165. Power of Pain and Personal Change

Why does unsolicited advice often backfire, and how can he change it?

In this raw and introspective episode, Mike, Toliy, Eldar, and Harris dive deep into the transformative power of pain and the journey of personal change. Toliy shares a profound epiphany about moving away from forcing advice on others to embracing compassion and patience, sparked by years of self-reflection. The group explores how pain drives growth, the pitfalls of unsolicited advice, and the importance of timing in helping others. With humor, tough love, and vulnerability, they discuss ego, accountability, and the slow, often painful process of change. Harris opens up about his struggles, while the group reflects on societal perceptions and the universal quest for self-awareness. Tune in for a candid conversation that challenges you to embrace discomfort as a catalyst for becoming your best self.

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Chapters

• 1:25 The Dangers of Unsolicited Advice
• 5:41 The Importance of Compassion
• 10:28 The Role of Ego and Pride
• 12:36 Unsolicited Advice and Ego
• 31:01 Compassion and Timing
• 49:51 The Disconnect Within
• 1:00:06 The Nature of Change
• 1:06:19 Final Thoughts

Transcript

[00:00:00] Dennis: On this week's episode, 

[00:00:01] Toliy: do I wanna lead with my ego and then not hear the truth that someone's giving me the opportunity to hear? Or am I able in those moments to identify that? Like, hey, here's an opportunity to find something out. 

[00:00:13] Eldar: I think that's where real change is when we become aware of pain, truly aware of pain long enough, right?

[00:00:19] Eldar: Where we're like, you know what? I'm tired of this fucking pain. I don't wanna experience this anymore. What is wrong with me? 

[00:00:25] Toliy: The day-to-day commitment to do something without seeing light at the end of the tunnel, I think is difficult. To truly do that, you need to really be, I think in a, um, a state of, I don't know

[00:00:43] Eldar: all guys yet again, another week with an epiphany. Totally describe the epiphany that you had finally, and we have a breakthrough that you discussed with me earlier this week, and let's, let's dive into it. 

[00:01:01] Mike: Yeah. I feel like you better do a better job describing this. Yeah. 

[00:01:04] Toliy: Why don't you explain, you know what I mean?

[00:01:06] Toliy: Yeah. It's your thing. Sure. It's my thing. But like, I fucking went over it like so, so many times that it's hard to like, uh, all right, great. Now go over it online try. Does 

[00:01:14] Eldar: he even know what we're talking about or no? No. Okay. Fine. 

[00:01:17] Harris: He has so many, he thinks he has so many epiphanies. He can't remember which one he's talking about.

[00:01:23] Harris: Which epiphany is 

[00:01:24] Eldar: it? Alright, so the epiphany is from the last episode that we talked about, right? Um, the dangers of giving unsolicited advice. We discussed many things that pertain to that. Toley has finally come waving the white flag. He, he surrendered. He surrendered. He's come to realize that his approach has not been serving him, right?

[00:01:52] Eldar: Shoving, quote unquote truth down people's throats has been hurtful for him and for others. Harris, you had a thought. I never thought. Okay, cool. That was like a little burp. Yeah. 

[00:02:04] Harris: Okay. A little burp. I'm drinking this, uh, new beer over here that tastes like lead, you know lead hell like that.

[00:02:12] Eldar: Yes. So he's waving the white flag surrender. So the way he used to do things, something has finally clicked. Hopefully we can explore that today. Today. Maybe the, the spotlight is not on you, Harris. Oh, good. Good. Okay. That's on. Totally. But it's gonna end up going to me in a way, probably 100%. Because you also have examples of where you try to teach when not asked, right.

[00:02:37] Eldar: We talked about your mom and stuff like that, your dad or whatever. Mm-hmm. Talking about your mom probably. Um, but yeah, he finally is turning the other leaf and he is like, you know what, I'm gonna try something different. And he tried it a little bit 

[00:02:51] Eldar: and he called me and he said, yo, I'm starting to feel it.

[00:02:55] Eldar: I said, okay. Pass the mic to,

[00:03:03] Harris: wow. That is wonderful, man. Yeah, that a lot. That's very good. That's insightful. Yeah. I felt 

[00:03:08] Toliy: that 

[00:03:08] Harris: you'd 

[00:03:08] Toliy: find that 

[00:03:09] Harris: to be a good point. Very insightful man. 

[00:03:13] Toliy: Yeah. I feel like, uh, just, just overall, I mean, like, I, I've been attached for a long time for, you know, trying, trying to, to have more truthful conversations at, at, at as much as possible at all.

[00:03:29] Toliy: Like as all times, like, uh, as, as, as I can, I guess, or as, like I, uh, I notice things and it's hard for me in general to, uh, to notice things and not say them. Um, but, um, I'm now understanding the importance that like if somebody wants to, I don't know, let's just say be a dumb ass, right? They want to or they wanna make particular like, um, choices.

[00:03:59] Toliy: Right. It would be nice. Okay. 

[00:04:01] Eldar: What if, what if you said they're trying to experiment. They're trying to test the theory. Yeah. Like if they 

[00:04:05] Toliy: want to test their own theories Yeah. Right. And they want to do what they wanna do, then like you're over 

[00:04:10] Eldar: here saying like, you a hundred percent right. On your all, you know, your insights.

[00:04:15] Eldar: That's some arrogant shit. That is some arrogant shit. 

[00:04:18] Toliy: Um, yeah. If people want to test their theories, like, yeah, no, like, I don't know everything, but I've had a lot of struggles and issues and a lot of different things. Mm-hmm. And I've lived through and I lived out a lot of these different theories on my own.

[00:04:31] Harris: Mm. 

[00:04:32] Toliy: You know, so no, I'm definitely not an all know knowing, but I'm a professional spotter of retardation. 

[00:04:39] Harris: Hmm. 

[00:04:40] Toliy: You know? Yeah. Of people, um, like acting a particular way or making particular choices, um, that will get 'em into a place where. They're ultimately unhappy. But, um, I'm also understanding that that is also an important process for people to go through, because at the end of the day, like no one is here saying like, Hey, like, like, I'm ready.

[00:05:06] Toliy: I'm, I'm, I'm, uh, ready, willing, and able to like learn and like, I'll do what you guys say or like that, like, like, no, no, no one's a willing participant like that. You know, everyone has an ego. Everyone has their own opinions. Everyone can like, has their own capacities. Everyone can notice or not notice different things, you know, so trying to like force or convince or like probe somebody to do something that they ultimately are showing that they don't want to, uh, do, um, is not good.

[00:05:40] Toliy: You know? So whatever quest or journey that they choose to go to, I can instead just be there. Um, ready. Um, to help when the time is right. Whether that takes a year, 10 years, 20 years, or a whole lifetime 

[00:05:57] Harris: catch when someone falls, huh? 

[00:05:59] Toliy: You know, like, um, be there when, when they ask for the help or when they, uh, are, are ready for it.

[00:06:08] Toliy: And in the, and like in the meantime, like work, work on myself and focus on myself and not be attached to particular outcomes or particular conversations to, to happen or not to happen. So 

[00:06:20] Eldar: give us some insight as to actually what happened, um, why have you, you know, surrendered to this thing, or why have you finally said, you know what, I'm done.

[00:06:32] Eldar: Um. Well, or want to be done, let's just say. Yeah. I feel like, um, what have you like actually saw and you finally clicked where it's like you didn't know and now it clicked and now it makes sense. 

[00:06:43] Toliy: Yeah. Like I, I feel like I, I valued for my, myself at least, like a, uh, particular style of communication. 

[00:06:51] Eldar: Hmm.

[00:06:51] Eldar: Like driving the point being Right. 

[00:06:53] Toliy: Well, no, no, no. I'm saying like first to, to myself. Like, I would like, like, like, uh, if something's going on or I'm doing something wrong or like, I'm not noticing something, like, I would definitely like someone else to, to point those things out for me. 

[00:07:06] Harris: Hmm. 

[00:07:07] Toliy: And like, um, I feel like I've grown enough thick skin to, um, to, uh, to handle it.

[00:07:15] Toliy: And then like, um, I feel like I'm relatively ready to handle the pain that that comes with it, you know, of like, whatever it might be. So like, I would like that way of communication to, to myself. Although I know like. It hurts a lot of times. And then like, it, it's painful and it's like you can go through a whole process and feel all these different things, you know?

[00:07:39] Toliy: But like, I've also been at this for, for a long time, you know, and, um, I've been through a lot, you know, like all, like ultimately, yeah. 

[00:07:51] Eldar: This is a good point. I'm gonna tie this back to Harris's thing. Make an example, right? Uh, before Harris falls asleep physically and metaphysically, and another one falls asleep too, man.

[00:08:03] Eldar: No, Mike just has allergies. That's different. Um, Harris, what he's talking about here, right? Uh, was maybe to some degree an example that you, what you and Mike went through today. 

[00:08:12] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:08:12] Eldar: Right? What he's saying is that he's built enough thick skin to be able to withstand those types of criticisms, right?

[00:08:20] Eldar: Where Mike today gave you criticism, right? He gave you insight, right? Which you called revenge or judgment or whatever it is that he did, right? You, you coined it as being bad. In that moment, um, totally said, look, you know, if I'm doing something wrong, which in that moment, let's just say you were doing something wrong, right.

[00:08:38] Eldar: Or being arrogant or whatever. Right. I'd like to be called out on it. Right. Um, and he won't have this type of reaction that you had today. Right. He's grown enough thick skin in order to withstand and say, you know what? There might be a lesson here. I'd like to perk up my ears a little bit and listen up.

[00:08:56] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Right. Today, obviously you failed that test. Right. Thank you. You're welcome. 

[00:09:01] Toliy: Yeah. Like OO ul. Um, ultimately like, am I gonna, like, there's plenty of times where I will give me particular like cues or hints or opportunities on things and like, I'll definitely like in the moment fail them or not understand them, but um, maybe in the moment I won't understand it or fail it, or I won't understand, like Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:09:24] Toliy: I ultimately won't understand it, but. I'll think about it. And I feel like I'll, I come around pretty, pretty fast on it now. Yeah. Um, but I like, I'd like the opportunity to, um, like there, I, I'm, I'm well aware that there's no way for just to say, okay, like, I wanna know the truth at all times, and I know no matter what, like my ego's not gonna flare up.

[00:09:46] Toliy: Yeah. Right. Or I'm not gonna feel like upset or angry about it, or like, be arrogant or so something like that, that, that, that's not realistic, but I'd like a shot for opportunity so that I can have the opportunity to, um, to make a choice ultimately. Right. Do I wanna lead with my ego and then not hear the truth that someone's giving me the opportunity to hear?

[00:10:09] Toliy: Or, um, am, am, am I able in those moments to identify that? Like, Hey, here's an opportunity to find something out. Are you listening or are you asleep? And if I'm listening, then I know that I'll be able to, to, to, to give myself an opportunity to learn or if I Yeah, 

[00:10:25] Eldar: that's a very good point. You see that? Am I gonna lead with my ego right, and play out that thing, or am I gonna slow down enough to hear maybe what my friend has to say and why he's saying it in your case, right?

[00:10:40] Eldar: Yeah. He was over compromised Mike. Right. He was compromised. That's it. He was too attached Right. To preserving, quote unquote an image, which is false. Correct. That's a false image. Yes. Right. What he's saying is that look, is am I gonna allow my ego, right? Mm-hmm. My pride, it's very important point. Mm-hmm.

[00:11:03] Eldar: If you could tie it back to your own experience, you might understand where he's coming from, and then you're gonna be able to apply this one day for yourself. Yeah. He's saying, Hey, am I gonna allow my attachment and my ego hold me back from learning something? Right. Or from someone else pointing out to me that I'm doing something wrong or I'm being ugly in that moment.

[00:11:26] Eldar: Yeah. Right. 'cause clearly you had an ugly moment. Yeah. And Mike clearly said, Hey, this is why I'm doing it. He becomes, he what happens in the instance, he becomes the enemy. Yeah. Switch. Right? You switched up on him right away without actually understanding his intentions and why he is doing it in the first place, despite the fact that he tried to explain it to you, he's saying, Hey, I want to give, I want to be given that opportunity.

[00:11:53] Eldar: You understand? 

[00:11:54] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:11:54] Eldar: You and your reaction is saying the opposite, right, Mike? Mm-hmm. What, what you're doing is right, right now. Right? If Mike, you know, obviously didn't have all these insights, right? Maybe Mike was feeling a certain type of way, the way you attacked him back, he could've said, you know what?

[00:12:09] Eldar: I'm not giving you any more advice. Mm. And guess what? You just close yourself off. Close yourself off on all the insight that Mike has to offer. And I'm gonna tell you right now, anytime without ego, our pride and our arrogance flares up. The person's given advice. Will always look like the, the enemy. Yeah.

[00:12:29] Eldar: He will always look like the enemy. Does not necessarily mean he's the enemy, but he will always look like the enemy. 

[00:12:36] Harris: Yeah. Can you explain that phenomenon to me? No. No, I cannot. Okay.

[00:12:43] Toliy: Yeah, so I'm definitely not gonna bat bat a hundred here, but if I give myself, if, if, if I ask for the opportunity and I can put myself in a position to, um, to seize it, then I, then, then I know it'll end, end up successfully, either in the short term or the long term or both. Um, 

[00:13:05] Eldar: and that you want extend that.

[00:13:06] Eldar: So, so, so when it comes to teaching 

[00:13:08] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. Ultimately I like to, yeah. To, to extend that as well, you know, but I know that one, not everyone's up for that. Even if they say that they are, um, 

[00:13:19] Harris: because you've been there, done that. 

[00:13:21] Toliy: Um, so yeah, like I, uh, like I. I need to enjoy the relationships I have with people for like what, what they are.

[00:13:30] Toliy: And not like, push people to do things that they're not raising their hand for, you know? And just, um, yeah. 

[00:13:40] Harris: Dude. Sounds like you just lost a bad cop. 

[00:13:43] Harris: I know. I just lost a bad cop. But, uh, I, I saw toll's, uh, heart, uh, during my birthday dinner, you know? Ooh. Something. He doesn't show emotion, you know? You saw 

[00:13:54] Mike: him hard.

[00:13:54] Mike: You said, or you saw his hard, hard, fuck you man. Hard his heart. Okay. He doesn't 

[00:14:00] Harris: show a lot of emotion, you know? And, you know, when he opened up a little bit, would you say that was a, his turning point? I don't know if it's his turning point. I think he finally, uh, opened up a little bit. It totally doesn't open up a lot.

[00:14:12] Harris: Mm-hmm. You know, he has this, uh, this shell. Mm-hmm. That's what you think, man? Well, you know. Let's just say, uh, one of my friends that were there that night, I'm not gonna name names, asked if, uh, I really thought totally meant what he said. Hmm. And I said, well, there's something about to bro, he don't lie.

[00:14:37] Harris: Hmm. When he says stuff, he don't lie. Why'd you look at him like that, man? Well, 

[00:14:43] Eldar: look at 

[00:14:43] Harris: Archie. 

[00:14:44] Eldar: It wasn't me. He looked at you, bro. I wasn't the only friend there. No, I know. And I'm gonna say it wasn't me. No, it wasn't you. Oh, no. It wasn't me and I wasn't 

[00:14:53] Harris: there. So you were there. Okay. You just didn't say much, man.

[00:14:57] Harris: I might've been the ghost. He, he didn't say much, but, uh, yeah, I saw, uh, totally his, uh, heart open up a little bit, you know? 

[00:15:05] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:15:06] Harris: Flicker a light. 

[00:15:07] Eldar: Flicker a little light. Yeah. All right. 

[00:15:09] Harris: Good, 

[00:15:09] Eldar: good. Yeah. That's why you teared up and started crying a little bit. 

[00:15:12] Harris: What the hell, man? What? You did tear it up? No, I teared up twice that night, man.

[00:15:16] Harris: Fine. 

[00:15:17] Mike: When you saw the ghost mm-hmm. Was one of them or No? One was the podcast, one was the dinner. Ah, wow. You had a you emotional wreck the past few weeks, man. Good. 

[00:15:27] Toliy: Yeah, so, so like, I used to not be, uh, I would say like, um, and maybe I'm still not like, like fully Okay. Like, at all times with, um, someone missing out on our, on, on like an opportunity for example.

[00:15:41] Toliy: And, um, but 

[00:15:43] Eldar: you're not only doing this for the sake of your own self, but you are also doing it for the sake of others, obviously, right? 

[00:15:48] Toliy: Well, I 

[00:15:48] Eldar: think 

[00:15:49] Toliy: both. 

[00:15:49] Eldar: Yeah. Would you not say that this is probably where compassion lies? 

[00:15:53] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. Just be more, more compassionate to people and not be so, uh, rigid. May maybe.

[00:16:01] Toliy: Okay. Right. Not have like a particular like agenda that I'm mm-hmm. Pushing. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um, right. And, and just like, again, like be okay with like however long or whatever way that they want to, like, test out whichever theories that they would wanna do. You know? 

[00:16:19] Eldar: Mike, what do you think, I know you obviously have been on the, on the brunt of totally being a bad cop mm-hmm.

[00:16:25] Eldar: Side. Yeah. Yeah. And you obviously experienced my way Yeah. Of, of questioning and doing things and stuff, you know? Yeah. Now that you're hearing this, what are you thinking? Well, um, 

[00:16:35] Mike: like, um, are you excited? Yeah, I, I mean, I'm gonna, I was gonna share what are my thoughts on, and Okay. I think to me it is exciting because, um, the question like that comes to me is like, okay.

[00:16:49] Mike: And I think it's like, um. Like, what's the, what's important here? Is it the intention or the results, right? Mm-hmm. Like if you have an intention to help people Yeah. To bring them the truth, but you using the wrong strategy and it's not effective. 

[00:17:02] Harris: Mm-hmm. 

[00:17:02] Mike: Does it matter what your intention is? Or like, uh, I'm not, not to attack it, but I'm saying, or now I think the new approach is like, Hey, I actually do wanna help this person by finding the right approach that is gonna work with him and, and I, 'cause you understand the process.

[00:17:19] Mike: Yeah. And I think the process is probably universal where I. If you build a rapport with that person Yeah. They're gonna come to you 

[00:17:27] Harris: Yeah. 

[00:17:27] Mike: For help. Because they're gonna know that, hey, I can rely on this person, um, to help them not to hear the truth, but to catch them in the moment when they're actually ready to maybe actually maybe to ready to make some steps, you know?

[00:17:41] Mike: Yeah. But to get there, it requires that, I don't know, I'm not gonna use the T word, but, uh, some kind of rapport where the person does feel comfortable, where, um, you're, they see you as competent, you've shown them compassion, and they're ready to finally, you know, get rid of that ego in that specific 

[00:18:04] Harris: Yeah.

[00:18:04] Mike: Thing. 

[00:18:05] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:18:06] Mike: Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:18:07] Eldar: I think that's an interesting question. It's a very interesting question, and obviously I'm leading towards the one. Harris is gonna say right now? 

[00:18:15] Harris: No, like I have a statement. Okay. Okay. Oh, sit down. Don't get out. Don't, don't, you know, yeah. Jump down my throat. I know you're not going to, but don't take offense to this.

[00:18:29] Harris: Mm-hmm. Uh, yeah. You know, in the group, like Right when I talk about my dad and stuff like that. 

[00:18:36] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:18:37] Harris: Right. It's easier to do it with Mike and Elda and you. Mm-hmm. Uh, uh, I don't know. I always felt like, you know, totally was the bad guy. I can't really explain it, you know? He, you know, and a lot of times, uh, he doesn't, you know, fully believe, you know, I want, I'm trying to make that change, like one, the problems with my dad and I was trying to figure out ways and different shit.

[00:19:02] Harris: Mm-hmm. 

[00:19:02] Harris: Yeah. 

[00:19:03] Harris: You know, a lot of times Totally would give it a hard time, you know? Yeah. So I couldn't really, you know, do it in 

[00:19:10] Eldar: front of, of fun of him. 

[00:19:11] Harris: Yeah. 

[00:19:13] Eldar: Okay. Thank you Harris. I dunno what you said, but that was great. And I think that Harris, that, you know, part of your testimony is part of his change.

[00:19:21] Eldar: Yeah. Meaning that the reason why he's changing is because you also provided feedback. Yeah. Many people provided feedback, right? Mm-hmm. And he's tested his own theory for a very long time, where now he's putting it down. I say, you know what? I wanna try something different. I wanna lead differently. You know, I think it's a very interesting and different change, you know, because I think this type of, uh, this type of change, at least fundamental changes, the, the group dynamic for good or bad.

[00:19:49] Eldar: Well, I'm gonna tell you one thing, Harris, um, only time will tell, because I'm gonna tell you right now going with that man. I'm gonna tell you why. I'm gonna tell you why, what totally used to display his, his effort, right? Mm-hmm. The society actually agrees with this, right? More so what he's gonna lead with now.

[00:20:11] Eldar: If he leads with this now, right. The society is gonna probably say that he's the bad guy. 

[00:20:16] Harris: You know, thinking back on it now, I've been accused of this. Yeah. Well you're not, yeah. Thinking back on it now. Totally remind me. It reminded me a lot of like the parents, right? Yeah. They tell you what for you should be doing.

[00:20:27] Harris: For sure not 

[00:20:28] Eldar: doing. Of course. And it never works. Exactly. Of course. Right? But that's the status quo of the world. The society believes in that approach, right? Mm-hmm. The society understands it. I'm 

[00:20:37] Harris: going through this with my dad right now. Correct? When he goes, I tried sales when I was your age, it didn't work.

[00:20:43] Harris: Correct. Why won't you listen to me? There you go. Yeah. All 

[00:20:46] Eldar: this stuff. Exactly. Right now, I think totally, uh, he's going to the shadows of, if he's gonna continue with this, um, of giving proper help, but only, only the paying attention. Few will understand that it's actually real majority is gonna coin him as the bad guy.

[00:21:06] Eldar: Everyone says that, bro. Everyone in my family thinks you're the bad guy. There you go. And I think that's, um, that's an interesting thing to take, like side to take, you know? 

[00:21:15] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:21:16] Eldar: What do you guys think about that? 

[00:21:19] Mike: It's definitely an interesting 

[00:21:20] Eldar: question, and I'm gonna tell anybody. Yeah. But I don't think even those people that he's gonna try to help.

[00:21:24] Eldar: Yeah. Right. He might go for a long journey. Right. For a long journey. Trying to, trying to be patient, trying to be, do the right thing, be compassionate, hear them out, and then he still might come out to be the bad guy. See, accused of that. See, I don't think I have, I have plenty of examples. Yeah. 

[00:21:42] Harris: Like other people labeling someone as like the bad guy.

[00:21:45] Harris: I don't think he, I 

[00:21:45] Eldar: I'm doing, uh, ego driven charity work 

[00:21:48] Harris: according to some This is true. Uh, that's funny. Uh, but, um, you understood it, huh? People on the outside that aren't in, I guess the inner circle. Yeah. I don't think they can label someone as a bad guy without seeing the everyday efforts that go into something.

[00:22:06] Eldar: Well, they definitely 

[00:22:06] Harris: can. They can. It doesn't mean that they're right. Correct. But I don't think they have a right to do it if they don't see what's really going on. 

[00:22:12] Eldar: I agree with you there. I probably agree with you there. Yeah. That's, they don't see like Right. Like your mom. Well, that's I'm brother I'm saying.

[00:22:20] Eldar: Right. You know, even my mom, 

[00:22:21] Harris: like, you know, uh, 

[00:22:24] Eldar: my mom asked me like, why are you wasting time on this guy? My what? Me? Yeah. What the fuck? I thought your mom loved me, man. She does 

[00:22:32] Harris: love you. 

[00:22:33] Eldar: Doesn't mean that she doesn't have thoughts about you. Yeah. I'm just giving you the rule. Yeah. But, uh, because right now you, um, you know, we're desensitizing you to the being real.

[00:22:41] Eldar: Yeah. And stop hiding. Yeah. Well, that's the truth. Yeah. I told you the society, if they look at you Harris, you're not supposed to succeed. That's the reality of it. When the fuck she say 

[00:22:51] Harris: this, man, 

[00:22:51] Eldar: I'm calling out your mom now. I'm calling out your mom now. No. Well, you know, my mom has always been on my case.

[00:22:58] Eldar: Yeah. Why are you doing this? Not just with you, uh, everyone. Why are you doing this? Why, why do you need this? What the fuck? Well, she say that about YP too. Well, yeah. I mean, if you, if you were, you guys weren't here, but two, two days ago yesterday, my mom was telling me what to do and which, which degree to go get in order to get a new job.

[00:23:18] Eldar: Oh, no, you were saying 

[00:23:18] Harris: this, you know, I found all, just yesterday. Totally heard it. I wasn't 

[00:23:21] Mike: here. 

[00:23:22] Harris: You, you were talking about how your mom found all the degrees and shit that you should be a doctor right now. 

[00:23:26] Eldar: Yeah. She's like, go get your doctor's degree and start working with people because this is what's in demand right now.

[00:23:30] Eldar: Nice. I'm like, this is what I do actually, you know, sick. 

[00:23:34] Harris: But, um, yeah, like my mom, you know. She insists that, uh, you know, oh, he's trying to turn you into his Guinea pig. He's trying to, you know, make you mm-hmm. She's not turning you into a Guinea pig. You are a Guinea pig. Yeah, obviously, but I'm trying, 

[00:23:51] Eldar: we're trying to, exactly.

[00:23:52] Eldar: My mom built off a thing. Emotion. 

[00:23:54] Harris: My, my, I guess everyone in my family doesn't realize as, uh, I don't wanna say how fucked up I am or mm-hmm. Because I guess it kind of, in a way, all of them are a little bit contributed. Yeah. Contributed, but also a little bit messed up themselves. That's right. You know? Uh, yeah.

[00:24:16] Harris: And, you know, I pointed certain things out to my mom, like when I called her and said, trust is dead. 

[00:24:21] Harris: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

[00:24:22] Harris: Yeah. My mom thought I was high and shit. Like Yeah. You know, I was doing drugs or Yeah. Something. And uh, you know, I was kinda quoting like Socrates and all this shit to her. Yeah. And she goes, okay.

[00:24:35] Harris: You know, like, there we go. I'm trying to tell her a little bit about, you know. Yes. What they even knew back then. She don't wanna fucking hear it. Yeah. And she goes, you know, he was a cult leader. Yeah. He had his own flock. That's right. I was like, it doesn't mean the shit he says ain't true. Yeah. You know, like, she goes, well I agree with some of his stuff, but mm-hmm.

[00:24:58] Harris: It's a cult. He's running off like a, a prophecy. Mm-hmm. You know, he's, yeah. Quoting profits and all this different shit. And I'm like, everyone can think what they want, man. And that's okay. 

[00:25:17] Eldar: But let's have a real conversation. And Go ahead, man. Let's get back to that. No, no, no. I'm saying that if your mom was to come here and join us during the podcast, that's funny, man.

[00:25:25] Eldar: I'm just saying if she 

[00:25:26] Harris: did, 

[00:25:26] Eldar: yeah. All right. We can have a real 

[00:25:28] Harris: conversation. That's like saying, get your mom to come join us on the park. 

[00:25:30] Eldar: Yes. And then she was, yeah. And if your mom one day does have this conversation with us, she'll quickly find out. She'll tell me behind the scenes. She won't say it in front of you, but she'll say, thank you so much for helping my son.

[00:25:41] Harris: She's already said it, but no, I, it's not like something She did say that to me too, the, it's not something that's like, you know. Yeah. That she, I don't think she barely meant that Foley. She's not yet behind it yet. Yeah. Yeah, she did. She's not a cheerleader yet. I don't think she meant that Foley. Yeah, 

[00:25:53] Eldar: of course.

[00:25:53] Eldar: You know, but yeah, she's being polite and all this stuff. Yeah. Whatever. You know how my mom is. Yeah. I get it. I know how moms are, you know what I mean? 

[00:26:01] Harris: Well, you've known mine for a very long time. You know. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. She used to sit on your lap back in the day. Yes. All right. So I'm looking forward to the change, and if the change can stick, wow.

[00:26:15] Toliy: Yeah. I mean, we'll, we'll see. Yeah, we, we'll see, man. Because you know what? No, no, 

[00:26:19] Harris: because I wanna, I wanna say something. Let's talk about change. Yeah, go ahead. Because there has been times where you can see where Ldar is coming from, and I've heard, you know, oh, oh, I'll try it, but totally is actually trying really hard now, you know.

[00:26:32] Eldar: No, no. Actually, I'm gonna tell you one thing. When you come to a realization, and then finally everything clicks. The effort is actually effortless. It's very easy to accomplish. And do Paris, the other stuff, the times before when he tried mm-hmm. Was actually hard to do. You know? Why? Because he didn't believe it.

[00:26:52] Harris: So I have to ask Holly, when did this realization come? Were you, uh, sleeping and it's been coming for many years? Yeah. 

[00:26:58] Toliy: No, I mean, it had been coming for like a, like a decade plus. Yeah. You know, but now, now it, it, it's at a point where, um, it's actually way more work to do what I was trying to do before.

[00:27:13] Toliy: Substitute the 

[00:27:13] Eldar: word work for pain. 

[00:27:15] Toliy: Yeah. Way. Yeah. Way. Yeah. It's very important. Yeah. Way more painful. Because like, yeah, there's plenty of times where I feel like, hey, like, yeah, I have a truthful insight and like I want to talk to somebody about it. But like, they're not receptive to it. They don't want to hear it.

[00:27:30] Toliy: And then ultimately it leads to like an argument, right? Or like something and nobody's happy. Like, yeah. Or like, yeah, no, no, no one's happy from it. So it's like. I need to put in a bunch of effort to do it to what I think is going to, to help somebody or like, um, instead it hurts you, like realize something.

[00:27:49] Toliy: Yeah. Except like it, or it's like, like instead it backfires on me and I get caught called like names and I get reacted to a particular way. So it's like, like why would I wanna continue to, to uh, to put energy towards something like that? Right. Um, where people get upset with me or people act like a certain type of way.

[00:28:11] Toliy: I mean, my intention is definitely not like a, a bad one in those times, but like, it's not, 

[00:28:18] Harris: it has a way of coming across that way. 

[00:28:20] Toliy: Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it doesn't come across to the people in that kind of way, then like, for, for, for me, it's hard to, to exercise lots of times. Like if I, if, if I don't think, because if.

[00:28:33] Toliy: To me, it's like you, that that person, like not paying attention or not listening or not having this conversation, it could put 'em for like, like what to me feels like a long journey ahead instead, right? Mm-hmm. 

[00:28:46] Eldar: So for me, that's, that's exactly what's happening. Yeah. 

[00:28:49] Toliy: So for me, oftentimes it's baffling like, Hey, you're not willing to have this conversation now.

[00:28:54] Toliy: Instead, rip the bandaid off, rip the bandaid off. Instead, you're gonna go suffer for the next two years and you're gonna come back here anyway. 

[00:29:00] Eldar: You understand what's happening or, no, I understand what's happening. You're being set up right now. Yeah. You are being set up right now. Good. Okay. To either understand this or go through that journey.

[00:29:11] Eldar: Good. Mike was an example today. He did that example for you, right? He tried to help you. If you fought hard enough and didn't apologize or didn't realize his true intentions, guess what? Mike will shut down sooner or later too. 

[00:29:23] Mike: Well, that's why I said what he said. Uh, in the beginning. Yeah. When we had this little powwow, when he sent me to GI said, yo, I don't wanna come back from G.

[00:29:32] Mike: See, I made my mind up. I said, that's it. I'll stay there forever. Guess what? 

[00:29:36] Eldar: Guess what? That will be make you a beggar one day. He wants me to get on my knees though. Yes. Whoa. No, no, no, no. But that's what happens. Paris. This is what happens to humans. Or they perish with their egos and pride. Listen man, to the perils of life.

[00:29:55] Eldar: Let's put it this way, life will teach 

[00:29:56] Harris: even, even the best winter through suffering to come to realization. Sure. What's that guy you, you love? Uh, the Dalai Lama, whatever fuck his name is. Yeah. Didn't he go through how many years of suffering? All of them went through many years of suffering. Socrates was locked in a cave.

[00:30:14] Harris: That's 

[00:30:15] Eldar: right. Every locked in a cave. Yes. 

[00:30:17] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. So, so, so for me, like that's how I feel in those moments. And it's like, wait, you're making me be the bad guy when this is like something for you. And, and like, you don't wanna address this, you don't wanna talk about it. Instead, like, I, I get painted as the bad per person when like, what it feels like to me is like, I'm trying to actually prevent pain in that like moment, right?

[00:30:42] Toliy: Um, but it comes, it comes across as if I'm trying to inflict pain. So like, 

[00:30:48] Eldar: so you found no, you, you finally found the respect that that pain that is being inflicted in that moment all can be prolonged in that individual's life is actually exactly the remedy that they need in order to. Realize something.

[00:31:01] Toliy: Yes. Okay. Yes, I agree. So like, if that person wants to make that choice to live to that kinda way, then like I'll have a relationship with that person. Yeah. And like I'll enjoy that relationship for what it is for that moment. For that moment. Yeah. Right. 

[00:31:14] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:31:14] Toliy: And like, if they don't want to have the honest conversation, like Yeah.

[00:31:19] Toliy: For whatever amount of years it takes. Yeah. Then like ultimately that's the right way to, uh, to go about it. 

[00:31:27] Eldar: I think that's, this is, this is profound. 

[00:31:29] Toliy: Yeah. You know, 

[00:31:31] Mike: um, I think it's all like, uh, what you're saying, it's part of it is that maybe you did never looked at it, or maybe you did, I don't know. But you never looked at the things that you have like open, right?

[00:31:43] Mike: Like, uh, open things that you are trying to work on, but you haven't cracked yet. Things that you're trying to improve in your quality of life. But maybe you have like a, um. The, you are the o the other person that you give advice to. You know what I'm saying? What I'm trying to say? Yes, I do understand. I can explain it to you.

[00:32:02] Mike: Yeah. If he doesn't understand. Okay, go ahead. No, if he doesn't understand. If you don't understand, 

[00:32:08] Toliy: um, 

[00:32:08] Eldar: no, sure. Yeah, yeah. You can explain. So what he's saying is that you might also have an outstanding things that you're working on. Mm-hmm. That you actually are giving grace now in this moment. Mm-hmm. You have those things.

[00:32:23] Eldar: Right. However, if you could finish, however, you, 

[00:32:28] Mike: you, you, you forget. You forget. But you don't extend that same thing Yeah. To the other person. That you extend it towards yourself. Like 

[00:32:35] Eldar: if I was to 

[00:32:35] Mike: come, 'cause those are 

[00:32:36] Eldar: two different, those are two different identities. Yeah. The Totally. That has the ability to break down your problem in the moment Yeah.

[00:32:42] Eldar: Is a different Totally. That suffers from a different problem in a different moment. 

[00:32:46] Mike: Absolutely. 

[00:32:46] Eldar: And that's how we all are. Of course. 

[00:32:49] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:32:49] Eldar: I think that's, yeah. And the two, yeah. Don't know each other. 

[00:32:54] Harris: Yeah. 

[00:32:54] Eldar: They don't know that they exist within the moment in time. Right. Our job is to bridge the gap between those two and know that we are this totality.

[00:33:03] Harris: Mm-hmm. 

[00:33:04] Eldar: Right. That, that we are this. Right. Yeah. So we can then extend the same thing and have the proper flow of consistency of character. 

[00:33:12] Harris: Mm-hmm. 

[00:33:12] Eldar: Right. That can be extended past just those moments. Mm-hmm. It can all be a wraparound, like, okay, I'm operating out of this and I have reasons why operating out of this moment because I know that there's another moment and there's another thing that I also have and stuff like that.

[00:33:26] Eldar: Mm-hmm. And that's what you're trying to describe, I think. Mm-hmm. Did I make that clear or no? 

[00:33:32] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. Not, and no, like, I think I agreed to it with like some, some extent, but I feel like, um, I'm much more open and willing to have conversations around those things. Well, yeah. And I think that you will 

[00:33:45] Eldar: have many opportunity, despite the fact that you might be taking a different, uh, stab at this.

[00:33:51] Eldar: Now you're gonna, I think that summoning that part of you is gonna be very interesting and fun, right? Because I think maybe before you had level of attachments and emotional attachments towards it, where you maybe became aggravated, like you said, frustrated or whatever, right? Now we can summon it in the more playful way where he can give the, the, like the honest fucking truth.

[00:34:10] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Right? But have no attachment as to what happens after that, right? Mm-hmm. Because we can just like, play around with it. And I think that's the fun part. Yeah. We can say, Hey, totally give him the honest truth right now. Like, you know, he'll give his take. Yeah. And like that person can almost be like stunned or shocked for that moment, right?

[00:34:24] Eldar: Like, yeah, completely. Like, you know, like. Stun him in his tracks. Mm-hmm. Right. Frees him for a whole day or two, you know? Yeah. But totally won't have like, like anything to like mm-hmm. And that, that individual will feel that the fact that to has actually said these things the way he did and has no attachments behind it.

[00:34:42] Eldar: Therefore that person won't feel the maliciousness. Mm-hmm. That they might have probably felt beforehand when totally had a horse in a race of them changing. Yeah. So I think that's a, it's a, it's a very interesting dynamic that can play out or could be birthed from this and it could be very fun. 

[00:34:56] Harris: Mm-hmm.

[00:34:57] Eldar: I don't know if you understand it, but I understand it and it's pretty cool, you know what I'm saying? I dunno. 

[00:35:03] Toliy: Yeah, no, no. There, yeah. I mean, it'll be very weird for, for me to, to, to do that. I feel like, like I think it's gonna be very cool actually. Yeah. Like, it's not weird. No. Like, like just the thought of it is definitely like weird because like Right, right now I'm trying to, I I'm gonna be as vigilant as possible about like, um, um, 

[00:35:23] Eldar: I don't think you have to.

[00:35:25] Eldar: I don't think you have to be vigilant. Yeah. I'm not sure. Like, yeah. Like, uh, because I think that, uh, you finally, well, I mean, let's talk about change, right? How does change happen? A personality change, or we change as human beings? I think real change comes from finally recognizing that you have a lot of pain and something, and a very specific thing, right?

[00:35:40] Eldar: Mm-hmm. What are we trying to raise awareness to Harris, right? All the pains about him and how he is living life and the way he reacts to life, the way he becomes emotional. This. So we're trying to raise awareness like, Hey, Harris, you have all this pain, bro. Mm-hmm. He's like, ah, ah, well I have this pain because of this.

[00:35:55] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Well, let's think about this thing that you're talking about. You have reasons as to why you experiencing this pains. Right? And today we did that in the kitchen, right? Yeah. And we quickly find out that the reason why he's experiencing those pains is because of the values or things that he have attached to, those are his perceptions.

[00:36:10] Eldar: Yeah. About life. You know what I mean? So what I'm saying is that you we're trying to raise awareness of enough pain that we're going through long enough to finally say, you know what? I am in pain. What the fuck is wrong with me? Mm-hmm. And I think that's what he finally did. Yeah. He finally raised enough alarm to say, you know what, this bringing me pain now.

[00:36:28] Eldar: That's it. I don't think he could put the worms back in the can. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's impossible. Mm-hmm. Yeah. The, the, what is it called? The gig is up. Yeah. The worms are out. Mm-hmm. So every single time when he reverts back mm-hmm. To his old self to give that advice, and he receives that kind of feedback back from the individual that he is interacting with, oh, he's gonna say, what the fuck?

[00:36:50] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Is wrong with me. Yeah. There's not gonna be no more anyone else needing to point this out or have any of the type of conversations. Yeah. He's gonna tell it to himself. Yeah. I think that's where real change is when we become aware of pain. Truly aware of pain long enough, right? Where we're like, you know what?

[00:37:08] Eldar: I'm tired of this fucking pain. I don't wanna experience this anymore. What is wrong with me? Same thing for Harrison. That's what we're trying to do, Harris. We're trying to raise awareness that you are actually in pain all the time. That if you change your mindset, you start to use critical thinking and really understand what's going on, that pain will go away and subside.

[00:37:29] Harris: Mm-hmm. 

[00:37:29] Eldar: This is what we just talked about. Toley has finally recognized that he has pain from what he's been engaging in and how he's been engaging in, who he's been engaging with and stuff like that. All these things has been bringing in pain. He even called it like this heavy weight of rocks you've been carrying, right?

[00:37:46] Eldar: Yeah. Mm-hmm. And now he's like, you know what? He tried it on his dad the other day, this technique. Right? This new found self that he is like, yo, I felt relieved. Mm-hmm. And that's what we're talking about. That's where the real change is actually, I think. 

[00:38:00] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:38:01] Eldar: Raise enough awareness where now going forward, you don't need help.

[00:38:06] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:38:06] Eldar: You'll be aware of the pain. You were like, oh fuck, I did it again. Remember you used to do that with your dad? Mm-hmm. With your, with your sister. Yeah. Right. You, you would go try things out. 

[00:38:17] Harris: Mm-hmm. 

[00:38:17] Eldar: And then you would forget not to do them again, and then you fuck up and step in mud. Mm-hmm. And you're like, what the fuck is wrong with me?

[00:38:23] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Long enough. You are like, yo, enough is enough. Mm-hmm. And now it's automatic. Now it became subconscious. Mm-hmm. Right? Yeah. You've learned enough consciously, you were vigilant. Mm-hmm. Right. Organically. And then now it's lodged in subconsciously. Mm-hmm. You no longer call your dad daddy, right?

[00:38:42] Eldar: Mm-hmm. And you know why? Mm-hmm. No more daddy? The fuck? What a weirdo. Why did he call his dad daddy for 

[00:38:50] Harris: so long? Man? Hey man. 

[00:38:51] Eldar: Be nice. Let's be here, man. Whatever you do with your dad, it's probably 10 x worse than what he used to do. Whoa, whoa. I don't call my dad daddy. You have you his buddy though. Yeah.

[00:38:59] Eldar: You his buddy though. Even worse. That's even worse. Okay. 

[00:39:03] Harris: He ain't got no 

[00:39:03] Eldar: friends, man. What can I say? Yeah. Don't call his dad. Dad. I don't hear that no more or. Or some something weird that you used to guys do. Uhhuh, you know? 'cause you know better. 

[00:39:12] Harris: Yeah. 

[00:39:13] Eldar: You're like, yo, 

[00:39:14] Harris: so what do you call 

[00:39:14] Eldar: him now, Gary? You call, he call, he calls it for what it is, 

[00:39:19] Mike: Gary.

[00:39:19] Mike: Yeah. You 

[00:39:19] Harris: call him Gary? Yeah. Yeah. Damn. I call my dad by his first name. He'd go, Abe, shit. That's disrespectful. Mm 

[00:39:27] Harris: mm-hmm. 

[00:39:28] Harris: I call him by his last name. 

[00:39:29] Eldar: Mr. Mr. Gotta be dad. Mr. Horowitz. Mr. Horowitz. Mr. LeBauer? Yeah. All right. So did you get anything out of this? Do you have any final thoughts? Because I know you're gonna bed.

[00:39:42] Harris: I'm not going to bed, man. 

[00:39:43] Eldar: Oh, 

[00:39:45] Mike: you ordered the Chinese food already? 

[00:39:46] Harris: No, 

[00:39:48] Mike: the, the, I was thinking about it like in, in this thing, I think a lot of times, or like, I don't know why this visual, visual came to me, but in the toll's approach, what he used to do, it's um. He wanted a he, he wanted you like a, it isn't construction terms.

[00:40:06] Mike: He wanted you to cut, cut without like one time. Mm-hmm. He wanted you to cut now Yeah. And not let you measure 10 times. Mm. You know? 

[00:40:14] Harris: Yeah. 

[00:40:15] Mike: Because he didn't understand that what you, what you're, what he's asking you to do. You're not able to, like, you don't know how these tools work. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So he is giving you advice for a professional builder.

[00:40:26] Mike: Yes. Who's a professional builder and specifically, let's just call it building. That's right. 

[00:40:30] Eldar: I don't know. That's right. That is why I am now guiding Harris. Yeah. On the basics of things. Yeah. Where totally was like, Hey, let's go to, instead of basic math, let's go to trigonometry. Yeah. Statistics. Mm-hmm.

[00:40:41] Eldar: Quantum physics. Yes. Right. In sales. Mm-hmm. Right. In terms, his stuff is right. Yeah. His stuff is good. Yeah. The application doesn't work. 

[00:40:49] Mike: The person doesn't know how to cut or anything. He doesn't know how to breathe. Measure. Yeah. He can't breathe this kid. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? So, and that 

[00:40:58] Eldar: is understood, 

[00:40:59] Mike: obviously, you know what I mean?

[00:41:00] Mike: Yes. So, but I think it's also very funny. This is not a fit. It's No, it's not a fit. But I also think it's very funny. Yeah, totally. Is a guy who likes to measure a thousand times and then cut. That is a funny pro. Uh, yeah, that is a funny thing. 

[00:41:14] Eldar: Well, that's, you mentioned that earlier, an example that Yeah.

[00:41:16] Eldar: Yeah. For yourself. That is a, that is tight, you know, because he's extremely cautious. Yes. 

[00:41:20] Mike: Won't do wanna make a wrong step. He has a thousand conversations before taking it. Yes. And then you'll have another thousand and then he might cut, he won't do it still. And he still might not cut. But, but yeah. And I think again, that's also very, uh, it's tied to the, to the one, but Paris.

[00:41:34] Mike: So on behalf of you, 

[00:41:36] Eldar: you are a fucking idiot.

[00:41:41] Harris: How does that feel? Man, it feels great. Yeah. 

[00:41:44] Harris: You understand? Yeah.

[00:41:49] Harris: You were right. So, so what are we saying? Are we saying anything 

[00:41:55] Harris: Harris, 

[00:41:55] Harris: or No? 

[00:41:56] Harris: Well, I look forward to seeing what happens with to Man. Oh, I love it. And he, I 

[00:42:01] Eldar: love when the, when the, what's it? The accountability police. Yeah. The receipts starts to raise the, raise their hands. Love your receipts. Yes. Oh, they want, they want the give back.

[00:42:08] Harris: Yeah. I don't want No get back man. Alright. I just wanna see if he can stick to it, man. All cool. Because there's ways he's like, okay, I'll try. And this, if you were paying attention to 

[00:42:16] Eldar: what I was saying, it's inevitable now. Yeah. He has no choice in the matter. 

[00:42:22] Toliy: I'm looking forward to observing your retardation for a very long time.

[00:42:25] Harris: Oh, thank you very much, man. Oh, thank you very much, man. 

[00:42:28] Toliy: Yeah, 

[00:42:30] Harris: thank 

[00:42:30] Mike: you. So it's interesting, right? It's interesting. Uh, it's, uh, also interesting, uh. Like in general, why do people Right. Feel like they, 

[00:42:39] Eldar: where is that coming from? The unsolicited, I told you this, I told you this. If you paid attention to what I told you, Uhhuh, my theory is that actually we are all trying to brainwash others into our own world of view.

[00:42:52] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Yeah. You know why you said this? Because happiness is shared. Yeah. We want say, yo, check this out. Yo, check this out. We constantly wanna share. Mm-hmm. That's why there's a fucking share button everywhere. Yeah. 

[00:43:03] Toliy: On all those social media. It's also like, uh, like the, uh, for, for, for me at times, like the, um, I'm sorry.

[00:43:10] Toliy: And those who do it 

[00:43:11] Eldar: well, right? Yeah. It's cult. Yeah. Oh yeah. It's a cult bro. Yeah. They're trying to take you and watch and, and see their thing only their way. 

[00:43:22] Harris: Mm-hmm. 

[00:43:23] Eldar: It's a cult. 

[00:43:24] Harris: Yeah. Good. Go. 

[00:43:26] Toliy: You know, I was gonna say that it, it, it, uh, it's also at times like, um, like confusing and also at times, like, um.

[00:43:35] Toliy: Misleading Elise, as far as like, like one person's words, like could like just verbally mean one thing, but they're not like actually like what the person wants or where, or like what, what they're asking for. 

[00:43:50] Eldar: Um, yeah, you definitely have to learn how to distinguish between the two. Yeah. So 

[00:43:55] Toliy: like the, the listening as to like, yes.

[00:43:57] Toliy: Yeah. Like that, that's like, not, not that I have like, um, like, um, fear per, per, per se, like about it. But like, for me, it's very interesting, like if, if somebody were to approach me and say like, Hey, could you help me with this? Like, right now in my mind I'm almost like frozen a bit. I'm, I'm out Like, like I'm almost like, I don't wanna be asked right now.

[00:44:17] Toliy: Yes. You know? Yes. You're not ready. You might not be ready to Yeah, yeah. To help with something because like, um, yeah, I don't know how I'm gonna go about it, you know, like, so like Yeah. I, if not paying attention. Yeah. Right. If I'm paying a attention, if somebody ask where, where to ask me for help right now.

[00:44:34] Toliy: Um,

[00:44:38] Toliy: yeah, I think I would find it very hard to like, um, to, to know what to properly say, you know? Yeah. Because it's like I would have to hear them out and like, um, I, I, like, I know carefully investigate. Yeah. Yeah. I know that I can questions be very good at asking questions, so I'd probably ask a lot of questions.

[00:44:59] Toliy: Yeah. And then make an assessment. Yeah. And then may maybe see like, like based on the questions I'm asking, like maybe the person's just gonna figure it out. Whatever they, like a, like assume or think that they like, are, are, are like, uh, I, I think that 

[00:45:11] Eldar: by asking questions. Okay. Enough questions, real curious ones, you'll find out what the person's intentions really are.

[00:45:18] Eldar: Yes. Yeah. Yes. And when you do, yeah. You will know like, oh, 

[00:45:23] Toliy: shit. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's what I'm saying is that like you, you can't almost, like, you can't give advice until you go past the initial words. Yes. And you find out what's the actual, like, intention here. Correct. Um, correct. Like, what are they actually asking for here?

[00:45:39] Toliy: Correct. And then try to picture myself to give them that. 

[00:45:43] Harris: Yeah. 

[00:45:43] Toliy: When like, like, like I, like I know in the beginning it, it'll, it'll be like, um, like I, I may have think a different thing, for example. Yes. But like, they're not asking for that thing. Yes. That needs to be later. So I'm gonna give 

[00:45:56] Eldar: them this.

[00:45:56] Eldar: Correct. 

[00:45:57] Toliy: But then I like, like I almost need to partially prove it out then like later. I'm not gonna be like a called like, I dunno, like a liar or something, or like a, 

[00:46:06] Eldar: well, no. Yeah, yeah. Well no, I mean we had many of these types of conversations with Mike where if he was attached to a very specific outcome and I knew that he was attached, right.

[00:46:16] Eldar: I would give all the disclaimers. Right Mike? Yeah. I would always give the disclaimers total. Say, hey. These are my thoughts, but the person never remembers 

[00:46:24] Mike: them. Correct. That's a different story. They only remember after the pain happens. Yeah. Because they, the thing is, it's like you're having a Yes, you're having a conversation with a liar.

[00:46:34] Mike: Correct. Who doesn't know that he's lying. Correct. For the moment. For the moment. He's like, I want that, that that girly whirly. Yes. And I need you to gimme, give me to, to send it to me. I want you. Yeah. Because I'm not strong enough to say no yet. Yeah. To stay away from that. Mm-hmm. Yeah. 

[00:46:51] Eldar: But, but I do say that the fire burns.

[00:46:53] Eldar: Yeah. The finger will burn. Yeah. But you're like, Hm, maybe not. So you go always. You burn your finger. Ego 

[00:46:59] Mike: always thinks you can. Yeah. You know, finagle it a different way. 

[00:47:02] Eldar: Yes. Arrogance. Rightfully so. And I think that's what we're all are here for, right? Yeah. To endure enough pain in order to, I guess in order we, we need to endure enough pain in order 

[00:47:15] Harris: to shoot away the ego.

[00:47:22] Eldar: Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, that resonated with you? Yeah. 

[00:47:26] Harris: A little bit. 

[00:47:27] Mike: One, really, one, one, uh, wow. One, one thing that like I'm always thinking about. Mm-hmm. And I'm not sure like how to like, uh, properly put it in words, but the way, like I'm understanding it, is in this thing that's all we're just talking about, there's like this disconnect and we have to find a way to bridge that gap, but it's within ourselves.

[00:47:47] Mike: So why, why I say that is like, uh, totally saying like, Hey, I need to learn when people are complaining and what they, when they actually mean it. Right? Yeah. And I think like, what came to mind, you know? Totally. He comes in here, you know, sometimes a lot, maybe a lot of times, not, not all the time, but he comes in a good amount of times.

[00:48:05] Mike: Like, bro, I fucking slept bad. My neck is bad. Mm-hmm. Bro, I ate this, my fucking stomach is bad. Mm-hmm. Oh, I ate this. My ass is bad. Right? Yeah. And I think, uh, a lot of times we don't, I. There's the disconnect with who, who we are in that moment, when we're complaining and how seriously we take it all. 'cause he, he's just telling me this.

[00:48:25] Mike: He doesn't want me to say like, okay, let's go, like he's starting tomorrow. Let's get you in a gym. Mm-hmm. Let's get you fucking, you know, lose weight or whatever. Eat healthy, eat different food. Yeah. He's not asking for that. He just wants to complain. Mm-hmm. Right. And a lot of times we hear other people want to complain.

[00:48:37] Mike: That's right. You know, so I think it's bridging that gap of who we are, who we are when we complain, there's this disconnect. We don't recognize in that moment that when we hear other people, that we've also been the same person. And I think that's, that's something important there. Because if we. We recognize like our own, those complaints or whatever, they're just meaningless complaints.

[00:49:04] Mike: Mm-hmm. We're not trying to change anything. We just wanna vent or you know, whatever. Just let it out. 'cause we're, you know, but we're not at a point ready to change. That's right. I think if we learn that, how to identify that in ourselves and know it, and then we learn how to then also observe another people.

[00:49:20] Mike: That's right. So it's like that disconnect is between the two people, but ultimately we're all, we're still one person. Like, uh, yeah. You know? Yeah. So I think there's something there. 

[00:49:31] Eldar: No, yeah, I agree. We talked, I talked about it before. Yeah. Those, there are, there's a disconnect between moments and Yeah.

[00:49:36] Eldar: Personalities. Mm-hmm. And when we are, what we are and stuff like that, that we don't extend that same thing. Right. The, within those personalities, within different moments. Yeah. And that's, that's a problem. I think that is a problem. 

[00:49:47] Mike: Yeah. I'm just trying to figure out like what, how to like, pinpoint it.

[00:49:51] Mike: Like, uh, what's, what's it call it? Mm-hmm. No, I think you described the, I just don't dunno what it, what it, what, um, why does that happen, do you think? 

[00:49:59] Eldar: Uh, why 

[00:49:59] Harris: does it happen? Mm-hmm. 

[00:50:04] Eldar: Uh, why does it happen? That's a very interesting thing. Why is it designed that way by Mr. G? Mm-hmm.

[00:50:18] Mike: Is it 'cause ignores his, is it 'cause we're, is it designed this way? Is it 'cause or 'cause we developed this thing as like a, from not taking 

[00:50:25] Eldar: accountability. Some kind of like protection maybe. Yeah. Yeah. You know, 

[00:50:29] Mike: because if you took accountability, would you, if you took accountability and would you treat the other person the same way for making the same mistakes you would see 

[00:50:37] Eldar: automatically?

[00:50:38] Eldar: I'm not sure that's the thing. If that was the case mm-hmm. Um, then you'd do it. Mm-hmm. But the association is different. Right. You wanna uphold a higher bar standard For the external things? Yeah. For external individuals. Mm-hmm. But not yourself. Right. So it's, uh, yeah, I don't know. I'll have to think about that.

[00:50:57] Eldar: That's a question.

[00:51:03] Harris: What? So are we saying anything? No. You ain't saying shit. Alright, cool. Totally, totally. Iss falling asleep.

[00:51:13] Eldar: It's good. It's a good journey. Um, hard journey. It's hard journey. You had, we had, we gave you an, we gave you an example, a small little snippet of what we, what we're talking about right now. When your mom asked you to borrow money, okay? 

[00:51:27] Harris: Mm-hmm. You had a very specific I had to, I had to remind her. You did have to reminder I wanted to punish her.

[00:51:33] Harris: Yeah. No, I had the reminder, Uhhuh. I was like, Hey ma. It's the first, you know? Yeah. Do you have the hundred? I don't like doing it because it's like, oh, you did remind her. Okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You 

[00:51:43] Mike: didn't tell us this. You see? 

[00:51:44] Harris: Yeah. I forgot to tell you guys. I had to remind her last night. Yeah.

[00:51:47] Harris: But we wanted on the journey together, man. Mm-hmm. I know. I forgot to tell you last night I had to text her. I was like, Hey, you know you got to Uhhuh speak of the hundred. So there was a different lesson. Yeah. Yeah. I had, I know what you're talking about. Yeah. We 

[00:52:00] Eldar: have a different lesson there, man. Mm-hmm. I wasn't supposed to ask her.

[00:52:03] Mike: No. 

[00:52:04] Eldar: Have you seen Bronxdale? No. I have, 

[00:52:07] Harris: but I don't remember much about it. 

[00:52:09] Eldar: Do you remember the scene where he said, uh, Louis owes me 20 bucks? 

[00:52:12] Harris: Yeah. 

[00:52:14] Eldar: He goes, I wanna bash his head in. He, he was walking, he is like, with Sonny, and he is like, and there goes Louis and Louis's like, Louisie owes him 20 bucks. He's like, yo, Louie, where's my 20 bucks?

[00:52:23] Eldar: You know? And Lou's like, I'll be all back. I gotta go. I gotta go. You know? I gotta go. He's dodging him. My mom hospital. Yeah. He's like, my mom's in the hospital. My mom is sick. I gotta go visit her. You know, I'll, I'll give it to you later. I'll give it to you later. And suddenly goes, yo, what's up with you man?

[00:52:36] Eldar: Fuck is wrong with you? Why you wanna bash the kid over the head? He goes, he owes me 20 bucks. I should fucking break his legs. He is like, is Louis your friend? He goes, yeah, but he, he is like, no, not really. He is like the fuck you got you, you got off cheap. 20 bucks, you got off cheap. Forget about outta your 

[00:52:55] Mike: life for good.

[00:52:56] Mike: For 20 bucks. 

[00:52:57] Eldar: For 20 bucks. He's never gonna talk to you ever again. Because he is always gonna remember that he owes you 20 bucks. Listen, I'm not saying that get off cheap here with your mom. Mm-hmm. But. Again, I think this conversation applies to your situation. Mm-hmm. Right? You want to teach your mom, I think, prematurely about the a hundred bucks.

[00:53:18] Eldar: Sure. She owes you the money and Yeah. Sure. She, she promised you that she's gonna pay you back the first and Yes. You don't feel good about asking, you just said it yourself. Yeah. That's how you sit on it. The proper way is you sit on it, you don't even remind them. Yeah. They have to come to you now what?

[00:53:35] Eldar: Become the beggars, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. They have to apologize. They did this upon themselves. Yeah. 

[00:53:44] Mike: Yeah. Had the, had this interaction ongoing right now with somebody that I'll, I lend money to. Mm-hmm. You know, and they promised me like, Hey, I'm gonna pay you. Mm-hmm. These are the terms. Yeah. By this date.

[00:53:53] Mike: Yeah. I said, okay, no problem. And. Every time that date came around the first of the month. Mm-hmm. I didn't get any money. Mm-hmm. Couple days later here. Couple days later there. Then after the term is up, I get a call, I'll be like, Hey, I know I owe this money. Mm-hmm. But, uh, I'm gonna need a couple more months.

[00:54:13] Mike: I didn't call him and say, Hey, this term is up.

[00:54:17] Mike: You know? But, but now that person has to feel like a certain type of way. Like, I don't wanna be that person 

[00:54:27] Eldar: chasing up. I think, I think there's a lesson there. Yeah. There's a very good lesson for those people here. Next time she's gonna come to you, she's gonna say, Harris, I'm gonna give you, uh, can I get a, can I borrow a hundred dollars?

[00:54:36] Eldar: I'll pay you back in a month. You say, ma, you sure you're gonna pay me back in a month? Remember, last time we spoke about 

[00:54:44] Eldar: this, did you pay me back in the month?

[00:54:50] Eldar: What happened? Time to grow up 

[00:54:53] Eldar: Harris. Mm-hmm. Right. Remember that time when you said that you were gonna do the, uh, the writing in those boxes? 

[00:54:59] Harris: Yeah. 

[00:55:00] Eldar: Guess what happened? You didn't, 

[00:55:02] Harris: yeah. 

[00:55:03] Eldar: Did you get hit over the head? Yeah. 

[00:55:05] Harris: Stayed up for, uh, you see that 72, uh, 48 hours. I don't think anybody in this 

[00:55:10] Eldar: room cared about you feeling that pain or no.

[00:55:13] Harris: No. Don't give a fuck. You said good, 

[00:55:15] Eldar: good. Enjoy. 

[00:55:16] Harris: Yeah. You were talking 

[00:55:17] Eldar: shit. 

[00:55:18] Harris: Yeah. 

[00:55:18] Eldar: Now enjoy. 

[00:55:19] Harris: Said how easy it's gonna be. You know, I got all this free time. There you go. Mm-hmm. 

[00:55:24] Eldar: Need to learn the lesson. And we, a lot of times don't allow people to learn the lessons. This is what Toll's talking about. A lot of times he's gonna say, Harris, finish the work.

[00:55:36] Eldar: Finish it. 'cause it's gonna hurt when you come in. Do it. Do it. Oh, I did the Walk of shame. Did the walk of shame? Your mom, right? Yeah. She owe you the a hundred dollars. She, she's supposed to bring it to the May 1st. Okay. She ask for any more money right now. She can't, no. How, what is she gonna say? Harris, can I borrow another a hundred?

[00:55:56] Eldar: Ma? You promised me we had, you gave me your word that you're gonna give it back to me by May 1st. You understand? 

[00:56:02] Harris: Yeah. But then she'd be 

[00:56:03] Eldar: like, oh, no, no, no. You didn't remind me. You know? Well, wait, what? Yeah. Well, you see, then you have, you're gonna have an honest conversation then what do you mean? I, so I lend you money, you gave me the terms, and I supposed to chase you to get my money back.

[00:56:18] Eldar: This is how you start building competence in the, in the people's eyes that see you as incompetent through having the right conversations with them, but at the right time when they're receptive. See, you wanted to remind her and you didn't feel good about reminding her, right? Yeah. Why would you subject yourself to that, uh, feeling?

[00:56:39] Eldar: 'cause you're an idiot. You become the beggar. You begging her 

[00:56:42] Mike: to pay you back because you know, 

[00:56:43] Mike: you 

[00:56:43] Mike: heard what I said my own, uh, you become financial issues. You know what I said, Jerry? I mean Jared, uh, Harris. What? I said. 

[00:56:50] Eldar: Yeah. You become the beggar. You begging your mom to pay you back. Are you under pressure with paying people back?

[00:56:56] Eldar: Are they putting the same pressure on you? No. So what are we talking about here? You doing that pressure on yourself. You see your whole perception of this money thing. Borrowing money, lending money, and all the soft stuff is causing you what? Stress and guilt. Stress. Guilt and pain. 

[00:57:13] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:57:14] Eldar: Until you figure this dynamic out, you're gonna continue to have it.

[00:57:19] Eldar: I enjoy. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So there's a lot of examples. We constantly have these examples where, um, number one where the students, and number two, where the teachers right. 

[00:57:36] Mike: But we always forget that we we're both at different areas, but different, we're 

[00:57:39] Eldar: both at different areas and at different times.

[00:57:40] Eldar: Correct. 

[00:57:40] Mike: Yeah. Right. 

[00:57:41] Eldar: If we remember that, that's a super Oh, yeah. It's a superpower. Superpower. Yeah. It's a superpower. Right? 

[00:57:47] Mike: That's what Mr. J was talking about. 

[00:57:49] Harris: Yeah. 

[00:57:50] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:57:53] Harris: I guess I should have called you guys when I was gonna ask her, huh? 

[00:57:56] Eldar: Maybe you should have, but, but maybe you shouldn't. Right. Because maybe this is the lesson you need to learn.

[00:58:00] Eldar: I, I don't think you're supposed to make right decisions right now, Harris. When, where you're critically thinking about these steps. You are an idiot. Thank you. You are welcome. You're supposed to go through this, through pain. Yeah. You know, if you don't ask questions. Yeah. If you don't ask questions, if you're not curious.

[00:58:18] Eldar: Yeah. If you don't wanna do it, quote unquote the right way. Yeah. Then yeah, you, you go through it, you go through it by yourself, and now you have an outstanding bag that you're carrying. Right? Yeah. And it, and it has some weight in it. Carry it. 

[00:58:33] Eldar: Thanks man. Yeah, for sure. 

[00:58:37] Eldar: Totally is tired of carrying all those bags.

[00:58:39] Eldar: What do you mean? That's what he's talking about. Good. He said I had, I had 

[00:58:42] Harris: enough. Good. It's time to hang up the bags, man. Unpack a little, yeah. 

[00:58:48] Toliy: Unpack a little Everything that I've been carrying, I need to give it to you. Yeah. 

[00:58:51] Eldar: Thank 

[00:58:51] Toliy: you so much. Is you the new, uh, mule around here? 

[00:58:53] Eldar: Do you understand this or no?

[00:58:54] Eldar: Yeah. He's a hundred percent right about this. Mm-hmm. This prophecy that he is doing right now, he's giving you the prophecy for your next 10 years. Thank you so much. Yeah. 

[00:59:01] Harris: Yeah. Your, your 10 years are up. 

[00:59:03] Eldar: Yeah. His 10 years sentence, his 10 years up, he's giving it to you now he's passing it down to you. 

[00:59:10] Harris: You got out of the prison.

[00:59:12] Harris: Okay. I'm proud of you, man. 

[00:59:13] Eldar: Yeah. You are gonna be carrying his rocks. 

[00:59:16] Harris: I'm going in prison now, but it's not really his rocks. It's your rocks. Yeah. 

[00:59:20] Eldar: Thanks, man. Yeah. 

[00:59:22] Harris: Well, now they're my rocks. They were his rocks in the past. No, 

[00:59:25] Eldar: no. It's, you've had them too. You just, you weren't aware of them. He's aware of them that he's throwing them away and now he's gonna try to help you with becoming aware of them yourself.

[00:59:35] Eldar: And it goes and goes, and goes and goes. But yeah, 

[00:59:38] Mike: everybody's carrying the same rocks at this all at the same time. I think so. Yeah. It's funny. I think 

[00:59:44] Eldar: so. I think so. To some degree they're Why are you taking pictures of your man? That's weird. So 

[00:59:52] Harris: man, guys. 

[00:59:54] Eldar: Yeah. With my grandma cloth. Anything else Reg, uh, about this?

[00:59:58] Eldar: About how we change as people, why we should change? Why should we change? Mm-hmm. Why does it take so long sometimes to change 

[01:00:06] Harris: It's change inevitable. 

[01:00:09] Eldar: That's a good question. I think it is. It is. But sometimes you always 

[01:00:13] Harris: say you can die. Huh? Trying to change. 

[01:00:16] Eldar: Oh, that's still change, right? 

[01:00:17] Mike: Change. Inevitable change and go from being alive to not being alive.

[01:00:20] Mike: But, uh, change is inevitable, but not always under our control. Right? Yeah. A lot of times we go on journeys that we are not. We don't feel, we don't, we don't understand how we landed there and we don't believe we deserve to be where we landed. Right. Like all these funny things. Yeah. Yeah. You know? Oh, thanks.

[01:00:39] Mike: Yeah. What the hell? Yeah. I think it's interesting. Yeah. It is interesting that, uh, change is always, I mean, it's always, change is always changing, you know? Yeah. Things are always changing, but Yeah. When you, when you do, I don't know. When you behave ignorant, ignorantly change is not by your choice when you behave well, it's the opposite of ignorance, uh, intelligently or Oh yeah.

[01:01:11] Mike: Smart. You have much more choice of the changes that come. 

[01:01:18] Eldar: Yeah. You have more of a choice. Yeah. In the matter. Yeah. Rather than not. Yeah. The more you pay attention. Yeah. The more she'll do it. 

[01:01:30] Harris: Trying to get my girl calm down, man. 

[01:01:32] Eldar: Well, I, I just explained to you the, the answer to this. 

[01:01:36] Harris: Mike has a way to just pick her up and get her to stop, man.

[01:01:39] Eldar: Yeah. But I think everybody can do that. Yeah. If anybody picks her, picks her up here, she'll stop. Do you agree with this or no? Yeah. 

[01:01:47] Harris: Oh, okay. She's a babyish. Yeah. So, all right. Uh, you guys not saying anything. Totally is quiet, man. He, he, he 

[01:02:00] Harris: is been quiet, man. He's saying a lot though. He's pissed. He's pissed.

[01:02:02] Harris: He's pissed. 

[01:02:03] Eldar: Of course 

[01:02:04] Harris: he's pissed. Why is he pissed? He has to surrender. Good. The, the, the Japan had to s man, 

[01:02:11] Eldar: he tried so long. He tried so long. He tried so hard. Yeah. To prove his theory. 

[01:02:16] Harris: You're, you're Japan right now, man. You lost, gotta surrender to the US man. What 

[01:02:19] Eldar: a 

[01:02:19] Harris: loser.

[01:02:24] Eldar: Is he happy about that or no? 

[01:02:25] Harris: No. Why not? This is just another war, man. You throwing in the white flag. You gotta surrender to the US man. We dominated you. 

[01:02:34] Harris: Yeah. 

[01:02:35] Harris: Japan, Germany.

[01:02:43] Harris: Hey, you gotta think about it, man. You might be Japan, but I died on the front lines back in World War I, man. That's right. I fucking World War I. World War II War. 

[01:02:53] Eldar: It was all you've done it all. Vietnam. You did it all. Vietnam. 

[01:02:57] Harris: Back in my day in Vietnam. Mm-hmm. Baba was there. No pretending. Dan 

[01:03:03] Eldar: Dammit. Paris.

[01:03:04] Eldar: Gimme, gimme some final thoughts on this topic. 

[01:03:06] Toliy: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 thing I was like thinking about, right. Um, I don't know if it'll happen. Hmm. You know, uh, I was thinking 'cause everyone has like a, like a very particular like, uh. Idea and like, understanding of me and how I act and talk, right? Mm-hmm. And if I, like, I, I, I, I don't know how, how well I will be at practicing obviously this, so we'll have to see.

[01:03:36] Toliy: Um, like, I'm wondering if, if, if it'll be so weird to people if, if they'll, if they'll like, um, ask for the, the other stuff. Like again, 

[01:03:53] Harris: what do you mean weird? 

[01:03:54] Toliy: Like, 

[01:03:55] Eldar: like, uh, like, uh, like it'll be very di different. Um, I think, 

[01:04:03] Harris: how so? I don't understand. 

[01:04:05] Toliy: Like, it, it, I mean, it'll be a different, like, like persona almost, you know?

[01:04:09] Toliy: Yeah. But the better one, no. Yeah. 

[01:04:12] Harris: But so why would, why would somebody, why would somebody settle for less? Well, unless they deserve it. 

[01:04:19] Toliy: Why, why? Well, I think part of like the, um, the idea of like the pain and like the, the, the thing to, to figure it out is addicting a bit. No. 

[01:04:31] Harris: Okay. So what does that have to do with anything?

[01:04:33] Eldar: No. Okay. No, what you're saying is that they might have to summon that old self of yours. Yeah. Like it, like, yeah. Like 

[01:04:42] Toliy: if, if it's um, requested uhhuh, like Yeah. Don't know what'll 

[01:04:49] Eldar: happen afterwards.

[01:04:55] Eldar: Okay. 

[01:04:56] Harris: Well only time will tell. 

[01:04:57] Eldar: Yeah, 

[01:04:58] Harris: yeah, 

[01:04:58] Eldar: yeah. 

[01:04:59] Harris: Those are your final thoughts. Sure. Mike. It doesn't have anything else to say, man. 

[01:05:07] Harris: He is bamboozled himself. That's good, man. 

[01:05:10] Eldar: Uh, 

[01:05:11] Harris: I'm proud of you, man, taking your first step in transition.

[01:05:19] Harris: I'm 

[01:05:19] Toliy: now going to become 

[01:05:20] Harris: a dike. Oh shit. It's about time you come out of the damn closet, bro. Mike, 

[01:05:28] Mike: final thoughts? No, I think I said, um, I said everything I was, uh, wanted to say

[01:05:39] Eldar: during the podcast. Mm-hmm. Bless 

[01:05:43] Harris: us. Blesses, oh Lord. For I have sinned, uh, I'm hereby gonna take a fart to the face by the prophets Eldar of Elder Aism. Mm-hmm. Uh, yeah. It's gonna be a long journey. 

[01:06:03] Eldar: Uh, you believe that? Yeah. How long? I ain't done dunno

[01:06:11] Eldar: until I get on my knees, man. 

[01:06:13] Toliy: And pray to God. What? What? That's gonna be a long journey. 

[01:06:17] Harris: Huh? 

[01:06:17] Toliy: What's gonna be a long journey? 

[01:06:19] Harris: I don't know. Until I get my life in fucking order, man. Transforming into a human until I get my life in order. My life is in hell right now. I'm in hell. I see I how long burning pits of hell as in like, um, Johnny Cash song.

[01:06:35] Harris: Mm-hmm. 

[01:06:36] Toliy: But how long? 

[01:06:37] Harris: I can't tell you that. 

[01:06:38] Toliy: But everybody has some kind of projection now. Are there? 

[01:06:42] Harris: Well, that's interesting. He doesn't have one. Don't. I don't see the light man. Not yet. Mm-hmm. 

[01:06:48] Eldar: I think if, if you're seeing the fact that like, yeah. If he's seeing the fact that this is gonna be a long journey and he doesn't know how long, I think that's a very good perspective.

[01:06:56] Eldar: I think it's a sobering and realistic perspective per, I made 

[01:06:59] Harris: the mistakes of giving myself timeframes, like, oh yeah, it's only gonna be here. Oh no. You know what? A year passed. It's gonna be two. Yeah. 

[01:07:06] Toliy: But why, why continue to do it? I guess if you don't know, like, like, well, he stopped. 

[01:07:10] Harris: He says he doesn't want 

[01:07:11] Toliy: do.

[01:07:11] Toliy: So I gave in. Well, like, what, what if it never changes, 

[01:07:16] Mike: then I'm gonna die. Well, what do you mean it never changes? How your, has your quality of life improved since you started working here? That's 

[01:07:25] Eldar: true too. Yeah. Yeah. What do you mean 

[01:07:28] Mike: never changes? What Never changes? What? There's no end goal here. There's no destination.

[01:07:33] Toliy: Yeah. No, but like the, um, the quality of life is not, um, um, it's not consciously appreciated by the person who's suffering in that kind of way. Yeah. He does have 

[01:07:45] Eldar: a reflection moments. Yeah. Like he, on his birthday once a year, maybe he can have one. That's, that's 

[01:07:49] Mike: universal for everybody. When you're in a, a suffering state, you can't reflect all men saying, you know, I'm suffering with this, but my life is so good everywhere else that, no, but I'm not even 

[01:07:57] Toliy: saying that.

[01:07:57] Toliy: I'm talking about like day to day. 

[01:07:59] Harris: What do you mean? Why do I keep doing it? Why do I keep what, why do I keep coming here? Well, no, like 

[01:08:07] Toliy: setting, setting timelines. You were saying that, um, you used to set timelines, you Yeah. That used to set timelines, and then I guess you weren't meeting them, right? It sounds like.

[01:08:15] Harris: Yeah. And then I let myself down and I just kind of said, fuck it. You know? I mean, right. Geez, lifer, I, I set timelines on what I wanted to make my, my sales goals, you know? 

[01:08:31] Harris: Yeah. 

[01:08:32] Harris: You know, unrealistic. And every time I did it, I let myself down. I felt like shit, you know, at my pity parties, you know,

[01:08:48] Harris: I just make myself depressed. All right. 

[01:08:52] Toliy: Yeah. I feel like it's hard to, like you think he's, you think he's lying? I don't, I mean, I mean, I don't know if he's lying. Um, like, I just feel like it's hard to, it's not, 

[01:09:01] Mike: it's not, he is lying. It's, this is a normal phenomenon, I think. 

[01:09:05] Eldar: Oh, that's progress. That's change.

[01:09:07] Eldar: That's learning. And when 

[01:09:07] Mike: you're in the moment and you were thinking and your reasoning, you're gonna say that when you go out here and you face a little stress from your dad, stress from your bills, stress from your girlfriend, whatever stress you have. 

[01:09:19] Harris: Yeah. 

[01:09:20] Mike: Then you like, fuck that. But that's life. Life is also moment to moment.

[01:09:25] Mike: One day, one day you're driving to work, everything's good, and then somebody c crashes into you. You're not like, yeah, life is so great. I'm so happy I got into accident. Right? You're like, oh man, it's fucked up and be late to work. 

[01:09:35] Harris: Yeah. You think David was going, oh, life's great. I'm delivering breathes. And then next thing you know, someone, he hits a fucking car that's parked there.

[01:09:42] Harris: Oh shit. I broke my neck. This is great, man. 

[01:09:45] Toliy: No, what I'm saying is that like, um, the day-to-day commitment to do something, um, without seeing light at the end of the tunnel, I think is difficult. Um, sometimes 

[01:09:58] Harris: you just gotta 

[01:09:59] Toliy: like to, to like to have that ongoing Well, no, like you like. Like, um, to, to to truly, to truly do that, you need to really be, I think in a, um, like a, like a state of, I don't know, 

[01:10:15] Eldar: right?

[01:10:16] Eldar: Mm-hmm. I think he just explained to you the state of, I don't know, for that moment. 

[01:10:19] Harris: Yeah. I don't know how long it's gonna take. I can't say, I don't know, you know, to everything I can tell you, I don't know how long it's gonna take. Um, and I don't know if it's e ever gonna take, you know, right now, you know, you just kind of Rolling with the punches.

[01:10:34] Harris: Yeah, rolling with the punches. Uh, 

[01:10:36] Harris: yeah. 

[01:10:37] Harris: I guess kind of trusting the process a little bit. 

[01:10:40] Toliy: Thought trust was dead, man. 

[01:10:42] Harris: Well, in this instinct it's not. 

[01:10:44] Eldar: It's the, for the lack of better word. 

[01:10:46] Harris: Yeah. For lack of better word, you know, uh, that's 

[01:10:48] Eldar: how you repel the mosquitoes when they start buzzing at you. 

[01:10:52] Harris: I just, like I said, I gotta get on my knees and, uh, look the prophet in the face.

[01:10:57] Harris: I say please and say, uh, please hit me with that fart. Uh, hit me, you know, with that so fart. Hit me one baby one more time. Yo, you don't gotta make it weird, man. All fine. And, uh, 

[01:11:10] Eldar: should they gimme a lap dance? Who? Hit me baby? One more time. Uhhuh. Who was that? Katie 

[01:11:15] Harris: Perry? No, 

[01:11:17] Eldar: Britney Spears. 

[01:11:18] Harris: Oh, that's right.

[01:11:19] Harris: Eh, did she really? She did on stage. Oh, you, yeah, she danced with me. So that was a true story. This is a true story. This. He got a dance from a psychotic woman. I was 

[01:11:32] Eldar: trying to help her, but she wasn't 

[01:11:33] Harris: listening. You're trying to give her your caseworker talk. I mean, I saw baby, but you gotta put that knives down.

[01:11:39] Eldar: He was trying to throw part in her face. I think we gotta invite her. Yeah. I don't know. Are you crazy man? Like can you contact some of the people over there? I could tell Can you, can you contact her, make sure she brings that, I think it's time to bring her home. 

[01:11:49] Harris: Make sure she brings the bikini and those knives.

[01:11:52] Harris: And you want, you want to 

[01:11:53] Toliy: see all like that in her vulnerable state? Oh my God. And go ghost hunting right after. Whoa. 

[01:11:58] Harris: Maybe I'll take Brittany ghost hunting. Mm. That's what we're saying. Yeah. And her undies. Yay. I think she'd be down for that. I think so too. Yeah. She already shows off everything else. 

[01:12:09] Eldar: Yeah.

[01:12:09] Eldar: I think she'll be in good hands with you. Yeah, I think so too. Yeah. Alright. 

[01:12:15] Harris: Um, 

[01:12:17] Harris: I think you

[01:12:22] Eldar: All right guys. Well, my final thoughts are, this is gonna be very interesting, obviously, as always. Anytime anyone has some kind of epiphany or some kind of revelation. Mm-hmm. Seeing it, uh, put into practice is probably the coolest thing. Mm-hmm. Ever. Right? Because you can see people's change and they feel better and they become better.

[01:12:41] Eldar: And then obviously they can create more and do more and be happier. You know, I'm 

[01:12:45] Harris: going through, uh, my Socrates suffering. 

[01:12:48] Eldar: That's right. Everybody's on, on, on the journey and everybody's d on a different stage of their journey and that's okay. But thank you. This was great guys. Thank you so much.