122. Finding Genuine Love, are you deserving of it?

Have you ever wondered why some relationships seem to work effortlessly while others crumble under the weight of unmet expectations? Join us as we tackle this conundrum with our insightful guest, Joe, who opens up about his journey through failed relationships and his eventual reawakening when he met Alana. Through Joe's story, we explore the powerful lesson of letting go of rigid expectations and staying open to new possibilities, even when the future seems uncertain.

Setting and maintaining boundaries is crucial in any relationship, but how do you go about it without compromising your self-worth? We'll share poignant and relatable stories from women who have redefined their personal beliefs and boundaries through therapy and self-reflection. From confronting societal pressures to recognizing the importance of self-respect, these narratives underscore the necessity of prioritizing one's values over conforming to external expectations. Expect real-life examples, including navigating tricky situations where intentions are misrepresented under the guise of mentorship or friendship.

This episode isn't just about the present; we'll also reflect on the past and its impact on our current realities. We'll touch on cultural differences, early childhood relationships, and the importance of humility and critical thinking in personal growth. Drawing from self-help books and personal anecdotes, we emphasize the need for authenticity and accountability in forging deeper connections. By the end of our conversation, you'll gain valuable insights into overcoming societal pressures, learning from past mistakes, and aligning your actions with your true self to foster genuine love and respect. Tune in for a heartwarming and enriching discussion that promises to shift your perspective on love and relationships.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Navigating Relationships
• 12:06 Navigating Relationships and Setting Boundaries
• 17:08 Boundary Setting in Relationships
• 21:31 Navigating Relationship Boundaries and Communication
• 28:30 Navigating Boundaries and Self-Discovery
• 33:51 Navigating Love and Self-Discovery
• 37:52 Navigating Love and Relationships
• 41:55 Challenging Societal Expectations and Self-Reflection
• 46:40 Transforming Relationships Through Self-Help Books
• 54:02 Importance of Authenticity and Accountability
• 57:54 Navigating Love and Relationships
• 1:08:55 Finding Humility and Seeking Knowledge
• 1:18:43 Pursuing Truth and Personal Growth
• 1:23:21 The Search for Humility in Communication
• 1:34:13 Gaining New Perspectives Through Humility

Transcript

Eldar: 0:00

on this week's episode.

Lisa: 0:01

And that's the issue with love. From childhood we were taught this is what it looks like. You meet your guy in college, you get married high school sweetheart, everybody gets married and then you have kids and then you just move on into the world.

Eldar: 0:13

A lot of people you'll hear us say on these shows and stuff I deserve love. And all the girlfriends like, yes, you do, you're a bad bitch, bitch. You know what I mean? No, you don't. You don't deserve fucking love, you're probably a piece of shit on the inside, this shit is fucking perfect. Now you motherfuckers might not fit in properly. That's why you suffer. Figure out my system and you'll be happy. Hence love and everything else.

Toliy: 0:32

Yeah, it's love, it's philosophy, it's truth. To hope is to this.

Eldar: 0:36

God. Alright, guys, today's topic is probably our favorite topic Relationships, falling in love, finding love and, I guess, ultimately, you know, sustaining love and relationship and a healthy, good relationship. So we have our guests Lisa and Joe today, and Joe reached out to me and said that this is we definitely got to talk about it. I'm like hell, yeah, tell me, tell me when we'll talk about it. So, joe, what would you say you want to start with addressing? What's the problem? That's out there, that the young generation is experiencing.

Joe: 1:14

The topic I wanted to discuss was why we have such a hard time finding a good person to have a relationship with and the struggles that we go through. So I've been through my fair share of failed relationships and got to the point where I think at 34, I said I think I'm done looking for a good girl to start a relationship. I think I'm just going to be a fun uncle. Get out of here, yeah. You said this to yourself.

Joe: 1:48

I said this to myself at 34. I've never heard about this. It was an internal thing I was trying to process. I just said, you know, the relationship stuff is like it's too much to handle and invest that much time and then it ends. And then I just kind of wanted to focus, turn around, maybe focus on myself. I said so, if nothing happens in between now and in a few years from now, like by the time I'm, you know, you know, at a certain age, I think the pool gets smaller.

Joe: 2:18

And then I didn't really want to just force a relationship, just to maybe get married and maybe have a family. I was just at a stage where I was like, let me just focus on myself, but I'm okay with if I don't get married, I'm okay with if I don't have a family, which I did want both Wow. And I've had family members who went down this path, who got married, got divorced, never had kids. Now they're dating in their 40s or 50s. It's like it's not ideal. I've seen it and I just kind of saw I normalized it because I saw it and I said I guess I'm out of the four kids my three siblings all got married, all have kids. I might be that that black sheep that this is just my future, not for you.

Eldar: 3:02

but then, as soon as I said that I met Alana Sick so I had to just say you know well, that's interesting, that's an interesting transition that you actually had to almost let go of the attachment of relationships to then get a relationship, which is pretty crazy. Yeah, I never heard of this story.

Joe: 3:21

I never heard that you you actually had like maybe you were discouraged right from the whole dating and relationship stuff. Yeah, I think my relationship ended like the summer of the year prior, so I wasn't. I was like about eight months into my single journey and then when I met Alana, I said to myself like I don't want a relationship, I don't want to dive back into something like this, and then it was too much to let go. I knew right away that I met a really good person, yeah, and I said all right we'll save we'll go again.

Joe: 3:55

You know, let's get vulnerable, let's uh, let's try and see what happens. I was like I didn't want to pass up on the opportunity, so that was something that I yeah, like you said, I gave up on the idea of it, and then that came into my reach and I went for it. Well, that's interesting.

Eldar: 4:14

That alone, right. There is very interesting, though, right, holding the attachment to something that you really, really, really, really want and all of a sudden you're like, okay, cool, but in your case you almost kind of gave up on it. And then, boom, life shows you like, hey, don't give up on this, this is real and this is you ought to be in something good. You know what I mean? Because you're a good guy. I mean, my testimony of you is that you're a good guy.

Joe: 4:48

You'll be a good relationship guy and now a husband and a father. So, okay, nice, yeah, maybe something bigger out there. Okay, uh reached back out and, you know, gave me a wake-up call and said, yeah, you do, you do deserve it, you should get it okay in a sense. And uh, I know you always endorsed it and I know that you wanted it for everyone. I know that was always a thing. You said, um, I I just thought it was unattainable.

Joe: 5:05

At some point I just said, like it's not working out. And no matter how nice I tried to be, how pleasing people pleasing I tried to be, you know how much I really tried to make it work it just never worked out. And then, um, I said I know the only note, the only thing I know how to do is treat my friends and family right and and treat myself right. So I said I know the only thing I know how to do is treat my friends and family right and treat myself right. So I said, like, moving forward, my main objective is to be true to myself and don't veer from my gut reaction. If you feel like you're bending over too far, don't do it. If you're trying to impress and it's not really. You don't be that person.

Joe: 5:46

And I just said I will stay strong in this lane where if it doesn't work out then it's not meant to be. If it works out and I never veered off this lane I'll be myself, I'll be happy and nothing's forcing me to change my values and my core morals. So I said, if that stays aligned, the person that's going to come to me is going to be the right person, because they're going to see the real person and this is what I'm offering. And I could always meet in the middle, I could always change, we could always grow together, but this is not going be different okay, you know what I mean.

Eldar: 6:26

I mean joe. So what's your? What's the problem here? What's your question? I think you just answered everything. Well, you did a really good job.

Joe: 6:33

I happened to meet a a like-minded individual that was also in my same shoes.

Eldar: 6:40

I think you're having a problem here. What's up? I don't think you met a like-minded individual.

Mike: 6:46

I think you took a stance on what I think you actually broke up with your previous self by taking that stance.

Eldar: 6:52

Correct. Everything you just said had all the answers that I think we're looking for in this podcast episode. You said, hey, I'm not compromising anymore. I'm done with people pleasing, I'm done with being a nice guy. I'm not compromising anymore. I'm done with people pleasing. I'm done with being a nice guy. I'm going to be me. I think that was the breakup of the old identity. And then the manifestation of Alana happened, naturally, organically, especially when you actually raised your hand and said I don't want this. Look at that.

Joe: 7:21

You know it's funny. You said that because I took it very slow with Alana and Alana was very confused about my approach and all of our friends made comments about like what's up with this guy and how come you guys aren't like boyfriend, girlfriend labels this that I think I did notice. A lot of the stands I took were kind of shaking up the system around me, yeah, and people were asking questions.

Eldar: 7:44

Or this system that they fucking told us to go by? Exactly yeah.

Joe: 7:47

So I did notice like the, you know, like the ripples in the current kind of like. I was kind of just moving through it and I can feel that everyone was like curious about who I was and what this was, what was going on. But I said I'm going to let everything come organically, natural. I want to make sure that everything feels right. I want to go as slow as I need to. Don't rush anything, don't rush, and I wanted it. I wanted everything to just click the way it should, cause I never took that approach. You see, yeah, and I never did that.

Eldar: 8:22

So it's funny that you you brought that up, because I didn't think of that yeah, because you're almost like hey, I met the right person, I think you met the right you. I think you're right, you know what I mean. You finally said, hey, enough is enough, like I had enough of this suffering and I haven't enough of myself. And I think, as soon as you unlock that new self, you went into the world and the world, actually, you, you know, almost like presented the opportunity itself. I think that's what's the biggest thing here. And finding love, I think it's number one. It's, I think, finding yourself, you know, I think that's the biggest thing.

Eldar: 8:55

And, like you said, I'm always I mean, I think we're all big proponents of true love here. Right, and Lisa, we hold love to a very high standard and very high regard. Like actual love, right, we're talking about you've seen the notebook love. Okay, cool, like this is. This is what we believe in too, like we, that's the type of love that we're talking about. That's the type of love that we believe that humans actually are made to experience.

Lisa: 9:25

Okay, but the relationships in the notebook were kind of off though, because it was it was. Are we talking the notebook with Ryan Gosling?

Eldar: 9:34

Of course, yeah, there's no other notebook.

Lisa: 9:36

Okay, yeah, I just want to be sure, because if you're looking from that perspective, where she leaves her fiance to go be with the guy that she loves and not being honest to him, she wasn't being honest with herself.

Lisa: 9:49

That's right beginning, that's right, and so the type of love in the end of the notebook is probably more the type of love that you should go after, rather than the whole in the mid, the between, in between of it, because it was kind of like oh, I'm gonna go here, marry a rich guy and I'll be happy I think.

Eldar: 10:05

I think they've tried to try to portray a very realistic thing about actual life and what we actually go after. I think he wanted to show that, yeah, sometimes maybe the glamour, the safety, so-called right, is the right answer, right, but at the end of the day, the soul, what it really actually needs, is true love, right, and that's why she found her way back home. You know what I mean, literally and physically and metaphorically or whatever. Okay, right. So I think that I think in the movie it's hard to depict all the all of the life events and the whole timeline. That's why they had to cram that in there, right? Right.

Eldar: 10:37

Right. But nonetheless I think they did did a good job to describe as to like what to strive for, how to be true to yourself, Right, that was the challenge. Like he came to her and said what do you want? He yelled at her Right, Remember that truck scene before the parents were leaving to go back? What do you want? I don't care what anybody else says, what do you want? Right? And I think that was a monumental thing where he stuck behind his guns, Like Joe stuck, let's just say, in the beginning, the beginnings of the relationship with Alana, where everybody was saying like hey, he's not even calling your girlfriend, right. He's like no, like I'm going to do it the right way, the slow way, the right way, right, I'm not going to allow anybody else to dictate what they need to be dictating because, like you know, they have timelines that they go off of, checkboxes that they have to check and that's the issue with with love is that from childhood, we're taught, we're taught.

Lisa: 11:24

Hey, this is what it looks like by the age of 20, you graduate college, you're going right into your, you meet your guy in college, you get married high school sweetheart, everybody gets married and then you have kids and then you just move on into the world. And I think, from my perspective, I didn't go to college, so I didn't have that opportunity to meet my love of my life. So where am I going to meet him? And a lot of people don't take the traditional route. So where do you find this like true love, you know, and society, and I had to deal with this where it's like hey, you're, I'm 38. I don't have a husband, I don't have a child and I'm supposed to have all those things already.

Eldar: 12:02

Checked already. Exactly those boxes should have been checked. Oh you failed Exactly.

Lisa: 12:06

So, I had to deal with confronting that belief that I was raised on. Or I've seen with some not all my friends, but with people just what they've been telling me and I was like, oh wait, that's not working for me, that's not going to happen for me. So how do I live in this world where I'm single, I'm 38, what do you do with yourself now? So again, it was like unbecoming all the things that we were told yeah and then being comfortable being single at this age and then eventually, if you, if I want, I can go start dating, I can go see you know so a lot of.

Lisa: 12:39

And it's also now with our did you unbecome? It? I did. Did you overcome it? I did.

Eldar: 12:43

Did you overcome it?

Lisa: 12:43

Yeah, I had to confront that because that was my dream. Like Joey is growing up, I come my mom, I have a single parent home, but my dad was there. He wasn't like not there, but he was around, forceful, and I was committed to myself. I'm like I'm not going to have a child out of marriage. Um, and making that promise to myself because I see what it did to me and my sisters, and I was like, no, this is no way to raise a family and I want to break that chain within my family. And so I've never just been oh, let's, let's have a baby together and that's one thing with our culture is like let's just have a baby. I was like that doesn't solve anything. Yeah, um, so with that, my dream is always to have to be married, like have a marriage, have a kid, and that will be a stable foundation to raise, um, a child in.

Lisa: 13:37

And so, as I dated, or if I've been in relationship and it hasn't happened, I'm like, oh, what's wrong? Like what's wrong. But then, like you said earlier, I had to go inside me because I blamed everyone else, I blamed the guys I was dating, I blamed society, I blame everything, but I didn't look inside to myself and be like hey, what's going on with you? Why are you attracted to this type of person? And I think when I met Joey um, he told me about the book, the Attachment, and I read that book and I was like, oh, and then I started going to therapy.

Lisa: 14:08

So there's a lot of process. It's not just like one moment, there's a whole process of like unbecoming and like going into your deep places and it just hurts. You know, like all the things you realize. You're like, oh, I was in this relationship, even though people are telling me, oh, this guy's bad for you. I was like, no, I wanted to prove. I wanted to prove everyone wrong, cause when it's great, we're great, when we're sad, it's sad. But I wanted everyone else to see the good side of him. And it was just like all right, girl, you just have to stop, you know. And so, just looking back and seeing, hey, all the points in all the relationships that I've had I've always had long, really long relationships I was like, oh, this is where you were. You weren't standing on who you are.

Lisa: 14:52

This is where you compromised who you were. This is so seeing all of that now and then. So now, the minute somebody slips, he slips. I'm not giving you a second chance, not because, oh, you're so cold or you're too standoffish, or whatever the case is, you're getting old. How are you going to get somebody? It's just like no, the minute you do something wrong, I'm not giving you a second chance to do it again, just because when you do that, you open up the door for them to do more things. They like start pushing it more and you're just like no, you've crossed a boundary, that's it.

Joe: 15:26

And I've told you this boundary and you choose to not respect that so that's it, okay, yeah I guess a lot of questions come about I respect that position because, although I I do believe in second chances, but if she's told the person she's dating this is a a boundary, don't cross it, and then they do. It's not to challenge her to change in a way that it will improve or implement something in her that she needs. She's telling you this is the line, and then they disrespect her by doing it. I don't see anything wrong with cutting off people that don't respect that.

Eldar: 16:04

I got a problem with setting the boundary in the first place.

Toliy: 16:06

Okay, what's an example of like that kind of like a scenario?

Lisa: 16:14

I'll give you. I'll give you an example. So I so, right before COVID happened so right 2020, I met a guy at work and at a networking event Nice guy, whatever and we I thought he wanted to be my mentor because we're like in sales, and I was like, oh, he's above me, maybe he wants, but then he didn't.

Eldar: 16:37

That's the. That's the line that he said I'll mentor you in sales.

Lisa: 16:40

Yeah, but it's the thing he was calling me. And talk about work and because we're in the same company I was like oh, maybe he wants to be my mentor. The old trick in the book I mean you guys, I'll help you out, you guys just slide in there anyway, you know.

Eldar: 16:52

And the girl's always like, yeah, airheaded, you know.

Lisa: 16:55

Yeah, tell me what I need to do to improve on my phone calls.

Lisa: 16:58

How many calls do I have to make? And so eventually he's like yeah, I like you, I want to take you out on a date and all these things. And so he bought like he bought a house, what everyone was doing in 2020 and he kept going we haven't really been dating or anything and he's like can you come over? And I was like yeah, sure, I'll visit you, but these are my rules. We're not having sex because we don't really know each other that well. We're not like I don't play house or any of that stuff. So this whole wee wee stuff you should stop, because it's not we don't know each other that well for me to be decorating your house and stuff like that.

Lisa: 17:34

And he's like, yeah, everything's cool, for sure, for sure, for sure. And so it was a three bedroom house and I said where would I sleep? And he goes oh, he has beds in both rooms. I'll stay in one of the rooms. Fine, I get there, the room that I'm supposed to stay in has boxes everywhere, Boxes on the bed, like he just moved in. And then, of course, his bedroom Well done, no boxes, nothing. And I'm like, sir, and then he doesn't have furniture because it's a new house. So, and then doesn't have furniture because it's a new house. Um, so I'm like, okay, fine. And so I'm like where are you sleeping? So the whole thing happened.

Lisa: 18:11

And then that night he's just like we were making out. And then I was like all right, we need to stop because this is getting too. And I, we, it's like, oh well, can I get a blow job? I'm like, excuse me, like, first, all you don't ask for stuff like this. And I said from point blank, like we're not doing this and you agreed to this. And he's like oh well, you know love. And I was like no. So the morning I got up I was like and this is where I didn't stand for what I believe in, because I said no and you still push this boundary and I was like you know what, let me give him a second. So that night he slept like a baby, like no, not a baby. He slept like a log, didn't move, didn't like. I thought he was dead.

Eldar: 18:54

Didn't violate.

Lisa: 18:55

Nothing Right. So the next I stayed. And then that next night so I said to him we spent the whole weekend together. He was still a bit forceful but I was like all right, whatever, I played it off with him. So I said to him, hey, um, what, what? What are you expecting like moving forward? It was like I asked him to get married. What do you mean? What are we expecting? We just have this great weekend. I was like, yeah, but we spend this whole time together. You are being wee, wee, wee. You're trying like asking me to cook, like all of these, which I didn't do. What all these things you're asking for is projecting into a relationship, into a real relationship. And I looked at him and I was like this is why you're single. You like playing house with women. I don't like to play house If you're not my husband. I'm not going to be like cooking for you If you're not my boyfriend. I'm not going to be like decorating your house If we're not together. Like why we're doing all these things as husband and wife, that?

Eldar: 19:51

So that's one example where you set the boundary right there. You said, hey, we're not doing that. And then you still were in a relationship with him.

Lisa: 20:05

No, after that weekend I cut it off because I was like hey, you don't respect me and if you just want to have sex, you can do that with somebody else. And then he was going on about not cooking and I'm like it's your house, I'm not coming to your house to cook, Like it's a good weekend, Like just oh, what are our kids going to eat? I'm like sir, what are you talking about? Totally.

Toliy: 20:25

It's weird. It was good, good stuff, good stuff.

Eldar: 20:27

Enough details, yeah.

Lisa: 20:29

That was a lot of details. No, it was good.

Eldar: 20:30

It was good. It was definitely a real example. We love real examples, like a lot of times, lived experience.

Lisa: 20:35

Yeah, we're the perspective.

Joe: 20:36

We never really hear into the lives of like a woman 100%. That's supposed to be like a chill getaway weekend and this guy's making all these demands and shit. Yeah, I would have ran out of it.

Lisa: 20:48

Yeah, my friend was like why do you need Uber? I was like you know what? I just didn't. I was stuck. It's in Jersey, I don't know where I am. I don't know anything about Ubers or anything.

Eldar: 20:59

So it was just like yeah, don't. I was trying to say when I said that the problem started with having to set a boundary in the first place is that I think that you probably rushed things right in the first place, where he had the audacity to already subject you to certain things that he thought was okay to do. Right, so like there was no respect at all, right? So that's definitely not in the book of how love should be.

Eldar: 21:24

Exactly you know what I'm saying. This is definitely not true love, right? I'm glad that you got out of that situation and you're good, right? So, like I said, and I think that if you actually are following pursuing true love, certain boundaries like those are not even set, because the other individual almost feels them and knows them way before you even get the chance to cross them, because the boundary that is being crossed is not your boundary, it's the self-boundary of self-control and self-respect. Right? If he had the audacity to position himself in such a way, that means he didn't have self-respect at all. You know what I mean. That's why he subjected himself to maybe a no from you, right? Uh, rather than where you guys both felt completely comfortable, where you were okay to give him moral sex without him asking, let's just say, because it was so, the fucking fireworks were so crazy, right? Where the boundary of like, hey, we're not doing this, didn't even need to hold you back.

Toliy: 22:28

What do you think?

Eldar: 22:31

About my boundary theory that certain boundaries don't even need to be set.

Toliy: 22:34

Yeah, yeah. I feel like I think, if you carry yourself in a particular way, doing that, I think, creates automatic boundaries without them having to be made. I think that, like, if anyone is like in a position where, like they have to bake like a boundary, I think it means that either, like the other person is not like understanding you, or maybe you're not kind of like I don't know how you're sending the wrong signals.

Lisa: 23:06

Yeah, sorry, but I want to. I wanted to ask because you said carry yourself in a certain way, yeah, what does that elaborate on that?

Toliy: 23:15

yeah, I feel like that, like um, um. When it comes to being like a treated in a particular way, right, um, I think people are like are. Are are treated like in accordance to, maybe, how they act, or maybe like what kind of vibes they give off, or like like um you're saying like intentions, like no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Eldar: 23:42

So you said you work with this guy. Yeah. Okay. So look right, when you're in an environment or whatever right you get to experience other people, you start seeing the mannerism, you start seeing their behavior, you start seeing how they carry themselves right and, based on how they carry themselves, they assert a certain type of like hey, I need you to respect this thing right here. Hey, I need you to respect this thing right here. Like you know, be respectful to me you know what I mean, but without saying that.

Eldar: 24:06

Without saying that, yeah, you kind of demand it. Based on how you carry yourself and individuals that really pay attention, they kind of know like, okay, cool, like don't fuck with him here, don't fuck with him there, but you can fuck with him here. You know what I mean. Sure, if you're really a person of character, of that type of character, there's certain boundaries that don't need to even be talked about, because you know like, oh, I can't say that around this person. I understand, because I'll be checked real quick. You know what I mean. Okay, and that's what she did. She checked him, right, she's like yo, and it comes out that he's a loser, right, he's no longer a man. Yeah, right, and he needs to be put down.

Eldar: 24:42

Yeah, right, because in the workplace it's totally different well, the problem with the workplace is, a lot of times we're actors, exactly, and that's a big problem right that is a big problem.

Mike: 24:53

For sure, we do put on the mask, but I I agree, but I think um, I was just talking about this today with with my, my dad is that, uh, the act. It's not really that good. If you actually really pay attention, you can actually see what the person is saying by what they're saying, but not really what they're saying, but how they're saying it and what they're saying, because a lot of times people say one thing but then you actually hear them slip up I guess, go out of character and they will be like actually say what they really think. That's right, not what you want to hear, but what they actually believe. That's right.

Eldar: 25:30

If you pay attention, like you said, and if you ask the right questions, I think you can get to the bottom of what that character actually is and I think, like in the example of the notebook, noah saw the actual character and who was she really about. She's putting on this front for everybody. She wants to be this professional, you know, and this matters, this matters. But he asked her the question of like, what do you actually like? I like to paint, you know what I mean. That's what she actually liked to do, actually liked right, and that's a big difference between who you ought to be in this life, in this society, versus who you actually are right, society versus who you actually are Right.

Eldar: 26:04

And Joe had to use anybody who had to stand on theirs and protect themselves. I think find that little glimpse of you know truth Right. Where then can be built into love, true love or true relationships, because you stand on yours and the other person respects that they understand like, oh shit, like I'm next to a person who actually believes in the same thing that I believe in And's true character. A lot of times when you're people pleasing, you're being a little bitch you know what I mean, right? Yeah, and I think that's what happened probably to you. You're like hey, you kind of said in the beginning right, you said word for word, you said, oh, he was a nice guy kind of whatever, like, whatever.

Lisa: 26:41

You know what I mean, like that's no, because the the the front he put on first was hey, I want a mentor, like it was, like oh, this is a mentor thing, right? Yeah, um. And then it converted into oh, let's go on on a date. Yeah, like I'm.

Lisa: 26:55

Oh, a serious date well, that's the thing is it's, it's how you, how men, transition into something if you had come up and said hey, janelle, lisa, lisa you did this first time but if I, if you had come to me straight up and this is what I don't appreciate with the opposite sex if it comes to me straight up and be like hey, I would love to take you out on a date. I know where you're going, I know what you're standing for, and I could be like you know what, yes, no. But if you're coming and you're sneaking in and you're doing all these things, and then it's you're like oh, but who?

Eldar: 27:27

who still did the confirmation? You did it right. You confirmed and said it's okay, come in coming through this door, right? First you were sly about this thing and then you came into this thing and I'm like still inviting you in yeah, no, you're right, you know what I mean you gave him the pass, right, so it's almost like you enabling the addict, right? It's like, hey, this guy's a crazy bastard, you know what I mean. And you're kind of like, oh, I'll entertain this, that's more.

Toliy: 27:49

What I was trying to say is, by enabling this person in this kind of way, it kind of gave him a green light to, I think, treat you a particular way or like, if you didn't enable that to begin with, there would be a particular like, a like non-verbal respect boundary set where you would say where, where he would know okay, lisa's not about that no, but so like lisa was not enough, right?

Eldar: 28:13

lisa did not do a good job, or did enough in order to really explain what lisa was about. I don't think you miscommunicated. No, no, no, no, did you? You?

Lisa: 28:21

guys said miscommunicated no, I straight up said this is not happening. So you guys said miscommunicated no, I straight up said this is not happening, so it's not a miscommunication.

Mike: 28:28

Can I ask and it's- just sorry go ahead. I want to ask how many times did you guys go out before he invited you for this rendezvous?

Speaker 6: 28:36

Getaway. No, we had dinner and stuff Like we went to dinner.

Lisa: 28:40

We had dinner and stuff. We went to dinner, saw a movie.

Joe: 28:43

So they were dates. Yeah, they were dates before that, okay.

Lisa: 28:46

Yeah, first of all, it was during COVID so that changes everything.

Joe: 28:55

It multiplies everything.

Lisa: 28:56

So it was mostly going through trying to find restaurants. So it was more like let's see, we went out on three dates.

Toliy: 29:03

And then, how long did you know him at the workplace prior to those days?

Lisa: 29:06

So I met him twice because he's not in my workspace all the time he comes in or at networking events.

Toliy: 29:14

And twice over. Like what period of time?

Lisa: 29:17

A year A year, so for the first. So you're a bad judge of character? No, I'm not.

Speaker 6: 29:23

You got a whole year and you miss Hold on, so we don't. So okay, all right, let's start up.

Lisa: 29:28

I love that.

Joe: 29:29

I give you guys an example, and you're measuring this example, but let's, I'll beat it.

Lisa: 29:34

I'll beat it with you guys. So we met at work, right, and you can see when somebody, when a guy sees you and go, oh you know this beautiful girl walking, blah, blah, blah, so you met at work. Then you don't see him because he doesn't work in the same space. Then go to a networking event, that he's there, the networking event, then you get like, oh, exchange numbers, let's go to the bar, but I don't go to bars. So we exchange numbers and then for the whole period he will call and we will talk about, or over the phone We'll talk about just like work stuff. How are you doing with your calls? How are you doing with this thing? Blah, blah, blah.

Eldar: 30:06

Suggest this book that's such a sham exactly you fell for it.

Lisa: 30:12

I didn't fall for anything. What do you mean?

Eldar: 30:14

he was butt naked almost you know what I mean like he was a second away from being naked. That's the thing you didn't say anything.

Lisa: 30:20

You didn't say hey, I want to bone you. You just said hey, this is what you should do. No, A lot of guys will do this sly shit to get in. I prefer honesty. I prefer you say what you're about without trying to be around.

Eldar: 30:35

Sure, but do you demand? It is the question.

Lisa: 30:39

How do you demand it? How do you demand it?

Eldar: 30:41

That's a very good question.

Joe: 30:41

Well, yeah that's a good question. Well, how about the boundary she placed on him? Because she went on?

Eldar: 30:49

dates with him. No, no, no. I'm going to tell you what happened. The reason why she placed the boundary in the first place is because she already knew he was crooked.

Lisa: 30:56

Yes, not really no, but she had hints like yo.

Eldar: 31:00

I got to do this just in case, because he's gonna try to take it you have to make rules for people that are not capable of following them. That's why rules exist to begin with that's right, if he was completely stand up guy, like a real guy, like a real dude he wasn't a real dude.

Toliy: 31:18

Let's just be honest. He wasn't a real dude.

Lisa: 31:21

He picked me up in his car and he was just no, no, no Go ahead. He picked me up in his car and he was just talking how dirty the car was and I said to him well, I really don't care about your car. I noticed that you didn't open the door for me to get into the car.

Joe: 31:37

I care about how dirty, I don't care.

Eldar: 31:40

You see you had all the red flags. What's up? I did. Lisa, you're not serious about this.

Lisa: 31:44

No, this is what we're. This is the whole.

Mike: 31:47

She didn't expect this story to take this turn? No, I'm never giving you guys another example. What do you mean? Of course you are. This is the boot camp. Yeah, this is it. This is what usually happens.

Toliy: 31:58

It just started circle, let's go back this is why joe did move to a new jersey. But yes, yes, because he wants to stay away from us.

Eldar: 32:05

Yes, talking about westchester, you know like what yeah, go to westchester yes, he gotta pay a toll to come see me and gas.

Lisa: 32:13

But to bring it back, it's where I was speaking about unbecoming these things, yeah, and seeing where I I saw within myself which I said like I saw where I was the one that's doing everything, like, yeah, he's, he's a bad guy, he's an and the guys I've dated are all bad guys. But why was I the one that was still enabling them? Why was I the one that's still not setting stronger boundaries? And that's where I had to unbecome all of those things, from being a people pleaser, from being, hey, you know what, you're a nice person, let's see if it will work, or you're this, we'll try to make it work. So I had to be like, hey, girl, what's up with this, what are you doing? What are you seeking for, what are you going after? And then that's the point where I'm at, where it's just like, hey, you know what, let's figure out.

Lisa: 33:07

Exactly because all the relationships I've been in have become what the person wants and it's. And that's why I thought that's how you keep somebody, or you keep a guy, because, as a woman, you're supposed to be submissive. You're supposed and I grew up in church, so it's like be submissive. Listen to the guy. Blah, blah, blah, it's all the. It's centering the man, it's never centering you and it's never your thing. And then so I had to rearrange everything within me to be like, hey, no, I actually have a voice. If I don't like wearing makeup outside of work, I don't need to wear makeup. If I don't want to wear heels, I don't need to wear heels. But not because you're requesting this or you see my image wherever.

Lisa: 33:42

You see my image saying all the stuff that I used to compromise on because I want, because I was told it was all, and not even just told. I've seen this in like relation, other relationships where the woman just lose herself to become what this person wants and you still wanted that no. So why did you? Why did you? Mimic it I mean because they had the person, they were together that's all that you wanted at that point, and they seem happy.

Lisa: 34:07

I don't know what goes on behind closed doors, but they seem happy and they seem to be working and they've been in a relationship for 10, 20 years, you know, but in the end so you are a bad judge of character. I'm better now.

Mike: 34:19

All right fine.

Eldar: 34:20

I'm here.

Lisa: 34:32

I'm here, fine, so I'm better at it now.

Eldar: 34:33

yeah, not a bad judge of character I would just say, I was just like what was modeled wasn't the right thing.

Lisa: 34:36

Sacrificing yourself, right right, sacrificing myself, my beliefs, to make somebody else happy?

Mike: 34:40

I think a lot of stuff, especially like movies, is very romanticized. It has no really, uh, because it's a it's a two-hour movie, it doesn't really actually show you what is behind the scenes of those like virtuous or, uh, you know, love filled moments. We just see the emotion but we actually, because it's romanticized, we don't really know what goes on behind the scenes, like the work that's required to to get to that place where that love is thriving, you know right and I think that's like just the what movies are made to do to capture our attention, to get us excited.

Mike: 35:16

You know, uh, feel a certain type of way and they do a very good job at it. But then this situation that you're describing and I think you, I think a lot of people probably feel this is it's like we're not looking at it in a proper way, because it looks so beautiful in Hollywood and so simple and so easy.

Eldar: 35:40

But Something inside of us tells us that it's wrong.

Mike: 35:44

Yeah.

Eldar: 35:44

That it's not the right thing.

Joe: 35:46

And there's nothing teaching us. We don't go to class, we don't have classes, sure and I agree with the movie thing for sure.

Eldar: 35:52

But we have the notebook right and I think if you really study the notebook you see that there's a lot of belief systems and values that are ingrained in it, even though it's jammed in there.

Mike: 36:02

You're correct, but when people are watching the notebook, if you ask people generally like oh, what'd you like about the notebook, they're not going to mention those things that you're mentioning.

Eldar: 36:11

They're going to say the white geese on the boat.

Mike: 36:13

They're going to mention the white geese on the boat.

Toliy: 36:16

And I don't know the running in the rain Boat ride.

Mike: 36:22

The boat ride, I guess, or for generally, that's what the highlight is the beautiful love story, yeah, where you're talking about. The highlight is those moments of how you came about.

Eldar: 36:34

Why he was successful. Yeah, why he was successful.

Mike: 36:36

And I think that's the problem. You know that's happening.

Eldar: 36:40

Well, based on what Joe was saying, what Lisa was saying, we're all coming back to the same thing, right? It's like the most important thing, probably as a prerequisite to fall in love or finding true love, is to be yourself, to find out what that is and be unapologetic about it and stand on it all the time, consistently right, without having to then waver your own belief system. Right when she saw that the guy didn't open the door but all he talked about was a dirty car. She's already saw his character, right? She still proceeded to get into the situation when she was making out with him.

Joe: 37:13

Yeah.

Lisa: 37:14

I got into the car.

Joe: 37:16

So why do we naturally always default to this until we get into our 30s? And we've been through these relationship issues and we come to a revelation at this stage where we can then set ourselves straight. But we've gone through so much bullshit and everyone is just going through this same cycle all the time, because you say we have the notebook as a guide, but as a movie guide movie guide yeah sure, but Only movie guide. We're not learning this in school we're not taking courses.

Joe: 37:47

You know people aren't talking this way amongst each other. This isn't like a normal way to have conversations, because most of the time everyone is aiming for what like the biggest, the baddest, the coolest, this, that, and I think that mindset is construed, I mean, maybe in different cultures. Oh well, that's a good topic, because then you have different styles of dating. You have arranged marriages, you have different ways where families meet first and dating isn't as so like just get on an app Religious things, yeah, and then so that changes.

Joe: 38:23

I mean, at least I know from the lifestyle I grew up in and the culture around that look where it guided me. So like maybe in the future for my son I can give him a few you know a few pointers to steer him early on the right way?

Eldar: 38:41

yeah, hopefully, yeah, well, that's why you're here we make sure you do a good job.

Lisa: 38:47

Accountability.

Eldar: 38:48

Yes.

Lisa: 38:49

Yeah.

Toliy: 38:50

Yeah, so yeah, but I think so. So I think, joe to to to answer your question. I think it's a lot of things.

Mike: 38:56

I think um ego is a big issue, Um perception of like reality to me is a huge issue the ability to critically think yeah, ability to critically think and attachment, those are probably to me but where does one person start without, like, I guess, not understanding those things? Where is the entry point to get onto this?

Eldar: 39:20

There is no well, first of all, if we're talking about Joe's child is one thing as an entry point, but if we're talking about Joe's child is one thing as an entry point, but if we're talking about Joe. It's a different thing, right?

Mike: 39:27

Yeah, well, I think that's what Joe asked. He said why in your 30s? No, why?

Eldar: 39:32

Because that's his level of development, that's where he's at, that's where Lisa's or me, or everybody has their own level of development. How many attachments do you have? How big is your ego? How arrogant are you? Right? All those things that hold, you know, the weeds of the garden of love, let's just say, right, until they're plucked, until they're put away, right, you're not going to experience which we, at least. We think that the greatest gift that God gave us, let's just say, is love. Right To experience true love, right? You think an individual who's ridden with these types of things that he's talking about the attachments, the Sure, but if you come up to that, individual and you ask them well, do you think you have attachments, do you think you have ego, Do you think you're arrogant, whatever.

Toliy: 40:30

Is gonna say oh yeah, actually nobody, I am a piece of shit.

Toliy: 40:31

Well, that's where they're at, you're right, yeah, yeah, I think that's where it's more. Where, where, um, the good thing is that you could be arrogant for like as long as you want, but it's up to you, um, whether, whether you get to a point, uh, where, where maybe you have a breaking point and then you decide to be more humble, or you decide to start asking questions, for example, but, um, I think there is like a survival of, of of the fittest just happening in the world, not in like a from like a physical sense or from like um, like where you can get to, to mentally, and I think it's completely fine for individuals with big egos or very like high levels of attachment on particular things or are very set on their ways or very arrogant, for them to be where they're at and to live out their life and never feeling love, ever in their life yeah, and it would not make sense for them to get those good things that you're talking about because, like I mean it just it doesn't make sense, right?

Toliy: 41:21

so, um, I think it takes very particular people and very particular types of scenario, um, scenarios where maybe you have someone in in your life that can humble you or that can, um, uh, help put you in a position where you could be more of someone that asks questions, right, versus, like you know things that they know for, for example, but no, I don't think everyone's in those kinds of scenarios, which makes it difficult to be part of, I think, being part of general society.

Toliy: 41:55

It makes it difficult to be in those kinds of scenarios because I think that a lot of people are influenced very easily in very particular ways and, like Lisa was saying in the beginning, like you're taught about, you know, you go to college, and then you, you know you get this job, maybe you have a house, maybe you have a family at this age, like this is too old, this is too young, like you're kind of thrown these bars out, and then, if you don't ask questions, maybe, or if you're not like fortunate to have someone in your life that can, like, guide you in that kind of way, then to me it's very hard to go off that path, to not live out those things that you kind of very easily get influenced by or get thrown at you from like a young age, and everybody around you is doing those things.

Eldar: 42:44

It's marketing right, society is marketing to us these steps, these guidelines, these timelines, right, that you have to follow. And if you're not strong enough, like you said, you don't have critical thinking or you're not lucky enough for somebody to say, hey, bro, like I don't think they got that right, you know what I mean. You're going to follow because it's literally peer pressure.

Lisa: 43:03

Right, going to follow because it's literally peer pressure right, and I think it also comes from a place of yearning, Because if you grew up thinking, hey, this is what I want, I want to have a family, I want to have a stable foundation, if you grew up thinking that and you've just been through the point where it's just not working, it's constantly not working, no matter how hard you try, no matter who you are, all the things, it's just not working to the point you just get tired, just like joey did, just like I did or I'm coming.

Eldar: 43:30

You get tired we have a theory on this yeah, and I'm gonna have to interrupt you on this right and the theory is this there's a lot of times in our life that will make certain types of conclusions, perceptions about the world. Right, and your perception about the world was that you saw your mom and dad in a very specific type of relationship and what you said is that you probably got angry internally and you said you know what? I'm not having this, fuck this. You got internally angry. So, from that perspective, you made certain conclusions in your head and you said you know what? You put yourself out for 10 years, 15 years, trying to live that out.

Eldar: 44:08

But that was incorrect because it came out of anger. You know what I'm saying. So you had to live that out, to see that through, up until the point you got tired. You're like wait a second, this does not work. Why is this not working? You know what I mean. Now you have to go back to when you were young, right, uproot everything, realize what's actually happened and redefine things for yourself Exactly, reconstruct right, let's just say and hopefully align yourself closer to the reality of things in order to live closer to the truth.

Lisa: 44:40

Exactly, spot on.

Eldar: 44:41

Yeah, so we have a whole thing about this. Yeah, that a lot of times will, without proper evidence, without proper causalities. Right, causation is not, correlation does not always mean causation. Right, we become angry or whatever emotional about certain things, we create perceptions and conclusions, we put a period there and we say this is how life is, and then you go on this journey of living that out just to find out that you were wrong, and that's what then humbles you, removes the anger, removes those things and allows you to start rebuilding. Right, and I think if we have a testimony of a lot of people who fell in love or found the person right, they're going to sound a lot like Joe's Joe's testimony. I'm sorry, I got to pee, go ahead.

Mike: 45:27

I think no, I agree with you for sure, and I think what one thing that you said and I think a lot of people who try to, I guess, get into relationships and to fall in love and whatever, a lot of times it's like I hear these words all the time, like oh, is like I hear these words all the time, like, oh, yeah, I tried, I tried this, I tried that, but it didn't work right. And I think we think we're trying to change ourselves, but we're actually not like the things that we're doing. It feels like we're trying and I mean probably maybe Joe can recall but like, what really changed between all of those negative relationships that you had? Um, that was like you showed that you were actually trying to actually change yourself and become, like, uh, better, or to actually figure this out. Was it just like you coming out of ego saying like, oh yeah, I'm trying to be better, or arrogance or whatever, or um, or were you not really?

Joe: 46:20

trying I could answer mean. I know that in relationships it's not always just the other person, there's faults in ourselves, and I always have room to improve. I know you could always improve and continue to improve. So I said, let me do this. When something goes wrong, how do you fix it?

Joe: 46:40

Self-help books is normally stuff I turn to when you know I have this internal conflict and I don't know how to don't know how to overcome it. There's things out there that have helped me in the past. So, uh, lisa mentioned the book we we both have read, called Attached, and it's about the attachment theory and it was something that made me, uh, made me realize that a lot of things have to do with how you were raised as a kid and your relationship with your parents, and then it kind of shapes the relationships moving forward with friends and professional relationships and then eventually romantic relationships. So what I learned from that book, it got to the stage where you know, totally brought it up about, like asking certain questions and confronting certain things about you, about learning about yourself and Elder brought up uprooting, starting from from the bottom and kind of reshaping and rewiring things that you didn't, you already had structured for so long, for so many years, come back down to the roots, start again and structure it the right way. So in a sense, I kind of had like this mathematical equation drawn out in a way where I could kind of process it, digest it, understand it and then start making these shifts. And I know that I applied these things. I told Lisa when I went on some dates with Alana.

Joe: 48:10

I immediately started like using parts of what I learned from the book in the dates I had early on, and then I started like things were just like unlocking and like opening and my, my feedback was like whoa, what did I fall into here? Like this is like some code that like is is kind of making things flow in the right direction and I'm going. I'm going more geared towards what I want and what I'm looking for and it was kind of just being more narrow rather than broad and you don't know what you're getting. So there was that stage where I needed to address is it me? What could I do to fix it? And then also, what could I do to move forward, to make my chances better moving forward.

Joe: 48:59

I did think that I could fail again, but I was willing to take that challenge and I think every time you fail, you get better and you learn from your mistakes. Hopefully you can learn from other people's mistakes. That's kind of how I like try to manage my life, where I pay attention to the world around me. But I knew that, like, changing your mind changes your ways and let the world kind of adapt to the new person that you could give out and let them have an opinion about Adjust accordingly. Yeah, he taught me that about. I think you know people, you have you, you, you you butt heads with, you know, have them think differently about you by by changing something about yourself that makes them think differently. Now, like you know, and uh, and I took that, you know, I took a lot of little bits and pieces and kind of, you know, move forward with it. So does that answer your question? No, what's your question?

Mike: 49:55

No, I was just asking. Like in those before you met Alana, before you, had that like moment where you gave up a lot of those relationships before that, you felt like you were trying new things, Like you had that like moment where you gave up a lot of those relationships before that, you felt like you were trying new things. Like you had a relationship, your first relationship. It didn't work out and you like you told yourself like oh, I'm going to try some, I'm going to. I don't want to get into that situation again, I'm going to try something new. But my challenge to you was that, or not to you is that?

Mike: 50:20

A lot of times we think we're trying something new but we're actually just behaving the same way. But we set our intention, like yeah, that's it from now on. Like yo, starting tomorrow, I'm going on a diet, I'm not going to eat bread or cheese or whatever, and then that only lasts so short term, because your habits are based on your belief systems. So if you stop eating bread for a day or two, but you don't have a good reason for it, you're going to go back to that, and that happens all the time. So we always fall in until that moment of a rock bottom whatever, or we always fall into our same behavior patterns that we've developed over many years. So we're not being honest when we're saying, oh yeah, I'm trying to do this in my previous relationship. I saying oh yeah, I'm trying to, like you know, do this in my previous relationship. I was doing this wrong. I'm going to try better on this one.

Eldar: 51:11

A lot of the times, though, I think that if you ask a lot of people, especially that people that had experience with relationships like Joe did, right, a lot of it will be the same Like Lisa of. It will be the same. Like lisa said yeah, uh, I wasn't myself, so it wasn't him going back to trying new shit. Yeah, right, he's like I'm surrendering. Fuck this shit. You know what I mean. If I can't be myself, I'm fucking done with it. Right, and life's like oh, you're not done with shit because you actually just became extra compatible yeah, yeah, with a lot of people.

Eldar: 51:40

Well, you know what I mean and that's why love all of a sudden just pops into your life like oh shit, like this is the person that's actually worthy of love and I'm going to live in this neighborhood.

Mike: 51:49

Because I think that that moment, I guess, if it sounds like, is that you hit the rock bottom and you, like you, broke up with that person.

Eldar: 51:56

He told that to himself, that narrative.

Mike: 51:57

You broke up with that identity of who you were as a guy and all the things you believed in and that you played out in your life, and you said, obviously you didn't have that conversation, but that's why you're taking that stance. You broke up with that part of yourself and you no longer wanted to live like that. Yeah, and you wanted to genuinely find out what's the right way to do it. You decided not to do it at all, but I don't think you can run from it. I think you actually, by making that stance, you became more of a magnet towards it.

Eldar: 52:26

Bro, sorry, I had the same story before. I met Catherine Before. I fell in love, you know what I mean.

Eldar: 52:31

I went to fuck around after I broke up with my girl. It was a crazy relationship. I went to fuck around, like you know what, I'm just sleeping with girls going forward. You know what I mean. Like fuck this shit. You know what I mean. Like she's deciding to do this with other guys on me too, you know, and just go fuck girls, you know. And then, boom, I went out trying to get some, you know some pussy, you know, and it felt so wrong inside of me and it turned out so bad that that little interaction that I had.

Eldar: 52:56

I know the story you know the story and I was like, yo, I can't do this. Like that's not me at all. What is wrong with me? You know what I mean? And I'm like I'm a relationship guy. Yo, I'm like I'm done. God, please forgive me for what I've just done. You know what I mean. Like this is not me. And I reverted back to like what I actually wanted, and that was true love. Two days later, I find katherine you know what I'm saying like I took a fucking stance to myself and I was like yo, enough's enough, yeah, don't fuck around, don't, don't violate yourself here, because this is not you, because what you're doing is wrong.

Eldar: 53:27

Yeah, I also think that, like I'm sorry, before you continue that thought, what I'm saying is that if you survey the people that are actually in good relationships, they will all have these stories.

Mike: 53:35

Well, I think Kat has the same thing.

Eldar: 53:37

Yes, I heard this from her too. Yeah from her sister.

Mike: 53:39

She said I'm never going to be single forever, I'm never going to meet a guy. She's like she already kind of like came to terms with it.

Eldar: 53:44

I think there's a thing that people go through right. When they finally take that like internal, like actually believe in stance, they fucking leap towards a different thing, which actually is. They become more compatible. I think that, and humility has a big play in that. We'll talk about that later.

Toliy: 54:00

Yeah yeah, no, no, I was, I was. I was just more trying to say that that I think, uh, when a person is able to get to a point where they can be their, them, their true, true selves, yeah, they're able to connect with all those um, um, like all all those like things in in accordance with with truth. Yeah, and acting in those kinds of ways guarantees, I think, guarantees you particular outcomes, yeah, and I think scenarios where you're not getting what you want, um, are scenarios where we're not being our true selves and we're not acting in the truth.

Toliy: 54:35

And those are guaranteed to also not get you the outcomes that you want. And like um, at least, for example, for my, my life, like um, my measure of like, like improvement, or like where I'm at, or like um, um, how I go about things is that like um. I rarely have, I would say, scenarios where it's like I feel that like there's a disservice being done to me by like the world Right Like. I feel that, like, like um, everyone has the ability to control their realities and the exact realities that they get um. And I think that that that's like um for sure.

Toliy: 55:16

So I so like um but you empowered though well, yeah, well, if you just feel that, like, um, the further you progress, the more you see that you are actually in control and that, like you, um, like you have the ability to control all of those things and that you are responsible in all, all ways, and that, like no one else is ever, I think, to like blame, you know yeah unless you're following like donald trump or biden.

Eldar: 55:43

You know what I mean. One or the other side, you know, and you're cheering for them and shit. You know you're taking away from yourself. Yeah, I'll take a weird turn yeah, you forgot I had to sit you both down, yeah yeah.

Eldar: 55:56

So I think that like do, like, acting in one way or another, is a guaranteed outcome yeah, and an example of this what he's talking about is that, you know, everybody that you know said oh joey, oh, joey's such a good guy, such a great guy, he'd be such a good relationship guy. You know, right, everybody said that everybody had that opinion. But every time joe got into a relationship he became this fucking pussy, a people pleaser right, a kiss ass right, where you couldn't be yourself anymore. You couldn't crack the same jokes. You know what I mean. You were always in tippy toes making sure that the girls are the fucking. You know what I mean. I propped up to the fucking. I don't know where you put them up, there on the pedestal, same yeah, which is a very interesting uh phenomenon everybody has a particular image of you, being a particular way.

Toliy: 56:39

Yeah, and wants to like introduce you to, for example, someone, but based yes. Well, no, I think it's based on they know who you are.

Eldar: 56:47

Yes, right, and who they?

Toliy: 56:48

promote and they want, yeah, they may be failed in those moments to realize that you can't be who you are.

Eldar: 56:53

That's right. You can't present that to the world.

Toliy: 56:55

Until you got to a point where you were able to be who you are and then you got exactly what, on which both scenarios make sense 10 out of 10 times. Neither one of those are like oh, like, joe is a piece of shit and he got like the best person ever in the best scenario or like someone is the actual person, their true self stands behind truth and they end up with like I don't know, someone else is like a piece of shit or something that doesn't exist.

Eldar: 57:20

I think the world. Again we talk about justice here. I think the world, the way God made it right. He set up in such a way where everything is perfectly aligned. If your ass is not aligning it, you're not going to get the greatest gift, which is love.

Toliy: 57:32

Yeah, I think everyone gets exactly what they deserve in all scenarios. But just I think that like over time, some of those things are like learning scenarios, where like you progress through it, like you learn it and you have that opportunity to kind of see what actually happened, and I think like taking responsibility is where you can actually then grow, like in those things.

Joe: 57:54

And how old were you when you met Kat, when you had that revelation? And then you met Kat 23, so that's young and that was after a long relationship.

Eldar: 58:03

Yeah, but I was also super charged on philosophy, anastasia. I had a lot of, and I had a bad relationship already under my belt, so I felt all those things already. That was on crack. That's good that it happened so early, and then I already knew who I was inside and I was like yo, I'm gonna push this. I had to brainwash somebody into it. That's what it is. I think you know what I mean. Ultimately, I was telling.

Joe: 58:22

Lisa on the way here, how we grew up pretty tight and close and I knew right away we were in a good, good clique of guys, because I could sense, you know, even though you were from another country or your your, your culture is different, all the stuff we like, we just knew that we were like, aligned, we were gonna, you know, be good friends. Yeah, and then you know, before you know it, I'm spending all my time with you. How old is it?

Eldar: 58:51

jumping on my bed and didn't make my bed. And then we broke up for about a year or two. I banned him, said this guy is disrespectful, he's a dirty American.

Lisa: 59:00

I see what that was about. Those are the classes of the culture.

Eldar: 59:03

Those are the classes of the culture. They jump on the bed with their shoes on. No way. The story is a little different.

Joe: 59:12

What I remember was we had this friend, kevin. He loved wrestling. I was sitting on Eldar's bed. He grabbed me and chokeslanned me out of nowhere on his bed. I was trying to stop myself from him pulling me. I remember like grabbing his bed sheets and he was pulling me off the bed and he kept doing these moves and then Elder comes in he sees his bed all messed up, sees me and Kevin tussling. I was like I didn't make him throw me on your bed Like I didn't want this to happen.

Joe: 59:41

And then he was upset, and then I think he's like fix my bed. I'm like no, and then he's like alright, then leave. And I'm like fine, and I walked out. And then we actually it was a year in high school we just avoided each other.

Eldar: 59:55

And then Even though we knew that we were very good friends and we liked each other a lot. Yeah, like a lot. We were very compatible from the moment that we met. We were very compatible, just like me and you, mike. We're very compatible in detention, like that with Joe as well. Like it was just instant connection. Like we understand each other. Yeah, but I had to like y'all. Like this is not going to work, but you know, we broke up for a year.

Joe: 1:00:16

But then it was a weird time. It was on 9-11. We were in school and school and that traumatic event. I saw him in the staircase and I was just like immediately I knew his mom worked in the city and I was like is everything okay? Is your mom okay? Did you talk to your mom? And I think you you said like, yeah, she's fine. And you're like are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, I talked to my mom.

Eldar: 1:00:36

Yeah.

Joe: 1:00:37

And then right after that we realized what was important. You know, like we had this stupid thing and then immediately, I think, I think I saw him at school and I was like what are you doing after school? And then we went right back to what we did every time after school, and then, which is, cut class and play basketball and make french fries yeah, so we squashed that after realizing there are more important things in the world but how did we get to that?

Eldar: 1:01:05

You started rambling, bro. You brought up, you brought up how.

Joe: 1:01:08

What were we talking about before that Friendship?

Mike: 1:01:12

No, totally was saying something, no.

Joe: 1:01:14

You? Well, it was about you learning at an early age.

Mike: 1:01:17

No, you asked him when did he fall in love, and he told you what age and why that was, and then then somehow that turns into that.

Eldar: 1:01:25

Fuck it If nobody remembers whatever. But yeah, I think that in this topic at least, there's a lot of things that need to fall into its right places in order for love to come about. Or you have to become more compatible to love, to invite something like that into your life. You know what I mean. But a lot of times people might feel like, oh, what the fuck? Yo, you know, like I'm doing everything right, I have the house, I have this, I have that, they do all these checkboxes right, and like why am I still not compatible, right?

Toliy: 1:01:53

But a lot of times it's probably your perceptions, it's probably your ego, your attachments, or like again, like the famous line that Mike was trying, which to me is the most arrogant thing that you could say I tried everything. Yeah, oh, yeah Like who the fuck do you think you are?

Joe: 1:02:12

to say that he definitely did you know he did it.

Toliy: 1:02:15

Yeah the.

Mike: 1:02:16

Thing is you tried exactly the same thing every single time. That's right If you look at your relationships and my relationships and anybody who had bad relationships, nothing changed. We were the same exact people in that relationship and we thought we were doing something different. We were doing exactly the same shit, made the same exact mistakes with the girls and with ourselves.

Joe: 1:02:36

You know, when you said that, I thought back. Let me see if I shifted at all between like ex number one, ex number two and I said ex number one. I remember not being patient with her little childish act.

Joe: 1:02:49

I said maybe I could have been more patient because, I said, like we like were mad about each other, but I just gave up on her childishness and I said, you know, I gave up on it. And now, when we broke up, I'm like I always thought maybe if I was more patient it wouldn't have went this way. So X number two I'm going to be more patient.

Lisa: 1:03:13

I'm going to be more patient.

Eldar: 1:03:14

Oh shit, what a setup I'm going to be more patient Wrong perception. If things don down with you a mentor right. Well, that's called. They call that a struggle of yeah struggle of the second one.

Eldar: 1:03:30

The second one. What I'm saying is like if, after the first one, you had somebody who was a mentor who sat you down and said, joe, correct what? Maybe it was her fault or whatever right, if you made that conclusion, you would have never went to like concluding that you needed to be more patient. For the next one, even though you did that, and then the next one, you were more patient, but actually prolonging probably the inevitable yeah and this is what I bring up that no one's really guided like we have.

Joe: 1:03:58

We have in in high school right, we start taking these types of courses like home, ec or wood shop or you know these things, that kind of gear you to get out of high school and kind of hit the world, you know and see where you fit, yeah right, what type of profession you want to get into and stuff like that. And you even have these courses where you carry around a fake baby and you practice that type of stuff. You know you take health courses and you learn a little bit of this, a little bit of that, but we're never really diving rubber, uh what's it called?

Toliy: 1:04:28

uh. Tit like in. Uh, what's that movie uh?

Joe: 1:04:32

with robert de niro, I don't know. Well, you would never really have courses that like gear us for these types of bigger events in our lives, like you know marriage, relationships like ego, all these things that we're trying to just pick up the pieces as we fall and we're always tripping over each other and we're tripping over ourselves and you know we're never really getting the information we need to get to have a successful outcome. You know, and I feel like no one's, no one's being set up for success and the young, the young generation, do you feel bad about that? I think it needs to be incorporated into school Meditation philosophy, all these things that can help.

Joe: 1:05:16

Why do you have a strong attachment towards this Because I realized that you suffer from it. It didn't exist when I grew up and I wish I liked it, I think it could do, doesn't? It didn't exist when I grew up and I I would have liked it. You know, I think it could do the young generation.

Eldar: 1:05:28

You're doing well.

Joe: 1:05:30

Yeah, now.

Toliy: 1:05:31

Yeah, but look at, look at him. Yeah, but who are you recommending that to Like? You're recommending that to a society that like values and wants completely different things. Yeah, so like you different?

Eldar: 1:05:42

things it's going to get rejected. It needs to learn the hard way.

Toliy: 1:05:47

Currently the way that things are. People don't want this. You're invading their space and forcing them. It might be good things, but in a position where people don't realize that they're actually bad things, You're trying to Meditation, philosophy, slowing down Morals, eth. Like morals, ethics. Are you gonna mandate it, jamie?

Joe: 1:06:10

oliver. He's from england. He changed the school food system in in in england to be more natural, healthy, um, actually more affordable uh version in the school systems there. He came to the united states. He wanted to implement that in our school systems there. He came to the United States, he wanted to implement that in our school systems and he started off in some of the most obesity-ridden states and kids were at a young age already with diabetes and all this stuff and the reaction was get the hell out of here.

Joe: 1:06:43

Who do you think you are trying to change? What we have, what we like, how we do things and no matter what he tried to propose, it's going to be cheaper, it's going to be healthier, it's going to be. You know. It's just. The only caveat was it's going to take a little more work. The lunch ladies had to prepare the food instead of just throwing it in the oven. You know a lot, lot of it was just messing with people's conveniences and laziness and I think that at the end of the day, if you don't take that step to apply yourself and learn and change and do the hard work, you're not going to reap the benefits of the outcome of what you were kind of saying.

Toliy: 1:07:23

And you shouldn't, it's just Yeah's, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Toliy: 1:07:32

And and I um one thing I wanted to make a comment on was that was those scenarios you were talking about with, like x number one or x number two, right, if you?

Toliy: 1:07:37

I think, if you look back on those scenarios, the examples are like there's a sick person trying to be.

Toliy: 1:07:49

There's always scenarios we have, I think, where we're sick patients trying to be doctors and we have a problem with something, and we're from that same belief system and from that that same like point of view, trying to give advice or trying to give guidance to the. So the sick is like trying to give advice to like the sick, and that kind of thing, right, and it's a like, a perpetual cycle where you continue to, um, like, be a teacher who's advising a student, but it's like a student who needs a teacher, for example, or who needs to actually see what's going on. And I think it's very hard to break those cycles, like, like, what you were saying out there, um of of, of, of like, what happened was that from that first one, you made the wrong conclusion to go to then the second one, right, but that was like you concluding yourself already from a place of like not knowing but thinking that, like you, can make the right conclusion from from that you've appointed yourself to be your own teacher.

Eldar: 1:08:55

Yes, and that is the crime you've committed against yourself by being very arrogant, actually yeah, but oftentimes, um, the reason that happens is because of attachment.

Toliy: 1:09:05

If you have a horse in a race, it's very difficult for you to actually see what's going on, and that goes, I think, for all of us. It's completely different, right, because I'm not. I'm able to see things from a no attachment lens and I can see things very clearly and, like, understand them, but when you're in it and you're giving yourself advice from that, from, from there, I think it's very hard to uh, succeed that is why you went on a date and you practice somebody else's advice and it worked, remember?

Eldar: 1:09:45

you said you did this. You gave us a testimony. You said look, I've tried those things. Those things and those theories came out to be true. I'm like, oh shit, you have to prove yourself wrong with somebody else's theories. You've employed somebody else. You said you know what? I'm gonna be a good student here, please show me. And as soon as you humbled yourself and you had humility, somebody else showed you and you're like, oh shit, I was getting it all wrong this whole time. So there you go.

Toliy: 1:10:08

Yeah, but it takes again humility to be able to put yourself in a position where you have the ability to learn or to apply or to see those kinds of things. If you're coming from a place of like that, you know I don't think you'll ever get it, I think it's impossible.

Eldar: 1:10:26

Well, stuck in the cave.

Toliy: 1:10:28

Yeah, it's, it's impossible. Well, stuck in the cave, yeah, it's very hard. I was fortunate enough to meet Eldar and then Mike and from a very young age. Maybe we were fortunate to meet you, or maybe that I was 16 and Eldar was the best basketball player in town and everyone looked up to him Still is. At that time, that was why I looked up to him. That's why, at that time, that was why I looked up to him too, because everybody wanted to play.

Joe: 1:10:53

You had a good shot, though, from the three-point line.

Lisa: 1:10:56

I did, yeah, very good shot.

Lisa: 1:10:58

But see, you were lucky and fortunate. Everyone was fortunate to be in that same circle. And I think what Joey is asking is how do people get this information? And you guys said, oh, they have to. People are searching for it. It's just not there. Because I know I've searched for these answers and it's just not out there. And it's not until I met Joey, actually, and we read that book and then I went into therapy and that's there. And therapy is very expensive and it's not accessible to a lot of people and it doesn't no matter how humbly you are, no matter how. And I do agree with the point that you have to be empty, like if I approach anything new, I have to be empty. I can't be like I know this, I don't, and but a lot of people can't do that. But I know people are searching for a lot of things that they just can't find it.

Eldar: 1:11:47

So we would argue that I'm sorry, mike. We would argue that those people that you sit down with us and we say, okay, who's searching for what, we'll quickly find out that nobody's searching for anything no, I don't believe that well that's.

Eldar: 1:11:59

I think that if you really pay attention to the intricate details or the information that they give you and the way they behave and the things that they say, you quickly find out that there's a lot of ego involved, there's a lot of pride, there's a lot of like that, that saying we're like I tried everything already, you know, kind of thing attitude where they're holding themselves away, even though they might outwardly say I am searching you know what I'm saying?

Lisa: 1:12:21

do we meet everyone where they're at? Men is that way.

Toliy: 1:12:24

Oh, you just want everyone to go through what they're going through, and then, in the end, See, I think that there's probably almost like a humble test of life, right, and I think that your search will stop the moment that there's a level of arrogance that creeps in, but your search, I think, will continue. That creeps in, but your search, I think, will continue If you stay humble enough. I think that you'll always find what you're looking for, whether it's information or particular help or something like that. But I think the difficult part about searching is that while searching you can't make conclusions, because if you make conclusions, I think that you'll stop searching.

Eldar: 1:13:13

Plus, the premise of searching in the first place is that I am doing something that needs to be done, like I'm under the impression that you should be searching in the first place. Yeah, why are you under that impression? Right, that alone is like, well, okay. Okay, what are you searching for? A better life, why? What's wrong with your life right now? Let's list out some some of the things that how you're living. You have food, yes, you have shelter. Yes, you have parents that love you. Yes, you have friends. Yes, what's the problem? You know what I mean, right?

Eldar: 1:13:42

So you quickly find out like, oh, shit, like reality is there's no search that needs to be done in the first place, but you've appointed yourself is to say like, oh, but I don't have this right, like you said, the check marks of society? Oh, but elder, but I'm, I'm 35. They told me at 25 I was supposed to be married and have kids. I don't have that. Uh, well, then then let's discuss that topic. Who told you this? Yeah, and when did you buy in and why do you buy in? Let's lay this out and have an actual conversation about do they have the timeline right, or should we readjust?

Joe: 1:14:13

this timeline. So if somebody was in a position where they're not ready for the advice or their ego is still there or they're saying they're searching but they're not. But if there was workshops available for someone that might be at that stage where they're like either they're interested or they've already come to the time in their life where they need the information, like Lisa's saying, but it's not available, if there was workshops let's say free, like afterschool programs right, that they could, just it's there and if they ever wanted to attend they could attend. Don't you think that if they attended that at earlier stages and it was there and accessible, that people would slowly change faster or learn quicker? With the right information provided.

Joe: 1:14:56

Let me give you an example. Well, I'm just going to say one more thing. Sure, when people don't have something to do after school, they get into trouble. Right, have these other little programs out, like you can come here and you know you, we could play basketball in the gym and after school hours. I did a lot of after school hours because parents were always working. There was like nothing, you know, I just kept myself busy. I did my homework first and then I was able to play, like it kept me. You know, sure, kind of I had something kept, you kept me, yeah. I had something Kept, you Kept me, yeah. So I had something that was accessible and I took it.

Joe: 1:15:32

You took it, I took it you took it yeah. You took it. Well, it was there.

Eldar: 1:15:36

If it wasn't there, I would have just been in the street Check this out, ready. Yeah, I went to philosophy class, bergen, right. College, going to college, yeah, yeah, after I got in trouble, after I was a little depressed, yeah, did some stupid stuff. You know this, yeah, right, yeah, I sit down at X-teens class and you know, the questions about Socrates and Plato come about and they talk a lot about happiness, truth, love, all this other stuff, right, and I'm like, oh shit, this is interesting stuff. My ears are like this it's gold. Um, this is gold. Yo, I'm, I'm ready, I'm writing everything down. I'm looking at him like this. I'm like, oh shit, time passed by. You know, like so fast or whatever. You know, I can't believe this. I want more, I want more. I'm eating it all up. You know, one time, you know, I glanced over. I'm like yo, wake up. Yo, you're missing stuff because this is gold.

Eldar: 1:16:29

Bro, my professor goes Aldo, leave him alone. He's not going to be able to retain it or understand it. And I was like, oh shit, this guy has a sleep, he needs sleep. He's like professor said, this is what he needs. He's sleep deprived. I'm right, I'm depressed, I need knowledge. I'm knowledge deprived. That's why I'm listening. He's sleep deprived. Yeah, you're baffled as to why he's not paying attention. I'm like yo, my man, they're giving out free gold here. Get online and just open your hands and they'll give it to you. Can't do it because he's sleep deprived.

Toliy: 1:17:03

He has something else and somebody else something else and the paradoxical thing is also is the professor who's giving away this free gold understand that the right thing to do is to let that student sleep?

Eldar: 1:17:14

And not fail him. Right, and I'm like. I came up after class and I said Paul, your shit is crazy good. Why are you teaching a Bergen community college? He goes Elder. Those kids are going to be all right, I'm like. But you can influence so many more people Elder. Those kids are going to be alright, I'm like. But you can influence so many more people. He goes Elder. All I need to influence is one person, because you don't know when you throw that rock Into the lake, you don't know how far the fucking the ripples go. And I'm like, oh shit, I'm the fucking rock and I'm creating this ripple and this is what I'm doing. It's true, you understand this. He needed to touch one life. He didn't need to touch the 30 kids that were sleeping. He needed to touch me and he did. Until this day. I can't forget him. So you? That's why I kept saying that you were ready to take advantage of those programs. You were ready for that. A kid that's mom and dad are divorcing, right? He can't take advantage of those things.

Eldar: 1:18:04

He's thinking about his mom and dad, the kid that can't sleep at night you know what I mean because he's hungry. He's not thinking about no after school programs, about philosophy. Everybody's exactly where they're supposed to be, and it's difficult to structure society in such a way where we please everyone and educate everyone and the fucking shit is good. Yeah, you can't have everyone on the same, no it's very different.

Lisa: 1:18:23

No, but that's where you meet them, where they're at, though.

Eldar: 1:18:25

You try to, but that takes a very specific right zoomed in approach. It's almost like one teacher to one student, right? You know what I'm saying? That's why classrooms that are fucking six kids to one teacher do better than fucking 30. Like it's an obvious thing.

Toliy: 1:18:43

Yeah, I'm very confident in the fact that when we discuss particular topics here, I don't think we're ever in a position where we don't have an answer. Um, I think the answers to things in general, they're a lot easier to to like figure out and I think that when we put our minds together we can figure anything out. I don't think that we've ever been in a position, I can't remember, where we can't figure out like an answer to something, because I think that the the bigger blocker is the person that's trying to get the information. That that's the hard part. The hard part is a person being humble, in like a moment, a person who's willing to learn, a person who's, um, um, actually seeking that kind of knowledge and and being a good student, for example, receptive, and learning.

Toliy: 1:19:30

It's not the hard part. I don't think his life is figuring out what the answers are, because we can take apart anyone's life here and we can have all the right answers. It doesn't mean that they're going to be followed. It doesn't mean that they're going to happen in that kind of way, because we as people need to put ourselves in a position where we can learn and we can be receptive and we can learn to be good students and we're bound by what?

Eldar: 1:19:54

the fact that we're arrogant, you're not going to receive god's gifts, bro. You're arrogant. He's not going to bless you with love. Right, what it takes to be in a good relationship with alana, right, you know like you have to be a good person and what does that entail? All those things, right. Anytime your ego fires up, your pride fires up, or any attachments to the political world or some other fucking world, you realize you're still butting heads, because that's not where love thrives, yeah, and then you have to make the choice based on who you're supposed to get.

Toliy: 1:20:29

You either get love or you get again attachment and anger and ego flaring up and wars happening internally. Right, but in order for that to happen, you have to have the right values and you have to value those things and stand behind them. You have to have the right values and you have to value those things and stand behind them, because they're more important than again, like others said, like the, the politics, or you know little little things, for example, in life yeah, like that, he's told me.

Joe: 1:20:58

He's told me that in the past and I had to step back and and many times I told you hey, joe, like why are you bending backwards for these girls?

Eldar: 1:21:05

you know what I mean. He was fucking would do it. He would move mountains, mountains for these girls. Mike does too. Mike did, too, would move mountains. You know what I mean. And at the end of the day, they're on their knees begging like yo. She doesn't really appreciate me. She doesn't sex, not good. You know what I mean. All this other shit, you know what I mean because and I was like yo, yo, guys, you're enough, you're already good. You don't do all this shit for me. I'm your friend and I'm good because it's based on who you are. These are your core values and they work perfectly fine. Lead with that. Lead with that every time and you'll be fine. But they somehow you know, put in their heads that they had to fucking move mountains in order to get something you know like, which they never were able to get. And I think that stands to what he's talking about, that you're going to get what you deserve.

Joe: 1:21:59

Oh, another one, you got it, you got a problem with that.

Eldar: 1:22:03

You got a problem with that, and a lot of people say that and a lot of people say, right, a lot of people you'll hear say on these shows and stuff I deserve love. And all the girlfriends like, yes, you do, of course you do. You're a bad bitch. You know what I mean. You're a bad bitch, you know like, oh, you independent woman and all this other fucking crap. No, you don't. You don't deserve fucking love. You're probably a piece of shit on the inside and none of your friends have enough courage to tell you you're a fucking piece of shit well, people don't like the truth well, there you go, right.

Eldar: 1:22:31

So then, what are we talking about? Who's fucking actually searching? Because if somebody who's actually searching and being under the gun, actually, holy shit, ask mike, ask joe, when they were under the gun when those questions were asked, they're fucking hurt. They hurt, you know. They shame you because this whole time you thought you fucking knew and we're telling you that, no, bro, you're actually a piece of shit being a people pleaser. You're a fucking vampire. Why are you being a vampire? You know that kind of thing.

Toliy: 1:23:00

I can't think of a scenario where anyone who doesn't like the truth will ever get what they want. You know, I can't. There's no scenario. I think that's possible to create that like if you don't have a good relationship with standing with the truth or with hearing the truth, or like and and anything like on that topic it's it's it's impossible to get what you want. But I think one very confusing thing, I think, between like um communication and probably and probably we always talk about like what's the biggest issue in society, or like that I think miscommunication is one of them, because what's difficult about our language is that there's one word right.

Toliy: 1:23:39

To describe a thousand things Right, and we can all use that word and we all say it the same way and like, okay, you say it. Mike says, mike says you know I'll it. The same way, and like, okay, you say it. Mike says um, mike says it, you know, I'll say it. But it can mean all different things, but what it actually means or what we actually think about it, that's never discussed, right? So again, like um I think you're in the bathroom, I was saying that like a very arrogant thing that people say. Probably the most arrogant thing I could think of is when someone says, um, I tried everything. Right, to be under the impression that this is like, like to, to say that and to to believe that, I think is a very arrogant statement, right. But to that person they feel they've tried everything and they use that word I try everything when they can then speak to somebody else and that person might say you haven't even started trying yet yeah.

Lisa: 1:24:30

But the reason why that's dangerous? Well, once it's accepted by society to say I've tried everything, it's very accepted and you're like, okay, cool. And the reason why that's dangerous is because then you close yourself off for everything else that's there, because you're like I've tried it, I'm, I don't want to go you make a conclusion right, I don't want to explore anymore because I've tried everything which that makes sense. Like you just shut. You shut yourself off from everything else because you ought to live that out, right live it out.

Joe: 1:24:57

Excuse, yeah, justify, yeah, the reasons why you're in that position, and then you have an excuse to fall back on, like this is the reason yeah, and if you, if you became very good at it, you're gonna have to live that for a very long time.

Eldar: 1:25:10

Yeah, become a cat lady sounds like.

Mike: 1:25:12

Sounds like all the stuff you guys are saying is like. You know, buddhism says it, but it's more like if you want to get to what you're, what you're asking about, to get to the point, I think or maybe you, joe how to get to this point faster is you need to suffer more and faster.

Mike: 1:25:28

That's right, because then you can finally fire yourself and say I actually don't know and I'm fed up because I fucking tried everything. I'm fucking whatever 20 years old, 30 years old, 40 years old, 50 years old, but I don't know. Like I can't figure this shit out and I'm tired of trying. And I think if you reach that point, genuinely you know, I think that's great.

Toliy: 1:25:50

That is great. I think it's a very paradoxical situation that, like, the more humble you are, the more you get.

Joe: 1:25:58

So did you fire yourself and what Did you get to that point? I know you're working on you, yeah.

Mike: 1:26:08

I mean, I think I don't think like I'm not sure if it's a point that you get to. I think it's something that you constantly work on you constantly have to fire yourself in so many situations.

Eldar: 1:26:18

That's the thing, right, because we're so competent in so many things. Quote-unquote competent, right? Talk to me about this. Oh, I know this, I know this. I know that You've come to find out that you've made a lot of conclusions on a lot of things Very prematurely.

Mike: 1:26:30

There's a million things that we have stances on, and a lot of them could be wrong, so that's why you never reach the point where you correct yourself on all of them. It's just a continuous life's journey, life's work where you're trying to unearth those things you know. So maybe today I unearthed something about, took a stance on something, but tomorrow I got another 300 000 things that I need to still undo.

Eldar: 1:27:01

That I fucking did myself in, yeah, and it's very hard, uh, and we don't know what we're living out right now.

Toliy: 1:27:05

No, yeah yeah, the more experience or any kind of scenarios you have with those things, the harder it is to let go of those things. Like if I told you, joe, you know nothing about astrophysics, how do you feel about that?

Joe: 1:27:17

I don't agree with you.

Toliy: 1:27:18

Okay, what if I came in and said Joe, you know nothing about making pizza?

Joe: 1:27:21

I have a problem with that.

Toliy: 1:27:28

Oh, there's an automatic different feeling. Completely sure, you don't have an attachment that you feel inside of you that you truly know about astrophysics. So it's very easy for you to humble yourself. And if I'm an astrophysicist right now, I'm coming in here for you to maybe learn or ask questions or listen to what I have to say.

Joe: 1:27:40

But if I come in and say, like joe, you know nothing about making pizza I do know that there's better pizza makers out there than I do, and I'm willing to be humble about the fact that I don't know it as much as maybe you know when I. I know that there's room to grow, but I do know that I'm good at it. Yeah, but but my? So you think yeah, yeah.

Toliy: 1:28:00

My, my, you guys are now no, no no, a circle right, the correct way.

Eldar: 1:28:06

So it's very important to be able to speak correctly, right? So in the case of this, to make this a true statement, you would say I know that I'm a good pizza maker in front of Mike Toli and Eldar.

Joe: 1:28:16

And more than just that, but yeah.

Eldar: 1:28:18

Fine fine, but you can make some more names, right? Yeah, then it's more, say, a general statement like that.

Mike: 1:28:31

Domino's is the most popular brand of pizza.

Eldar: 1:28:33

You know what I'm saying, so maybe you got it all wrong. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, joe, so you have to be very careful the way you express yourself.

Toliy: 1:28:41

Yeah, but the point of that is that it's very difficult to be humble on the things that either you think you know or that you've had a lot of, maybe, interactions or experience with. Those are the things that are hardest to put yourself in a position where you can be humble and to learn and I'm talking about everyday things in life and I think, because those things are so hard to put yourself in that position, that's why I think a lot of people are people get stuck and it's very hard for them to change.

Joe: 1:29:10

That's why specifically pretty girls in the world never really get you know? Tested to the point where they can, they've developed this, this character and the people they date and things like that, because everything gets offered, no matter how they act.

Mike: 1:29:28

No, that's what you think. Well, the thing is what happens?

Eldar: 1:29:30

No, no, but what happens with, I think being pretty or being beautiful, let's just say. And then you being unable to not see things for what they are, it's actually a curse. Yeah, that becomes where it's like you, they've painted this picture, where it's like oh shit, this is how it's all to be and supposed to be, and supposed to be happy. So you go on pretending for a very long time, thinking that this is right. So it's a crazy conundrum it's an even worse punishment.

Mike: 1:29:53

It's a worse punishment than if you are. That's what I'm saying.

Toliy: 1:29:56

Yeah, but you still never get what you want yeah, I know you might never gonna be happy, yeah, like you might get money or like no.

Joe: 1:30:03

I'm just saying that to your point, because you were saying, you know, you're not really, you're not really acknowledging or learning these certain things, because just you're not processing it. Not processing it getting this almost false advertisement or this false facade that you live in this world where it's not realistic.

Toliy: 1:30:36

I was more saying that it's difficult for you to be humble in the things that you have a lot of experience in right, because you think that you know certain things about them and the more societal, wise basic they are right, the harder they are for you to to to, to put yourself in a position to learn right, um, right like I. I can give you a funny example like I was wiping my ass wrong my whole life where you're going back to front what?

Toliy: 1:31:07

back to front like that, that that's like, that's just like a silly or like a funny example ask him how he found out that he was doing this how'd they find out? It was painful.

Eldar: 1:31:15

I was experiencing pain what kind of pain he was. Like he would come and he was like yo, my ass is bleeding. Like, wait, what he's? Like? I can't sit down. I'm like, why can't? He goes well, every time I wipe, bro, my ass starts bleeding. It isn't yours. I'm like, wait, what, what, how's your ass bleeding. You know what I mean. So like, oh, how are you wiping your ass? So you told us.

Joe: 1:31:35

Sandpaper.

Toliy: 1:31:36

It wasn't as harsh as that.

Eldar: 1:31:42

But my point was to like depict, I painted a good picture. No, fine, fine, we'll talk about this after the podcast.

Toliy: 1:31:46

Yeah, my point in saying that was that it's such a simple basic thing, right, but you would never put yourself in a position to see if you were wrong about that. Sure and there's a million of those types of things, and the simpler they are like I don't know, do you know how to be a good friend? If someone said like, hey, do you know what it's like to be a good friend? If someone said like, hey, do you know what it's like to be a good friend? How many people are?

Joe: 1:32:08

going to say no. So at the end of the day, what you're saying is we don't know how dirty our drawers really are. That's right.

Eldar: 1:32:15

We're all walking around, that's right, no one knows A hundred percent and they're dirty, they're dirty. There's dingleberries everywhere. It's disgusting.

Lisa: 1:32:32

Yeah, but I understand what you're saying, because your point is for.

Joe: 1:32:36

For me, I'll say oh, I said I wasn't giving it a good example it's not dating.

Lisa: 1:32:38

It's not about dating but, it's in regards to your example. For me, when I got in trouble or not trouble when I got in a bad place with my personal finances because I did seek, I did not find the right thing. Everyone I went to or I sought out or I found was just like oh, just invest, how, where? Why All of these things? No one wanted to explain that to me, right? No one had the time to teach it. They just wanted the money or their commission or whatever. So I took it all by myself to learn and I didn't learn it until I was in. I was like wait, what happened to all my money? Like, where is it going? So I started seeking out and I was like, okay, this person is saying do all of these things and then give right. So I was like, oh, I can mess with this person because he's not just hoarding, he's not just telling me to hoard all this wealth or build all this wealth for myself. I was able to with his concept. I was able to go out and help other people after recovering Right. And so now I'm in that space where I know a lot not a lot, but I know enough about finances.

Lisa: 1:33:41

So each time somebody writes a new book about personal finance, I was like, oh, you know, it's the same thing, I've already read this and that's coming from a place of just like I know it all when I don't, and that's how I approach it. I was like, oh, I don't need to buy this book because I studied it, I know it, I'm in it like blah, blah, blah. But when I actually do purchase a new finance book, no matter what the book, who writes it and the same beginning, the same chapters are the same. But I always, I always find something new to expand on.

Lisa: 1:34:13

But it's always the difficult step is like, oh, man is getting to the bookstore buying the book, cause I'm like I've read this before, I know what they're going to talk about. But there's always something in that book, this new book, that I have never taught, thought about or never seen it in a. So I see it in a different light. But it takes a step of getting away from the self of like, from your ego, from your pride, from you you're knowing it all self. It takes that step to say, hey, you know what? Maybe I don't know everything or maybe there's something new, but that again it takes. It takes a while to get there.

Toliy: 1:34:42

Yeah, yeah, like that, that. Or, for example, if you read a book or if you watch the movie, that or, for example, if you read a book or if you watch the movie, right, just because you watch the once or you watch it at one point, doesn't mean that you'll get the same things out of it if you read it a second time or a third time, or watch it Like I'll watch movies.

Toliy: 1:34:58

Two or three years later, yeah, yeah, there's a lot of good like philosophy-based movies that we know and you'll watch it at different points in your life and it's the same exact movie but you're able to extract different things about it and it's almost like it's a new movie or there's wait, there's more scenes to this movie. But, no, it was the same movie the whole time, just different people, or? A different person can watch it at different times and take different things out of it.

Lisa: 1:35:25

Yeah, and you're also in a different place in your life.

Toliy: 1:35:27

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Lisa: 1:35:29

You different things out of it, yeah, and you're also in a different place in your life. Oh, yeah, yeah, you're in a different place. So something else stands out to you that's different, yeah, and like, for example, we've been harping on notebook and it's just like I've never. And it's also different people's different perspective of things, cause I see the notebook and I was, oh, it's such about the different relationship, backgrounds and the struggles of it. But now I'll have to watch it through Edgar's eyes and just be like wait, this is what he's talking about.

Lisa: 1:35:54

But you know, it's also just getting around people or getting around different settings and just being like, hey, what is your perspective? And let me try to understand it from your perspective. And that's also just humbling yourself again, to just be like, maybe I didn't see it this way and how can I not necessarily take over that persona or that person's persona, but how can I think for myself and see it from where that person is coming from?

Eldar: 1:36:20

if that makes sense. The question is. The question is, who's actually doing the changing right in that moment? Are you doing the change right now because you came into this podcast and opened your mind to these perspectives, or are we doing this to you?

Lisa: 1:36:33

well, no, you guys are doing it to me because we've never had.

Eldar: 1:36:36

I think that's the thing yeah, I think that's the big difference in fundamental thinking. Right, well, I actually believe that you did this right that's what I said to you.

Joe: 1:36:45

Yeah, well, I said to alana, I said I said to you in the car. I said this is now like your bucket list, where you're saying yes to things that, like you may not have gone to in the past. But your time's available. We're just doing what we usually do. Yeah, you're shooting out here and you're off. You know you're putting yourself in this position. That's you opening up Right.

Lisa: 1:37:09

No, that you opening right. No, that's me doing that like coming. That's me, but then me taking away from what I'm learning or what I'm hearing in a different perspective. That's you guys, because if you guys didn't share your perspective, what was it?

Toliy: 1:37:16

there's no point, no, but I don't think that you would be able to hear our perspective if you weren't if you weren't open to it, right, we could be sitting here talking all night. Yeah, you could have 10, 15, 20 people. Some people are going to be taking something away from it. Some people are learning of it. Some people are going to sit here and be like this is nonsense.

Eldar: 1:37:37

Lisa, it's that student that's sleeping in class and the student that's listening in class, right, it's a very big difference. No, no, you, the student might be right now who's actually listening and wants to listen. That's why maybe the magic might be happening. Right, we're not doing anything out of the ordinary, if there is any magic, right. But at least in this podcast, or at least what we believe in, is that at the end of the day, right, in order to change the world, you have to change yourself. What Joe said and what Toli is saying, right, and that we've empowered ourselves enough to know that this is what actually is going on, right, that, depending on how we structure ourselves and put ourselves in positions, the world will fall in its place. So we're constantly almost expanding reality based on who we are versus the reality expanding onto us. It's a completely different mindset, right, where it's not the world oppressing us. It's we changing the world as we know it because we are empowered, right, and that's a. That's the thing. It's a big different thing.

Lisa: 1:38:35

Right, no yeah.

Eldar: 1:38:36

Versus being the victim. Right Versus being the person who's empowered and is creating.

Lisa: 1:38:41

Right. But that that is correct. But what I was saying in terms of you guys, who's doing it, I think we all are doing it. Yeah, Like me coming is part of the doing, and then sitting, listening is doing, and then you guys, sharing your perspective, is also doing. So we're all like in this, like ecosystem that's doing the magic you know For sure.

Joe: 1:39:02

And these people will prosper, because the ones that aren't doing, they're rather just mind numbing, watching TV or wasting their time.

Eldar: 1:39:10

and now, why are you judging them?

Joe: 1:39:12

They're renting their brain and practicing and flexing that muscle and learning and being open and changing. That's where that scale of people who are going to be stuck versus the ones that are going to learn and move forward and but you know, I think, uh, yeah, everyone's at their own pace and if you're willing, to do this.

Lisa: 1:39:34

It's gonna you're gonna benefit from it yeah, I think there's hope for everyone, even though people get what they deserve. I do think there's hope for everyone in the end you would have to in this crowd.

Eldar: 1:39:44

You'd have to define what that hope. The word hope means some people have some bad situations you.

Joe: 1:39:47

You don't have to define what the word hope means.

Lisa: 1:39:49

Some people have some bad situations. You guys don't like the word hope.

Eldar: 1:39:51

No, no, we do, but we just don't know what you mean by it.

Lisa: 1:39:53

That's why oh, I just mean that, like I know, everyone gets what they deserve in the end or whenever it comes to them. That's what you do, but there is hope for people to find something, so meaning there's a realization that somebody Is this hope is being applied towards yourself right now too, like you have hope for yourself.

Eldar: 1:40:11

That's why you're kind of like you're blanketing for everyone else. No, I always have.

Lisa: 1:40:14

Well, not for everyone, well for people.

Eldar: 1:40:17

I would like to believe that everyone can change, and I would like and what's wrong with some people that won't change this lifetime?

Lisa: 1:40:25

That won't change. Nothing's wrong with them, no, but change this lifetime.

Eldar: 1:40:27

That won't change. Nothing's wrong with them, no, but you're making a judgment call, right? Are you placing like kind of like hey, like I prefer this for the humanity versus this?

Toliy: 1:40:33

yeah, like it would be a good thing for them to change versus not.

Lisa: 1:40:36

Well, if no, if they want to change, it's a good thing, or if they don't, if anything. People are like I don't like putting people in boxes. If you want to do you, you rocky, you're fine with who you are. You love who you are, that's fine. If you don't, if you want to change or you're seeking change, that's what I'm saying that there's a hope for that person, like there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Eldar: 1:40:56

If you're in darkness or going through darkness, but if you believe that everything is justified and what they're going through is actually what they've earned, uh, why? Why attach hope towards that?

Lisa: 1:41:05

I don't understand mean just for a brighter future, or like a brighter time, or for love to find love.

Mike: 1:41:10

Those people might not be deserving of what you're wishing for them.

Joe: 1:41:13

I think it's just a positive way of thinking? Oh, I'm not sure. Positive thinking.

Eldar: 1:41:17

Well, why? I mean maybe unrealistic.

Mike: 1:41:19

It's a dangerous word. It's a dangerous word, sure, I think, hoping removes logic.

Toliy: 1:41:25

I think is the issue with that.

Mike: 1:41:28

Hope is a very magical thing. She's not okay with that.

Lisa: 1:41:32

Wait, what did you say?

Toliy: 1:41:34

I think that hoping removes logic and probably thinking. If you have logic and thinking, then I think that those people there wouldn't be a need to like, hope, like for anybody, for example, to hope, or those people to potentially get something good, because logic and thinking and like truth and justice is going to prevail, no matter what that. That. That that's like a radio wave that no one here has any control over.

Eldar: 1:42:09

It's like. The reality is the way it is because it's supposed to be this way. Yes, because there's laws. Yes, like gravity right.

Lisa: 1:42:15

Right.

Eldar: 1:42:16

You and me know kind of like the consensus like this thing is going to fall every time I do this right, you don't need to hope for it to fall or not fall, but then you can hope to get up, Like not the phone, not the inanimate object, but you can hope like all right, I'm in a dark place right now.

Lisa: 1:42:30

Right, my, and I get the logic and I get. What did you say the other word? You said logic and reason.

Lisa: 1:42:38

Yeah, so I get that. But for being in a dark place, right, there has to be something better, and this is where hope comes in, right? So you're hoping that there's something better. There's light outside, there's whatever outside. Whatever you're seeking or whatever you're looking for, that's outside there, right? So I think that starts with hope. Then, where logic comes in is when you take the first step, like do I take this step to the light, do I get up? And so that's where I'm coming from, with hope.

Toliy: 1:43:04

No, but are you saying?

Lisa: 1:43:13

like the way that I'm understanding that you're using hope, like in that example, is that you're hoping.

Toliy: 1:43:16

are you hoping for yourself or you're hoping for others? I'll stick to myself. Okay, I think that I don't think that you'll need to hope, right, If you, for example, use logic and reason?

Lisa: 1:43:33

because then, like, um, like, it all makes sense, right, like, correct. Well, you have to get to logic, don't you have to get the thing is just saying that at the moment, she's blind completely right right so maybe it's not hope, maybe it's faith, yeah well, faith comes from that, though, all of those things. So what's the difference?

Eldar: 1:43:44

between faith and hope. How do you define, redefine?

Lisa: 1:43:47

faith is just taking the first step without knowing what's there.

Eldar: 1:43:50

And hope.

Lisa: 1:43:52

I hope for me, or how it's sounding now that I'm saying it out loud sounds more like a wish or a dream.

Mike: 1:43:58

Yeah, hope. To me it sounds like a very magical thing, and it's almost out of our control.

Speaker 6: 1:44:03

I would rather prefer to use the word want you know like I want to improve my life.

Mike: 1:44:11

Not that I hope to improve my life. I want is like I have the power, I'm empowered and I want to make a change and I will make a change. I hope it's like oh, I hope it rains tomorrow.

Lisa: 1:44:22

Yeah but that's the thing you hope it rains tomorrow. But then if the want aspect of that, if you hope it's raining tomorrow, I'm going to bring an umbrella Because I'm hoping that it's raining.

Mike: 1:44:34

No, I'm just saying you can't wish for something for yourself. You can't hope for something for yourself because it takes away your power. Instead of saying I want this for myself or I want to figure it out, it's like saying I want to, I have a desire and I want it. I'm going to go out there and find it.

Eldar: 1:44:50

versus hope, it's more like you hoping that it's maybe one day something somebody will bring it to me.

Toliy: 1:44:55

Yeah, I think I have a good way of explaining it. I think if you want something, it challenges you back. If you hope for something, it does not challenge you back.

Joe: 1:45:05

It's in the clouds.

Toliy: 1:45:08

If you, for example, want to improve, you actually want to improve or you want to do something.

Lisa: 1:45:14

But how do you get to the want part? How do you reach to the want part?

Toliy: 1:45:17

Well, I think that's you have to abandon the hope. Yeah, you have to abandon the hope, if you hope for something. Yeah, if you want something, we're going not. Yeah, 100. Yeah, if you want some something, we're gonna see right, but if you hope for something, we're never gonna see yeah it's like it, doesn't it? It like it's like you're throwing something out there and it does. It doesn't. Challenge you back where, if you want something, we're gonna see you whether or not you're lying to yourself or not.

Lisa: 1:45:45

So you're saying want is action.

Eldar: 1:45:47

Yes, yeah and hope hope removes your responsibility and accountability to yourself. Yes, yes, Want is actually like okay, let's see. Like he says, like let's see. Let's see if you bought that life Right Right.

Lisa: 1:45:59

So okay. So it has to start somewhere. So I think the want is a second part of it, where that's like all right, for example, I want to be a basketball player, that's my hope, that's my dream to be a basketball player, right. So the want comes in. I'm getting up every day, I'm practicing, I'm shooting. I'm not, I'm shooting a hundred hoops before I'm taking practice shots. A hundred, that's the one, that's the action towards it. So does that explain hope better?

Toliy: 1:46:26

Cause it has to start somewhere.

Lisa: 1:46:27

It doesn't start at want.

Toliy: 1:46:29

Yeah, I think maybe an example is like, for example, like if you know sales, right, and I don't know anything about sales, and I come to you and I say, lisa, I want to learn about sales. I make that statement to you, right, and you're like, okay, you know, here's where we're going to start, here's the first step. And I'm not listening to you and I'm not following those steps and I'm not doing kind of what we discussed Then he didn't really want it. Do I want to learn sales?

Lisa: 1:46:57

No, because then he didn't really want it.

Toliy: 1:46:59

We're going to see. Now, if I say just, I hope to learn sales, to me it's an open-ended thing that doesn't have a return back okay we're like we're not gonna find out. We're, we're, we're just gonna like if it happens?

Eldar: 1:47:14

if it happens, it happens, it's a defeating yeah, you're coming from I.

Lisa: 1:47:22

I kind of get where you guys are coming from with the word hope is like, oh, people just say and take no action, yeah, so no, no, no, they're not responsible for action. Yes, but because you're just dreaming, some people will.

Eldar: 1:47:32

Yeah, Some people will progress, like you said, from hope maybe to then a want Right Right Through, probably reasoning through logic or whatever. Slowly they'll find me. My mom would grab it one day.

Toliy: 1:47:53

I hope things are better in the world one day. They say that, but they're not. They don't empower them in a position to affect any of that by saying that no, I get it.

Lisa: 1:48:06

She can make her spear better. Can I put?

Joe: 1:48:10

up a like a situation is hope and and want right, we're saying hope and want those two things. Yeah, so is that like if, if we do mind and ways right, like change your mind, you could change your ways? Can't you say, like hope is the mind aspect, like I wish for this, I hope for this, and then you could develop it?

Eldar: 1:48:34

into your ways. I don't think there's a connection between hope and want.

Toliy: 1:48:41

Hope is a non-existent thing. It's a non-existent thing that's inspiration.

Lisa: 1:48:49

No, no, no, I think it's just a feeling for the moment.

Eldar: 1:48:52

So I said this being desperate.

Joe: 1:48:54

So if I said I hope that I could you know, find love, I'm telling you that's a very small moment in time that doesn't exist.

Eldar: 1:49:02

It has ties to anything in reality.

Toliy: 1:49:04

There's no logic or sense or anything behind it. Yeah, but that comes out.

Lisa: 1:49:08

But that doesn't so. That's so the inspiration of that right that pulls up inspiration, the hope. You guys don't like the word hope. All right, inspiration. And then you have to take the action right you're saying that hope births inspiration.

Joe: 1:49:23

It triggers the action like the chain.

Lisa: 1:49:25

No, it doesn't birth inspiration. I think get rid of the word hope. Ok let's, let's even inspiration.

Toliy: 1:49:32

I think they're very like for the individual who's hoping. It's a very like being in a position where you hope. I think it's a very powerless position. Right, we established that.

Lisa: 1:49:43

Yeah, you're in the darkness that we got, but from that from. So how's that good? It's not good. I never said it was good, but I you did say.

Joe: 1:49:55

You did say yeah, I did so.

Eldar: 1:49:56

So what I'm saying is that like you and you obviously associate not being a good thing that you do this for people what no, I so I wait, go again, say it so I'm saying, like you, being hopeful for people. Society makes you a good person or a bad person oh no, it doesn't.

Lisa: 1:50:11

I don't. It doesn't make me a good person or a bad person, I'm just a person I.

Eldar: 1:50:16

It's not. It's not like I want to know what your association is.

Toliy: 1:50:19

So if I, said, I hope for people to fail or not figure it out. Am I a bad person and not figure it out? Why would you hope for that? Hey, that was sweet Lisa. I set the trap.

Lisa: 1:50:35

Yeah, but why?

Speaker 6: 1:50:36

would you hope for that? Yeah, no, it's more. You hope for that?

Lisa: 1:50:39

Yeah, no, it's more like for what I'm saying. It's more like it starts, it ignites something. It starts something.

Toliy: 1:50:47

I don't think it actually does.

Mike: 1:50:48

The ignition, it's very it's again, it's also it's again. It's a very dangerous thing Because a lot of times people say like, oh yeah, I I'm gonna start a business and that's the ignition of something, but then they never actually go and they start that business. Or they say I'm gonna get in shape but they never start going to the gym. Putting that thought out, it takes away like 90 of your actual responsibility to actually follow anything up, because you already put it out into the world, you already told a bunch of people and it takes away that like make it into reality so much more. So what if you don't tell anyone? What if you say it?

Joe: 1:51:24

into your own head. What if you just try to manifest?

Mike: 1:51:27

it yourself, the fakers. They always manifest it out loud.

Joe: 1:51:30

We're not talking about outwardly projecting our hopes. We're just saying like, if we mentally think about hopes, wishes, inspirations, aspirations, if we mentally think about hopes, wishes, inspirations, aspirations, if we mentally start the the formation of a thought, and then that triggers you to propel and act on that thought, isn't that the same what?

Toliy: 1:51:48

she's trying to say. I don't think it's ever hoping like.

Lisa: 1:51:50

It would be like what is the beef with the word hope? Why do you guys not well?

Toliy: 1:51:54

it's. It's not about the like I I mean, look, anyone who wants to hope, I have no problem with it, right. But to to me, when I think about like, it would be, for example, like if joe said like hey, I hope I um, like, um, I hope for like, like, if there's something that joe's competent and he can teach his son it for, for example, or like, help him with it. If you use the word hope, it would be me showing that he is not empowered enough to take those actions and to do those things. It would be him almost not believing in himself to do that.

Toliy: 1:52:26

Where, if he actually had it, if he actually had the goods, joe's not going to hope for his pizza to come out good. He knows exactly what to do. He knows exactly what logical steps that make sense to take to make it be good's right. He knows exactly what to do. He knows exactly what logical steps that make sense to take to make it be good. And if he's in a position where he has to hope hope for something then to me it's like a crapshoot. More, it's like a okay, where's the confidence?

Lisa: 1:52:48

right?

Eldar: 1:52:49

the whole, leaving the hope, there's no confidence right logical uh equation of one plus one equals two right joel's pizza, and the way he does it gives him the confidence to know, hey guys you guys are going to enjoy yourselves because you've enjoyed it before, and I'm about to do the same thing. Just like me and you, we don't hope that this falls when I let go of my fingers. It's going to fall Me and you both know that it will fall Joe hoping for it. We share that experience confidently, independently, right.

Lisa: 1:53:17

So you're using the word confident, so just get back to it when you're in a dark place. You're not confident, you have no, you're just there.

Toliy: 1:53:27

Which I think is why you have to hope.

Lisa: 1:53:29

Exactly so. That's what I'm saying.

Eldar: 1:53:31

Because of the fact that you already got it wrong.

Lisa: 1:53:33

Yeah, how. But you just said, this is why you have to hope. So when you're there and you get, that hope but then now you start to move towards the want.

Joe: 1:53:43

You only allow hope during rock bottom.

Eldar: 1:53:46

Well, that's the thing. Yeah, Think about it, it would be like you cooking pizza.

Toliy: 1:53:54

You're cooking in an oven that just goes randomly without your control, from 100 to 1,000 degrees.

Eldar: 1:53:57

Yeah, yo, I hope today it goes to 1000, because that's what I needed for two minutes, then you could say confidently and I would accept it that, like you, would hope that the pizza comes out good.

Toliy: 1:54:07

But, then I would say that, joe, if that's what you're saying, you're an idiot, right, because you're operating, you're, you're, you're, you're wanting, you're, you're, you're putting your eggs in the oven basket that is bouncing from 100 degrees to 1,000 degrees at random points, without any control.

Eldar: 1:54:23

Yeah.

Toliy: 1:54:23

Right. So the hoper in that moment is probably an idiot.

Joe: 1:54:28

I understand.

Toliy: 1:54:29

I think, rightfully so.

Joe: 1:54:31

Because you know that that's the wrong process or steps to do. You're in the know already, so obviously you're not going to do that well think about.

Eldar: 1:54:40

That's why. That's why that's why we're saying that we're trying to abolish hope here for individuals that are hoping okay, I think the hope.

Joe: 1:54:48

But for the people that don't know right like you're, you hit rock bottom. Yeah, you don't know shit because you're at rock bottom. Yeah, like so. So you're not going to be making wrong decisions when you know the right one. Right, that's for the most part. That's what people don't have a problem with right. People do go off of the right path when they know what's wrong, and they do that. Sure that happens. But when you're not in the position to know what's right and you're looking for that guidance or that drive, education or knowledge, you're at the stage of hope.

Mike: 1:55:30

No.

Joe: 1:55:31

That's rock bottom.

Speaker 6: 1:55:33

Where else are you going to get it? No, it's not. You know why.

Mike: 1:55:36

Because when you say I hope you're making a statement. When you say I hope you're making a statement when you say I want, you're asking to ask more questions. I want to find out how to do this. Who's?

Eldar: 1:55:45

hoping Not that I hope this will happen. Correct who's hoping? Right, that hoper is still hoping.

Mike: 1:55:51

Versus the wanting. It's like it leaves you with more questions why the fuck am I at the rock bottom? What am I doing wrong? What have I been doing wrong? I want to fall in love. What the fuck? Why isn't it happening to me? For example, I hope to fall in love. You're making a statement I want to fall in love. Okay, how the fuck do I get there? Not, I hope I'll fall in love.

Eldar: 1:56:13

Hope is like a crapshoot. I hope that pizza oven fucking.

Joe: 1:56:17

Or if I say I want this pizza oven to work correctly, so my pizza will come out right.

Eldar: 1:56:23

What are you going to do, Joe? You'll do whatever it takes to control the fire.

Mike: 1:56:26

You'll find out to control it. You will do it. I understand the difference between the two terms, oh you really want to, Joe.

Eldar: 1:56:33

How come you're not dialing it in? How come you're not dialing it in? How come you're not doing this or doing that? How come you're not looking? How come you're?

Lisa: 1:56:38

not opening it.

Joe: 1:56:39

You know, testing it. So we're going to ask you that's because that's more of an action. Are you about that life? And it's tangible to apply a thought rather than just having a thought.

Lisa: 1:56:48

So it's not a thought just out there.

Mike: 1:57:02

So you guys don't like hope because there's a couple of things. Yeah, it's a couple of things, but yeah, yeah. So what are the couple of things? That's what I well, number one has answered. One is a lack of empowerment. Yeah, by hoping. Yeah, it's a. It's you saying that I don't have control of this, but I hope that I'm gonna get what I want, okay you know, which is a defeating kind of mindset.

Toliy: 1:57:13

Already what I want hoping is very bad, I think, because it puts you in a position where you don't need to learn.

Eldar: 1:57:21

Yeah, no, oh shit, and that's an arrogance play, bro.

Toliy: 1:57:25

It's a very arrogance play, yeah, because the hoper is never going to be the humble learner ever. Wow.

Lisa: 1:57:32

That's bad, I'm sorry. I don't agree, even if it sounds like I don't agree, because I think when you're hoping for something, you're going to take the action, hopefully, hopefully, one day. So if it's the one day thing, if it's the delay, thing that we don't like with it, but it has to come.

Eldar: 1:57:50

Let's call for what it is Then hoping is just stalling.

Lisa: 1:57:53

Exactly. You're procrastinating, you're stalling.

Eldar: 1:57:55

That's it. We agree with this. That's why we don't like that. What we don't disagree with, but then you're eventually good again.

Lisa: 1:58:02

One day you will take the step, no matter how long you take it, no matter when you take it, because one day you will but what?

Toliy: 1:58:09

what's what? What can the um um, what abilities does the hoper um have, that the have that can't put himself in a position at that moment to be a learner?

Lisa: 1:58:24

They'll have to first get out of that darkness.

Toliy: 1:58:28

But why can they make the hope play to begin with? Why is the hoper hoping.

Lisa: 1:58:35

They're hoping because they're in darkness, they will take the learner perspective right. Why don't they have the ability to hope?

Joe: 1:58:38

They're hoping because they're in darkness, so they're not in faith.

Lisa: 1:58:40

Sorry, they will take the learner perspective right. They'll become a learner because then they have the dream, they have the goal. Now they're ready to take action.

Toliy: 1:58:48

No, no but wait. The person in darkness has no hope.

Lisa: 1:58:52

Yeah, you hope to get out of it.

Eldar: 1:58:54

You're talking about different moments in time. I think.

Toliy: 1:59:05

Yeah, you're talking about different moments in time. I think, yeah, you're not gonna get out to me. The person in actual darkness has no hope. The person that that if you want to call it sees a little bit of light or maybe has a little hope, I think he's. He's using his energy towards hope versus being humble and learning I can't learn.

Lisa: 1:59:14

I think you can't learn when you're at, you're not learning.

Toliy: 1:59:17

But you're not in darkness, if you can hope.

Eldar: 1:59:19

Those are two drastic different positions to be in it is true, because it's such a far gap yeah, there is a big gap between you, know so.

Joe: 1:59:25

I mean yeah, what are we arguing?

Eldar: 1:59:29

we're arguing at the time that there's a I think we're arguing a timeline between being in the dark yeah, in the dark, yeah and what you're feeling in the dark and hope, then transitioning to hope, having some kind of hope how'd you get there?

Toliy: 1:59:42

okay, there has to be some level of light. Did you cry out? Did?

Eldar: 1:59:45

you cry out your eyes right like did you do all this time? Pass you, you know you so hope shouldn't exist.

Joe: 1:59:50

Once you're out of the darkness and you're you're fully capable, you shouldn't be hoping anymore well, that's the thing like.

Eldar: 1:59:55

Then it almost becomes like do you take the action? And of a humble learner to learn, yeah, or are you just fucking sitting in the hope?

Toliy: 2:00:02

yeah, where it's like the hoper doesn't want to be humble, so they hope okay, yeah, it's stalling, right it's stalling.

Eldar: 2:00:10

And then, uh, lisa saying that dreamer then it translates into action, which, yes, it sometimes does, but plenty of people, I think, use hope as to a very defeating mindset.

Joe: 2:00:20

Just a crutch of like you shouldn't stick on hope for that long, or?

Toliy: 2:00:26

yeah, to me hope is like a chance.

Lisa: 2:00:31

I do hope for people why?

Mike: 2:00:33

because she might not respect that people are where they're supposed to be. That's right, because maybe she internally is also not content where she is. Yeah.

Lisa: 2:00:44

Are you speaking for me and I'm sitting right here In the third person. We do this really well. We do this really well.

Joe: 2:00:50

Confirm or deny that? That's my theory.

Mike: 2:00:54

I'm not a fortune teller.

Eldar: 2:00:55

We like to speak for other people, just FYI. What's happening here, lisa? After a long time, after a while. I'm telling you right now what we do really well. It's called mind reading. Okay, and we read minds really well because we pay attention really closely. So trust me when I say that whatever he's going to say, it's exactly what you're feeling and thinking.

Lisa: 2:01:14

Go ahead, mike this is how we oppress women here. Mike is now Lisa Go ahead Do you confirm?

Joe: 2:01:22

or deny the statement you just made.

Mike: 2:01:24

What I just said.

Joe: 2:01:25

No, what you just made for Lisa, do you confirm?

Mike: 2:01:28

or deny. That's actually how she feels.

Joe: 2:01:30

That's how she feels, lisa. No, I don't feel like that.

Lisa: 2:01:33

I feel like meeting people where they're at. I like to meet people where they're at. I hope that they eventually will get out of whatever situation they're not happy with or they're happy with, they're fine and they're living. That I don't put myself on the table.

Eldar: 2:01:48

I'm sorry, lisa, I'm going to call it for what it is. If you're meeting other people and you hope that you don't get out of the situation, I think that's lazy For the person.

Lisa: 2:02:00

what you're doing to that, yeah, what you're doing on their behalf is you being lazy to them.

Eldar: 2:02:02

So then we should just not care about people. No.

Joe: 2:02:04

Enabling laziness yes.

Toliy: 2:02:06

Oh, no, no no. I, I view it no of like, like. If I have to like, say that, like okay, like no, no, I guess I hope that Joe gets it one day. Yeah, I would be. In my world if I were to say that yeah, in my world I'm calling joe an idiot

Mike: 2:02:23

that's right. A hundred percent, a hundred percent, like a hundred percent. You gotta get lucky, let me explain this, yeah, let me explain it.

Eldar: 2:02:30

Let me explain it right it's almost to say right you guys are fun, by the way oh, thank you, yeah, um, to say, right, you guys are fun, by the way.

Eldar: 2:02:43

Oh, thank you, yeah, um. To hope something for someone is so not understand the situation and its totality, right, yeah? Because you're like, oh, I've heard them out, right, what you did was you actually heard their bullshit out, right? What they put on you was like I've tried everything. You're like, oh, fuck, yeah, they did try everything. You know, you agreed with them, you know what I mean. And then you're like you're a 10, yeah yeah, you're a bad bitch.

Eldar: 2:03:02

You know, like yo, you deserve everything. You deserve love and all the stuff, right? You said all those things, you confirmed their fucking delusion and you're in it now too, right. And then you're like, well, I still hope for them, you know, because there's no answers, right? If you ask enough questions, if you really found out what this person is about you quickly, like yo, you don't deserve love. I don't hope this for you. You can't not hope this for you because I cannot hope anything for you, because I realize that actually, based on the person that you are, you're not compatible of having love, for example, or having this or having that. You're actually an idiot. But it's very hard to do that and actually point that out to the individual. That's why the whole play is a very it's a very pc play yes, very sad.

Lisa: 2:03:41

What if?

Joe: 2:03:41

you said. I hope they change for the better, I hope they learn no, that means.

Eldar: 2:03:45

That means you don't understand the situation. Yeah, you don't understand what situation you're like yo.

Lisa: 2:03:49

So can I? Can I see if I understand what you're saying? Yeah do you all right if I come to you and joey spoke highly of you in terms of how you guys speak and how you affirm him in certain things.

Toliy: 2:04:03

But we pay Joe a lot of money.

Lisa: 2:04:06

Apparently because I'm here. But are you saying, if a friend comes to you and they're being honest and they're pouring their heart out telling you about a specific situation, you're not going to say to them hey, what do you need now? Do you need me to listen to you, or do you need answers right now? Or do you need help and then do you just like listen and then they go away, or do you go? All right? Hey, I heard what you said.

Eldar: 2:04:32

And I hope that you do better.

Lisa: 2:04:36

No, I heard what you said, but here are some solutions and then I hope that you take action on this, no doubt.

Mike: 2:04:44

Yeah, the thing is that statement. In a way, it's like you want to play God there by saying I hope that you get this.

Lisa: 2:04:50

No, you're not going to say that you hope that You're just like all right, this is what I'm going to figure out.

Eldar: 2:04:53

I don't come out of these kind of situations, Lisa, and I hope for anything you I don't come out of these kind of situations, Lisa, and I hope for anything.

Lisa: 2:04:58

You know what I mean. You just leave the advice.

Eldar: 2:04:59

No, no, no. I'll most likely say like this is it, this, is it?

Toliy: 2:05:02

Based on the totality of who you are as a person, you might or might not take this, and you're definitely not going to ask them if they want to just be heard or give them answers yeah, like the sick, what's the next steps for learning or what's or what's out to to the master at that time? Right, so if you're coming, for example, with an issue to somebody, right. If, if you want to it, like in, like, the right scenario in that, in that perspective, is for you to be a good student, right, right, like it's, it's. People say, but I'm a visual learner, or like I'm this or I'm that, right, it's, it's um. The right play there is to listen to what the, the um master in that moment is going to say, and the master in that moment is definitely not going to say what do you want me to?

Lisa: 2:05:47

so there's no room for venting there? There's no, what room for venting?

Eldar: 2:05:52

venting is a, it's just delay. No, no I I it's delay.

Toliy: 2:05:56

I think it's completely Because we're not getting anywhere.

Joe: 2:05:58

You're just venting. No, we're laying stuff out, but at the end of the day, lay it out for you to look at it, talk about it and then but at the end of the day, we have to ask the hard questions.

Eldar: 2:06:07

Yeah, but your venting is going to go so far. Right, you talking about the real stuff, the meat and potatoes, but isn't that and there's no hope in that, but isn't that an important step?

Joe: 2:06:22

For some it is. If that's where they're at, you need something to throw out there and look at and throw it at the wall.

Eldar: 2:06:29

For some it is. Let's draw it out, but most of it is nonsense Most of the time that you're venting my opinion is you're complaining, right, but you're complaining about stuff that you're probably wrong about.

Mike: 2:06:41

That's right, sure.

Joe: 2:06:42

You need to learn that you're wrong.

Toliy: 2:06:45

But the way you're complaining if you pay attention to how these motherfuckers are venting.

Eldar: 2:06:48

You know what I'm saying? They're all the good guys, right they're?

Lisa: 2:06:51

the good people Like yo, what the fuck.

Eldar: 2:06:53

He cheated on me. He did this to me. He violated here. There You're not like.

Mike: 2:06:59

You know what I was? A real piece of shit.

Toliy: 2:07:01

You don't do that most of the time. No, but venting is good. I think it's an opportunity To a good teacher or a good master it just gives them more content to discuss way more points at particular times. Venting. You're going to expose yourself Exactly.

Eldar: 2:07:17

You need to put it out there and then the master is gonna be like okay right, that's a dynamic and relationship that you're having. This is very good. This is a therapist and uh, what's the name?

Eldar: 2:07:26

uh, you know a person who's getting therapy yeah, I think it's completely fine slowly, right you come in, you develop trust, you slowly start opening up a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, at the end of the day, all the nonsense that you're gonna spill out out to the therapist. You're a fucking idiot based on how you're living. That's why your life is the way it is. You're fucked up because you're an idiot. Right, and they have to do it in a nice, cordial way to tell you that you're an idiot and that you ought to try different methods. That's all idiot. To start trusting they have to do techniques like venting, non-judgmental approach and all this other crap, right, we just expedite the process and we tell you yo, my man, you're an idiot.

Toliy: 2:08:05

In society. You need to do this because in society you don't have, like what Lisa said earlier on, people don't like the truth. So the therapist is going to give you a very little crumb portion. They're going to give you a crouton here and there of throwing at your head. They're not going to take the whole loaf of bread and smack you with it. You know.

Lisa: 2:08:24

Because they want more money. Well, no, no, no, no no, no, not even that they necessarily want more money, but because it's exactly what you said early on Well, yeah, if you hit me with a bread ahead, I'm not going to come back. You just give me all the answers, but if you keep spoon feeding me, I'm going to come back.

Toliy: 2:08:40

It's an effective play your ego can only take so much and retain so much it's what you said early on, that people cannot take the truth. The teacher cannot just tell you everything right away in the way that society and people are used to and set up in our environment. More we're going to take that loaf and smack you with the head head over it. It's going to be painful, more I think in that moment. But I think that, like over time you build thicker skin and like you can take a few more smacks before you get, because then you get.

Eldar: 2:09:12

You come to realize. The truth of the matter is that we're not here after to try to get you. We actually here try to understand. The truth of the matter is that we're not here after to try to get you. We're actually here to try to understand the truth of the matter yeah.

Eldar: 2:09:19

And if we all can dial in and find out that we actually are after the truth, which is gravity, right, we understand together that yo guys, we all think that this phone is going to fall. Every single time, we feel comfortable and confident about this situation. When truths same thing, right, we get on the same point, and then we that's our benchmark or that's our ruler that we go off of that, this how things work, and no longer do we hope for shit to happen. We make shit happen, okay, and that is where we are empowered to be the gods.

Joe: 2:09:50

I think that we were supposed to be okay so she hopes for the best of people my problem is that why?

Eldar: 2:09:57

right? Okay, it's because she's not understanding the actual situation. Those people are actually exactly where they're supposed to be, and she should be hoping for them. If they're destined to die, she should be hoping for them to die.

Joe: 2:10:07

Okay, no, but Hold on, I'm giving you a real black and white.

Eldar: 2:10:12

I understand. Let me just lay this out.

Joe: 2:10:20

So instead of of, let's say, hoping for the people she sees an individual she's hoping for injustice, let's just say she hopes. Instead of saying I hope this person gets better, she could maybe address that person, and instead of just, you know, hoping they change, give them the the knowledge. Right in your situation, your philosophy teacher, yeah, you had the room full of people sleeping and people listening and you know you brought up the point where, like, don't you know, don't you want everyone to hear this, and you know, and he went to you and said I just hope one person can process it and it will expand out even more because, your, your analogy of all the people that are suffering.

Joe: 2:10:58

They're meant to suffer and you can't address each person because it will just take forever, and that's the way it's going to be and this is how it should end up. But he changed one person to change more people, and that was his desire or hope that it will ripple.

Eldar: 2:11:15

I'm not sure if it was so, but I think that he understood the process of how it works. What I'm saying is that he didn't hope for that. He understood that. Oh look, this guy's not receptive.

Toliy: 2:11:23

He said if I can just do that. If he said I hope for one day my students to wake up and listen to me then I'll be like okay, I got you.

Eldar: 2:11:33

You know what I mean? No, he said no, no, no, no, no, no. This is the process. Leave him alone. You know what I mean. If you pay attention, great. If he's not paying attention, that's okay, Because he's where he's at and you're where you're at, and I respect the process.

Joe: 2:11:44

I'm not hoping for shit. So then it's not wrong in this sense to say, Well, I think it's very naive, they'll get it.

Toliy: 2:12:01

I think the only thing that you can hope for. That's right, doesn't need to be hoped for and it's paradoxical, I think, in that sense, to me, the only valid hope is the hope for justice. But you don't need to hope for justice to happen. That's right, it happens.

Eldar: 2:12:15

Because gravity is gravity.

Toliy: 2:12:16

Yes, you know what I'm saying.

Eldar: 2:12:17

If you actually believe in God, let's just say right. And you design this shit in such a way where this shit fucking works. You think you fucked this shit up or no? Honestly, all knowing all good, all righteous right, all the good stuff that God is, you think you fucked this shit up?

Toliy: 2:12:31

He just made a world where he's gonna be up top just laughing at everybody.

Eldar: 2:12:34

He's going to say one day one day this is drops and one day it fucking floats up. No, You're out oven right, yeah, no this shit is fucking perfect Now you motherfuckers might not fit in properly. That's why you suffer. Figure out my system Right. Get closer to me, You'll be happy.

Toliy: 2:12:50

Hence love and everything else. Yeah, it's love it, it's truth, right it's peace, it's confidence. All the fucking shit, all the virtues the stronger connections you have to those kinds of things, the more things will make sense, I think, in your life. The further away you are from all those things, probably the more confused or arrogant or position of suffering that you'll be in. To hope is to this God, so basically I'm very curious, sorry, lisa.

Joe: 2:13:18

Position of suffering that you'll be in To hope is to this God. So basically, I'm very curious, sorry.

Toliy: 2:13:22

School's told me one thing for a long time there's no hope in dope.

Joe: 2:13:28

So tonight after we eat, we're going to watch the notebook and we're going to see a totally different version of what we thought. Potentially, yeah, we're going to be able to see it through a different lens.

Eldar: 2:13:39

You see that this motherfucker manifested everything through his fucking power, that he believed in himself, that he knew she's coming back Fucking Ryan Gosling. Yeah, you know what I mean? He still built that house. Just a Canadian guy he still built that house. He didn't give a fuck. You know what I'm saying. He went crazy building the house.

Lisa: 2:13:56

Yeah.

Toliy: 2:13:56

Yeah, but that was that he stood on it and he wouldn't sell it for all the money in town. No matter how much those rich people came.

Eldar: 2:14:03

And yeah.

Toliy: 2:14:04

Hold out the shot. He didn't fucking sell out.

Eldar: 2:14:06

Yeah.

Joe: 2:14:07

He didn't sell out the mass bag.

Toliy: 2:14:09

Yeah.

Eldar: 2:14:09

Yeah. So, guys, we said a lot. Did we learn anything? Does it help with clarifying what the fuck do we need to do to fall in love? Why do we need to do it? Should we do it? Is everything supposed to be the way it is, you know like is everything in its right?

Joe: 2:14:29

places. I think the most important thing takeaway was you know, early on Mike brought up the fact that you break up with yourself and you brought it up, yeah.

Eldar: 2:14:39

Well, you brought it up. Well, I brought it up, but you pointed it out, yeah, and then I thought it was Alana.

Joe: 2:14:45

I'm like well, I finally met someone.

Lisa: 2:14:47

No, you met yourself bro, I met myself, you met yourself, yeah, so walking away from this whole topic of conversation.

Joe: 2:14:52

if anyone could take anything from it is fire yourself and then meet your new self, and then you'll start your journey.

Toliy: 2:15:00

Yeah, I think that you liked Alana because you liked yourself in Alana. Yeah, that too, but I also think that Wait, wait, wait. Let me expand on that real quick. For people who don't get this shit, you know what.

Lisa: 2:15:12

I'm saying there's no video capture. Listen, I'm going to tell you this right now.

Eldar: 2:15:15

This is how love works and, Lisa, if you're looking for it, let me give you. This is the cliff notes, or the shortcut to it. Okay, If you like yourself around the other person, the way you bouncing off the other person, this is an indicator that something might be good. You know what I'm saying. If you don't, if you're tippy-toeing and all this other shit, whatever, that means it's not good. Most likely you have to be confident. Most likely you have to be smiling a lot. You know, humor is a very good indicator and all those things. If you're receiving that back from that individual, that means something. There might be chemistry.

Joe: 2:15:49

So what did I say to you about her? My description? I said she's a very fun, energetic.

Eldar: 2:15:55

You said she's a Jehovah Witness.

Joe: 2:15:56

I said well, I said I was like oh shoot, we got a strict one.

Eldar: 2:16:00

I said she's also religious.

Joe: 2:16:01

This is part of her. But I said, this is a girl I feel like deserves to be in such a good relationship, but she's not in one. I'm like.

Speaker 6: 2:16:08

I feel like we can have a great. I love the word deserve. It's in the rid of it.

Joe: 2:16:15

It's confusing to meet someone. That's why I said, bring it in, it's confusing to meet someone who's you know so likable, so fun, so you know like enjoyable to be around. And then you know we have these conversations about you know your relationships, and it's just it's not hitting home and I'm like how is a person like you, high value, not get it?

Lisa: 2:16:37

But it's not hitting home and the answer to that is because I wasn't myself okay, and it's all the things that you said, all the relationships I've been in and people pleasing and wanting to be, become what that person wanted, not who I am. So that's why it's not hitting home why did?

Eldar: 2:16:56

why did Lisa not sell herself on Lisa?

Mike: 2:16:59

I heard Lisa's a salesperson because of hope oh again.

Eldar: 2:17:05

Lisa just spoke for.

Toliy: 2:17:06

Lisa.

Eldar: 2:17:06

Lisa. Just spoke for Lisa by the way.

Mike: 2:17:09

There's two Lisa's. There's two Lisa's there's two Lisa's in the room there's the one who's gonna be honest and the one who's gonna be. Oh, oh shit. Yo two leasers in the room. There's the one who's going to be honest and the one who's going to be. Oh shit.

Eldar: 2:17:22

Oh shit, oh shit, Wow.

Mike: 2:17:26

I got you.

Eldar: 2:17:27

Lisa, you didn't think that this was going to happen, right?

Lisa: 2:17:30

No but, to be honest, why it didn't happen or why you made me laugh. Mark, you have to answer that because you made me laugh.

Lisa: 2:17:44

But it's not no, it's because I was caving to becoming who somebody else wanted me to be and not who I am. I would go in a relationship and be like, oh, he wants this type of girl, let me become this type of girl. Oh, you're not this, then you become. So I lost myself in that and then by losing yourself, like out of my last, last relationship. So, by the way, I was engaged and it ended um planning and that's very sad, uh what's that?

Lisa: 2:18:07

just like planning something and getting to the goal that you think you're gonna accomplish I thought you would be happy, ecstatic about it well, now I am okay, because it had to be, but in the moment, very sad it was very sad in that moment.

Eldar: 2:18:19

Okay in that moment, because it's something you hope for. For that person who was in that moment yes, exactly For who I was. For the Lisa that we know now she's like yo.

Lisa: 2:18:25

For the Lisa that I know now I'm like thank God.

Eldar: 2:18:27

Yeah, okay, good.

Lisa: 2:18:38

But previously it wasn pressing dating too hard or any of that thing. When I step out of all those relationships that I've been I've been in three really long relationships when I step out and I look over it, I was like you don't enjoy that. Why were you doing that? You, you, you like this. Why were you doing this? And it was all because of who that person wanted. It wasn't because of me. And then you ask what about what happened to me? It was just like I don't know. I just never believed in myself enough. People, a lot of people, believe in me joey has great things to say about my friends but then I didn't believe in who I am an indicator of you being in these relations for a very long time.

Eldar: 2:19:09

That means you're very pain tolerant. Yes, is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Lisa: 2:19:13

it's a bad, thing, all right cool because sounds good, at least we're on the same page here no, no, yeah, okay, and the honest part is well, you can, you when you have people around you saying the same thing, but then you want to prove people wrong. Then your ego gets involved in it. And what you're talking about our egos earlier. Yeah, you don't want to listen to anyone else, you just want to prove them wrong.

Eldar: 2:19:34

That's right, and you want a revenge.

Lisa: 2:19:36

Exactly. And then the takeaway for me actually is what you said when you started from a negative Like my, whole thing was just like being fueled with anger, the whole emotion with relationships. And you're correct, negative emotions only can last a life. It's been lasting forever, right, but it's not sustainable. You got tired? Yeah, exactly.

Eldar: 2:19:57

So it's not sustainable you got tired?

Lisa: 2:19:58

yeah, exactly. So it's not sustainable and you have to stop. You have to one day wake up.

Eldar: 2:20:03

You don't have to.

Lisa: 2:20:04

You're gonna take a long nap and start again next life yeah, exactly, but it's not, it's not, it's not gonna, you're not gonna be happy and you're not gonna be you're not gonna have love. Yeah, because you're going on a revenge tour and you're being negative confirm you confirmed my, my props.

Joe: 2:20:17

Of course you brought it. I'm glad that something came out of it yeah, no, no, no, no, of course.

Joe: 2:20:23

What props well, I said I said you, I said I think you're gonna get something out of, something good out of the conversation. He, you know he laid out the whole thing with the. You know she's talking to me about her past. He brought up the thing about her parents and that anger and all that stuff. And you know I didn't. I was never. I never saw that. He saw it. And then did you ever think about that?

Lisa: 2:20:48

Yeah, I had to talk about that in therapy.

Eldar: 2:20:52

Okay, and then even Well, the more she speaks you got to understand that because we pay attention here, joe and the more you pay attention. If you do a good job at it, you'll find out that she's actually saying a lot. You know what I'm saying. She might be hiding behind, like whatever, but she's saying a lot.

Lisa: 2:21:06

What is this hiding and not honest thing?

Eldar: 2:21:08

I don't like that. What am I?

Mike: 2:21:09

hiding. And why am I not being honest? You're not ready to get hit with the wolf today no Tell me no, well, do you know that the part where you started giving us a real-life example about your relationship and you're like I'm not saying anymore.

Eldar: 2:21:19

There's a hiding part of that. There's a reason why you don't want to say more.

Lisa: 2:21:22

Because you guys jumped on it.

Joe: 2:21:23

No, but he wants you back to come on every Friday. He wants you to keep coming back to the podcast.

Lisa: 2:21:32

This is the whole the by the time.

Joe: 2:21:34

For the record.

Lisa: 2:21:34

For the record.

Joe: 2:21:35

Yeah. So, Lisa number two let's promote.

Eldar: 2:21:38

Yeah, no, tell me, I want to know.

Lisa: 2:21:40

Before we go I'm sorry, I'm not meaning to take over. Because you just said hiding and you said honest, not being honest. So tell me what have I said or what have I not said.

Mike: 2:21:52

Oh shush. The narrative that you painted for yourself is not the truth of what's actually happening. So you're not being dishonest intentionally, it's just you're being dishonest.

Eldar: 2:22:02

You have no choice in the matter.

Mike: 2:22:05

That's why, when you said that comment to Eldar I'm not sharing anymore it's because maybe you didn't think about it, but you actually got caught because you thought you were going to tell us the story and we're like oh, you're right here.

Joe: 2:22:23

We would take your side, but we actually said you were wrong here.

Lisa: 2:22:24

No, no, no, no I, I get that that that that can, yeah, that can definitely perceive that, but it was more like oh, if I'm gonna, if we're gonna jump on all these things.

Toliy: 2:22:35

When we say hiding yeah, right in in. I think in any type of scenario or conversation where we're in a position to improve something right or we don't have something figured out, a portion of all of us is going to be hiding in that moment, right, and I think it's like a symbiotic relationship between the teacher and the student to help the student come out.

Lisa: 2:22:59

You love the teacher and student. I do yeah.

Eldar: 2:23:01

That, that, that, that, that sorry. That dynamic is extremely important. Yeah, and we discussed this many times, Right.

Toliy: 2:23:07

You, you, you, by, for example, saying in that moment like, okay, I'm not. It would be, for example, in that moment, if you were actually looking for help. It would be an example of you being a bad student.

Lisa: 2:23:21

Right.

Toliy: 2:23:22

Because, you're under the impression that what's actually happening is a bad thing and not a good thing. For example, right, and it doesn't always happen. One time I could come to Eldar and I have a long battle with a lot of different things and I can leave many conversations like he's a bad guy, right, or like this, or like I'm not going to share this or that or that, right. But over time I can only come with the same things for so long, up until I can't hide. Like. Up until I make the decision of like, okay, I'm not going to hide anymore.

Joe: 2:23:57

I'm going to be a good student and show my draws right.

Toliy: 2:24:01

And I think that that's what that's, I think, what every good student needs to do if they want to put themselves in a position for change. And that's not like a blanket thing where it's just like, okay, someone either hides or not hides. We are either open and honest, or hide or don't. Don't, don't hide in a bunch of different facets of life. It's not just black and white like you're a hider or you're not no, I just know.

Lisa: 2:24:26

I just want to make sure, uh, ensure that I can't I wasn't like lying or like no hiding who no, not intentionally.

Toliy: 2:24:35

Nobody intentionally does, though.

Lisa: 2:24:36

That that's the thing I just said I'm not going to share anymore because you guys are just like we like expanded so it's just one I can share for me for me to be open with three people that I've never met.

Joe: 2:24:53

It's a lot we're already pushing, we're already talking, we're really good at what we do, really lethal. Joe must have been bad at explaining even though Joe is trying to protect you.

Eldar: 2:25:05

Joe secretly knows that you're in good hands no, you know what I'm saying he wants you to find out for yourself that you are in good hands before he tells you about it.

Lisa: 2:25:13

I trust Joe, so I know that he wouldn't like set you up exactly it wouldn't be like oh we got her so I know I know I I can go off of who he is right but to, even though you're a bad judge of character even though I'm the worst at a character, you might have gotten this one right, which I was, which I was just saying Through hope. Oh shit, yeah what a setup.

Joe: 2:25:42

Yeah, you guys are funny. Would you come for more?

Lisa: 2:25:45

I would come back.

Joe: 2:25:45

Boom.

Eldar: 2:25:46

That's it. Well, we I mean Joe, I've been telling you that shit is irresistible for us. You know what I?

Mike: 2:25:54

mean I was hoping for her to come back this whole time.

Lisa: 2:25:57

Yeah, yeah, I was hoping.

Eldar: 2:26:02

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was hoping. Yeah, I hate you guys, so now I can never use the word hope. No, no, no, no. What we're trying to do is for you to pay attention to the word hope that's it and and see whether or not it does actually mean something. Right, remember, we're trying to get on the same page. We were trying to understand that inches an inch is this much? Right, a centimeter is this much. We want to make sure we have the same rules that we go off of, so that when we speak, we have a clear understanding of what we're talking about. That's it. You know what I mean. So, if we challenge the word hope for you and next time you're like, oh, I hope, let's see what that brings out, you know what I mean.

Eldar: 2:26:28

Maybe you'll come back and say hey guys, situation like, and it's just, it was. I was powerless and I didn't feel good about that. You know, I didn't want to hope anymore. I want to do something about it. If we gave you the umph behind that word hope because we challenged it, that's great. If not, if the way you use the word hope serves you, keep going it. We don't give a fuck. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, that's where we don't have a horse in a race, right?

Eldar: 2:26:53

so if you go, over there into the world and run amok. We're gonna say, well, that's because your makeup equals running amok. Right now you're supposed to you're supposed to sleep. My my teacher said he's supposed to sleep, let him sleep. He's not gonna retain anything when he wakes up anyway but what if that's not for him, though? For who?

Lisa: 2:27:11

for anyone who's sleeping, who's not getting it for now, yeah, you were passionate about philosophy and then somebody else is passionate about something else, so they're gonna get what they're passionate about.

Eldar: 2:27:21

Everyone gets what they're passionate about for that moment, for that moment yeah because every we change right for that moment, yeah, okay yeah, you go, you live out your perceptions, your attachments, whatever it is that you're attached for right. You say, hey, I want to do this. You're gonna go and live that out. It depends how strong that attachment is, up Up until like, oh shit, man, this is exhausting, I can't do this anymore, I don't want to live this out anymore. You're like I want to abandon that. And then you change and you come up with something else and now you're doing yoga you know what I mean For a very long time, or whatever. And then yoga doesn't work anymore. Now you're doing therapy or something else actually working for you, and whatnot. Try to find, at the end of the day, what Buddha said, I think, is the middle way, the balance between pain and pleasure.

Toliy: 2:28:02

Yeah, I think everybody I would say probably everybody wants to be happy, right, like that's probably like a safe state, I think, probably a safe statement to make. But it's always interesting that everybody has their own different definitions as to what it takes to get there or like what steps need to take, but everybody uses that same word, right? And when we were talking about this on a previous podcast, how that one word ruins everybody's lives, because everybody lives out their own life and their own definitions as to what it takes to do what, but then everyone's using the same word. And you could go through all these like like I think, well, they're saying that the yogas are different stuff, like that, like everybody can have their own different yeah, everybody can have their own different passions or you know stuff like that.

Toliy: 2:28:48

The good thing is that truth lies in everything right. So your connection with that will touch every single passion that you have or every single thing that you have, and I think that your suffering levels or happiness actual happiness levels will lie in how strong your connection is with that or how far away your connection is and the truth, I think, is the same word.

Eldar: 2:29:10

You can interchange it with God. Yes, because if truth is God and God is truth, you know what I mean. If you live in accordance to truth, you will feel good. If you don't, you won't feel good. That's it. It's as simple as that, and that's what he's trying to describe.

Toliy: 2:29:24

Yeah, yeah, it doesn't matter where or what, it's always going to be that, that, that that is undisputable to me.

Eldar: 2:29:33

God is undefeated. Yes, you know what I mean. Go run amok, go see it. You know what I mean. You're going to either earn what Pain? Or you're going to earn pleasure. Yeah. That's it. We're trying to figure out how to earn as much pleasure as possible, right, because it just feels good, right, and we realize that, like that's in the cards for us as humans, so why not try to figure it out?

Toliy: 2:29:55

Yeah, but I think in those moments of earning pleasure, something has to die right, and I think it's the ego in all those different scenarios that has to die. And that's the painful part in those moments. If someone is pointing out something that you're potentially doing wrong or something like that, right, or like you shared something and maybe people said multiple things, know multiple things about it, right, like in that moment, it feels a little painful.

Lisa: 2:30:22

Do you want to hear more stories?

Toliy: 2:30:26

It feels painful, right, but that's a requirement. Like something has to die. It's either like you and your idea there is going to die and you're going to continue on with life, or, um, your ego is going to die and then you have the opportunity to to like, improve, yeah, but, but, but it's going to be in the moment. It it's guaranteed to be painful, guaranteed and it's a new it's a new pain to what what's interesting about?

Toliy: 2:30:51

it's a new pain every single time. It's not like you kind of have like experienced that and then, like now, it just transfers over.

Eldar: 2:30:58

Wait, wait, wait, where you're not going to feel that pain going forward and it testifies based on how much arrogance and ego is behind it.

Lisa: 2:31:03

Right, exactly, and then letting it go too, is painful.

Toliy: 2:31:06

Yeah.

Lisa: 2:31:07

Because you come to the realization that, hey, you've been suffering at this and you have to let it go.

Toliy: 2:31:11

Yeah.

Lisa: 2:31:12

And that's the painful part. Yeah, part yeah, and that's the thing with getting to um. Happiness is, or getting to, pleasure is, letting go of all the other things that's been holding you back from there, and you have to you go through at least a time of mourning and grieving that, because it takes a while yeah, and, and, and I think that, um, if you bet on it, we were talking about how like it's hard and I think Joe was bringing up that example of some people in their 30s, 40s, 50s.

Toliy: 2:31:43

They're now only kind of trying to figure out what's going on. But it's hard because you as a 30-year-old or a 40-year-old or a 50-year-old, you have to put yourself in a position where the basic parts about life that you think you got right you actually got wrong.

Eldar: 2:32:00

Yeah, and you need to face that and that is why the teacher is what a lot of the times Pain right, mental, physical pain.

Toliy: 2:32:07

Yeah.

Eldar: 2:32:07

Right. That's why God designed this shit in such a way where it's like yo, all right, cool, you're in your 20s, you're running amok, you don't feel nothing, you're fine, you'll find 30s. You're like, oh, my back hurts. Oh shit, this hurts, I'm falling ill more, and stuff like that. You start thinking. You're still like, oh, what's happening with me? You start contemplating life, death and all this other stuff in order to really find out what the fuck is going on here. Why are we here, what's the purpose, and all these other questions. So it's a natural process. I think it's designed perfectly, which?

Toliy: 2:32:37

is why you have a choice, joe get humbled or get fucked it's gonna happen 100% if you don't choose the route of getting humbled on that thing, you're just going to experience pain. It's the phone falling. It's going to happen. So if you don't choose to falling, it's going to happen.

Eldar: 2:32:58

Gravity is gravity, so if you don't choose to get humble, you're going to get fucked.

Toliy: 2:33:02

That's it.

Eldar: 2:33:03

Should we feel bad for the individuals that quote-unquote suffering? Lisa, have you learned anything?

Joe: 2:33:09

Just another pair of dirty drawers. That's all it is. Everyone's walking around with them.

Eldar: 2:33:14

You think I give a fuck about what's going on in the world? No, I give a fuck about what's going on in the world. No, I give a fuck what's going on right here, right now. This is the most important thing that's going on in the world is right here, right now. That's how I feel, wholeheartedly. Nobody does it better than us. That's how I always feel. I feel confident because of the reality and things that I'm creating and what we're creating is happens to feel good for everybody in present.

Eldar: 2:33:40

So what the fuck? What are we talking about? Are we not the fucking shit? Yes, we are. This is what matters yeah, you know what I mean and I believe that. So, joe, remember when I fucking said in junior high school joe, yeah, we're loaded with what, what was that? What are we loaded with?

Mike: 2:33:56

you. You remember this In junior high school? Yeah, I used to say yo, we're loaded with banana clips.

Eldar: 2:34:01

You remember this thing? Yeah, I used to say that Loaded with banana clips.

Speaker 6: 2:34:05

Joe, we're going to bring it to anybody who want it.

Eldar: 2:34:08

Yeah, you see. Yeah, I believe that you know you just listen to 50 too much. That's true too. That's true too, but he's good, he's very good, still is, yeah. So, lisa, we have homework for you. That ego death that he's talking about is portrayed really well in this movie called the Peaceful Warrior. Okay, no, no, no, don't write it down. Listen to me. Yeah, peaceful Warrior. Okay, if, listen to me. Peaceful Warrior. If you need to remember it, you can go back on next Friday. This podcast will be live. This episode will be live. If you really want to see it, you'll find it. Peaceful Warrior. It's a really good representation. That's what we're talking about here.

Joe: 2:34:50

What year was this movie made? He makes fun of all the movies I watch. What year was that?

Eldar: 2:34:55

2004 or 5?, 6?. I don't movies. I watch what?

Speaker 6: 2:34:56

year was I in 2004, or 5?, okay, 6?. Mike, you watched the show, or?

Joe: 2:34:59

no, I don't think I've seen it.

Toliy: 2:35:00

Are you serious? Oh man Shit.

Joe: 2:35:02

No, just seen it.

Mike: 2:35:04

What the hell? What?

Eldar: 2:35:05

No, that's disrespectful, that is just plain disrespectful and I call you a good friend. Are you serious?

Joe: 2:35:13

Take everything back. Yeah, it looks like who is the main actor.

Mike: 2:35:16

Your boy, your boy Nick. Nick Nolte.

Joe: 2:35:18

Nick Nolte yeah.

Lisa: 2:35:20

Show him the face how come he was able to Google it.

Eldar: 2:35:22

I don't know what he was doing Huh.

Toliy: 2:35:28

Show him images. No, no, no, elder, if you, if you, no, there's no way you can forget that movie. My boy, nick, my boy, Nick Nolte.

Joe: 2:35:38

You remember Nick Nolte or no? I know Nick Nolte now that I see his face. Yeah, okay, cool, cool, fine.

Toliy: 2:35:43

Yeah, this movie is like out of control of all the topics we talk about right now.

Eldar: 2:35:49

Tied into it too. We definitely like it.

Joe: 2:35:51

I'll probably watch it 10, 15 times. It's Way of the Peaceful Warrior. A book that changes lives. So A book that changes lives. So it's based off a book. Now a major motion picture from Lionsgate.

Eldar: 2:36:00

And we actually have a history of this guy too. We actually met this guy recently, nick, yeah, no, no, no. The guy that wrote the Dan Millman, the actual person in that story. We met him. Yeah, that story was about we went to a seminar.

Toliy: 2:36:13

The author is the main character in the story.

Eldar: 2:36:15

The author is the main character in the story.

Joe: 2:36:16

What kind?

Eldar: 2:36:16

of seminar. It was like yoga retreat, like things like that Cornflakes.

Mike: 2:36:20

Yeah.

Eldar: 2:36:21

And we love this movie Cornflakes, yeah, midnight Cornflakes. We found cornflakes and cereal.

Toliy: 2:36:26

This place. The food was terrible, but this place had the best cornflakes you'll ever have in your life.

Joe: 2:36:32

They were Kellogg's.

Toliy: 2:36:32

No, it was like good, I'll show you the brand. How about this? Eldar found them without asking them where to buy them and what brand it is. I just came to you. He just saw them and he was like yo, this is it.

Eldar: 2:36:49

Whole Foods.

Mike: 2:36:50

I'll tell you all about them.

Toliy: 2:36:52

No, listen, we're not going to name any brands right now, because they're going to owe us a lot of money. You know what I'm saying. That's why Joe's not a marketer.

Joe: 2:36:57

Yeah, what is Joe doing?

Toliy: 2:36:59

Yeah, we can't throw him in sales.

Joe: 2:37:00

Gosh, he's shit. I'm not trying to work for your company.

Eldar: 2:37:04

Yeah, so a very good movie, so check it out. Peaceful Warrior.

Joe: 2:37:07

Peaceful Warrior. Peaceful Warrior, yeah, no problem, absolutely.

Eldar: 2:37:16

You will be in a people please, like always. You want to make sure that she's comfortable, right.

Mike: 2:37:19

I want to make sure she has a good, comfortable setting.

Eldar: 2:37:22

Because you didn't do a good job. Because we didn't do a good job here.

Lisa: 2:37:24

No, it's a good job. He's like, after the beating you've taken tonight, you're definitely getting a good meal.

Mike: 2:37:34

Yeah, I thought that we were cooking. Bro, how do you say we're going to cook?

Toliy: 2:37:38

You didn't say we were cooking and you're like wait, we're cooking here, we're all perfectly fed right now.

Joe: 2:37:43

Are you?

Eldar: 2:37:43

serious. Are you still people pleasing?

Joe: 2:37:45

Want some more humble pie.

Eldar: 2:37:47

Listen. That tells me that he steams you a little bit. You know what I'm saying. This is good, You're a good friend.

Joe: 2:37:52

Yeah. It's good I just don't want to run back, run out of it, but I gotta go tonight. We're leaving.

Eldar: 2:38:00

Where's she going? She's gonna enjoy Jersey right now. Relax a little bit, calm down a little bit. Maybe make some good decisions Hopefully.

Lisa: 2:38:08

I love that you guys speak for me.

Eldar: 2:38:10

Hopefully. So, yeah, love, let's finish love. You know what I mean. So, joe, what was the original question? Fuck, fuck. Sex let's finish love. You know what I mean. So, joe, what was the original question? Fuck, fuck sex why?

Joe: 2:38:19

How do you find?

Eldar: 2:38:20

love in today's fucking world. Yeah, why? What would you conclude? Based on everything that we said. Joe, can you conclude something fucking smart, or no?

Mike: 2:38:27

Yeah, don't hope to fall in love.

Eldar: 2:38:28

Yeah, yeah, just do it and not fucking.

Joe: 2:38:32

Nike, what's the Home Depot motto? Just do it no.

Mike: 2:38:37

That's nice, do more, do more.

Joe: 2:38:40

Do more, do more good. No, it's something else. It's like every time I watch a commercial I see a slogan. I'm like I want to fucking build that Really. I'm going to go to the store this weekend and get the supplies and build it.

Eldar: 2:38:51

Fuck shit up.

Joe: 2:38:52

It's a build it something.

Mike: 2:38:54

Build it, build it, build it and it will come no it's a it's a slogan.

Joe: 2:38:59

I don't know if anyone wants to google it that's I'm doing that but it always, whenever it hits me, I'm like I'm gonna fucking do something this weekend.

Lisa: 2:39:06

How doers get more done?

Eldar: 2:39:08

oh there you go.

Joe: 2:39:08

How doers get more done and it's just like yeah, you're not gonna get anything done unless you do it and get off your ass, get off your ass, get off your ass. Wow, if you wanna fall in love. Get off your ass be a doer, yeah, clean those drawers. Sometimes, though, sometimes doing is doing nothing yeah, sure, less is more, all that shit yeah that fucking goobagow, goobagow, goobagow goobagow go, don't do anything. You're doing too much now. You're doing nothing.

Eldar: 2:39:42

Yeah, no, okay so yeah, thank you, joe. Um, as expected, you said absolutely nothing let's go to mike.

Mike: 2:39:49

You want me to speak for you first.

Lisa: 2:39:50

Oh, do lisa first, then mike Mike and then. And then Lisa back to Lisa, exactly, sandwich it.

Eldar: 2:40:00

If she behaves herself, I'll give her the award. Do a sandwich.

Joe: 2:40:02

Lisa's easy Skip over.

Mike: 2:40:04

Lisa's pretty easy. I hope everybody falls in love. Yeah, that's easy. Wow, myself included. What you got for us what was the final thoughts on love?

Eldar: 2:40:18

yeah, falling in love, finding love, finding the right thing being the right thing. Did we say anything? Did we give any guidance? Will this pave the path to some people to fall in love, to be their best selves? Oh nice, those are very good thoughts. Can you share? Would you share this?

Joe: 2:40:39

podcast to someone who's struggling.

Mike: 2:40:43

I would share all the podcasts, this one, yeah, of course, absolutely okay, well what would you write after the link?

Joe: 2:40:50

the description you just sent them a link. What are you going to say after you send them the link?

Mike: 2:40:55

there's hot shit, peen your drawers, get with it. Are you going to let Lisa talk, or?

Joe: 2:40:57

are you going to say after you send them the link there's hot shit, peen your drawers, get with it.

Eldar: 2:41:00

Are you going to let?

Joe: 2:41:01

Lisa talk, or are we going to skip? You skipping.

Mike: 2:41:05

I said everything she wanted to say.

Eldar: 2:41:11

Lisa you have something to add. Holy, oh, that was good, mike.

Lisa: 2:41:16

But you didn't say anything.

Eldar: 2:41:18

We read his mind oh.

Lisa: 2:41:20

Can somebody share his mind? I don't have anything to say, I don't know, I think my final thought or my takeaway is just be who you are, become who you're supposed to become, and then everything else will fall in place. Take action, that's what I would say.

Mike: 2:41:45

Okay, thank you. Can we cut that out or no? Yes, of course. She's trying to embarrass us. She's trying to embarrass us.

Eldar: 2:41:53

Bad right, she's like, I think these guys are all about action, so I'm going to use that word real quick Action, action.

Lisa: 2:41:58

I think these guys are all about action, so I'm going to use that word real quick. You guys are all about action. That is a big takeaway.

Eldar: 2:42:03

He just said sometimes what you need to be doing is actually nothing, you guys are disfunctional my final words first of

Lisa: 2:42:13

all you said nothing and you had to sit down. Oh, you're dropping bombs on the floor.

Joe: 2:42:17

I said a lot, you had to say nothing. Dropping bombs on the corner.

Mike: 2:42:20

I said a lot, you just weren't listening. No, you had a chance to speak for two people and you didn't give a final thought. Yeah, it's true, it was a lot, you just said hot shit, yeah, I mean, that's nothing. Yeah, if you guys want. If you want to come back to me, I can drop some knowledge.

Eldar: 2:42:35

Okay, fine, he needs a minute. He's a slow learner. He's a slow learner.

Mike: 2:42:41

He was over there in the corner. I was eating the cheese. Most of the time I was invested there, all right.

Eldar: 2:42:47

Well, thank you Lisa. Yes, Action Toli.

Toliy: 2:42:50

Yeah, I mean I'm going to say something that's going to be useless. I'm still going to say it anyway. For most, I think, if you want to fall in love, I think it's pretty simple you align yourself with the truth and that's it, there's nothing else to it that was pretty useless yeah, you know vague, very vague

Toliy: 2:43:14

you're not going to a final thoughts scenario is a bait. You know, because you're never going to in a final thoughts scenario is a bait. You know because you're never going to like there's nothing that you could say in a sentence that's going to make any kind of, because everything was said throughout the podcast are you ready to look in the mirror or drop your drawers and see how dirty they are?

Joe: 2:43:32

that's it ultimately it's coming down to. Are you ready to test yourself? Right Change. This is the only way you're going to get this outcome. No one else is doing it for you. Ultimately, it lands in your lap and it's up to you.

Eldar: 2:43:53

Yeah, I think I'm going to roll off of Joe's. Can you look at yourself in the mirror part? Can you actually look at yourself in the mirror part? Can you actually look at yourself in the mirror and say that you are deserving of love? Right, Because the truth of the matter is, let's just say, if love is the greatest gift from God that encompasses everything and makes us truly happy, right? Look at yourself in the mirror. Is your drawers dirty? And if they are, you know, then you got some work to do. Don't go around fucking begging or hoping for love.

Toliy: 2:44:25

You got to either wash them or change them.

Joe: 2:44:27

You got to wash them or change them.

Eldar: 2:44:28

Well, changing them doesn't really fix the problem right. You got to like. You got to fix the problem. Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean. At the end of the day day, that if you're not deserving of it, you're just not gonna get it. If, if, love is like gravity, there is an equation that god left us and you need to seek out that equation. It's all in the wipe. It's all in the wipe. Love is is the way you that's right it's the way you wipe you get no blood.

Joe: 2:44:53

You're doing it right, that's no no blood, no foul.

Toliy: 2:44:56

Yeah, that's right. That's right if you're not getting you.

Lisa: 2:44:58

Yeah, that's right, that's right. If you're not getting, you know what I'm saying. You're such boys.

Joe: 2:45:03

Is it working or no? If you learn how to wipe, you're doing it right. Yes, yes.

Eldar: 2:45:09

Correct. So if love is like gravity and there's an equation for it that God left us to do, we need to align in accordance to that equation. So if you're looking for love, then fucking start asking the right questions, like starting with, like how to fall in love actually, and go out there and find people that are in love, right, older couples especially. You know that's been together for fucking 50 years, for example. You know and are happy, not like our parents joe, you know what I'm saying. Those are not really good. Or mike's parents's parents.

Lisa: 2:45:36

Oh, totally his parents.

Eldar: 2:45:38

Your parents, lisa, right, like these are not our examples, right? The ones that are actually walking around the neighborhood smiling still and holding hands, and they're barely walking right. Go out there and ask them like yo, how do you do this? Right, they might have the answers to this shit, or listen to this podcast, obviously.

Toliy: 2:45:58

Because we got the stuff. Yeah, I mean, if you don't do all that and you actually have a true relationship, then you have a perpetual cycle of pieces of shit marrying, having kids and raising more pieces of shit.

Eldar: 2:46:09

That's it. That's all you're going to have, and then we're just going to have good people so-called good people, like Lisa over here hoping for the best.

Lisa: 2:46:17

But expecting the worst.

Eldar: 2:46:20

Okay, you know what I'm saying. We're hoping that this gravity thing doesn't work Right One day that this phone is going to just float. That'd be cool. No, it'd be sad, it'd be cool for it. It'd be the worst. It would be the worst. It would be the worst day in our lives that when we fucking try to. You can't imagine something like that, all right yeah, like, oh yeah, you don't want.

Joe: 2:46:43

You don't want what's supposed to happen not happen. Like you know what I mean if it's done by design.

Eldar: 2:46:49

If you know, if you're not in love right, because you know you're not yet compatible with it, it's okay, work towards it if you want to. But go out there, humble yourself, ask the right questions, find out what it really takes, and do you actually line up to that? And if you don't, well, stop lying to yourself. You might not be fucking compatible with love. You might be an arrogant bastard. That's supposed to be. Fucking. Make billions of dollars and be rich and be a prick. That's it. Live that out.

Joe: 2:47:14

If you see poo that out, if you see poo you will not find your boo.

Mike: 2:47:21

Yo, I'm going to leave it at that. That's it. Thank you, Joe. If it's brown, flush it down. Flush it down. Yes, Wow, Good shit Joe.

Toliy: 2:47:26

Let it mellow. Thank you guys. Thank you, thanks for watching, thank you.