115. Transforming Bad Attitudes into Opportunities for Growth

Have you ever felt like your own worst enemy, trapped in a cycle of negativity that stifles your growth and joy? That's precisely what we tackle head-on this week, diving deep into the roots of bad attitudes and their far-reaching consequences. Our candid conversations reveal how seemingly small irritations can snowball into a larger, more destructive state of mind, and we laugh at ourselves a bit as we share personal stories of trivial annoyances gone awry—from potato peeling fiascos to thwarted shooting range plans.

Together with our guest, a renowned psychologist specializing in emotional resilience, we navigate the delicate balance between expressing genuine feelings and curbing destructive attitudes. Our chat illuminates the often overlooked choice we have when faced with life's hiccups: to surrender to frustration or embrace humor and flexibility. It's a dance of introspection, as we consider whether our persistent negativity might be hiding deeper, unspoken emotions and emphasize the necessity of clear communication to maintain good spirits and positive life pivots.

In the spirit of transformation, our final musings revolve around self-awareness and the powerful influence of our social circles in helping us course-correct when our attitudes turn sour. We confront the hard but vital process of building trust through our attitudes and communication, acknowledging how a sunny disposition enhances receptivity to feedback and enriches our interactions. It's a poignant reminder that addressing negativity head-on is essential to safeguard our relationships, and ultimately, our well-being. Join us for an episode that's as much about learning and laughter as it is about self-improvement.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Understanding and Overcoming Bad Attitudes
• 8:28 Understanding and Expressing Attitude Emotions
• 15:24 Identifying and Addressing Bad Attitudes
• 27:52 Building Trust Through Attitude and Communication
• 32:58 The Impact of Attitude on Relationships
• 41:10 Negative Energy Exchanges in Relationships

Transcript

Eldar: 0:00

On this week's episode.

Katherine: 0:01

With this expression of a bad attitude. It's a multitude of things, and a lot of times people maybe are not under the right impression or don't even know how to resolve it, and so it just comes out as a bad attitude.

Toliy: 0:13

It does not allow for any kind of progress or learning to happen In the moment of an individual having a bad attitude. You're in that moment in the worst like position possible, like I can't think of a worse position. Wow, people with bad attitudes Are full of shit. Not only are they full of shit, but they know exactly what happens when they display it. Everybody conforms, okay.

Eldar: 0:40

All right, guys, this week's topic is bad attitude. We probably all encounter this. We probably at some point display this as well. Let's talk about what is it, why is it? And you know how far does it extend when it comes to our lives. What kind of grip does it have on us, what are the repercussions, what are the preventcussions, what are the preventative cares and everything else that's surround something like this?

Eldar: 1:09

a bad attitude right um, I'm gonna start by saying, probably opening this up, by saying that bad attitude is closely linked to um closed-mindedness, right that I think they're very closely synced in um together. Because to have a particular attitude in the first place, right A specific attitude, you have to be set that, set on something, right Um. One way or the other, you'll have to have an attitude right Um, and then, if you have really strong feelings about something, you might develop a bad attitude towards whatever you know, and I think that uh is closely linked to having a closed mind. So let's open that up totally. Um tell us why do you feel how you feel about this whole topic? Because, because you say that this, this particular topic, has its hand in everything you're saying, yeah, and that it really fucked you up recently.

Toliy: 2:12

Yeah, um, so I, I, I witnessed a, a scenario where somebody was having a really um bad attitude towards something Right, having a really um bad attitude towards something right, and it kind of was not only like you can see that like it, it it clearly affects the person that has a bad attitude right, because I don't think like they have a good time, um, and then it also affects, I guess, like not everybody equally, but you know other people around you in different ways as well.

Toliy: 2:46

Yeah, I witnessed that, and then it was just like to me very like, like alarming in the sense, cause I was like in a one mood and then, like the other person was in a different mood and, um, like, I changed some of my plans, like plans around you know um, to like attend like a particular event, like plans around you know um, till I can attend like a particular event, um, and the bad attitude was like it, like it, just like.

Toliy: 3:12

I mean, I've definitely had bad attitudes many times and I've witnessed bad too many times, but this time it was just like a really like a eye-opener. Why like in the sense? Because it's like um, I got to see it like on full display and then, maybe when I got to see it I did like a time travel of my own bad attitudes and then just like thought about all the times that I could like think of where, like I had different bad attitudes, right and um, what, what that did can you give us one example of your own bad attitude, to go kind of for an example that you went through?

Toliy: 3:50

Yeah, well, I mean, I have lots of times where I have bad attitudes that are like in small things or like big things.

Toliy: 3:56

I would say the majority of bad attitudes I have is like, let's say, over the last like 10 years or so, is like you proposing some something to me and then me having a bad attitude toward towards it, because I have an assumption as to what that is, or like how that'll be and how that'll feel, or like what'll happen from it. So I have a bad attitude towards it, like wanting to hear it, and it's not like what I was, like, uh, envisioning like that. That would be a bad attitude. Um, I have a bad attitude if like um, like, for example, like uh, like typically like if we have plans for like you know, lunch, for example, at like a particular place and ends up being like um, closed or something like that, or there's some kind of like difficulties, and then like you'll have to go somewhere else, which is like not as good or not what you wanted, and then like you, just, it's very easy to have a bad attitude then rather than like have like a, a good attitude going with the flow kind of.

Eldar: 4:53

Thing.

Toliy: 4:54

Yeah. So it's like, why did this happen? It's typically when, like plan a, for example, doesn't work out, and then you have to go towards, like maybe plan B or C, and then, like it could also be like a buildup of things right, like maybe throughout the day there was already two or three times two or three things that like didn't go your way, and then accumulation kind of thing, and then, yeah, that like accumulated towards now this thing also not going your way.

Toliy: 5:21

Okay, so now you like completely unload with like a really bad attitude because of that. You're not open-minded. You just wanted something. You already had a bad day and then this was just the cherry on top for you to just be like that's it.

Eldar: 5:35

It's like one of the clients that just recently, when she called you and you picked up the phone and she said what, what she's like.

Toliy: 5:42

I'm having such a bad day? Yeah, she just unloaded and she said what? Why she's like I'm having such a bad day?

Eldar: 5:44

Yeah, she just unloaded, she's just like and another fucking thing.

Toliy: 5:47

Yeah, there's just another fucking thing to my plate. I'm already having a terrible day.

Eldar: 5:50

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then you would call that a bad attitude, obviously, right, yeah, yeah, I think lots of times you not really understanding what's going on, but yet you feeling a particular way towards it. But your perception is and Catherine probably can relate to this quote I never get what I want.

Katherine: 6:13

I used to say that a lot. Yeah, no, nothing ever goes my way.

Eldar: 6:17

Sorry, there you go. Nothing ever goes my way. Like you just said, hey, it's almost an accumulation of like. I didn't get this, I didn't get that. And now this third thing I also didn't get that. Like I never get my way, and then you just have to throw it.

Katherine: 6:30

But it comes from a very negative mind space you know, to say, like nothing ever goes my way, or you know, it's a very negative way to approach it.

Toliy: 6:40

Yeah approach to approach it. Yeah, so when, when I witnessed it, like to me like that moment is a very like um, like when someone has it really bad. At that moment, when it happens, it's almost like like it's alarming because, like, if you're not on that kind of like flow or that kind of level of like anger, for example, or like frustration, yeah, you almost get a little bit like um caught off guard, um like by it right, because like it like it's just not like a um a comfortable feeling to be around somebody that has a bad attitude, um, unless, like you're maybe more or less like expecting it and you start like playing around with it, right, but um, you couldn't you, at the time when you had that example, you couldn't almost foresee it to be that way.

Toliy: 7:28

Because you're like, wait a second, like you couldn't foresee it, because yeah, and oftentimes, like these bad attitudes come from probably like um, focusing on probably like the wrong things and like uh, maybe not being grateful, right, um, and maybe like being attached to like a particular outcome or like a particular like item thing versus like like, for example, like let's, let's just say that, like I don't know, we had like an event at my house. I bought a bunch of like meat and different things and they all came out bad. Right, instead of being like yo, today the shit is dead, let's just order some wings and pizza and like it didn't work out. People are either complaining or maybe like I'm super upset and now I'm like snappy, I'm like yo, what else is going to go bad today?

Toliy: 8:16

it kind of affects the whole group it's almost like it can be contagious because it's energy.

Katherine: 8:21

You feel it. It's a downer on on the whole.

Toliy: 8:25

Yeah, yeah, yeah so that that's what I was saying. With with bad attitude, it's like it's it's bad for you and it's like bad for the people around you, especially like untrained people absolutely that are not comfortable with bad attitudes. Right, because there is like an energy passes over yeah yeah, passes over, right.

Toliy: 8:42

Like like I don't know, like uh I, you asked me to peel the potatoes. I peeled them wrong. You could like approach and be like yo, you fucking dumbass, you ruined everything. Like potatoes are not peeled properly, right. Or you could be like you know, okay, like we'll do them this this time, but like you could make fun of me. You could like you know we could go get another bag, right. Like there there's there's different things we can do and oftentimes, like the bad attitude person at the moment, they almost, they almost act as if like that's it, like like people died, everything is dead, like there's there, there's no way to like it's the end of the world.

Toliy: 9:17

It's the end of the world. There's no way to remedy this right and oftentimes people that maybe that have a good attitude, something didn't go their way. We went to like like it was almost like an example of like a good attitude was. Like, when we wanted to go to like that, uh, that like a gun range Right, and we couldn't shoot, we just kind of asked the guy some questions, we picked his brain. We still had a little bit of fun on top of it. We go to a restaurant that's just utter fucking dog shit, like serving like literal dog shit, right, and like we could have all felt a particular way and started being a bit nasty to each other, or just like been really down or like that Kat was trying to drag us down a little bit.

Eldar: 9:57

Yeah, maybe a little bit really yeah, when we chose to go to McDonald's oh, for sure, I mean yeah like yeah, when we chose to go to McDonald's. Oh for sure, I mean yeah Look what he's saying.

Katherine: 10:06

It didn't work out the gun range. We went to a restaurant, it was horrible, and then we decided to follow that up with McDonald's.

Eldar: 10:12

That was consistent.

Katherine: 10:13

You know what I'm saying yeah.

Toliy: 10:15

We didn't redeem it at all, I think at that point we were joking a lot at the restaurant. We found this funny. Yeah it was nasty, but we had good attitudes towards it, yeah, and then we had to be like yo, mcdonald's is consistent, right.

Toliy: 10:26

Like yeah, we know what we're going to get. We're just like we're already eating kind of like shitty food. Like we went there, we had it, whatever. We just kind of like laughed a bit, enjoyed ourselves and then we went home but we didn't like feel extremely like like bitter or like it's out of your control, so like attaching yourself so much to it.

Katherine: 10:47

You know it's a little silly, but we do it all the time.

Eldar: 10:51

We can't control all the outcomes so again I'm hearing the same theme.

Katherine: 10:55

Attachment right if you don't have a bad expectation, attachment control right.

Eldar: 11:02

As soon as you start making attachments, you want certain very specific outcomes. You don't get those outcomes, you feel a certain type of way You're going to throw a fit. You're going to throw a fit, so it sounds like you're recommending at least hold no attachments, keep an open mind. Understand that there are variables in life, like the choice of meat that you chose can be, you know, traveled longer than expected in the truck, got bad and now you don't have it right. Like there's a variable of that that happening, that you're not going to get the perfect meet every single time right, so then you can also always pivot. So it's almost like hey, don't make any conclusions about life and kind of roll with the punches.

Toliy: 11:35

Yeah, yeah, in like a way, but it's also it's like the bad attitude is often like a very trained response because, like, if something doesn't go our way or we don't get what we want, or maybe like, yeah, someone that like doesn't know the reality of things or like can't see things for what they are, because their response typically stems with frustration and anger versus open-mindedness and learning and education and figuring out and finding a way, being more investigative. When it comes to what you're doing, it's right away like something doesn't go the way, so I need to respond with anger and frustration and I need to do and and like muscle you away to getting the results that you want yeah well, or try to right, try to, but it's also like lots of times it's like to me this um recurring way of being frustrated or being angry or have or having like a bad attitude.

Toliy: 12:41

To me is, lots of times it's like a bottled up feeling that you've never shared before, like that. So I feel it, yeah, really yeah, yeah, it's like I actually think the opposite you're almost like not saying how you actually feel, so you like in, like a way, so you're having just this bad attitude, yeah you see, like I actually don't think so.

Eldar: 13:00

I actually think that the bad attitude is present. For many times, it's just maybe in small segments. You are actually saying it and the bad attitude keeps coming out. It's not like it's just a one blow up moment.

Toliy: 13:14

Yeah, but I feel like you never like unload where you're just like this is what it is. You just have this need to like, keep having this attitude towards it because like, or towards others Because you never like. I actually share how you feel and then feel understood. Like.

Katherine: 13:26

okay, frustrated Like, because you never like I actually share how you feel and then feel understood like, okay, frustrated, like about that, okay, you've never been heard. I kind of maybe just wanted to like continue on what tuli said about like you're not really fully transparent, maybe about what you're feeling, right. But there's so many things underneath that, like all the stuff that we just spoke about. Right, it could be, uh, perfectionism, it could be expectation control, you know, maybe not being grateful, right. But there's also one thing that I have to add, just on a personal note, is like not knowing how to express the emotions because you don't know how to identify them. So you don't know how to identify what you're actually going through. You can't see it for what it is, therefore you can't identify it, and Therefore you can't identify it.

Katherine: 14:06

And then, if you have a communication problem, communicating those feelings is also really hard. So what happens is like, for example, anger is one of those emotions, that that's what a person is going through, something, and there are a couple of things are going on, and then all you see is that outburst of anger, but underneath the anger is a whole layer of stuff. So I think that with this expression of a bad attitude, it's a multitude of things and a lot of times people maybe are not under the right impression or don't even know how to resolve it, and so it just comes out as a bad attitude. What do you guys think about that?

Eldar: 14:36

I definitely think having a bad attitude and communicating in the way of a bad attitude is a bad form of communication, for sure.

Eldar: 14:43

It's a form of communication, for sure, for sure, and, like you, you said I think you've built it up for so long you've never communicated your feelings properly that it's finally coming out this way and it's all mumble jumbled until bad attitude yeah, like I, I I would say that oftentimes it's bad attitude is is like um, a, like a um, a mix of different emotions being expressed, but they oftentimes don't make sense, like the ways that you're not actually saying anything.

Toliy: 15:16

You're just kind of like expressing how you internally feel, but in physical form.

Eldar: 15:24

But we used the word anger recently, just now. Anger has to, has a hand in it too, right? Yes, you're angry about something you might not know, things not going your way, you might not be able to point it out. Actually, like katherine said, right, you can't identify it, but because there's a lot of deeper shit going on down there, but anger is one of them yeah, it's one of those you're just angry because, like yo, I'm not getting my way. Like what the fuck is happening yeah and and and why.

Toliy: 15:49

like um, the way I view and like the way I'm seeing bad attitude now is that like um, bad attitude is like a, like a form of cancer, right, that like grows inside of you, right, and it just like, um, uh, it, it, it just like spreads to everything. Okay, right, because like it's, it's applied to like all facets of, like your life. Like it's not like one specific thing, like you're bad at this, like bad attitude can flare up in everything, which is why, like, I feel like it's so important. And by bad, by having a bad attitude, can flare up in everything, which is why, like, I feel like it's so important.

Toliy: 16:27

And by having a bad attitude, when you have a bad attitude, you don't have ability to understand, you don't have, like, any ability to learn, you don't have abilities to like have like a normal conversation with, like a person. You don't have any abilities to like have fun. Like in that moment, right, you kind of just like prevent anything that's positive that's going to happen. To like, to, to, to like occur. Like you, you, you, that's it. Like you, you ruined everything for yourself in that moment and you're potentially like ruining it for others and maybe having like a dampen on it? Um, as well, does a person with a bad attitude know they have a bad attitude? Um, in the moment of having a bad attitude now?

Eldar: 17:15

okay, yeah, how does one with a bad attitude finds out that they have a bad attitude? I?

Katherine: 17:20

mean it requires some self-awareness or someone else calling it out. Okay, okay.

Eldar: 17:24

Okay, there you go. Somebody pointing it out. Okay, now let's talk about that person that needs to point it out. The bad attitude. How do you go about it?

Katherine: 17:33

Enemy the person's going to become an enemy real quick.

Eldar: 17:37

So what do we do and how do we do it? How does a person right who doesn't really know that they have a bad attitude? Fine, they'll have a person around them to then tell them that they have a bad attitude, or raise awareness that they actually do have a bad attitude about this particular thing or whatever yeah, because a person doesn't know any better.

Katherine: 17:56

They've been acting how they're acting for x amount you know for for so long, until someone says you know, stops them and it's like hey, you know, like you know, your attitude towards this is, you know, whatever.

Eldar: 18:09

And then you have to fight it right, Because you're going to be like no, I don't, I have very good reasons.

Katherine: 18:12

No, I don't. I have yeah, you have all this justification about why you react or why you you know you are the way you are. Hmm.

Mike: 18:21

Yeah, yeah, I mean, interesting the way I was thinking about it, about the bad attitude. I guess maybe you guys might have said it, but the person is confused or under the wrong impression about what's important and what's not, and when. That's the biggest one that I see. You know, like your bad attitude comes from. Like, for example, tully was saying something. He had an expectation of how this thing was supposed to play out and for him, that concept that he created in his mind of how that was supposed to go was the most important thing, but that thing was not actually important. Yeah, you know, um, I mean, I gotta try to think. I think of an example where that played out, where, um, it'd be easier maybe to explain.

Mike: 19:11

But I think that's the problem. A lot of times, when you believe something that's important which is really not, and usually with a bad attitude, you will defend it to the death, you know, and that's where you really get to show your cards, your ignorance, your attachment, all these, you know, bad traits, bad traits, um, they all stemming sounds like to me, because you believe something that is not true, like the most important thing. Maybe, I don't know, you guys were saying about the meat, for example, example, or the lunch selection for the day. You know, I mean, the value isn't what you're eating. Maybe the value is something else.

Eldar: 19:52

The value might be in you gathering the social aspect, being with friends, right yeah, it's not where you go, it's who you go with.

Mike: 19:59

Yeah not that cliche statement. But you know, what's more important right with that is like you don't have control. When you go to a place, whatever you're buying, you could buy a meal at a restaurant. They could have bad meat. We went to the supermarket plenty of times. We got good steaks. That we get 100 times a year. One time, that one time out of those 100 we had a bad steak. I mean, okay, it happened. Right, it was a bad cut, whatever. Like you said, it laid on the truck. But you know that attachment or that expectation probably too.

Eldar: 20:39

Um sure, these are all good concepts and good suggestions and stuff. Okay, now we we go back to the what my question is about. Now that you're the person who does, who has a bad attitude, but doesn't know that you have a bad attitude, you're gonna you're almost at a mercy of good individuals in your life. Let's hope that you do have like attitude you're almost at a mercy of good individuals in your life. Let's hope that you do have. Let's just say Toli's example right. He's met with a person, finally, who has a bad attitude. He identified this person who clearly has a bad attitude. What does he do? How does he raise awareness? What's the steps here?

Mike: 21:11

The same way, to always raise awareness, because the person is going to be saying certain things. You're not going to use the word C, right? The C word compassion. No, I'm definitely not going to use that soft word. I would say asking questions, but you know very you know, maybe loaded questions to help the person to come to their own realization Like yo, this is actually not that important, I'm being stupid here and to come to the own realization, like yo, this is actually not that important. I'm being stupid here, but without saying like calling that person an idiot, but formulating questions in such a way that that person, hopefully, is going to arrive to that own conclusion on its own and doesn't blame you.

Eldar: 21:47

Yeah yeah, Sometimes I use a shortcut. I just call it for what it is. I'm like yo. You got a bad attitude, that's it. I'm done with you.

Katherine: 21:54

I'm ready to get into that fight Sometimes.

Mike: 21:59

I orchestrate it in a very specific way where like but I don't think what I mean. My guess is that you're not doing that on the first jump, probably not. You know, it's a build-up of that person displaying the same bad attitude and that same specific scenario, like yeah, on the basketball court, this person consistently behaves a certain way. Yeah, yeah, after 20 times you're gonna hit them with the over the head. That's it. Yeah, but if it was the first time, it would be premature, probably, for you to say that you would ask him hey, like, what's going on? Why are you behaving?

Mike: 22:25

like this why are you throwing a fit? Why are you upset like, uh yeah, you know more.

Toliy: 22:30

So I also think that, like, you could also make a bit of like, of a mockery of it, like when, when, when it comes to like um, like uh rolling, because it's like, if someone's like no, I don't like that place, I'm not going there, right.

Katherine: 22:46

If they have this like bad attitude right, you can just do it back Like yeah, fuck that, wait a second emphasize way about it and it's almost like because people with bad attitudes are typically met with like always opposite the resistance yeah, so when you side with them.

Eldar: 22:58

They're like wait a second, wait, I wasn't expecting this. Yeah, I think when.

Toliy: 23:02

Element of surprise like if if you do that and you're with other people as well, it becomes very funny. Like everyone's gonna find it funny. Yeah, right, yeah, yeah, right, yeah. Or imagine like all five people like yeah, that place fucking sucks.

Eldar: 23:14

Like fuck him, yeah, yeah then you become the oddball, right then you become no no, then it's almost like I think it freezes that person.

Toliy: 23:22

Yes, right, because it's like yo like what's happening here. Right, like they're agreeing with me so what does that say?

Eldar: 23:30

what? What does that say because they had an agenda. Yeah right, they want to pass agenda. They want to infect you with a bad attitude.

Toliy: 23:39

People with bad attitudes are full of shit not only are they full of shit, but they know exactly what happens when they display it. Everybody conforms around them you know people start to. They confuse their bad attitude with like, like they have to like you know.

Eldar: 23:58

So then, what you're saying is that bad attitude is actually a manipulation play, a psychological manipulation play to get exactly what you want and or need in that moment with a very specific communication method.

Katherine: 24:13

Yes, in that moment with a very specific communication method. Yes, well, yeah, didn't we agree that it was mostly of an outcome that we couldn't control, or, you know, having an expectation that wasn't met? Yes, yeah, like I don't know.

Toliy: 24:21

Yeah, like I I don't know if they can control it like we're gonna be like, all right, like this is what I want. I'm gonna have a bad attitude right now, like I I I don't think it's that, no, but I, I think it's, it's a, subconsciously it is that yeah? No, it's a subconsciously it is that, yeah, no, it's a subconscious way, but I'm saying that it's not like a conscious effort, that like this is what it is. Sure, I do think it's like a, a retarded outburst. Like this is what it is.

Eldar: 24:42

I see, I'm not sure if it is actually. Yeah, now that I think about it more. I think it's a getting things like you said, like look, I've had a bad attitude before and it's proven to me that actually I do get what I want at the end of it. Right, I just have to open my mouth big enough yes I need to scare a whole bunch of people in this room like a spoiled kid, or like a spoiled kid, right, I'm gonna throw a crazy tantrum.

Eldar: 25:08

Mom, buy me the lollipop. No, what you know. Mom's like okay, I'll buy the fucking lot. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. And they're like oh shit this works.

Mike: 25:17

It's a learned behavior. It has to be a learned behavior.

Eldar: 25:20

It's a manipulation tactic, an effort to get exactly what you want.

Toliy: 25:24

Yeah, but I do think that it happens when you don't understand what's going on.

Eldar: 25:29

No, what do you mean? No, I think I disagree with you.

Toliy: 25:32

No, but I think it is subconscious. I don't think that it's a conscious effort each time.

Eldar: 25:37

No, I agree with you that it's a subconscious effort, but nonetheless it's a very specific effort.

Toliy: 25:42

Well, no, it's a very specific effort, but I don't think that the person knows what's going on. I definitely don't know that they know how they're making everybody feel oh sure, or what they're valuing. Like, like to me, okay, first place, that didn't work out to me. Like, if I'm having a good attitude, the most important thing is that, like yo, we can laugh about it, we're, we're together, we're hanging out like we're we're. We're gonna figure out a way to enjoy ourselves. It doesn't matter the place, it just matters more, like the people, for example, yeah, but but that's next level. I think no, but I'm saying that if you're displaying a good attitude, right, you kind of make good of bad situations. Maybe you I don't know wanted to go to some concert really bad and it just starts pouring rain and it's outdoor, right. Yeah.

Toliy: 26:26

And everyone's like yo, this sucks. Yeah, you could just figure out a way. Yeah, if you have a good attitude, you know, figure out a way like you. If, yeah, if you have a good attitude, you could figure out how to like extract, like fun and joy and happiness from like everything and at the same time, um, where appropriate, you can you open yourself up for more again, like learning, education, like progress, like develop, like ever everything. So like, to me it's like that. That. That that's why, when like it, it um clicked a little bit.

Toliy: 27:01

For for me, it definitely reminded me of like all the times in my life when I don't know, let's say, you're like suggesting stuff, or like you know telling me to do something, or like that, or like you know I wanted this. But you're saying that and like, instead of like taking the time to like be like okay, like let's try this out, or like how about I just ask some questions about it? Maybe I have to learn something about this that I don't know right, um, before I feel a certain type of type of way like about it, but no, like I've just displayed like a bad attitude towards that thing. Yeah, and then, like that like prevented me in that moment from like bonding with that person, for example right, or like enjoying something, or like potentially being like exposed to something I haven't tried before, I had before.

Eldar: 27:44

But does that? Does that require a level of trust?

Toliy: 27:47

Um, I mean it could require like a level of of trust Because, like if you're making suggestions.

Eldar: 27:52

right, if a level of trust. Because if you're making suggestions, if I told you something, if you suggested something to me, like this first restaurant, and I have a bad attitude about it, and then you suggest a second thing, it's almost like I don't trust you. I don't trust that you have my best interest at heart here. Can't you tell I want to go to this specific restaurant? You're not hearing me, you don't have my feelings as a priority. Like, why are you suggesting this fucking stupid stuff when I want a very specific thing? So, like I think there's no trust really there where those two people can have more of an engaging conversation or ask questions and stuff around it. Right, versus just kind of jumping into a conclusion. Right, mind, this, I think, is also because you maybe lack trust in that person, that that person is actually my wishing you well or might have potentially, um, your best interest at heart for that moment. Like, I know what you're talking about with my examples, and the recent one was, you know the one that I was like, hey, totally, this chat that you want to, you want to really like, read this, this is gonna be very interesting.

Eldar: 28:48

It's a lot of messages, you know you're like no, I'm not doing this. You know, like you had like a response, automatic response to it, and I was like, okay, fine, and I'm not doing it either. You know, like you had your like demands and I had my demands, almost Like I met you with those same hard demands, and then you kind of gave in, or you were more open-minded and then you enjoyed what I wanted to pass through to you, right, like, hey, look like I pass through to you, right like, hey, look like I think you will enjoy this, like I think you're gonna enjoy this. But your initial reaction was a closed-minded one and then you snapped out of it, because maybe I snapped you out of it the way I was doing it, yeah, uh, but you came around. But you came around, I think, because maybe we have trust built, built in that you're like oh, okay, like I think that alda does want yeah I need to entertain myself here.

Toliy: 29:31

Yeah, I, I think it was more of like what you were saying at first, like I felt like I didn't recognize, when you said that how I was acting and the reality of how I was acting, like it was like an ugly form of acting, yeah. And then you met me with like ugly back and I'm like why is he doing this? You know like that. And then like, but like, like, obviously this all happened very fast, you know, yeah, right. And then when you, when you met me with that resistance back and I was like yo, like this isn't, like, like, like it doesn't feel good or like sound good, I was like wait, why is this happening? And then like, and then, um, you caught it where I was like okay, wait, yeah, I'm being fucking like arrogant and, like you know, not like a good, like a person. Yeah, and I should read these messages, right, because if you're telling me to read them and I'm going to obviously enjoy myself then you wouldn't be doing that, unless this is what but that's the thing again.

Eldar: 30:24

Within that moment, there was a lapse of judgment or a lapse of trust, almost that there's no trust right for the moment, Like where, maybe you forgot who I was right, yeah, and you carried a closed mind for that moment. Yeah, you know what I'm saying yeah you know so so I do.

Toliy: 30:46

My initial reaction was like, not a good one, because I wasn't thinking right, and then your abrupt, like reaction led me to start to think you know, yeah, but then again you relied almost on me to have that type of reaction.

Eldar: 31:01

I was quick with it and that's how we turned it around quick, yeah.

Toliy: 31:05

In that specific example. Yeah, I did.

Eldar: 31:06

You did. You turned it around very quick yeah, you know what I mean In order to get where, to a place where everybody was happy. Yes, right, you enjoyed yourself, I enjoyed myself. We talked about it. You know hot goss and all this other crap. You know that we like to discuss and stuff, but again, I think that there's a level of trust that needs to be built in where, like, one person or the other almost have to rely on that, sometimes when they're sleepwalking.

Toliy: 31:33

Yeah, but I do think that the attitude thing is like a I do think part of it is like a lifestyle thing and like an understanding thing and like you don't always need to purely operate on trust, because then it's kind of saying that like if you operate on trust and you don't really have to have like a good or bad attitude, you just kind of have to trust.

Toliy: 31:59

But sometimes I think having this good attitude can be used with strangers or with people you don't know or situations that, like you aren't sure of. But yeah, I think, overall, having the good attitude, um it, it just like it, like like it's only a plus, like I, like I can't picture a scenario where you have a good attitude, because oftentimes as well, like I associate I, I, I associate bad attitudes with not thinking and good attitudes with thinking. I think if you have a good attitude, I think you're more likely to be put in a position where you're going to hear someone out, you're going to think, you're going to be able to ask questions and you're going to be able to do those kind of things where, if you're in a position where you're having a bad attitude, you're not doing any of that, so no thinking will happen.

Eldar: 32:55

Okay, so here's my next question to you, based on what you just said. Would you say, then, good attitude, good attitude is a result of having the ability or no, not having the ability? Good attitude is a result of finally filling your cup and having something to give back, versus a bad attitude having your cup empty and you need something to take I was thinking about it like, like in a one is full, one is depleted.

Eldar: 33:29

You. Having a good attitude is to give. This is what, how I saw it is you're giving out, you're giving out. Yeah, bad attitude you have to bring in the way I saw it is uh, and I agree with you.

Mike: 33:43

But the way I saw it is, having a bad attitude is some like uh, it's in a way, it's like without actual choice, right, and a good attitude is a conscious effort.

Eldar: 33:54

Yeah, yes, that's the way I thought about it, so I think it ties to your thing, but that's what he just said, yeah he said you're thinking, you're processing, you are aware you are in the moment, you know exactly what is happening and it's almost a choice in the matter. That's what I'm saying, though, is that, like you, like, but you can only do this when your cup is full well, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Toliy: 34:13

So I, I overall I agree with that uh premise, um, but I, I I also think that like, um, you basically, yeah, like you like now, now, now that I'm thinking about it like you cannot be like in in mo. In moments where we learn or we progress or we think, or we get something, or like something positive happens, you pretty much always have a good attitude.

Eldar: 34:40

Yeah.

Toliy: 34:41

You have to, you have to. There's no other way.

Eldar: 34:44

That receptiveness and it's almost like you're conducting this thing where you can, like you said, progress, develop, learn. There's no way around it, like like you said it's like a mind cancer. If you have a bad attitude, you're done. That's what I'm saying.

Toliy: 35:00

I think inherently bad attitude. Um, it does not allow for any kind of progress or learning to happen and like, yeah, I, I, I would say, in the moment of an individual having a bad attitude, you're in that moment in the worst position possible. Like I can't think of a worse position, wow.

Eldar: 35:21

So would you say that's just a result of the decision making and the choices and the values and your beliefs already established? They're just showing their face in physical form.

Toliy: 35:29

Yeah, I think Well, yeah, but I don't know, I don't view it as like, okay, you need to punish this person. No, I think well, yeah, but I don't know, like, I don't view it as like, okay, like you need to punish this person, or like, no, I'm not saying that yeah, no, no, no, I'm not saying that, I'm actually saying that, the opposite, I'm actually saying that the person is already manifesting and almost punishing themselves for their beliefs and values that they do carry.

Toliy: 35:49

Yeah, and this is just a form of how it comes out, yeah, and why I'm saying that?

Toliy: 35:53

Like it's one of the worst things, or like probably the worst thing I could think of to have. Because in the moment of having a bad attitude, right, you like it's extremely bad for yourself because you maybe let off a little bit of steam, or like you kind of like say how you feel, yeah, right, but it's like say how you feel, yeah, right, but it's extremely, extremely short lived, right, so it's not even like you're going to get like, okay, now you have like another month of like relief, right, like you may have like a 10 second or five second like window of like some kind of like relief that you like like a let out. It's very short lived, but what relief that you like like, uh, let out, it's very short-lived, but what's lasting is the damper that you kind of put on everybody else as well, and like the energy that you only if those other individuals are not protected yes, but I would say for majority of individuals they're, they're not going to be protected in those moments, right?

Toliy: 36:50

and then what also happens is that, like when you, when you're displaying this, like obviously like for majority of people they're one they're going to hold this against you, right, and they're going to form, like they're going to form their opinions about you and how you act, right, and like, if you do that consistently enough, like you're pretty much going to be blocked from everyone around you because they're going to rule you out on not only this subject, but pretty much every subject. Because, again, the bad attitude it's so bad because it's not isolated in one particular field or something.

Eldar: 37:28

It touches everything.

Toliy: 37:28

It touches everything. So when all interactions with all different people on all different things in life, you're going to be this like cancer to yourself and people and people around you and it takes very like, very rarely do people like just out there are able to kind of like um to, to like um, combat it, combat it, yeah, in like a way more people are, are more like startled with it or like upset about it or like they get like a bit infected about it, right, but like yeah, it just ruins like relation.

Toliy: 38:00

Like yeah, I mean I can't stress how bad it is.

Eldar: 38:05

Like are you not empowered enough in order to challenge it and rid yourself from those moments? And perhaps maybe influence that individual who is suffering from bad attitude Because you know it's a long game moment, and perhaps maybe influence that individual who's suffering from bad attitude Because you know it's a long game to hammer out the fucking bad attitude.

Toliy: 38:22

Yeah, yeah, like one, like, yeah, and like, if you're asking me in like particular right, like for me in particular, like I definitely don't have the ability to do it in all situations, but for a long time I've done it in many in like you know, like in many different ones. One that's ongoing is always like if I go over to like my parents house, an ongoing thing that happens is that, like my mom will go shopping and she'll go buy this stuff, and oftentimes my mom, like you know, she likes to experiment, she likes to get like new things right, or like she might not communicate with my grandma or someone like that and like buy something that like we already have right, or like they already have at home, right. Or like she'll buy something that, like they haven't had before tried before, and like, when they come home and I'm observing what's happening, my grandma's going through like the different things and my grandma has a recurring bad attitude towards the things that my mom buys right. So like my mom would be, like you know excited about something.

Toliy: 39:26

Yeah yeah, my mom would be excited about something new or like something, or like something that she got. Am I gonna be like, why are you buying all this? Like like we already had it, or like what you get this for? Like you know, in a very bad attitude, way right, and like my mom definitely knows, like I'm joking and like I'm trolling and oftentimes my grandma will too, because I intentionally do it extremely animated so like I will practice that that thing I was saying before, yeah, and I would be like, yeah, like, like mom, why, why are you such an idiot?

Eldar: 39:57

Why do?

Toliy: 39:57

you keep doing this stupid-ass shit. I'll do it in a very specific animated way, where I'm writing with the person but now my grandma's like I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that Because what I'm doing, I think, in those moments when it clicks for her.

Toliy: 40:14

I'm showing her how ugly she's being to somebody else. Or like my mom will want to be inspired about something, to bake something or some kind of bread. But like it takes a lot of time, it's like a handsy thing. It's definitely a lot easier to just go buy a loaf of bread or something like that and my mom will be inspired and excited about it and my grandma will put a dampen on it and she'll be like why are you doing this? We can just get this from the store or something like that. And then when I'm seeing this happen, I'm like, yeah, mom, why don't you just go to the store and buy it?

Toliy: 40:49

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, you double down on it even harder, I'm double downing on it, and I'm double downing on it with even more umph than the person who's doing it.

Eldar: 40:57

Yeah, just to show, yeah.

Toliy: 40:58

And sometimes they don't get it.

Toliy: 41:00

But now, because I do it so often, yeah, they understand exactly Lots of times they're like understanding what I'm doing and now it becomes like a joke, like a again. The person like how ugly that they're being in that moment towards another, like individual, but oftentimes like if you don't address it or if you don't highlight that kind of way, you just harbor hate towards that person and you guys like keep developing a bad relationship and you're not even like realizing that like this is what's going on. Yeah, because you have one person that's like acting this kind of way and then you have another person who's kind of just holding all that in yeah um, and doing that?

Toliy: 41:41

yeah, because I think that if you're on the other side of somebody that's having a bad attitude, like there's an energy exchange that's happening, right, yeah. So if I'm having a bad attitude and you're not, or, and you don't identify it like I, I identify that like this is happening, or you don't have like um, um, like a way of like dealing with it or like joking about it, what's going to happen is that you're going to take that energy that I'm giving out and you're going to store it, right.

Toliy: 42:11

So by doing that, every time I'm doing this, you keep storing this, you keep storing this and you keep feeling a particular type of way towards me and before you know it, you're gonna have hate towards me, you're gonna have anger towards me and you're gonna feel very particular types of ways towards me right yeah, I agree so like that's what's like which is justified right.

Toliy: 42:35

Yeah, I agree. So like that's what's like which is justified right, which is what's, like you know, to me like pretty much almost 100% bound to happen because there is that energy exchange that happens. You're going to keep storing all that energy that someone else is doing and they're actually doing something to you, versus, like, if you have a way of identifying it and like joking with it, with it and seeing it, then you don't actually store that hate or you don't actually store the energy that the other person's like putting out there when do you let?

Eldar: 43:07

when do you let um? When do you finally, kind of um, come to a conclusion that the person that that is in need of help with their bad attitude needs to learn through life lessons versus your intervention? When do you pack their lunchbox and say you know what? Go test your theory in the world, let life teach you, because life will teach you right. Life's undefeated right.

Toliy: 43:38

Yeah.

Eldar: 43:39

Life will teach you.

Toliy: 43:41

Yeah.

Eldar: 43:43

When do you do this? When do you finally come to that conclusion and say you know what? All right, this is it.

Toliy: 43:49

Yeah, see, like I know what you're saying, but I'm not even sure if you necessarily need to do it, because these types of people with bad attitudes they do it so often in so many different interactions that don't involve you like, in particular, that their lunches are already being by default packed by life and they're going to feel, I guess, like those things like regardless right, like, uh, those things like regardless, right, whether they get eventually this like like a discipline, that like a job, or whether they like lose friends or like have a hard time developing relationships, like all that stuff is going to unfold regardless. But when do you do it consciously Develop depression right, yes.

Toliy: 44:31

If you're there, I think that you could always be the person that has fun with it or the person that, like, makes a mockery of it, right, and I think that that's probably like an important role for you to have, because probably for every, every I don't know, maybe let's just say, like my like, if I had to take a guess of it probably for every hundred thousand or million people out there, there's probably one person that has the ability to identify bad attitudes. So I think that, like the, the person that could actually always like have fun with it and see it in that kind of way, yeah, um, like those people are probably very rare that have those abilities to kind of do it like in all kinds of um scenarios, like I I can do it in very limited ones, but there's definitely, like you know, more ones than not that like I'm like, oh shit, like, yeah, this just feels shitty, like yeah, what's happening is?

Toliy: 45:27

like bad here, right, and, and I don't have the ability to have fun with it, but but the people that like do, yeah, that's probably like one million people to one ratio. So by doing what you're doing, I think that you are being that kind of like a Vessel Virus. I would say, you know To the system For that bad attitude to be like yo, right, because it's also it's like, if you have a better relationship with that person, if I'm having a bad attitude like you, having that glaring bad attitude back to me, it just like it instantly wakes me up. It's like, oh shit, like this is bad. And then, like, in that moment, I can feel that like yo, like this is not typically how you would respond. What does?

Eldar: 46:08

it take to be able to give that back that quick you have to know exactly what's going on.

Toliy: 46:12

You have to be very to give that back that quick. Well, you have to know exactly what's going on.

Eldar: 46:15

Okay, you know. You have to be very aware, very attentive yeah so there's no fast cure. I mean good things take time there's actually a slow cure.

Toliy: 46:33

It's a slow one this is a very slow one it's a very slow one I think it's very, very just yeah, yeah, it's one I think that's like very common because the, the, the, the origins of it, of like when it starts and like lots of times, people associated with like very young kids, mm, hmm. Yeah.

Toliy: 46:55

Throwing tantrums, throwing fits, yeah, acting particular ways, yeah, and then usually probably like either stupid or tired parents like reacting and replying in very particular ways Mm, hmm, right, yeah, no-transcript. Like like, like, um. I remember I was talking to like my cousin and he has, uh, three kids and he was telling me about I don't know like they were going to some like parenting thing and they were like uh, talking about like how to deal with crying kids and their method was just to like to like come up, come up to them, like go um height, wise on their level of height and just don't say a word and just let them rage.

Toliy: 47:58

And you just look at them at their height where, like, like, however tall that they are, and do nothing, and then, like they, they almost get caught so off guard of like what's going on that they like eventually calm down and then like, because they can't explain it they can't explain, like, what's going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah right yeah, I'm not sure if that like works or whatnot, but I remember like can you try this on Mike next time he starts flaring up his palsies? I probably need, like a small stool.

Mike: 48:25

He's not that tall he's a little boy.

Toliy: 48:28

He needs a food stall. He's just a little boy.

Eldar: 48:31

He's just a little boy. Listen, I think you'd fucking chew this bone pretty well and he's good at chewing bones. You're good at chewing bones, mike, not real Mike. What you got man About? What About this bad attitude? Did he do a good job? Some suggesting things that we've suggested to people, right? Should we suggest anything else for people that are listening? Did we cover, cover, bad attitude?

Mike: 48:57

Yeah, I think we touched a lot of different things on it. Nothing else that comes to mind to add, really.

Eldar: 49:09

How about this? How do we expedite somebody's bad attitude, and by that I mean sometimes theite somebody's bad attitude, and by that I mean sometimes a person has a bad attitude, sometimes they don't, but it lives inside of them and sometimes it's dormant, but it's there and it sometimes comes out. Not always do we see people with a bad attitude. Obviously right, sometimes they're good, sometimes they're in a good mood, sometimes they're in a bad mood, but we know that that shit lives in there. How do we expedite this process and to bring this out so the learning process can begin, so they can finally liberate themselves from having this bad attitude?

Mike: 49:44

Is it the right thing to expedite it?

Katherine: 49:47

Is it like? Who are we to try to bring that out on?

Eldar: 49:51

someone Check this out. One thing is like me and you are friends, right, and we cross paths. Our paths cross on many different areas, right? So there's obviously a stranger who we don't cross paths.

Eldar: 50:06

And if they have a bad attitude, we kind of don't care, but when we do cross paths with people that we love, that we care for, you know, our moms, our dads, our loved ones, our friends, those attitudes will touch us sooner or later, right For sure. Yeah, right. So what I'm saying is that, what totally was saying is that, look, this bad attitude is actually like cancer and it's a plague and it's going to start touching everyone. It's affecting everyone, obviously, right. So if you, as a good friend or someone who actually knows some methods and strategy on how to maybe bring this out and expedite the process, why wouldn't you help the people around you to actually, you know what, bring this out? Because I actually feel like that's where I'm at. I read through the room and I see what's lurking a lot of times in people and I know exactly which button to press to bring out the bad attitude.

Mike: 51:02

Yeah, I mean, you know what I'm talking about.

Eldar: 51:04

I know what you're talking about. I know which buttons to press and which people, because I'm paying very close attention, a lot more than they actually paying attention to themselves and the way they're behaving.

Toliy: 51:14

Why do you think that you have the ability to see how somebody feels about something before they express themselves?

Eldar: 51:21

Yeah.

Toliy: 51:22

So when you have that kind of ability, you can set them up to show their bad attitude, because you already know how they're going to feel and respond. I don't know. I know for a fact when I'm hungry already and I was supposed to eat I don't know an hour ago or something like that, and something happened I am going to probably have a bad attitude. I know that someone could just start twisting different things and be like, hey, why don't we bring in the boxes first? I can remember a couple of times I'm like what the fuck Are you fucking starving on me to fucking carry boxes back and forth Like yeah let's bring them in after, like you know.

Toliy: 52:01

And then, like I already know you're joking there and you'd be like, yeah, but like if you do some boxes first, like you're gonna feel good about yourself and I'm like the fuck, like I'm of stuff and I'm like the fuck, like I'm fucking starving. Like what do you mean? Feel good about myself? Like the last thing I want to do is these fucking boxes. Yeah, right, but you already are like toying with me, yeah at that point.

Eldar: 52:19

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, that's a good example, for sure, for sure. The reason why I'm saying is is because, look right, totally has a problem. It's just disabled mom, grandma, whoever, it is. Right, he still deals with them. It's not like he just lives outside of them, right, he still has to go back into that process, into that home and experience this stuff Like this is not cured, right. So why not kind of always go with a loaded gun and say you know what, I'm ready? Who wants some of this?

Eldar: 52:52

I come into my mom's house like this with a loaded gun every time, because if I don't, my mom's gonna catch me off guard and it's gonna be bad she used to catch me off guard all the time yes, and I used to always prep her. I used to prep Kat. Oh yeah, I remember, this is my mom. You know what I mean. Because then Catherine starts feeling a certain type of I'm like babe taking things personal starts taking things personal and stuff like that.

Katherine: 53:16

I just didn't have the like. I just didn't have the power to deal with like correct the bomb that she is. That's right, it's a lot yeah, yeah, yeah.

Eldar: 53:25

Isn't that that the only smart way, wow, to carry yourself fast?

Mike: 53:32

no, I think what you're saying is correct, um, but I think this is also a thing where you can't teach a person right when they're not in a position to be taught. See, I'm not, I'm not asking about teaching right now.

Eldar: 53:49

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Mike: 53:50

Listen to what I'm asking I'm asking a very specific question how do you help them get faster to the place that they are ready to be taught?

Eldar: 53:57

No, how do you bring out the bad attitude? How do you expedite? Yeah, oh yeah. How do you actually click them Right? Bring this out, because this is what needs to be addressed.

Mike: 54:15

This is where the meat and potatoes are, and that should be pretty easy. You have to like to come back to what I said earlier. It's people valuing things that are not important versus things that are important. If you find out what's important to that person like my mom, I know for her cleanliness is very important I could just come in every time and just make a mess, for example, right Intentionally make a mess or place no value on the cleanliness. You know. If I know she has an attachment to something, you press that button to help the person explode more and more until either they burn out or like yo, why the fuck am I doing this? You have a real conversation, yeah, yeah, or we have a conversation. So, yeah, I think if you Because that's really what it is A bad attitude is, you're defending your own.

Eldar: 54:49

Stance.

Mike: 54:50

Stance or your ignorant, ignorant own belief system about what's important in this moment or in general. Right, you know, because a bad attitude is just like hey, this is important to me. Why are you like? Why are you making a mockery or why isn't things going my way? This is important to me, damn it. You know, yeah, and that's it. That's all that's happening. Yeah, you know at the core of it why they believe it's important. That's.

Mike: 55:13

That's another layer right but that's again from a flawed belief system, right? Well, I'm thinking, like thinking that you know where you eat, uh, every time that you're supposed to get 100, the best meal ever, or having that expectation, and then sometimes, when it doesn't go your way, the food comes cold, like we have this sometimes. Right, yeah, you know, we a fit. You get a bad attitude. What the fuck? This shit is cold. You start being nasty to the people that work there. A lot of times you even get artillery spray. The person who's fucking what's it called? Taking your money, who's not actually cooking. You're giving that person attitude. That's terrible.

Katherine: 55:48

That shows how stupid you go. Or what if, when you give them a bad tip, but the waiter had nothing to do with your bad meal? It's not their fault. It's still providing the service. Well, my food was cold, so now I'm going to get a tip or something like that.

Mike: 56:04

Yeah, that's where your own ignorance messes you up, this bad attitude you have. You start taking things out on people who shouldn't be. You know, yeah, paying attention and seeing what's important to people, because the thing is people, they are very fast to show you what's important to them. I also believe that oh, that's true.

Eldar: 56:26

People do make known what they value, Because as soon as they speak it comes out right away it comes out yeah, they're always talking their important things.

Eldar: 56:36

Yeah, Wow, then we have to talk about different subjects. It's talking selfish. That's interesting. Yeah, that's very interesting. Alright, so do we have anything else? Philip, you've been utterly quiet man. That's a bad attitude to have on a podcast. Yeah, that's a good one've been utterly quiet man. That's a bad attitude to have on a podcast. Yeah, that's a good one. What do you think man Did we suck this bone dry, or what Bad attitude. It totally said a lot of stuff. He rambled. He rambled like crazy. Yeah.

Eldar: 57:10

It hit home for him. That's why yeah.

Mike: 57:12

It seemed like it was like a personal thing for him. That's another good sign of bad attitude or attachment is when a person cannot, can't, stop talking about the thing that's important to them too. You know they constantly, always, well no, but that's.

Eldar: 57:24

I don't think that's a display of bad attitude.

Mike: 57:25

I think it's a display, maybe, of attachment attachment, but it could lead to having a bad attitude, I guess.

Eldar: 57:31

It could, but I don't think in the setting where you're trying to understand it.

Mike: 57:34

No, no, no, Not in this setting, Not in the setting to understand it, but you know, yeah, I think that we said a lot about it.

Eldar: 57:44

We made some suggestions, we gave people some guidance, we gave some examples. That's all I have for bad attitude. You guys have anything else?

Mike: 57:55

No.

Eldar: 57:56

I don't.

Katherine: 57:56

No, I feel like it was a good like dissection of the topic. Actually, it's an interesting one. I feel like I you know I suffer from it a lot when I'm not, like really in tune with myself or, you know, for a long time I was that negative person that always felt like things wouldn't go their way, but it was because of, you know, like the, the thinking errors and maybe, like my, my values were in the wrong place. Um, so it's a very interesting topic for me because I I try to like apply it to myself, like how I understand this topic and how I understand myself to be. So, um, I think it's interesting, you know, I think it it's.

Katherine: 58:39

It's also it's very complicated topic because there's a lot of underlying things that can cause it and in order to try to change that, I mean, if a person wants to do that, um, you know it's, it takes time and it takes a lot of effort and like a will to want to do that, um, so it's um, you know it's a great thing to raise awareness on and, you know, if you have the will to want to change it, it can change your life, it could change your perspective and how you see things and how you view yourself in the world, change your perspective and how you see things and how you view yourself in the world. But I do think that it you know it takes some steps to get there. So it's a very interesting topic.

Eldar: 59:21

I like it, you know? Yeah, thank you for that. That was great For sure. I'm glad you I mean I know you've been going through a lot of this stuff and you definitely changed your attitude because of the fact that you raised a lot of awareness and now you understand that this is something that you definitely suffer from, and you're taking the necessary steps for that. But, you know, without raising awareness, you would have never known.

Katherine: 59:41

No, never. Not only the raising awareness, but also I wouldn't have known how to navigate that on my own. I needed the proper guidance in order to, and the tools to be able to, like, work through it, you know, because all the work has to be done by myself. You know, I'm the one that's, you know, trying to, you know, check all the thoughts, or the negative, the negativity, coming in through my mind. So it's a lot of work, um, the best work that you can do, but obviously it's the toughest work and it's humbling, because I'm not a perfect person. I still have my struggles all the time. So it's also humbling to find myself still there, sometimes Like, oh shoot, I have to challenge this, you know. So it is great.

Eldar: 1:00:30

You know how? You just said it's the toughest work.

Katherine: 1:00:32

Yeah.

Eldar: 1:00:34

With any work that's the toughest for you when it comes to self-development. If it's the toughest work, is that a good indicator that it's actually the right work?

Katherine: 1:00:44

Yeah, definitely yeah. Because you can just roll over and not deal with it, and sure that's easy. But in the long run it's going to be the most painful route.

Eldar: 1:00:52

That's right.

Katherine: 1:00:53

So doing the work can be painful, can?

Eldar: 1:00:58

be tough, but it's so rewarding. But it's an indicator that you're actually on the right path and that's the best work that you can be doing for yourself. Oh for sure, you know, you can literally transform your life, you're battling your ego, right, you're battling probably the worst of the worst parts of yourself in order to then benefit from life. Right, think about that you. This is, this is, I think it's a form of almost suicide, right in the physical, in the physical realm, right now, today yeah right, but it's a mental kind of suicide.

Katherine: 1:01:28

It's a mental yeah.

Toliy: 1:01:29

So when you're trying to kill off, your ego in order to give birth to what a good attitude so I thought about one another thing with having, um, a good attitude, right like, I feel like you oftentimes have a a good attitude in general towards a lot of things that most people are not capable towards having a good attitude, yeah, but to those who are able to perceive it, understand it well, because I'm a lot of times misunderstood.

Toliy: 1:01:57

Well, sure, yeah, but what I'm saying is that there's been plenty of times where I have a bad attitude, like you have a good attitude, or I just observe you having a good attitude, right, and my point was that if you have a good attitude, right, um, and I, I, I, my, my, yeah, all right. So my point was that if you have a good attitude, it can also be in like infectious, in the way where, where it's like one person can't see something, the other person who has a good attitude can see it and they can kind of get you like on board.

Eldar: 1:02:30

Yeah.

Toliy: 1:02:31

Yeah, it's like if two people like they go into a situation and it's shitty, I think that you have the ability to show someone like yo, this kind of sucks, but we're going to have fun with it and like that. So it's like I almost feel that you can have different levels of fun and almost the most uncomfortable or shitty or unexpected scenarios where most people would be angry or frustrated or disappointed. So I think that good attitude can also be infectious as well, just like bad attitude.

Eldar: 1:03:08

But would you say, good attitude is 100x stronger than bad attitude. Inherently, I think, and I'm saying very specific, why 100x?

Toliy: 1:03:21

Yeah, I think it is, but From where you're standing. Yeah, I think bad attitudes affect more people than good attitudes do, probably overall, because I think that there is a lot more people with bad attitudes and a overall because I think that there is a lot more people with bad attitudes and a lot less people that can.

Toliy: 1:03:39

Yeah, but that's not an indication of a proper than than conclusion of saying that there's they're a lot stronger like bad attitudes, a lot stronger or more no, I would say that bad attitudes affect more people than good attitudes, though, because there's, I think, more people with bad attitudes and less people that can deal with bad attitudes or understand, can identify properly, fine, but nonetheless, it does not translate to the strength of the bad attitude, Because I actually think that bad attitudes are very weak yeah because when it comes to bad attitudes, you're just going to swirl into nothing.

Toliy: 1:04:13

But one good attitude in one situation can light up the room. It can light up the room, yeah it can be very profound.

Toliy: 1:04:19

Yeah, so that's why I also think that in a relationship whether it's a romantic one or a family member one or a friend one someone with a good attitude is probably People are more drawn or attracted to that person. Yeah, because they're like, because having a good attitude is probably a good indication that this person is going to be fun or can be fun, right, which is probably something that friends, family, loved ones right, everyone wants that.

Eldar: 1:04:51

Yeah, they want to be around that. Yeah, which part of that is drawing them to be around that? Yeah, which part of that, which part of that, uh, is drawing them to this? What do you mean? Like you see what you just said, yeah, right, the one person can have a good attitude, right, and everybody somehow right is in tune with this, and they want this, they're attracted to this yeah I'm asking you which part of that? Okay, which part of that is actually the gravitational force towards this magnet?

Toliy: 1:05:16

which part of the good attitude?

Eldar: 1:05:17

no, which part of the people of the with the bad attitudes are actually gravitating towards the person with a good attitude?

Toliy: 1:05:24

which part of people I think, um, I like I don't understand why you might go to the question.

Eldar: 1:05:29

I think so. Yeah, what do people innately have in them to gravitate towards a good attitude?

Toliy: 1:05:36

The desire for happiness, probably, I think it's different.

Mike: 1:05:40

I mean, my belief is what you're asking is the person who has a good attitude? They are empowered by their own choice. A person who has a bad attitude generally feels like they're at a place where they don't know how they arrived. Okay, and therefore they have no power. Okay, that's why, sure.

Eldar: 1:05:57

That's why what do these people?

Mike: 1:05:58

with bad attitude To have knowledge Empowerment.

Toliy: 1:06:02

Knowledge. Like the other person, figured something out.

Katherine: 1:06:05

Can you repeat the original question?

Eldar: 1:06:07

Yeah, the question is right. Let's just say there's five people in the room and one person has a good attitude and the other ones have four bad attitude. Okay, totally saying that those people will gravitate naturally towards the good attitude. Keep the person lights up the room and like yo, I want this, this is good. Which part of which part of them, internally, innately, is gravitating towards this?

Toliy: 1:06:31

the problem. Well, I mean, could it, could it be the, the part that wants to do the right thing, or like, like and like uh?

Eldar: 1:06:38

no I think the feeling of it. You've seen that the person's empowered I know, but how, where do you get this? How do you, how can you, how can you recognize this?

Eldar: 1:06:49

oh, I mean the happiness perhaps what's installed in us innately from God. Let's just say that we have this entunement with this thing to say like oh, I like it, I want this. I think that's what it is. Some part of us has this little thing about love that it's installed in us that when it hits, it causes no pain, like what marley said right when music hit with good music hits, it causes no pain. So yeah, like something is in us that is innate to this thing and it, it, it's irresistible, it's pre-programmed it's irresistible.

Eldar: 1:07:33

It's pre-programmed. Even if you have a bad attitude, right, you get influenced yeah it's interesting. I think that's what connects us to all, to being human.

Toliy: 1:07:54

That little part, yeah, just a little bit yeah, because I feel like the people with bad attitudes. They don't have to understand, like why or how this person is doing this yet they just feel good. That's right, this is what I'm saying. It's like a magnet, that's right, it's a magnet it's indescribable.

Eldar: 1:08:11

yeah, you can't really understand it, but it's just there and you're like yo, something about this person. Yeah, I felt this way with kids in school. You know what I mean. We have a perfect example of this guy, tom you know, who just came to school and just happy-go-lucky about everything, never seen him in a bad mood. I'm like what the fuck? What is this thing? You know what I mean. You know he lit up the room, mike, his smile his politeness.

Eldar: 1:08:38

You know what I'm saying. I think everybody felt it, everybody. I don't care who you are. I think everybody felt and said Tom is a nice guy what the fuck?

Toliy: 1:08:48

to confirm this is not the Tom that we all collectively know?

Eldar: 1:08:51

yes, just to keep him humble, yeah, yeah the Tom that we all collectively know.

Mike: 1:08:56

Yes, just to keep him humble.

Eldar: 1:08:58

Yeah, yeah, you know what I'm saying. We didn't understand it. I didn't understand it. Now I understand it, I think. I think he was raised right and I want to know who his parents are and what kind of love they had. You know what I mean.

Mike: 1:09:09

He was also in a serious relationship too, for a very long time, for a very long time.

Eldar: 1:09:12

For a very long time. Yeah, that transferred.

Mike: 1:09:14

That transferred over you know what I mean?

Eldar: 1:09:16

He's that beacon of fucking light that we're talking about, that totally just set. You know, mm-hmm. You know. So something is in us, it's all in us. It's just underdeveloped, the empowerment, that thing. That's why we go through therapy, we go through ups and downs, that's why we suffer and all this other shit. We, you know, face plant all the time, many times, just to get to this point, that little thing that we do have in us, so then we can grow it.

Toliy: 1:09:49

Yeah, and we grow it almost, and if we grow it, but large enough, it has to spill over. Because that's what I'm about to say. Is that, like the, the interesting thing about self-development, right, is that, like, the more you develop yourself, right, it seems like the larger this magnet grows and the more people, I guess, want to be around you, or one?

Toliy: 1:10:13

like um, yeah, be part of it yeah, yeah, be part of it, even though it's development of self. Yeah, so you, even though what's going on is that, like, I guess you're almost like, selfishly, um, developing your own self and, by result of being ultimately so selfish, you, like, like, are doing the most selfless thing at the same time yeah, that's a very interesting way to phrase it.

Toliy: 1:10:42

Yeah, that's a very interesting way to phrase it yeah, because I feel like a lot of people, maybe they view self-development as like well, sure, like maybe you're improving.

Toliy: 1:10:51

But like yeah, I don't always understand that also, that like that spills over to, to, to people like around you. Cause like yeah, naturally you're, you're filling your cup and maybe like, once you learn something, now your cup goes from like a cup to like a pitcher, yeah Right, and then like maybe you're half full or something like that, but then eventually you also get full, yeah, you know, and now you can spill over a lot to others.

Eldar: 1:11:14

That's right, you know. A good example of this was from previous podcast with Phillip said with the dogs you can't go to a certain point of low. Why? Because they are on that tune and you feel it and you want to be around that energy, you want to be present to that. Every time you walk in into the house they're on the same flow. They wagging their tails, they're happy to see you. What's that going to do? It's impossible to go under. They running here like crazy maniacs want to say hi to everyone. You know what I'm saying. They want to bring that type of energy, you know.

Toliy: 1:11:50

Yeah, like the way that the dogs like if you just leave for an hour for lunch, think about their level of excitement just to see you in that moment. Like you never get that from a person.

Eldar: 1:12:02

Yeah, exactly doesn't exist. No, they can't keep that up yeah, yeah, it's almost like.

Toliy: 1:12:06

They're so like in, like the moment and their memory is probably um like able to focus on like that. Yeah right, they're like um. They also say that like you can wrong an animal yeah, and one in like one minute and, like you know, in the next minute like they forgive you and they love you, and just continue yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, yeah, you definitely can't replicate how happy they are to see you, I guess, or the energy that they put out.

Toliy: 1:12:33

Yeah, but you're just leaving an hour for lunch or two hours for lunch and they still like on that they act like they haven't seen you in like a month every time, even if it's you leaving for 30 minutes or an hour which is crazy.

Eldar: 1:12:48

That's profound. Yeah, yeah, consistency, not that word. Alright, guys, final thoughts on bad attitude did we solve it? Did we have to talk more about it? Did we give enough advice for the people that are listening? Totally?

Toliy: 1:13:08

yeah, I mean I don't know if there was like something to like solve or not solve. I think it's more of something to Be aware of.

Toliy: 1:13:18

Yeah, to be aware of or to understand, but for me at least, there's so many times where I'm faced with something that I'm not familiar with or I don't know. I will get a lot more from all those situations, whether it's like me physically receiving something more, or maybe like having a good experience with like another, uh, individual, like a group of people. Right, if, if I'm able to maintain a good attitude and like be more open-minded and like to do all that, then like, um, if I'm not, and I'm more closed-minded and like um, stuff like that. So I think that, like you don't need to know anything, but I think if you just can be open-minded and have a good attitude, you can get a lot more than you think, a lot faster than like what, what you imagine.

Eldar: 1:14:14

But you know, like again, like I like the way you say that and I agree with you. But the truth of the matter is it's like you just have a good attitude, you'll have everything like it's.

Toliy: 1:14:23

I don't think it's that simple and I'm gonna tie that to my final thought well, well, I mean, it's not that simple, but it almost is that simple, right, because it's almost like you start with a good attitude, yeah, and you give your opportunity to learn and to to educate yourself and to understand, and it is just as simple as having good attitude.

Toliy: 1:14:42

But again, I think, as we discover in the philosophy over and over again, um, all the things that we view, I, I, I feel like again, like the, um, the, the.

Toliy: 1:14:56

The interesting thing I think about, like, like a philosophy, is that, like, I feel like it always shows you that the things you think are like complicated, hard and like are not solvable, are, like, the easiest things ever and the simplest things that you've disregarded or haven't paid attention to or haven't focused on. Those are the hardest things. The paradox and I feel like this happens over and over again where, like, everyone has these complicated ideas or problems or things that or that, or things that they think they need to do or that are happening, and when they're faced with having a philosophical conversation around them, like, um, they leave with the fact that, like, this giant problem that you had in your head is like it's no big deal like it's really not that serious and this thing that you've been disregarding or not paying attention to so long is the much harder thing to do or to focus on or to get right.

Toliy: 1:15:51

So I think it's like the same thing here well, that's optimistic.

Eldar: 1:15:57

My final thoughts on bad attitude or good attitude is that bad attitude is earned and good attitude is earned. It's not a mere chance that you one day wake up and you have a good attitude, sustained good attitude and a sustained bad attitude. I think those two things are very specific outcomes based on very specific ways that you live your life, that the things that you think, the things that you believe and the things that you then act out into the, into the world. I think good or bad attitudes is just the tip of the iceberg of what's actually going on. That's it, Mike.

Mike: 1:16:43

You're going to have to come back to me, all right, baby.

Katherine: 1:16:47

I feel like I already said, you know.

Eldar: 1:16:49

I gave my thoughts, all right, and we're going to go to the person that's not on the right side. We're going gonna come back right to Mike, yeah.

Mike: 1:16:57

I don't have anything to add.

Eldar: 1:16:58

I think what you said alright, that's it for me alright, this was great guys.

Katherine: 1:17:02

Thank you again it was a great topic great good job, absolutely Outro Music.