposed to be. I have no anxiety, you have no anxiety coming home, right? No, yeah, before you would run away, you like avoid, right, and all this other stuff. Now you know what you're going up against. That's your compartment. You know the knowledge base in there. You know what to expect, how to expect, when to expect it. You don't have no more anxiety. You have mastered that specific level. You have not mastered the girls level yet, but when you do, you will see there will be no. There will be no anxiety. That's the same thing you know. So you have to just do it long enough, I think, to then bring it, bring about peace, so then you can rest, and then the anxiety cannot thrive or live in the peaceful state. It's impossible, it's a contradiction.
Tommy:So do, I do, you do and I also like what you said about using it as a tool to sort of understand and understand what's going on.
Eldar:Well, yeah, I'm just changing it a little bit, because a lot of people have a negative stigma around it and they kind of bash it and say, oh, this is it. Well, no, it's actually. Anxiety is an indicator that something's off.
Tommy:I hear you with stigma when I first yeah, when I first kind of heard the word, which was a long time ago. I mean, there's this idea that sickness is something to avoid and there's this kind of stigma around people who can kind of say, hey, there's this thing that I'm channeling, that's not good and it's affecting me. And wanting to avoid that being a little bit scary, I think, maybe when you're unsure.
Eldar:I think this thing was probably was born around the fact that, like if something's wrong with you, it's like not normal. So people like, oh sure, something's wrong with me, it's not normal. Like I don't want to be that guy. You know what I mean. Like anxiety is almost like being stupid, right, like, right, right, like me and Mike both know when we reason like yeah, mike, you're just being stupid here. You know what I mean. But he can't connect the two. Like why am I freezing up? Why am I feeling this way? You're just being stupid, you know, because one, you understand what the truth is and you just can't connect with the actions. Why not? There's some kind of like ignorance there. You know what I mean, some kind of imbalance. But a lot of people don't want to say that out loud and say, hey, yeah, yeah, anxiety is. You know, anxiety is like a crippling thing or it's like a disorder. You know what I mean. It's closely related to stupidity and nobody wants to admit that.
Tommy:Yeah, it is closely related to certain behaviors. We understand, maybe try to figure out the consequences of you know but always feel one step behind doing something.
Eldar:But if you change the outlook on it, it can be a path to a lot of great things. Say, I have anxiety, but you know I'm chasing it, I'm trying to understand it and this is what it is. And if you open it all up, you quickly find out that, like you've been thinking about the world yourself and the way you engage with the world incorrectly. And if you change those things, anxiety will go away. Anxiety has a very good purpose it's an indicator to show you that something's off right.
Mike:Something's off. So do you think you need to find out what that thing that's off, or you just again do you feel like you don't need to?
Eldar:Well, you know what it's all about. You know what's off. You've been known what's off. Yeah, I guess you just haven't done shit about it, okay.
Mike:You know what I'm saying Can you elaborate? Well, yeah, like, like. In regards to the girls yeah, like the girls thing. What impression am I under? That is wrong, that I'm acting out of this.
Eldar:Well, it's, it's. I told you, it's already been a habit. It's a habit. It's a habit, it's an automatic response.
Mike:So I need to find out what the result that lets that habit or you already know what that is. It was some kind of insecurity or some kind of yes Fear, of course, you allowed, you allowed right the person with not the truth, with false perception to influence you.
Eldar:Who knew what's better? You know what I mean.
Mike:Or what's right. So now, how do I combat that Knowing, that knowledge, like that I say like, how do I now use that right to my benefits? Now combat this ignorance that I'm living out?
Eldar:Well, you just have to know. Well now, you just have to know that this is what it is, this is what I have, this is my anxiety, this is my disease, this is my thing. You know what I mean. And now you have to go and try and enjoy yourself and practice otherwise.
Mike:Yeah, okay, I understand. Yeah, because the thing is, there's nothing that I have to understand. That's reasonable. No, no, it's not a matter of like understanding something or reasoning, it's because the habit is so automatic, correct Now. It's just more so practicing like open slate, like hey yeah, like trying to kill off that identity.
Eldar:That's controlling you have to build a new knowledge base based on your actions. Knowledge right yeah, like not knowledge more so the evidence you have to you have to yeah, you have to gather evidence. Yeah, gather evidence, give evidence to then establish a new understanding of what's actually going on.
Mike:Right. So I have to probably be like kind of come into the situation, like, hey, my ignorance is going to pop up here, but I'm going to try to not be act out of that place, but really listen to like what this person is, what they're saying, what they're saying, and treat it like a completely.
Eldar:treat myself like a new person, but also treat that other person like an old person, and only then you're going to be able to then establish proper reactions for yourself in that moment. And when you do, it's not going to be anxiety anymore. That's going to be the truth. It'll be, you know, like you're going to say okay, if this person fits cool, should I be feeling worried and insecure here? No, you know what I mean. Why not? You know for good reasons as to why.
Eldar:Before you just felt a certain type of way. You didn't check anything and you ran with it. You violated yourself. Without going into what, I have a good heart I mean. Well, you know what I'm saying. All that stuff, all that stuff was out the window. Right now you lead with this stuff. This is going to be your forefront. I know what I like, I know who I am, I know how to enjoy myself, I know I'm funny, I'm fun. You know what I mean and I'm trying to have fun. This is what you're leading with. Now, what is the other person on the other end can tell you in order to make you feel anxious or anxiety? Like what in the world? Can you give me any type of scenario that what we're presenting is wrong or incorrect or not true to other humans, assuming that we're interacting with humans and not aliens.
Mike:Yeah, not nothing. They really can't, they can't.
Eldar:They cannot. There's no way of transference of their ignorance now towards you in order for you to get any type of anxiety. It would be false. Right. It won't work because you pay an attention. Now You're not allowing. The gate is a lot stronger now. You know what I'm saying, but you have to do it.
Mike:To cure yourself, you have to do it. I'm just trying to think how I cured the anxieties, maybe with other things. I'm trying to trace back those things and maybe understand that process that I went through to where I got to now, where I don't have anxiety from those things, okay, I mean, but it's thinking.
Eldar:You did the same thing. You had to deduce what's the right thing to do right and do the hard thing now. And the reason why it was hard is because it's not habitual yet. Now the things that you do, that are right things are habitual. That is why it is easy for you. That is why you cannot even reproduce the anxious mind towards those things, because you're not that person anymore. Trust me, I remember the person who was hiding, who was getting pissed off and all this other stuff at your family. I remember that person. I remember how you used to get about situations at work, how frustrated you would get. You know what I mean Angry and stuff like that, what some of the responses were. I don't see those anymore. You know what I'm saying. Some situations were totally, for example, I remember those things. You're working, those things you know and slowly you're moving away from those habits and now you have a different persona.
Mike:Yeah, it's, I guess we create. Like the anxiety is we create an image in our heads of we are right, but a lot of times, maybe part of the anxiety, is like we play a victim role, right? Like, oh, we feel sorry for ourselves, we have this like soft, weak, you know, kind of like image of ourselves or not having thick skin, and we live out those things that created kind of for ourselves, and then we suffer with them, like you know you have to suffer.
Eldar:Yeah, no, it makes sense, yeah, but all the suffering that we endure is because we earned it, bro 1000%.
Mike:That's not it. There's nobody else to blame, bro, I'm trying to understand. What do I believe in? Oh, I get. I always like to know what caused it, but I don't. I know that it's not important, but it's. I think it like. I guess, maybe I, maybe I'm thinking. The more I think about it, the more it'll help me, that click, more and more I can understand it, you know, yeah, not maybe to see the origins, but to understand now how to move forward.
Eldar:You would then have to ask yourself what your belief systems are within those things that you weren't secure about.
Mike:Yeah, my belief systems don't line up with that anymore. Well, there you go. All right, but I'm still acting out of it because it's a habit. Yeah. So, then why am?
Mike:I why I need to be like, hey, I'm going to act out of my new belief system and I have to make the conscious effort now. Yeah, like I don't have. I have a clean slave myself. Like why I don't have any anxiety towards meeting a new person girl. Yeah, you have to reconvince yourself. I'm just just a regular person Like that's right. Yeah, that's right.
Eldar:You have to see it for what it is. And now, when you do see it for what it is, I think you will have proper responses to yourself and you will no longer be in confusions and confused states. You have to be true to yourself. If you're not true to yourself, you will develop anxiety. Like you said earlier, you're not true to yourself. Anxiety is the result of that. Oh yeah, that's right, that's right, that's right.
Mike:Yeah, it's probably in a way it's a developed to kind of. You develop like some kind of weird protection for yourself to not get hurt. Well then you develop this anxiety which is like it also hurts you from but you can take it, but it's a more manageable-. You see this?
Eldar:right, it's more manageable than facing the actual situation here. Is more manageable, correct? Yeah, yeah, you're right. Let's justify it. It's your justice. It's you doing justice to yourself. Mm-hmm, this is what you've earned, 100%, and you're reaping the nice benefits from it. Oh, yeah, you reaping what you reap. Yeah, what you're supposed to. Yeah, what you're supposed to, you know.
Tommy:I'm a little confused about that. Can you explain how? What is it that you develop and you sort of? Could you explain that?
Eldar:Can I explain it to?
Mike:him a little bit. Let me just talk to him. Yeah, sure, so, like in life, nothing happens just because there's always, I feel, like a cause and effect or a consequence. So if you act bad towards yourself, the consequences that follow will be in accordance, right? So, I think, understanding that if you behave a certain way, the results will follow that will be in line with the actions that you took, right, or the thoughts that you have towards yourself.
Mike:So if you think you're a bad person and you can act like a bad person, then you're gonna have, you know, problems. You're not gonna be happy, you're gonna have bad relationships, right? But a lot of times people feel like play this victim role, like oh, what the fuck? Why is this happening to me? Like you know, I don't understand. It's not fair. The truth is, everything that happens to you is fair because the way you think, the way you speak, the way you act, that is a direct result of everything. Like they're completely connected. If you act a certain bad way, bad things will happen in your life. If you speak a certain bad way towards yourself, towards others people, those things are gonna like it's not.
Mike:The results will be in accordance with the way you think you know Exactly the way you think, the way you speak, the way you act, mm-hmm. And a lot of times, people they're like confused about the results, like yo, why the fuck is this happening to me? Like yo, I didn't. Maybe they'll even say like I didn't do anything wrong, a lot of the times even, but that's because they can't see the truth for the, the truth of the matter, you know. So that's what we're saying, like everything has a cause and effect.
Tommy:Right, right right.
Mike:Or a cause and you know result. Whatever I'm trying to, I'm blanking right now with my mind and I think that's important to know.
Tommy:That's how it works. I mean, mike, I kind of want to like direct this towards you because Go get it. There are times when I've seen that you've been with girls who, in some way, one way or another, did not give back what you put in.
Eldar:Yeah, but that's a lot of the times.
Mike:Yeah, it's almost every time.
Eldar:Almost every time he had a couple of good ones but he wasn't really attracted to them like that.
Tommy:Okay, so what I'm trying to say is something like related to that, in a way of Just to like sort of zoom in on this situation, this unfortunate situation, where you're like, damn, what the fuck I put in all this, but I'm not getting back what I want. You know, or I'm not, and it's not.
Eldar:Yeah, it's imbalanced. This is part of it. So what's your?
Tommy:question around that. So, like, what I'm trying to say here is these things, these events happened. You put in the hundred or whatever and you got back 20. Okay, Okay so.
Mike:You're asking how is that right or how is that just no?
Tommy:I'm asking in a way like are we looking at anxiety here, like when you're saying, when you're like damn you know.
Eldar:I'm trying to figure this out.
Tommy:Yeah, this can contribute to anxiety, absolutely so I find that really interesting because it also really demonstrates what your choices are, like you know, to I don't know. It doesn't have to be about choosing the right person, but it also has to be about choosing your actions.
Eldar:Well, no see, the choosing of the right person, I think, comes from first being yourself and knowing yourself. Then you won't be allowed to choose the wrong person. It's impossible.
Tommy:Yeah, so that person is going in the world that we're talking about.
Eldar:What happens is right. You become, let's just say for the lack of a better word, you become extremely close-minded. You become very particular, which you're scared of, okay. You become very particular as to what you actually need and actually want. This is actually a very good thing, okay, because then you know what the compatibility will be, based on your own self, your belief systems and your value systems.
Eldar:So when a person comes through through trying to knock on your gate, right, you want to make sure you're operating out of your system, your values and your beliefs, and this is what you're presenting. If that person fucks with that, understands it and respects it, they can go through that gate. Most people won't be able to understand. So you won't get violated. Your belief system, your value system, will not allow you to get the wrong person. You will get the exact thing that you deserve. You know, mike was with those people, those 120 people, right when he was given 100, as so he thought right, he was getting 20 back because he earned that, he allowed that, he invited that into his life. He was only worth that and that's what there was injustice, unfairness.
Tommy:Right, and what the fuck are we talking about here?
Eldar:We're talking about. He earned his anxiety that he has now. Yeah, you know what.
Mike:I'm saying there wasn't injustice or unfairness. It was right.
Eldar:Yes, yes, but it probably was perceived as that, like the way he was trying to sell it to us. That's the way he probably looked at it Like yo, mike's such a good guy and at the time you probably would also feel in that way internally.
Mike:But that's because that's because I didn't know about self-love at the time. That's right. Now that I have a little bit better understanding, I realized that I was not given 100. I was not like it's. It's there's give yourself a certain percentage and you give another person a certain percentage yeah. But if you give yourself zero and you give that person 100, that's not, that's not how it's supposed to be. So that's why you only get 20 because you don't deserve. You don't deserve more. You don't deserve more because you don't care for yourself, you don't treat yourself with love or respect.
Eldar:And those people not necessarily, are trying to just give you 20. You know what I mean? They also operating out of that same thing that I told you about the justice scale.
Mike:Yeah, they can only have a capacity to.
Eldar:That's right, they have their own capacity to Right and you get what you need in life. It's like you said before I left. You said you got exactly what you deserve and what you needed for that moment. This is what you've earned Right now, your position in life. Whatever it is that you have or don't, have you earned it.
Mike:So if you have something that you haven't accomplished but you've been trying to, you have done, I guess important to look at it, probably very humbling is to say, actually, I don't deserve that, which I want 100%. This is the most humbling thing you can say and I mean to me that makes a lot of sense.
Eldar:You've been saying that. You've been saying that a lot of the times. About love, about falling in love and finding the right person. Hey, sounds like I'm not there yet, I'm not ready yet. You know what I mean, and I think that is a humble pie and a splash of cold water to the face. Is it true reality? It's a reality check. And then you start asking yourself okay, cool, If I want the standard of love and everything that you talk about loyalty, justice, you know, kindness, compassion, all that stuff that you want, am I that person? Am I on that standard? Am I deserving actually of that?
Eldar:You quickly find out that you still have a mess in your own backyard. You're not compassionate here, you're not thoughtful here. You get into fights there, right, your shit is still messy. You have to be consistent enough to be able to only attract that type of energy into your life, but you have to be, like you said, straightforward with yourself and honest with yourself and say hey, caring for yourself, Caring for yourself, no, no, no, not in this case, not in this case.
Tommy:Tom.
Eldar:No, tom, in this case you have to say yo like I'm a piece of shit, I'm a piece of shit, actually Not in this case.
Tommy:I understand, no, no, yeah.
Mike:Specific example? No, In general. Yeah, you definitely want to be caring to yourself 100%, but a lot of times in certain areas.
Tommy:That's what will kind of also that will also give you what you deserve, in a way, I think, if you care for yourself and love yourself.
Eldar:First, you have to see things for what they are, and I think in this example, what I'm saying is that he's trying to encourage people to see things for what they are. So, for example, if you don't, if you want a house right, and you haven't worked up to get the house yet, this is what you deserve, like you're not there yet because you've earned that. You know what I mean. You have to see that. I see what you're saying. You're not worthy of a house yet. You don't deserve a house yet because you haven't done the things that you needed to do in order to get a house, for example, or love, or whatever it is.
Tommy:You know, and a lot of times we don't think that way- yeah, and if that gives you anxiety, you should kind of realize there's also no shortage. There will always be a house ready for you when you're ready for it. You know what I mean? Oh sure.
Mike:If that's what I'm here, yeah, yeah, that's patience, and that's what.
Tommy:yeah, what I'm saying is you have to also kind of. I mean, there are all kinds of good book ideas. There are all kinds of ideas that could come to reality.
Eldar:You have to come to realize that you are in your own time and your time is your time. It's not the world's time. To measure your time against the world's time is to commit another crime against yourself. Mm-hmm, yeah, first, the first step is to see if it's what it is, like Mike said, you might not be deserving of it. Eat that humble pie. Oh, absolutely, absolutely. You know what I'm saying. And then, okay, if I'm not yet compatible, right, what are some of the prerequisite things, courses that I need to take, right, in order to be, you know, eligible for this thing, whatever that thing is Right.
Tommy:So what I want to ask is can intimacy really with somebody, with a significant other, a partner, someone who, according to your values and your beliefs, is compatible with you, help on that long run, like on that kind of longer term stuff?
Eldar:Well, I think, being intimate, I think it should be right almost out of a celebration for those two individuals. Wow, a celebration of those things that you talked about, the values and belief systems that both connect intimacy is that celebration that you're like oh shit, we're on the same page, this just feels good, let's fucking do our thing.
Tommy:Right.
Eldar:I think that just solidifies those things and connects you even closer.
Tommy:So for me, I struggle with this idea of if I kind of meet a bare minimum of like, when can I just say it's like I'm okay, I'm enough? I mean, I feel like you should always say that, but say like you know to allow the person into your life right to open the gates, you know, and then, like now, expect this kind of balance, healthy relationship with somebody. Is there a kind of do I meet a certain standard for that and do I set a certain standard for opening myself up to a person Like you're asking about you personally? Yeah, see, the thing is there are probably all kinds of people that you could meet, but the person who meets kind of who's compatible with you, I think that there's just so many. There's just like a spectrum of ways to be a person that can be like. There are a spectrum of people.
Tommy:There are so many different kinds of people, but don't you have a standard, a standard of? Okay, but I would say I don't have necessarily a standard of like. I don't have a standard of like, of like, the kind of I'm not saying type, but we're talking about self standards, I think right.
Eldar:Well, when you're choosing a girl, you're choosing a partner, right? You have certain standards. You're not going to just go have sex with every person you meet.
Tommy:And you can. It probably isn't a healthy. It's not very healthy and I think maybe if some people do do it.
Eldar:It's probably not healthy for your mental health you know, ultimately, so I guess, like I guess what I'm saying is okay.
Tommy:So if you feel like I don't know, maybe it is a self esteem thing, really, you know, I think there's certain times when I feel good about myself.
Tommy:And then there are times where I'm like, hey, this is not so good, my situation could use some improvement, like I could use a little bit of money, or I could feel I do feel like I could be a little bit healthier, taking more walks or like whatever it is, and those couple of things taking care of those things actually could significantly improve my life, you know that's kind of what I want.
Tommy:What I wonder here is when you go and when you meet somebody, that person is probably going to size you up or judge you, you know to for who you are to see to see who you are their choice. Now, are they going to see your values and beliefs or are they going to look at, kind of like, your situation and I don't know?
Eldar:maybe he doesn't earn enough money. Who's doing the presenting? You know who's doing the presenting of yourself. Yeah, do you not have a chance to present yourself fully in a relationship when you start talking?
Tommy:My question is really as what kind of person do I want to present myself in? Yes, that's that we have to take this very carefully here. Because no, you have to take this very carefully I can present myself as like a fucking. That's why you got anxiety bro A failure or I don't know Inspiring author?
Mike:I don't know.
Eldar:You're an expiring author. Expiring author.
Mike:Oh shit.
Tommy:No, no, I mean you could, you could. Clearly, I think you could. You, maybe you can choose, okay. So I think we need to be careful here because you want to. So today, today, I spoke to somebody, I don't know. I felt like maybe there was some kind of vibe there. I said, I said, okay, whatever I speak my, speak my soul, I spoke my soul and it felt really good In that moment. I felt very good and I couldn't really tell if there was that interest there or whatever. But the good feeling that I get speaking to somebody to me is like is like a positive and upbeat thing. You, I had a chance to express myself, which I don't always do, so so what I'm trying to say here is like I can help you, Tom, if you want you, you can, you can express yourself or you can also sort of hide.
Tommy:Yeah, yeah.
Eldar:Become an actor.
Tommy:You can become an actor.
Eldar:Not only that, but you're betrayed. I can help you.
Tommy:You betray those values and beliefs. You want the picture or no? That really do you think matters, Tom? You want the picture or no? Hold on, I'm trying to. Yeah, please, you want the picture?
Eldar:I want to hear what you have to say. Yeah, tom, when you present yourself, tom, okay, despite of your financial situation, right? The truth of the matter is you have good friends, right?
Tommy:True, they care for you, right, and I have a lot of other. Lately I've been counting a lot of good, positive things.
Eldar:This is what we're going through right now. Right, I think friendship conversation is important.
Tommy:It deserves its own conversation, and we will. We'll get into that.
Eldar:This is my perception of you, right? You have good friends that care for you, correct? Correct. We have you back, correct, you can turn to them.
Tommy:Yes, yeah for advice for money for work.
Eldar:You have that right. Yes, that's a choice, right? Is it not an empowering one? Absolutely Okay, cool. How about your family? Do you have a good family, tom? I do. Do you have a good relationship with your family? I do you do. Okay, now are you your own man and you are on your own schedule every single day. Yes, you do what you want, absolutely. If you want to be depressed, you're depressed, correct? If you want to have fun, you're going to go have fun, right? You're not tied to a job, right? Yeah, absolutely, you're right. Do you hear howLooking to your Army came about?
Tommy:I know, it is, yeah, it is Tom.
Eldar:If tomorrow you want to get a job, can you get a job?
Tommy:I might need to be yes or no, right, If you want to yeah.
Eldar:You've done it several times right. Yes, yes, yeah, that's great, you have a car you have a transportation, you travel, yeah. You speak well. You dress well. You look good. Yeah, thank you. What are we talking about, tom? This is your presentation, right?
Tommy:right, right. So a lot of this stuff, I guess, lives in my head.
Eldar:In a way, it does live in your head.
Tommy:Tom, yeah, it does, it lives in my head.
Eldar:A lot of times we don't. Actually, that's the thing. A lot of anxiety also is you fighting the reality versus what you fucking created in your mind. If the two don't coincide properly, you're going to have cognitive dissonance, which is going to give you that anxiety where your dick won't get hard when the fucking person will try to fucking spread the legs for you. You know what I'm saying. I got you.
Tommy:Or bend over for you, whichever one you prefer.
Eldar:You understand, yeah, I do, but at the end of the day, if you don't lead with that, which is true, you will find yourself in these fucking little things that you've bought in. The society told you that you don't have. You have everything, tom. You have everything, and the only reason maybe why you don't have money is by fucking choice, and that, motherfucker, is a privilege, bro. You have a place to stay. You eat fucking well. You have a fucking gut. You know what I'm saying. You're not hungry. You dress well. You know what I'm saying. You're right now debating whether or not you want to join the most expensive gym in the fucking area.
Tommy:Well, actually that's a good point.
Eldar:That's a good point, tom before you start rambling, I'm explaining to you that your picture is very attractive, tom. The girls that you meet, or you present yourself, should be all over you, and the reason why they're not is because you have a different story in your head than what I just presented to you.
Tommy:No, that's not true, but it does actually very much make things clear to me in terms of how I what's wrong with leading with the stuff that I just told you?
Eldar:You don't lead with this shit. You know what I'm saying. You don't present that and that is. Everybody wants to be part of what I just fucking said. You are a fucking free guy like the birds and the bees.
Tommy:I don't present it why?
Eldar:Because of, because the story you created in your mind, that what you ought to be and you have to be. And that story is what gives you anxiety, bro, the fucking inspiring artist, the famous guy who wrote a fucking Harry Potter book. This is what you believe you are or you ought to be. No, no, that's not at all.
Tommy:I think what I ought to be is just a little bit better every day. That's what I ought to be, that's true, and a lot of what you said actually does make things very clear to me. What I feel that I lack is a certain amount of independence, a certain amount of financial independence. By choice, by choice, tom, so I define myself often. Often, I feel anxiety and don't Well, actually it's not so much anxiety, no, it could be a little bit of anxiety, but I think that that's the person who I.
Tommy:You're right, I'm defined by this choice, and what we were talking about is the standard that's kind of the standard that I meet is a little bit short of a couple of things, yeah, and so what I'm asking is if I understand all the positive things in my life, the values and beliefs, you can understand it, but if you don't live it, if you don't?
Eldar:live it, only lead with it. You ain't shit. You ain't got shit, bro Right, you're going to remember one thing that you have fucking nothing in your pocket.
Eldar:So Correct this is what defines you every single time, but the truth of the matter is it shouldn't. You can have a lot of fun, bro, with what you got. Not a lot of people have what I just fucking named Good parents, good relationship with parents, good friends, good relationship with friends. A car you know what I'm saying. A good car, the best car in the world. If you drive a fucking Tesla, that's what the truth of the matter is. You have a place to stay. You know what I'm saying. Like you have everything. What do you got to fucking complain about? You know what I'm saying.
Tommy:Nothing, you're fucking 34 years old.
Eldar:You know what I'm saying. Good looking guy. You know what I'm saying. If you were 80, okay, yeah, you, probably you know who you're going to pick up, but you're fucking 34 years old you could get girls in their 20s you know what I'm saying who also don't got shit. Well, I'll tell you something you can have fun with them.
Tommy:Something that's changed for me is that my kind of like I guess I've matured a little bit in order to do those things and make Kind of do right by myself. And you're right, Like fun is something that very much excites me.
Eldar:But I think matured Tom, you are a hair away from going to Paris on the first class flight that dude, that I can't believe. You can't wrap your mind around that dude, all I'm saying is that these are your opportunities, yeah.
Tommy:I know this is what's presented. This is your life, right? Yeah, that's what's exactly what you're saying. It's your choice.
Eldar:What I'm saying, tom, is it's your fucking choice to be broke. If you're broke, yeah, you know what I'm saying and that's okay. I'm not going to be broke in order to be happy or content. You know what I'm saying and you don't lead with that. But I'm pretty sure there's plenty of people out there, especially girls, that are going to be okay with little. They just want attention, and I think that you actually have an abundance of it. If you only fucking understood my perception of things about you.
Tommy:I do no, Mike.
Eldar:I do. Most girls want is attention, bro yeah.
Tommy:You know what I'm saying? Not fucking money. The thing is, it's not for me, it's not. So this issue is not really rooted in sadness for me, but it's more rooted in hope. And what issue? What are you talking about? What hope? What I'm saying is what issue?
Mike:The issue is. The issue is the thing that he doesn't have. He looks at it and yes, correct, that's the issue.
Eldar:That's your anxiety right there, but for me that's rooted in hope.
Tommy:It's more rooted in hope.
Eldar:And again, at the end of the day, to cure it, to do what Is to see things for what?
Tommy:they are, and what I just explained to him is actually what it is.
Eldar:You are right now part of the best podcast in the world that nobody even knows about. Do you understand this or no? You know this is what you lead with. This is what you have to lead with. You work today a work of art on the $9,000 couch. Do you understand this or no? These are the experiences. These are the things that actually make up who you are. You fucking had great food today. Right, you were part of a celebration today, but you fucking talking about you don't have 20 shekels in your pocket.
Tommy:No, I'm not. I actually I'm exploring it. But you know what are you talking about, tom, I'm exploring it, but yeah, look, the thing is that, yeah, sometimes I want more, absolutely, it is a choice For what. I'm aware of that.
Eldar:For what? To have more fun, no, no, just kind of like so what.
Tommy:Just for simple things paying your bills For things actually not just simple things.
Eldar:Can you not get a job? You got a job plenty of times.
Tommy:Correct, you're right, but you do it.
Eldar:You don't want it hard enough, tom, that's why you don't do nothing about it, and that is privilege, I think, what I want is and I've come to learn in a way.
Tommy:I want balance. But what I've come to learn is that if you really want it, so bad and you want it enough that you will wake up and you will make everyday work Sure, you know, you'll have to kind of. Sometimes you don't have good enough reasons to do it.
Eldar:So you are exactly where you're supposed to be, like we said earlier.
Tommy:You deserve this life, tom. Right now, in this case, all the feelings, all this other shit.
Eldar:That's why you can't lead with what I just told you, because you punked yourself. You punked yourself, so you're going to have going through your whole life. You're going to try to bridge the gap between what I presented to you and what you actually feel and believe. You're going to try to bridge this gap. This is going to be your whole purpose in life. This is everybody's purpose in life. You know what I'm saying? It's to bridge that gap so they can feel whole and at peace and at balance. Until you do that, you're fucked. You're not good enough, you don't have enough money, your dick's not big enough, you don't have a good enough car. You know what I'm saying? You don't have anything. You're going to feel yourself internally Not good enough. You're not tall enough, my hair is not long enough. All this shit, all insecurities, all that shit lives in this fucking space of incorrect perception of yourself.
Mike:Yes or no? Mike 100%.
Tommy:So like for example, for example. Why am I saying for example?
Eldar:Yeah, yeah, come up with a good question, tom Tom, something today.
Tommy:Something today and yesterday that I find interesting is I really had no plan for how things would go as soon as I got here and I started working with the pains on this couch.
Eldar:You did a terrible job.
Tommy:I had no idea. But the whole point of me saying this is that change bothers me, change makes me anxious and for me I know what time would have meant. I kind of know what the value of my time is, and the time that I spent here today and yesterday would typically kind of make me anxious and feel like that I'm not doing enough for myself, because I know what I would have done with that time. And I mean I do think that I know how to solve these issues. I can get a job, I can make the choice to work and I know that I probably should.
Eldar:You know why you don't keep the job, tom? Because the issue is not big enough, bro. Come on, man, who are you tricking bro? The issue is just not big enough, bro, for you to keep the job and sacrifice what you have. So here is Tom. The world is your oyster bro. You do whatever the fuck you want. What do you mean? Sacrifice what you have? What you have is really nice, tom. You're on your own schedule.
Tommy:Oh, you're saying sacrifice that freedom to do Correct you do whatever the fuck you want. Every day I don't necessarily see it as a positive thing all the time it is Well, yes, because you're in your own head.
Eldar:You don't take advantage of it yet. You just dibble and dabble here and there. You know what I'm saying. And sometimes you see pockets where you're like, oh shit, look at that. You did it. Some creative shit today. You enjoyed yourself, you focused.
Tommy:I do work on a book and I am sort of, in a way, starting to see how this process works and have to kind of push myself sometimes to do things that I don't really want to do. I do see that.
Eldar:You're committing a crime against yourself because you don't actually believe it, and that's why you fucking can't stand. You can't keep a job for more than two months, right now it doesn't pay.
Tommy:Well, yes, what I'm trying to say here is that I enjoy the process, and when I do work on my book, I enjoy the process and I continue to do it anyway. I continue to do it anyway, though it doesn't pay at this time. Yeah, right now it's not.
Eldar:Yeah, because you actually like it. I do enjoy it. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, and that's fine. What's wrong with that? What's wrong with doing this for a?
Tommy:long period of time. I think, first of all, it brings me peace and it brings me confidence and it makes me happy. Like you're doing it and you know like. She's not meant to work, Mike. The unfortunate part of it is.
Eldar:I agree, we're working on it.
Tommy:Tom, I told you, when we blow the shit up, you're just gonna sit here and get paid, I mean, look, the unfortunate part of it is that that is kind of like the roadblock, with intimacy in a way. That's kind of what I'm saying here.
Eldar:Yeah, listen, I get it, but again you're leading with the wrong stuff.
Tommy:I need a job right, or I need to work, or I need something that'll kind of like.
Eldar:Yeah, make it dig it hard. Yeah, Because you can afford some fucking popcorn, okay.
Tommy:Okay, and now look, here's the thing.
Eldar:Oh, here's popcorn. You know, I'm accomplished.
Mike:Then I drink. Tom, you go buy a drink too.
Tommy:Yeah, look, I do kind of define, in a way, some standards of like not having anything to say in terms of like what I've been doing. And look the person who I meet and tell about myself, I can make a picture, I guess, of what was.
Eldar:If you can't lead with the truth if you can't lead with the truth, that's probably. You probably deserve it, deserving of not being able to get your dick hard.
Tommy:Okay, so leading with the truth would just simply be no, I work when I want to or where I work when I need to, I do whatever the fuck.
Eldar:I want you have a problem with it. Yeah, she's gonna want to suck your dick right on the spot, bro, if you say that to her.
Tommy:We're gonna have to cut this out.
Eldar:Nah man, this is ridiculous. This is true bro Mike, yes or no bro?
Mike:Yeah, 100%. But he doesn't understand that.
Eldar:You know what I'm saying what argument are you?
Mike:gonna bring to me. He's doing some kind of like societal thing he's trying to achieve.
Eldar:He's gonna say, well, oh, you go to school, or what degree you have, how much money you have in the bank, get the fuck out of here. Fuck you. Talking about you just want to get fucked. Really good, and that's it. And I say I can deliver this for you right now. I'm an artist. You know what I'm? Saying Like I do creative shit, bro. You know what I'm saying. Say my dick is Matt Harry, bro, that's it. You're done, she's done. I don't know what you're trying, tom. What are we talking?
Mike:about See, you are art.
Eldar:Tom, you are art, you are, you are art. Tom, you are art. You are epitome of what everybody wants. Tom, yeah, everybody wants this shit. You don't get it, I think.
Tommy:Well, look, this is I mean.
Eldar:You're supposed to live your life, tom, and not lift a fucking finger.
Tommy:These last few years have been the greatest in my life.
Eldar:There you go, there's no question about it. So go fucking say that on a date, so lead with that.
Mike:Yeah, lead with that, tom. Why are you not Lead with that?
Tommy:Well, you know what.
Eldar:Who can argue otherwise?
Tommy:For me it's not so much an issue as it is, but maybe anxiety it's not so much an issue as an anxiety. Listen, look, I can, you earned it, I can help myself, I can kind of get myself out of situations. Well, actually, you know what?
Eldar:Tom, you can play around, hide and seek with yourself all you want, right. But at the end of the day, what you said you want intimacy, you want to put your dick in somebody's vagina. You know what I'm saying. And that requires coming out of your head right and practicing what you know into the fucking world and to see whether or not the world will fuck back with you. And that's what we all want. Obviously. We want the world to fuck with us. We want to be compatible, we want to enjoy and have fun. You know what I'm saying. So, whatever the fucking conundrum you created in your own head.
Tommy:It is not working right now. Okay, so here's kind of where my mind goes Right now. You said something that's real sticky for me, that you said you could be having a lot of fun. Yeah, like, is there a part of me that I'm hiding from that's not allowing me to have fun? Is that you thinking?
Mike:it is. Yeah, you're doing it to yourself because you think you have to accomplish these things that you don't actually believe, and that's why you're not accomplishing them.
Tommy:But I'm not sure if I really need to. Oh, you mean, like in terms of what things you presented, a problem.
Eldar:You said intimacy. Right, you want to be intimate, bro I told you. Not really. No, okay, so what are we talking about here, Tom? No, I mean Earlier you said hey, intimacy, you know that's important for me, or whatever. Like, okay, cool, I'm pretty sure you're based on your scenario, who you are right now. I think you can get a lot of girls and be intimate with a lot of girls.
Tommy:Yeah, but kind of what I'm trying to do is sort of start with like being open with my friends about myself, and that's kind of like being honest with you guys has kind of led me to sort of let's say, I guess a deeper appreciation of the truth.
Eldar:Yeah, sure, or a deeper understanding of the truth, but at the end of the day, you have to be able to go out there and practice your new understandings, new things, and then really go have fun and enjoy yourself.
Tommy:Yes, yes, yes, if you can't do that.
Eldar:You're still in your head. Then what are we accomplished?
Tommy:So I mean, yeah, in terms of work, yeah, like I don't know. I guess today, for example, I did say to you guys I asked you guys, should I? Like you know, I told you that I was thinking of joining the gym and I don't know if I can spend that $100 on the gym or whatever. And I don't know. I just I say that because you know, typically I would make these stupid decisions on my own and I don't know. It sounds really ridiculous, right. But like usually, if I kind of want something I really don't like you guys always say you know, like you don't trust us, and you kind of like go off and you do the stupid shit without asking for help. Are you crazy? Yeah, and that's kind of something that I'm trying to fix.
Tommy:Trying to fix, like you know, just trying to you know, like I guess what can I say about this?
Eldar:Check myself like, or just try to you know I mean, we're in the greenest that you should join the gym, tom we give you the blessing we said yeah, absolutely, you definitely should join the gym because you want to be around us more, you want to do your routine and stuff like that. That's what we do. We enjoy it, and if you come with us, we enjoy it even more. Now you know like we're going to have more people joining us and that's great, Like that's great. You should definitely do it.
Mike:Yeah, you don't trust yourself to make decisions, but you're constantly making decisions, exactly, and you're living out the things that you believe about yourself, which are not true either.
Eldar:We're giving you the blessing. You should listen to us. You should actually do it whatever it takes, despite of some doubts.
Tommy:That's kind of what I wanted to say. Yeah, doing whatever it takes in a way, like just kind of bringing your interior kind of like to sort of like to sort of share in a way your goals, that's what I'm trying to say. Yeah, I think, sharing your goals with your friends or sharing your goals with your parents, like I often deal with anxiety about, like, what I just said or something like that. I deal with anxiety about, you know, just talking about my interests in anything. I do deal with anxiety with things that I like kind of just I don't know I involve myself with Close to Tom, but now talking about like a goal right, saying I'm doing this because I have a goal right, see where I'm going with this, like it actually gives me an opportunity to like just realize the truth, you know, in the moment, sharing something I care about with other people and just seeing whatever the universe gives back.
Eldar:Tom, tom, will you be my personal trainer and teach me how to stretch, because I remember at some point you were good at this and you became very flexible. I'd like to get to that point. I want to hire you and pay for your gym membership, but you will train me. Will you do a good job? Research it, find out what my problems are and train me. Yeah, that's it. Dundee, wow, dundee. You serve me, I serve you.
Tommy:I got a hundred dollars, you know what I'm saying, mike, yeah, 100%.
Eldar:I would be your student, Tom, and this stretching thing. I'd like to be more flexible. Tell you some of my pains and aches that I have. You know what I mean and, based on what I remember, you did a really good job. You were almost doing a split in front of me.
Tommy:Yeah, Mike, you've seen my splits, right yeah?
Eldar:And you did those bends and stuff like that. Do research, do right by me. Keep me injury free, make me last longer on the basketball court. Longevity, I'll pay for your gym membership. We can arrange it, we can talk about it. There you go. That's what just came to mind.
Mike:Damn Tom. You have some good friends, bro. You see what I'm saying.
Eldar:No, Then you could go and lead and say I'm actually a good friend of mine, I'm his personal trainer.
Mike:That's pretty serious and you'd be helping out a friend. Yeah, with no help.
Eldar:I hope I'm going to be in good hands, obviously. Yeah. But I'll trust you and I'll follow you and get me to a good place. Are you overwhelmed now, Tom? No, I'm just breathing Okay, so Mike, did we solve it. I appreciate that.
Mike:Yeah. We'll talk about it more afterwards. Yeah, and I think we understand that. Yeah, that was my initial thought, like right. Started with so. I think we agree, we agree with that. That it's, that's the root of it, the cognitive dissonance going against yourself and then just keep going on doing the same thing and never checking it and then living out those things, and that's the thing.
Eldar:And it becomes almost invisible, bro. It becomes so good at visiting you at any given moment, bro, and you're like what the fuck? You know? And, because you're not checking it right, like we zoomed in on your fucking shit, we know where it's coming from, like we identified this shit. It's a very specific thing and a very specific moment in time, but a lot of times people don't even know. Like, oh, anxiety, from where? From what? What you know? You have so many unchecked things in your life like he's talking about. This is what he's got. He's like he's a walk of anxiety, bro. You know what I mean? That he can't have peace of mind.
Tommy:He can't lead with the things that I'm talking about. Actually, the crazy thing is that I was going to say is that lately, just kind of knowing really what anxiety is has been actually pretty helpful for me. It's allowed me, I think, to be a better listener, which I've thought about, and I'm brought up today when I said yesterday I was wrong and I kind of tried to.
Tommy:You know, in a way, I knew I kind of did wrong on this job and I didn't meet certain requirements, like to do this, you know, order way in an orderly way.
Eldar:So now that you know my standard of things, I hope you prepare yourself properly for my coaching session. See, I could have touched my tail.
Tommy:I could have felt sorry and shamed about it. I was disappointed, but I also tried to understand what these things that people were critical of me were, what these things were. Yeah, so, and that kind of helped because you definitely redeemed yourself.
Eldar:You did better today. For sure you didn't accomplish the goal yet. You know you didn't bring it home yet, but it's better. You know you went from a rainbow to one color. This is great. You know we're talking about the couch fixing of the couch. Yeah.
Tommy:So, yeah, I think, yeah, I just recognizing anxiety, what is it, and kind of I don't know what is it that I do. I kind of just feel like you know, eckert Tolle, the power of now. The first thing that he says in his book is he was like in his early 30s, you know, and he was very, very unhappy and he had this kind of you know what do you call it when?
Tommy:you have a kind of panic attack. One morning he woke up sweating and he was, I guess. What do you call that when you have this kind of Frantic state.
Eldar:Yeah, he was in this kind of panic Breakdown.
Mike:Yeah, nervous breakdown. Something like that.
Tommy:Well, it matters. But he says to himself he's so depressed, I don't want to live with me anymore. This is like the headline in the book. He says I don't want to live with me anymore. And then I thought about it and I realized wait, who is this me when that I am thinking about?
Tommy:There must be two of me. There's the I who thinks, and there's the me that I'm talking about living with. Do you see what I mean? Oh, I get it, yeah. And so he talks about how you know how to recognize these thoughts that are not in fact yourself. In part of it I haven't read the entire book, but in part of it he does say to recognize that kind of like the negative thoughts and the sort of emotions tied to them are not necessarily you. And he tells you to kind of look into you know, right now, in the moment, to ask yourself how you feel, and that will tell you the truth about something.
Eldar:But it will not solve.
Eldar:Okay, it will not solve the underlying problem, okay, and the underlying problem which I think a lot of these guru people or whatever they are trying to say you know. Quiet your mind or whatever you know, just don't let your thoughts bother you. Don't think about right, separate the eye right and observe all this stuff. The truth of the matter is, if you living incorrectly, if your thoughts and understandings and belief systems right about the world is incorrect, you're going to continue to get them. You're going to keep having this uphill battle of telling yourself these are not my thoughts, this is not me, they don't belong to me and all this other stuff. But the truth of the matter is they are. They are your fucking thoughts.
Tommy:That's kind of one thing is. It's helping me with anxiety. Somebody's perceiving this shit, so to know what anxiety.
Eldar:You got to understand, tom. Somebody's perceiving this shit internally inside of you and somebody's making conclusions and somebody's feeling the shit out, and most of the time it's fucking you. You know what I mean. So, yeah, you can play the trick of like, oh, it's not me or no other stuff, but it's very difficult. My whole take on this. You have to fucking understand this. I think it's more of a Buddhist approach is that you have to learn. You have to learn, then you have to meditate and then you have to practice. Right.
Eldar:You know what I mean. You have to have a wraparound thing. Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
Tommy:So I guess what I'm trying to apply what I said to what you said. I'm learning what anxiety is.
Eldar:What you learned about anxiety from today's topic, based on how we define it, at least.
Tommy:I learned from today's topic about anxiety that in for one, for me, in my case, it's like an interior Right. Yeah, you know thing that I say, it's like a false version of me, that I kind of.
Eldar:Again. You see how he's describing it, just with that word, right there. It's a false version of me. It's not a false version of you, bro. You manifested this anxiety. You've created this in yourself. This is part of you. This is who you are. It's a result of very specific things. Even though you might not be able to track it back, you might not be able to point out exactly what had happened, nonetheless, you did this. You see that, right? Yeah, as long as you continue to perceive it as a false thing, that is not part of you and all this other crap, I don't think you ever will break it or understand it or crack it.
Mike:You know what I'm saying. I know what you're saying.
Eldar:Well, we said it's a result. An anxiety is a result of very specific thing, which is you thinking one thing and doing another, being in a space of cognitive differences, and that's for long enough to then receive anxiety or PTSD type of style thing, which is an indicator. An anxiety is also an indicator that you're doing something wrong, and something wrong is probably thinking, understanding and then acting. She's not extracting this, what we've concluded. She's still thinking that anxiety is some kind of a false thing. Oh, it's very real for a lot of people, tom. I see how you can go through that and think that way, but I'm not sure if it's helpful or beneficial for your growth or to removing it.
Tommy:I guess I was thinking about you know, and it's not so okay. So what you said is to lead with the truth or lead with-.
Eldar:Anxiety whatever. In whichever space you have anxiety, Like Mike said, ask yourself like why do I have this anxiety? How did I earn this anxiety from this? It's hard to do when you're experiencing it, for sure. But in a space like this, right, when we're thinking, we have thinking minds on right now. Right, we're not experiencing life, we're not experiencing anxiety, right, we can ask ourselves and try to remember. When we do have those episodes, we're going to say to ourselves, slow down and ask yourself okay, what is it that I'm experiencing and why am I experiencing and why did I earn this and why did I manifest this?
Eldar:When you take that type of an approach, you take responsibility for your actions and for your own anxiety and therefore, then you can find a time or a moment in space where you can make a choice what do I do about this? How do I understand this? And then you bring it up onto the table here, for example, right, and you discuss it. I have anxiety about this. I feel like this what am I getting wrong? Why am I getting it wrong? How can I perceive it differently? How can I understand it differently? And then, how do I act it out properly in reality, if you can marry those two and you have the truth that anxiety will start to dissipate.
Tommy:Oh wow, that's a really interesting. I haven't even thought of that Go.
Eldar:Because you've been bombarded by it for so long that it convinced you that it's this thing that is not curable or you can't fix it and all this other stuff that it's almost like this, is you even calling it false?
Tommy:So I guess what they say, that I mean, I think that probably I don't know they do say that people can be socially anxious. Right, I don't know if I'm necessarily socially anxious, I'm really not. I guess I'm more anxious about things like that meeting girls, yeah, sure, yeah, yeah.
Eldar:It's an earned response, bro. These are earned response. And if you start thinking it this way you're going to start trying to figure it out. You're going to be like you know what. I'm not laying down to anxiety anymore. I want to do something about it. You got to get pissed off. Yeah, yeah, like what the fuck is this Like again? Why do I have to learn this way? What am I? What I still need to learn?
Tommy:in order to get it to go away. The more I've taken ownership of my creativity, I've actually felt a little bit more I don't know less affected by, you know, the everyday stuff.
Eldar:Sure, Now you have to take ownership of your own anxiety. You have to take ownership of your anxiety. That's a different way of thinking, but it's more head on right To challenge it and to reroute yourself in it.
Tommy:So when you get to this point where you're asking what did I do wrong and this anxiety is that you're dealing with is now you've identified that it's specific. It's related to meeting girls.
Eldar:We just talked about your situation, right, I presented you with a picture that is true about you, correct? Yes, you did. You agreed with me. You said elder, these things are true, yeah, right. And then you like oh, but wait a second, but I don't lead with that. I lead with the fact that I don't have a job and I don't have X amount of money. Whoa, yeah, there you go. This is what you're going up against. You don't go with what I'm going with. Hey, how's it going? My name is this Great, what are you? What are you about? I'm about this. I'm about that. I'm telling them hey, my friends, this, my family, this is what I'm about, not about how much money.
Eldar:If the person starts to ask you about money, it's probably not the right person, because the things that you should be valuing or you should be focusing on are the things that are true, and I just explained to you those true things. You are free, bro. You understand where everybody's living. And then a rat race, tom, you are actually fucking free and that is something to be fucking proud of. Well, exactly, you see, you like that. You know why you like it, tom. Why? Why, because it's fucking reality and it's true to you, bro. It's your fucking reality. I'm explaining to you, I'm selling you to you and you're fucking with it. You're like, oh, I like that fucking vision for myself. Well, the truth of the matter is, tom, that's what it is. I'm not saying anything manufactured here. I'm not pumping smoke up your ass. You're weirdo, bro. These are things that are true about you.
Tommy:You know what I'm saying? Wait. So is that a problem that I need to be dealing with? Well, there you go. That's a different question.
Eldar:There you go. We can talk about why you're weirdo, Tom.
Mike:And.
Eldar:I'm going to tell you right now, tom, I don't have a hunch here. The reason why you're weirdo, tom, is because you got all these types of things mixed up in your head and you're living out the other side of it, and that's why you're weirdo, because you're stuck in those other things on the other side and they're fucking with you and you're constantly in your head in them. Right, instead of leading with what I just said, the actual reality of things that you drive the best car in the world. You can go anywhere you want.
Tommy:Now, what we're saying here is because, in a way, I kind of take this situation and I apply it to myself, saying you know, I don't necessarily. First of all, I don't really know if I want intimacy with a significant other right now. I don't know if I want to meet a girl right now. That's and I'm fine with that, and that's why I do not even allow these thoughts about when and where I'm going to work to phase me at all.
Eldar:You see, I'm perfectly. You're tying something because you have some kind of aspiration in your head.
Tommy:I'm perfectly content with my living moment to moment right now.
Eldar:Don't bring up the word intimacy ever again. Okay, don't fucking dare. What? Don't bring the word intimacy into the conversation. If you're fucking content, then you're good. What do you mean? You live the things that you're living and that's it.
Tommy:No, I mean I'm satisfied, Like I'm satisfied with my everyday life.
Eldar:You're the one who brought up intimacy, not me.
Tommy:Yeah, yeah, and I think it applies Absolutely. Why? Where does it apply? It applies to right now with my friends. You know, that's kind of what I've had on my mind, because I feel like I'm not so hung up and not so anxious. You know, I'm not so worried, I feel free. I guess it gives me, first of all, it brings me pleasure, makes my life pleasing, makes my work meaningful. You know the things that I do enjoy doing and exploring meaningful and fun. Actually, it's important. It is important, but say so, I guess, if, if, if I'm looking for intimacy for with somebody, and now I've identified this is a problem. What problem? Well, this, I call it the problem. What's the problem? That's the point. What's?
Eldar:the point.
Tommy:Okay. So problem one is I don't have intimacy. Problem two would be what is the problem that is preventing me from this intimacy? Okay, what is that? Yes, what is that? Okay, now. Now, how do I deal with this? How do I actually deal with that Part?
Eldar:two problem. You cannot identify the part two problem without knowing what the fuck the problem is in the first place, or you might not even be qualified in order to identify that being as a problem.
Tommy:So let's like, let's say in a hypothetical we I've identified the problem. It's because I'm not leading with the truth, which is. You're using my argument against me. No, no, I'm not, I'm not using it against you. I'm kind of I'm allowing it to kind of fit for this situation, because I want to know what to do in that, in that Say, say Then you don't have a problem at that point, you don't have a problem, tom.
Eldar:Okay, if you can reiterate what I just told you. Oh right, you don't have to be qualified in such a way where you actually believe it, just like I believe it. You don't have a fucking problem. That bitch is going to want to be all over you. You understand this, or no? Yeah, yeah, I do, I do, that's it, hmm, but you don't believe this shit. Like you said, you're having fun, you're not having fun, okay.
Tommy:I guess what I'm looking for here is I'm looking for red flags at that point, when you're actually there and you're looking for intimacy, how do you spot certain red flags, not only within the other person, but within yourself? I don't know what you're talking about, mike. Can you help me? You know, I guess, what I'm trying to say here is the red flag.
Mike:is that your perception of yourself?
Eldar:What red flags are you seeing in yourself? You're like what.
Mike:He's seeing that he's not good enough because he's not focusing on the good stuff, he's only focusing on what he doesn't have. Yeah, so that's the red flag, tom.
Eldar:Yeah, that you don't actually know what's important in life, what you need to look for actually is whether that individual that you're sitting across has the ability to understand what you're going to say. That is the only thing that you need If they can understand you, if they can fuck with what you're selling. You understand, and what are you selling Right now? You ain't selling shit. You ain't got shit. That's what you're leading with. I'm explaining to you that you have more than you think, but you can't be convinced of that. That's the paradox of your life, tom.
Tommy:Oh, you've been doing a pretty good job of convincing me of that.
Eldar:lately I've been trying to.
Tommy:Yeah, but see, the thing is, don't apply that to the idea that I refuse the trip to Paris.
Eldar:No, no, no.
Tommy:One day there might be a trip to Mumbai and I'll say I don't know.
Eldar:We're fucking around.
Tommy:Listen, we're fucking around sometimes.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I know, I was just you know. I mean we're serious.
Eldar:We would do it if we had.
Tommy:I don't know.
Eldar:So you don't perceive it as being a sign of that. No, no, no what I'm saying? That's just another thing, right? I mean your resume, that you had this ability the other day to go to Paris spontaneously, pack your bags and go on the first class flight because your friends chipped in.
Tommy:That's absolutely true, but but I'll apply this and I'm not saying that it's true, I'm not, I'm not accusing you or anyone of anything but something that I'm kind of aware of this idea that there are sometimes people who think that you can't make it without them. What you know, what I mean, what is this? I don't know, I'm not, I'm not accusing you guys of that, but in a way it's like if somebody says, okay, here's, like, here's a trip, and like here's your opportunity, and this and that and this and that, right, and you say no to it, right. There are two sides of this, I think in one, in one way, there's the person who says in one, in one decision could be yes, sorry. One decision can be like I guess yes or no, like you're receiving this gift but you're giving it away, you know, and because you don't trust in yourself and you don't believe in or love yourself. And then there's another, there's another way of looking at it, where you actually, you know, you're faced with this dilemma of like I can do this, of wondering whether or not you can achieve this on your own, and and in a way, I don't know, it sounds ridiculous. Actually, what I'm saying here sounds ridiculous. But what do you have to say about that? Like, right, what if that? I mean, for me the trip doesn't work, didn't work and it didn't. It wasn't right.
Tommy:That's not to say at all that I wasn't really stunned and didn't like kind of fully realize in that moment who the fuck I'm dealing with around here, you know. But the thing is, what I tried to take away from that moment that day was like a sincere appreciation and feeling of hopefulness. I tried to take away hopefulness because I realized that the more I actually care about my creativity and put myself out there into the world like, the more it actually starts to speak, in a way, from places that I never imagined. You know, this is maybe not the first time, right, but it's not definitely not the first time I've had aspirations to be doing more than what I'm doing. The thing is, I found that me being able to say no was difficult but in a way courageous of me in a way, in a way, and I try to actually, I try to actually believe. I think. I think I stick with my decision. That's what I'm trying to say here and I think it's so important to recognize that. You know, it's not to say that I don't know what I want to say here about this is that I mean I did tell you the next morning and I'll say this for whoever's listening I woke up in the morning and I thought to myself about what it's like to be in Paris, because I've been there before, and I thought to myself what it's like to wake up there and see the sun and how it just fills the place and how good that felt for me to be there for 10 seconds in my mind in that moment.
Tommy:But it also made sense when I kind of snapped back to reality, because reality sometimes isn't as fun as these dream worlds or like this daydream.
Tommy:It's not.
Tommy:It's sometimes it's not as fun.
Tommy:But when I think about the challenge and I was coming in here to work that day and I knew I was going to see you guys and that for me felt like it was just a build up on something consistent and something that I was enjoying and something that really told me okay, this is not my own world, my own world of reality, but actually a shared experience, human experience with these guys who I know, that made it so much more livable, man, and it actually made it a happier moment for me then to take that fucking trip to Paris, wow.
Tommy:But this is huge because you guys really you know you put yourself out there to try to do something which you really believe will actually spark an individual's mind, and I don't think that's wrong at all. I don't point the finger at you guys and say that's not right, but what I do think about is how that in itself is a model sometimes for things that you do now want coming into your life, which is that's not true for me at all, because I said here before, I want adventure and fun and romance and all that and friends. That's why that was a challenge.
Tommy:In a way, yeah, I am trying to say my friends right now are important to me. Being a connection with you guys is important to me. Mike, you probably can, you know, like give me a back me up, back me up on that right, and recently you did say that to me. You got to come around to your friends and hang out more.
Eldar:He always says this to you, I say it to everybody. Tom, how do you feel saying all this to me, to us?
Tommy:I feel actually some satisfaction, you feel good. Yeah.
Eldar:Now go lead with that Tom out there. Take this, what you just said to us, put it in your back pocket and next time you meet a girl, you'll lead with this. It's a good story, it's a good reasoning.
Mike:Tell us what kind of great, great life you have to have such friends there. You go To be part of a friend circle like this too, that we go there for each other, support each other, all this stuff that we do together. Who has that, tom?
Eldar:That's what I'm saying. That's the reality of it. It's not what you don't have, tom, is what you have, and what you have is what you have, bro. You just sometimes, you know, a lot of times people forget what they actually have. I mean, that's why a lot of times we say, be in the moment and appreciate what you have and all this other cliche shit, but we try to break it down here, this cliche shit, as to why the cliche shit is the cliche shit. So final thoughts, tom, on anxiety.
Tommy:That's it. That's all my final thoughts. All right, mike.
Mike:Yeah, I mean we have spoke a lot so I have to think about it, because you know that example that I had that we spoke about for me. Now I have to really think about it to understand this so I can crack it.
Eldar:Is there something new that was said here that you didn't look at it? It's not new. No, I don't think I said it.
Mike:We didn't say anything new, but I guess it's always like you know, you take more information, you humbly yourself more and you kind of learn more about it and you try to like yeah, because I'd like to know if there's a click, what would the click? Be. Yeah, I'm not sure if there will be a click, but you know. But it's kind of more solidifying that which I already know, which helps to get to the click. I think For sure.
Eldar:Yeah, you're tripping away, slowly Tripping away, and then one day you'll have that crack, and then break the whole fucking thing, yeah.
Mike:So yeah, it's very good, but the anxiety thing it's yeah. I think it's like in a way.
Eldar:If Oleg listened to this. Will this be helpful to him, because he posed this question?
Mike:Yeah, it will be, I think.
Tommy:How do you feel I got a question?
Mike:It forces you, if you're an individual who's a thinker, it forces you to take accountability Accountability and responsibility.
Eldar:And that's what you're saying and a lot of times people that with anxiety. I'm not sure if they do that Right. They kind of just like, oh, have anxiety. You know, like it's like this outside thing. You know, when you were saying stuff, this stuff and before, I almost was thinking that anxiety is a form of unexamined arrogance. Is that not a perfect segue to the next topic, Arrogance?
Mike:Oh yeah, I think it's.
Eldar:Anxiety is an unexamined arrogance.
Mike:Anxiamined form of arrogance. Form of arrogance yeah, and try to understand it.
Eldar:It's established right, or almost like automatic response to unexamined it's unexamined.
Mike:Yeah, yeah, you're right. I see what you're saying now, yeah.
Eldar:I tied the two together.
Mike:Because of that unexamined part then I see it, yeah, a lot of times it's not right.
Eldar:A lot of times I just thought about it. Yeah, I say oh, I have anxiety, or this and this and that. Right it's almost.
Mike:Well, a lot of times, anxiety, you say like, oh, it's not my fault, like why is it fucked up? That's right. You don't take responsibility for your own actions and therefore your arrogance. That's right, yeah.
Eldar:That's right. But as soon as you start taking responsibility, right, you have to cure your own arrogance to it. You know what I mean and if you do, you humble yourself and you choose a different path, hopefully you learn through it right, and then you cure your own anxiety and you remove anxiety by not being any more arrogant towards certain things that have established automatic responses like anxiety. That's my thing. That's my problem. That's good, all right. All right, thank you guys. All right, got one more question. One more on that question, all right.