163. Friendship

"Am I a good friend, and what does it mean to be a good friend?"

In this episode, the hosts delve into the complex dynamics of friendship and self-examination. Mike raises concerns about his role as a good friend, questioning whether self-criticism and internal doubt are justified. The conversation touches on themes like consistency of character, mutual respect, and the true nature of friendship. Through various discussions and personal anecdotes, including Harris's interest in ghost hunting, confrontations with family expectations, and workplace dynamics, the episode explores how friendships are tested, built, and nurtured. Ultimately, the dialogue underscores the importance of honesty, mutual understanding, and the willingness to challenge each other for personal growth.

X

Chapters

• 3:11 Discussing Friendship
• 5:39 Consistency of Character in Friendships
• 14:07 Fake Friends and Real Friendships
• 43:09 Friendship Dynamics
• 56:05 Challenges in Sales and Friendship
• 1:16:09 Family vs. Friends
• 1:24:50 Obsession vs. Friendship
• 1:42:41 The Value of True Friendship
• 2:06:42 Objective Truth and Philosophy
• 2:29:18 Mike's Self-Reflection on Friendship
• 2:47:14 The Nature of Authenticity in Relationships
• 3:01:47 The Journey of Personal Growth
• 3:17:38 The Power of Creativity and Self-Belief

Transcript

[00:00:00] Mike: On this week's episode. Sometimes I feel like I might not be a good friend. That's why I brought it up. But I wanted to see if that was my own lack of like self-confidence or my over, like, uh, judging myself. Or if it's the reality 

[00:00:13] Toliy: in your friendships, if the word like challenge, if that does not exist in your friendships, if you don't find them challenging at times, okay, you're probably going nowhere with those friendships.

[00:00:25] Eldar: You can be a very good friend if you, despite of your shortcomings, understanding those shortcomings, raise your hand and say, you know what? I might be a bad friend, but I'd like to learn

[00:00:44] Eldar: Tom. All right guys. Tom, welcome back. It's good to see you. Thank you. It's always refreshing to see you, Tom. Yeah. No matter at what part of the day, what time of the day. It just refreshing. So it makes you wanna fart. 

[00:00:56] Toliy: Uh, yes. If that's a, you know, but I see the crazy value of bringing Tom, like, on like a, uh, trip.

[00:01:02] Toliy: Oh, you see it now. I see it. Like I don't have the same piece. It's refreshing. I don't have the same piece. Like I told 

[00:01:07] Eldar: you this already. Yeah. 

[00:01:07] Toliy: What did you say again? I say like, I, I, I said like I, you understand the value that you bring to, like, bringing you to like a trip. Did you understand? Do you understand the value?

[00:01:16] Toliy: Appreciate, do 

[00:01:16] Eldar: you understand the actual value or do you just roll rolling off of what I was going on? 

[00:01:20] Toliy: No, I, no, I understand the actual value. Okay. 

[00:01:22] Eldar: Yeah. So this is the train. Tom, do you understand the value that you bring to the trip? To this trip? No, to any trip. Anytime you travel, let's go to Bermuda.

[00:01:31] Eldar: Whatever country, Aruba, there's like, there's a specific thing that you bring. Wait, it's 

[00:01:35] Tommy: totally under the impression that I'm on, I'm on this trip, this next trip. Of course, I'm not on this trip yet. 

[00:01:39] Eldar: No, you are gonna be, it's just you love us, Tom. You're gonna find a way. Yeah. Tom, we, we always find a way, Tom.

[00:01:46] Tommy: I do. I appreciate that compliment, guys. Yeah. You know, 

[00:01:48] Eldar: appreciate, and this is gonna be a nice eclectic group, so you're gonna, you're gonna love it. Yeah. 

[00:01:54] Harris: Oh God. He doesn't know yet. 

[00:01:55] Eldar: Yeah. Doesn't matter. But Tom, yes. Um, we're totally saying is actually, we're gonna roll off of that. Right. What we're trying to reference is that when Tom comes around, right.

[00:02:07] Eldar: Especially trips, it's very like, um, obvious when he comes on trips, he brings a very specific energy, a very specific set of behaviors, set of tendencies, that it's his staple. It's like, um, it's like a billboard. I am here, I am Tom, and that's it. You know, and I love it. I enjoy it. Right. So rolling off, it's like 

[00:02:29] Tommy: a book cover with no pages in it.

[00:02:31] Tommy: Wow. It's like a book. Yes. A 

[00:02:32] Eldar: book. A 

[00:02:32] Tommy: nice 

[00:02:32] Eldar: book 

[00:02:33] Tommy: cover. Yeah. 

[00:02:34] Eldar: Oh, pages. Pages are blank. 

[00:02:35] Eldar: Yes. Correct. 

[00:02:38] Eldar: So that brings me comfort Harris. Mm-hmm. Something about that little phenomenon that, you know, uh, that I experienced brings me some kind of comfort. And anytime he comes through through the office doors, you know, there's some kind of consistency, there's some kind of thing, um, that brings peace or just brings up my day, like a refresher.

[00:02:57] Eldar: You know, not saying necessarily Tom's doing anything very specific, and I think that's why he's confused right now. 

[00:03:03] Harris: Yeah. Sometimes he sits on your lap. Sometimes he sits on my lap. What else does he do? Yes. Um, I'm just blinking. Yes. Blink. 

[00:03:11] Eldar: But, um, today's topic is friendship. Okay. Mike, I know you wanted to discuss, this is a big one.

[00:03:19] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Right. Maybe you can start us off as to why'd you wanna pick this subject, this topic. Mm-hmm. It's a really good one. We haven't spoken about it probably in a long time. 

[00:03:28] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:03:28] Eldar: Maybe ever. Uh, I don't remember. 

[00:03:30] Mike: I think we had a podcast on friendship. We did. Right? I could be wrong. 

[00:03:33] Eldar: Uh, but this, then there's gonna be a nice refresher.

[00:03:35] Mike: Mm-hmm. What about it? Well, the reason the idea came about. I was questioning myself, whether or not I'm a good friend and what it means to be a good friend. 

[00:03:50] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:03:52] Mike: You know? Yeah. So I interact with many people daily. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And, and the president as well. Mm-hmm. And I wanted to make sure that in those interactions, I'm being a good friend.

[00:04:06] Mike: Yeah. Because a lot of times you tell me that I'm a good friend to you mm-hmm. And, um, but I also wanna make sure that I'm a good friend to others. Yeah. You know, because I think there's something there where when you say it, I feel like there's like some confidence that I can draw because it, it reassures me or reassures me maybe the way I thought about it, that maybe I'm, uh, doing the right thing or being a good person.

[00:04:31] Mike: Part of that is, is being good friend. Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah. So that's, that's where the idea came from. Mm-hmm. 

[00:04:40] Eldar: All right. Uh, does anyone have anything to add on good friendships besides the, obviously the cliche things, like, to be a good friend, you have to be loyal, you have to be honest with your friends, right?

[00:04:52] Eldar: Like, um, what else do the people say? Um, have their back, but yeah, 

[00:04:58] Mike: those are like, uh, cliche ones. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, those are 

[00:05:01] Eldar: the more so obvious ones, right? That we say like a lot of the times, um, be there for 

[00:05:06] Eldar: one another. I don't 

[00:05:07] Harris: know why you would ever question that, man. 

[00:05:10] Eldar: Uh, I'm gonna say that, that's why I asked that.

[00:05:12] Eldar: Yeah. I think that, uh, if we dive a little bit deeper besides, you know, without mentioning those kind of concepts, right. I think, um, you get very interesting when it comes to, um, friendship. Hmm. And I'd like to, like I said, bring in, uh, an example, a different type of example. Right. I'm not sure if, um, a lot of people say this specific thing when they talk about friendship.

[00:05:39] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:05:39] Eldar: Uh, consistency of character. Okay. And an example is that we talk about Tom. Um, we've, I mean, we've known Tom for quite some time, right? And we can all agree that Tom brings a very specific set of, um, happy go joyful, uh, characteristics. Characteristics. Mm-hmm. Paris. Okay. So it's like when he comes through the door, like I, I pretty much know where we can go with this, you know what I mean?

[00:06:05] Eldar: Mm-hmm. We can go on an adventure of his new, uh, discoveries, you know what I mean? You know, starting a new job, new school, a new book, or whatever it is, right? Or just kind of hanging out, just kind of like, you know, shooting the shit and like laughing or whatever, whatever. There's no new plans, but it's pretty much, it's consistent to who Tom is.

[00:06:25] Eldar: And, uh, that brings me a, a, a certain level of comfort. Mm-hmm. And I actually like it. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? So when he acts in, in, in, in accordance to those things, it brings a certain level of peace, right? Like, I know that Tom can say this, I know that Tom could say that, and then I'm okay with it, and I enjoy it and I like it.

[00:06:44] Eldar: Mm-hmm. You know, obviously when we get deeper into deeper conversations, he throws some curve balls at me sometimes, you know, when he says one thing and then try. So you enjoy curve balls, right? Well, nonetheless, I, I roll with the punches. Yeah. So what do you guys think about this consistency of character when it comes to friendship?

[00:06:59] Speaker 10: Uh, how important is it?

[00:07:03] Speaker 10: Yeah. I think, uh, from your friend is what I'm saying. 

[00:07:07] Mike: Right? Right. From a friend. I think from a friend. Think it's, it's important. 

[00:07:08] Eldar: Yeah. Right. 

[00:07:10] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:07:11] Eldar: Um, okay, so now with that being said, if it is important, how important is it also to be as consistent with your character, then across the board with a lot of other people?

[00:07:22] Eldar: I think that's the hard part. Okay. Very good. Right. Um, 

[00:07:30] Eldar: I think if we really dissect it right, I think it, it becomes very hard, for example, right? For, for Harris, who's a very specific person here in the office, and we kind of know what to expect from him. I'm gonna come 

[00:07:40] Harris: out in public and I can't 

[00:07:41] Eldar: act the same way.

[00:07:42] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:07:42] Harris: You 

[00:07:42] Eldar: can't act the same way or you can't make the jokes I make, uh Yeah. Because I'm afraid I'm gonna offend someone or, correct. Correct. So what I'm saying is that, um, in 

[00:07:52] Eldar: a, in a real friendship, let's just say, right? Um, we can now bring in things like, hey, like what do we bring out of each other?

[00:08:00] Eldar: Mm-hmm. What do we allow, you know, um, to thrive? What do we block? What do we entertain? What do we don't entertain? What do we help uplift mm-hmm. Promote? What do we help shut down? Because I think in a good friendship right, or a true friendship, right? A lot of the times you could say that you can be honest with your friend and a group of friends, and you know where we tell you how it is, Harris, right?

[00:08:24] Eldar: Yeah. I know you an idiot. Okay. This Yeah. You just did an idiot thing. Hello. There you go. You know. Hello. Yes. Right? And, uh, you realize that at the end of the day, it is not what is being said, but it's what the bigger picture is. Mm-hmm. At least in this friend, friend group Right. For you specifically, we're trying to go for the bigger picture and we're trying to convince you of this bigger picture.

[00:08:45] Eldar: And you know, obviously we're trying to have you convince yourself of this bigger picture when to iss calling you out, challenging you, right. You sending him to Gbe or when Mike is, you know, flip-flopping from one, one thing to another, you know? Mm-hmm. You sending him to Gbe, you know, or when you call me a dickhead mm-hmm.

[00:09:01] Eldar: I didn't call 

[00:09:01] Harris: you a dickhead. 

[00:09:02] Eldar: You said a dick. 

[00:09:03] Harris: I called you a 

[00:09:03] Harris: dick because you called me. Come on. If you didn't take the full picture, 

[00:09:07] Harris: that would've been Hey. But, but yeah, but you called me a dick nonetheless. Hey, man. Without 

[00:09:10] Eldar: even 

[00:09:10] Harris: investigating whether that I, I did apologize. You did. You did. All I'm saying, is that right?

[00:09:16] Harris: I said it was, I said that was, it was basically a dick move, 

[00:09:19] Eldar: which wasn't true. No, because I took actually three pictures. 

[00:09:22] Harris: Yeah. But he didn't leave with that man. You made assumptions. I didn't make assumptions. You made, Hey, I only showed you one picture and I had a lot a laugh about it. Yeah. 

[00:09:31] Harris: But yeah, you had a laugh about it.

[00:09:33] Harris: But Tony, you were there, but you did say Yeah, I actually didn't take a picture. You took a picture of him. 

[00:09:39] Eldar: No, I said I took a real good picture. This is exactly what we, you know, we were looking for is take a picture of the guy. Alright. So what I'm saying is that, um, consistency of character. Mm-hmm. Right?

[00:09:50] Eldar: And what we can expect from one another is very important. 

[00:09:52] Speaker 9: Mm-hmm. 

[00:09:53] Eldar: Right? Um, and then what we can be consistent outside, right. Of small little bubbles that we create. Then who are we and why are we right? Um, we were talking about with about this, with Mike, and I said, Hey Mike, like a lot of times maybe you're not the same friend to me as you are, for example, for totally.

[00:10:14] Eldar: Because maybe the way I am, it is easier for you to be consistent, consistently in your character that you prefer to be, uh, because it's a smooth sailing thing. 

[00:10:24] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:10:25] Eldar: Right? Versus maybe with Toi who maybe challenges you a little bit more in different areas or where you disagree with more things. Right.

[00:10:32] Eldar: It is harder for you to keep that same consist consistency of character. And we've discussed this, Mike had a real big journey about, you know, being angry at first Right. Aggravated, frustrated, you know, and all this other stuff when it comes to their relationship. Right. But slowly he starts to, as they start to understand one another, they, you know, like polishing rocks.

[00:10:52] Eldar: Um, oh, like 

[00:10:53] Harris: I get aggravated and frustrated. 

[00:10:55] Eldar: Yes. Because a lot of times you forget. Right. So we're trying to explain to you as well that Toy's Inten intentions is bigger than what your small world is at this moment. Oh, thanks. My small world. Alright, Harris, well, sorry. Your world to you is big for sure, but from where we're standing that, you know, you, you, you, you're focusing on the smaller things, the things that you'll see that you'll be able to completely disregard or forget about when you really see the bigger picture.

[00:11:21] Eldar: And I think our job, I think as trying to be as friendly as possible, right? Is to help you navigate these waters, these small waters, to get to the bigger picture. And then you'll really know what our intentions are, not just for the moment in time, but, but, but maybe for a permanent situation. And that's another thing that we wanna talk about, right?

[00:11:40] Eldar: Consistency of character brings certain level of permanence, right? Mm-hmm. Um, Tommy can't really surprise us, right? Totally. 

[00:11:48] Eldar: Yeah. No, 

[00:11:49] Eldar: no, not really. Right? And that's consistency of character. 

[00:11:53] Speaker 9: You 

[00:11:53] Eldar: know, sometimes he comes up with these outlandish ideas and we laugh about them or whatever. We judge him even, you know, sometimes, and we don't support him, quote unquote, but we find ways to have fun with it.

[00:12:04] Eldar: And then he kind of blends in and has fun with it too, and then makes up his own stuff, his own world. And we kind of roll, he rolls with our punches, we roll with his nonsense, and we keep it going. Mm-hmm. That's it. You know? So more and more I'm starting to appreciate when Tom is around for these types of reasons, where it's like, we know what we're gonna get.

[00:12:23] Eldar: He knows what we're gonna get from us, and he knows what we're gonna get from him. Mm-hmm. There's no real surprises. And to a degree that's comforting. Mm-hmm. And now that Tom's graying, he has a lot of gray hair, we realize that we're also aging together, Tom, that Tom's not the only one who's aging. We're is also comforting.

[00:12:42] Eldar: Right. We're all aging together. You know, you, you aging the fastest. Obviously. I'm not aging, man. What do you mean I'm not aging? You say you're checking 

[00:12:49] Harris: out in a couple years. I didn't say I was checking out, man. I said it runs in the family. Why you guys say, I said I was checking out. All right, listen.

[00:12:56] Harris: Okay. I never said, Hey, uh, I'm planning on dying in 10 years. I want to get my world together. I think Harris' 

[00:13:01] Tommy: being here already added like two years to his life. Mm-hmm. If he wasn't here. 

[00:13:07] Speaker 6: Two. 

[00:13:07] Tommy: Wow. Two, that's, bro, that's a compliment. Or a dis. 

[00:13:10] Harris: At least. At least that sounds like a disc. Sounds like a disc.

[00:13:12] Harris: Sounds like a disk. Oh wow. I get to live two years past 50, bro. So, uh, yes. When I'm president I can only serve for two years and, uh, them war will have, dig over, man. Hey, you crow From what my, from what Tom is saying, 

[00:13:26] Tommy: no, I mean, I think he is. 'cause he's more positive lately. May maybe there's a theory here that there's, uh, there's a longer life for somebody who's happier.

[00:13:34] Tommy: I mean, he might, he might have this hangdog look right now. Yes. But he's a, he's a happier Harris to be honest. Happier pup. Happier pups. 

[00:13:43] Eldar: Yeah. So there's these types of characteristics or things that are in play, I think to, uh, to a friendship or a good friendship. 

[00:13:52] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:13:52] Eldar: This are just some of them. Right.

[00:13:54] Eldar: Um, what are the things are you guys thinking about that constitute a good friendship or real friendship or friendship? Just friendship. You know, I 

[00:14:03] Harris: can't, what's important, I guess answer this. Right. Okay. Because I've had a lot of friends that ended up turning out to be fake friends and I couldn't really see the signs.

[00:14:15] Harris: Okay. 

[00:14:15] Tommy: How's that? Can you go into that a little bit? What's uh, yeah. 

[00:14:18] Harris: Go into 

[00:14:18] Tommy: that. How do you figure out a fake friend? 

[00:14:20] Harris: Yeah. What 

[00:14:21] Tommy: happened 

[00:14:21] Harris: there? Well, they act cool around you. Right. Like they fuck with you. Mm-hmm. And then all of a sudden, you know, you hear either they're talking behind your back Mm. Uh, doing certain things Mm.

[00:14:32] Harris: Against you. Yeah. And it's like you start questioning, how the fuck can I see the fucking signs? Mm. And I've had some of those friends 

[00:14:40] Speaker 9: Yeah. 

[00:14:40] Harris: And where you fucking end up confronting them, like, yo, what the fuck is this? Mm. And then they try to play it off, like, oh, no, no, no. Mm-hmm. I never said anything like that.

[00:14:49] Harris: But you're hearing it from like four different people. Wow. So I've had those friends. Mm-hmm. So sometimes I guess I'm a bad, uh, judge of, uh, of character. Of character. And you think someone fucks with you. They blend in, they fuck around. Yeah. Then next thing you know, 

[00:15:04] Mike: you have to send him to Gbe. 

[00:15:05] Harris: Yeah. Next thing you know, uh, they're dead.

[00:15:08] Harris: At least in high school, uh, fists were flying. Yeah. You know, this was in high school and these kinds of fake friends. Yeah. High school. Uh, I also had them, uh, in adult life as well. Okay. 

[00:15:20] Tommy: Yeah. You see, what's the nature of a relationship with a fake friend? Like, uh, what do you guys do for fun? You would 

[00:15:27] Harris: hang out, you would do the normal shit.

[00:15:29] Harris: You'd chill, you'd joke around, 

[00:15:31] Harris: but then they talk shit behind your back. And so it 

[00:15:34] Eldar: sounds like the people don't actually know one another, right. If they talk behind the back, they really can't say it to your face. You know what I mean? I think that's one part of, um, I think a good friendship is you are able to say the mean things, the truthful, hurtful things to your face, right?

[00:15:51] Eldar: Like if you fuck up on something, right? At least what we're trying to develop here past the fact that you have to work here, obviously, right? Mm-hmm. Try and develop a, a genuine, honest relationship where we can tell you like, look, you're an idiot, and if you take it the wrong way, then look, if you don't want to be here, door's right there.

[00:16:06] Eldar: You know what? 

[00:16:07] Harris: I'm starting to even admit that I'm a fucking idiot. So, and that's, I think that's very important. 

[00:16:13] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:16:13] Harris: I'm an idiot. My name's Harry Schuster. Yeah, thank you 

[00:16:15] Eldar: very much. Listen for now. Add that there too. That's a good starting ground, you know? But what I'm trying to say is that a lot of times in, in these types of relationships that he's describing, right?

[00:16:27] Eldar: If people can't really tell you how it really is, um, this doesn't necessarily constitute a real friendship because you are bound to get a surprise for that individual. Like where it's like, oh shoot, what the fuck? Like, where did that come from? Why, why is that happening? And I think that's part of knowing one another.

[00:16:44] Eldar: I think this is a big one, right? Because if we really knew one another. Um, real friends at least, um, but not talk behind your back. Maybe, maybe find, not only talk behind your back, but find, um, I guess the right measure of pain that they can administer. Right. Truthful pain for you to learn, right? Mm-hmm.

[00:17:11] Eldar: But always come back for more because they're not really doing it out of malice. 

[00:17:16] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:17:16] Eldar: Right. Or out of spite. Right. Because like a lot of times we give you criticism. I mean, Tom, you know, you, you get into, you know, screaming matches almost with Totally. For example. Right. But I think deep inside, if you really, really got to know him or spend one-on-one time with him, he does not, not wish you not well, you know what I mean?

[00:17:32] Eldar: Uhhuh, he wishes you well. Right. But he just has a problem with your types of reasoning. You know? Therefore, like he's, he's learning you and you learning him, and that at the end of the day, knowing each other's intentions, like, he doesn't have that in, in him tube, you know? And I was telling you the same thing, Mike, you know, where a lot of times you're like, oh, I totally fucking said this, or said that this way, you know?

[00:17:53] Eldar: Mm-hmm. And it was like hurtful or whatever. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, listen, he, he likes to dig the way he digs, and a lot of times, um, it comes out Yeah. 

[00:18:01] Harris: Fucking like a sharp knife that stabs it, something. 

[00:18:04] Toliy: He'll, even if he's not in Gbe, he'll voluntarily just go with me to help his kid. 

[00:18:08] Harris: Yes. From gbe. Yeah. 

[00:18:10] Toliy: Wow.

[00:18:11] Harris: But, you know, uh, yeah. A lot of times, uh, yeah, it, it feels like a stab in the fucking gut. Yeah. 

[00:18:17] Tommy: Yeah. For sure. I think maybe that also means that like we, uh, we conceal things or we Yeah. You know, we're maybe under a delusion or we, uh mm-hmm. Deceive the other. 

[00:18:29] Eldar: Correct. A lot of times I think that, um, I mean, and not really good friendships where what we do is we act and we know what to say and how to say, not to say in order to maybe not upset the other person or maybe to skate around a certain sensitive topic and stuff, you know, where I think real relationships.

[00:18:47] Eldar: Uh, come together is when you can actually be blunt, say it straightforward. Right. But still come out of that. Right. And know that like, look, even though I'm saying this right, let's fight about this. Let's argue. Right. And get to the truth of the matter. And then we both will be better from it. And then that's where we can build the story from.

[00:19:05] Eldar: Mm-hmm. You know 

[00:19:05] Eldar: what I mean? Um, and that's where I think that, um, those little friendship maybe ties start to build, you know, through real conversations, genuine honesty. Right. Arguments, sometimes arguments, um, in order to one day to really know which be at least for us. 

[00:19:24] Tommy: Yeah. For us, I think it could be very irritating.

[00:19:28] Tommy: You know, like so the way Socrates 

[00:19:29] Eldar: questions and stuff. Oh yeah. It could be very irritating. Oh. Socrates was a jerk off to a lot of people. That's how, that's how he was perceived. He was a jerk off. That's why I older. He was a troll. He was a troll and a jerk off. Yeah. Because he was able to question to the point and, you know, and the way he was, he had a sense of humor and stuff that he annoyed a lot of people.

[00:19:47] Eldar: He created a lot of enemies. Well, that's pretty obvious, but those people who actually paid attention and really took their time to try to understand what he was saying. Right. Actually gravitated towards him. And he had a, a lifelong following, you know, where people actually fucked with him, his friends, you know.

[00:20:03] Tommy: So you think they're his friends? 'cause I was just reading this story yesterday now. Yeah. It came to mind when you, when we brought up friendship Uhhuh. So like, um, his last moments, I didn't realize this. I'm sure we, I heard this from you or someone at some point in time, um, you know, they bribed the guards to let him out.

[00:20:20] Tommy: No, they said they could do it. Yes. 

[00:20:21] Eldar: They said they could do this. Look, we can bribe them. We have the connections to get you outta here. 

[00:20:25] Tommy: Mm-hmm. 

[00:20:26] Eldar: Go ahead. Exactly. And then, and then, you know, he refused. He said, what kind of man would I be? The law is the law. Yeah. The law is the law if I'm gonna live here.

[00:20:34] Eldar: Right. I have to respect the law and I have to abide by that. I don't want live in the shadows. I don't wanna be a coward. And they 

[00:20:39] Tommy: cried. 

[00:20:40] Eldar: You know? Yeah. And 

[00:20:40] Tommy: then they were like, come on, like, you're our friend. Yeah. But, and then he did his socr, his Socrates thing. Mm-hmm. So like, so that's why I thought about friendship, where it's like he's telling them, um, you know, that, that, uh, it would, it was like a gift for him to to to go, yeah.

[00:20:58] Tommy: To go. Because no one knows what happens after. After. That's right. That's right. And this is just law, you know? 

[00:21:04] Eldar: That's right. Yeah. So, 

[00:21:05] Tommy: yeah. He basically told him like, it would be a gift for me to like, remember all my last moments. 

[00:21:09] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:21:10] Tommy: Um, yeah. Yeah. So I, I can't, maybe I won't, I won't tell it in such a nice story fashion, but Yeah.

[00:21:16] Tommy: So that's essentially like he's saying like, I can find the good in this, essentially. Of course. 

[00:21:21] Eldar: Of course. And I think that maybe in that specific moment where his friends maybe had attachments towards him, right. The, they didn't ponder enough about dying and death and continuing Right. Enough. As long as he probably did where he was okay with continuing on.

[00:21:37] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Right. And they weren't in that moment and they resisted it. And I think, yeah. Yeah. And I think that that's also part of friendship, right? A lot of times that it's hard to get on the same page on all the topics. Right. We can, we can get on the same page on many topics, but there are gonna be some, some topics that we can get on the same page and it's gonna take some time for us to get on, right?

[00:21:57] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Um, up until we do, we're gonna have these little rifts where we are gonna have disagreements, you know? Um, I don't know. Let's discuss some examples that we have in the present, presently right now that are, we go, like Paris, you have any examples where like, we're not on the same page on certain things.

[00:22:18] Eldar: Um, but that's okay because we may be not seeing eye to eye for the moment, Uhhuh. Or maybe one day we will, 

[00:22:25] Harris: there's a lot of things, but I'm trying to think of a way to say them. Uh.

[00:22:33] Harris: Let's see. Some of the shit I like to do for fun, we're definitely not on the same page with those fucking things. 

[00:22:38] Harris: Okay. 

[00:22:39] Harris: But you say you are willing to Yeah. Give it 

[00:22:42] Harris: a try for sure. 

[00:22:43] Eldar: Yeah, for sure. Yeah. I'd like to see what kind of things, uh, well, maybe we shouldn't say 'em out loud here, but why, why we should, well, the way I want do it is kind of a little bit weird, but what 

[00:22:54] Harris: you gonna shy away from telling what you're I'm not, 

[00:22:56] Eldar: I'm not scared at all.

[00:22:57] Eldar: Say it. 

[00:22:57] Harris: Okay. Yeah. Uh, I you can, you can add the holding hands part as well. What's wrong 

[00:23:02] Harris: with you, bro? We're not holding hands. I told you this. Okay, fine. Uh, I'm into ghost hunting. I like to look for the supernatural. Try to contact the supernatural. Okay. Uh, there's a couple of reasons why I do it. First of all, I'd like to learn a little bit about what's after death.

[00:23:20] Harris: Yeah. Okay. Because I do have like, uh, my own perceptions. Right. Uh, I'm very, uh, how do I put it? I'm not sure there's a, uh, upstairs. 

[00:23:33] Speaker 9: Okay. Or downstairs. 

[00:23:34] Harris: Or downstairs. All right. Is there a first floor? Um, would you rather me to say heaven or hell Tom? Like Okay, sure. Say Okay. Yeah. I like, I, I, I don't know if there's anything up there down there.

[00:23:48] Harris: Okay. Okay. Uh, I would like to learn what's after death and you hear mice up there. Okay. Running around. He got that. Be patient with him. Yeah. Okay. He's off run. Okay. Uh, so I like to find out. Another thing I do is, uh, read a lot about it. Yeah. That if you communicate with spirits 

[00:24:09] Eldar: mm-hmm. 

[00:24:09] Harris: And they tell you what happened, they release some of their pain, they're able to move on.

[00:24:14] Harris: Okay. So, I like to contact, I like to learn a little bit about what's out there. Yeah. And, uh, I, I been telling you guys this and you know. You guys? Uh, I, I feel that you don't really believe in it. Okay. So which is okay. Yeah. Which is okay. Yeah. Which is why I invited you all mm-hmm. To come out on a go summit with me at a place I know.

[00:24:36] Harris: Mm-hmm. Uh, has paranormal activity. Okay. So, uh, I like that you're, you guys are willing to give it a try. Yeah. Uh, I guess that's part of the way of showing a good friend. You show support for certain things. Yeah. You give it a shot. 

[00:24:50] Eldar: Yeah. I think that it's not necessarily, I don't necessarily support you in this.

[00:24:53] Eldar: I kind of like accept the fact that you believe in this stuff. Yeah. That's, uh, it's, that's obviously yours. It still shows a, a little 

[00:24:59] Harris: support. You know, 

[00:24:59] Eldar: I think that part of being, being a little bit more friendly towards this whole thing or being solidifying our friendship is to show maybe curiosity.

[00:25:06] Eldar: Yeah. Right. Like if I'm actually curious. Yeah. 

[00:25:08] Harris: I mean, I believe you do have some curiosity because, and the thing is, 

[00:25:12] Eldar: here's, here's where my curiosity can come in. Right. My curiosity can come in in two different ways where I can start asking questions and you can be under the impression that I'm curious to believe what you believe.

[00:25:24] Eldar: Okay. Listen to this. Mm-hmm. But I might be curious to actually understand or convince you otherwise. Because here's what happens, Harris, a lot of the times, right, if I start asking questions, my questions might not be the same questions you've been asking and my questions, you might be like, oh, wow, I didn't think about it that way.

[00:25:45] Eldar: So what might happen is that my questions might break down certain beliefs or values that you have, or attachments you have towards the thing that you're talking about. Yeah. 

[00:25:55] Harris: I already know this is a possibility. I already know about this because you warned me when I invited you to do this. Yes. That you might ruin the experience, uh, investigating the supernatural, uh, not on purpose, not by accident, not on purpose.

[00:26:11] Harris: By the way, you're gonna do things. Yes. Now that we have this established, established, uh, feel free to share your, uh, your theory there, pal. 

[00:26:20] Harris: Well, one 

[00:26:20] Eldar: of the 

[00:26:20] Harris: things 

[00:26:21] Eldar: that I think that if we're gonna go and ghost hunt. Okay. God, I think that for number one, I think that every ghost adventure has, uh, very specific certain rituals, right.

[00:26:34] Eldar: That people partake in. Right. Um, the way they call out the ghost, what they say, how they say it. Like, 

[00:26:40] Harris: Tom, I do things my own way. Yeah. Okay. So I have something that's called an SB seven spirit box. Okay. 

[00:26:48] Eldar: This is not an advertising for it. No, 

[00:26:50] Harris: it's not an advertising, it's just a device. There's a lot of professional ghosts.

[00:26:54] Harris: Mm-hmm. Hunters out there that use it. I swear by it. They swear by it. Uhhuh. And they have certain ways to more make them valid. 

[00:27:03] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:27:03] Harris: To the point where you take out the antenna. So there's no radio frequencies that come through. Uh, certain things like that. 

[00:27:12] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:27:12] Harris: They also suggest attaching a speaker so you can hear things better.

[00:27:16] Harris: That's right. Um, so I have a certain thing, ways of doing things, uh, if I am entering someone's former house or anything like that, like there's a property over there. 

[00:27:27] Speaker 9: Yeah. 

[00:27:27] Harris: I'm not gonna mention the road. Yes. 

[00:27:30] Eldar: Don't. 

[00:27:30] Harris: Um, but the house burned down, but there's still like leftover, uh, remains of people, remains of the building.

[00:27:38] Harris: So before I enter, I introduced myself. I asked for permission to enter, because at the end of the day, that was someone's house. You don't wanna piss any spirits off. So, 

[00:27:49] Eldar: and yeah, 

[00:27:49] Harris: I, I do that. I ask them, you know, is there anyone here? I do the normal things. My introduction. 

[00:27:56] Eldar: Go ahead. 

[00:27:57] Harris: Sorry. 

[00:27:57] Eldar: Uh, boy. Well say your introduction.

[00:28:00] Harris: How I do things. Yeah. Okay. Uh, basically I go, my name's Harris. I'm not here to harm you in any way. Yeah. I just wanna learn a little bit about your story. Is there anyone here with me? Yeah. And then you wait for a couple minutes to see Wow. He's a natural. Yeah. 

[00:28:17] Tommy: I'm not here to harm you when, any way. 

[00:28:19] Harris: Yeah.

[00:28:20] Harris: I'm not. Yeah. If, uh, I'd buy it if I was a ghost, I'd buy it. If I hear anything that sounds like kind of like, uh, dark in any way, uh, I do have, uh, a little bit of, uh, holy water. No. Uh, I instigate a little bit. Oh. So if there's any, like, I feel like there's any dark presence or, yeah. There's like a growl over the thing.

[00:28:46] Harris: Loosen your 

[00:28:47] Speaker 11: tie a 

[00:28:47] Harris: little. I'll, I, uh, I instigate a little bit. Okay. Like Zach Biggins does on Ghost Adventures, which he advises people not to do. 

[00:28:55] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:28:56] Harris: Because if you're doing this to a dark entity mm-hmm. A lot of times, uh, they can harm. 

[00:29:04] Harris: Okay. Can you give us a little preview? What of the instigation and the harm?

[00:29:10] Harris: I don't know if I wanna give a little 

[00:29:11] Harris: preview. 'cause 

[00:29:12] Harris: it's gonna sound very, uh, 

[00:29:13] Mike: no, I'd like him to save it till the, okay. There we go. I'm 

[00:29:16] Harris: willing to give a little tiny bit. A tiny bit. A tiny bit. Go. Uh, basically I'll call it names. Okay. Don't be a bitch. Oh. Come out and show yourself. Make a sign. Do something.

[00:29:29] Speaker 9: Okay. 

[00:29:30] Harris: Don't just growl on the damn thing. 

[00:29:32] Speaker 9: Yeah. 

[00:29:33] Harris: Show us. Show us. Yeah. Show us. No need to hide. Okay. That's exactly what I do. I instate. Why? Because what's the reasoning behind this? Well, when I, when I, when I do that 

[00:29:47] Eldar: mm-hmm. 

[00:29:48] Harris: I feel like there, there's a bone in my body. That's something around me. Okay. It's not right.

[00:29:55] Harris: Okay. Okay. You know how you get a feeling that Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Something just doesn't seem right. It feels like something's about to happen or could happen. 

[00:30:03] Speaker 9: Yeah. 

[00:30:04] Harris: And I've done several of these already, and there's only a couple of times I felt that. 

[00:30:10] Speaker 9: Okay. 

[00:30:11] Harris: One of them is at the location I'm gonna take you.

[00:30:14] Speaker 9: Okay. 

[00:30:15] Harris: Uh, the old, uh, uh, asylum when they kept the kids and the kids died. Yeah. And there were signs that they did do evil rituals at this place where they conquer, conquered, conquered con conjured. Yeah. Conjured, uh, no, that's not it, man. Uh, they, they called on the devil to come. Okay. Uh, there was a pentagram painted on the ground.

[00:30:44] Harris: Oh shit. As well as, uh, people going there and vining, animal sacrifices. Mm-hmm. So, you know, okay. 

[00:30:53] Toliy: Like pento beans, a pentagram. Oh, sorry. 

[00:30:57] Harris: You know what a pentagram is? Yeah. You know, what are penta beans though? Penta pentagram. Right. You know what it is? 

[00:31:03] Tommy: Yeah. It's, uh, you know, it's like devil's worship, uh, stuff.

[00:31:07] Tommy: There you go. Okay. And 

[00:31:08] Harris: the saying goes, uh, you have to sacrifice an animal, a human, something living. Okay. What about a, the devil? What 

[00:31:14] Eldar: about human thesis? Can I shit on the pentagram, if you question if, if you wanna be harmed. Absolutely. Har why harmed? This would be the most, like, most intimate ritual ever.

[00:31:25] Eldar: It would be poop coupon. It, 

[00:31:26] Harris: like, the reason I knew this pentagram was here, my butt hole will be open. The reason, the reason I knew this pentagram bus than he would be coming out, the reason I knew this pentagram was here the worst was because I did investigation on this place before actually going.

[00:31:39] Harris: Okay. I looked into videos, I looked into different things. People took a tour of the place before you go, you want to know what you're getting into. Mm-hmm. What everything is, it's like a Four Seasons. It's definitely not a Four Seasons Tom. It's an old village where the. Mentally ill. Were, um, and you know, there are dangers, not just of the possible dark kind.

[00:32:05] Harris: Mm-hmm. Uh, there's asbestos, different things where if you kick anything, it can hit up in there and you can get sick. Okay. Which is why Mike's wear already showing a 

[00:32:13] Tommy: face to disgust, 

[00:32:15] Harris: which is why I wear a mask. I look forward to, you know. Um, but yeah, there's certain signs. Okay. Uh, and at this place I heard a growl.

[00:32:23] Harris: Oh. And I don't know if it was instigating or it was more like something got me mad. 

[00:32:30] Eldar: Okay. So there's psychology behind the ghosts. 

[00:32:34] Harris: Yeah. And you're trying to I'm trying to gather information. I'm trying to see if there's what's after death. Okay. Uh, what else is out there? Have you been successful? I have gotten some evidence, yes.

[00:32:46] Harris: Okay. No 

[00:32:47] Eldar: successful at getting some of these answers. Some of the answers, like you're trying to figure out what's after death, right? No. So like, has anybody participated in trying to help you with that? 

[00:32:58] Harris: What do you mean? Like spirits? Yeah. Explaining to you the problem with spirits are Okay. The ones I talk to mm-hmm.

[00:33:06] Harris: Is they're there for a short time and sometimes you just won't get any more answers. 

[00:33:12] Eldar: Okay. 

[00:33:13] Harris: Uh, another problem is, is I hear this from certain people I've talked to on Reddit, certain things like that. Okay. That, you know, a thing for a page for mm-hmm. Supernatural hunters or whatever. 

[00:33:28] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:33:29] Harris: Is that a lot of times these spirits, I told you this, don't know they're deceased.

[00:33:36] Harris: They're just 

[00:33:36] Harris: living. I have my own experience with that one. That's where my theory came from. 

[00:33:41] Harris: What is it? Um, we're gonna get that to that, Tom. Yeah. Calm down Tom, please. There's, but a lot of times they don't know they're deceased. That's right. And unfortunately you have to break it to them. You know what, I actually did that.

[00:33:54] Harris: I know you did. Which is, so why don't you go ahead and get into 

[00:33:56] Eldar: that. Yeah. So we're gonna segue to my experience and my theory of how I would like to ghost hunt if I was to ghost hunt. Mm-hmm. Okay. So I'm not sure if you know the kid, right? Se who passed away, 

[00:34:10] Eldar: remember? Yeah, yeah, yeah, 

[00:34:11] Eldar: yeah. He passed away right about, I don't know, about a year or two ago.

[00:34:14] Eldar: Right? Longer than that. Longer than that now. Okay. Three years ago. Is that okay? Yeah. Fair enough. We'll take it. Yeah. So our friend passed away, right? Um, and the way he passed away, he, you know, he used to drink a lot. Yeah. Right? Mm-hmm. So he would drink himself to not being able to do anything. Right.

[00:34:34] Eldar: Probably even get up pretty much. Right. And one time he drank so much that, you know, he was gonna die pretty much was almost dead. But our friends found him and, you know, took him to the hospital and they revived him and stuff like that. But said like, yo, this is very bad. You know, he was gonna die if nobody found him.

[00:34:50] Eldar: So what happened was one time, alright, I mean, not one time, but he called me, right? He called, he actually called me in the physical realm. He's still alive. He called me and said, Hey, Aldo, what's up? Whatever. And I see that he's, he's drunk, you know? Um, I'm like, what's up Serge? How you doing? Whatever, whatever.

[00:35:07] Eldar: You know? He was like, yeah, you know, you know, he usually goes in these little rants about life and things like that. And he's sometimes talks about friendship too, you know, a lot of the times like, Hey, I know you know, you guys care for me, and stuff like that. Like, I miss you guys. You know, like, don't forget about me.

[00:35:23] Eldar: You know, like, call me once in a while and stuff, you know? And I'm like, Serge, we always call you. You never pick up the phone, man. You know? And obviously totally called him. Mike called him. I called him, Ola called him. Everybody would call him all the time, but because he is always in that state, he can't even pick up his phone or whatever.

[00:35:39] Eldar: He doesn't want to pick up his phone. You know? He can't, you know, a week after that phone call, he dies. I haven't had a conversation since. Right. There was nothing in between. That was my last conversation with him. I'm like, sir, you know, like, pick up your phone. You know, we we're always here for you. You know, reach out to us, you know, yada yada.

[00:35:57] Eldar: Then he died. Okay. Uh, and I'm not sure how many days afterwards. Right. Um, I had a dream with him. I told Katherine right away. 'cause I remember it was very vivid. Uh, he came to me and he is like, Hey, what's up Eldora? Let's hang out kind of thing. Let's do something. And I'm looking at Himm like, Serge, you're dead, bro.

[00:36:15] Eldar: Like you died. He's like, what do you mean I died? You know? I'm like, you died bro. Like in real life, like, you are dead, you know? But this isn't my dream. Dream. So he was in this belief. He's like, what? This is not true. How can I be, you know? I'm like, yeah bro. Like you had that problem. And I had to almost explain to him what happened to him, you know?

[00:36:37] Eldar: And he didn't believe it for a while. But I kept explaining to him like, yo, bro, you dead. Wow. You know, it was my dream. And I remember this vividly. I'm like, I'm talking to him and he's not believing it. I'm trying to convince him like, bro, like you died bro. Like you, there's no way you could come back. You know?

[00:36:54] Harris: So I wanna pause this here. 

[00:36:56] Eldar: Okay. So 

[00:36:57] Harris: there you go. That's the premise of it. Of my, I wanna pause this here. When you experienced that? Yeah. What did you think? You thought it was just a dream? I was like, no. I was like, holy shit. Did you think it was a dream? I had a lot of weird dreams. His 

[00:37:08] Harris: way of coming. No, I think he was confused.

[00:37:11] Harris: Uhhuh, I think 

[00:37:12] Eldar: he was confused. He didn't actually, he didn't know. So he came to you in your dream? He came to my dream to find out what the fuck happened. So 

[00:37:18] Harris: you do believe there's a possibility that there's a realm there? Yeah, I do believe that. Okay. Okay. Yeah, because it has been at least my family. Yeah.

[00:37:29] Harris: A lot of other people say one of the ways someone could contact you that is deceased Yeah. Is through you, through dreams. I've it different ways. Yeah. When I was going through a really bad time, I've never 

[00:37:37] Harris: had this 

[00:37:38] Eldar: experience. 

[00:37:38] Harris: I only had it once. I was going through a really bad time. Yeah. I was in the shelter and, uh.

[00:37:43] Harris: God rest her soul Rudy. Yeah. Came to me in a dream and told me, Hey, everything's gonna be okay. You're gonna make it outta this place. Yeah. You know? And, uh, couple weeks later I did make out make it out. I moved out. Mm-hmm. I moved into a place, it's like, you know, like how, and I thought back on that when I did that, I'm like, how the fuck 

[00:38:02] Eldar: did you wake up that day with a boner or not?

[00:38:05] Eldar: No man. What do you mean? No, most men wake up with a boner every ni every morning. 

[00:38:09] Harris: I didn't, I wasn't, it wasn't in the morning elda. 

[00:38:12] Eldar: Well, you, she came to you at night. It was in the 

[00:38:14] Harris: middle of the night. I woke up and I'm 

[00:38:15] Harris: like, what the fuck? Yeah, 

[00:38:16] Eldar: but did you wake up with a boner? 

[00:38:18] Harris: Fuck no, man. She was like, my sister.

[00:38:20] Harris: What the fuck Wrong with 

[00:38:20] Eldar: you? I'm not talking about her or your attraction to her. I'm just asking whether or not that was still a phenomenon that happened. 

[00:38:26] Harris: No, I did not wake up with a boner. Alright. Something's wrong. Something's not wrong. Yeah. 

[00:38:31] Eldar: But, uh, 

[00:38:31] Harris: go ahead and explain what, what you were wearing. 

[00:38:35] Eldar: No, I'm not gonna that.

[00:38:36] Eldar: So what I'm saying, Tom, what we're trying to say is that getting to know Harris and his little things about ghosts and stuff, right. They have rituals and how they do things. They have reasons as to why they do things. My reason. 

[00:38:49] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:38:50] Eldar: Uh, I also think that there's, if I'm gonna go ghost hunting, I think there's gonna be, there's a specific way that you have to go about it.

[00:38:56] Eldar: Okay? Okay. And I have a reason why we should go about it this way, right? I think that we should, if we do go ghost hunting with Harris, I think when we go enter this sacred place of ghosts or whatever, we should be all in our underwear. And that's the only thing we should be wearing. 

[00:39:13] Harris: This fucking guy, man.

[00:39:14] Harris: Okay. I have, I have a very good reason for that. But wait, I'm not talking about buts. I said, but Oh, you said, but 

[00:39:23] Harris: yeah. What is wrong with you, man? Yeah. But we did come to an agreement 

[00:39:28] Eldar: here. Yes. If nothing works with your method, we can try my method. The reason why we have to be in our underwear is because then we'll be vulnerable.

[00:39:36] Eldar: As vulnerable as possible, right. Standing there in this ground. As vulnerable as possible. Nothing's protecting us. We're completely naked. Maybe then we're not. The ghosts will be more comfortable to coming to us and talking to us and helping us with some of the things that Harris talked about or maybe we, us helping them with some of the things that Harris mentioned that we need to free them instead.

[00:39:57] Eldar: And this 

[00:39:57] Harris: place, uh, should I mention what it's known for back in the day? 

[00:40:01] Eldar: Okay. 

[00:40:02] Harris: This place was known for, okay, this sounds like an asylum. Well, it, it was a place what you said with kids that had disabilities that were sent Uhhuh, that their parents didn't want to care for them and stuff like that. An asylum.

[00:40:16] Harris: There was a lot of death there. 

[00:40:18] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:40:19] Harris: Okay. It was, so that's why I, my argument is that 

[00:40:21] Eldar: if you come there in the truest form of natural form that we are, we might actually get some good results. And 

[00:40:28] Harris: a lot of them died almost completely, uh, naked. They, they didn't clothe them. I read the stories back then that when an investigator went there to like investigate this place that the kids weren't dressed.

[00:40:40] Harris: Yeah. They had, you know, went to the bathroom all over themselves. Yeah. There wasn't enough staff. So what he's saying might make sense because Okay. Unfortunately, thank you. They might think we're one of 

[00:40:53] Eldar: them them. Correct. And to tie it all back, se um, Serge, look at that Tommy. Mm-hmm. When Serge came to me.

[00:41:03] Eldar: Okay. Came to me in my dream. Guess what I was wearing? Oh my God. You were, no. And you were not wearing anything. I was just in my 

[00:41:10] Tommy: underwear. Oh, I see. So 

[00:41:12] Harris: this is his theory that they might come at your most vulnerable state, you know what I mean? Which, uh, your most vulnerable state would be sleep. 

[00:41:22] Eldar: Yes. But as soon as you start coming outta sleep, your antenna is the most heightened.

[00:41:27] Eldar: What is wrong with you, man? What? We wake up with bonus as men. I know. And if you don't wake up as bonus, something's up. You gotta go check that. You know what I'm saying? I Well, so your antenna should be working. I was more 

[00:41:37] Harris: freaked out when I fucking woke up, dude. Like, what the 

[00:41:40] Harris: fuck? 

[00:41:42] Eldar: All right. All I'm saying is that your antenna might not be working.

[00:41:46] Eldar: My antenna's working just fine. All So tie it back to friendship. My curiosity for Harris is bullshit. I'm sorry. I mean, I mean, I meant, uh, his hobby. Yeah. Wrong choice of words here. Yeah. I mean, everyone needs a hobby, right? Right. Uh, could be, could be a sign of like, hey, like, you know, we're cool and we understand each other, but it could also be a sign of like, look like this is bullshit.

[00:42:08] Eldar: Like, drop this shit. 

[00:42:09] Harris: That's what I feel right now. But I'm also feeling, uh, the itch to prove, prove wants to graduate. Prove wrong. To prove, prove you wrong. Yes. Yes. He wants to prove me wrong. I wanna prove to you something's out there. I know you believe that. There's probably something after when you die.

[00:42:24] Harris: If he 

[00:42:24] Tommy: wears a ridiculous outfit, I'm in. All right. What, what is wrong? Like a visor frog. Uh, like one of those colorful rainbow visors. What the hell is wrong? You know, like night vision goggles, bro. And I'm talking like fanny pack, uh, and like a serious backpack with batteries in it. For whatever reason, like the ghost on, I am 

[00:42:42] Harris: buy, I am planning on buying other equipment.

[00:42:45] Harris: Okay. So a notepad, notepad and pen notepad has nothing to to do with it, man. Like a big 

[00:42:50] Speaker 11: with a blue 

[00:42:50] Harris: cap. You're buying it A blue, a blue cap. Big. I'm not, I don't need to buy a notepad because I'm buying a, uh, electronic voice recorder, Tom. 

[00:42:59] Tommy: And, and those headphones I can see. So 

[00:43:02] Harris: Paris. 

[00:43:03] Eldar: Yeah. Tie 

[00:43:04] Harris: it all back from Mike.

[00:43:04] Harris: Mike's sleeping. Ah, 

[00:43:05] Harris: Mike, you awake bud? I'm listening. All right. Um, I think, uh, friendships. Friendships, I mean, not that you're into it. Yeah. But I feel like you're going, because technically I'm into it and I asked you guys to come, but I also feel like go, huh? You didn't ask me to go. I asked all of you to come question, question for Harris.

[00:43:27] Harris: I don't remember that. 

[00:43:29] Tommy: If you asked Crispy to jump off a bridge, would he, would he do it? He would probably fucking do it. Dude, thi this. I think we should just like zero chance, take a moment to chance. Take a moment to meditate on what you just zero said. 

[00:43:40] Eldar: Zero 

[00:43:40] Tommy: chance. 

[00:43:42] Eldar: Zero chance. But so as, as a part of our friendship is to be curious about your friends' bullshit.

[00:43:47] Eldar: I mean, uh, your friends' stuff. Oh, fuck you. I'm sorry. Uh, 

[00:43:50] Harris: I think part of it is, and part of it's just like, all right, I'm just gonna, you know, wait, what was your elbow? Was your question? 

[00:43:57] Eldar: Like, I don't expect you. Right. Like, part of a friendship is also like, I don't expect for you to like gardening or the wood woodchips that give me a boner.

[00:44:04] Eldar: You know what I mean? Like, I don't expect that. I didn't mind doing it. No. Sh I know you don't mind it, but you don't have a thing that I have a thing for. No, I 

[00:44:11] Harris: don't get a boner from mulch. I, I really like 

[00:44:13] Eldar: that phrase. I don't mind it. Yeah. Sh you don't, can we zoom in on that? Because I, I probably won't mind the ghost hunting perhaps.

[00:44:18] Eldar: Yeah. It's probably gonna be like, whatever. It's cool. I'm gonna find doing. 

[00:44:21] Harris: Yeah, doing mulch does not give me a boner. 

[00:44:23] Eldar: Okay. Doing mulch gives me a boner. Hold on. Hold on guys. You, you've said that plenty of times. And I think, and I think the reason for that is Harris, is because I did my research on mulch and you did your research on ghost hunting.

[00:44:36] Eldar: Okay. And I think that's a totally normal phenomenon where you have your interests and I have my interests. 

[00:44:42] Tommy: Yeah. But I, part of French, I hear hair say, I don't mind it. I don't think he's thinking, these are not my interests. I'm, I'm thinking he's thinking like they are because I kind of do them sometimes.

[00:44:53] Harris: No, no, I don't mind it. I mean, it is kind of peaceful doing the gardening. So why don't you say that? 

[00:44:59] Eldar: Well, okay. So then, then, yeah, if we can find some commonality in the, in our friendship mm-hmm. Where you also draw certain things from that experience. Right. Because like, I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to draw the same experience that you are drawing from ghost hunting.

[00:45:12] Eldar: I'm not sure. Well, I'm gonna try my best. Okay. And if I see that it serves me, I'll fuck with it. I, if it doesn't, I'm gonna say, what the fuck? Don't invite me ever again. 

[00:45:21] Harris: Yeah. But another thing about ghost hunting is it's, uh, I don't wanna sound weird here. One of the things is it's a little big game. No. Oh.

[00:45:29] Harris: It's more about bonding with your friends, right? Yeah. It's an adventure. Okay. It's an adventure. Okay. It is not always guaranteed. You're gonna, you're gonna get something. 

[00:45:38] Eldar: I'm okay. You're saying something now. 

[00:45:39] Harris: Now you're actually speaking. 

[00:45:40] Harris: It's an adventure. I don't just like it because I get to communicate with the thing.

[00:45:45] Harris: It's an adventure. I vibe with that. You have a puzzle. See, I do. You have a puzzle. That's right. Why you're 

[00:45:50] Tommy: specifically my life right now is like an adventure. I want, at least I'm trying to look. Yeah. But that's a very, to look at my life. You do it by yourself. Yeah. No, I'm trying to look at my life as an adventure.

[00:45:59] Tommy: Okay. 

[00:45:59] Harris: It's, it's a, you have, okay, you have a puzzle. Big puzzle. You have questions. Yeah. Okay. And you're searching, you're searching for the answer. Answer, right? Yeah. If when I die, yeah. What the fuck's gonna happen to me? Mm-hmm. I'm sure everyone has thought about it before. 100%. Like, where do I go from here?

[00:46:18] Harris: Mm-hmm. You know, everyone's like, oh, you know. Pray to God, you know, like, yeah. He's gonna lead the way. 

[00:46:26] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:46:26] Harris: You know, I'm trying to find out. I'm coming. G I'm, I'm trying to find out. Yeah, I'm trying to find out where you go. But at, at the same time, it's an adventure and a lot of times it can be fun. 'cause guess what?

[00:46:40] Harris: You get to explore new places. Yeah. A lot that a lot of people do not go to. Yeah. Uh, you know, and you get to search around. And at the same time, a lot of time you get to see history 

[00:46:50] Eldar: and you can potentially see your friends in a vulnerable state. Oh. What 

[00:46:53] Harris: is wrong with you, man? Well, 

[00:46:54] Tommy: he doesn't even mention once, once on that list, you get to, you get to experience freight.

[00:47:00] Tommy: Like you get to experience fear. There you go. 

[00:47:03] Harris: I just hope you're not gonna be like, cousin who's kicking doors. I'm not gonna be like that chance to experience chill. Oh. Explaining my own voice. Like, yo, dude, I'm trying to communicate here. 

[00:47:11] Tommy: Yeah. 

[00:47:11] Eldar: Calm 

[00:47:12] Harris: down. 

[00:47:13] Tommy: You know? Is fright a word? Sounds a little funny. 

[00:47:17] Harris: Is, is experiencing fear together part of this little adventure.

[00:47:20] Harris: If anything, it could probably bring you guys closer. Okay. Now that's kind of gay. It's not like that, bro. It 

[00:47:26] Harris: makes your friendship stronger. 

[00:47:28] Harris: Okay. Look how, and 

[00:47:28] Harris: sometimes you'll also find out who's your real friends. 

[00:47:31] Harris: Okay. So there you go. How so? 

[00:47:36] Harris: During this whole thing. Okay. Okay. There can be certain sounds that happen.

[00:47:42] Harris: Okay. Okay. Things that are frightening. Mm-hmm. Something can be thrown at you. Yeah. Whoa. And it has happened before. A, a dildo, not to me. Oh. It could be like a small rock. Can 

[00:47:55] Eldar: there be a dildo thrown at you? I'm just asking. 

[00:47:57] Toliy: No. 

[00:47:57] Harris: Or, 

[00:47:58] Toliy: or the, the beach. No. But if there stitches itself there, if there was some factory where a bunch of dildos are everywhere, could the dildo fly in your face?

[00:48:05] Toliy: Why does 

[00:48:05] Harris: your fucking mind go to this? Yes. I Others asking possible. I think it's 

[00:48:09] Toliy: possible. It's possible. Unlikely, right? Unlikely but possible. Right? Because something being But it's possible, 

[00:48:14] Harris: something being thrown at you needs to be kinda light 

[00:48:17] Harris: Yeah. 

[00:48:17] Harris: For it to, to happen. Like a rock almost. 

[00:48:19] Harris: Like a silicon.

[00:48:20] Speaker 11: Like a silicon, yeah. A silicone rock. Which 

[00:48:22] Harris: wrong with you, man. 

[00:48:24] Speaker 11: Or like a turd rock. A rock of turd. 

[00:48:26] Harris: What? Because it has been investigated that they don't have a lot of energy, but they use stuff around them. Right. Uh, it has been known that spirits are able to communicate through electronic magnetic fields.

[00:48:41] Speaker 11: Okay. 

[00:48:41] Harris: Right. They need help. They need to draw their power. Mm-hmm. Draw power from a device. Why are you going like this? No, I'm not, not trying to thrusting, thrusting it. No. They're trying to draw power. They need to draw power through a device, uhhuh. Because when you're dead, you're dead. You're dead. So in order to communicate, they need to be able to draw power from somewhere.

[00:49:01] Harris: Okay. Okay. I've had it where, uh, I saw it. I, I was getting voices coming through it. Mm-hmm. And when I look up while it's happening, uh, a street light is blinking, like really fast, and then it goes dead. 

[00:49:13] Eldar: No kidding. 

[00:49:14] Harris: Yeah. So I'm like, you know, I'm ha I'm talking to a spirit. Okay. And they're using the actual physical light to communicate, communicate, draw the power.

[00:49:24] Harris: Okay. And then it goes dead. 

[00:49:26] Eldar: Would you say that during the experience of ghost hunting? Mm-hmm. Okay. You put yourself more in the moment and you pay attention closer than you usually do.

[00:49:40] Harris: That sounds bad, dude. Wh what, what, why? The way you answer is gonna be bad. Yeah. Why? Because I'm gonna have to say yes. Okay. Uh, but why is it bad though? 

[00:49:49] Harris: When I go, when you go son, Uhhuh, you need to pay attention to the little, little things. Okay? Okay. Talking noise and some of the voices. Mm-hmm. If you don't listen, and I, I've solved this because as you know, crispy Yeah.

[00:50:07] Harris: Has sometimes a hard time paying attention to certain things. Okay? 

[00:50:10] Harris: Yeah. Tourette, you, you listen to where this is going, this is gonna be very interesting where we're gonna conclude it. And if you're not paying attention, 

[00:50:17] Harris: Uhhuh at these little things, you will miss everything that can solve what's really going on 

[00:50:25] Speaker 11: it.

[00:50:25] Speaker 11: So, it sounds like I've been trying to go something with you for a long time. Yes. 

[00:50:30] Harris: I have a hard time with the sales and paying attention. Correct. Okay. Correct. And I know that's where you're going with this, but with these motherfucking ghosts, you knew this before I said this. Yeah. That's why I said I knew it was gonna be bad.

[00:50:43] Harris: Wow. It's gonna sound bad. So why, I don't know. 

[00:50:48] Eldar: Why do you think that this actually captures your attention? 

[00:50:51] Harris: The ghost, 

[00:50:52] Eldar: ghost sounds? Yeah. 

[00:50:53] Harris: Because it sounds like, right. It sounds like you get into a very specific realm. First of all, I have a reason 

[00:51:00] Harris: to be doing this. Okay. Okay. Um, I, it has always bugged me, I guess, for what comes after life.

[00:51:11] Harris: Not that I'm scared to die, just wanting to know, you know, what's ahead of all of us, what's going to happen when we die. Mm-hmm. Because unfortunately, as of now, my time is creeping up very quickly. Yeah. You have a couple years. What was wrong with you, man? I'm sorry. Uh, my time is creeping up very quickly.

[00:51:27] Harris: Yeah. And my family dies young and I kind of wonder, you know, what happened to certain family members, you know, and, uh. You know, I've always wondered like, where do we go? 

[00:51:39] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:51:39] Harris: So I've ended up coming that to the conclusion that I need to find this out and I want to share it with my family, share it with the world, gather some answers, and, uh, solve this particular, uh, I don't know if I should say phenomenon.

[00:51:59] Harris: A riddle. A riddle, yeah. And, uh, yeah, don't make it too easy for us. Uh, I wouldn't say I'm worried. Okay. About what? Dying. Oh. You know? Okay. Because this is gonna happen to everyone. This is not, you can do. So this is what you calm me yourself down. Are you hoping 

[00:52:13] Tommy: you'll get shanked, uh, at one of these homes one day?

[00:52:15] Tommy: In one of these days? You actually, 

[00:52:17] Harris: Tom, I do, do carry quietly going up. I do carry a knife. Right. So are you afraid of getting shanked with your own knife in these one of these places? No, I, because it's in a holster. I'm not getting shanked with anything. Uhhuh. I have a knife with a holster that has a clip.

[00:52:31] Harris: So what if you get 

[00:52:32] Tommy: a release instead? Hell is wrong with a nice ghostly release. 

[00:52:38] Harris: Uh, I dunno what's happening. What's, what's, let's here Tony story. I've also been studying this. I've also been doing this for quite some time. Watch. I've been watching Ghost Hunters Adventures. Adventures, uh, learning what to do for, for quite some time now.

[00:52:55] Harris: 10 on 10, 15 years. Okay. Totally. 

[00:53:00] Toliy: Hmm. 

[00:53:00] Harris: So why 

[00:53:00] Speaker 9: does he do it? 

[00:53:02] Toliy: Totally. Is he gonna give it a crack in answering or what? 

[00:53:06] Harris: I just did Fear based 

[00:53:11] Toliy: what? Fear of dying. No, it's not. Fear of dying. Well, I think that, um, I think that with the, uh, gross adventure stuff, whatever evidence or maybe whatever things that he's felt he's seen or felt in, in that, um, lead him to believe that it could be a reality.

[00:53:32] Toliy: What you trying to say, man, which is may why he continues to do it. 

[00:53:35] Tommy: It is, it's unbelievable. He goes there and he's Albert Einstein. But, but around here, you've gotta beg him for, for, for his eye to be court things for Fosters. 

[00:53:44] Harris: When he takes a shit. What's 

[00:53:46] Harris: fuck you, man. I forgot all, I forgot she saw a shit.

[00:53:50] Harris: Or a 

[00:53:51] Harris: piss piss. I thought it was a piss. It was a piss. His piss is a shit. No, it's not, bro. It smells disgusting probably. What do you 

[00:53:58] Harris: mean, 

[00:53:59] Toliy: bro? Probably like a So dump juice. Yeah. Fuck you man. But no, um, yeah, so, so, so I think it's that, I think it's that he has, like, he hebel like he has some kind of, like, not saying that, that what, what, what happened to him is real or not.

[00:54:15] Toliy: Um, 'cause I definitely don't believe it. But, um, to him, he may have enough evidence or enough like, belief to be excited about it and to maybe want to figure it out in like a way. But the, um, like the equivalent of that here, I, I don't think he yet like, has enough evidence or belief that it, it, like it's possible on the level that, um, is required to like listen and pay attention and be in the moment here.

[00:54:42] Toliy: Like, uh, I see where he, he sees himself closer to talking to a ghost than to learning sales. 

[00:54:49] Harris: I agree with 

[00:54:49] Toliy: that. 

[00:54:50] Harris: Yeah. I'm very, I'm not gonna lie, it's, it's been very tough to learn this skill. 

[00:54:58] Eldar: Yeah. Um, for me. Well, you know, this is more like evidence-based, right? And Ghost Adventures and Hunters. Maybe it is evidence-based for you where this is.

[00:55:08] Eldar: I recently chased a ghost. 

[00:55:09] Harris: Okay. Uh, can I, can I finish what I'm saying to? I applied to Yale, 

[00:55:13] Tommy: Tom be nice. I chased a ghost. I chased a ghost for a good two months. Yeah, it's true. It is true. It is true. And I have a very specific relationship with it that I've figured out. Were you in your underwear? I've dialed it in.

[00:55:25] Tommy: Was I in my one underwear? Oh, at one point, probably. Okay. Yeah. Probably at one point. See, you know, at the end of the night, like you just gotta like, let loose, you know, let free and then like, let let the the energy flow drift. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, I think I chased a ghost, but the ghost was not, the ghost was me.

[00:55:46] Speaker 9: Hmm. 

[00:55:47] Tommy: I chased my own ghost. 

[00:55:49] Speaker 9: Where is he going with this? 

[00:55:50] Harris: I don't know, but, 

[00:55:51] Harris: but remember we love Tom. 

[00:55:52] Harris: I know we 

[00:55:53] Harris: love Tom, 

[00:55:53] Harris: but he's 

[00:55:54] Harris: ours. 

[00:55:54] Harris: I'm probably gonna forget what I was gonna say. 

[00:55:56] Speaker 10: That's fine. Try 

[00:55:57] Harris: to hold 

[00:55:57] Speaker 10: onto 

[00:55:57] Harris: it.

[00:56:02] Speaker 10: Okay. Okay. He's finished. He's done? Yeah. Okay. 

[00:56:05] Harris: Uh, it, it's, it's been a very, uh, I dunno, difficult challenge right. For the last couple of months. Ghost hunting? No. Okay. For ghost 

[00:56:15] Harris: hunting is a luxury or No, it's a luxury. It's a hobby. 

[00:56:18] Harris: Okay. It's not gonna, it's a ing privilege. Yeah. It's not gonna bring me any, you know.

[00:56:23] Harris: Yeah. It, it is not gonna bring me any money or anything like that unless you find a couple and bring them back or like Yeah. Just bring them back and let 'em go do deals for me, you know? Yeah, yeah. Build my own army of go salesman. Right? Yeah. What's wrong with you? Um, but it's been a challenge because I haven't really done anything like this.

[00:56:45] Harris: Right? Yeah. People always used to tell me, oh, you're a people person, you know, you can get along with anybody, but when it's over the phone and you're trying to, I don't wanna say convince, uh, explain why something would work extremely well for them. Well, that's not what we're trying to do there. No. But it, we're, we're basically explaining a little bit about what we do and how it can help.

[00:57:09] Eldar: Uh, in your role, Harris, you in customer service? Yes. You answer questions? Yeah. And the questions that you don't have answers to, you ask us to answer them for you 

[00:57:19] Harris: be doing it over the phone. Mm-hmm. Is extremely difficult for me. Right? Well, 

[00:57:23] Eldar: because, you know, you start making things up. What do you mean making things up?

[00:57:27] Eldar: When you start making things up, it's gonna be difficult for you because there's one, there's knowledge and your soul knows it because we're teaching it. And then there's Harris that does the cognitive dissonance. You know what cognitive dissonance is? Tommy? Explain what cognitive dissonance is. 

[00:57:41] Tommy: I got one right now and it ties into a guilty conscience.

[00:57:44] Tommy: Oh, shit. Is this double points? Yes. Okay. I have a guilty conscience about something that I didn't realize until later. Okay. So I had this cognitive dissonance, uhhuh, that I was doing the right thing for myself. Uhhuh, I like had everything clear in mind and like, so I thought, okay, I thought, and I thought I was practicing this.

[00:58:05] Tommy: I thought I was behaving in this way, Uhhuh. And we were here at the pod. And this ties to you totally. Uh, oh. 

[00:58:11] Eldar: Friend. This friend, 

[00:58:12] Tommy: you were like, quote unquote, it was one of these pods where it told you said, uh, Tom, there's this one thing you gotta know that he said something like, there was your, like, your issue is that there's like a point in time in the past where like everything leads back to like, there's a, there's a point in time where you made a mistake, Uhhuh, and it all leads back to that.

[00:58:41] Speaker 9: Yeah. A wrong, there's like an one 

[00:58:42] Tommy: perception. And then, and, and then I basically like rebuffed, like I called you an idiot. Mm-hmm. And I thought about this later and I was like, wait a second. I feel like, you know, like I, I reflected on it and I was like, wow, I feel kind of guilty for the way I just acted.

[00:58:58] Tommy: Mm-hmm. You know, by like saying this because 

[00:59:00] Speaker 9: Yeah. 

[00:59:00] Tommy: In fact I see the truth in it and um, and it's very relevant, but. Like, I, I dismissed your opinion, you know, like I dismissed it pretty critically. Yeah. So this, uh, this idea of cognitive dissonance is that, you know, you, you might, you might have like, I mean, I know the definition, it's like you have attitudes, beliefs that you don't act accordingly with.

[00:59:28] Tommy: That's right. Like, you don't act in accordance with the truth. Right? That's right. 

[00:59:31] Eldar: Yeah. And what do you believe? And you do the opposite. So you cause yourself pain. 

[00:59:35] Tommy: And I think this is really very relevant because, and that's whole topic criticized me with her friends, 

[00:59:41] Eldar: right? Yeah, yeah. 

[00:59:44] Speaker 9: Tie it back to friendship.

[00:59:46] Tommy: Um, and, you know, like, I, I don't know how, how can I bring this up? I mean, I, I, you know, I, first of all, I value something that my friend said, 

[00:59:59] Speaker 11: right? Mm-hmm. 

[01:00:00] Tommy: That's one thing. Um, and at the same time, I feel like a responsibility to live in accordance with the truth. Mm-hmm. You know, to like adjust, fix myself, like, yeah.

[01:00:12] Tommy: And then, and that, I don't know. I find that very interesting. Um, because, well, I think that the dis 

[01:00:18] Eldar: the disagreeance with your, with your thing with, with toley at least, is that when you say the word I, I esteem to live in accordance to the truth, Tony would like to say, well, what does that actually mean?

[01:00:29] Eldar: Right? And, um, in your case, I think you've already made a lot of assumptions. Okay. What the truth is. And Tony's like, wait a wait a second, wait a second. Can you please explain to me, 

[01:00:40] Speaker 11: yeah. 

[01:00:40] Eldar: What are you talking about? Right? And what truths did you come conclusions with in terms with, because I might not actually be on the same page here, so.

[01:00:49] Eldar: That's, that's what it is. Right. Right. You might be under that impression. I understand it very clearly. Like I'm 

[01:00:53] Tommy: trying to save myself. 

[01:00:54] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:00:55] Tommy: Trying to become a, uh, you know, I'm trying out, that's it. I'm trying to save myself. Um, and I have these very specific attachments to Yeah. Um, to, you know, the kind of, uh, traditions that might like in the knowledge that, you know, that that sort of, um, you know, kind of like, it, it, it, it seems to draw on a, a very specific energy.

[01:01:18] Tommy: Like, um, it has a, it has a, um, an affinity, you know, like you have this feeling of a sudden desire uhhuh for it. Yeah. This knowledge 

[01:01:30] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:01:30] Tommy: Of being saved and being helped and all that. And I've kind of bought into that, you know, like to think about Socrates or Well, you know, 

[01:01:38] Eldar: that's a problem. 

[01:01:39] Tommy: Yes. And, and I, I'm gonna tie this in very specifically with this idea of, uh, of, of Socrates, how he says that he, you know, he thought that books would like detract us, right.

[01:01:48] Tommy: Or I, I'm not using Right. Writing, writing things down. Yeah. But writing, he said that Yes. That books were a way of, uh, offloading the, the thinking process. Yes. And that people would become ignorant. Yeah. Because they would, they would rely on these books and they would Correct. That's where the knowledge would be solved.

[01:02:04] Tommy: Wouldn't be up here in your thoughts where it should be. 

[01:02:06] Eldar: Because he believed in the conversation. 

[01:02:08] Tommy: Yes. Yeah. He believed in Yeah. In questioning. And That's right. And, and the com uh, the communication between each other. That's right. So, um, so yeah. I mean, I, I bought into this idea, unfortunately, like not thinking enough, um, because, 'cause I, I, I've been trying to save myself and so in a way I've invested more.

[01:02:32] Tommy: I look at it like this. Just in like, you know, I, I, I look at it as I've invested more in function rather than in form. Mm-hmm. So like, in a certain way, like with friends, you have a certain form, you know, there's a, a formality with friends, a certain thing, expectations, like you were saying. Um, but for me it's been more a function where it's like, okay, um, you know, I'm gonna get like a working machine and then I'll, I'll let everything go through that.

[01:03:01] Speaker 9: Yeah.

[01:03:05] Eldar: Um, Harris is trying really hard right now to be a good friend and understand what you're saying, but he might not have the capacity for it. I does not mean that I have a capacity for understanding what you're saying. There's a kind of 

[01:03:16] Tommy: ick, there's a kind of ick when it comes to friendship that I, there's a pitfall, let's say a blind spot, a very specific blind spot that I'm not even sure if I know how to characterize, but I, I, I do have the word for it.

[01:03:30] Tommy: It's like, it goes something like this. Um, I don't know. It's, it's something specifically with you guys, right? Being your friends for a long time, being your friend for a long time, for everybody here. Um, I've, I've sort of, I've sort of tried to, to, you know, I felt very proud. Right. And, and to a point where it's too much, you know, it's like of what?

[01:04:00] Tommy: Proud. 

[01:04:00] Eldar: Of what? 

[01:04:01] Tommy: Proud. Like, I, I felt too proud of, of my, my situation changing, you know? Um, what situation? Mm. Proud of. What Tom? What are you talking about? Oh, man, it's like, it's, look, it's, it's a, it's a hard thing to explore, but I think like the reality for me at the time was I was, I was improved. Uh, and that, that like obviously making friends, um, which is like no small feed, I think.

[01:04:32] Tommy: It's a blessing to have friends. Mm-hmm. Is like, um, it's something to, to, you know, like it's like something to be, something to be proud of. But yeah, I mean, for me, the ick is really that, um, that you know what it's is. Yeah. Like, I'm gonna have to like, think about this. All right. Let me, but I have, I have, lemme open up a, lemme open up a can of worms.

[01:04:59] Tommy: I about this quite a 

[01:05:00] Eldar: bit. My thoughts came after you were saying some stuff. Okay. And let me open this up a little bit. Okay. For the individuals that were paying attention, not that side of the room, 

[01:05:12] Speaker 10: how about this?

[01:05:17] Speaker 10: We are friends up to a point. Okay. Okay. And I'm gonna give, I'm gonna use your example Totally. You know that we are friends with Tom up to a point. 

[01:05:30] Toliy: Mm-hmm. 

[01:05:31] Speaker 10: Is this yes or no? 

[01:05:32] Toliy: Up to a point of when we pinpoint something, 

[01:05:35] Speaker 10: which we did, 

[01:05:36] Toliy: which we always did. 

[01:05:38] Speaker 10: You know what I'm saying? Yes. However, 

[01:05:41] Speaker 9: I'm gonna extend this now 

[01:05:43] Speaker 10: with everyone else in this room.

[01:05:45] Speaker 10: We are friends up to a point

[01:05:51] Speaker 10: because everyone has a point.

[01:05:55] Harris: Yes or no. Absolutely. There you go. And some people took that point too, literal and completely. And now I'm curious 

[01:06:03] Tommy: left. You know. 

[01:06:04] Harris: That's 

[01:06:04] Speaker 9: right. 

[01:06:04] Harris: I 

[01:06:05] Tommy: want no more. 

[01:06:06] Speaker 10: Right. 

[01:06:08] Speaker 9: And I think that point that we're talking about, or I'm trying to talk about 

[01:06:12] Speaker 10: stretches 

[01:06:15] Speaker 9: as much as it stretches or 

[01:06:16] Eldar: doesn't stretch at all on me, or it doesn't stretch at all.

[01:06:20] Eldar: Right? We know up to which point we're friends with Tom, and I think Tom to a degree, knows which point we're, we're friends with him. Mm-hmm. The faster we understand these points, right. The faster, maybe we can challenge those points and push those points and those boundaries. 

[01:06:39] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:06:39] Eldar: Right. It's very hard to move those points.

[01:06:42] Eldar: I think, you know, because everyone has their own threshold to which degree they're willing to go. 

[01:06:50] Mike: Those points. They're dependent on the person's self-development individual Yes. Self 

[01:06:54] Eldar: development. Yes. Correct capabilities. Yeah. You know what I mean? I could be ignorant with Harris or on his maybe ignorant things that I believe to be ignorant.

[01:07:04] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Up to a point. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I can't get into all the, like, I can't feel the things that he feels about certain things. Right. Nor does Harris has the ability to feel the things that I'm feeling. Of course. It's, you know, I have levels and he has levels, and those levels are up to a point.

[01:07:20] Eldar: Mm-hmm. So we can be friends only up to a point. Yeah. Mm-hmm. But then when I'm like, yo, do this, I'm not doing that. 

[01:07:28] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:07:29] Eldar: Are you crazy? I don't know how to do that. Mm-hmm. This hurts. Right. For example, that we're going with Toley right now, right? Mm-hmm. Which he's trying to develop himself. Mm-hmm. To stand up for himself in this world where I'm like, yo, stand up to the world.

[01:07:45] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Be yourself. Mm-hmm. In the world. I know how to do this. I wish this for you. I'm your friend. Mm-hmm. Get out there and show your fucking ass because these motherfuckers, this world is trying to oppress you. Mm-hmm. Right. Or Harris, you, your dad doesn't know who Harris is. Mm-hmm. Talk your shit. Say something.

[01:08:09] Eldar: Oh, I can't, it's my dad. Mm-hmm. Up to a point. Invite us over. My dad doesn't like people over. 

[01:08:18] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:08:19] Eldar: Even though Harris wants us over, he's proud of us. Right? Oh, I love you guys. You know, you guys such, you good friends. Please explain it to him. What's going on? 

[01:08:26] Harris: Mm-hmm. 

[01:08:26] Eldar: Right. 

[01:08:27] Harris: I even tried getting him to come to the office.

[01:08:29] Harris: You see this? Mm-hmm. 

[01:08:29] Eldar: But up to 

[01:08:30] Harris: a point, 

[01:08:30] Eldar: right? Up to a point. The challenging part right, of a friendship is the fact that like, we stand right there and some people can't jump over that. 

[01:08:41] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:08:42] Eldar: Right? I'll say to you, Hey, don't be agro about this. But you can't, you can't help it 'cause you become agro about certain things.

[01:08:48] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Right? Because yeah, I think that 

[01:08:49] Toliy: like, like, uh, like we're asking, maybe we're talking around like real friendship or stuff like that. I think, um, real fresh, real, real, real fresh, uh, real friendships. Are you drunk? Yeah. Almost. Okay. Real friendships get formed, um, um, at those levels. Um, so, so the, uh, line, I'm thinking real fresh, real, real friendships get formed, um, at the moment where, um, one or the other friends, both friends identifies a, uh, that there's an attachment identified uhhuh.

[01:09:25] Toliy: And I think that when there's, when, when like this happens, it either, you know, can go one way or the other way, or it can break through like the, uh, the attachment. And I think that's when it, uh, 

[01:09:36] Eldar: okay. I thought you were gonna say that A real friendship starts to form, or there's a glimpse of real friendship is when one friend or the other Right, whichever vice versa, moves past their attachment.

[01:09:46] Eldar: Correct. Yeah. Moves past and breaks through that. Yeah. That that's what I said. But, but it's not necessarily an attachment. It could be fear, right? It could be doubt. That's all. Yeah. But there's, there's attachments. A development. Yeah. Yeah. Attachment. But there's all 

[01:09:57] Toliy: attachments built into all different things.

[01:09:59] Toliy: 100%. Yeah. But 

[01:10:00] Eldar: I think that, you know, for the sake of helping new listeners, at least I know where you're going with the attachment part, but a lot of people probably don't. I don't understand what he said. Yeah, exactly. See, even Mike doesn't understand what he said. Right? Because me, you had a conversation about at attachments separately.

[01:10:14] Eldar: Um, so use the word fear. Right. A boundary or something that you can't pass through. When two friends get through that together and they Oh yeah. Support each other and educate each other and help each other. Right. True. There is a, so there is, there, there becomes, um, what is it called, that synchronicity?

[01:10:33] Toliy: Yeah. Right. When you're, when your words to another person no longer feel like an attack. Correct. Because you went over that. You went over it and then you celebrated that together. 

[01:10:41] Eldar: Yeah. Right. Like your things with your parents, right? Mm-hmm. And your dad, right. When we were like, your dad is calling you and disrespecting you, blatantly you like elder, like mm-hmm.

[01:10:49] Eldar: Why the fuck my dad talk to me like this? Like now you became sensitive to it before you weren't sensitive at all to it. Mm-hmm. You didn't even know that it was happening. Yeah. You used to call him daddy, you know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. And then progression happened when you like started paying attention.

[01:11:00] Eldar: It's like, what the fuck? Mm-hmm. This is clear disrespect. Yeah. Why are we having these conversations like this dad? Like, what the fuck? Yeah. Right. At first you were eating it, you didn't know how to respond. Then you are like, you ask questions and then you, you're like, dad, the fuck you saying? Mm-hmm. You challenged them.

[01:11:17] Eldar: Yeah. And then you broke through. You know what I mean? And I'm like, Mike, I'm fucking celebrating. And we have that moment where we celebrate each other. Like, yo, good shit. Mm-hmm. You finally fucking grew the balls that you needed to mm-hmm. To, to tell your dad who the fuck is, who the fuck is he? Mm-hmm.

[01:11:30] Eldar: Right? Who the fuck are you and what you're pushing towards? Yeah. And now your dad's coming to you for you for advice. Mm-hmm. And now we have a balance mm-hmm. Where you feel good about the relationship mm-hmm. No longer is bringing the same stress. Right. You know what I'm saying? And I'm fucking proud of that.

[01:11:44] Eldar: You know what I mean? And we share that moment together. Right. You know what I mean? And I think that's what we're talking about. Well, 

[01:11:49] Toliy: I, so I'm talking about that, but I'm also talking about the things that like, like people could say that they're friends, right. But then there's like particular like, um, like moments where like those people have a particular attachment.

[01:12:02] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:12:03] Toliy: Like it's usually I. Um, I dunno if it's, if, if it can be like both people at the same time, it's usually one, one of two of the people. Mm-hmm. Right. And then like, they're unable to get like through the next level of the friendship because like, they're like, like that's what I was talking about.

[01:12:21] Eldar: Yeah. Yeah. Um, well, it's, it's getting on the same page at the end of the day, right? Mm-hmm. And speaking the same language, right? Because I think true friendships actually are rooted, rooted in universal truth about the world. 

[01:12:35] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:12:36] Eldar: We all agree on gravity. 'cause if you listening, we're talking about gravity, right?

[01:12:41] Eldar: Come on. Absolutely. If I, if I pick up this sneaker right now, right? And I'm gonna throw it in the middle of the room, his head, Hey guys, guess what? It's not gonna land on the ceiling as much as you want it, Tom, to land on the ceiling. It probably won't. Right? We all agree that it's gonna go down. This is a universal truth that we agree upon, that the sneaker will land on the floor, which we define as this carpeted area that we have here around us.

[01:13:09] Eldar: Mm-hmm. That's a universal truth. And I think that when friends actually discuss universal truth about the world, right? And we get to a place together, right? To testing many theories, right? Sometimes Mike. 

[01:13:25] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:13:26] Eldar: Right. Sometimes totally. Guys, we get on the same page. Mm-hmm. Even if it means to hold hands together in underwear.

[01:13:34] Eldar: Whoa, 

[01:13:34] Harris: whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. To summon some ghosts. No holes in hands, man. I'm not gay. That's weird, 

[01:13:41] Toliy: man. Why are you gay? Okay, fine. Do you not wanna find out what happens next? 

[01:13:46] Harris: Totally. You are just in the closet today, man. What the fuck? With the chips? Yeah, with the chips. I'm just asking you, that was going on in there.

[01:13:53] Harris: I thought you wanted to 

[01:13:53] Toliy: find out what happened next. 

[01:13:55] Harris: This is in office space, bro. You can't be doing that around here. 

[01:13:58] Toliy: That's 

[01:13:58] Harris: man, right? 

[01:14:00] Toliy: So I guess you don't wanna know, 

[01:14:01] Eldar: guys, whatever. Right. Here we go. We have, I think, a good friend, right? Recognizes number one, the flaws of their friend, right? The delusions of their friend, which is many for each and every single one of us, right?

[01:14:21] Eldar: And helps challenge that individual, passed those delusions, and then celebrates the wins together and does whatever it takes in order to get past that point. And that requires 

[01:14:36] Speaker 10: what? Patience. Acceptance, understanding. 

[01:14:42] Eldar: Compassion, more patience. Honesty. Honesty. Right? All those things. Respect. Respect. All those things.

[01:14:51] Eldar: Consideration. Yes. Yes. We're talking about all things that, let's just say encompass love. I love you guys, man. 

[01:15:00] Speaker 12: You really, you mean that? Yeah, of course. Really? Yeah. I already told you this, bro. Why? Why'd you have to have that outburst right 

[01:15:06] Harris: now? Why did I have that outburst? 'cause you making me start to think about this and you know, you guys don't give up on me, man.

[01:15:13] Harris: It's about to be a year. 

[01:15:15] Eldar: Yeah. You know? Yeah. You still suck. Mm-hmm. Hey, I'll 

[01:15:19] Harris: admit it. 

[01:15:19] Eldar: Yeah. You still suck. Yeah. But, but I'd be a bad friend or a bad boss even right. To tell you that you are good at something. You know what I mean? 

[01:15:27] Harris: No, but you can say there's certain things I have been making improvements on why.

[01:15:32] Harris: Right. I, I'll take 

[01:15:33] Eldar: totally side. Totally. Iss the I don't give a fuck about your improvements. Yeah. The truth of the matter is we need to focus on the fact that you don't know this. Yeah, I know. You don't know that. You don't know that. These are the, these are the small wins and I put 'em on your, on your wall.

[01:15:45] Eldar: These are your small wins. You don't know those things. I'm working on them. I get it. And that is why we're still here. Yeah. Right. We're still paying your dumb ass to come here. Yeah. We're, we're, we're, we're holding you down so you can learn. So you can become better so you can become friendlier, nicer, smarter person.

[01:16:05] Harris: Yeah. You know, uh, right. Y you know, I was actually talking to a mutual friend of ours at Toll's. Whoa. Okay. Okay. Uh, it's gonna link back to friendship, right? 

[01:16:18] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:16:19] Harris: Uh, and I was explaining the situation with, uh, a brother that lives nearby mm-hmm. That does not, uh, invites one of my other brothers to do certain things for his kids' birthday, but it seems I never get an invite.

[01:16:36] Harris: Oh, all right. Uh, first of all, we, we have had conversations about this before on the podcast about, wait, what, what Mutual front? I'm gonna say it's War's wife, Gina. Okay. Uh, and I was explaining the situation. 

[01:16:53] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:16:54] Harris: Uh, that, you know, it was my niece's birthday. 

[01:16:57] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:16:58] Harris: I didn't receive an invite. Yeah. My brother David did, and then they posted it into like our family group.

[01:17:03] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:17:04] Harris: And of course I was like, you're 30 minutes away. Yeah. 30 minutes away. I could drive over the bridge. No problem. That's right. And it fucking, you know, it fucking hurt, dude. There you go. You know, I don't have very close relationships with those niece and nephew. 

[01:17:19] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:17:20] Harris: I do with my other nieces and nephew.

[01:17:22] Harris: You know why? Because they love me. Huh? Because they love me. No, no, 

[01:17:27] Eldar: no. You know why you, they, they're doing this, 

[01:17:30] Harris: uh, because they don't respect me. They don't, they don't really know me. 

[01:17:34] Eldar: Well, 

[01:17:34] Harris: listen, 

[01:17:35] Eldar: we tell it to your face that you're a dumb ass. Yeah. They know that you're a dumb ass and they hide it from you.

[01:17:42] Harris: But this is why I was explaining this. Yeah. And she goes, but you got people around you that love you. You know? That's right. And, uh, she, I always knew this right. Friendships, certain friendships. Mm-hmm. You know, they become your family. You've said this a hundred times. 100%. No. You 

[01:17:57] Eldar: guys know me better than my own family does.

[01:18:00] Eldar: And, and my sister, my mom and my dad. You know, I look at that 

[01:18:03] Harris: and, uh, certain family members know that, you know, I'm closer with you guys than them. Yeah. I'm not gonna name 'em because they asked That's okay to stay off anonymous, keep their name out my mother fucking mouth on this podcast. No problem. Um, but they know that and we love them nonetheless.

[01:18:24] Harris: They absolutely. But they take, yeah. I don't know if you would say pain from mm-hmm. You know, like, they ask, why do you always surround them? Why are you always with them all the time? You're not working, but you're, you know, on the weekends you're hanging out with them and all this different shit. Yeah.

[01:18:41] Harris: From your underwear. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Sitting on people's laps. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is not why p man, there's not a Diddy party. Yeah. But, uh, yeah, they take offense to it. But one thing I can say is a lot of times friendships, uh, they become your brothers, your dads. Yeah. Uh, you know, yeah. Your lovers.

[01:19:04] Harris: What is wrong with you, man, Tom, how are you 

[01:19:05] Speaker 6: looking at 'em like that? 

[01:19:07] Harris: Tom trying to say something, bro. Like, that's weird, man. I told you man. He's, he's been 

[01:19:10] Speaker 6: looking at you as he was putting you on his lipstick as well. He is looking at you, dude. Oh my God. 

[01:19:14] Harris: My 

[01:19:14] Harris: shirt was a little up too. 

[01:19:15] Harris: Yes. Oh, shit. So he's looking at hippies.

[01:19:18] Speaker 6: Oh my God. He is getting all perky. Yeah. The 

[01:19:21] Harris: fuck. Yeah, Jeff. Well, well, Tom, we're all acceptance around here. All acceptance. So whatever you're into, man, you do. You man. Yeah. Uh, but don't get what you do. Do what they 

[01:19:32] Eldar: do. Yeah. Finish your thought. That's a very good thought. 

[01:19:34] Harris: But they're right. You know, certain family members are distant, but I Yeah.

[01:19:38] Harris: End up, uh, having a new family, adopted family, you know? 

[01:19:42] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Uh, and I think that that's, that's a big thing about friendships. Mm-hmm. Right? That I think that the, the friendships that you can form. Can actually outdo right off our own family members, and it's done for me. Right. And I, everything that Mike knows, totally knows about me, and you guys know about me.

[01:20:02] Eldar: My parents don't know about me. 

[01:20:04] Speaker 9: You know, 

[01:20:04] Eldar: and I, ups and downs and things like that. They don't know this stuff. I, I've 

[01:20:08] Harris: told you that. Yeah. You know, I'm not close with my family anymore. Yeah. Right. My brother, my mom. Yeah. My, you know, I'm not doing it, you know. Yeah. I'm not talking to them. I haven't talked to certain brothers for months.

[01:20:23] Eldar: Yeah. Yeah. You know. Well, I think that you intellectually have realized that, um, what's good for you and what's not good for you, and I think that it's an, uh, what's happening is a very natural process. Right. If there's people that are causing you stress, anxiety, and fear and all this other stuff, you're gonna naturally stay away from that.

[01:20:40] Eldar: Right. Your big challenge is your dad, obviously. You know what I mean? Yeah. And you know how that's going slowly, 

[01:20:47] Harris: you know? And at times it makes me feel bad, you know, that I don't talk to family. You know, my, my dad always says, you know, you got one family, you know? 

[01:20:55] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:20:56] Harris: You can't change your family. You can't do this.

[01:20:58] Harris: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Family's family. 

[01:21:00] Eldar: It's funny how they use that against you, right? 

[01:21:02] Harris: Yeah. 

[01:21:04] Eldar: Yeah. It's all, my mom uses the same tactics for me as well. My sister, she's like, how come you never, she's like, Hey, you've been talking to, to Deanna? I'm like, no. She's like, why not? I'm like, well, we have nothing to talk about.

[01:21:15] Eldar: Well, 

[01:21:16] Eldar: your brother and sister, you should be talking. I'm like, why? She's like, well, you brothers, this is the only answer. It's a loop it brother and sister. I'm like, so what? She's doing her thing and I'm doing my thing. If we come across Paul, pats great. If we don't, so what? Like, we're not on bad terms.

[01:21:32] Eldar: Mm-hmm. But we're not on this terms. We're like, we can have a conversation every single day like I have with you guys. Like, I have a lot more interesting conversations with you guys because we are open, we accept one another that this is the dynamic that we have. You guys like it? I like it. And we keep going.

[01:21:48] Eldar: My sister doesn't like this, and that's okay. You know what I mean? Just like, I don't like your ghost hunting and I think you accept me for that. Yeah. Just like you don't like certain things about sales that, you know, we all realize that, you know, like, it's okay. It takes time to process these things.

[01:22:03] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:22:04] Harris: You know, but you know, there, there's certain things. Right. You know? Yeah.

[01:22:12] Harris: My mom found out about the ticket and the whole situation that happened. Okay. Yeah. Because I talked to my dad. Mm-hmm. You know, asked him for help. You know what I should do. Yeah. 'cause the one thing I'll say, the guy in his lifetime that probably got the most tickets and out of those tickets was my, his my dad.

[01:22:34] Harris: Mm. Okay. But, uh, my mom found out about everything that happened that night. The pullover, the ticket, the casino, the breathalyzer, you know, uh, the bribe. There was no bribe. You showed your, you 

[01:22:51] Eldar: showed your nippy to the car. No, I 

[01:22:52] Harris: definitely did not. Uh, I'd be calling you on the way to jail. Uh, yeah. To come pick up the car.

[01:22:57] Harris: Uh, yeah. 

[01:22:59] Tommy: Officer. See something about this PB 

[01:23:01] Harris: that, but my mom automatically thinks, you know, the cop pulls you out for A-A-D-U-I. Oh. You go out and you party too much. And you guys know me. I don't drink like that often. No, no. But she goes, you know, what, are you going out every night? Yeah. Having a good time.

[01:23:19] Harris: I said, mom, do I get drunk once in a while? Absolutely. Who the fuck doesn't? 

[01:23:24] Eldar: Yeah, I don't. Sorry. Okay. But you're gay. That's, yeah. 

[01:23:28] Harris: But you know, I said, but I don't drink like that. And they're like, you know, uh, where are you going with, you know, Eldar and all these guys? So first of all, Eldar and these guys we're not even there.

[01:23:41] Harris: I said, second of all, do we go out? We have a good time. Absolutely. But I have one or two drinks. Oh, we should, 

[01:23:48] Eldar: you know. 

[01:23:48] Harris: Yeah. Maybe a baby shot. 

[01:23:50] Eldar: That's why we going out tomorrow. Yeah, exactly. 

[01:23:54] Harris: Time. Yeah. You're coming too. I don't want to hear about this bullshit, man. Hey, be nice to him. I am. 

[01:23:59] Eldar: That's part of friendship, man.

[01:24:01] Eldar: Don't force it, man. I'm not. Okay. There's certain things, things that he 

[01:24:04] Harris: does, he doesn't force you for it. Right. I would love for you to be there. Okay. But if you don't come, it's okay, but if you don't come, it's okay. Thinking of that Eminem. Sorry, what? Doing 

[01:24:12] Tommy: 90 on the freeway. 

[01:24:13] Harris: Damn me to drive. I'd love for you to be there.

[01:24:16] Harris: I got my 

[01:24:16] Tommy: crispy in the trunk. 

[01:24:20] Harris: You know? Have a good time. I seen you in Bermuda, man. I saw you over there, man. You were getting into me. I got the video footage, man. 

[01:24:29] Mike: Oh, you caught 

[01:24:30] Harris: him? Yeah, I got that. I got a smile over there. He was checking out the girl at the front yard, man. 

[01:24:36] Mike: Yeah, yeah. He was checking out girls that 

[01:24:38] Harris: smile on that video.

[01:24:39] Harris: He was having a good time. He saw some 

[01:24:40] Mike: nice women, 

[01:24:42] Harris: you know, when he's on vacation, he knows how to have a good time home. No, 

[01:24:50] Tommy: I think my dilemma was he needs some guidance on that night. A session versus friendship is my huge, huge dilemma. My life dilemma. Uh, 

[01:25:00] Mike: what, 

[01:25:01] Tommy: I don't understand what you just said.

[01:25:02] Tommy: Obsession 

[01:25:02] Mike: versus friendship. Can you elaborate When you mean obsession? 

[01:25:07] Tommy: So it's, so, like I was saying, it's a little complicated, but, you know, um, the idea is that, you know, friendship kind of, kind of maybe subconsciously or, you know, in a, in a kind of arrogant way tied into ideals for me. So like, yo, you, you know, Eldar, how was saying, um, that, uh, I've been thinking, uh, like lately I figured it out that like I, I think too much about function instead of like, you know, just approaching things, I guess, honestly.

[01:25:44] Tommy: And, um, you know what I mean? Um, so like, I'm my own worst enemy basically. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So this idea that like, you know, I could be smarter, better, faster, stronger, whatever. 

[01:25:59] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:26:00] Tommy: Um, 

[01:26:01] Eldar: Tom, you have glimpses of, of moments where you break through, and I agree with you then. 

[01:26:05] Tommy: And here's the thing, and like, it, it's, it's, it's kind of superficial.

[01:26:10] Tommy: It is. You know what I mean? And the most of the time it is, I was just telling Mike Yeah. Before you, when you walked out. Mm-hmm. I said, I think my dilemma has been like obsession versus friendship. Okay. You know, so like, I teeter, I'm like, I'm either on this side or that side. Yeah. I'm like on the side of obsession or I'm on the, on the side of friendship.

[01:26:28] Speaker 10: Yeah. 

[01:26:29] Tommy: And my obsession is a very specific thing. Yeah. I think, um, and what I was trying to characterize before is that like, you know, meeting friends, sort of like pointing me in that direction, in the direction of obsession because um, you know, I wanna like, you know, I envision these wonderful, you know, like a wonderful future and like, I envision like, you know, uh, a better life or, um, you know.

[01:27:02] Tommy: Okay. So I'll, I'll say, I'll, I'll give a very simple example of the superficial before you lose us, Tom. I will lose you guys. Okay. And, uh, that's that way, you know, I'll be leading you there. Okay. Okay. Okay. Um, when I was, when I was in high school and I, I, I ended up in rehab, um, there was a very specific point when things clicked and I was like, what am I gonna do?

[01:27:26] Tommy: You know, um, they're, they're telling you to get sober and you have to make a choice. And I think that there's no way of, like, this was my first confrontation with the truth. There's no way of avoiding what's being told to you when it's, when it's the truth being told to you, Uhhuh, you know, like the truth really is what, what did it to me?

[01:27:50] Tommy: I had an obligation to go get treatment, right? Mm-hmm. So I kept hearing about the truth, like, you know what I mean? I had, I kept hearing people speak the truth. And, um, and there was a point when it clicked where I was like, where I questioned my entire way of life and I was, I was, there was a specific moment.

[01:28:08] Tommy: I was in school, I was leaving class, and I just felt like total rock bottom, I felt like shit. Mm-hmm. And, um, you know, I felt sick. I felt, I felt lost. And it was at this point when I actually started thinking rationally just a little bit. And, um, and I was like, what is my future? What does my future currently look like?

[01:28:30] Tommy: And at the time I had one friend, basically, who I just basically drank and smoked with and Okay. I did drugs with, you know? Mm-hmm. Um, so I had this one person who was no longer even in school with me. Um, and when I thought about our friendship, I was like, wait a second, how close are we at all? Mm-hmm. You know, this is someone who I knew for about two years and, um, I didn't feel like we had a strong friendship, much like, and when I thought about that future, I was like, okay, you know, I'm obviously trying to concoct or trying to, you know, suggest some kind of outcome, some alternative, uh, alternative then, um, to getting sober, to like listening to these people and, you know, um, giving up a friend or, you know, like stepping away, stepping back from that lifestyle.

[01:29:21] Tommy: Mm-hmm. Um, because when they tell you to get sober. I think for me, what, what I experienced was, alright, I'm never gonna drink again. Like I'll be 21 in what? I'm never gonna go, never gonna go to these big parties out there, you know, whoever, wherever. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm not gonna go to nightclubs when I'm 21.

[01:29:40] Tommy: I'm not, what? I'm not gonna drink anymore. 

[01:29:41] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:29:42] Tommy: Um, and this idea came to my mind. I was like, oh, well you know what? When I graduate, um, like I don't need to go to college. I'm just gonna go to California. You know? Um, and that's when it clicked for me. And I was like, well, what am I gonna do then? You know? Um, where am I gonna work?

[01:30:02] Tommy: You know? Am I, how am I gonna survive? How am I gonna pay for it? How am I even gonna get it? How, how am I gonna even get there? Um, and the truth versus this, uh, that alternative, that fiction and this dream life, uh, seemed like very unreal. Uh, it seemed almost miserable compared to the truth. Like, the truth was so strong that I was like, I have to fuck with what they're telling me in these rooms.

[01:30:33] Tommy: Like, like, treatment is gonna help, but it's, it's gonna hurt. And, um, and that's when I started like asking for, you know what I mean? That's when I realized like, I can go, I can take the route of the psychopath. Mm-hmm. Or I can, can really like, you know, oh wow. Really be delusional. Totally delusional. You had that moment.

[01:30:55] Tommy: It was painful, dude. It was actually very painful. But nonetheless, you chose a very specific thing to sit in room and try 

[01:31:01] Eldar: to like Mitch is still out there, dude. 

[01:31:05] Tommy: Yeah. You know, I guess what you try to do is you, you just try to uh, duck your head. 

[01:31:08] Eldar: Hey, should you be the shy away? The, what is it called? The Liason Liason.

[01:31:12] Eldar: Liaison. Liaison. Liaison for Mitch. You gotta find a help him. Find a way back, dude. Do you know where the guy is? Yeah. He called me last week. He calls us all the time 

[01:31:22] Speaker 12: Mitch calls you. Yeah. 

[01:31:24] Eldar: Tom. So that might be your journey, dude. It might not. I'll tell, I'll tell you that much motherfucker still, that fucking point that you're talking about, you still, uh, you had that fucking moment clarity.

[01:31:36] Eldar: Like, it was that clear. Yeah. Like, if I'm gonna go fucking, uh, psychotic here, or I'm gonna fucking choose the right path and fucking do the right thing. Yeah. But 

[01:31:43] Tommy: I, you have to understand this, this was not something, it was not the first time. Like, you know what I mean? Um, I I, I will probably, if I ever publish a book, I'll, I will probably write about this, but I'm not there yet.

[01:31:53] Tommy: Mm-hmm. Um, and I, I mean, I have written about it, but I mean, it's just time plug right there. It it, something clicked at that point. And when you go through a lot, a lot for a long time. Yeah. And, uh, things just kind of, um, you know, over time degrade, you know, and you end up in a very low point in your life.

[01:32:11] Tommy: Um, it's difficult to bounce back. Let's just put it that, let's put it at that. It's difficult to, to bounce back. 

[01:32:17] Harris: What he is saying is that he loves you. I just wanna state one thing. Mm-hmm. Maybe Tom should go work at one of them rehabs, bro. The ones that Yeah. And explain his story and maybe he can help people to the, the ones that 

[01:32:32] Eldar: like 

[01:32:32] Harris: no longer, no, 

[01:32:33] Speaker 12: man, what's wrong with you?

[01:32:34] Speaker 12: Like rehab? I'm not sure what we're talking about here. Now 

[01:32:36] Tommy: he's explaining 

[01:32:37] Speaker 12: his story, bro. He can go help 

[01:32:39] Tommy: people. Okay. So yes, I was getting to this point about obsession versus friendship. Yeah. Yeah. So when I met you guys, right. I obviously, like I went through a lot more. Mm-hmm. Um, and, um, I mean, I think that's the, that's the real, uh, inner enemy for me.

[01:32:54] Tommy: Yeah. Let's put it that way. Because when I thought my life was on and up 

[01:32:58] Speaker 9: Yeah. 

[01:32:59] Tommy: It actually went down very even further. Lower. Yeah. Lower than that. 

[01:33:03] Speaker 9: Yeah. 

[01:33:03] Tommy: Um, so I, I, um, I met you guys and I was at this point where I was, um, I would say I was, I was, um, I had a deep resolve and, you know, I sincerely wanted to change.

[01:33:17] Tommy: Um, um, yeah. You know, so. So this idea of obsession is, it's, it's pretty clear to me. Like I, you know, I was arrogantly chasing after being better, smarter, you know, stronger, faster with all that stuff. And, um, and to me, I felt like this was a favor I was doing for you guys, right? Um, a what? It's a way of, for me, I just really wanted to, like, I wanted to preserve friendship.

[01:33:53] Tommy: Um, and Tom, what are you talking about? I suffered. I suffered, but I wasn't, I wasn't, I didn't know it was right to, to be open about it yet. Like, I wasn't, maybe I wasn't secure in our friendship, you know? Um, fine 

[01:34:10] Eldar: Tom, but we had to bring it out out of you for you to be, you know, like transparent as to what's going actually going on.

[01:34:16] Tommy: Yes. I, I, I just wasn't like, I don't know, it's a cso so that's why I say it's an inner enemy because at one point I was like, okay, my life's gonna go all right. And then, um, but I had some serious problems that obviously made my life much worse, you know, like I ended up in a worse place than before because of drugs, right?

[01:34:37] Tommy: Mm-hmm. Um, because I relapsed. Let's just put it at that. And, and when I met you guys, um, I wanted to put everything behind and that's okay. Like, I think that's okay. It's okay to, um, to like grow and be a, be, be a people pleaser for the moment, for your soul to grow. It's okay for your, um, for your, for you to become spiritually, you know?

[01:34:59] Tommy: Mm-hmm. Um, enlightened or, or, or gay or something 

[01:35:02] Eldar: like that. Spiritually gay. Is that a new thing or no? Is that a new terminal? No, but to be spiritually gay. But the way I was looking at it, yes or no, the spirit doesn't have fucking preferences. Yes or no? What spirit, your thing. Those, those fucking floaty things.

[01:35:19] Eldar: But listen, the guys, the way I was looking at it, 

[01:35:22] Speaker 12: they're not floaty things, man. They're not floaty. Casper floating around. You're not gonna see. 

[01:35:27] Tommy: The way I was looking at it was I'm part, I'm now part of this ideal. Mm-hmm. You know, where I was living one life with you guys. Which part ideal do you? And then kind of trying to like Okay.

[01:35:39] Tommy: Trying to put on a facade on the outside. Yeah. You know what I mean? Okay. Yes. And this whole thing came collapsing on me. Hone. And this is the whole, this whole, the whole Tommy goes out and he comes back. Yes. And he, 

[01:35:54] Speaker 9: yes. What do 

[01:35:56] Eldar: you have to 

[01:35:56] Speaker 9: say, Harry? Say, I'm not gonna say, you'll 

[01:35:58] Eldar: have to say it. You 

[01:35:58] Harris: love him.

[01:35:59] Harris: He's your, 

[01:35:59] Harris: I I do love you, Tom. 

[01:36:01] Harris: Uh, so why 

[01:36:02] Tommy: does your face look like a fucking tamarind right now? Yeah. 

[01:36:04] Harris: But you do still do the uh, the rambling part? 

[01:36:08] Tommy: No, the, no. Harris has a very specific happens. He goes, 

[01:36:12] Harris: he goes away. He goes away for a couple weeks. She thinks he knows better. Two, three weeks. She thinks he knows better.

[01:36:17] Harris: Pissed off. Yeah. Uh, does his pouting match and then comes back Pouting. Match. I like that. You do still do it. He, 

[01:36:23] Eldar: he got you. 

[01:36:23] Harris: Figure it out, dude. You do still do it. When you have your disagreements with Toley, you do disappear, right? For a couple weeks. Months. Months. Maybe even a month. Yeah. Two months. Yeah.

[01:36:36] Harris: And then you come back. He always finds his way back. He always finds his way back. But he still struggles with that because what it made him sound like was, well, yeah, I didn't 

[01:36:45] Tommy: struggle with obsession and like I, I, I sublimated it, you know, this is a way, this is like a psychological term for when you take something that's not necessarily, you know, that has a negative effect on you, and you apply it to something that has a positive effect on you instead.

[01:37:02] Tommy: So, like, I obsessed. Yeah. That's over learning, over, 

[01:37:06] Eldar: that's, that can, that could be a complete delusion of we just described. 

[01:37:08] Tommy: Yeah. No, no, no. A self-induced delusion. I, I'll tell you specifically for me, it's like, okay, I, I, obviously, I had obsessions with, you know, I had obsessions with drugs, sex, um, you know, like, you know what I mean?

[01:37:21] Tommy: I had to, I had bad habits. Mm-hmm. And, and, um, and when I started thinking about, you know, like about, uh, learning and, and growth and, and acquiring knowledge, um, the, like, the, the, the only way I transmitted it was like through, through my health, and I translated it through, I transmitted it through learn reading books.

[01:37:46] Speaker 9: Yeah. 

[01:37:47] Tommy: And, you know, kind of, I look, the thing is you guys actually have helped me through the, the dark ages, the, the, the conflict of, of this specific thing. You know what I mean? Like, you guys would play basketball on Thursdays and I had a very, I remember having a very specific conflict in mind where I was like, I should stay home and read.

[01:38:07] Tommy: Like I have to, I have to learn, I have to get the shit, you know, like level up. Mm-hmm. Um, I have to level, level it up and, and, and, you know, it takes courage to just step out of that and say, you know what I mean? Like, um. You know, you, you have friendship and so, and your friends are inviting you out to be a part of a, part of an experience.

[01:38:30] Tommy: I wasn't even playing basketball, but for me, it, it was, it was about, you know, like letting go, uh, letting go of this very specific obsession of falling short. If I'm not, like, you know what I mean? If I'm not, yeah. That, that's just a relationship that I, that I made with, with learning. I was like, I have to, I have to change the image.

[01:38:57] Tommy: I think his obsession, his definition 

[01:38:59] Eldar: is also attachment 

[01:39:00] Harris: that you're talking about. So I, I wanna go back to the fact, Tom, is that what you're doing, like when you get it, when you butt heads, I mean, he butts heads usually with, well, the butting 

[01:39:11] Eldar: heads comes from the fact that he 

[01:39:13] Harris: has certain attachments that he has to defend.

[01:39:14] Harris: So he still has the attachments. Correct. So when he butts head with, totally, yeah. Because most of the time 

[01:39:20] Eldar: That's right, because totally. A lot of times we'll ask questions around that attachment call. I call 

[01:39:25] Toliy: him, you do the same thing as Tom, just, you get paid to come back here. 

[01:39:28] Harris: Yeah. What's wrong with you, man?

[01:39:29] Harris: That's right. Yeah. I still enjoy my dime here, man. Well, of course you can also get paid for it. Yeah. Yeah. 

[01:39:34] Harris: But uh, getting paid to learn is the best thing in the world. Yeah. But I'm not gone for two weeks. Well, man, sometimes long you learn 

[01:39:42] Eldar: how to sleep with your eyes open. 

[01:39:46] Speaker 11: Fucking laugh, 

[01:39:47] Eldar: bro. Yeah. He knows what I'm talking about.

[01:39:49] Eldar: Yeah. He doesn't, he's trying to, he's been trying to like, uh, master this thing. This phenomen a long time. Yeah. 

[01:39:54] Harris: Um, but Tom, where do you go? Like when you butt heads. Totally. I love that question. Where do you go? Where do you go for three weeks, a month? Because there are times Tom's gone for a while. I agree.

[01:40:05] Harris: All night. I ask, I ask, I I 

[01:40:07] Eldar: say, you don't wanna know because that's why he gets in trouble. And then we have to bail him out. 

[01:40:11] Harris: Well, I ask and I'm like, yo, where's Tom been? Has anyone heard from Tom? And everyone's like, no, 

[01:40:15] Mike: no. You know where he is? We saw him today. 

[01:40:18] Harris: Yeah. Yeah. You, he does his weird stuff around town.

[01:40:19] Harris: I do. I I, I have seen him. Uh, we saw him today. Yes. We were at Toll's. Yes. Randomly. And we were driving back. We turned on the next street over. You 

[01:40:30] Speaker 11: turned the corner Tom at Kids Lemonade. 

[01:40:35] Harris: And we, Mike, I do. Mike, Mike notices the car. It's a white Tesla with white interior. Mike. You spotted him and he's like, oh yeah, 

[01:40:43] Mike: the sticker on the back too.

[01:40:44] Harris: Yeah. And he's like, is that Tom? And I look at the back 'cause I know Tom has our sticker on there. Yeah. Say, yeah, that's Tom and I, I roll down the window. We pull up and I go, yo, license and registration. Oh. And he, he looks and he goes, oh shit. What's going on man, you guys? And the first thing he says was, you guys really need to try this lemonade.

[01:41:02] Harris: It's the best lemonade there is, you know? And he goes, he goes, uh, you got a few dollars, probably some of this girl's lemonade. It was one of the best, you know, what would you dwell there? Would 

[01:41:13] Toliy: you dwell there? If it's like a, like a Sunday morning, very like foggy and you go and you take the dogs out. Yeah.

[01:41:19] Toliy: Right. You're like still a bit sleepy and you're walking down a block and Tom's just gardening with your neighbor. I'm gonna tell you right now, it'll bring the biggest smile to my face. But would you have to do a double tick or no N no, 

[01:41:31] Eldar: because 

[01:41:31] Toliy: I'm telling you. Okay, now what? What if you smoked before you saw this?

[01:41:35] Eldar: Then 

[01:41:35] Toliy: I'll get a little freaked out. I'm like, I'll get a little freaked out. I'm like, he, you know why? 'cause my reasonable line 

[01:41:40] Eldar: says that, look, Tom's supposed to be at that lemonade stand. Yeah. This is Tom. Yeah, I know. We pulled up. This is character. Yeah. We, we 

[01:41:47] Harris: pulled up and, and we love Tom and we gave Tom some money.

[01:41:50] Harris: Yeah. Oh. And we're waiting to go get us Lemonade. And I 

[01:41:53] Speaker 11: delivered you 

[01:41:53] Harris: drinks and No, Tom, you, you sat with those people for like five, 10 minutes talking to them. Whoa. Wow. And we're like waiting there. 

[01:42:02] Mike: No, I did not. No. They were like a couple minutes. But they were squeezing the lemonade though. Yeah. No, but I respect that, Tom.

[01:42:07] Mike: Fuck that. 

[01:42:08] Eldar: I respect that. It's it's inconsistency of character and that brings peace and joy to, to me Yeah. To know this, that this is 

[01:42:14] Harris: happening. 

[01:42:14] Eldar: So as long as you don't get in trouble, so did you, but if you do, 

[01:42:17] Harris: or we're gonna go fight for it. Hold up. Did you, so you should know that, did you pick that specific road?

[01:42:23] Harris: Because he was coming from Ridgewood, 

[01:42:25] Mike: right? You were coming from that, uh, Lincoln out No. Was, yes, I was returning, I was returning something at Whole Foods. Listen, Tom knows 

[01:42:31] Toliy: how to get into an 

[01:42:31] Eldar: adventure and I'm all for it. 

[01:42:33] Mike: Yes. 

[01:42:33] Toliy: Okay. If we were to, if any of us were, if any of us were to be at a random Person's Kid's Lemonade stand, it would be Tom out of all those.

[01:42:40] Toliy: Thank you. Thank you. Right, right. 

[01:42:41] Tommy: And, and as with, with, with when you guys were playing basketball, like, I, I, I think, I think it's, um, it's like an act of virtue to make these choices, like, you know, in one. In, in one way of in, when one manner of speaking of it, you're going to watch your friends play basketball, which is, for me, it's an exciting and fun experience, you know, from time to time.

[01:43:05] Tommy: Um, like, uh, you know, I enjoy being like there to part of it. Yeah. To witness the sport. Yeah. To to see friends, be around, friends to, uh, especially we used to go eat afterwards. That's right. That was a very big thing. Yeah. A lot. That's a lot of fun. Yeah. And that beats staying at home. Like you were saying on the last podcast, you would rather speak to a real person 100%.

[01:43:24] Tommy: But you guys are my friends 100%. Right? Right. At the end of the day, I think that, but you have to push past the feeling of guilt or shame. Yeah. Um, of, of, so like I'm saying, it's like it's an act of virtue. You have to do something. So in one manner of speaking of it, you are actually going to watch your friends play basketball, but in another manner of speaking on of it, you are doing those things that you do do as a friend.

[01:43:48] Tommy: You're being supportive. I think 

[01:43:50] Eldar: there's nothing better. Yeah. Especially when it comes to friendship is to have the opportunity, right. To be around the people that you enjoy spending time with. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Happiness right. Is when it's shared. Right. I agree. And however, however, sometimes we don't do a good job on selling the dream.

[01:44:08] Eldar: Right. Harris is trying to sell me this ghost fucking hunting shit. You know what I mean? And the truth of the matter is, to me it's right now it's shit. And if we survey the room, it's probably shit. You know what I mean? And like when we go over there, he's probably gonna be nervous, the fact that we're gonna judge him and all this other stuff, but nonetheless, right.

[01:44:24] Eldar: He's doing it for what reason? And I realize that he's like, yo, I wanna share it with my friends. Like, there's something that I get from it. Mm-hmm. That I'd like for you to try to get from it as well. You know what? I am not sure if we're gonna get it, get the same thing that he gets from it. 

[01:44:38] Harris: I, I do wanna state something.

[01:44:39] Harris: You might enjoy it. You might not enjoy it for the ghost hunt. That's why I want to enjoy it for the underwear part. No, no, no. That's not why you're gonna enjoy it. You like an adventure? Yes. You like I an adventure. You like exploring different places. Correct. Unknown places. Places you have explore. My 

[01:44:54] Eldar: adventure comes with, with in a very different realm.

[01:44:58] Eldar: My adventure comes, you know, from where exploring your 

[01:45:01] Harris: mind. I get that. But you also like explaining the outdoors. No. Yes. My adventure comes from exploring. You 

[01:45:08] Mike: do. Right. You trying to pitch you, you did go on the pyramid and see that naked guy up there. That's right. What the fuck? I did see that guy. It's not why 

[01:45:17] Speaker 6: you're trying to, you're trying to recreate some himself shit.

[01:45:21] Speaker 6: He 

[01:45:21] Eldar: exploring. I like to explore the way people perceive things. Like you would perceive certain things about the ghosts and stuff like that. I would enjoy that part. It's totally right. He's 

[01:45:31] Tommy: telling you like going to the planetarium. He's like, you're gonna explore world. And I think that's, you've never seen think that's what everybody 

[01:45:36] Eldar: has, right?

[01:45:38] Eldar: Tom needs to come. No. The truth of the matter is, Tom, sometimes maybe we weren't able to life out 

[01:45:42] Speaker 11: there. 

[01:45:45] Mike: No, but it's not about Tom. Tom is not, you don't need to sell him. Tom has a really like specific attachment to whatever weird stuff he does when he is not around. 

[01:45:54] Eldar: Sure. But like he says that like sometimes when the basketball thing, like the examples of coming, I 

[01:45:58] Tommy: felt sorry for him.

[01:45:58] Tommy: Michael Owen sounded like a little boy. Like he would come sometimes. Sometimes he 

[01:46:02] Eldar: wouldn't come. He would have that dilemma of whether or not he should come. 

[01:46:04] Mike: Yeah. But that dilemma was not because of hanging out, it was because if he wanted to steam himself to a higher standard regard. 

[01:46:10] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:46:12] Mike: He wanted to be a big, 

[01:46:14] Tommy: big wig, big fish.

[01:46:15] Tommy: Oh, I always tell that story about the redhead who I brought through. So 

[01:46:18] Eldar: this shit is always you saying it was calculated versus 

[01:46:22] Mike: No, not always. No. But sometimes when Tom's able to tune in. He knows, like the bees always come home and he comes home. Yeah. Like Tom, 

[01:46:31] Eldar: like when you are around us, like you have a good time or, or not, most of the time 

[01:46:35] Tommy: I, I do, but like I say, what, what my, my issue is I obsess and, you know, 

[01:46:41] Mike: I have like a, he's attached to this unhealthy cogniti obsession.

[01:46:44] Mike: Like, I have your obsession. Is it towards the ideas that you created by yourself for the future. 

[01:46:49] Tommy: It's like, I wanna be a high functioning person. See, 

[01:46:51] Mike: okay, that's what it is. 

[01:46:53] Tommy: I wanna, I wanna be high functioning. And the thing 

[01:46:55] Eldar: is, Tom, I don't the is that, and the thing is that the reason why you have a problem with to is that if you sat down and say what's high functioning mm-hmm.

[01:47:02] Eldar: You'll see that totally disagrees completely of what you're talking about. 

[01:47:06] Tommy: No, I don't think so right now. Maybe I do. Maybe, maybe he doesn't want to come across and that is why the problem, the problem comes about because 

[01:47:12] Eldar: he's very 

[01:47:12] Toliy: vocal about it. 

[01:47:13] Eldar: Yeah. You don't like I agree. Constant. I agree. 

[01:47:16] Toliy: I, I think the constant conflict that we have to to to be is very sim simple.

[01:47:22] Toliy: Tom, Tom is obsessed and convinced. Yeah. Obsessed and convinced, yeah. That, um, um, he, he knows what to do to make him happy. 

[01:47:35] Eldar: Mm. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I agree. And attached, 

[01:47:38] Toliy: yeah, attached, obsessed, convinced to, to know what to do to make him happy. Yeah. Right. I think there's plenty of times where we prove otherwise, uh, otherwise, yeah.

[01:47:50] Toliy: Those moments of alignment is what separates us and Tom. I agree. I'm, I'm also very, but he 

[01:47:56] Eldar: does, he does have those moments of the, 

[01:47:58] Toliy: the very, yeah. The v very small ones and it's usually in a desperation. Oh. So I, I wanna ask, but if, if, if time were to come, like if, if, if No, but recently 

[01:48:08] Mike: he was here. He'd like a month 10 with us.

[01:48:10] Mike: Pretty consistent. No, 

[01:48:11] Eldar: no, 

[01:48:11] Toliy: no, 

[01:48:11] Eldar: no, no. But sure. 

[01:48:12] Toliy: Coming around one, one thing. But like he was pending Mike. 

[01:48:15] Mike: Yeah. He was pending 

[01:48:16] Eldar: about that. He was pending. I, I have a question. Mr. He's right. Mike 

[01:48:23] Harris: that off? Yeah, because I'm about to ask something here. Put your fucking headphones on. I'm not gonna put my headphones on, Tom.

[01:48:30] Harris: Yeah, I know you like everyone to blend in, but come on now. Some of us are different, man. That's right. Someone want 

[01:48:35] Harris: our heads 

[01:48:35] Eldar: naked. Some of us learn through visuals. 

[01:48:40] Harris: Tom, was Yale one of the these things? 

[01:48:44] Tommy: Yes. You don't want to crack this can of worms up. Come on Harris. Rhetoric. You know the answer to, I also 

[01:48:50] Harris: sometimes think that Tom thinks he's one of, he, you know, he's the smartest guy in the room type thing.

[01:48:55] Harris: I, Tom's Liberation's an idiot. I knew he had that. I know Tom's liberation 

[01:48:59] Toliy: lies in coming to us and saying, guys, I made it. I've tried everything and I don't know what makes me happy. Okay. Yeah. Then we give him the six figure salary. Yes. And then if he actually believes this Yes. And then follows it. 

[01:49:10] Eldar: Yeah.

[01:49:11] Toliy: What we help him with, he'll be successful. He'll actually be happy. 

[01:49:13] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:49:14] Toliy: Until then, he is gu he is gu guaranteed. Like a, uh, I'm okay with Tom being completely 

[01:49:21] Eldar: gray. And getting to that point. Yeah. So why 

[01:49:23] Harris: don't you call your mom Tom? We love you, Tom. Tom. I mean, uh, yeah, El do Why don't you call your mom?

[01:49:29] Harris: Yeah. And pay them gray. Have 

[01:49:31] Harris: her dye the hair gray. Man. 

[01:49:32] Harris: Listen, that's a shortcut. Well, 

[01:49:33] Tommy: look guys, I mean, like inner enemy, like you said to a point, right. You know, like we're friends to a point. And I think I tried to get a little bit closer to the, the line that kind of defines our honesty with each other, you know?

[01:49:47] Tommy: And, uh, yeah, I'm a little behind the curve at times. I think I'm not as open and as transparent, um, because I tend to think of myself more whole than I really am. So, like, I have maybe like, like Mike, you, you said this whole thing came to you because you were thinking, am I being a good friend, right?

[01:50:08] Tommy: Mm-hmm. Um, and I can, I can relate to that a little bit. Maybe, maybe somewhere beyond friendship, right? Um, yeah. I think of, uh, point, right? I think of, I think of just basically what it means to be just, you know, like, and 

[01:50:27] Eldar: I'm gonna expand on that, Tom, if you, if you lost your train of thought, I'm okay with that.

[01:50:31] Eldar: Yeah. Please do. Just, just, just stop 

[01:50:33] Tommy: in. Yeah. 

[01:50:34] Eldar: Um, 

[01:50:37] Speaker 10: you can be a very good friend if you, 

[01:50:42] Eldar: despite of your shortcomings 

[01:50:43] Eldar: mm-hmm. 

[01:50:45] Eldar: Understanding those shortcomings, raise your hand and say, you know what? I might be a bad friend, but I'd like to learn. Right. And I think that with that type of humility that you display 

[01:50:56] Eldar: mm-hmm.

[01:50:57] Eldar: Is being the best friend that you can be. You know what I mean? Like where you can say, you know what? I might have fucked up. I might not know, but I'd like to learn. That's it. It's like, it's like going to the confessional and telling about, telling the fucking priest about all your sins. You wash your way, all the fucking nonsense because you const you, you've, you've humbled yourself enough.

[01:51:21] Eldar: To be able to build yourself back up, you know? And I think that's where also another tie of a good friendship is where you have the ability to say what, I don't know what I don't, I don't know the key to Toley or I don't know the key to Tom or Harris or whoever, you know, but I'd like to learn. 

[01:51:38] Toliy: Yeah.

[01:51:38] Toliy: Right, right. Now, Tom, that 

[01:51:39] Eldar: persistence, Tom, that persistence of coming back and trying 

[01:51:46] Speaker 9: is crazy. It's like, it's, it's like, wow, it's gold, right? 

[01:51:49] Toliy: Right. Now, Tom is a, a, a 600 pound fat person hiding behind a two day old tree. 

[01:51:57] Speaker 10: Tom, enough is enough. Come home. Come home. 

[01:52:03] Harris: Oh yeah, I am. For how long? Uh, a couple weeks.

[01:52:08] Harris: Thank you. And then he's gonna Right. Always get into an argument with Holly 

[01:52:11] Toliy: and he's gonna 

[01:52:11] Harris: storm 

[01:52:11] Toliy: out and, uh, yeah. He's a 

[01:52:12] Eldar: temporary guy. Yeah. Me, 

[01:52:14] Toliy: me and time. I haven't had an argument in a long time. 

[01:52:16] Eldar: That's what you think right now. Your arguments are more silent than you think. Oh, okay. Fine. You know what I mean?

[01:52:21] Eldar: Because now you kind of like realize that you shouldn't bicker back. But like, the bickering is silent. Yes or no is 

[01:52:28] Toliy: silent. Yeah. 

[01:52:28] Eldar: Alright, good. 

[01:52:29] Toliy: So, Tom, look Tom, you shake your mouth when you speak to me. Yes. 

[01:52:34] Tommy: The, the other question is how do you, how do you Well, I mean, look, I don't wanna defer too much from like what we were just saying.

[01:52:43] Tommy: Um, but you know, the 

[01:52:45] Eldar: only, the only way to suck the demon out of him is through objectivity. 

[01:52:51] Speaker 10: Objectivity. Can you expand on that? True friendship. Uhhuh is rooted in objectivity and gravity. 

[01:53:04] Eldar: Okay. And I dig it. That is why all the bees come back to the hive. If there is objectivity about that, which is going on.

[01:53:16] Eldar: It is undeniable. 

[01:53:17] Toliy: Yeah, but you have to, to buy into objectivity would have to be what you, you have to, what do you mean buy you? 

[01:53:22] Eldar: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What, what do you mean buy into objectivity? That's kind of fun. You have no choice in the matter. No, but thank you Harris. No, I'm just gonna give you a million dollars.

[01:53:30] Eldar: Just let me buy into 

[01:53:32] Toliy: it. Yeah. What the fuck? No, no. I'm saying that like, like to, to, to participate in objectivity is putting your, uh, emotions to the side, like fear. Well, no, no, no, no. Of course. I agree with that. Yeah. And no one is willing to do that. 

[01:53:47] Eldar: Well, no, no, no, no. You, I don't think you have a choice in the matter.

[01:53:50] Eldar: Who is No one, who's no one, 

[01:53:52] Mike: no one has a choice in the matter. Yeah. No, he's saying no one has a, what did he say? No one has what? 

[01:53:58] Toliy: No. Like no one's willing to do that. 

[01:54:00] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:54:01] Eldar: Do that. No one has a choice in the matter at the end of the day. No, but I'm not, but what do you mean? 

[01:54:05] Toliy: No, no one has a choice. 

[01:54:07] Eldar: No one has a choice in the matter that the bees always come back to the hive.

[01:54:10] Eldar: Even, even if they don't come back. It's a paradox. Oh, 

[01:54:13] Toliy: okay. Yeah. If you're saying it in that paradoxical way, okay. They die with it and Yeah. I don't understand 

[01:54:19] Mike: what you're saying. No one has a what? 

[01:54:21] Toliy: Like, no, no one, like, uh, like in, in, in those moments, put people operates that way. Yeah. People usually don't put their, like their, their like fears or they're like doubts or they're like, uh, the truth of the matter is right to the side.

[01:54:34] Toliy: Right. 

[01:54:34] Eldar: The truth of the matter is Right. The truth of the matter is right to a naked eye. We've been pretty bad to Harris. 

[01:54:40] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:54:41] Eldar: But the truth of the matter is we've been very good to Harris. Oh yeah. Yeah. Right. That's the truth of the matter. Right? Of course. The physical truth, we've been more than good to Harris.

[01:54:50] Eldar: Mm-hmm. But Right. But the family members must say, yo, you guys are brainwashing him into something. Mm-hmm. You guys doing this. Yeah. But 

[01:54:56] Harris: you said that always happens, man. 

[01:54:57] Eldar: Well, yeah. That's a natural phenomenon that has to happen. 

[01:55:02] Toliy: Well, yeah. Because those people are not willing to put correct their fears or their anxieties to the side, to the 

[01:55:06] Eldar: side where Harris here is in a gauntlet.

[01:55:09] Eldar: Right. Taking it in every single day. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, 

[01:55:14] Harris: man. 

[01:55:15] Eldar: In a rare 

[01:55:15] Harris: whoa, whoa, whoa, man. 

[01:55:17] Eldar: Taking it in. Taking in what? Oh man. Well, yeah, that's what's happening. And you're rolling with it. And what? And guess what your mind, mind fucking me, man. And the Yeah. And the truth of the matter is, the only reason why he keeps coming back is because of subjectivity.

[01:55:33] Eldar: Not ob I mean, I'm sorry. Objectivity. Because his soul deep inside knows what's right and wrong. Right now my soul, and he has no choice in the matter right now, my soul is black. Uh, sure, sure. It is black. Sure. If black being means negative or bad Yeah. Or untrue. Um, but nonetheless, he keeps coming back. Why?

[01:55:56] Eldar: Why? Because we're not gonna lose this argument on, on subjectivity. Totally. You know that we're not gonna lose against him if he fucks up and he goes, right, it's gonna be an objective, uh, what's his name? Grounds. He's gonna sit there and he is gonna eat shit on his own, on on his own. Subjective experience.

[01:56:19] Eldar: Yeah. But 

[01:56:19] Toliy: yeah. But like the person who's feeling that way makes those kind of decisions, can justify whatever reasons they want. No problem. 

[01:56:26] Eldar: Yeah. But the truth is the truth, 

[01:56:27] Toliy: right? Sure. But if they don't, they're not thinking about it in those kind of, who gives a fuck? 

[01:56:32] Eldar: Who gives a fuck? 

[01:56:34] Toliy: Well, no, sure. Yes. But, but this is what we're talking about, right?

[01:56:38] Toliy: Like, we're 

[01:56:39] Eldar: talk, but what I'm saying is at bring this back to friendship, right? Is that we connect on real friendship level, I think to, 

[01:56:46] Toliy: to, to me, objectivity between two people only prevails if, if it, if it wins, 

[01:56:53] Eldar: but it always wins. 

[01:56:55] Toliy: Like in the paradoxical way. Yeah. But I'm saying yes, that the people who, who it doesn't like, let's just call it doesn't win.

[01:57:02] Toliy: What, who, who, who, 

[01:57:03] Eldar: who doesn't 

[01:57:04] Toliy: win. Well, whoever doesn't win, they have a justification as to why. For how long? For as long as they need. Yeah. But nonetheless, it's gonna expire or it may not. Oh, how so? It expires every time. Well, you could die with it, you know? 

[01:57:20] Speaker 9: Well then come back 

[01:57:20] Toliy: with it again. 

[01:57:22] Speaker 9: Well, okay.

[01:57:23] Speaker 9: You know, fine. 

[01:57:25] Toliy: No, like fine. What, what guarantees are you giving that everybody will eventually, 

[01:57:30] Speaker 12: I'm not gonna give guarantees because you try to trap me again. He's trying to trap you again, which is fine. 

[01:57:36] Toliy: Trap you. I'm just saying that like this is what happens and then, um, yeah. To me, like the only failures happen is when there's a sub subjective justification, but not understanding and not willingness to find out, uh, like at two, because the attachments is 

[01:57:52] Eldar: strong enough and long enough.

[01:57:53] Eldar: Yeah. And hard enough. Yeah. To un uns soften itself in this lifestyle lifetime. Fine. 

[01:57:59] Toliy: Yeah. Fine, fine. You, you're subjective feelings and you're, um, that's some, some 

[01:58:04] Eldar: motherfuckers have to die with 

[01:58:05] Toliy: it. 

[01:58:05] Eldar: Yeah. Are parents is a good example of that, Harris, right. Who's not supportive of you and you trying to level up your, your family and your, your, your family, right?

[01:58:16] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:58:17] Eldar: They're gonna have to die with their subjective experiences or their understanding. And that's okay. And my mom and my dad will die with these experiences, which is okay. That is why we're their kids. So we can level up and that's how society levels up by having the best, you know, and continues to level up and teach them better and more and more and more.

[01:58:37] Eldar: Right. If you were to ask your, ask you right now, if you have kids right now, would you like for your kids to be like, you grew up, like when I grew 

[01:58:46] Speaker 9: up? Yeah. I 

[01:58:47] Harris: grew up. 

[01:58:47] Speaker 9: Yeah. 

[01:58:48] Eldar: Fuck no. There you go. Why I could up in a 

[01:58:52] Speaker 12: hard fucking life, dude. There you 

[01:58:53] Eldar: go. Right. You clearly want better for them, right. Uh, maybe you might have defined better the best way, but nonetheless you want better for them because you realize that the way you grew up was tough.

[01:59:08] Eldar: Right. So that's what I'm saying is that we're constantly leveling up. We're trying to level up. Yeah. It might take a couple of lifetimes. He, he's right of the fact that, listen, your subjective experience might be so attached to you, to your understanding that Tom might have to die with the fact that he wants to esteem himself as like this celebrity writer.

[01:59:26] Eldar: Okay. 

[01:59:27] Toliy: Yeah. Are they gonna make a movie about you? Mutual objectivity always prevails. Always wins. That is where the, that is where the 

[01:59:34] Eldar: friendship, I think is, um, knitted. 

[01:59:37] Toliy: Well, well, yeah. That's what I was saying is that those moments where either one or more of, of, of the parties has an attachment or has some kind of thing Right.

[01:59:45] Toliy: When the two friends get to that place, if that's not overcome, then it goes backwards, you know? And it continues to for the moment that Yeah. But then it could come back to that point again. Yes. And then if, if it doesn't, it'll go backwards again. Yes, yes. But it can go forwards if those things Yes. Are, are conquered.

[02:00:01] Toliy: Yes. Are you guys talking 

[02:00:02] Mike: about like an advanced thing or a base level thing? What is this? I think we're talking about both things. Um, 

[02:00:10] Eldar: like do you have to be I'm gonna tell you right now. Yeah. I'm gonna give you example, the actual example that we're talking about. Mm-hmm. For example, with the neighbor.

[02:00:18] Eldar: Mm-hmm. You know how I feel about it. Mm-hmm. I think me and you are more synchronized with the neighbor thing than totally is. 

[02:00:23] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Right? 

[02:00:24] Eldar: Where we know that like, yo, we can't acknowledge him. Mm-hmm. We're living our life. We don't have to say hi to each other. We are already there. Yeah, 

[02:00:32] Toliy: totally. No, no, but, but I'm also there.

[02:00:34] Eldar: Oh, well, no, your actions speak louder than words. Why? Well, because you wave to him still. What do you mean waved? Well, totally. You wave to him. You waived? 

[02:00:44] Toliy: Oh, you, you're talking about prior to, to, 

[02:00:47] Eldar: no, prior to this. It's prior to what you witnessed with your eyes. Oh, okay. Right. Yeah. The deduction that me and Mike came to con conclude, right?

[02:00:55] Eldar: Yeah. Is that this individual is this individual. Right. We've understood that. Like, okay, we got this. Right. Totally. Did not believe us yet, which is fine. That's his experience. Right. Nonetheless, I felt a certain type of way. I told you about this and I told you about this, that like when he waved or he looked to wave Right.

[02:01:14] Eldar: I was like, are you serious? Yeah, yeah. I understand about 

[02:01:18] Toliy: it means a completely unconscious like, uh, thing because it's always like, I get it. 

[02:01:22] Eldar: I get it. And I think that the difference between conscious, sub subconscious and conscious behavior is a very, very specific thing, right? Mm-hmm. Where, when your dad acts a certain type of way subconsciously mm-hmm.

[02:01:36] Eldar: And you meet him with conscious behavior mm-hmm. You clearly see what the fuck is going on. Yeah. You, you, you stop that at the track. Yeah. Right. And I think that friendship, real friendship, yeah. Right. Is the meaning of both. Mm-hmm. Right. Where it's like we are on the same page. Mm-hmm. We are united front.

[02:01:51] Eldar: Yeah. We have strength in numbers, right? Mm-hmm. Behind an objective cause 

[02:01:55] Mike: Yeah. 

[02:01:56] Eldar: That we agreed upon. 

[02:01:57] Mike: Yeah. 

[02:01:57] Eldar: Right. Reasonably, hopefully. Yeah. Hopefully that we're not pushing an agenda that's like destructive and bad Oh yeah. In such a way where it's like, look, you know what I mean? Like that's not detrimental to everyone.

[02:02:06] Eldar: We're not mm-hmm. Right. In this case, we clearly are. So when we see, when we encounter those types of behaviors, we clearly, it makes me feel a certain type of ways, and I understand that a friendship is a dynamic. Mm-hmm. And that encompassing big whole thing that mm-hmm. Doesn't just revolve around one gesture about their neighbors.

[02:02:24] Eldar: Yeah. But nonetheless, it's a, it's a, it's a belief system. And value system. Right. Yeah. That is why when he found out mm-hmm. 

[02:02:31] Mike: What 

[02:02:31] Eldar: he found out on his own 

[02:02:33] Mike: Yeah. 

[02:02:34] Eldar: Those videos. Mm-hmm. And the way the person actually feels about him, which I already knew, that they felt about him. Mm-hmm. He came to me and said, yo, you were right.

[02:02:43] Eldar: I ain't believe you, which I appreciated in the moment. Mm-hmm. And I was like, finally. Yeah. Finally now. Mm-hmm. You know how I feel. 

[02:02:50] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[02:02:51] Eldar: Because when I was feeling that way, I couldn't sleep. And I was fucking telling you, you saw me pacing back and forth for hours in my fucking backyard, barefoot. Mm-hmm.

[02:02:59] Eldar: You know what I mean? Because I was fucking angry. Mm-hmm. He felt a, a smidget of that. Mm-hmm. Is again, I'm furious. Yeah. We got on the same page. Mm-hmm. Now we can have a united front mm-hmm. In order to tackle a problem that, that we have on our hands. 

[02:03:13] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Yeah. 

[02:03:15] Eldar: Harris Right. He fucks with us, he rides with us.

[02:03:17] Eldar: He's ready to take a shit on his lawn or whatever, whatever he says, whoa. Right. He maybe is surface level understanding how we should move. Mm-hmm. Right. Nonetheless, he riding with us on the attack, man, he's riding blindly with us blindly. Yeah. Which is, I appreciate, but I don't appreciate because he should be more educated and that's how we should actually move.

[02:03:35] Eldar: He's a front liner. He's a frontline. He dies first. Yes. I'm the guy 

[02:03:39] Harris: that you want to go in the courtroom and probably you just, you go the me grinder before me. You're just a me grinder. 

[02:03:45] Eldar: You know what I mean? Yeah. Tom, Tom has no idea what we're talking about at all. No, I'm here. I'm here. I'm trying to be your ride or die man.

[02:03:53] Eldar: Go there. And you're, and you are. Tom would be the one that call the cops on us. Yes. I mean, no, and we cops not the cops 

[02:03:59] Harris: man's gonna call tip into the fbi. I, man. So look, 

[02:04:01] Eldar: listen, listen. So what I'm saying is that at the end of the day, is that the friendship Right. Probably is strong or put together in a very objective types of scenarios where all people agree upon a very specific thing.

[02:04:15] Eldar: Hopefully it's rooted in truth. Mm-hmm. Right? Yeah. Where, where we're not afraid of the consequences. Right. We ride for the consequence. Mm-hmm. And knowing that we're standing behind the truth and we're willing to ride to the end. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. I, I think that this displaying a good friendship is to show that I'm ready to die for that shit.

[02:04:35] Eldar: And I told you that shit. Mm-hmm. I was like, yo, I don't give a fuck what happens. Yeah. I'm not scared of this fucking cop. I'm not scared of this fucking guy. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Like Yeah. If he comes outta line, I'm punching him in the face, like I'll, that's how I feel. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean?

[02:04:46] Eldar: Like, if he steps outta line and threatens him, I'm gonna come to his, to his thing, and I know that you'll be the second person in line mm-hmm. To back me up. 

[02:04:54] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[02:04:55] Eldar: I'm not sure if he was there yet. Mm-hmm. And I think that he's getting there now. 

[02:04:59] Harris: Mm-hmm. Let, let's be clear, it's not gonna be, uh, the man that steps outta line.

[02:05:04] Harris: Correct. 

[02:05:07] Eldar: Nobody's stepping outta line. I'm just saying. No, no, no. I'm telling you, Harris, there's nobody to step outta line because the line that we, the bar that we have is so high that it's impossible. And if it is, trust me, we out, we gonna outpace them. It's gonna be too easy. The art of war. What Jared talked about is this thing that we're talking about, that the opponent has no chance.

[02:05:29] Mike: He's playing checkers, we're playing chess. He is not playing anything. Mike. Yeah. I'm trying to give Harris as a reference, so, oh, he's playing marbles. 

[02:05:37] Eldar: Yeah, he, he throwing rocks around for no reason on the floor while we playing chess. You know what I mean? Synchronized way, say check in. And if we're all synchronized, that is the energy, that is the power that we're gonna take this to the end.

[02:05:50] Eldar: And trust me, nobody's gonna outlast us because this is an idea versus a very immortal person. And trust me, we sacrificed more than that 

[02:06:01] Tommy: before. Harris, 

[02:06:01] Eldar: as a veteran should know these values. Yes. Thank you. Your Army vet, uh, Harris. Harris, you were always the first one out of the chopper getting killed. 

[02:06:12] Harris: You have a chance in this lifetime.

[02:06:14] Harris: Not I'm the one that's gonna jump If under the bullet 

[02:06:16] Toliy: this lifetime you have chance, not this life. You have a chance. If you pay attention, 

[02:06:20] Eldar: you don't, you'll have a chance. 

[02:06:21] Toliy: We, we can have. My grandpa got shot in the ass climbing a helicopter by friendly fire. 

[02:06:24] Harris: Oh, shut up man. Friendly fire's. Terrible serious.

[02:06:27] Toliy: Really? 

[02:06:27] Harris: Your grandfather got shot in the ass while climbing helicopter. That's crazy. Yeah. Like 

[02:06:31] Eldar: a letter. Wow. That's crazy. What the fuck? Listen, all I'm saying, we don't have to go that far. He showed me the As. Listen,

[02:06:42] Eldar: if we synchronize on the objective truth and we follow that Right. And we live that out and I, this is a bad example of it. We obviously have a lot of objective truth that we agree upon. Mm-hmm. You know, this is one that's pretty nasty. One, but I would say necessary in life. Right. Uh, you know what, Mike, the more philosophy, you know, you know what Epstein said to me?

[02:07:02] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Like the more philosophy you kind of do. Mm-hmm. Right. The more likely you got gonna come under fire where he was also, um, yeah. I remember accused of corrupting the youth in college Yeah. And trying to get rid of him. Yeah. Trying to get rid of him. Yeah. And he had to sue the college. Right. Yeah. I remember.

[02:07:16] Eldar: And it's like more and more as you push the envelope on thinking and thought and progress and, and that you're gonna challenge these individuals that's been stale and stuck for a very long time and they're mm-hmm. Ending in a buck. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like Yeah. And that is what's happening. I think that we've done this many times.

[02:07:32] Eldar: Mm-hmm. And some of us are much more comfortable in it than others. Mm-hmm. I don't give a fuck. 

[02:07:39] Speaker 9: Very dangerous. 

[02:07:41] Mike: He's a dangerous person. Harris. So 

[02:07:43] Speaker 9: a very specific individual. Harris, 

[02:07:47] Mike: you better watch out man. 

[02:07:48] Eldar: You guys Friendship. Did we identify certain things that, what it means to actually be friends and not Right.

[02:07:55] Eldar: Because I think that. Ultimately. Right. Um, listen, if Tom gets stuck on the fact that he's this guy for forever, I mean, I'm okay with it. I mean, I obviously don't wish that for him. You know, like he's providing a certain level of comfort for me. Right. But he's kind of suffering Right. Uh, on my watch. 

[02:08:14] Eldar: Yeah. 

[02:08:14] Eldar: I hope he get, he does, he does better for himself.

[02:08:17] Eldar: Right. But I'll adjust. Right. I, I wish better for him, 

[02:08:22] Harris: but, but if he, if he gets stuck on this, then it's okay. 

[02:08:25] Harris: Yeah. 

[02:08:25] Harris: But you want him to continue sitting on your lap Sometimes. Only when you're not looking, because I don't want you to be jealous. 

[02:08:32] Eldar: Oh, Harris getting 

[02:08:33] Tommy: kind of ucky. Mm-hmm. 

[02:08:35] Eldar: Ucky fuck is wrong with this guy.

[02:08:36] Eldar: That's the gayest thing I've ever heard Your lap. Yeah. You wanna unplug his feathers? Yeah. 

[02:08:42] Harris: But ultimately I think that the 

[02:08:44] Eldar: good friendship, 

[02:08:45] Harris: put your fucking headphones on. The fuck is wrong with this guy, man. Sorry. It'd be 

[02:08:49] Eldar: nice to him. Be nice to him. Why? Why are you reacting like that? I know it makes you worse.

[02:08:54] Eldar: Mm-hmm. If you're reacting this way, that makes you worse. Do you understand this or no? No. You don't? Okay. One day I'll explain to you,

[02:09:02] Eldar: it's Tom, I 

[02:09:04] Harris: love you. I do love you. Like a brother, man. Like a brother. Why are you off? Say like a brother? He's my brother. Just say like a partner. He's my brother, man. Say like, I love you. Like a partner. 

[02:09:12] Eldar: Yeah. Partner in this like the world, the life 

[02:09:15] Harris: thing that you're partner, because we're all, we're both fucked up in the head.

[02:09:17] Harris: We're at the same point in life, man. Mm-hmm. But, 

[02:09:19] Tommy: but you can't come into the awful office. Why? At the same point in life thing. 

[02:09:23] Harris: Because more I think about it is more we have in common. Uh, sure. You might have stuff in common, but it doesn't mean you in the same point in life. You 26, he's 50. We'll find a place for him, uh, in the White House.

[02:09:33] Harris: He's 

[02:09:34] Toliy: 50. 

[02:09:35] Harris: Uh, we'll find a place for him, uh, in the White House. Mm-hmm. I like that. Uh, yeah. Yeah. We, as long as time keeps coming around, we'll find a place for, we'll find him 

[02:09:42] Toliy: his own, uh, nook. Mm-hmm. Tom would love just to walk around the white, the White House permanently, right? Yeah. Mm-hmm. 

[02:09:47] Mike: A hundred percent.

[02:09:48] Toliy: I know. Taking, like, going libraries over there, but he wants to like his own nook. With his own cook. No, no. Having to sign out books, man. What are you talking about, 

[02:09:58] Harris: man? The first thing he's gonna do is he's gonna open the 

[02:10:01] Harris: glass to our constitution. Tom. Tom, you want us to hire what's his name? Interns, 

[02:10:05] Eldar: uh, go like, you know, for letter, um, for our, for our company.

[02:10:08] Eldar: And then you can start like training them and do things around them. 

[02:10:13] Harris: What, what are you trying to get him to do? I think Tom wants a team. He wants 

[02:10:18] Harris: to like, you know, he needs a team. Yeah. He needs a team. His own team. To run 

[02:10:21] Eldar: a team. Yeah. 

[02:10:22] Harris: To do 

[02:10:22] Tommy: what? To raise them to do whatever. You know? That's my problem. I go into things half-assed, so I'm gonna say no.

[02:10:30] Tommy: Oh no. That's honest. You see how, 

[02:10:33] Toliy: how about this, we hire a sort of interns Yeah. Right? For Tom to do like whatever, whatever. Yeah. And the first one that says what the fuck is going on gets hired. 

[02:10:44] Eldar: Yes. Mm. That's a good way to fucking, uh, weed the vet somebody and the person to be 

[02:10:47] Toliy: like, yo, what the fuck is this?

[02:10:50] Toliy: Like, you know, you, I don't think anybody would say that. Totally. What? Nobody has that, that's why I'm saying that's, we would have to 

[02:10:55] Eldar: record the whole thing. And when Tom leaves the room Yeah. They'll 

[02:10:57] Toliy: say that. Yeah. Or they'll look like 

[02:10:59] Eldar: this 

[02:10:59] Toliy: Yeah. To each other. But anyone says like, does anybody else confused?

[02:11:02] Toliy: What do you mean, bro? We get that one. Yeah. 

[02:11:05] Harris: Yeah. We get, and turns will suck up. Like, oh, wow. You're t no. That's why we're saying the one that speaks out feels 

[02:11:12] Toliy: differently. Mm-hmm. 

[02:11:12] Harris: You do have cameras everywhere in the office. Mm-hmm. You just have to convince them to let you go back and put one back in the break room.

[02:11:19] Harris: Right? Yeah. Hire some nice Israelis, Tom and Red Hat. He likes redhead, likes Red Hat. 

[02:11:24] Toliy: Alright 

[02:11:25] Harris: guys. 

[02:11:25] Toliy: Friendship. Did we say anything or no? Friendship is a sheltering tree. 

[02:11:31] Tommy: Oh. Uh, that's something. Friendship 

[02:11:34] Harris: can be a frustrating fucker. 

[02:11:39] Eldar: That's, that's, that's honest. 

[02:11:41] Eldar: Yeah. That's honest. Thank you Harris. Uh, hope you won't say anything else.

[02:11:44] Eldar: What is wrong with you, man? I'm just joking. Uh, Tom, friendship. 

[02:11:50] Toliy: Yeah, Tom, that's a good point. All right. Harris. 

[02:11:52] Speaker 12: Mm-hmm. That, that was the most, uh, 

[02:11:55] Toliy: brilliant thing 

[02:11:56] Harris: I ever heard. I'm 

[02:11:58] Speaker 11: Yeah. He's getting clever. He is getting clever. Red. Little snappy fucking, I got the perfect job. Tom just came to me. Should get him groomed or get him neutered.

[02:12:09] Speaker 11: It just 

[02:12:09] Toliy: came to me. We got a n this, yo, I got the perfect 

[02:12:14] Harris: hold up. I got the perfect job in the White House for Tom. It just came to me after every announcement I make at the White House. Tom has to come in with that laugh at the end. 

[02:12:25] Speaker 11: That is good. Yeah. After every, no, after every meeting. Tom just said we, he wants to cut off your chew.

[02:12:31] Speaker 11: We wee like, it's like, alright. Look. 

[02:12:33] Tommy: Korea. No, but Korea. You see it? Now listen, Korea, we're gonna impose sanctions. Can you see it on you? And then I'm just gonna step right in. No, no, 

[02:12:41] Harris: you're not stepping in, dude. Tom's just gonna rise like, you know, and 

[02:12:46] Harris: then go back down. Oh, he's the guy from Mortal Kombat.

[02:12:48] Harris: Yeah. He's just gonna rise behind. But Jared is, 

[02:12:51] Mike: has a Tommy level laugh as well. He does. 

[02:12:54] Toliy: Yes he does. Jared 

[02:12:54] Mike: has a sick laugh. I didn't see this yet. What? I haven't ever, yeah, he has a good laugh. What the hell was that? A sick 

[02:13:01] Toliy: one? That was Jared laugh and, and he shakes his arm while he does it. No, they have like a fat person laugh.

[02:13:06] Toliy: Tommy, 

[02:13:07] Eldar: say something about friendship. Uh, did we say anything? Are we onto something? Yes. Yes. Did we miss 

[02:13:13] Tommy: something? Friendship can be, uh, illuminating and, uh hmm. Wonderful. And, uh, and exciting and, and adventurous. Um, as long as we, as friends bring our best selves, uh, to, to the group, to, to the unit, to the beehive.

[02:13:44] Tommy: Okay. Thank you, Tom. Amen. Socrates, man, for saying, I, I come with my best self, which is to the naked eye. Maybe not, not, not such a, such a good self. Why 

[02:13:54] Harris: does he always gotta talk about naked? 

[02:13:55] Tommy: Maybe it could be a little bit more, you know, maybe it could be a little bit more, um, uh, I don't know. A lot of things, you know, I, I could definitely do more for myself.

[02:14:08] Tommy: That's what I'm recognizing. Mm-hmm. And, you know, uh, you know, I, I think like maybe a little like Harris. I choose to hear things my way. And I don't necessarily realize that, but now I, I realize that my relationship with things that I love to do is changing and it's improving. And it's, you know, where, where, when I thought LA like years ago, I was at the top of my game.

[02:14:32] Tommy: I was really a piece of shit. Hmm. You know? Right. And if that problem, or this, uh, this, the mistakes that I make continue to, to occur, you know, then it's not, and it makes no sense. So my, my whole thing is questioning, examining my life, which I don't think is the wrong thing. Uh, wanting to live adventurously now.

[02:14:57] Tommy: Mm-hmm. I don't think that's a wrong thing either. Um, and like, I don't know which part of this is about friendship. And, and so I think the best self that I bring, um, to a friendship is, like you said, you, it's like, just like you said, you know, um, it's sincere. You don't, you won't, you won't wish for me to suffer.

[02:15:18] Tommy: You know, there is a point at which you realize that, you know, your friend is dealing with something Yeah. Suffering. And there's that, there's that point. Um, but it excites me because for me to break through and, uh, discover some honesty in my own, you know, in, in doing what I love, you know, I have to, I feel like I have to do this to lean into things that I, um, that I know to be true.

[02:15:47] Tommy: Um, it's is a very good feeling. And I, and I, I feel like if my cup is full, I wanna share it, right? Like, I want to be able to, to bring that, that very good self to, to here, you know what I mean? Harris is, is now here after like 10 years, I haven't seen him. And I, I, like, I see him, you know, uh, go through many months of experiences like you guys have had so much happen here and.

[02:16:14] Tommy: You know, like I, I do feel a little bit like I haven't been a part of it, right. And I'm like, you know, it, it, I'm in awe. Let's put it that way. You know, you guys have done a lot, uh, you know, so like, your progress here in the last year or so, I mean, it's just like commendable. No, it's, it's, it's, um, it's awesome.

[02:16:42] Tommy: It's awesome because, um, you know, like, it has, you know, it has, it has a lot. It has a lot to it. Would you like a moment to kiss him? 

[02:16:54] Harris: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, bro. I told you, told you Tommy, you can't be doing that, man. Yeah. How 

[02:17:00] Toliy: about if it's a metaphorical kiss? 

[02:17:02] Harris: Yes. What's wrong with you, bro? Would you take it?

[02:17:04] Harris: No. 

[02:17:05] Toliy: A metaphorical one, not a real one. It's not gay. 

[02:17:08] Eldar: Yeah. If it's not in the physical realm, yeah. A metaphorical 

[02:17:11] Harris: one. If it's in spiritual world, right? Yeah. What's wrong with you, man? What? You always try to get that man. You, you little weird, bro. Yeah. First is the underwear and holding hands. Yes. Yes. Even when, uh, metaphorical metaphysical kisses.

[02:17:26] Harris: Come on, man. Even when cat that, she's like, whoa, whoa.

[02:17:32] Eldar: So, like, I don't, I I have to say this. He wanted more than just a kiss. That was all I'm saying. I'm trying to settle, I'm trying to help you out. What, 

[02:17:40] Harris: what is wrong with you, man? Why are you gay? 

[02:17:43] Toliy: Alright, so where the fuck are we at, Tom? I, 

[02:17:46] Tommy: we, I don't think what? Fuck we, we really said, I, I know Friendship is really like a shared thing.

[02:17:50] Tommy: It's, it's really a lovely thing. Um, you know, I, and I, I think, I think very, very often, more often than I should, I should think because it, it shouldn't be such an, like a thing. It shouldn't be so, um, so overstated. I think that you, you like as an, as an individual. Like Mike started this conversation with, basically was like, am I a good friend?

[02:18:15] Tommy: Mm-hmm. And, you know, I recently plugged the podcast right? A few times, and, um, and I was talking to this guy and I told him your story, Eldar, about how you, you know, you, um, you got bit by the philosophy bug and he's taking this course, and he is like, I, he can't even, like, uh, he can't even pronounce the word philosophy, right?

[02:18:35] Tommy: Like, um, so, you know, it's like this almost mystic thing, uh, this philosophy. And, and, you know, it came, the, the ideas came to me like, what kinds of questions do you ask? Am I a good friend? Or, you know, if you know, and he's there. That's a very philosophical question, Tom. Right. And, and, and you know, we we're constantly like, you know, I think we're constantly talking about how our lives are, right?

[02:19:00] Tommy: Yeah. So this kid, he was visiting his friend, and we were at the Starbucks, and I saw, I noticed him talking, and he is, he mentioned this class that he's taking and, you know, if you can steer someone in, in that direction to understand what the big, big questions are, you know, so it's like, you know, if you ask these things and you willing, you're willing to say, I don't know, you know, I'm not sure if I'm a good friend, you know, and, but I wanna find out if I'm a good friend.

[02:19:30] Tommy: Um, it's, it's really cool because we, you know, we're all responding to that. So that's, this actually ties back into how, how I found you guys, like how you guys found me, because to be elevated to the status, uh, as a friend. Mm-hmm. Um, I took it upon myself maybe too much as a burden to do, to do just that, you know, to be able to give back.

[02:19:53] Tommy: So yeah, I was in a way asking myself, am I a good friend? Mm-hmm. You know, but,

[02:20:01] Tommy: but not really. Like, I wasn't really asking myself that. I just think the individual is like, it's in, it's important for you as a person to be. Maybe honest with yourself and, and, uh, and strive towards being just, and consistent, like being, being good and consistent. And then, you know, like sharing that reality of the friendship that you guys have.

[02:20:26] Eldar: Hmm. 

[02:20:27] Tommy: It's like, I don't mind, you know, um, confessing in a way to like my wrongs, to like my weaknesses and stuff. Yeah. Okay. Know, I don't, I don't mind like being, um, you know, like the pinata a little bit, right. Oh, that word. I don't mind it. I don't mind it. Um, but that's because, you know, at, at, at the, the root of it, I really don't know sometimes what I want and I don't know how to express what my dreams are and where I wanna see my life going.

[02:20:56] Tommy: And I'm trying to, I'm trying to push through that little by little, you know? 

[02:21:01] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[02:21:03] Eldar: Thank you Tom, for saying nothing. So I'm gonna, um, keep you humble. Okay. What 

[02:21:08] Speaker 13: you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I've ever heard. At no point were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought.

[02:21:18] Speaker 13: Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. 

[02:21:23] Toliy: What 

[02:21:23] Tommy: the fuck was that guys? I tell her to clarify, if you didn't understand what I was saying, which I think you understood. I did. I understood everything because Stop it. You did. You did. Because I just think, you know, like, I don't know. I, I think, Tom, I'm 

[02:21:38] Eldar: gonna tell you right now, to be humbly tell you that you operating on a higher level than us, and it's harder for us to understand you.

[02:21:48] Speaker 9: Okay. 

[02:21:48] Speaker 10: All right. 

[02:21:49] Toliy: That, that's a sick way of always, uh, yo, holy shit. 

[02:21:53] Tommy: For, for, for me, for me to say, holy, for me to say this about you, I found 

[02:21:56] Toliy: a keynote. What? You found a sick fucking thing that like what the other person say? Because you basing as your t than the other per person, and the person is significantly smarter.

[02:22:09] Toliy: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Holy fuck, man. Wait, is that a way 

[02:22:12] Harris: to just get him to quiet? No, it's up on it. Yeah. What the fuck can 

[02:22:17] Toliy: you say back, like, I just saying, Hey. Yeah. I'm too dumb to what a compli what you're saying. Yes. Which is, it's like a backhanded compliment. You can't say anything back, 

[02:22:30] Speaker 6: man, guys. There's no, there's no question.

[02:22:32] Speaker 6: I'm trying to like, you know, I'm 

[02:22:33] Eldar: trying to unwire him, guys, help me out. Here's, there's 

[02:22:35] Tommy: absolutely no question in my mind that when I'm my best self and I'm doing my very best, um, that my friends are actually supportive and, and there for me all the way. Tom, you guys are not here to make my life living hell or tear my shit 

[02:22:47] Eldar: down or not good.

[02:22:48] Eldar: Tom, you know what? And I appreciate that comment and I'm gonna roll off of that. You're, what you're describing, if you are describing that, is an objective truth. That if we have the ability as human beings tap in into objective truth, like the one we described before, gravity, right? When it comes to psychological mm-hmm.

[02:23:09] Eldar: Things fucking, I'm having a hard time finding words, but now, but um, then, right? Yes. We actually do mean you well, right? I mean Well for you. Yeah. And even, even though you might not be meaning well for yourself because you might be compromised within that moment of time because of an attachment that you might have and you not might, you might not be coming cling to us about it.

[02:23:35] Eldar: Right? Right. And the heart of the truth, like totally sometimes gives you right when he gives it to you straight and raw and you really feel a certain type of way. But he doesn't really have a horse in a race. Right? The harder it is, it's, it should be the indicator for you that you, you probably are very attached to the outcomes that you've created in your mind.

[02:23:57] Eldar: There are probably illusions that are subjective and not rooted in objective truth. So to be honest, totally in that moment is being the best friend to you, despite the fact that he's your biggest enemy. And again, totally comes back to the paradox. 

[02:24:18] Speaker 9: He perceives you as the enemy, but you being the best friend for him.

[02:24:24] Speaker 9: And that's where the liberation of our suffering is understanding that part. And as soon as we understand that on the 

[02:24:32] Eldar: human level, we liberate ourselves from suffering. But that is a hard thing to do. Therefore, you're gonna continue to live out the wrong perceptions that you do have because of the attachments that you've placed on yourself.

[02:24:47] Tommy: Which luckily, and, you know, I'm not afraid to say it, but writing, you know, has helped me, but really push through this suffering and help me find joy. And I think this was a great 

[02:25:04] Eldar: talk. 

[02:25:04] Tommy: Mm-hmm. 

[02:25:06] Eldar: Thank you, Tom. Alright. Totally hit me with it. Yeah. Friendship. What the fuck do we say anything? 

[02:25:10] Toliy: Yeah. My, my, my only like, uh, like, and that I'm thinking about like, if, if like, um, in your friendships, if the word like challenge is not something that is like, something that like 

[02:25:23] Eldar: embraced 

[02:25:23] Toliy: No, no.

[02:25:24] Toliy: Like, it, like, it's not like, like one of the first things that come to mind. Mm-hmm. Like if that does, does not exist in your friendships if you don't find them challenging at times. Okay. Right. You're probably going nowhere with those friendships. 

[02:25:39] Speaker 10: Yeah. You know? Okay. 

[02:25:43] Toliy: Yeah. Like that, that, that's like the only thing you got.

[02:25:47] Tommy: Yeah. See, I think the, the, the great thing about friendship is, you know, maybe you, like for me, I bounce around between friends for a long time. I don't know if anybody else here was like that. Um, but I didn't have friends for very long and, and I was transient, you know, transient meaning things, a folder flexed for a very short time, a folder.

[02:26:09] Tommy: And this was the same jobs, this was the same for my school progress, uh, school, um, what's it called? Performance. Mm-hmm. Um, you know, this was the same for sobriety. This was the same for, you know, how well I could take advice and implement it. Um, so when you feel true friendship, you know it, and you actually embrace it, and you, um, you know, and it's sometimes it's got his rocky roads, like, and, and that's just what it is.

[02:26:39] Tommy: But, um, but, but yeah. Friendship is actually something I, I swear we really ended on this note last time we talked about this, but it's something to, something to, to preserve and to, to treasure. Uh, and to, to, to enjoy. Like, and really even like, take risks. I, I, I, I swear you remember I had the, uh, elder, I had the, uh, interview at Apple.

[02:27:05] Tommy: Yeah. And you were like, why don't you give him the good old Harris? Fuck you. Yeah. You know, I was like, I gave him the good old Harris, fuck you. What 

[02:27:12] Harris: I'm known for is the fuck you, 

[02:27:14] Tommy: you know? I did. Mm-hmm. I gave Apple the good old Harris fuck you. And we went to the, uh, told him, 

[02:27:18] Harris: fuck you. 

[02:27:19] Tommy: No. But I told him, look, I'm not, I'm not into this.

[02:27:22] Tommy: I'm not into this. And we went to the rock of mine the next day, you know, or, you know, or, or with the trips, like, I'm not, I'm like a poor guy on my own. I, I, I live in my parents' house. But do I push to like, to go on these vacations because it's gonna be rad. Yeah. I do. Like, because for me, that experience is fun and it's worth it.

[02:27:42] Tommy: Um, and it's, I think it can be, it can be really a teaching experience too. You know, like, have I got out, have I got through some shit as we were friend, uh, during our friendship? Yeah. I got through some debt, I got through some depression. I got through, um, you know, I got through college. I got through college Okay.

[02:28:03] Tommy: From start to finish for a two year degree. Yeah. And almo and I, I would swear, you know, like you can put, if they ca if I devised the test to say, do you deserve a bachelor's, I would pass that shit. 

[02:28:14] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[02:28:16] Tommy: Yeah. You know, I think that's true. I don't have a bachelor's. Okay. Maybe a little bit to my frustration, but these are, you know, that, that's, that's for me to deal with.

[02:28:28] Tommy: I don't know. Good. Yeah. Tom, thank you for that. Thank you for sharing that. Thanks, dude. And I, I don't wanna say, like, say this in a way that's superficial. I I really do. I, yeah. I'm thinking, I'm thinking, you know, um, when you gave you a superficial answer, you feel joy about something and you really feel a deep connection with something in, in you that brings you happiness.

[02:28:51] Tommy: Yeah. Share it. And like, sharing knowledge is like one of the, the first orders of business around here. Like, you know, that's how I feel. 

[02:28:59] Eldar: I think that when knowledge is gotten 

[02:29:01] Eldar: mm-hmm. 

[02:29:02] Eldar: Actual knowledge. Actual knowledge. Okay. Actual knowledge within the human being. Okay. Mm-hmm. It is impossible for it not to be shared.

[02:29:10] Eldar: That's it. That's impossible. Mike, can you leave us with the final thoughts on friendship and did you learn anything? Did we miss anything? Um, I know it was your topic, but you didn't say much. 

[02:29:22] Mike: Yeah, no. You guys went on a tangent and I didn't, you know what? I didn't even, I didn't get anything. 

[02:29:27] Harris: He, he didn't explain.

[02:29:29] Harris: Anything about how this came about? Thank you guys. Why am I a good friend? Yeah. Why am I a good friend? Why did that come about? Oh, 

[02:29:38] Tommy: yeah. Final thoughts? My, 

[02:29:39] Harris: I 

[02:29:39] Tommy: did actually 

[02:29:39] Harris: explain it. No, you barely explained it, dude. Okay. You just said, oh, uh, you know, I started thinking like, you know, Eldar called said, you know, oh, you're a good friend.

[02:29:49] Harris: But you didn't explain why you thought, am I a good friend if someone just told you mm-hmm. You're a good friend. 

[02:29:54] Mike: Well, because sometimes I feel like I might not be a good friend. Mm-hmm. That's why I brought it up. But I wanted to make, see if that was my own lack of like self-confidence or my over like, uh, judging myself or if it's the reality.

[02:30:09] Mike: But 

[02:30:09] Harris: why, why would you judge yourself? Who, who said to you, oh man, you're, you're a horrible friend, or something like that. 

[02:30:15] Mike: Nobody has, but I don't feel like I can, like, uh, I can rely on that. Like, I don't feel like, 

[02:30:20] Harris: all right, so when I come in, in the morning, right? Mm-hmm. And I sit down with you for an hour talking about all the things that are stressing me out.

[02:30:27] Mike: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

[02:30:28] Harris: That's not something a good friend would do. 

[02:30:30] Mike: Well, I'm not sure. Um, I can't ask that question. It depends how you feel. That's pretty 

[02:30:35] Harris: obvious, man. That Well, that's why I love a friend that's sits there for hour, two hours and listens and tries to help you solve a problem. Mm-hmm. That's a good friend, man.

[02:30:47] Mike: Maybe. Yeah. I don't know. That's why I had to ask it 'cause I wasn't sure. Sits on your bike. People 

[02:30:53] Harris: that aren't a good friend would just pick up and be like, yo, I gotta go, man. 

[02:30:56] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Well, no, I then you, the question would have to be like, are you doing it because it's because it's a natural thing to do because you are a good friend?

[02:31:04] Eldar: Or is it because you're thinking it's the right thing to do? I don't know. Right. I think those are two different things, right? 

[02:31:10] Harris: Yeah. So 

[02:31:11] Eldar: what are you feeling? Oh, what's the question? The question is like, are you doing it because it's, you feel like it's the right thing to do? Or is it just comes natural to you to listen to him?

[02:31:22] Eldar: Oh, it in that moment, it's natural. You know what I 

[02:31:25] Mike: mean? I mean, it's natural, but I also wanna help him if I can. Yeah. 

[02:31:29] Harris: See, that's all you gotta ask yourself. Why am I doing these things I'm doing, man? Mm-hmm. You just solved your own problem, man. Your own question. 

[02:31:41] Speaker 6: I'm not sure what's up with him, man. He's on thin ice, right?

[02:31:43] Speaker 6: No, man. He's good, man. He's on thin ice. Tell him, man, why? Because he's on thin ice, man. Why is he 

[02:31:50] Mike: on the ice? He's not even here. What do you mean? What's up with him? You guys haven't said anything. 

[02:31:56] Harris: That's kind of fucked up, man. 

[02:31:57] Harris: He's 

[02:31:57] Mike: on tin 

[02:31:57] Harris: ice. We've been trying out, 

[02:32:00] Harris: you guys were talking about something I 

[02:32:01] Mike: noticed with Mike.

[02:32:02] Mike: Tom was like talking for an hour about, so you forgot what everyone else said. I got lost in it. I'll, Tom took us on just a minute. 

[02:32:10] Tommy: He forgot what everyone else said, man. I heard what everybody said, but look, I, I see something, actually a connection between Mike and I that we're, that at least I see this in Mike.

[02:32:19] Tommy: Well, what is it? 

[02:32:19] Eldar: What you look, you have to ask him what is he looking for? He clearly, he said, you want a tangent for an hour? He wants a, you just ask him like, what are you looking for, Mike? Do you want I was trying my best. Do 

[02:32:29] Harris: you want clarification? You do you want all of us to stay on 1, 2, 3, that you're a good friend?

[02:32:33] Harris: No, I don't want that. Oh my God, you tried told me tonight. Fucking mental, 

[02:32:40] Eldar: everybody. What's wrong with you? Yeah. I'm just saying, man, Tom, you should ask him like, then what, what is it that you're looking for? Yeah. Whatcha are 

[02:32:48] Harris: you 

[02:32:48] Eldar: looking 

[02:32:48] Harris: for, man? I'll ask for Tom. Tom wants to know what you're looking for.

[02:32:50] Harris: Come on, I'm gonna losing my chain. Well, I think the, 

[02:32:54] Mike: like a judgment of being a good friend and if, if you feel like you friends or people who are around you agree with that, then is there a connection to that as you being a good person? Right. That's the question. And if that is, then why can't I rely upon that and feel like I can draw energy from that then?

[02:33:15] Mike: Okay. 

[02:33:16] Eldar: If that's the ca, if that's the case, then, then you're saying that there's a. There's a perceived variable that is in your friendship that makes you feel a certain type of way. Therefore, you act that way. And that's not actually who you are. 

[02:33:30] Mike: No, 

[02:33:30] Eldar: that's not, no, I don't have that problem. So what did you say?

[02:33:32] Mike: I don't have that problem with you. Yeah. I don't have that problem with Harris. Yeah. But I have that problem a lot with Tulley. Okay. Where I 

[02:33:40] Eldar: feel like that. But then these are still variables. 

[02:33:43] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[02:33:44] Eldar: The variables is me and to and Harris. 

[02:33:48] Mike: N no, it's not that. So what is it then? It's that I can't extend the same friendship to you, Uhhuh.

[02:33:54] Mike: I mean, I can't extend in the same friendship to Tolia. I can to you and Harris, but the, well, what's, but 

[02:34:00] Eldar: that's the variables. We are the variables. 

[02:34:02] Eldar: Uhhuh, 

[02:34:04] Eldar: okay. You, you're, the way you forming the argument is you're saying that it's Harris and Elder as the kicker. Why you can, can extend it. It's not Mike.

[02:34:14] Eldar: Yeah. That can extend it towards, well, well, because the way 

[02:34:16] Mike: I feel a lot of times, and I've mentioned this, is that I don't feel like Toby's being a good friend to me. Right. A lot of the time. Mm-hmm. So therefore I can't overcome my own thing and then be a good friend to him when I Facebook. Yeah. But the 

[02:34:26] Eldar: condition then becomes reliant on a external variable versus internal variable 

[02:34:30] Mike: Uhhuh.

[02:34:31] Mike: Okay. I guess so. Which is, 

[02:34:34] Eldar: which is now named external variables is 

[02:34:36] Mike: Ldar and Harris. Well, it's everybody. I don't have a problem with anybody really. Yeah. I don't have problem with anybody, but with Tolia I always have a problem. Okay. Well unless you, unless I'm missing 

[02:34:47] Eldar: something then a very, then, then that's a very specific case.

[02:34:49] Eldar: Yeah. Well then yes, you might be missing something. 

[02:34:51] Mike: Well, that's why I asked that question. Okay. What am I not understanding here? That I can't extend the same, which I, I think I do extend a good friendship to Totally. But I don't, I feel like maybe I'm not doing good enough job, or I'm expecting too much from him, or I actually don't know what, because.

[02:35:10] Mike: I don't treat you any different than I do treat, I mean, maybe I treat you different. I don't know. Maybe I don't treat him as a good, I don't, I'm not a good as friend to him to as I am to you. I don't know the answer to those questions. That's why I brought it 

[02:35:24] Speaker 10: up

[02:35:29] Speaker 10: because the, on 

[02:35:29] Mike: the only challenge person I have with like a ongoing challenge with this, with totally. Like I have little sure. Little moments with other people. 

[02:35:37] Eldar: Maybe the thing is I'm trying to find out the causality of behind what you're presenting mm-hmm. To get what you are receiving 

[02:35:45] Speaker 9: mm-hmm. Versus what you're not presenting and then you are receiving.

[02:35:52] Eldar: Right. Like, it's like I'm giving you something based on what my beliefs are. 

[02:35:59] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[02:36:00] Eldar: And do you have the choice in the matter in that moment to decide of what you, what is it that you're getting or perceiving and then you returning versus with totally who's giving you a very specific thing then too.

[02:36:12] Eldar: Mm-hmm. And you choosing between what you're give, giving back 

[02:36:17] Eldar: mm-hmm. 

[02:36:17] Eldar: In that moment. And I'm really not sure which one like overcomes the other, like mm-hmm. What I give versus what totally gives 

[02:36:27] Mike: no, my problem was, or presents my problem, I guess is that when totally talks to me 

[02:36:32] Speaker 9: Yeah. 

[02:36:32] Mike: He wants to hold me to a higher standard.

[02:36:35] Mike: Right. Okay. Right. 

[02:36:38] Eldar: Yeah. 

[02:36:38] Mike: And, 

[02:36:39] Eldar: but you not knowing to respond to it is showing that you, you are incompetence mm-hmm. In that relationship. Right. Therefore you don't get what you want in return, therefore you feel a certain type of way versus me. Mm-hmm.

[02:36:55] Eldar: The way I lead at least, or 

[02:36:56] Mike: the way I speak or whatever. 

[02:36:58] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[02:36:58] Mike: You get what 

[02:36:59] Eldar: you 

[02:36:59] Mike: want. Well, it's not even the way you speak or the way you lead, it's our relationship in general. Yeah. There's a mutual respect and I feel that. 

[02:37:07] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[02:37:08] Mike: I don't feel that. From to, I don't feel like that, that that thing, and I, I mean, I expressed this to you a long time ago.

[02:37:15] Mike: I know this, you know this, you know, we spoke about this before on occasions, you know, so I don't feel like I can't do that. Like I can't, I don't have it in me, I guess, to treat him better than I can at the moment. But I'm not happy about that because I'd like to learn how to like, I guess not be that way.

[02:37:36] Mike: Right. It's obviously not like a thing that I like to have on my resume as a human, you know, to treat people worse, because, but that's totally present a bigger challenge than me. 

[02:37:48] Eldar: Uh, inherently. Inherently, yes, but no. But what does that mean? 'cause like if I say let's just, I align with you more naturally with your belief systems and values.

[02:38:00] Eldar: Yeah. Closer than totally does. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Um, 

[02:38:05] Mike: but it's not the, it's not the challenge that I have a problem with. Oh. Then what is it that you, the challenge is the person is gonna be, he is gonna be with me shooting in the gym, and then he is gonna call the cops on me. That's the problem I have with a lot of times.

[02:38:20] Mike: The, what's up with you, man? You got your attention there. Yeah. Like, call 

[02:38:24] Harris: the cops. You talking about man, 

[02:38:27] Mike: you think, yeah. 

[02:38:29] Speaker 12: You're talking about this fucking guy. Yeah. You went out, man. 

[02:38:32] Mike: Uhhuh. That's the problem that I have. Yeah. It's like a lot of times with him, IF and again, this is like an ongoing thing.

[02:38:39] Mike: This happened for a long time. I feel like I get thrown under the bus and I always try to treat him with respect. I always try to be like, well, my understanding is a good friend. So then if I'm like, wait, if I'm being a friend to him, why? Why is he not being a good friend to me? There's only very, or perceiving it wrong that he's not being a good friend to me.

[02:38:56] Mike: Listen 

[02:38:57] Eldar: there, there's definitely. Instances or moments in, in our friendship with tole at least where like, I know there are certain compromised mm-hmm. Times when he was compromised where he was not able to uphold the friendship or the standard. Mm-hmm. 

[02:39:10] Eldar: Yeah. 

[02:39:11] Eldar: And I think when I pointed that out to him mm-hmm.

[02:39:14] Eldar: I did it right. Like I said, yo mm-hmm. The fuck are you doing? Right? The time that that stands out is like Danny, right. Like when Danny was talking shit. Mm-hmm. I mean No, no. When me and him were arguing about something. Yeah, yeah. Right. He went to Danny to back him up to, to get against get Danny against me.

[02:39:32] Eldar: Yeah. To like, yo, Danny, you see what he like, like, kind of like Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, like, yeah, I remember some, some, this is the op, this is like a, we know this is an op. You know what I mean? Or 

[02:39:41] Mike: the 

[02:39:41] Eldar: ref. Yes. 

[02:39:42] Mike: Remember like, yeah. I remember he went to get the call from the ref. 

[02:39:45] Eldar: He was willing to go to a place where I will not willing to go Yes.

[02:39:49] Eldar: To do this. You know what I mean? Like, oh, shit, you were on this stooped out low. Those, so those, some of the examples where I was like, yo. Mm-hmm. But I know that there's a compromised level that he can get to. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Yeah. I hold it against him, but I'm not holding it against him forever.

[02:40:04] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Right. Where it's like we're still friends and mm-hmm. Like, through, through, through moments and times of, of reflection and insight. Yeah. We will get to Yeah. Understand these things just like the neighbor thing, right? Mm-hmm. When he's waving mm-hmm. It hurts my fucking soul mm-hmm. That he's waving or looking to wave.

[02:40:19] Eldar: Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Where now I'm glad that he got to a point where he got to a point where these motherfuckers are bullying him mm-hmm. Directly. Yeah. And trying to fucking put bad shit on him. Mm-hmm. And I'm fighting for him. Yeah. Without him knowing that I'm fighting for him. Mm-hmm. You know, like, he's like, yo, yeah.

[02:40:34] Eldar: Like, why are you making a fuss about it? Mm-hmm. My, my man, like, I've been making a fuss about it because the truth of the, there's a fuss. Yeah. He hasn't seen the fuss. Now he saw the fuss. Yeah. Now if he waves. Mm-hmm. Like, yo, who are you? Mm-hmm. I'm gonna ask him. Mm-hmm. Are you crazy? Yeah. Like that thing is inside of him now.

[02:40:53] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I have that thing inside of me too. Yeah. That nasty thing about the neighbors, right? Yeah. So that we are on the same page. Mm-hmm. Right. So I think that's what, that's what it is. It's like sometimes mm-hmm. When not on the same page mm-hmm. With certain things. Mm-hmm. And you make it like you never bring it home.

[02:41:10] Eldar: I know how to bring it home. Oh, I don't 

[02:41:12] Mike: know. Yeah. Yeah. But the thing is because, um, uh, I don't know, this is like my theory. You always kept, you always ate it. I definitely always like, uh, yelled it for sure. Yeah. Because I know how confrontational. Yes. But another thing is I yelled at him with the Danny stuff, the crazy, the way he comes across to me.

[02:41:30] Mike: Yeah, yeah. Is like. He talks to me like we have an ongoing thing and he like, he ha like, we have that thing where the respect where I know he is not coming from a bad place. Mm-hmm. So he's talking to me like we have an existing thing, but we don't have like a thing that's like a strong bond mm-hmm. Where I could take it from him.

[02:41:48] Mike: Mm. And know that it's in my best interest. He's coming at me strong. Yeah. Right. Too strong. And it's too strong. And to me, I freeze up because I don't know how to deal with that. 

[02:41:56] Eldar: Yeah. 

[02:41:57] Mike: You know? Yeah. Yeah. So it's like he's, that's why I asked. So he's an oppressor that, that Yes. But that's why I asked. Yeah.

[02:42:03] Mike: Is there's levels to it? Is there like a baseline thing before you can get to this challenging thing? Mm-hmm. Because you guys talking about challenging. I'm like, yo, wait, fucking challenge. We have to have mutual respect. Yeah. Consideration, compassion. Yeah. You gotta know my story. Me and you have a story.

[02:42:16] Mike: Yeah. So when you tell me like, yo, you're a fucking moron. Yeah. I could take it from him because you know my story. Yeah. You fucking uh, pack my bag. You fucking, we had the whole thing. 

[02:42:24] Speaker 9: Yeah. 

[02:42:24] Mike: We'll go through it together. He's he's getting the information. Yeah. From you or from some other source. And then he wants to put the anvil down on my head.

[02:42:31] Eldar: Yeah. 

[02:42:31] Mike: But he didn't, he wasn't with me shooting in the gym, Harris. You understand? And 

[02:42:38] Eldar: that's, that's hard. Harris, wait, Harris, I think Harris is enjoying this way too much. We have to address this. Are you enjoying this? He's been 

[02:42:43] Toliy: a permanent turtle. Are you serious man? Are you serious man? 

[02:42:47] Eldar: What? You gonna fucking enjoy this beef?

[02:42:49] Eldar: What do you mean? Hey, salad. I don't even know he 

[02:42:51] Speaker 6: had a beef dude. Huh? What? 

[02:42:54] Harris: This has been ongoing thing is a known thing. Yeah. He hides it, dude. Huh? I didn't know he had beef with all I thought it was home. 

[02:43:00] Mike: Is there more tequila? 

[02:43:01] Speaker 10: I, of course. Yeah. 

[02:43:04] Mike: That's how in front of you. That's that's the thing. Totally.

[02:43:07] Mike: And, and the thing is we never built Yeah. That baseline. The foundation on onto how, like, you know, like to really get to know each other, right? Yeah. Well, I 

[02:43:18] Eldar: think that it's, it's not that it's his fault or your fault. No, it's nothing. It's both people's faults. A hundred percent. 

[02:43:22] Mike: Where I agree. 

[02:43:23] Eldar: Yeah. Where he did never got to know you better and you never got to him.

[02:43:27] Eldar: I 

[02:43:27] Mike: agree a hundred percent. Yeah. I agree with that. But I feel like he, 

[02:43:32] Eldar: yeah. 

[02:43:32] Mike: He wants to punish me. Yeah. Like, uh, yeah, with that I'm like, yo, wait, we didn't get to know each other. We don't have that relationship. Why are you hitting me? Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah. Why are you trying to fucking, why are you trying to fuck me up?

[02:43:46] Mike: Yeah. You know, like, yeah. And I am, I, I am definitely could be more, has something to say about this, yo man, why are you punishing my pops, man? Yeah. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. Harris, get 'em what's going on here? Send him back to G man. Yeah. What you got to say for yourself, man? Yeah, I know. To, 

[02:44:01] Toliy: to, to me it's like, like I can't know a lot of information like, about somebody.

[02:44:07] Toliy: Right. And then like, act as if I don't, but then like, like operate in like a different way. This is a very good point, but I feel like you understand this or no. Yeah. I feel like Mike underestimates, 

[02:44:17] Eldar: what's the point? The point is that like, you are criminal and he knows it and he can't, how, how does he know it?

[02:44:22] Eldar: Well, he knows it. How, what do evidence? I feel like he, he underestimates what evidence he under, you've been talking Uhhuh, you've been saying it, you've been confirming it. So he is like, Hey bro, you are a criminal. Yeah. You, you don't have this, you don't do this, you don't do that. Mm-hmm. So he is like, what's going on here?

[02:44:36] Eldar: Like, he's so, so he's holding it against you. Yeah. So he's asking like, Hey, how do I know this information? And not circle back into a, into a mm-hmm. Argument. Yeah. Or into like a challenge. Mm-hmm. Knowing the things that I know. Mm-hmm. That's a very good point. Mm-hmm. I think we're guilty. All of us are guilty of this.

[02:44:57] Eldar: Oh, I agree. We all guilty of this a thousand percent. Yeah. 

[02:45:00] Toliy: I, I feel like he, he like, like maybe he underestimates like how much I actually hold on on, 

[02:45:05] Eldar: and I'm gonna tell you right now, and I'm gonna bring this back. Mm-hmm. Why does Harris care what Jared perceives about him when we talk? Honestly, it's that thing.

[02:45:15] Eldar: He's trying to preserve his own image mm-hmm. In front of Jared. Yeah. Who's a quote unquote, a new, new person doesn't know mm-hmm. Who doesn't know him. Right? Yeah. So Harris has a chance mm-hmm. To build a particular rapport. Mm-hmm. A particular image for Jared that he's this fucking guy mm-hmm. That he's not.

[02:45:31] Eldar: Mm-hmm. You understand this. So he is like, you guys still say that. Don't say this. Yeah. He's trying to hide. Mm-hmm. We all do this. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It's what I was describing about the friendship thing. That's correct. We all do this organically. Sure. You know what I mean? Because I mean, we got our egos Yeah.

[02:45:48] Eldar: Our pride Sure. And all this other stuff. Yeah. I get that. But it is a good question, Mike. Answer that question. Try to answer that question, question like, look, I have all this evidence mm-hmm. Of a criminal activity. 

[02:45:59] Toliy: Mm-hmm. No, but it No, but it, it, it, it doesn't even even need to be tied back to that Exactly.

[02:46:03] Toliy: Like, oh, you've mentioned it. Yeah. Well, no, no, no. I'm saying that like, I think Mike underestimates, like how much I actually know about him and who he is Yeah. As a whole. Yeah. But I can't operate out of not knowing it. Of not knowing it. Mm-hmm. But then having like a relationship with that. Correct. Mm-hmm.

[02:46:20] Toliy: It's like, if you're like, uh, like, I mean, it, it, it, it's not even on the criminal side. It's on everything. No, it's everything. Yeah. Um, like, it's like if you get put in a room mm-hmm. 

[02:46:29] Eldar: And 

[02:46:29] Toliy: before you got in the room, they told you that yo the guy with the blue headphones, he killed 10 people. 

[02:46:35] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[02:46:35] Toliy: Right? And he has a knife on him.

[02:46:37] Toliy: Are you gonna like, like, are, are like, how are you gonna operate? Like, you're gonna be like, yo, we gotta fucking, yeah. We gotta be careful here. We gotta be careful here. Right? Yes. Mm-hmm. Right. And if I know this, that then like. I have to operate in a particular way. I can't give you a, um, like I can't compliment and just dap 'em up.

[02:46:52] Toliy: Right? Well, you can, but it's gonna be hard. Maybe I can, but it's harder. But I have to, but I know this. Mm-hmm. You have to be an actor. Yes. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Which, like, that, that's also why to me, it's like, um, the, like the philosophical understanding of letting people go through a particular process and not being blunt and honest with them, to me always felt like acting.

[02:47:13] Toliy: Mm-hmm. Right? So it was like, well, hey, wait, I'm supposed to like know, know, know something, feel something. Mm-hmm. Understand something. Mm-hmm. Not tell you it. 

[02:47:23] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[02:47:23] Toliy: And then continue life. Mm-hmm. In like a shared way. To me, it always felt like an inauthentic way. Mm-hmm. Which, which is why like, like when, when we talk spoke about friend friendship last time, I always felt that like, um, the best friend is the most un honest friend.

[02:47:41] Toliy: Like that. That's how I always Yeah. Perceived it. Right? Yeah. Sure. 'cause if you know this person's gonna be honest this with you, then you can count on them to mm-hmm. Tell, tell, tell it how it is, and you can count on them to not lie to you and not have like a, um, a horse in the race, in, in important choices that like, involve that person's life.

[02:48:01] Toliy: Right. However, 

[02:48:02] Eldar: yeah. However, I'm gonna tell you right now, caveat that he's not putting anything. Oh, I know the caveat. I think Okay. The fact that he's not recognizing that the attachment and the lessons from attachments are super important to play out in those things. Well yes. 

[02:48:17] Toliy: That, that, that is my new phenomenon Yes.

[02:48:19] Toliy: On trying to understand that and have that downloaded inside of me, but also not feel that's inauthentic. Yes. Right. Because to me, that's always the thing is that this feels wrong. Like if, like if it feels to a certain extent wrong, because I know something and I'm not saying some something, so, well, I don't feel wrong at all.

[02:48:37] Toliy: Yeah. No, I don't feel wrong at all. The value that, like if I 

[02:48:39] Eldar: see the person, it's super attached to a very specific thing. Mm-hmm. And they wanna play that out. Yeah. I'm riding with them. 

[02:48:45] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[02:48:46] Eldar: Because I know. The outcome is gonna be better. 

[02:48:49] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[02:48:50] Eldar: That, yeah. Through the lessons, right? Mm-hmm. It's, no, this 

[02:48:53] Mike: is the thing we've talked about for a very long time.

[02:48:55] Mike: Yeah. Don't, these were not asked. Correct. 

[02:48:57] Eldar: Yeah. 

[02:48:57] Mike: Correct. 

[02:48:58] Eldar: Yeah. We're totally right. Is trying to do the preventative care where I'm like, yeah, why do preventative care 

[02:49:04] Mike: if life is this way? And it's, well, that's the thing. That's the another thing that I, I, I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do. It's just a different approach.

[02:49:11] Mike: It's it's approach, but it's like, yeah. 

[02:49:13] Eldar: You should be smart enough. Mm-hmm. To know what to say to him and what to say to me. 

[02:49:17] Mike: Oh, yeah, I know that. I know that, but I know now you know that I, now I know that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But ultimately, I'd like to like, like, have a fucking friendship with him because I, I don't want to feel like any kind of bad feelings towards him.

[02:49:29] Mike: I have a friendship with him. Yeah. 

[02:49:30] Eldar: But trust me, I know that this person's very dangerous. Mm-hmm. He's a very sick person. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I know what I can rely on him on. Mm-hmm. And what I can't rely on him. Yeah. And that's it. Yeah. The truth of the matter is, it's, it's also we're synchronized on certain things Yeah.

[02:49:45] Eldar: And we're not synchronized on others. Yeah. And that's okay. I'm okay with that. Mm-hmm. As we, as we journey this thing called life together, I experienced this too. Absolutely. Well, Tom, you are very far away from all of 

[02:49:56] Tommy: this. No, no. I experienced that. I mean, I've experienced it for a long time, you know? Yeah.

[02:50:00] Tommy: Because to me, friendship was supposed to be like a label. 

[02:50:03] Eldar: Yeah. 

[02:50:04] Tommy: That, you know, like I said, I think friendship is a lot deeper than that. You feed a few fucking, yeah. You know, a few, there's a very factors into it, and then you run it to your, you can't 

[02:50:12] Eldar: disrespect the word friendship because a friendship is a, is a very specific dynamic, and it's a very, no matter how 

[02:50:17] Tommy: consistent you are, like friendship, like totally said, it relies on, you know, those people kind of responding to, to truth or something like that.

[02:50:26] Tommy: Okay. Or something. He was saying, you 

[02:50:27] Eldar: can't use Tony's words without knowing what you're saying. He's just copying. Well, she's not really sure what he's saying at all. He's 

[02:50:34] Toliy: speaking on a higher frequency that we don't understand. Yes. Okay. 

[02:50:37] Eldar: Yes. Thank you, Tom. I'm sorry. Sorry for not understanding you. One day we will.

[02:50:42] Eldar: Yeah. Yeah. 

[02:50:42] Toliy: What, 

[02:50:43] Tommy: what I'm saying is like you might bring 

[02:50:44] Eldar: Yeah. What I'm saying is Tom, mm-hmm. Is that every individual has very specific thresholds. Mm-hmm. Or like I said earlier mm-hmm. Is that we're friend. Mm-hmm. Up to a point. Yeah. Right. And what I'm saying to you is that, uh, your ability to tolerate this life, this world, these people, right?

[02:51:04] Eldar: Mm-hmm. And be on your best behavior mm-hmm. Is up to a point. Mm-hmm. And I think a good friend knows that point.

[02:51:14] Speaker 9: Can you repeat that? We are friends up 

[02:51:16] Eldar: to a point. Sure. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Um, my level of friendship might be your level of friendship to Harris. Mm-hmm. It's up to a point. Yeah. Okay. The way you can stretch it and what you can offer is a lot, let's just say in your perception is more than what Harris can offer you.

[02:51:35] Eldar: Mm-hmm. For example. Right. For now. Oh, sure. Sorry, Harris. I'm a dumb motherfucker. All right, cool. I see. That's fucking humble. Yeah. That's more than I can ask for. Um, therefore you have to know those things. Mm-hmm. And if you do know those things is there's never a happier or a sad moment is it's a moment of for what it is.

[02:51:56] Eldar: Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. If the person can surprise you and level up for that moment like he just did for now mm-hmm. Like right. By embracing his ignorance Yeah. Which Socrates always esteemed as the highest level mm-hmm. Of embracing his own ignorance. Right. Um, then you could be like, oh, wow, this is cool and I'm friends with him, you know what I mean?

[02:52:15] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Like I know that he can stretch this moment of friendship beyond mm-hmm. A little bit more. 

[02:52:21] Mike: Yeah. 

[02:52:22] Eldar: But you'd be damned to, to, to think that it'll al he'll always ride, you know what I'm saying? Like Yeah. Like, I don't ex like I was ready to punch Danny in the face for you. 

[02:52:31] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[02:52:32] Eldar: I, I'm not sure if you are ready to punch Danny in the face for me.

[02:52:35] Eldar: I'm not sure, because you're not a fighter or confrontational person. Mm-hmm. You know what I'm saying? You never, you've never, I've never seen you in that moment. 

[02:52:41] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[02:52:42] Eldar: You know what I mean? I fought with Serge. Serge is a confrontational person. Yeah. Serge expects me to punch somebody in the face for him.

[02:52:48] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Yeah. 'cause he's a fucking fighter. Yeah. He's ready to get down. Mm-hmm. I have that in me. I'll fight back. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? I'm not sure if you, 'cause we've never been Yeah. Whenever, you know what I'm saying? But I know I'll punch Danny in his face. I'll punch Chad in his face. Mm-hmm. I'll punch your neighbor in his face.

[02:53:03] Eldar: Mm-hmm. For totally. Mm-hmm. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. 

[02:53:05] Eldar: But 

[02:53:06] Eldar: I can't expect the same thing from you guys. 'cause I don't know. Mm-hmm. Maybe you'll have it in you mm-hmm. But maybe you don't. Mm-hmm. Which is okay. It's a normal phenomenon, you know what I mean? Not necessarily glorifying that punching somebody in the face is a good thing.

[02:53:18] Eldar: Yeah. You know what I mean? I think sometimes calling the cops is the right thing to do. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Yeah. But expecting the unexpected is wrong by being a bad friend. That's a, being a bad friend. Mm-hmm. Expecting the unexpected mm-hmm. From a friend is being a bad friend. It's a paradoxical thing.

[02:53:37] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[02:53:39] Eldar: And if you're expecting what to expect, you never get, you always get what you're supposed to, so you always win. 

[02:53:45] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[02:53:45] Eldar: Right. So in your case with to, if you know to mm-hmm. You know what to expect from him, you know how to move. Sure. So if he's bringing out the fact that like, you have to move a certain type of way good.

[02:53:57] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Don't move that way. No, I agree. And you know what you can get from him. Percent. Just like I, I know how to move with him Yeah. To get, but today we got into the argument. Mm-hmm. It's like I know what he wants. Mm-hmm. But he also not thinking of me or what I want. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Like sure.

[02:54:13] Eldar: I want to grow. Mm-hmm. And I don't want to kill shit. But the, the things that he's bringing to me, like the examples and stuff. Mm-hmm. It's not me. I can't do that. Mm-hmm. Even though he might be esteeming it, I'm like, bro, like, well, no, I'm not esteeming it first off. Well, to bring that as an example 

[02:54:29] Toliy: is to esteem it.

[02:54:30] Toliy: No, no. First, first off I, um, to bring it all the way back before I even ask you of any of this. Yeah. Um. Um, I pretense that hey would like, like if the, if you find this fun, would you want to do it? And then that's not fun. What 

[02:54:47] Eldar: I told you, that's not fun. 

[02:54:48] Toliy: No, no, for sure. No, I'm saying before this conversation today.

[02:54:51] Toliy: Okay. I pretense you. Hey, would you wanna write these posts if you find them fun? Because I, I, I knew going into it. Yeah. But you obviously would have to find that fund in order to do it. Yeah. And, and obviously do a, do a good job also. Yeah. Um, um, at it, I know that you're not gonna wanna do it regardless.

[02:55:06] Toliy: It's, but, but, but the thing is like, is that the 

[02:55:08] Eldar: way we operate is very subjective. Right? At least for us, what fun is and what good job is, right? Like, good job with the world might find good job, like their interactions and things. Like, to me it's corny as fuck, like the comments. Yeah. No, 

[02:55:22] Toliy: but, but do, do you not agree that I told you like, Hey, this is what, this is what's happening.

[02:55:27] Toliy: But I always told you that. Hey, like they're, I I Yes you did. I told you first off, I said, yo, they're corny. They're not creative at all. They're corny and people find corny shit, not creative. Did I not say this? 

[02:55:36] Eldar: Yeah. 

[02:55:36] Toliy: Yeah. But that's how I'm, I I under like, in world, I don't like that shit. 

[02:55:40] Eldar: That world. In that world we will be misunderstood.

[02:55:43] Eldar: Yeah. I mean, in that world we'll be mis misunderstood. I'm okay with that. You know what I'm saying? Like, we will not get the same responses. You know what I mean? Like, we polarizing. Yeah. We will be polarizing. I want to be polarizing. I told you I want to be bad. Yeah. Because I am bad. Yeah. To the world. I am bad.

[02:56:01] Eldar: Yeah. And there's some people that are bad 

[02:56:03] Toliy: too. Okay, cool. Like, great. But those things that I saw was not bad for me. No, for sure. But I I I, I went into them telling you that like, hey, the most non-creative shit people find creative because the bar is very low. The bar is low, right? Yeah. Uh, like, like, so like, I, I like I wasn't coming to a play showing you like I was esteeming them.

[02:56:21] Toliy: I was just showing you. Yeah. My, my, my, my main point, point was to show you examples and the length of them, because I find that, I found that when I saw the length of some of these. I found it very surprising. Like, Hey, the, it's that long. This is crazy long. Yeah. This is not a post. Yeah, this is like an article.

[02:56:35] Toliy: Yeah. Right now I'm called a post, but then I understood why they do it. 

[02:56:38] Eldar: Actually, the thing is, when you told me that they were long, I actually, I actually thought that they were much longer than what you showed me. I thought they were going to be four to five times x longer than what I read. 

[02:56:46] Toliy: Oh, really?

[02:56:47] Eldar: Okay. That was my perception of it. 

[02:56:49] Toliy: Yeah. No, like, to me, a post is like, like, this has to be like a 30 seconds or less read. 

[02:56:53] Eldar: This is an example of that two people who are friends are not friends in this specific area, and which is okay because we're trying to figure out what that area might be. He's, he's visualizing something very specific and I'm visualizing very, something very specific to find the middle ground and come to the conclusion that like, this looks good.

[02:57:14] Eldar: That's gonna take some time. You know what I mean? And that's, that's what it is. Yeah. With Tom, right? Tom, I'm sorry, I'm not sorry. 

[02:57:24] Speaker 10: We know what to expect. The nonsense 

[02:57:29] Eldar: that sometimes he'll have pockets of freedom where we can challenge him and that's awesome. You know what I mean? And like, he surprises us with the shit that he comes up with.

[02:57:37] Eldar: You know what I mean? Sometimes, but the truth of the matter is we're not synchronized 

[02:57:42] Speaker 10: and friendship. I'm not sure if it, it's existent, bro, 

[02:57:48] Eldar: because a lot of times friendship is actually tested during the moments of where I'm like, yo, I gotta, I, I need you to hold me down and you're not really there for me.

[02:57:57] Eldar: Right. You hold me down. You held me down. My own wife didn't hold me down. She's supposed to love me friendship. She's, to this day, she just cries about it. She's like, babe, I can't believe it. I did that. You know what I'm saying? Like, all these times, I'm, I'm, I'm being held down by you. You hold me down. You like promote the best of me, and you push me and you do this.

[02:58:16] Eldar: You know what I mean? Like, accept me and the one time you fucking fell, I couldn't be your rock. Like, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. What are we talking about? I was ready 

[02:58:25] Speaker 10: to finish that. I was done, you know? So what the fuck is friendship? Yeah.

[02:58:35] Speaker 10: To to objectively agree with one another 

[02:58:39] Eldar: on all things the matter of life. It is extremely difficult. Sure. So what it is that you experienced with Toi or what I experienced with Tommy or Harris when he called me a dick, oh, you a fucking dick. You don't mean that. He means that I, he just can't control himself.

[02:58:56] Eldar: What do you mean, bro? I meant that sit down and keep quiet over there. I fuck you all this motherfucker. Fuck man, and fuck 

[02:59:03] Speaker 11: you man. See, that's a jolly fuck you. I fuck 

[02:59:06] Eldar: you, man. Fuck you, fuck you, man. You know what I mean? But, 

[02:59:09] Harris: but you see that like Yeah, in the moment I was disappointed 

[02:59:12] Harris: and frustrated and I 

[02:59:14] Eldar: Yeah.

[02:59:14] Eldar: Said something. Exactly. That's fucked up that in that moment that tells me that you don't know who I am, what I'm about, and what I'm trying to do. Well, no, I know 

[02:59:21] Harris: what we went there for. You were under the, the impression 

[02:59:23] Eldar: that I am trying to hurt you. No, I'm trying to hurt your ego at all times. Remember that?

[02:59:28] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Okay. I'm trying to hurt your ego at all times. That is why those fucking Buddhist monasteries have those fucking crazy images of those fucking Buddhist when I was like, yo, what the fuck? They look so ugly. And then they explained it to me like, yo, 'cause they're the motherfuckers that try to fuck your ego up.

[02:59:47] Eldar: And I was like, oh, shit. That's how they look in that moment. I supposed to look crazy to you, bro, 

[02:59:53] Speaker 10: because I don't like you and that's okay. 'cause you don't like me. It's just I 

[03:00:00] Eldar: have the balls, small enough balls. Okay. Your balls didn't even drop to tell you that to your face. And tell that to his neighbor that, I don't like you.

[03:00:10] Eldar: I don't like your behavior. Mm. What the fuck you gonna do about it? You want to kill me for it? Go ahead. No. What the hell 

[03:00:16] Harris: me wrong with you, bro? I'm ready to die for it. What's wrong 

[03:00:18] Eldar: with you, man? I'm giving you an example, man. What do you mean, bro? Oh, okay. Now you're calling me a dickhead. Next thing you know, you're bringing a knife to fucking, what's wrong with you?

[03:00:27] Eldar: Whoa, whoa, 

[03:00:27] Speaker 9: whoa. 

[03:00:29] Harris: Fine. I fucking love you guys, man. All right. Don't, 

[03:00:35] Eldar: we're going to Bermuda, guys, all of us. No. Including you talking. You're not gonna fuck man. If you have to suck. Dick the fucking go there. Yeah. I expect you to be there. Hold 

[03:00:43] Toliy: up. I think 

[03:00:45] Harris: Crispy might be one of his first customers. Right?

[03:00:51] Harris: That's 

[03:00:51] Speaker 6: a good one. 

[03:00:52] Tommy: You know what I told myself today, if Crispy's going like, I have to be there. Yes. 

[03:00:57] Harris: This is, that's this trip might be fucking wild. This trip is gonna be wild. So, yo, Mike got a taste of what he was like. Uh, last night. We're taking buses, we taking ferries. I 

[03:01:07] Tommy: might have to pull on the line of credit again if that that's possible.

[03:01:10] Tommy: Didn't tell. 

[03:01:11] Harris: No problem, bro. We always have a line of credit. We're taking what? Forget about it, 

[03:01:15] Speaker 9: man. 

[03:01:15] Harris: We're taking buses and ferries. Yes. We making an adventure. Mm-hmm. What is wrong? What do you mean? Why are we taking a ferry? Because we can in Bermuda, what 

[03:01:25] Harris: the hell course the hell are we taking a 

[03:01:26] Eldar: ferry for?

[03:01:26] Eldar: Because the, the damn thing is an island. So we could take a ferry everywhere. We would go to the 

[03:01:31] Harris: city and shit to party and hang out. Yeah. But wouldn't it take longer on the ferry than excited? I am, of course. Good. Good. So, 

[03:01:41] Eldar: so Mike, have we said anything now? 

[03:01:43] Mike: Well, a little bit. Yeah. But Oh, 

[03:01:45] Speaker 9: a little 

[03:01:45] Eldar: bit. What the 

[03:01:46] Mike: fuck?

[03:01:47] Mike: Yeah. We have a disagreement. His, his approach and my approach is completely different. Right. So I'm like, uh, I really don't 

[03:01:53] Eldar: think it's a disagreement, Mike. 

[03:01:54] Mike: It is how I can tell you. Okay. He oppresses me. Oh. The way, the way he comes across to me. Yeah. And I sit quietly, right? Yeah. But it's your problem or his problem.

[03:02:05] Mike: No, it's definitely my problem. That's why I said it's my problem. I didn't, I'm not blaming him. Okay. You know? Okay. Um, I have plenty of problems that could bring to him. Okay. That I'm like, bro, what the fuck? Yeah. You know? Yeah. Like, what the fuck is going on here, bro? Yeah. Like he want to, he wants to smoke.

[03:02:19] Mike: He wants me to tell him every time, like, yo, yeah, you didn't do this, you didn't do that. Yeah. You late on this, you late on that. Yeah. Where's the respect here? Where's the respect there? Like, yeah, I don't wanna play that game. It's a retarded game, bro. Yeah. But he acts like he want, he says he wants that.

[03:02:31] Mike: Yeah. He wants to be challenged. Yeah. But the problem is he is gonna open his mouth. Yeah. And I'm gonna quiet down. Why? Because he yells louder than me. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And that's all it is. And like, I like, it's like, uh, I'm, it's like a bullying thing, you know? Just because he opens his mouth bigger than me.

[03:02:47] Mike: Does that make him right? Definitely not. Or just because I can't stand out for myself. Yeah. He picks on me like, just call that oppresses me. You know? Yeah. And that's how I feel. You know, Harris, I think Harris's, Stargate is closing at this point. You know? He's shut off. I'm trying to do the right thing by like, you know, not teach when not asked.

[03:03:05] Mike: And uh, you know, and I'm not, I'm not getting involved in shit. Yeah. But a lot 

[03:03:11] Eldar: of times I think that if you have the ability to challenge back, you should. And that you've known to be the person not to challenge. 

[03:03:19] Mike: No, but I can't even, there's nothing like even a challenge here. It's not, we're not even having conversations.

[03:03:27] Mike: Tyra, say something. Please. You know, 

[03:03:31] Harris: listen. All right. Listen. The way I look at it, right?

[03:03:39] Harris: We're one, I don't wanna say anything weird, but we're one family here. Gay family. No, we're family. I'm okay with being gay for tonight. What is following? We're we're family. Yeah. Okay. Do we call each other dicks? Absolutely. Do we argue in the office over fucking LinkedIn? Absolutely. Yeah. You know? Yeah. All right.

[03:04:02] Harris: End. But that doesn't mean that we don't love each other. Yeah, exactly, man. Yeah. At the end of the day, bro, he cares for you. 

[03:04:10] Speaker 10: Okay.

[03:04:15] Speaker 10: If you have a problem, bring it up to him. But it's not always that simple. Harris, she say you're simple, then

[03:04:27] Speaker 10: pops just, you're trying to tell him to calm down. 

[03:04:31] Eldar: Practice. Practice. Like he's your dad. He's your dad. Huh? Practice like he's your dad. So you can talk back to him. Finally. Go ahead. I'll take it. You need to confront 

[03:04:40] Harris: the issues you have on the inside. All right. 

[03:04:43] Eldar: Yeah. 

[03:04:44] Harris: I'm trying, man. I'm speaking up. He's trying.

[03:04:45] Eldar: He's trying. Yeah, he is speaking up. Yeah. 

[03:04:47] Harris: Yeah. You know, it's time you, uh, confront this. Uh, no, but he 

[03:04:53] Eldar: also understands it's a paradoxical thing because he also understands that he needs to change in order to get the proper responses. Right. You understand that right, Mike? I'm like, you keep on the Yeah, yeah.

[03:05:05] Eldar: No, you have to be more empowered to understand each individual, and I think that that's what we need to do. Just, no, I think I'm learning that. Yeah. I 

[03:05:12] Mike: mean, over time I'm working that on that and I'm learning that, but, but I'm explaining to you what's going on in the background. Where in these kind of situations come around.

[03:05:20] Speaker 9: Yeah. 

[03:05:20] Mike: Yeah. I'm like, wait, I'm naturally, I'm not trying to be a good friend to Totally. Or anybody. Yeah. I'm just doing what's natural to me, which is to be a good, like, to, to, to help people, to be helpful, to be kind, compassionate, whatever. Yeah. Is the situation. Yeah. Called for to my understanding. You're, and 

[03:05:36] Eldar: that's a good thing.

[03:05:37] Mike: Whatever the situation calls for, I try to, I'm not saying always do it. Yeah. You know, but then when I'm not met with the opposite, what I'm met with, not the same. I'm like, wait. Like, this is like a, feels to me like a violation, but then you, then you're doing God's work. Well, I'm not doing God's work, bro.

[03:05:52] Mike: Well, why? I'm not because I'm, you're doing the Jesus work. Right. I'm not, I'm not sure. Turning outta the cheek then, like, I'm not sure if I'm doing that. Why not? He doesn't wanna be, he doesn't be 

[03:06:01] Harris: compared to that man. Why? 

[03:06:03] Mike: If you are doing the right thing, because I'm not sure if you're doing the right thing, but the thing is, if it's, but how is that possible?

[03:06:09] Mike: If I'm doing the right thing? Yeah. How could the wrong thing be coming back to me? Is that logical? Yeah, 

[03:06:14] Eldar: it is logical. Because it takes time. There's light, light, there's, there's a lag between mm-hmm. Understanding what's actually right. So at first, right. If totally confronts his neighbor and says, yeah, look, um, why is your son on my doorstep, on my, I mean on my garage thing.

[03:06:34] Eldar: Mm-hmm. And the ball is hitting my garage. 

[03:06:37] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:06:38] Eldar: Based on everything that I'm seeing or observing, it seems like it's almost being done on purpose. Mm-hmm. Yeah. 

[03:06:42] Speaker 10: And have evidence for that. Mm-hmm. You know what I'm saying? Like,

[03:06:50] Speaker 10: sorry, prospect. 

[03:06:53] Speaker 9: Alright, well in that case, listen, you're working hard after hours. Yeah. Oh, are you serious? You know, like, what I trying to say? Fucking put the 

[03:07:02] Speaker 10: fucking mic 

[03:07:02] Eldar: on. You broke my fucking thought again. 

[03:07:06] Harris: I didn't break your thought, man. You just didn't wanna keep talking while I looked at something.

[03:07:10] Harris: Man. Fine, fine. 

[03:07:13] Tommy: You gotta take one shot from Harris, right? Once in, once in a while. Yeah. One, 

[03:07:18] Speaker 10: one shot Trevor shot. That is 

[03:07:21] Eldar: mm-hmm. 

[03:07:22] Speaker 10: One shot. One 

[03:07:23] Mike: moment. So what were we saying, Mike? Remind me so I can finish my thought. You said that I'm Jesus. Yeah. I'm doing the, and remember doing 

[03:07:32] Harris: the right thing, but I feel like Jesus was doing the right thing, but he was still crucified.

[03:07:37] Harris: Whoa, 

[03:07:37] Eldar: whoa. No, no. There's a lag behind what's going on. Yeah. There's a lag. Mm-hmm. I think there's a lag be be before the understanding happens. It's like, oh shit, we crucified fucking Jesus. What the fuck is wrong? Right. Yeah. But the thing is like, and I think that because everybody on a different spectrum, realizing what the fuck they do.

[03:07:53] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Some people will realize, like, Jesus, you are dickhead. We did a bad thing. Okay. They realized, but a bunch of them still didn't realize that let's throw a rock at him. Alright. We threw a rock at him. Oh. Speaking to the mic? Oh, yeah. Like, we threw a rock at him. 

[03:08:07] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:08:08] Eldar: We realized that, oh, that's bad.

[03:08:10] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:08:10] Eldar: Okay. Now we punched him in the face, he's bleeding. 

[03:08:12] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Oh, 

[03:08:12] Eldar: that's a bad thing. So certain individuals realize that, like that's a bad thing. 

[03:08:15] Eldar: Mm-hmm. And 

[03:08:16] Eldar: then we're, we need to crucify him, you know? 

[03:08:18] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:08:19] Eldar: And then other people are like, we gotta kill him. So I think that there's levels to it, to realizing for all individuals to understand like what's right and what's wrong.

[03:08:28] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:08:29] Eldar: And sometimes it, you know, obviously it happens, certain tragedy happens in order mm-hmm. For people to understand. Mm-hmm. There's, there's lag because every individual 

[03:08:38] Eldar: mm-hmm. 

[03:08:41] Eldar: Perceive different things. One individual perceives me saying, fuck you, Mike. Mm-hmm. As bad. And they're like, yo, that's, that was mean.

[03:08:48] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:08:49] Eldar: Some people don't, Mike. Mm-hmm. That was perfectly fine. Right? Yeah. Like Harris's family just say like, yeah, maybe they talk this way, it's okay. 

[03:08:55] Mike: Yeah. 

[03:08:55] Eldar: Of course. Another individual, if I throw a rock at you mm-hmm. They're like, yo, what the fuck? 

[03:09:00] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:09:00] Eldar: What's wrong with this guy? Like, mm-hmm. Okay.

[03:09:02] Eldar: That's perceived as bad. 

[03:09:03] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:09:04] Eldar: Other people are like, yo, that's perfectly fine. Yeah. Like, that's not even that bad. You just did a rock at him. Next thing I know, I punch you in the face or slap you in the face. Mm-hmm. And they're like, they perceive that as bad. Mm-hmm. I think there's levels to humans mm-hmm.

[03:09:15] Eldar: To understanding what's bad and what's wrong. Yeah. And there's a lag mm-hmm. 

[03:09:19] Mike: There. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, of wrong action. Yeah. Also, like this thing, the way it ties into is like, for a very long time Yeah. I was a bad person and I was doing the wrong things. Right? Yeah. So in my, in my head, right. Yeah. You didn't know any better.

[03:09:33] Mike: Well, no, that's not what I'm going for, but okay, I'm going for like, I, and now I'm trying to draw confidence from doing the right thing. Right? Yeah. But then I have a person who I consider a friend. 

[03:09:44] Speaker 9: Yeah. 

[03:09:44] Mike: Which I'm doing the right thing towards him. 

[03:09:46] Speaker 9: Yeah. 

[03:09:46] Mike: But in the return, I feel like it's, it's not like reciprocated and that because I have that lack of self-esteem, self-confidence, because where I came from 

[03:09:56] Eldar: Yeah.

[03:09:57] Mike: I can't draw the energy mm-hmm. To say like, oh, oh, I am a good person. I could be a good like a guy for a relationship. I have these good qualities. Mm-hmm. Because in certain relationships I have. Yeah, totally. For example, um, probably most like, uh, you know, difficult one for me. Yeah. I'm being told like, no, you are actually a piece of shit, bro.

[03:10:16] Mike: Mm-hmm. You know, and I'm like, wait, am I a piece of shit? So it's like coming from where 

[03:10:21] Eldar: I came from, but maybe his standards is a little bit higher than anyone else. Like I just said, like mm-hmm. There's progress to it, right? Mm-hmm. Some people need to see Jesus die in order to believe in him. 

[03:10:33] Mike: Okay, so I need to die.

[03:10:34] Mike: Maybe 

[03:10:35] Harris: you, you need to be gutted like a pig Murphy go, oh shit. 

[03:10:40] Eldar: No, I'm not saying that. Yeah. I'm just saying that there's levels to it, right? Mm-hmm. That Jesus is Jesus regardless, right? Mm-hmm. Whether or not he was taunted by words 

[03:10:50] Eldar: mm-hmm. 

[03:10:51] Eldar: Thrown stones at mm-hmm. Or killed. Mm-hmm. Jesus was still Jesus.

[03:10:56] Eldar: Mm-hmm. For some people, it was enough of them to offend them with words. 

[03:11:00] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:11:00] Eldar: But for some people, he needed to die. In order to have a period 

[03:11:05] Eldar: mm-hmm. 

[03:11:06] Eldar: Placed, I don't understand. What do you mean by that? What I'm saying is that like, even though you might be perceived by totally mm-hmm. A very specific way mm-hmm.

[03:11:15] Eldar: Does not necessarily mean you'll be perceived by the world the whole way. So, but the thing is you're drawing confidence. Yeah. So what you're trying to say is like, yo, I'm trying to draw confidence here. Right. I don't think that drawing confidence should be the bar of toll's. In order to draw your confidence, you could still be yourself mm-hmm.

[03:11:30] Eldar: And who you are. Yeah. Despite of what totally perceives you to be. No, but the thing is 

[03:11:33] Mike: where I'm coming from. 

[03:11:34] Eldar: Right. And to make the transition, unless 

[03:11:36] Mike: toy's. 

[03:11:36] Eldar: Right. Unless toy's, right. Mm-hmm. Then mm-hmm. We have a different conversation. 

[03:11:43] Mike: Alright. The thing is, it's from where it came from. Yeah. It's very hard to make the transition now.

[03:11:50] Mike: Okay. You know, that's, and the thing is, you rightfully salt, you know? Well, yeah. I'm not saying that it's not deserved. You made your bed, you eat it, you, you laying it. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. For sure. 

[03:11:58] Eldar: And, and it's gonna be a period of time that you do. Mm-hmm. Yeah. For 

[03:12:01] Mike: sure. 

[03:12:02] Eldar: I agree with that. Until you wash yourself clean.

[03:12:03] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. He might have an argument that you're not clean. I mean, if he's justified in his argument, then there's a reasons why you have feelings that you do. If he's not, 

[03:12:16] Mike: I 

[03:12:17] Eldar: don't know. The thing is you have to disregard the thing is, uh, 

[03:12:19] Mike: yeah. I don't know his argument. Well then you have to find out.

[03:12:23] Mike: Yeah. Which I'm willing to hear if he, you know, I want, I want to hear, that's why I raised the question. Yeah. You know, and maybe I am not a good friend. Maybe I think I've been a good friend to people, but it turns out actually a piece of shit friend to everybody. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Maybe except you. 'cause you, you say that I'm always a good friend, you know, but you've been a good friend.

[03:12:40] Mike: But 

[03:12:41] Eldar: I mean, like, there's moments where I can say that you weren't good friend. Oh yeah. I know. But this doesn't define our fucking, uh, totality of our relationship, Mike. Sure, sure. But I think there's a small glimpse it to, uh, he called me a dickhead. Yeah. The, I mean, a dick the other day. Mm-hmm. 

[03:12:54] Eldar: Yeah. 

[03:12:54] Eldar: This doesn't mean that I, I, I generally think that he thinks that I'm a dick.

[03:12:57] Eldar: Mm-hmm. I don't think that, 

[03:12:59] Eldar: yeah. 

[03:13:00] Eldar: It'll be unfair. 

[03:13:01] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:13:02] Mike: Yeah. You know what 

[03:13:03] Eldar: I'm saying?

[03:13:07] Mike: Yeah. I do feel like he totally doesn't believe that there's any progression or any progression that I've improved. Yeah. Or significantly. So that's why Yeah. And the way he comes across is very strong. Yeah. You know, and to me, I guess maybe it's from like a, a bullying thing or you know, like, uh, something like that where when somebody comes at me like that with like a super, like aggressive or very thing, I always like curl up, kind of like, you know, quiet.

[03:13:37] Mike: I get quiet typically. Yeah. Because that's my natural response. Yeah. Because for a long time I was a criminal. I had to shut up, you know? 

[03:13:44] Speaker 9: Yeah, 

[03:13:44] Mike: yeah. And, and maybe like other things too that have it in my life, right? Yeah. So that's like a trauma response to me for sure. You know? For sure. So then I'm like, wait, maybe he's right.

[03:13:56] Mike: Maybe I'm a piece of shit. Maybe you're wrong. You know the thing I'm wrong. I dont know if 

[03:14:00] Eldar: you have a trauma response mm-hmm. That allows you to go straight into like, oh shit, I might, may be a piece of shit. And you start doubting yourself, then what'd you learn? 

[03:14:09] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:14:10] Eldar: If you can't stand on your actions mm-hmm.

[03:14:13] Eldar: Because your actions 

[03:14:14] Mike: should speak louder than your words. No, but the thing is, my actions are my actions, and then if the person means me with the opposite, I'm like, wait, who gives a fuck? Well, again, I'm not like a, a men, like a healthy person. Well, I'm coming from a place where it's is not healthy. Your actions should, should define healthy, your ongoing actions should healthy.

[03:14:33] Mike: I agree. I agree. But should define what's healthy. But those things need to be like now mapped out the thinking that I had before. Yeah. Now they're new thinking the right thing. It needs to be mapped out. 

[03:14:42] Eldar: Yeah. 

[03:14:43] Mike: To like say, oh, for sure. Okay. You can't rely on 

[03:14:45] Eldar: one individual. Right. Like you said, like it's only one individual that's mm-hmm.

[03:14:49] Eldar: That's like challenging me in this way. Mm-hmm. To define who you are. 

[03:14:52] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:14:54] Eldar: You should be able to define who you are, yourself. 

[03:14:56] Mike: Mm-hmm. Well, I think that's the thing I'm struggling with. Fine. 

[03:15:01] Eldar: Rightfully so, everybody is mm-hmm. I think everybody is in their own realm. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? He has to confront his neighbor.

[03:15:08] Eldar: Mm-hmm. He has to break through into their life. He's very specific way with us. Mm-hmm. He, he's able to have reason. Mm-hmm. He's able to show logic mm-hmm. And like make his case. Mm-hmm. And so a lot of times we can't say anything against because he's right. Mm-hmm. Rightfully so. Absolutely. Yeah. Go say that to the neighbor.

[03:15:26] Eldar: Mm-hmm. You're right. Mm-hmm. Go say that to the neighbor. Mm-hmm. You punk. Yeah. You pussy. Mm-hmm. That's how I feel. 

[03:15:33] Eldar: Yeah. That's 

[03:15:33] Eldar: how Harris feels. Mm-hmm. Go say something, you pussy say it to his face. Mm-hmm. Now what the fuck. Mm-hmm. Put your fucking flag down. Mm-hmm. Stand on your shit. Yeah. Otherwise, what are we talking about?

[03:15:47] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[03:15:47] Eldar: Right. Same thing here. Mm-hmm. Same thing there. 

[03:15:50] Speaker 10: Yeah. 

[03:15:51] Eldar: Same thing with the girls. Mm-hmm. Same thing with Yale. Same thing with sales. Mm-hmm. Whatever fucking reasons we have. Mm-hmm. Right? Mm-hmm. Talks all this shit and then we get on the basic sales calls with Harris, he shuts his pants. 

[03:16:07] Tommy: Not so different from what happened to me.

[03:16:09] Eldar: Same shit. Mm-hmm. Right? Yeah. So at the end of the day, we don't believe in ourselves. Well, yeah. Yeah. We don't believe in the fact that like, we're human beings. We flawed, we have this, but we have a fucking thing where we can reason we can use our logic mm-hmm. To do the right thing. To own the right thing.

[03:16:26] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:16:27] Eldar: And stand on it. And the thing is, we have to die on it. 

[03:16:30] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:16:30] Eldar: Physically and, and metaphysically. Mm-hmm. We have to be able to die on it. 

[03:16:35] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:16:36] Eldar: Socrates die on it. 

[03:16:37] Eldar: Yeah. 

[03:16:40] Eldar: Let the neighbor kill him. 

[03:16:41] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:16:41] Eldar: Let him jump over that hump. 

[03:16:43] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:16:44] Eldar: Kill me. Mm-hmm. I'm ready to die for it. 

[03:16:46] Speaker 9: Yeah. 

[03:16:47] Eldar: What are we talking about here?

[03:16:49] Eldar: You are sick. Your son is sick. Mm-hmm. And your wife is sick. Mm-hmm. 

[03:16:53] Speaker 9: Say something. Mm-hmm. 

[03:16:56] Harris: They 

[03:16:56] Speaker 12: have the woke. My virus, 

[03:16:57] Harris: man. 

[03:16:58] Eldar: Thank you. I'm ready to die on it. If you're not ready to die on it, then what are you standing on? Mm-hmm. I told Catherine when I was going through the screen thing. Yeah. I remember this.

[03:17:07] Eldar: Yeah. You know, you know what I'm, what? I said, what you said? I said, no, let him kill me. 

[03:17:11] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:17:12] Eldar: I don't give a fuck. 

[03:17:12] Harris: Mm-hmm. 

[03:17:13] Eldar: Hold the pin, man. I don't give a fuck. Mm-hmm. Hold the pin. Like, I've never felt this way. 

[03:17:19] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:17:19] Eldar: But this was like, what the fuck? 

[03:17:21] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:17:21] Eldar: These motherfuckers trying to fucking oppress us.

[03:17:23] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:17:24] Eldar: For what? For? Mm-hmm. 

[03:17:27] Eldar: So it's the same thing goes for all of us. Mm-hmm. We have to stand on our shit. 

[03:17:33] Speaker 10: Yeah. Well, 

[03:17:33] Eldar: I'm trying to learn that. I know this is, I think everybody's trying to learn that. Yeah. As soon as you jump over that fucking hump where yell is not the def defining factor for you as a person 

[03:17:45] Eldar: mm-hmm.

[03:17:46] Eldar: You become a creative, you actually become a creative. When he came to me and said, yo Harris' videos, who Harris is, I wanna promote that. 

[03:17:54] Speaker 10: Mm-hmm. 

[03:17:54] Eldar: I love that. I want to do that. Yeah. I'm like, 

[03:17:57] Speaker 10: whoa. 

[03:17:58] Eldar: Yeah. He created a couple videos. I was like, yo, this is good. Mm-hmm. She's fucking good. Yeah. Are you kidding me?

[03:18:04] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Like, I believe that this is the truth of the matter. Mm-hmm. Like, I think the world will resonate with that. Mm-hmm. Where is he? Yeah. He's nowhere to be found right here. Oh, who's that? What, what was that? She's in, you know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. He has talent. Yeah. He has the eye for creatives.

[03:18:21] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Yale, who gives a fuck. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna pay my own way. Mm-hmm. Fuck you. Yeah. YouTube, TikTok. Oh, we can spread the fucking word. We can fucking market ourselves. Of course. But we don't do that. Mm-hmm. We punk out. Mm-hmm. The dad dictates, oh, you have three months Harris. 

[03:18:36] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[03:18:37] Eldar: Saying, I know. And, and the problem is we all have these fucking problems.

[03:18:41] Eldar: Mm-hmm. It's the same shit. Yeah. That girl that's sitting like, you gotta make fun of her. Mm-hmm. Like, what is wrong with you? Mm-hmm. Why are you here? Mm-hmm. What's wrong with you? Mm-hmm. You are vibing. Let's go fucking vibe. What do, what do you want? You have to oppress them. Mm-hmm. And that's what I talked about last, last episode.

[03:18:56] Eldar: Mm-hmm. That we are trying to brainwash Yeah. Each other into our own worldview. Yeah. If it's objectively true. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I remember this. If we're not, then what are we doing? Mm-hmm.