161. Breaking Free from Validation and Family Expectations

Why do the closest people in our lives hurt us the most?

In this candid and emotionally charged episode, Harris opens up about his struggles with familial expectations, particularly his fraught relationship with his stepdad, who pressures him to abandon his current job for something more financially secure. The crew dives deep into the dynamics of seeking validation, the pain inflicted by loved ones, and the journey toward self-actualization. With raw honesty, humor, and tough love, they explore how to break free from external approval and live authentically.

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Chapters

• 3:16 Personal Anecdotes: Career Choices and Parental Pressure
• 10:55 Finding Independence and Self-Worth
• 40:41 Navigating Family Dynamics
• 49:35 The Influence of External Opinions
• 1:12:12 Seeking Validation
• 1:32:03 The Importance of Conflict
• 1:38:15 Final Thoughts and Reflections

Transcript

[00:00:00] Dennis: On this week's episode.

[00:00:00] Harris: My dad does not agree with me working here. He won't let me focus on this. It's more like find another job. Find another job. You're not making enough money. You know when you show me the money, I'll stop. 

[00:00:13] Eldar: Right? His dad is trying to brainwash Harris into his dad. Shit, I'm trying to brainwash you guys into this shit.

[00:00:19] Eldar: We're trying to brainwash each other into our own worldviews, and when it doesn't work well, we get mad. 

[00:00:25] Harris: She said the same thing as John, that it's a cult-like mentality. My dad asked, what the hell is this podcast about? She goes, you don't wanna listen to it. It, it's cult.

[00:00:43] Eldar: Alright guys, today's topic is Paris. 

[00:00:47] Harris: How to open up, uh, your emotions. Right. Okay. Uh, I've been having trouble, uh, I dunno what you call it, balancing. 

[00:00:57] Joe: Mm-hmm. 

[00:00:58] Harris: Uh, my emotions with my, my dad. And, uh, it ends up consuming me. Uhhuh give us some examples of, what are you talking about? Well, as everyone knows, my dad does not agree with me working here, Uhhuh.

[00:01:13] Harris: And, uh, whenever I go home, I. He bombards me. Uhhuh. Okay. Uh, basically I feel like it's ambushes. That's what it feels like. Like an ambush? Yeah. Like, uh, are you looking for jobs? Have you been applying? You know, he, he doesn't understand that I wanna put my all into this mm-hmm. And give it my best shot. He doesn't agree with it.

[00:01:36] Harris: Mm-hmm. Doesn't think it's possible. And he puts me down so much that, you know, I've given up trying to explain to him. 

[00:01:46] Joe: Mm-hmm. 

[00:01:46] Harris: Because I feel like he's never gonna understand. 

[00:01:50] Joe: Mm-hmm. 

[00:01:50] Harris: And it ends up consuming me 

[00:01:52] Joe: Yeah. 

[00:01:52] Harris: To the fa fact that I, I believe it affects my work. 

[00:01:56] Joe: Mm-hmm. 

[00:01:58] Harris: And it was the first time we talked about it today, and it felt like, uh, for a long period of time, it felt like a, a little bit of relief after talking about it.

[00:02:05] Harris: So, okay. What does your dad think He is? He thinks he knows it all right. He tried sales in his day and he's like, it's the hardest thing. You have to have no soul, no nothing. And. He doesn't get, this is a different kind of company here. Yeah. 

[00:02:20] Joe: Sales is not sales everywhere you go. Right? Yeah. Like, you could sell drugs or you could sell product.

[00:02:25] Joe: Yeah. Sales is not like a, a, a, a, a negative, you know, or positive. See, that's what he doesn't understand. Yeah. Well then that's a, that's right there. You, you know, just look at it like, uh, your father's sick doesn't understand, uh, what is going on here and what's going on in your life. And say, dad, you know, you don't, you don't understand, but it's gonna be okay because he's, 

[00:02:50] Harris: he's sick.

[00:02:51] Harris: Well, I mean, he bombards me every night. Even when I tell him, he goes, you gotta put like a timer on it. You gotta give it like three months and then walk away. 

[00:02:58] Joe: Yeah. You know, you know when that will end when you leave his house, because then you won't have to hear his, you know, bullshit. You know him whining.

[00:03:09] Joe: Yeah. Because he'll whine even if it was good, even if you had a, a good job or a job that he considers good. You know, I'm, I remember I was in the, the hunt for a job. I was applying for all these city jobs and I was in the process of going to Port Authority, which is a high paying job. It's just a shitty job, in my opinion.

[00:03:31] Joe: And then I had the option to go to the fire department, and my father was very happy I was going to port authority because it was a high paying job. Mm-hmm. But you sit in a booth, you sit in a car, you sit at an airport, you're, you're a cop for port authority. And then I had the option to be a fireman. I was like, going to that, that's what I wanted.

[00:03:50] Joe: So I, I just literally left in a suit and tie was in the middle of applying, I was getting processed with another, like 300 applicants. It takes a long time to even have that position. I walked out, I told them, I'm, I'm like, I, I'm gonna end my, my process. I'm going. To the fire department and they said, all right.

[00:04:11] Joe: And we, we, we filled everything out. And I went in and I got to the fire department. My father's like, why did you do that? They pay so much more money. That was a mistake. You know, you know you're gonna regret your decision. I said, who's making the decision here? Me or you? Like, I'm the one who has to work this career.

[00:04:30] Joe: I'm happy being in the fire department. And even though it's less money, it's not what was driving the cause for me to do that. And still to this day, he brings it up. You know, I have 10 years to solidify my reasoning why I made the right decision for myself. He still says the same stupid shit. You know, you shouldn't, you shouldn't have, uh.

[00:04:51] Joe: He should have took that job with the port authority. He doesn't get it and he'll never get it. And you know, when I, when I look at someone who responds like that, I kind of just, it's like when you're walking by a bum on the street and he, and he, he says that you stink or something like that. Like it, you know, that comment kind of has to go through one ear and out the other because they just are gonna say that no matter what.

[00:05:13] Joe: See 

[00:05:14] Harris: if I just ignore it 'cause I have tried to ignore it. Like, okay dad. Yeah. And he, he'll, he'll go come in front of me and go, excuse me, are you hearing what I'm saying? You know, like, he'll, he'll literally get closer to my face and do it. Yeah. Get a little assertive. Yeah. 

[00:05:29] Joe: My father put his hands around my neck, Jesus Christ.

[00:05:32] Joe: And brought me up into a wall and, and clenched his fist and he was ready to punch me in the face. And I had the ball since I do it. 'cause I wanted to get it over with. So I could kind of like break away from the physical violence and the, and the emotional, uh, you know, distress I was going through. Kind of wanted, like a reason to hate him or tell him to go fuck himself and never talk to him again.

[00:05:56] Joe: We were at this close to going to blows, and then I just, uh, you know, I didn't accelerate it or, you know, push it. So it happened. And then, uh, I just realized like his ultimatum, when he doesn't know how to express himself or he doesn't know how to reason or he is not making sense, he goes, he turns to screaming, being louder, puffing his chest out and physical violence.

[00:06:22] Joe: But this is like the, um, the tactics to any uneducated, you know, unprepared bully who just uses his ways to, uh, strong arm people, you know, emotionally or physically, but they're not really in the position to be a voice of reason or someone rational or. Guiding you the right way. You know, he, your, your father is a family member who takes care of you.

[00:06:48] Joe: You love him and it's a relationship, but they don't always have the right information for you. 

[00:06:53] Harris: Yeah. I mean, every day he does this, it, I hate to say it, we talked about this, it grows a little more and a little more hate towards it. You or him? I, my hate towards him. Yeah. You're like more resenting and Yeah.

[00:07:09] Harris: Yeah. You know, when I was younger, we had a great relationship. 

[00:07:11] Joe: Mm-hmm. 

[00:07:12] Harris: But ever since I moved back in it, it's been, in my opinion, deteriorating because he's doing this, he won't let me. Goal full, and he won't let me focus on this. It's more like, find another job, find another job. You're not making enough money.

[00:07:30] Harris: You know, when you show me the money, I'll stop. You know, 

[00:07:33] Joe: when I was in your position, I also lived at home and I was like, I can't wait to leave so I can run my own, my own life, my own ways, and you won't breathe down my neck. I got an apartment, but it was still in the same building. It was his building. So he was always at the door.

[00:07:47] Joe: He was always coming in, so he still was breaking my balls, breathing on my, my, my neck, you know, and I still didn't have that break. Then I moved out of the building and then, you know, I got married and when he comes over it's still the same shit. So like I thought, oh, I'll just escape. I'll get out of there.

[00:08:06] Joe: I'll have my own place, and he'll never have his grips on me. But now when he comes over, I'm like waiting to waiting for him to leave because he still doesn't know how to act. He still fights and argues. He still has his old, his old ways that he's never going to like change and evolve. Like all I've learned to do over the years is learn how to not agitate and, and, and, um, not feed the fire, you know, kind of deescalate.

[00:08:34] Joe: And I, I got better at deescalating and to be able to like avoid, you know, when you're driving on the highway and you got crazy drivers and someone gets road rage and they want to like beef with you and then, you know, if you just slow down and go to the slow lane and, and just slow down and that person just basically takes off because they're like, okay, you gave up.

[00:08:54] Joe: That's what I do. I kind of disarm him and I learned how to, how to do that. 'cause I just saw there's no point in going toe to toe or arguing or trying to, uh, justify any of my reasons or have a conversation that breaks through to his, his thick skull doesn't get it. And, you know, I'm, I just hit 40. I've been going through it since I was.

[00:09:17] Joe: You know, high school. So there's 

[00:09:18] Harris: no way to actually get them to understand what we're doing here. No, 

[00:09:21] Joe: I, I could say I did pretty good for myself. I made a lot of, like, the decisions I made in life were always following, like, you know, the positive, uh, advice of a lot of people and the jobs I got and the education I got, and the friends I've been around and I didn't really make bad decisions.

[00:09:39] Joe: I still, you know, consider myself like, did pretty good. And even with all that, like I'm, you know, I'm always thinking like, is this gonna impress my father? Is this gonna impress my father? Nothing. Like, you know, I think I've heard him say like, oh, I'm proud of you. I think when I got, when I graduated and got into the fire department, he says, oh, I'm proud of you.

[00:09:59] Joe: Uh, and then like, you know, nothing really, nothing really a nothing much after that, um, 

[00:10:06] Harris: you know, I pulled up, uh, the sales force from my dad to try to show him I'm actually getting better at certain things and improving on things. Mm-hmm. Didn't impress them. 

[00:10:16] Joe: Yeah. I mean, that's just like handing him a Yeah.

[00:10:18] Joe: A coloring book and being, what do you think, you know, like, you know, and he's like, 

[00:10:21] Harris: well, what am I looking at? Yeah. I'm like, well, you know, this was probably one of my best mocks. 

[00:10:27] Joe: Mm-hmm. 

[00:10:27] Harris: I, I, it wasn't, you know, terrible. It could be better, but I feel like I'm, I'm starting to improve here. And he goes, well, until you, you show me like your paycheck.

[00:10:37] Joe: Yeah. 

[00:10:37] Harris: And 

[00:10:38] Joe: he's looking for valid validation. Yeah. And you're, you're, you're still looking at him as if he's gonna validate those, these guys around you, like your bosses. Yeah. That's gonna validate. Yeah. I know. If you're doing a good job and I was just trying to get 'em off my back. Yeah. Yeah. Well that's, you know, well, the story I just told you about getting off your back.

[00:10:59] Joe: Yeah. It's not gonna happen. Not gonna happen until you leave. And then even when you do leave, he's still gonna be, you know, talking shit. Breath down. Yeah. So, you know, all you could, all you could really do is turn to him and be like, Hey, you know what? I don't need you to tell me what's a good job or. I don't need you to tell me to show me the money.

[00:11:18] Joe: Say, you know what? I'm happy Is that, is that all I, you know, is that enough for you to say your son is happy? Are you happy? You, you could ask your father, or are you happy with your life? Yes or no? And if he doesn't have an answer for you, then that's fine. But you say, are you happy to know? I'm happy? And if he says yes, then say, that's all you need to know.

[00:11:40] Joe: I'm happy. You know? And if you, if that doesn't, if that's not enough information for you, then go kick rocks. You know? It's like, what do you want me to do? You could still love him and you still be his son, but if he doesn't, you know, respect, you know, just, just the simple stuff. Say, dad, like I'm, I'm at a much better place in my life.

[00:12:01] Joe: I'm around good people. I'm working a job, I'm learning the job, getting good. And if it doesn't work out, I'm onto the next thing. But you know, until then.

[00:12:13] Joe: Oh man. 

[00:12:15] Harris: I know it's gonna cause like an argument, but 

[00:12:17] Joe: Yeah. But how old are you? 

[00:12:19] Harris: 26 going on 27 this month. 

[00:12:22] Joe: Okay. I mean, I think Mike's looking for a roommate soon. He might wanna double up. I don't know. You know, things definitely get a lot easier when you can just run your own shit. Do your own, yeah.

[00:12:37] Joe: Routine. Work your own job. Be around the friends you have and once you're, when you, when you're out of the nest, when you're out of the home, 

[00:12:43] Harris: see, I've been staying out when I start to know, he, I know the time he starts to head upstairs, so I've been staying out until he is like upstairs. He's not asleep yet.

[00:12:54] Harris: So when I get home, I go up to my room and then of course he'll pop his head in and start the whole talk and. 

[00:13:04] Joe: Well, do you have any ambitions or dreams to like get your own place? Yeah. 

[00:13:09] Harris: When I, 

[00:13:09] Joe: when you get to that point? Yeah. Like financially. Yeah. Yeah. So until then, you're gonna have to, you know, suck 

[00:13:14] Harris: it up and 

[00:13:15] Joe: dig your feet into the ground.

[00:13:16] Joe: Yeah. And keep your head down. Keep your head down around around them. Yeah. Until you could make your move. 

[00:13:22] Harris: Yeah. 

[00:13:22] Joe: Because it doesn't seem like you could have that conversation with him and, and, uh, but there's a chance that he is gonna listen. Sometimes it's also about when you wanna say, listen, uh, I'm working on getting outta here and saving up so I can get my own place.

[00:13:38] Joe: But I'm told then it's like sometimes offering him a little money to kind of like, uh, pay for your, your stay or, you know, you being there. Could get him off your back. Say, listen, I'm gonna give you a, a, a little something while I'm here. No, I already go. Oh, you do? Yeah. Okay. So all right, then I thought, I thought you were like, 

[00:13:59] Harris: no, no, no.

[00:14:00] Harris: He already charges me like rent for food and stuff like that. That, yeah. 

[00:14:03] Joe: Okay. So you are, you are covering, uh, a small aspect. So then you take that amount that you're giving him. If you could turn that amount you're giving him and put a maybe a little bit more and get the fuck out, then just you're gonna have to weigh those two options.

[00:14:17] Joe: Like, how much more is it gonna take for me to actually have my own place where I'm, I'm done. Like walking on eggshells, coming home and determining when you're upstairs or downstairs and talking shit. Like, 

[00:14:29] Harris: I might have to meet with my financial advisor Exactly. And see what I can cut out. 

[00:14:33] Joe: That's the next step, you know?

[00:14:35] Joe: 'cause if he's not gonna see eye to eye with you and be like, dad, you know, you really need, you need to get off my back. 'cause you're, you're making things worse than they actually are. And you know, you're not supporting, you're not supporting me, basically. Uh. A bad environment for me, and I'd rather not be around this, uh, and, and just maybe enjoy you on a, a different level where like when I do come over, it's us to just catch up, but not for you to tell me what you think is good and what you think is not, you not doing drugs, you're not getting arrested, you're not doing anything.

[00:15:06] Joe: You're not hanging out with the wrong crowd and you're working and you're learning a new job. What does he want you to do? Become a a, a doctor, 

[00:15:13] Harris: government job or local job? What does he do? He has his own business. He works as a, uh, he fixes interior at dealerships. Interiors, 

[00:15:23] Joe: interior. Yeah. Interiors, auto upholstery.

[00:15:26] Harris: Yep. 

[00:15:26] Joe: Is is that good enough for you? 

[00:15:30] Harris: No. 

[00:15:31] Joe: Is your dad being an auto post? My dad was an auto upholstery. 

[00:15:34] Harris: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's inconsistent. 

[00:15:38] Joe: Well, it's consistent that the two of them are talking shit. Yeah. 

[00:15:41] Harris: But you know, and you know, he, he wants me to take over his company. Do you want to? No, there you go. Um, but, you know, he goes, yeah, I would really love for you to take over the company because, you know, my brother owned it before and when he died, I took it over and I wanna keep it alive.

[00:16:02] Joe: So it was your, it was your uncle's company before your dad and after he died, my dad took it. So he inherited it? Yeah. What did he do before he inherited that 

[00:16:09] Harris: company? He was a fashion designer. He, he designed clothes, 

[00:16:15] Joe: didn't wanna throw it all, push you. So I guess that, that, that that venture didn't really pan out 

[00:16:20] Harris: well.

[00:16:22] Harris: Yeah. He was doing good until everything, uh, became automated. Okay. And they no longer needed a, uh, physical designer. 

[00:16:28] Joe: All right. It's a, it's a unique trail on, on and, you know, jobs, but did anyone. Pull on his fucking leg and say like, oh, of course, don't you know, I don't think you should be doing this. His 

[00:16:39] Harris: parents, they told him to get a government job.

[00:16:41] Harris: Ah, but he, he seems to forget this. 

[00:16:45] Joe: He forget. So he forgot where he came from 

[00:16:47] Harris: and he, but he does go, he goes, you know, sometimes I regret not taking government job. He goes, I was offered a government job because my friends gr retired at 40 something years old while I'm still working my ass off. 

[00:16:58] Joe: Uh, that's exactly, I think that was the last conversation, had my dad.

[00:17:02] Joe: Yeah. He's still working. Construction. Jesus. He said, I, I should have took a shitty job. I could be retired by now. Still busting, hiss at 70 construction. So, but you know what? It keeps you alive. It's the same story. 

[00:17:15] Harris: Huh? It keeps you alive. You worse. Sure. It keeps you active. Yeah. 

[00:17:19] Joe: But it's the same story.

[00:17:20] Joe: Yeah, I know. See, you see like your story. I, you're 26, I'm 40 and it's still going. They, they, they're in the same, same head space. Jesus. 

[00:17:29] Harris: That's kind of crazy. So 

[00:17:30] Joe: just so for the next 14 years, buckled out, buckle up 14 years. Yeah. You understand? 

[00:17:37] Harris: Yeah. 

[00:17:37] Joe: Because you're, you'll be at where I'm at. Yeah. Which hasn't changed a thing.

[00:17:40] Joe: Yeah. Besides not having to hear 'em every day or see 'em every day. Now when we get together, it's, it's good times. It's like events, you know? Or 

[00:17:49] Harris: until he mentions. 

[00:17:51] Joe: Well, I mean, he can mention all he wants. Yeah. Uh, you know, it's still like, yeah, it might like be like, man, you just really can't let it go. But they don't see at the same way we do it.

[00:18:04] Joe: And that's the same way it happened with his, his parents. They didn't, they didn't, uh, see what he saw in the fashion industry and now he took over this company. Um, but everyone kind of has to, you know, let people go their own path. Yeah. The way your dad did and the way you're doing it. Say, what would you rather, would you rather like, you know, me coming to, coming to you for help or just me, you know, going out and doing, doing my own thing.

[00:18:34] Joe: Like, I, I don't need your business. I don't need your money or whatever. It's like, you know, sell the business, tell 'em to sell the business. It's not, he says it's 

[00:18:44] Harris: not a sellable business. 

[00:18:45] Joe: It's not for sale. 

[00:18:46] Harris: It's not a sellable business. Oh, well listen because it's just him. It's just, yeah. And it's up to, uh, the dealerships, whether or not they want to keep the new guy.

[00:18:58] Joe: Well, it's not your interest. Nope. So that's it. You make the decision. That's true. Unless there has control over you that, that you have to do what he says, then I mean, like, just like, dad, you'll be proud of me, um, because I love you and, uh, and, and that's all you need in this world is for us to love each other.

[00:19:20] Joe: And I. Enjoy each other until we're both dead or you know, until you pass away. Because he'll probably pass away first naturally. Yeah. 

[00:19:29] Harris: Unless, uh, the prediction goes to plan, I guess, of not making it past 50. 

[00:19:35] Joe: Yeah. But your dad is part of that gene pool? 

[00:19:38] Harris: No, he stepdad's. Who raised, what's his 

[00:19:40] Joe: stepdad? 

[00:19:41] Harris: He raised me since I was a baby's thought you 

[00:19:43] Joe: everything or no.

[00:19:44] Joe: Well, then you might die before. 

[00:19:47] Harris: Well, he does have, uh, stepdad, an aneurysms that run in the family. Okay. So, but this guy's your stepdad? Well, he, yeah. My father was abusive. My biological father, my stepdad raised me from when I was two years old, so he was the only dad I really ever knew. 

[00:20:06] Joe: Alright. But you still love him like a dad.

[00:20:09] Joe: Yeah. Yeah. That's it. That's sometimes that's all you could give somebody. Yeah. Love and respect and say, you know, just like, you know. Don't look for them to be proud of you because sometimes it just says not gonna come. Damn. I mean, damn. 

[00:20:23] Harris: It's just, you know, everyone still works for it, you know, like, you know, hearing that some, some dads are strict.

[00:20:31] Harris: Like I have friends that, you know, they have good careers, but their dads still has never said, you know, I'm proud of you. It's always a handshake. Remember what happened today when you came to one 

[00:20:42] Eldar: of your dad's Yeah. Here at the office. Him. Yeah. Yeah. And you wanted to share a proud moment. Mm-hmm. What'd you get?

[00:20:51] Eldar: Bowl of Shit. What'd you get? Nothing. You got nothing? 

[00:20:56] Harris: Yeah. 

[00:20:57] Eldar: Right. But obviously, right. Me, you and Mike, we went through that moment together. Yeah. He wasn't here for it. He wasn't here for it. We experienced it. It was a real moment for you. We, we, we were there to attest it. Yeah. You know. And you had a good time, right?

[00:21:11] Eldar: Yep. You felt good. 

[00:21:12] Joe: Mm-hmm. 

[00:21:13] Eldar: Felt like a way she wanted to go and, and ask. Totally. For almost like validation. Hey, look. Totally. You know, I think I had a breakthrough or something, you know? Yeah. I told her to shut it down. I was like, whatcha talking about? You're an idiot. You see? Yeah. This is a, this is a very good example of what Joe's trying to tell you.

[00:21:28] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:21:29] Eldar: That he's 40 years old, you know? Yeah, totally. Totally plays the bad cop. I get it. You know, but this is an example. Yeah. Right. Of what Joe is saying, that at 40 years old, right? Is that still will make his comments, it's still not enough or whatever, you know? And for a very long time, this is what we do.

[00:21:49] Eldar: We look for their validation to one day hear, oh, I'm proud of you. Wow, you're doing so good. Yeah. And then what? Okay, he got the, I'm proud of you Joe. You graduated from the fire department and then what? I don't know. Life continue. You still have to live. You still have to have a relationship. That's still not enough, you know?

[00:22:09] Eldar: Joe wakes up every single day saying that my dad is proud of me that I graduated. I'm grateful for that. 

[00:22:16] Harris: You know, it'd be great if it was like the movies, you know, or you know, some of these parents that are like, yeah, go, go full force. Go follow. Yeah. I hope you're successful. The fantasy, you know? Yeah.

[00:22:25] Joe: You want the fantasy. I mean, you know, 

[00:22:28] Harris: that's what I would do if I, when 

[00:22:29] Joe: I have 

[00:22:30] Harris: kids. 

[00:22:30] Joe: That's, yeah, well that's, that's the important thing when, and if you have kids, if 

[00:22:34] Harris: they 

[00:22:34] Joe: say, 

[00:22:35] Harris: Hey, 

[00:22:35] Joe: I wanna go, you know what to do. 

[00:22:37] Harris: If I want to go become a pilot, I wanna go do something, support, go for it. Yeah. I'll be help any way I can.

[00:22:43] Joe: Yeah. I was just having this conversation with my wife, where like her parents switched, her mother was really nice, really good with her when she was young and then didn't know how to handle her when she became a teenager and she became a very tough mom, A very bad, like non-involved mom. Oh sure. But the dad was never involved with her early on.

[00:23:03] Joe: And then as she got older. He was able to kind of like have a relationship with her. So it was like, kind of like flip flop. But she, you know, didn't get it from both of her parents from the beginning and continued on. It wasn't like that textbook, you know, TV show parents and like the full house type thing.

[00:23:21] Joe: You know, my situation, me and my mom and dad, my mom went to all my sport games and all supported me, drove me to all these places, watched my games, took me to the Yankee Games, ranger games. She was like my dad that, my dad never did any of those things with me. And I was just like, always wanted it. I always desired it to have that like father son relationship.

[00:23:44] Joe: Pulled the ball around. Yeah. Come and see, see him in the stands. Never showed up to my games. Damn. He would show up to other events like his friend's son's things. And I used to know that would happen on a Saturday. Every Saturday we'd go to the track watching Ro, you know, drag race. He just never showed up to my games.

[00:24:01] Joe: Damn. You know? And I would be like, what's wrong with me? Why don't I get that? Then, you know, I carried on. I still had fun playing. My mom supported me and I was like, all right, if I'm, at least I'm gonna get it from my mom. My dad doesn't wanna show face. That's on him. He's missing out. You know, there still was a side of me that wanted it and desired it, but like after a while you just give up on it.

[00:24:25] Joe: But you doesn't make me stop or like, you know what? I'll kick the can. I'm not gonna play. Yeah, because he's not coming. Nah, fuck that. You don't wanna come, you know what's next? And then I 

[00:24:35] Eldar: learned to live with it. Why'd you want to do, why'd you want him to come in the first place? Like it was like a thing because like all kinda like, it's an American thing where like the dads come to the kids' games and shit like that.

[00:24:45] Eldar: Yeah. You 

[00:24:45] Joe: know, you see that in movies, you see that on tv. Yeah. They throw the ball with you then and then. And then you see your friend's dads 

[00:24:50] Eldar: there. Yeah. And your dad's. I didn't have that. 

[00:24:52] Joe: Yeah. 

[00:24:52] Eldar: Like I didn't have this, uh, feeling. My dad never came to own my shit. None of my shit. Oh yeah. Yeah. My mom was the supportive role.

[00:24:58] Joe: Okay. 

[00:24:58] Eldar: You know, and I just thought like he don't like it. So like Yeah. You know, I've never had that vision of like, oh, you know, like my dad's supposed to be there, whatever. Yeah. You know, it'd be cool obviously, but I never dwelled on it like that. Yeah. I think it's just something like you cultural too. I think it's an American 

[00:25:12] Joe: culture too.

[00:25:12] Joe: Probably. Yeah. Movies. Yeah. I always wanted to show my dad my talents. Yeah. I wanted him to show come see me play. Like my friends would come watch me play. Mm-hmm. Yo, you're good. You know? Or the whatever. And like, good game that was sick, that play, blah, blah blah. Yeah. And it's like you play even better when they're watching.

[00:25:28] Joe: Of course. You know, it's like support. Yeah. And you know who else. What else, rather than your dad, would you rather be there and you, like you are looking around, he is never there and then you, it makes you want more because he is not there. 

[00:25:40] Joe: Mm. 

[00:25:41] Joe: You know, you see everyone else involved and then you are like, well, you know, he takes the time for other things, but he, he doesn't apply it towards me.

[00:25:50] Joe: So that being said, I have a son now and all those things and, and, and pitfalls that I've went through and felt, you know, I could consciously provide that to him because I know it's just gonna be a positive influence rather than not showing up and not, you know, not, not being in his, his, his life and kind of giving him that like, support and love.

[00:26:15] Joe: Um, so 'cause then he'll feel confident and not ever question or wonder, do I need to make my dad proud? He'll feel it, you know, and uh, and uh, I could provide that to him because I, you know, now I can kind of analyze it. What I, from experience. From experience. Just 

[00:26:32] Eldar: don't be one of those dads that if the kid really sucks you don't tell him he sucks.

[00:26:35] Eldar: Okay. 

[00:26:36] Joe: Don't tell him he sucks. Yeah. Just No, no. Tell him he sucks. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not giving him a trophy. I'm like, yo, terrible game participation drove me look like shit, let's get at, let's 

[00:26:46] Harris: go 

[00:26:46] Joe: practice. Yeah. Yeah. No 

[00:26:47] Harris: participation 

[00:26:48] Joe: trophies. No, no, no. This is, uh, competition. It's competition and you know, you, you gotta, you gotta practice to get better if you wanna compete and win.

[00:26:58] Joe: If you don't care about winning. 'cause winning's dead. 

[00:27:02] Harris: Winning's not dead. 

[00:27:02] Joe: Winning's dead. Well, since 

[00:27:04] Harris: winning's winning dead, 

[00:27:05] Joe: I don't know. Everything's dead for Joe. Competition. Yeah. I, I think I remember a podcast with, no, it was a competition that was affecting, uh, emotions and, and, uh, mindsets. Mm-hmm.

[00:27:16] Joe: Because when you lose you, it would, you know. Make, get you mad or you've arguments or this or that and make, well, you losing makes you feel like shit and mm-hmm. Woke. So why compete anyway? Was this the woke mind 

[00:27:28] Harris: virus episode where No, this is, this is a while 

[00:27:30] Joe: back. Oh, this is when like, they wanted to kind of end the competition side of sports.

[00:27:36] Joe: 'cause it was 

[00:27:37] Harris: Then why have sports? Sports for sometimes you 

[00:27:40] Joe: play sports 'cause it's, 'cause it's exercise or it's, uh, it's fun. But on, on the non-competitive side, like, it's not, we're not trying to win, we're just trying to play the game. 

[00:27:50] Harris: That's like when I was younger and I played baseball at the end of the season, everyone got these little lives trophies.

[00:27:56] Harris: Eh, it's, 

[00:27:56] Joe: well, 

[00:27:57] Harris: hey, I never kept them. 

[00:27:58] Joe: Yeah. 

[00:27:59] Harris: Hey, congratulations. Everybody's a winner. Like, yeah. Okay. 

[00:28:02] Joe: Yeah. But yeah. So hopefully you could be the dad to your, you know, future kids. Yeah. That you, you know, you wanted, I guess 

[00:28:14] Eldar: to see that you, for you to have, yeah. 

[00:28:19] Eldar: A lot of times we don't see, um, I guess their side of the story.

[00:28:24] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Right. Um, there's reasons why your dad didn't come to your game. Right. There's reasons why his dad can't be extending the same kind of, um, maybe support or unconditional love or blessings towards what he's doing. Right. There's reasons behind that or the reasons why your mom. Right. You know how you told me that your brother, Ari, Ari, felt a certain type of way about your mom?

[00:28:46] Eldar: Right. It's like, Hey, she could have raised us better. Well, could she really? Right. Considering the circumstances that she was in, like you said, your dad was abusive and stuff, and things that she went through. Yeah. Right. Could she Probably not. Right. She, she, you know, she dealt with what she could have at that moment.

[00:29:00] Eldar: She did the best she could. She, yeah. And I think that your dad probably did the, uh, did the best that he could. Yeah. And your dad and everybody's dad is trying to do the best that they could. 

[00:29:08] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:29:08] Eldar: Right. I think it's easy sometimes to point the finger but not really understand like, why is this really happening?

[00:29:14] Eldar: You know? I think we always do that with the parents, you know, like, why couldn't they do this? Why couldn't they do that? And I think it's, um, it's a thing of comparison. You know, we're looking at movies, we're looking at other kids and stuff like that. Mm-hmm. But everyone's story is so different, you know?

[00:29:27] Eldar: Mm-hmm. That same father that maybe comes to the games, you don't know, maybe he beats the kid afterwards mm-hmm. Because he didn't perform well, he didn't do good 

[00:29:33] Harris: enough. Yeah, 

[00:29:34] Eldar: yeah, yeah. You know, maybe he puts him down and stuff like that. Sure. He came to the games, but then how are you emotionally with your son?

[00:29:39] Eldar: Or whatever, whatever. So what I'm saying is that maybe we sometimes don't extend the compassion, understanding, or acceptance towards our parents that that's, that's what they can do. You know? And I think the faster we get to this place of understanding that if your dad can give you these blessings, you know, I think that it'd be foolish for you to waste your time and energy to go seek for that validation from him.

[00:29:59] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Like I told you, like if, if you know that Tony's a bad cop, right? Yeah. In this relationship. Right. Is it wise for you to go and try to share something with him? 

[00:30:07] Harris: No. 

[00:30:09] Eldar: Right. And me and you, before you shared that with him, we had a conversation, the three of us. 

[00:30:14] Harris: Yeah. I kind, that kind, that part kind of slipped my mind.

[00:30:17] Harris: Well, you see, I warned you, right? 

[00:30:19] Eldar: Yeah. You said, Hey, like I, I want 

[00:30:22] Harris: to tell 

[00:30:22] Eldar: totally, you know? Yeah, yeah. You said he told me 

[00:30:23] Harris: not to. Yeah. 

[00:30:24] Eldar: I said, no, no, that's not what I said. Yeah. What did I say? 

[00:30:29] Harris: He might not understand. 

[00:30:31] Eldar: Yeah. He might not be as supportive of, and that what you're looking for, you might not get, and I said, what to do?

[00:30:36] Eldar: What? I give you specific instruction to do something else. I said, do it 10 times. 

[00:30:40] Harris: Yeah. 

[00:30:41] Eldar: Do it a hundred times. And the hundred first time you can tell him and then he'll see it. You won't even have to probably tell him because he'll see that resonating from you. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Organically, and some people are like that.

[00:30:52] Eldar: You know, your dad might be built the same way as toll's built, for example. He wants to see the, he wants to see the, the proof is in the pudding. You know? He wants to see the pudding. He wants to see the money. He wants to see your ass. 

[00:31:05] Joe: He wants to see a track record rather than you do it once. Yes. He was like, okay, yeah, you did it.

[00:31:09] Joe: But so what? Do it consistent. 

[00:31:10] Eldar: You know what I mean? Harris, you get 

[00:31:11] Joe: good. 

[00:31:12] Eldar: Exactly. Right. And I warned you. Mm. But you did what? 

[00:31:16] Harris: You it it slipped my mind. Yeah. I went, you slipped your mind. 

[00:31:18] Eldar: No, no, no, no, no. It didn't slip your mind. Harris. Yeah. Harris was Harris. Yeah. Okay. I knew that the Harris was gonna be Harris.

[00:31:26] Eldar: Yeah. And what happened? You were riding high and then he shot me down. And then you were writing low. Yeah. Okay. So who did what here? I did. Totally. Was totally, yeah. Totally was totally. You knew totally would be this way. I warned you. Yeah, I, I know, right. And Harris was Harris. Yeah. So everything that you're doing is coming right back at you.

[00:31:46] Eldar: Yeah. You did this. And we can't blame him totally for it. Yeah. We knew totally was gonna respond the way he responded. We broke it down. Yeah. You got it. And then you felt a certain type of way. You disrespected me. How did I disrespect you? Man? You see? You don't even know, but you actually disrespecting me because I didn't listen, which I'm taking a tally of it.

[00:32:06] Eldar: I'm gonna use all this against you later. He uses this against you. Now I told you this. 

[00:32:11] Harris: Yeah, 

[00:32:13] Eldar: right? I told you. You went against my word. Well, I kind of forgot your word. Well, because you're not listening to me. If you're not listening to me. That's disrespectful. What do you mean, man? Well, listen, I'm having a conversation with you, right?

[00:32:25] Eldar: Yeah. I'm on your team and I'm on your side, and then you go and you spit on my face like that. 

[00:32:29] Harris: I didn't spit on your face, man. Theoretically. I know. Theoretically. So what happened? I'm sorry it came out that way. I 

[00:32:37] Eldar: accept your apology. I do accept your apology, but you understand? Yeah. So that was the answer.

[00:32:44] Eldar: Yeah. Remember the answer that you were looking for when I told you that there's a very specific thing, right? Same. Not to do. Right. Say nothing. When you have certain things. Yeah. When you start moving certain things and you start getting a little bit better. Right. Like in your sales, for example, you created more sales for the month of March.

[00:33:02] Eldar: Mm-hmm. You don't go running to your dad and trying to prove anything. You stay quiet and you keep staying quiet. It keeps staying quiet. You keep improving on your skill, and sooner or later we're gonna have a conversation. 

[00:33:14] Eldar: Yeah, I know. Dad, what'd you say? You wanna talk? Sit down, let's have a seat. Then you show him your ass.

[00:33:28] Eldar: Just pull it down like now you gotta kiss my ass. No, you pull down your pants and you shit in front of him and you tell him to smell it and eat it. What's he gonna say? Get the fuck outta my house, man. I'm ready to get out. You sure what I'm saying? You understand what I'm saying? And all. Yeah. When you have the proof right.

[00:33:47] Eldar: You can defend yourself if you need to. Yeah. If somebody's challenging you, you could say, okay, let's have a man to man conversation. 

[00:33:54] Harris: Well, no, what is the 

[00:33:54] Eldar: problem? 

[00:33:55] Harris: At that point, I'd probably go, you say I'd never be able to do sales. Right. 

[00:33:59] Eldar: Well, listen, you can rub it in his face if you wanna do a revenge thing, but I'm saying that you don't have to do that.

[00:34:04] Eldar: Right. You don't have to beat him to it. But if he invite you for a challenge and he wants to fight, you'll have something to come with. Yeah. I got You're not carrying a fucking toothpick to a gunfight. Mm. Because that's what's happening. Mm. Every time you come to Totally, every time you come to your dad, you get home and you know what happens.

[00:34:22] Eldar: Dead. You're done. Yeah. You're dead for the next couple of days up until we have to work you back up again. You know? Yeah. Make you believe in yourself again and potentially do something. Yeah. Joe has to be on your ass. Did you fill out the 

[00:34:36] Harris: reports? I did. Okay. Ldar helped me with the last one. Okay. 

[00:34:43] Joe: But Yeah.

[00:34:43] Joe: Uh, it's like, are you doing it to impress? Totally. Are you doing it to impress your dad? Are you doing it to one day? I'll show them. Or are you just doing it because, hey, I'm proud of myself. That's it, and I wanna share it. Yeah. But, but, uh, wouldn't it, wouldn't it come out if, uh, wouldn't it be something that you don't have to share when it's basically what you're carrying around?

[00:35:05] Joe: Like, you know, look at, uh, Jordan versus LeBron. Does Jordan have to tell everyone mm-hmm. That he has more championships? No. He has 

[00:35:14] Eldar: millions and millions of people to tell LeBron and the whole world about his accomplishments. 

[00:35:18] Joe: Doesn't have to fucking explain to anybody. No. When you look and you compare him, the two you, you, like, you don't justify shit.

[00:35:24] Joe: These are the results. And he doesn't have to tell nobody that it's right there in front of everyone. Yeah. And it's recorded. Yeah. It's obvious. So, and the people who are looking and seeing, they know. And Jordan wasn't playing too, too, uh. Shut down LeBron, because No, obviously the times were different. But, you know, he played 'cause he loved the game and he loved what he did and he was good at it.

[00:35:47] Joe: And he got good and that was his record. So anyone trying to like, you know, stop him from doing what he was doing, nobody was gonna do that. And if it's you wanting to do this and your current period of your life, and this is where you wanna be, uh, that's you. Yeah. No one else should drive it Totally is in a position where he's, he's helping you learn while you're here.

[00:36:15] Joe: Um, but it, uh, your goal shouldn't be, uh, to make tulley happy. Or, or, or maybe that, maybe that's eventually inevitably a good thing if you wind up doing that, but that original focus on that. Yeah. You shouldn't be chasing the, the, the goal. Your goal isn't to make him happy. Your goal is to do good. As a result, Toley will be happy.

[00:36:39] Joe: You don't need to Correct. You know, bring it to him and see if he wants 

[00:36:43] Eldar: to. Toley has a healthy understanding of what actual, actual steps and what things needs to be done in order to be, show something, you know for yourself. He knows those things. Right. The bar is set pretty good. Mm-hmm. High. Okay. So for you to bring crumbs to him, it's also to disrespect him.

[00:37:03] Harris: You don't want to eat that in my hand with the crumbs. You understand? Yeah. Okay. But, 

[00:37:08] Mike: um, do you, do you see as totally as like your dad, like, uh, in the characteristics that he's like, uh, always putting you down? Like, are you Yeah, because you know, whenever 

[00:37:19] Harris: I'm noticing whenever you bring something totally, he'll be like, okay, and.

[00:37:25] Mike: Yeah. He's making that connection where like, uh, if he gets the validation from to, yeah. Maybe it'll help him with his dad because it's like that. 

[00:37:32] Eldar: Yeah. There's definitely a connection, personality things. Yeah. For sure. But I think that, you know, he probably needs something like this. You know, he sees both sides of the coin, right?

[00:37:43] Eldar: Like his dad is constantly on his case, right? And he's constantly wanting to like, show him something like one little thing, like that's it. Mm-hmm. That's it. I made it like, no, like the fuck. Rightfully so, right? Mm-hmm. A hell, like a sober individual like his dad or totally in that moment's gonna say, mm-hmm.

[00:37:58] Mike: What 

[00:37:58] Eldar: is this? 

[00:37:59] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:37:59] Eldar: Get this, get this outta here. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's why I told him that if you have a, if you have a wraparound service for yourself where you can improve in many different areas mm-hmm. You have something to show for, then you can talk shit. 

[00:38:11] Joe: Mm-hmm. 

[00:38:12] Eldar: Then you can say have a he a realistic conversation.

[00:38:15] Eldar: Otherwise you're just, what is this? Yeah, of course. But then it's not enough. 

[00:38:20] Joe: Your performance suffers when your mood changes suffer. Well, correct. Right. 'cause they don't accept it based off of that. So it's That's right. It's, this is also de degradating your ability to continue to perform when I know you're trying to do these, like that's 

[00:38:33] Harris: what we were talking about today.

[00:38:35] Joe: Yeah. This is what 

[00:38:36] Harris: we talked about. Yeah. Because 

[00:38:37] Joe: yeah, it instant satisfaction of you like Yeah, this is usually 

[00:38:40] Harris: my safe space away from home. Yeah. Okay. But then I'll be working and then, you know, I think, and I'll be like, great, I gotta go home to the tormentor after work and to be in the back of my mind the whole time.

[00:38:55] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. So like the, I mean like, that's what I have a problem with. Like, the way, I mean, I dunno if I'm wrong, the, the way I feel like this is pre presented is like Harris is like a happy go lucky like little Timmy, you know? And then he goes home and he has this like iron dragon that's like mm-hmm.

[00:39:15] Toliy: Whipping him, you know? He's not whipping me, man, but he's, but you know, metaphorically, like he's a bald guy. Yeah. Like do you feel that it's being presented properly out there? 

[00:39:26] Harris: I'll have to record the interactions. Uh, 

[00:39:29] Toliy: I mean, I could like the story he, he told like Joe knows not nothing about it. Right? Yeah.

[00:39:33] Toliy: He told Joe a particular story. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And like to me it's an incorrect story. And then like, uh, well Joe, Joe didn't think so. What? Joe didn't think so. Well no. 'cause Joe's just going off the information that he got and I 

[00:39:44] Eldar: think that's the right way to go about it. I think taking it for phase value is the right way.

[00:39:48] Eldar: Because it's enough information in order to still point them in the right direction. No.

[00:39:56] Toliy: To point him in the right direction. 

[00:39:57] Eldar: What's the, is the direction not correct? That's exactly 

[00:40:01] Eldar: bury your head. Focus on yourself. Do the right thing. Stop bragging. Stop talking to your dad. It's not your dad, it's you.

[00:40:12] Harris: Okay. 

[00:40:13] Eldar: What's 

[00:40:14] Harris: your challenge there? But I have to shut him up. No. In order for him to just let up the shutting up 

[00:40:18] Eldar: part, the shutting up apart happens organically, naturally, on its own as a side effect. 

[00:40:23] Harris: So when he collateral damage, when when I go home and he ask me, am I, you know, did I look for jobs? Am I, am I still looking?

[00:40:29] Harris: And what do you say? Got a 

[00:40:31] Joe: job. Yeah. I tell him that. So what's, what's wrong? Yeah. What's wrong with he, 

[00:40:34] Harris: Hey. He goes, that wasn't our agreement. I never agreed to anything. Okay. Did you, did you say 

[00:40:38] Joe: that? What's the terms? Yeah. 

[00:40:41] Harris: Is he kicking you out wants No, he wants me to give it like three months and then walk away, 

[00:40:48] Joe: tell to go fuck himself.

[00:40:50] Harris: And he, he already knows. He goes, yeah, three months is gonna come. You know, it's gonna be another three months. It's gonna be another three months. You're not going anywhere. It's 

[00:40:57] Eldar: on. Whatcha gonna do about it? Yeah. 

[00:40:59] Harris: I, I, I mean, I, I thought about like, you know, there's a couple times I thought about buying the air mattress for the Model y Uhhuh and throw it in the bag.

[00:41:07] Harris: Yeah. Do it, park it at a fucking 24 hour, 

[00:41:11] Mike: do it. You're gonna smell pretty rack off in there, man. Yeah. And then you could bottle that smell up and sell it. 

[00:41:19] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. Guess like part of the message is right. Um, the advice, it's still 

[00:41:25] Eldar: deduced the correct way. What would you say otherwise? Yeah, no, sure. Yeah. I agree that, yeah, his dad might be right on the right side here, where it's like, you have nothing to show for, you're a loser.

[00:41:35] Eldar: You know what I mean? Like 

[00:41:36] Toliy: Yeah. 'cause like the, the, the way like to, to, to me, like it's being still described is that like Harris is like a, a victim here of injustice. 

[00:41:43] Eldar: Well, to a degree he is. Right. Not, not in totality maybe, but to a degree he is. If, you know, even, even if 20% of what he's saying is, is true.

[00:41:54] Eldar: Correct. I, there's injustice, but what, what's the like, like the injustice. I don't know. Like he just described it, 

[00:42:03] Joe: you know, dad's being his jerk off. 

[00:42:06] Eldar: Yeah. Like, 

[00:42:07] Toliy: no, but how, okay. 

[00:42:09] Mike: His dad con getss a salary. Well, that's one. That's one. Yeah. Like he just goes in his bank account, does whatever he wants. He raises rent because, uh, he felt like it.

[00:42:19] Mike: Yeah. Oh. He said, oh, you spend too much. Yeah. I'm gonna cut you. I'm gonna take more from you. 

[00:42:24] Joe: When you take your shit and you pack it and go, you compare, you compare your, how much you gotta deal with at home and how much you gotta give him and say, how much more I have to deal with any of this shit? How much more do I need to do, you know, get the fuck out.

[00:42:38] Joe: Yeah. 

[00:42:41] Mike: But then you might, you know, this is Joe's advice. What you might not be able to, you know, get, get the back with him. 

[00:42:46] Eldar: No, but you do, you didn't tell him about the benefits that when you pay him rent, you, you, you are able to put the sock on the, on the doorknob. And what does that, I remember the 

[00:42:53] Joe: sock is Don't come in.

[00:42:54] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:42:56] Harris: There's no locks on the door. You got lock locks on the door. 

[00:42:59] Eldar: You have a private session with yourself. Got can ride. He still got 

[00:43:02] Harris: the, uh, the doorknobs from 1960s on the, on the doors in the house. Okay. 

[00:43:07] Joe: If you put on a, a lock on your door, would you get mad? Oh, yeah, dude. 

[00:43:11] Harris: Oh yeah. 

[00:43:12] Joe: I mean, 

[00:43:12] Harris: I, I, there a couple times I thought about you see the landlord, like what do I get here?

[00:43:16] Harris: You know, there's a couple times I, uh, I, uh, thought about moving down to the basement because it's like two separate things. Mm-hmm. And there's like a separate door for the basement. 

[00:43:26] Joe: Mm-hmm. 

[00:43:27] Harris: I, I thought about doing that, and he has to keep it locked, like the main door because of the cat. He can open the door.

[00:43:33] Joe: Listen, any way you slice it, your dad's gonna be breaking your balls. Hmm.

[00:43:41] Eldar: It is not like that, man. How many times did you wink? You tell Joe that one night? 

[00:43:48] Harris: Uh, how many in which one? 

[00:43:51] Eldar: I don't know. Recently you told told us average numbers? Yeah, it's like 

[00:43:54] Harris: five. You said three to three to five. Depending on the night. I got a lot of juice filled up. What's the hour? What's the hour 

[00:44:00] Toliy: span?

[00:44:01] Toliy: That's all in five minutes. 

[00:44:04] Harris: Look, I, I'll sit there, uh, how many hours? I'll sit there watching like an hour porn video. He watches two. He watches two hour long full videos. Yeah. Before you get started, he, 

[00:44:13] Toliy: Joe, he said he watched an hour and a half videos straight. No way. That's crazy, right? Yeah. You gotta, you gotta take a break for a little bit movie and then when the good 

[00:44:21] Harris: stuff is going on, you gotta start up again, you know?

[00:44:24] Harris: Yeah. But are 

[00:44:24] Joe: you touching yourself until like the whole time or are you 

[00:44:27] Harris: No, you gotta take a break. 

[00:44:29] Joe: Oh. But you're jerking off for an hour and a half. No, five. Are you coming five 

[00:44:32] Harris: times. Well, I mean, the last couple times are like air, but you know, like Air Alaska, just air. Oh, so, so it, it's an hour and 

[00:44:40] Toliy: a half movie.

[00:44:41] Toliy: So if I'm doing, and then he says he starts eating, 

[00:44:44] Harris: eating some chips. Yo, what is wrong with you, bro? I never said chips. Stop adding in that shit. You don't go for a snack and between seven, bro. Listen. All right. Defenses been a little while since I've been laid, man. Okay, that's 

[00:44:56] Joe: fine. Why don't you, uh, why don't you stand in front of your bed with your dick out and let your dad walk in and he'll stop walking in on you, 

[00:45:02] Toliy: dad.

[00:45:03] Toliy: You know what time it's, 

[00:45:04] Joe: yeah. Just like stare at him. Just turn 

[00:45:06] Harris: around and go game time. Yeah. With an erection. 

[00:45:09] Joe: Dad, you're coming in when having an erection. 

[00:45:12] Harris: What you doing? What's wrong with you? Listen, I'm still young, man. I got a lot of juice in the tank. Yeah. All right. Yes. I'm not, I'm not 40 yet. Yeah, 

[00:45:20] Joe: you're still juice when you're 40.

[00:45:22] Eldar: Don't worry about it. 

[00:45:22] Harris: Mm-hmm. 

[00:45:24] Eldar: You'll be fine. Yeah. If you make it to 40. 

[00:45:28] Harris: Oh man, come on now. 

[00:45:29] Eldar: You got 14 years. You know how much, how much time that is. We almost cut your finger off six months ago. 

[00:45:34] Joe: You know what I mean? You listen to that podcast. Of course. That's how I got ahold of you. You remember what was my, my business when I was coming to interview.

[00:45:42] Joe: What was the name of it? Environ. 

[00:45:46] Harris: Yeah. That wasn't you, man. That wasn't me. That, but yeah. But you know, listen, man, there's no locks on the doors. It just sucks. Yeah, 

[00:45:59] Joe: yeah. 

[00:45:59] Harris: Well, I mean, it's common sense, man. 

[00:46:02] Joe: What does your mom think of, uh, of you being here? 

[00:46:06] Harris: Um, at first, uh, she was not over on board with it, but she's accepted the fact that my mind's made up.

[00:46:14] Harris: Go for it. Do what you can. But she said don't get brainwashed. Yeah. Yeah. She listened to the couple of the podcasts. Yeah. And she said the same thing. Why did she listen to this one? She said the same thing as John, that it's a cult-like mentality. Yeah. And, uh, my dad asked, what the hell is this podcast about?

[00:46:33] Harris: She goes, you don't wanna listen to it. It, it's cult. It's basically like cult. 

[00:46:38] Joe: It is, it's true. Have they seen, have they seen any like, uh, change in you that they they consider like my mom has and she doesn't 

[00:46:47] Harris: like it. 

[00:46:47] Joe: She doesn't like it. No. She likes you as your old, the old parents. Yeah. She, 

[00:46:50] Harris: she feels like I'm being changed.

[00:46:52] Harris: Uh, my whole personality, she, she doesn't like it. 

[00:46:55] Joe: I mean, I don't know too much about the way you were before this, but I 

[00:47:00] Eldar: only assume No, but No, no. I'll explain to you why. And I, I think it's, it's supposed to be this way, right? I think that, uh, when you don't know shit from shit and you kind of just a people pleaser, right?

[00:47:10] Eldar: You say and do things mm-hmm. In accordance to a very specific rule set that the society taught you how to do. Sure. Right. And in this case, right, he's the nice guy, you know, part of the family, whatever. You know, if you start thinking, if you start paying attention and really start reasoning, you start asking questions.

[00:47:27] Eldar: When you start asking questions, you start challenging people. Mm-hmm. That starts to hurt real quick. Where is this coming from? Oh, you're doing this, this is the new, this is the new job you got, oh, you're doing the podcast or you're doing this stuff. 

[00:47:38] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:47:38] Eldar: Those individuals quickly start making connections, connecting the dots.

[00:47:42] Eldar: Mm-hmm. This stuff is changing you, you becoming bad. 

[00:47:45] Joe: Mm-hmm. 

[00:47:45] Eldar: Even though you feel completely the opposite, you're like, wait, I'm more empowered. Like I'm seeing things for what they are. The way I used to live is incorrect. I wanna succeed. 

[00:47:53] Toliy: It's also, it's also if you're in a bad place yourself and someone else that you view as like an idiot.

[00:47:58] Toliy: Is like improving. Like you can't feel happy for that. Like, like you want them to come back to you. 

[00:48:03] Joe: It's not only that, like the people under the stairs, like do you want them to come back under the stairs? Yeah. Yeah. I was just talking, Mike. Sounds like China, Mike today about, 

[00:48:10] Harris: this is with like my brothers and even my mom.

[00:48:15] Harris: I feel like, uh, the differences, like when we were younger, we were closer, but not John. Of course, me and John were never really that close, but I feel like the distance that's there and I'm lucky if I talk to John once every four months. Uh, my other brothers shit, I haven't been talking to Ari since, uh, the, my, my, my nephew's birthday.

[00:48:44] Harris: I don't know when that is, but it's probably a long time ago. That was like three months ago. Okay. So, you know, I don't, there's a distance there and I feel like it's pretty obvious. That we're going in separate directions. Ari is somewhat successful. He's a GM of a hotel, but you know, we, we don't have the same mindset anymore.

[00:49:05] Harris: I brought it up, uh, that trust was dead. I, I, when I went and visit mm-hmm. I said, did you know trust was, trust is dead. What the fuck are you talking about? He said, yeah, man, he's fucking dead. Yeah. He goes, stuff, fuck are you talking about, man? And I'm like, well, you know, if you have to tell someone, Hey, trust me, I'm not trusting that person.

[00:49:24] Harris: Like, you know, why do you have to convince me to trust you if I know it's not something I I should be doing, I'm not gonna do it. You know? And uh, he goes, you make no sense. 

[00:49:34] Joe: Yeah. Well, do they, do you know what the type of shit they're gonna go through when they realize you've become the president in f 

[00:49:41] Harris: you know, in 2050 they might not get into the White House, man.

[00:49:44] Eldar: They might, they might do the firebombing and shit that they're doing. Try to withdraw your shit. Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:49:48] Harris: We might have to get, uh, which one is the defense secretary? That's you. 

[00:49:55] Joe: Oh, 

[00:49:55] Harris: please. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's right. It was taken away from Toley, right? That's right. All right, Toley, did 

[00:50:00] Joe: it work for you? 

[00:50:00] Harris: Huh?

[00:50:01] Joe: You gonna let Toley work for you? 

[00:50:02] Harris: That's not a good idea. 

[00:50:03] Joe: Tell him to get his shine box. Oh, you gotta get 

[00:50:05] Harris: the shine box, man, Joe said. So 

[00:50:07] Joe: Shine the, I'll tell, 

[00:50:08] Harris: uh, I'll tell Joe to bring you the scraps from, uh, the kitchen later. You've been demoted. I'm gonna assassinate the 

[00:50:13] Toliy: president. Uh, you gotta, and by president, I mean President Harris Schuster.

[00:50:20] Harris: But yeah. You know, I feel a rift, I feel a distance between us, you know, different mindsets. Uh, my, my brother goes, Hey, does your boss need like a editor? Mm-hmm. Said, yeah, that's not a good idea. And he goes, why? And I go, because you're not gonna like the topics. He's very democratic, very liberal, uh, post stuff all the time on the internet.

[00:50:46] Harris: That somewhat pisses off the family because he is posting stuff about Israel and all this different shit. And the family's Jewish. And it's like a lot of them don't like what he's posting. Um, but I say, you're not gonna like it. He goes, why? Tell me one of the, one of the topics. So I said, okay. I told him the best one, the woke mind virus.

[00:51:06] Harris: And he goes, because originally he's like, no, I won't care. A paycheck's a paycheck. I said, okay. Woke mind virus. He goes, yeah, I'm out. I was like, all right. That's one way to shut him up. 

[00:51:16] Eldar: Yeah. But you know, that's also not fair, Harris. You can't just say the walk mine virus and just scare some people away. I think that anybody, he's not gonna like it.

[00:51:22] Eldar: Anybody who's sensible, who has some reason listens to the podcast, it's, it's more than that. He 

[00:51:28] Harris: doesn't have reason. Okay, fine. In that case, he's a very liberal type of guy. Yeah. That is trying to get his name out there by posting all this nonsense. Mm. And trying to get 

[00:51:38] Joe: likes. Just love your family and, uh, and that's what you could provide, you know, you, you can't get something out of someone that I.

[00:51:47] Joe: Like expectations when you expect something and like, uh, this should be what I be, I am receiving from you, but, uh, it's not coming. And then you, you, you put, you feel like, like almost like the service that you're not getting it, you know, just let that go. Get it from friends, get it from, you know, if there are other family members that you still get it from.

[00:52:10] Joe: But the problem, well, if 

[00:52:12] Eldar: you never had relationships, you never, never built relationships that are real. Like I was, these are, these are relationships. Sure. But these are new. Yeah. I was 

[00:52:19] Harris: talking to my, my dad, but 

[00:52:20] Eldar: you, you sure you have have that right? Me and you have that for a very long time. Mm-hmm. And we can provide that.

[00:52:25] Eldar: Right. And you can kind of say that I was, but for individual who kind of steams all he has, that's all he has. And his family is his family. And 

[00:52:32] Harris: I, I talked to my dad's cousin who, uh, she lives actually right down the road from here. Mm-hmm. Uh, and I was explaining, you know, she goes, I hear you got a new job.

[00:52:41] Harris: And I said, yeah, you know, uh. It comes with some great perks. It's a lot of fun to do. And I was explaining what it is, and she goes, that's good. And my dad was in a different room and I said, yeah, but my, my dad doesn't like it because, you know, I'm not making the best money right now. You know, I'm still learning.

[00:52:57] Harris: I'm still doing this and I'm not, you know, showing enough for him to like it. She goes, forget about him. If you're happy, if you enjoy this job, do it. Who's this? My dad's cousin. 

[00:53:09] Eldar: Your dad's cousin? 

[00:53:10] Harris: Yeah. 

[00:53:10] Eldar: Well, so did you. Yeah. But that doesn't stick. Right? It's, it's nice to hear. Yeah. It doesn't stick, but 

[00:53:15] Harris: it's not like she's gonna tell him to get off my case.

[00:53:17] Harris: Yeah, 

[00:53:18] Eldar: I 

[00:53:18] Harris: know. He still has 

[00:53:19] Eldar: to come home every single day. Yeah, yeah. Right. And if his dad wants to have a conversation every single day, she's not gonna stand there and say, Hey, get, get out, get outta here. But the 

[00:53:27] Harris: moment he, he hears me come in the door from downstairs. Mm-hmm. And he sees me walk past his room to go to mine, put my stuff down, and then he pop in.

[00:53:38] Harris: Hey buddy. You know, you should have 

[00:53:42] Joe: your dick out by, by that time, by that time. Pull your pants out just really quick. Just walk in every 

[00:53:47] Toliy: day. Put the sock on the door. Yeah, 

[00:53:48] Joe: yeah. No pants on every time you come in. Just immediately. What? I walk in the room. What am I paying for? No. Yeah, 

[00:53:55] Toliy: no. As soon as you get home, run to your room and put the sock on.

[00:53:59] Toliy: Yeah. And get naked. 

[00:54:01] Joe: Yeah. That's it. That's it. Dad, you, every time you come in here, you see the sock. Keep coming here. You're looking at my dick. Are you gay? Why are you gay? Why are you gay? Why are you gay? This getting weird. This is a 10th time this week. Dad, what's the matter with you? You never heard of knocking?

[00:54:19] Joe: Well, even, you know, sounds like you, you, you do it enough. He's gonna just keep coming 'cause he wants to see the p shalene. Damn. 

[00:54:28] Eldar: So, um, Joe. 

[00:54:30] Joe: Mm-hmm. 

[00:54:31] Eldar: As you can see. Harris happens to be actually, um, gay. Yes. What the fuck, man? No, it's kind. I'm kind of going there. Thank you for reminding me of where I was going.

[00:54:41] Eldar: He's kind of was in tune exactly with what you brought in. You said Eldar. I was thinking about a topic, right? Yeah. Why are the closest people in our lives hurt us the most? Right. There you go. Mm-hmm. Why? And before you continue and we continue exploring this topic, I told Mike a very specific thing today too, when we were thinking about this whole situation and other things in the kitchen.

[00:55:04] Eldar: I said this, um, everyone, everyone I think naturally, inherently and innately okay, would like to brainwash other people around us into their worldview. Mm-hmm. Okay. This is something that's part of us. Right? What, and the way I explained it, it was like, okay, I. A lot of times, what do we like to do? Like when we figure something out, right?

[00:55:31] Eldar: And it feels good, maybe we wanna share it. Mm-hmm. Right? So we want to put the other individual like, oh, Joe, you know that new pizzeria place in New York City? Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Right? What happens is, right, he saw something, he saw a commercial, whatever he got sold, sold by it, and now you would like to what?

[00:55:49] Eldar: Take that worldview and put that upon you. Mm-hmm. Right? So then you guys can connect. Right? So what I'm saying is that innately we always wanna share this happy moments with one another or whatever. Right. 

[00:55:58] Toliy: What what if, um, 

[00:55:59] Eldar: and if it doesn't work. Yeah. 

[00:56:01] Toliy: No, I, I, I was, I was gonna say, what, what if, like, if you wanna bring it back to like God, right?

[00:56:07] Toliy: Mm-hmm. What if the way that, um, mankind is made, it was made because the purpose of it was to spread the truth, right? So that's like an innate thing. Is that like, you wanna, it's a very good point. Like you need to spread the truth to save kind of, almost 

[00:56:24] Eldar: like That's right. What. Yes. And that's what I, I tied it to, remember I tied this to the soul, right.

[00:56:29] Eldar: If an, if the soul inherently has this built in us mm-hmm. That we have to share good. Right. Doesn't mean that we always share good. Right. We share nonsense too. Right. And I don't think the soul maybe has the, this, um, can distinguish between what's good and what's bad. Right. Necessarily. I think it just, that's what it's built in to do it this way.

[00:56:47] Eldar: Like he just said, like, God, right. So we can spread the truth. We do this organically and naturally without even knowing. So we're trying to brainwash. Right. His dad is trying to brainwash Harris into his dad. Shit, your dad tried to brainwash you into his shit and it goes on. I'm trying to brainwash you guys into this shit.

[00:57:06] Eldar: You know what I mean? This is what's going on. You know, we're trying to brainwash each other into our own worldviews on many different topics. Mm-hmm. And when it doesn't work well, we get mad. His dad is mad. Your dad is mad. Right. Put his hands on you. You know, he's stopping him in, you know, in the middle of whatever, like, you know, jerking off, off, we're jerking off and stuff, you know, killing your high yo, you know?

[00:57:33] Mike: So, so what do you think? You don't wash your hands after to lunch? Of course I did. What 

[00:57:39] Eldar: do you think about that theory? 

[00:57:40] Joe: Yeah, I think it's, I think it's, uh. 

[00:57:44] Eldar: Relatable. It makes sense, right? Yeah. You what you, you trying to brainwash your son, you're gonna try to brainwash your son into it, right? Yeah. Right.

[00:57:52] Eldar: And you're trying to brainwash your wife into it, and she's trying to brainwash you into it, right? Mm-hmm. Hey, Joe, check out these fucking, I don't know, lib, liberal shit. I'm just an idea, right? Yeah. Right. And you like, yo, try to check out these Republican ideas, you know? Yeah. And it's a back and forth of brainwashing.

[00:58:05] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Into our own worldviews of what we believe or what we deem to be good, healthy, happy, whatever. Mm-hmm. Right? And a lot of times the soul doesn't really know what's actually good or bad. It's just doing what it's supposed to do. That's where the battery is. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? But if you really examine.

[00:58:25] Eldar: Then that's when you find out whether or not it's good or bad, whether or not it's healthy or unhealthy, whether it feels good or not. You know, that's the weeds that we need to make out. So I think that your dad, Joe's dad, anybody else's dad, all the parents or anyone else is doing what we're supposed to do.

[00:58:41] Eldar: We're trying to brainwash each other into our own worldview. 

[00:58:44] Joe: Yeah. 

[00:58:45] Eldar: At any means, because it feels good when we do, right. It feels good to have friends that see the same, the world the same way, right? We, like, for example, after this, we can get on computers and play CS together. Mm-hmm. That's a, uh, an activity or a hobby that we all share together, right?

[00:58:59] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Or we go play basketball together, rock climbing together. Together as the part, right? Yeah. Mm-hmm. And then what we're trying to brainwash totally into it now, right? Mm-hmm. And, and then Harris next, you know? Mm-hmm. With many different ways, right? To show them that our worldview is cool. You should join us and benefit the way we benefit.

[00:59:16] Harris: So yeah. It is quote like mines, I told you this. Yeah. 

[00:59:20] Joe: The only difference between cults and this is cults. Yeah. You gotta sleep with, you 

[00:59:25] Harris: gotta sleep with the master eventually. Yeah. Yeah. You gotta start giving, giving it up. Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is not yp days, man. I can't sit on your lap. 

[00:59:32] Joe: Hey. So yeah, that's the difference.

[00:59:36] Joe: I mean, when you know your, your master banging you in the ass, then you're in a cult. 

[00:59:42] Harris: Well. Metaphorically. You did start buying a, you did start giving us all those, uh, Dennis Rocks metaphor T-shirts, man. Who's 

[00:59:49] Eldar: fucking you in the ass? Metaphorically? Me or your dad? What, what 

[00:59:54] Joe: that, that, that question just fucked him in the ass.

[00:59:57] Joe: Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah. 

[00:59:59] Harris: What kind of fruit are you party, you, I don't got no candy for you, man. Listen, 

[01:00:03] Joe: think 

[01:00:03] Harris: about it about a 

[01:00:04] Eldar: couple years that you'll understand what I asked you. Yeah. You know what I mean? 

[01:00:08] Joe: Metaphorically? 

[01:00:09] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:00:09] Joe: Who's fucking union ass? Your boss or your dad? 

[01:00:16] Harris: I'm trying to lube you up, bro.

[01:00:17] Eldar: I'm not giving it up, man. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're not giving it up, man. 

[01:00:22] Harris: You know he ld you up. Totally. He's been looping me up.

[01:00:29] Harris: Taking you to the private office, the private island. Oh shit. It's the Epstein Island. No, it's Bermuda. Diddy's there though. It's simple. What? Epstein 

[01:00:40] Eldar: Diddy? Yeah. He's there. Sean. Puffy Combs. So, Joe, back to your topic. Yeah. The family's the closest ones. Yeah. Why? I 

[01:00:49] Joe: also have a theory on that as well. Why? I mean, that's who you originally start off with.

[01:00:55] Joe: Yeah. That's your, that's your crew, that's your gang. That's, that's everyone around you, that's in your personal space all day long. Yeah. You know, they know everything about you. Everything. You know, they're the, they're the the first ones to hurt you. The first ones to why? 

[01:01:12] Eldar: Well, there's, uh. And, and, and it could hurt you hard.

[01:01:16] Joe: Yeah. And I know why, why do you think, you know, why? So, you know, it's either not out of their intention 

[01:01:24] Joe: mm-hmm. 

[01:01:25] Joe: But if it is their intention, it's, uh, it's to try to get at a reaction or, uh, get it, get, get some type of change. But why can they do it in such a way where it hurts the most? Because they, because they know, you know what bonds to push?

[01:01:40] Joe: What's your most vulnerable thing? Yeah. What, what triggers you the most? What's That's right. Why do they know? '

[01:01:45] Eldar: cause they, they, because you at some point showed your ass. Yeah, yeah, 

[01:01:48] Joe: yeah. 

[01:01:49] Eldar: That's what it's right. I think that, um, we naturally trying to open up to our family members, right? Because our family members and we're like, happy go lucky.

[01:02:00] Eldar: Nobody's gonna hurt us. Nobody's gonna hold this information against me one day. The secret that I told them, you know. That, that I'm incompetent here, or I don't know this, or I don't know that Right. What hurts me and stuff. And guess what, when the fight breaks out, they're pulling all those receipts.

[01:02:14] Eldar: Mm-hmm. And you're like, wait, what the fuck it's supposed to be my family member. Why are you doing this to me? That's why I hurt so much. Mm-hmm. I think because they have the inside information on you, 

[01:02:25] Joe: but also when they're hurt. Yeah. The, you know, their way of retaliating 'cause something they can't process or that, you know, something that they process that hurt them.

[01:02:36] Joe: Mm-hmm. 

[01:02:36] Joe: And retaliation, they feel better if they hurt back. It's like that, you know, when that kid, uh, takes a toy away from, from the other kid, the other kid cries, hits that kid. Mm-hmm. Takes the toy back and then you have to teach these kids. This is not how you play. You share, you don't hit each other.

[01:02:55] Joe: Violence. Yeah. No violence. But like, it's when he felt violated by his toy being taken away. His reaction was, now I need you to feel that pain and I'm gonna hit you. 'cause I know hitting you hurts, and then you're gonna cry. Yeah. And then, you know, it's uh, it's like a vicious cycle. Cycle, you know? And if you can't handle something happening Yeah.

[01:03:17] Joe: Uh, you don't know how to process it, you're just gonna throw back at an even worse shit that's gonna make the situation even worse. 

[01:03:25] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:03:25] Joe: And then that person also can't handle that, that they, they were just hurt. And then it goes back to them. It's a revolving door. And, uh, that's why family hurts, you know, you know, you always get hurt by the word.

[01:03:40] Joe: As we 

[01:03:40] Eldar: start to adult Harris, as we start to become older and wiser, guess what? 

[01:03:47] Joe: Hmm. 

[01:03:50] Eldar: To some degree we start understanding that sharing information without closest ones becomes a danger point or warning zone. Right. Where it's like, okay. Should I be sharing this with them? Yeah. Should I be more careful? How is this gonna, how is this gonna come back to me?

[01:04:08] Eldar: Will it come back to me? Right. You start getting a little bit more paranoid, right. So you become a little bit more distant. You come becoming a little bit more reserved, which is a good thing because you're becoming wiser. Right. You'll know what to say to someone versus the other. Yeah. But like, you know, who can hold your information or your truth, or your secrets or your vulnerable moments and who can't.

[01:04:29] Harris: Yeah. But like, you know, for like my brother, right. When I don't talk to him 

[01:04:34] Eldar: mm-hmm. 

[01:04:36] Harris: I feel like it's punishing the kids. Right. So whenever my mom's there, okay. I have a tendency to call, but I only do that like I said, once a week. Maybe. Maybe once every other week. Okay. Right. Because even with my mom, it.

[01:04:57] Harris: Turns into a horrible phone call. 

[01:04:59] Joe: Mm. 

[01:05:00] Harris: Because like I said, right now, first thing and it spits out is she goes into the politics and I don't want to hear it because it always goes wrong. Mm-hmm. Okay. But, you know, I love those kids. I want to see those kids, you know, and I feel like not calling my brother all, you know, a decent amount of time I'm taking away from the kids.

[01:05:26] Harris: What are you taking away? Not saying hello, you know, what does that do for the kids? They always loved talking to Uncle Harris. I mean, there's times where they'll grab, they don't speak English. Yeah. What do you mean, man? They don't 

[01:05:38] Toliy: give a fuck. They're Mexican. 

[01:05:40] Harris: There's times like, uh, illegal. They grabbed, uh, they grabbed Gamma's phone.

[01:05:46] Harris: That's what they call her, gamma Gamma. Uh, they grabbed Gamma's phone and they called, uh, uncle Harris and I went to pick it up. I'm like, oh, mom's calling. I go to pick it up. Yeah. And here's Tatiana's face, like right there. I was like, does Gamma know you have her phone? And she'll be screaming, running to Gamma with my face on the screen, you know?

[01:06:07] Harris: But, you know, I love those kids and I try to get as much face time as it can. 

[01:06:13] Eldar: That's a way of you showing love to them? 

[01:06:15] Harris: Yeah. Okay. It's my way of, no. Trying to let them know that Uncle Harris didn't forget about them. Uncle Harris loves them, you know? 

[01:06:23] Eldar: Mm-hmm. That's 

[01:06:26] Harris: for 

[01:06:26] Eldar: you 

[01:06:26] Harris: or for 

[01:06:26] Eldar: them? 

[01:06:29] Harris: Uh uh I try to make sure it's for them.

[01:06:32] Harris: Mm-hmm. 

[01:06:33] Eldar: Alright. 

[01:06:34] Harris: You laughing 

[01:06:36] Eldar: a little bit? 

[01:06:37] Harris: What's so funny, man? 

[01:06:38] Toliy: Your face, man. 

[01:06:40] Harris: Like John put his, uh, wedding as like the, the background for like the TV whenever it goes dark. And my mom just told me that whenever the pictures come up, uh, the, the kids start screaming. There's Uncle Harris, there's Uncle Harris.

[01:06:58] Harris: Uh, where is Uncle Harris? And my mom goes, he's at home. Uh, can we go to his house? No, he lives in New Jersey. You know. 

[01:07:10] Joe: Where are these other people in Nebraska? Yeah. 

[01:07:13] Harris: But you know, I'm like, they don't scream. There's mom, there's dad, and they shit. They go no, because they live in the house, but they see you pop up on, uh, on the TV and they start screaming.

[01:07:22] Harris: You know, there's Uncle Harris, you know, kind of 

[01:07:25] Eldar: makes you feel a certain type of way. Yeah. 

[01:07:28] Harris: You know, 

[01:07:29] Eldar: you like to be the hero. 

[01:07:30] Harris: What do you mean hero? 

[01:07:31] Eldar: Like for the kids? 

[01:07:34] Harris: Yes. 

[01:07:34] All: Well, 

[01:07:35] Harris: I love 'em, man. I helped, I helped raise them for the first three years, you know. Uh, I was there when Tatiana came out of the womb.

[01:07:46] Mike: You delivered the baby? 

[01:07:47] Harris: No. 

[01:07:48] Mike: Oh my. That's disgusting. 

[01:07:50] Harris: You know, I raised her from help raise her. No, I understand everything. Why don't speak English? Fuck you, man. But you know, it kind of feels upsetting, you know? 'cause what, what's upsetting That you had to continue to 

[01:08:05] Eldar: go living your life. 

[01:08:05] Harris: No, no, no. You know, it just upsets me sometimes.

[01:08:08] Harris: You know, that, uh, I miss big parts of their life, you know? Okay. 

[01:08:16] Toliy: That's good. 

[01:08:16] Harris: Why? Why? You 

[01:08:17] Toliy: gotta make it like that, Joe. You know, why don't you go back there? 

[01:08:20] Harris: No, man. 

[01:08:21] Toliy: You could be part of their life. Yeah. What's wrong 

[01:08:23] Harris: with you? 

[01:08:23] Toliy: That's fucked up actually, that you're out here. Yeah. It's selfish of you. Yeah. 

[01:08:27] Harris: Why?

[01:08:27] Harris: Taking away from the I had to, man. It wasn't the place for a single man. Oh, 

[01:08:32] Joe: okay. So then that let them get to where they need to get to. The same way you did. Yeah. Just go over there and bring some presents. 

[01:08:42] Harris: Oh, that's what I did when Christmas came around. Yeah. Uh, my financial advisor said, you fucking nuts.

[01:08:49] Harris: Don't buy too much. Oh, I did. I spent like 500 on the kids. 

[01:08:55] Joe: Sometimes it's about just showing up and this experience and giving 'em a stock. The company. Mm-hmm. Making something with them, like, you know, experience. 

[01:09:03] Harris: Yeah. 

[01:09:05] Joe: Not materials. 

[01:09:06] Harris: Well, you know, I wasn't around so I guess I tried to spoil 'em a little bit.

[01:09:10] Harris: Yeah. It's a, 

[01:09:11] Joe: it's a wrong, uh, mentality 'cause you know they're gonna expect it every time. No, it's just, it's not, it, you know, the presence is that we're gonna, it's gonna show you love. It's, you know, you Yeah. It's not the item from China. Yeah. 

[01:09:25] Eldar: But when you're not enough, Joe, the item from China Trumps you.

[01:09:29] Eldar: Yeah. Oh no. I was enough, 

[01:09:30] Harris: dude, the entire time I was there. The kids would not let me sit by myself. They have to be sitting on my lap. So I had three kids on me the entire time. Same in close. Did you ever get a, what's wrong with you, man? 

[01:09:48] Joe: No. But say three to five times a night? Yeah. What the hell? Two. I got some great pictures.

[01:09:52] Joe: Had you find a time for your private private time? 

[01:09:55] Harris: Yeah. When the kids went night and night? No, I, I did my own thing. In the living room. No, you 

[01:10:02] Joe: gotta do this every night to let the demons out. 

[01:10:04] Harris: Not every night. You know, you cool off the mind. You need a release sometimes, Joe. Yeah. Release evil. I don't have a woman in my life, so 

[01:10:11] Joe: you gotta release to evil.

[01:10:12] Joe: I know. The, 

[01:10:13] Harris: the hand. You know. What about the little mama? What's wrong with you, dude? Alright. 

[01:10:18] Joe: You got a little mama? A little side's point at 

[01:10:20] Harris: Pam Wentz. Oh, she's a little mama. What's wrong with this is not Mitch, man. All right. This is not Mitch to 

[01:10:26] Joe: Yeah, when the lights are off. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Off the hall.

[01:10:29] Joe: Everything 

[01:10:30] Harris: goes. That was wrong with you guys, 

[01:10:32] Eldar: man. So guys, are we saying anything about the situation, man? Paris, what'd you learn man? 

[01:10:40] Harris: I learned that I share way too fucking much, and I try to please people. Why get them for Val? I 

[01:10:47] Mike: He doesn't understand the way Harris, the, the functional is of that thing that he's trying to do.

[01:10:53] Mike: Harris. Yeah. 

[01:10:54] Joe: Put it this way. If God forbid, tomorrow you wake up and everyone's gone, what do you mean? All your fa family? Everyone gone Uhhuh tomorrow. No one, no one could call you. You can't call them. They're all, they vanished. Yeah. What would you do tomorrow? 

[01:11:14] Toliy: You yank it 

[01:11:14] Joe: four 

[01:11:14] Toliy: times, 

[01:11:16] Joe: you yank it. Like 

[01:11:16] Harris: they just van, they're gone.

[01:11:18] Harris: They're 

[01:11:18] Joe: outta your life. You can't access them, they can't access you. I probably feel like shit. Okay. Okay. But, but tomorrow, what would you do? Uh, tomorrow, Saturday. Okay. Let's say it was Monday. Okay. I walk around the house, I continue 

[01:11:32] Harris: with my life, you know, I'd go to work, go to work, you 

[01:11:35] Joe: know, and gotta keep doing what you're doing, right?

[01:11:38] Harris: Yeah. Yeah. You know 

[01:11:40] Joe: why? 

[01:11:42] Harris: Because life goes on, man. That's, that's a good point. Life goes on. I mean, sure. It would be fucking sad. 

[01:11:48] Joe: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But, but, but say that, say that the, you know, not the emotional side of it. Like whether you're sad or happy 

[01:11:54] Harris: life, life goes on, you know? 

[01:11:56] Joe: Yeah. But, uh, but then would you be living for yourself?

[01:12:00] Harris: Yeah. And you 

[01:12:01] Joe: have to. And what, and what can you tell the difference between that version that I just explained? Mm-hmm. And the version you're living, you're doing right now. What's the difference between those two? Harrises. 

[01:12:14] Harris: The Harris is no longer trying to please someone else. He's no longer trying to prove to someone else that you know, he's doing a good job or he is trying to do something or he, he closed a big deal.

[01:12:26] Harris: He's just continuing to work for himself, I guess. 'cause there's no one to please 

[01:12:31] Joe: and it's no nothing holding you back. Yeah, just move and go. Yeah. So then can you do that currently being that your family is not outta your life, can you still wrap your head around that aspect? Like you would still be able to move on?

[01:12:45] Joe: Would you be able to do it even though your family's still in the picture? 

[01:12:51] Harris: I'll try. 

[01:12:52] Joe: Well, I mean, it's your choice, right? Yeah. 

[01:12:55] Harris: I just kind of, I guess do what you said and kinda bring up to my dad, you know, about, you know, I'm happy, you know. 

[01:13:04] Joe: Yeah. Even this conversation still may not even, 

[01:13:08] Harris: not even 

[01:13:09] Joe: process.

[01:13:10] Harris: Yeah. 

[01:13:10] Joe: Any, any, you know, any change into his mindset. So there could be a waste of time. But if you wanna, it's worth a 

[01:13:17] Harris: shot. 

[01:13:18] Joe: If you wanna voice, that's fine. Um, and when he says, Hey, did you look for another job? Say, I'm still happy where I'm at. Thanks for asking. Yeah. Thanks. Thanks for asking. What's going on?

[01:13:27] Joe: What else is going on tonight? Watching the game. When, what are we getting for dinner? Just change the subject. Yeah. 

[01:13:35] Harris: Or worst comes to worst if he continues or sit, puts on a either get outta the house, you know, there's always there mattress for the Tesla. 

[01:13:43] Joe: Yeah. But you could always lose that Tesla. 

[01:13:47] Eldar: Yeah.

[01:13:47] Eldar: When Doge guns look, look, nobody's telling you Harris here to be disrespectful towards your Dodge. Yeah, I know. You know what I mean? Um, but my dad's one, despite of what it might all look like to the Yeah. Naked eye or the individuals that might be listening to this podcast and like, oh, these guys versus the family or whatever, everything is gonna point towards the fact that, um, if you actualize yourself as a person, as a man, right, as a professional mm-hmm.

[01:14:11] Eldar: Uh, all your relationship should improve. Yeah. Right? And it's gonna improve for the better. It's not gonna, they'll 

[01:14:17] Toliy: improve always. Huh? They always improve. 

[01:14:19] Eldar: Well, yeah. It's a guaranteed result. Right. Uh, right now your relationships are built on nothing. You've been trying to maintain them on the Chinese toys that you buy them and they're not going anywhere.

[01:14:33] Eldar: You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Um, we see it. You see it. You can't trick that. You know what I mean? So if you actualize yourself, actually do something about it. Right. You're gonna have, I think, more meaningful conversations with everyone in your family. 

[01:14:47] Harris: Yeah. 

[01:14:47] Eldar: And I think that your family, like we talked about your family, Mike, right.

[01:14:52] Eldar: How many years it's been right. Since we put on certain wheels in place, right? You said to me today, Emma came around. Hey, she starts coming around. You know, I'm starting to notice, what'd you start to notice? Mike? Give us your testimony. 

[01:15:04] Mike: Uh, she starts coming around, uh, wanting to like, recap work stuff, talk about how the day went.

[01:15:11] Mike: Mm-hmm. Uh, talk about what's going on, you know, strategize, ask questions, ask for help. Yeah. 

[01:15:19] Eldar: She never did this. So, so, yeah. To, just to give a backstory, right? For, for a very long time, Mike was not, look, was looked at as a leader or person of knowledge of some stuff, right? Like a lot of times his, you know, his sister who works with him, made assumptions and did things the way they wanted to do, never asked questions, never asked for guidance or help, right?

[01:15:38] Eldar: They pretty much disrespected Mike and, you know, so. To make the short. A long story short, you know, this is a very big thing, right? So for a very long time we were trying to figure out a way for Mike to position himself in such a way where we can get their attention. You know what I mean? It's now, it's been years, right?

[01:15:54] Eldar: Of consistency of being, doing the right thing, trying to do the right thing, right? Having change many behaviors that Mike had. And now we finally start seeing people are being a little bit more receptive. People are coming to him now, asking him questions and having more of a conversation about meat and potatoes versus some nonsense from before.

[01:16:13] Eldar: You know? So that's to show you Harris, that it might take years. It probably will take years in your case, it probably will take decades. He'll be dead by then. Good. But he missed out. He'll try again next life, you know? Yeah. 

[01:16:28] Joe: But like you change your mind in order to change your ways, which Mike did. Yeah.

[01:16:33] Joe: On his own, which then changed other people's minds. And behaviors in their ways. Right? Yeah. It's a ripple effect. 

[01:16:40] Eldar: Yeah. Right. Um, and slowly people start coming around. It's gonna take some time. Some people will come around faster, you know, oh, some people, some people will come 

[01:16:50] Harris: around slower. Trust me. Uh, my sister cut off my dad, I told you this.

[01:16:54] Harris: Yeah. For two years. Mm-hmm. And, uh, you know, it was a fucked up time when she did it because he's, he had two different cancers at the time. And my, when my dad went to break it to her that he had two different cancers, he tried calling, she sent the call is the voicemail. So he sent her a text. Her response was, uh, I can't deal with this right now.

[01:17:17] Harris: So she didn't talk to him for two years. And eventually my dad, you know, said, what can we do here to restart our relationship? Of course, my sister goes, you have to go to one therapy session. And so he went, and then she tried saying, you gotta go multiple times. She's a little bit of the, the woke mind.

[01:17:36] Harris: Okay. Uh, the therapist, uh, blamed everything, you know, her, her, uh, mental health on my dad. Let's say you were raised terribly, you know, your dad was a 

[01:17:48] All: Wow. What kind of therapist is this? The p was a biased therapist, though, is also Harris's story. No, no. This is my dad's. Thank you for bringing, this is my 

[01:17:56] Harris: dad's story.

[01:17:57] Harris: My dad's good comment coming from you. Okay. Yeah. This is my dad's. But, uh, he basically goes, for some reason this therapist, you know, has this idea here that, you know, I, I'm the enemy. He asked me, he goes, was I a bad dad? And I said, no. Uh, you know, 

[01:18:11] All: he lied to him. Yeah, that was a lie. Good lie. You say you hate him.

[01:18:14] Harris: He, he asked me, you know, growing up, growing up, he, it was great. It was fun. We always hung out. We always did stuff. I enjoyed going to work with him when I. Wait, my sister is a Wow. A laser. Well, she's a, uh, this is a blazer. You said What is, what is it called? She, she is a, what is it? What is it called? A poly.

[01:18:36] Harris: Oh, where they, that means where they, they, she, she's engaged. Engaged. But she she's poly. Yeah. But she has multiple relationships. Yeah. She's engaged. She called. She, she, she, she goes with women and men and, you know, weird stuff. Yeah. But she she's happy You're saying multiple relationships. 

[01:18:53] Eldar: She's happy. 

[01:18:53] Harris: Yeah.

[01:18:53] Harris: She's happy. Yeah. You know, of course that's a topic you can't bring up with it. You can't bring it up. Yeah. Like my, my dad, uh, saying, yeah, you know, your, your fiance, he's extremely nice and she made sure to say. It's not he, it's they. 

[01:19:11] Eldar: Whoa. And did your dad see him naked? They naked they penis? No. 

[01:19:17] Harris: And so you can have like a, like a, they has a, a mustache, like, uh, one of those, uh, one of those, you know, back in the day when you go to a carnival and they got that weird looking shape of mustache.

[01:19:27] Harris: Yeah. He's got the monopoly mustache. Mm-hmm. I'm sorry, they Yep. 

[01:19:32] Eldar: Apologies. Be nice. Be nice. 

[01:19:35] Harris: Come on. I'm, I'm sorry. They, uh, this gets me confused. Okay. But you can't like, you know, so you get to the point. So anyway, he ended up coming around and getting back in the life, doing the steps. Uhhuh, but he, he goes, our, our relationship will never be the same.

[01:19:52] Harris: Yeah. But you know, like he's resentful that she, he's resentful because at the time Yeah, it was fucked up. You know, he had cancer and she wasn't there for him when he had the cancer. Yeah. Mm. That, that is fucked up. I will agree with that. Sure. You know, there's a lot of fucked up shit out there. You gotta let 

[01:20:07] Joe: it go at some point.

[01:20:08] Harris: But, uh, 

[01:20:09] Toliy: maybe he did a bunch of fucked up shit to her 

[01:20:12] Harris: that he's not telling me to lead 

[01:20:13] Toliy: her to beli, to, to feel this way. Yeah. 

[01:20:14] Harris: Maybe, maybe that he's 

[01:20:16] Toliy: not 

[01:20:17] Harris: telling me what you think. I should have a conversation with her and be like, yo. 

[01:20:20] Toliy: Yeah, I think that you should call for a family group session, but everybody has to be naked.

[01:20:25] Toliy: Oh, oh. And then you go over how everybody feels. 

[01:20:28] Joe: Hmm. 

[01:20:30] Eldar: Alright guys. Yeah. Final thoughts on this topic? Oh, shit. On this topic. Don't, what's the topic again? Harris? What's the topic again? My, I thought we were still introducing 

[01:20:40] Toliy: the topic. 

[01:20:41] Eldar: Oh. Listen, we would prolong this, but we do have a dinner reservation, therefore we need to a little bit wrap it up.

[01:20:48] Eldar: And I think that, come on. Totally. It's your 

[01:20:49] Harris: favorite time of the night, man. I think. Fuck. 

[01:20:53] Eldar: Final thoughts or food? No, the food part. The final thoughts could be lengthy, obviously. That's why. Give us some. So what's 

[01:20:59] Mike: the topic? Remind me so, because I, I, Paris, 

[01:21:02] Harris: I wanna make sure Harris is still with us. The topic.

[01:21:04] Harris: Okay. Do I need to go into it again? It's, uh, no, 

[01:21:07] Mike: just remind me quick. 

[01:21:08] Harris: Okay. It's about, I guess pleasing is part of it, right? Trying to impress, uh, sharing too much, uh, and taking it to heart what other people think. Yeah. Being gay. Thanks Joe. This is a great help, man. Great job. 

[01:21:28] Joe: Don't be gay. Just be 

[01:21:29] Harris: nice, but, you know, uh, yeah.

[01:21:33] Harris: Uh, not, I feel like the topic should be not to try and not care what other people think. Just live for yourself, I guess. Cliche thing, right? The cliche thing 

[01:21:43] Eldar: that people say all the time. 

[01:21:44] Joe: Yeah. I think you're togging outta your ass. What do you mean, man? I think you're saying what you want us to hear in this podcast.

[01:21:50] Joe: No, I 

[01:21:50] Harris: have to learn how to do this. Yeah, I do. Unless why? I'm not gonna, when you learn, actually, did you, 

[01:21:58] Mike: when you learn the truth, you don't have to do anything like that. Yeah, exactly. You just do it with the truth. Yeah, 

[01:22:03] Harris: yeah. I know. 

[01:22:04] Mike: Explaining to us you don't do it. Like your intention is still coming from like a 

[01:22:09] Harris: Well, I have a lot of learning still to do.

[01:22:10] Harris: Okay. Yeah. You gonna do it or whatcha do about it? You gonna learn it or you just gonna, yo, don't do that. Face it. It doesn't look good on uh, your head, man. My little weird, weird Turkish truck. Yeah, you got the bobblehead. I told you. Don't worry Bobblehead. Don't worry. Christmas is gonna come. You gonna buy me a toupee?

[01:22:28] Harris: Give him a wig. No, no, no. I'm gonna get a bobblehead made of Mike's head. Perfect. I'd love it. Alright, Harris, right? 

[01:22:37] Mike: Yeah. Okay. So that's the topic. All right. So you basically said nothing. 

[01:22:42] Harris: Why do you wanna hit the button, man? 

[01:22:45] Mike: Yeah. Um, on the, on the topic. So who wants to go first? Yeah. Yeah, might too. Of course.

[01:22:49] Mike: I didn't know what it is. Uh, I was, yeah, I'm, I really know the topic is, but I'm gonna say something. I'm not sure if it's relevant or not. Mm-hmm. But like this, like, uh, Harris is, uh, would like to find out how to like, have, um, I don't know if he wants to have a better relationship with his dad. He's definitely not, I'm not sure if he's saying that right now, but he'd like to not have the same turmoil that he is having with him, where it's like very stressful and, and building up the stuff, um, with him.

[01:23:22] Mike: But the problem is that he still wants his validation, you know? And, um.

[01:23:33] Mike: That's a crazy, crazy thing, I think. Um, and I also had that like thing too with my dad, you know? And, uh, so I know where you're coming from, where like, you know, I wanted to retire my parents and that was like part of like getting validation from them. Like, yeah, you did a good job. Like you made us proud.

[01:23:51] Mike: You know, so I know where you're coming from, but, um,

[01:24:00] Mike: it's the only person that can give you validation or, but I don't know if it's would be considered validation. Is, is probably yourself. I kind of knew you were gonna say it yourself. 'cause the measuring stick is not your dad or me or eld. Totally. The measuring stick that like you go up against is something like, uh, like the, um, 

[01:24:25] Harris: you're rock 

[01:24:26] Mike: climbing.

[01:24:27] Mike: Rock climbing. Yeah. 

[01:24:28] Joe: Well, totally. I mean, uh. Harris, if Toley would've gave you the participation trophy that you said you used to get when you played baseball, how would've that made you feel when he went, oh yeah, you made it. So, okay, hold on one second, Harris, here's your trophy, and then you go, what would you do with that trophy?

[01:24:46] Joe: Would you, he would suck that trophy. I probably, 

[01:24:48] Harris: I probably, uh, appreciate it. Uhhuh shove up his ass. 

[01:24:52] Joe: Okay. So 

[01:24:53] Mike: that's 

[01:24:54] Harris: the, if totally final thoughts is if, 

[01:24:55] Mike: if Toley would've gave you praise, you would've shoved up his ass. 

[01:24:59] Harris: Well, it's, it's petty praise. That's basically what Joe was saying. 

[01:25:02] Mike: That's Well, what I, but that, but did you consciously know that going into ask him?

[01:25:07] Harris: Well, he led with, uh, the, uh, uh, participation trophy, so it sounds like, oh, so yeah. So you're basically going over this narrative? Yeah. Okay. Well, 

[01:25:17] Joe: well, what I'm trying to say is in life, do you seek that bullshit trophy or do you just want to, you know, 

[01:25:26] Harris: I want it to be earned. 

[01:25:28] Joe: But Yeah. Yeah. But, but do you, are you like looking for a trophy at the end of it, or are you just looking to do it because it's something you want to do?

[01:25:37] Joe: Or are you looking for a trophy? Uh, 

[01:25:40] Harris: it's something I want to do, but you know, trophy will be 

[01:25:42] Joe: nice. Trophy. 

[01:25:42] Harris: I also wanna put a, a smile on, uh, this goofy looking guy. Well, I, 

[01:25:47] Joe: you know what, when he will be smiling is when you actually get the, the championship trophy that you win when you're, when you actually prove that you get a trophy.

[01:25:55] Joe: 'cause you want something. Mm-hmm. Then he'll have a smile. But like, you know, until, until then it's, 

[01:26:02] Eldar: and you know how his smile is, he's never gonna give you a smile, like a physical smile. It'll be a form of not being able to say anything back. Yeah. 

[01:26:10] Harris: It should just be the 

[01:26:12] Eldar: No, just be like, now you're finally doing what you to be doing.

[01:26:15] Eldar: Yeah. This is what he, like, what do you want me to do? That's the measure or that's the bar that was set. Right. And like at that point. The smile would be also unjust. Yeah. Like, you'd, like I don't need the smile. Like, I don't need the acknowledgement because the acknowledgement Right. Comes from where me, yeah.

[01:26:34] Eldar: From the work. Yeah. No, you're good, man. Well, actually paying attention, 

[01:26:37] Toliy: so no, but the way that he approaches is that he wants, of course, like he, he's doing it to me in like the, um, not like the, um, like the, uh, request for like, uh, approval. Like, uh, like ci I did something. Yeah. A request for approval. Like, like away.

[01:26:54] Toliy: Yeah. Right. And when he does that mm-hmm. Like, yeah. Like to me it's always like, like, like it is what it is. Right. But I'm not like, 

[01:27:01] Joe: yeah, maybe he thinks that he really, you maybe he thinks he's never really gonna, gonna, gonna get there. So he is gonna take these little achievements and like try to prop 'em up and be like.

[01:27:11] Joe: Fake it. Fake it. But also they're 

[01:27:13] Eldar: disrespectful though, right? Yeah. They're disrespectful attempts, right? Yeah. 'cause like I said, to me, the disrespect came from not listening to what I gave the advice. Mm-hmm. Fine. But I knew he was gonna fail. Yeah. Right. It's like this is obvious, right? Mm-hmm. So totally.

[01:27:26] Eldar: It's a disrespect because he's sending him crumbs. Yeah. Like crumbs. Mm-hmm. 

[01:27:30] Mike: Like he wants the big deal. No. I have a question though. Maybe, maybe I'm not getting it, but for Harris, for your, you guys are saying that like he, he's asking for part participation trophy. Mm-hmm. But what scale are you using to make that call?

[01:27:46] Mike: Are you using your scale or using his scale where this might be a huge thing for him? Mm-hmm. Based on his level. 

[01:27:52] Eldar: Doesn't matter if, if, yeah, but we are not trying to, we're not trying to argue subjective truths here. We're actually trying to talk about the objective truth that applies to all of us. 

[01:28:00] Mike: Yeah.

[01:28:00] Eldar: Right? Mm-hmm. Just because of his, this participation trophy for subjectively is big for Harris. So what. Yeah, but he doesn't, so what? He 

[01:28:08] Mike: doesn't understand that. 

[01:28:09] Eldar: Yeah, but sure he doesn't understand that. But should we praise him and say that? Oh yeah. His behavior. That's a nice illusion, bro. That's a nice trophy.

[01:28:16] Eldar: We shouldn't, 

[01:28:16] Mike: but I think it's important for him to understand what's happening. Oh, well that's what we're trying to do. That's the point of acting in that This is what, this is what we're doing. No, but I'm not sure if he's understanding why you're acting that way. Well, he's not. He's not supposed to.

[01:28:27] Mike: Should he 

[01:28:28] Joe: understand that it's important that Harris should be happy to make that he made the sale, not because he's gonna get appraised for it. Yeah. He should be happy that he got, you know, for himself that he got the sale and more to come the results. You know, where the S 

[01:28:43] Eldar: actually comes from? From understanding the connection in between cause and effect.

[01:28:48] Eldar: Real. Real. I think our real happiness, this is where it is cause and effect. If we understand cause and effect, right. That we did this. This happened. Mm-hmm. And if it's really closely tied to that, the actual truth of what actually is going on, and we are empowered by this and we can manipulate the cause mm-hmm.

[01:29:04] Eldar: To get the effect mm-hmm. That is desired, obviously. Mm-hmm. Right. That's it. That's the actual happiness. This is not what's being had here. He closed the sale, he don't even know how to fucking, he closed it. Mm-hmm. It was just luck, the call luck. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because the Okay, sure. Like everybody's gonna, that guy 

[01:29:19] Joe: needed it.

[01:29:20] Joe: He was there, you picked 

[01:29:21] Eldar: up the phone, the perfect time, whatever. You know, like, this wasn't like a call where it's like this was a challenging call. He was able to provide information, challenge the person. Mm-hmm. You know, follow up, be diligent, like so many different things that said I did this. Mm-hmm.

[01:29:34] Eldar: You know what I mean? He's not there yet. Boom. So ultimately I think this is what we are actually looking for. That's where the happiness actually lies. 

[01:29:42] Joe: Yeah. 

[01:29:42] Eldar: Right. It doesn't matter that whatever he defines happiness to be 

[01:29:46] Joe: mm-hmm. 

[01:29:46] Eldar: Looking for approval from dad, looking for approval from Totally. Or whatever, whatnot.

[01:29:50] Eldar: Right. Yeah. I know it doesn't matter. 

[01:29:51] Mike: I get that 

[01:29:51] Eldar: there's a 

[01:29:51] Mike: certain formula, but I think he's, he's operating out of that thing, and that's why I think what's happening now is that we're, uh, explaining to him what's actually happening. Yeah. Like he's using the wrong scale. 

[01:30:02] Eldar: Yeah. Harris, that's why we began this conversation with what, right.

[01:30:06] Eldar: We said you had an experience, Harris. Yeah. Right. And that experience was true to you. Right. It was also true experience because we also witnessed it. It was objectively a much better call than you usually have. You had a conversation. Mm-hmm. Right. You felt good from it. We felt good from it because we heard it.

[01:30:25] Eldar: Right. Yeah. It wasn't like, wow. Amazing. But it was better. Better than the usual, than the average that you've been having, right? Yeah. And you felt a certain type of way from it. So it's the truth. You know what I mean? Why, trying to go validate it from someone else who does, who wasn't there? I don't know.

[01:30:40] Eldar: You know, 

[01:30:41] Toliy: you 

[01:30:41] Eldar: don't know, or you, 

[01:30:41] Toliy: he also didn't explain at all what happened. Oh, that's even worse. What do you mean? He just said, he, he, he, he, he said today he is like, yeah, I talked to El and Mike. We had a good conversation and, uh, we had a long conversation. Spoke, spoke to a prospect. It was a good call today.

[01:30:56] Harris: That's 

[01:30:56] Mike: it. I said, there's a, to me, I said, they helped me, man. And he probably communicates this way with his dad as well. No, man. No, not 

[01:31:03] Toliy: prob not probably. 

[01:31:05] Mike: No, definitely. 

[01:31:06] All: She's definitely, he's a hundred percent right. Yeah, 

[01:31:07] Toliy: yeah, yeah. He also lies to us that during this process Oh wow. Not anymore talking about lying.

[01:31:14] Harris: Not anymore. 

[01:31:15] Toliy: He tells his dad that he is looking for a new job. 

[01:31:18] Harris: You are a liar. I did that to get him off my back, but I ended up becoming clean that I'm not doing it anymore. And I did, you know, I, I did apply to different places to. Because he wanted me to. Kyle was like, do you want me to help you with that resume?

[01:31:30] Harris: No, I'm good. I Where did you fly, man? That's fucked up, man. Your mom's house. Yay. You got the job. I know. 

[01:31:38] All: Alright, Mike. But yeah, so, 

[01:31:42] Mike: so, uh, so 

[01:31:44] Eldar: you got the challenge about how he's perceiving it? 

[01:31:47] Mike: Yeah. No, yeah. No, I wanted to ask about that, that, but I understand what you guys are saying. Yeah, yeah. But I just wanted to make sure, like, I guess I wanted him to also understand it 

[01:31:55] Eldar: because, well, that's ultimately what we're trying to get to, right?

[01:31:57] Eldar: Yeah. We're trying to have him understand the truth for the truth. Yeah. Yeah. And not for something that he subjectively thinks is the truth. Yeah. 

[01:32:03] Toliy: I, I, I, I just don't think that you can just like, like, like a lot of these things, like, I think they need to be explained, um, like, uh, not, not through conflict, but like, through like, um, oh, it is conflict.

[01:32:16] Toliy: Well, a hundred percent. Yeah. Argument is through conflict. But you like, you can't like just explain it to somebody, I think, and then they're gonna actually like un. Understand it. Mm-hmm. Oh, sure. And I also don't think that, um, why, why not expand on that? Why? 

[01:32:32] Eldar: Because 

[01:32:32] Toliy: he 

[01:32:33] Eldar: is not understanding it. No, no, no, no, no.

[01:32:34] Eldar: He, he's putting an emphasis on the importance of a fight and a conflict. I know why he's doing that, but he's not explaining why it's very important what he's saying. Expand on it. Um, why did you say that? 

[01:32:46] Eldar: Why is the conflict super necessary? Mm-hmm.

[01:32:52] Eldar: All say it. Oh, fuck you said that for fucking no reason. 

[01:32:55] Mike: No, 

[01:32:56] Eldar: no. Like he just sh screwed in the wrong direction. Man, that's crazy because I agree with this. No, he, he, yeah. No, 

[01:33:01] Toliy: I'm, I'm just trying to figure out how to understand it, but I know that there's a moment that's important in that Okay. Uh, conflict.

[01:33:08] Toliy: The moment is fact. That learning fact this person 

[01:33:10] Eldar: is, has attachment and that's his view. Worldview. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And he has attachment towards his worldview, and he gets something out of it, despite the fact it's fucked up worldview. Mm-hmm. He still gets something out of it. Mm-hmm. These crumbs is what's filling him.

[01:33:23] Eldar: Yeah. That, you know what I mean? That's all he knows. It's his, that's all he, if you feel it, that's all he knows. Yeah. If you feel 

[01:33:28] Toliy: a particular way, and then like, like you, you, you, you feel that way and then like, okay, like whatever. Right. And I actually just say like, Hey Mike, like, like, uh, this is actually wrong, right?

[01:33:40] Toliy: Like, this is the correct answer. Mm-hmm. And then like, for example, like, this is what's going on. Mm-hmm. Right? Without like some kind of battle happening where they're like. Like, like what you're saying is at stake, or what I'm saying is at stake. 

[01:33:52] Joe: Mm-hmm. 

[01:33:52] Toliy: Like, I, like, I, I, uh, I don't think the mind is activated, like, like at all, 

[01:33:58] Mike: you know?

[01:33:58] Mike: Is that by design or by, that's by design. 

[01:34:00] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:34:01] Mike: Uh, it's by design. So it's impossible to, for people to learn without conflict. Like in this situation. 

[01:34:06] Eldar: In this situation, yes. Because the attachment, right? Mm-hmm. The attachment to the way I'm doing it with my dad, the conversation, it's the only way you can do it.

[01:34:15] Eldar: Mm-hmm. He's convinced of this. Mm-hmm. So when Joe gives an advice, you give an advice. He gives, I give an advice to say, try this. Mm. You know what is gonna happen? No, I tried it all. It ain't gonna work. Yeah. No, I get it. I see what you mean. That, that's 

[01:34:25] Toliy: like, 

[01:34:26] Eldar: you 

[01:34:26] Mike: understand you gotta fight ignorance. You don't believe us with more ignorance.

[01:34:29] Mike: You don't believe even louder. That's why you, 

[01:34:30] Toliy: you can give like, like we can talk about Harris in front of him mm-hmm. At all times. Give him every answer to everything. Mm-hmm. And it does not matter. 

[01:34:37] Joe: Mm-hmm. 

[01:34:38] Toliy: Like, he's not gonna pick up those answers. And then like use them and actually apply them in his life and change those things.

[01:34:44] Toliy: We can openly talk, talk about Yeah. Every we give him gold and he's like, this is dirt. Every answer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Until you get into that fight where it's like, all right, like, right, you bring it, I bring it, and then 

[01:34:56] Harris: we're 

[01:34:56] Toliy: gonna see what happens. 

[01:34:57] Harris: Mm-hmm. So I, I need to get pinned against the wall. Whoa.

[01:35:00] Harris: That's whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Why are you looking at Joey? That face in my face? 

[01:35:05] Joe: No, that's not what, that's not what made things better. No. The thing is, I think there's a formula to it. I think you learned a certain formula or ways, like the way you were, the way you have convinced yourself, like, like, this is how to do things, or this is, this is, this is like working, or this is what I know.

[01:35:27] Joe: Like when you work backwards, you kind of unravel all that. Like the bullshit that, like that's, I. That's there right now in, in your, in your mind, and you like strip yourself down to nothing. And you start up, you start fresh. Uh, because what you're doing is like, repeating, repeating, repeating the same old bullshit.

[01:35:48] Joe: It's not gonna change. It's not gonna, you know, you're not doing anything. Right. So, with that being said, the fact that you know that your current situation, the current formula you've learned doesn't work, and you say, well, maybe I need to unravel this, detach, detach from it, and then learn a new formula, learn a new way, and, and practice a different, um, routine in a different, like, approach.

[01:36:15] Joe: Approach. And sometimes you gotta like, let, let go of, of what you've already accumulated, what you've already learned, all these, all these ways, and kind of like step back, cut it out, and, and then approach it a different way. Mm-hmm. But like, that's e it's, it's easier said than done. It's a fight. That's why it has to be a fight.

[01:36:33] Joe: Mm-hmm. 

[01:36:34] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. Part, part, part of I think the lifelong lesson, I think just in general, most people go on, but it's very difficult to learn, um, like ear early on is like, um, accountability here, 

[01:36:46] Joe: right? Mm-hmm. 

[01:36:47] Toliy: That oftentimes, like, I don't think it's any of our dads or any of our parents or like, like any of us, any, any, any of them.

[01:36:54] Toliy: It's like they're gonna be who they are. Right? It just how, how you act, how you understand it, how you go with it. Can you joke with it? Mm-hmm. Can you have fun with it? Mm-hmm. You get angry with, with it what, what's going on. Mm-hmm. Right. And I think that you have a hundred percent the ability to, to control, 

[01:37:13] Harris: agree those outcomes, no matter how I agree with that.

[01:37:14] Harris: I do agree with that. 

[01:37:16] Toliy: Those parents are Yeah. But, but we often get owned, uh, like my. Few times in these scenarios. 'cause our parents are hawks for every time we slip up onto some something. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So if we're individuals who are slipping up way more times than not, we're gonna get destroyed.

[01:37:35] Toliy: Yeah. We're not gonna be ready. Yeah. Because like Harris has given his dad a a million reasons why he's an idiot and he's incompetent and he does this over and over and over and over again. 

[01:37:45] Joe: Yeah. 

[01:37:45] Toliy: So if that's the case, like how could you not act that kind of way? Mm-hmm. Right. 

[01:37:50] Joe: Totally. 

[01:37:51] Eldar: Right. He comes here and he openly says, guys, I am an idiot.

[01:37:53] Eldar: I need to learn. Yes. You think that's the same thing with his dad? No. He can't say that. He has to look competent. 

[01:38:00] Toliy: Yeah. But then his dad sees the incompetence while he's pretending to be competent. Competen. 

[01:38:06] Joe: Okay. Yeah. But you know, he'll, he'll stop seeing you incompetent when you have a, a rager staring at him in the face at nine rage.

[01:38:14] Joe: Nice. All right. Final thoughts, 

[01:38:16] Eldar: Joe? 

[01:38:16] Joe: Um, don't be gay. Don't be gay. Uh, final thoughts is this, if the, if the participation trophy is, is ultimately gonna make you happy when you're holding that bullshit trophy, then go get it. But if it's not, then stop looking for it. 

[01:38:37] Eldar: Good. Thank you, Joe. Um, totally. 

[01:38:40] Toliy: No, no. Like, I, like, I, I always go back to, on these topics, I mean, like, what, what I just said.

[01:38:44] Toliy: I feel like the, the, the realization that like, it's in your power, it's in your ability for any of these things, I think will always be like a very clear path as to like what to do, you know? And I think like what, when you act in that kind of way, if you're doing the right thing, like no one could tell you anything.

[01:39:05] Toliy: No one could like say anything. No one could sway you any kind of way. 

[01:39:10] Eldar: Yeah. Did you understand that? Not really. That if you, shit don't stink, nobody can tell you it stinks. Bad metaphor because shit thinks. Yeah. In reality, shit always stinks in, in bad metaphor for him. Right. Metaphor away I understand what, what you're in like a metaphor 

[01:39:23] Toliy: away.

[01:39:24] Toliy: El will fart into his parents' mouth and they'll like it and they'll have no problem with it. 

[01:39:28] Joe: Yeah. 

[01:39:31] Toliy: They'll say thanks and I'd like some more. 

[01:39:33] Joe: Mm-hmm. 

[01:39:34] Toliy: Got it. After he had Indian food. Oh my god. 

[01:39:38] Eldar: Paris, what are your final thoughts? 

[01:39:42] Harris: I got a lot of work ahead of me. Thank you. 

[01:39:44] Eldar: Yeah, thank you. Thank you. As in like, thank you.

[01:39:47] Eldar: I'm done with the podcast episode or Thank you. As in like for you guys actually helping me out, I. A little bit of both. Oh, okay. 

[01:39:53] Harris: Cool. I always appreciate you guys helping me out. Yeah. All right. You know, I would still be in the slums if it wasn't Yeah. For us. 

[01:40:01] Eldar: Yeah. That's why, uh, my final thoughts are number one, I think it's very interesting to see how this whole thing plays out.

[01:40:07] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Right. With you. Especially because as you can see, it's, um, it's a challenge, not just for you. It's also a challenge for us, right. We are constantly thinking of ways to spark your mind, to have you be curious and have you ask questions and really, and really see things for what they are. What by that means that you're in a dirty ass cave, muddy and ugly and filthy and smelly, right?

[01:40:29] Eldar: And we're trying to tell you, Hey Harris, you see that light at the end of the tunnel? It's better up there. You are like, nah, I'm used to this. Leave me alone. You're trying to make me go to heaven, man, we're trying to help you out. I think that's what it is. You know, and it's funny that you use those choice of words to explain it, but I think that's exactly the journey that we're talking about.

[01:40:47] Eldar: If 

[01:40:48] Toliy: this works, Harris, this is history. 

[01:40:50] Harris: Yeah. I wanna sit there, uh, 90 year, year old and tell my grandchildren nobody 

[01:40:55] Toliy: has 

[01:40:55] Harris: witnessed Harris. I used to be uhhuh. Nobody witnessed a lizard monkey turn into evolution of man. 

[01:41:03] Eldar: Nobody saw a monkey turn into a human. Harris. Yeah. You understand this? Yeah. No one. If we do 

[01:41:09] Toliy: this, not only will everyone benefit, we'll all be rich and famous as well.

[01:41:16] Toliy: Guaranteed. Okay. That's the trophy. 

[01:41:19] Eldar: Yeah. All right. All right. Yeah, so thank you guys. This was great. So thank you. Tune in for next episode. Amen. Jesus. Yay. 

[01:41:31] Harris: Thank you.