185. Authentic Friendships- From Anxiety to Fun

How do you properly communicate in friendships?

In this episode, the host, joined by recurring guest Katherine, delves into the complexities of friendships, communication, and self-identity. The discussion spans identifying red flags in friendships, the importance of properly communicating one's true self, and the impact of personal anxieties on relationships. The conversation also explores the dynamics of male and female friendships, the role of curiosity and questioning, and ultimately concludes with the universal importance of having fun as the key to living a satisfying life. The episode emphasizes self-reflection, mindfulness, and the continuous journey of understanding oneself to improve interactions with others.

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Chapters

• 3:16 Mike's Insights on Friendships
• 31:18 The Importance of Mindfulness in Friendships
• 45:53 Facing Disrespect and Self-Reflection
• 1:21:29 Balancing Productivity and Well-Being
• 1:26:29 Evaluating Your Day
• 1:55:24 Effortless Joy vs. Anxiety
• 2:03:22 The Consequences of Skipping School
• 2:12:10 The Importance of Fun and Self-Reflection
• 2:26:41 Final Thoughts and Reflections

Transcript

[00:00:00] Eldar: On this week's episode, these types of things still keeps her vulnerable or compromised when it comes to properly communicating or presenting your true self in a friendship where you can pay attention to every single moment, every single word that is being said and why it's said 

[00:00:13] Mike: right away. You want to switch, get out of that depressed negative state of mind.

[00:00:17] So you look for the thing that's the fastest, like distraction. And a lot of times friendship could be that one, 

[00:00:25] Toliy: communicate better with others. That doesn't exist to me. You, you need to learn how to just know what's going on and communicate with yourself. Yeah. And know what you actually want and don't want.

[00:00:34] You're then communication with others becomes like extremely clear.

[00:00:42] Eldar: All right guys. Alright, another week we got Catherine again. AKA my love AKA cat, static cat and AKA cat. The Phoenix. Yes. As Warren Coin. Um, is it coined? Coined? Yeah. Coined. Coined. Yes. Mm-hmm. Um, today's topic. Thank you for coming again, babe. I think this is three times in a row. 

[00:01:07] Katherine: Three or four. 

[00:01:07] Eldar: Yeah. And some places like Reddit, if you go to like, you know, do certain things for like four days in a row, five days in a row, you get certain badges.

[00:01:14] Mike knows about this. Yes. Yeah. I'd like a batch saying we should implement like a, we should implement like a batch thing for Cat. Yeah. 

[00:01:21] Katherine: Yeah. 

[00:01:22] Eldar: Yes. So 

[00:01:22] Katherine: I don't know if you noticed it, but one of the reasons is, um. My mom moved away. I remember she used to visit like every other week. 

[00:01:30] Eldar: That's true too. Mm-hmm.

[00:01:31] I'd pick 

[00:01:31] Katherine: her up on Fridays and 

[00:01:32] Eldar: yeah. 

[00:01:33] Katherine: So I think that, 

[00:01:34] Eldar: no, I think that it was probably correlate to something else. Uh, when I took statistics that, and like things 

[00:01:38] Katherine: are going on with me and psychology 

[00:01:39] Eldar: and all this other stuff, a lot of times they, uh, they said that correlation does not mean causation. Right.

[00:01:44] Even though there's a correlation between your mom coming mm-hmm. And you not attending the podcast, right? Mm-hmm. Even you could have still attended the podcast if you really want to, wanted to of 

[00:01:53] Katherine: and I have. Yeah. And I'm pretty sure you've 

[00:01:55] Eldar: had, right? Yeah. So I'm sure even like the last 

[00:01:57] Katherine: weekend that she was here 

[00:01:58] Eldar: Yeah.

[00:01:58] Katherine: I came even though she was here. However, 

[00:02:00] Eldar: there are other things that are in the works right now. 

[00:02:02] Katherine: Yes. 

[00:02:03] Eldar: Right. Specifically to you. 

[00:02:04] Katherine: Yeah. 

[00:02:04] Eldar: Which I would be, I guess, more confident in tying to the correlation 

[00:02:10] Toliy: that you're talking about. There's other things on the grill. 

[00:02:12] Eldar: Yeah. There's other things on the grill and that's why I think Kat's coming and showing up, and I think that, you know, especially right now because of the state of mind that you're in.

[00:02:20] Mm-hmm. Which is a good one, right? Mm-hmm. It's a, it's, uh, inquisitive, it 

[00:02:25] Speaker 6: is self-reflection, 

[00:02:25] Eldar: self-reflection, and all this other stuff. Um, I tend to, to know that those people will come up probably with the most important topics of the day, right? Mm-hmm. And, and in your case, right, the topic is friendship for tonight.

[00:02:38] Uh, specifically on how to properly communicate with your friends. 

[00:02:43] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. How 

[00:02:43] Eldar: do you start a friendship properly? How do you end it? You know, if you need to end it. 

[00:02:47] Katherine: Yeah. 

[00:02:48] Eldar: Um, and what are some things in makeup, uh, behind the friendship and communication styles that we have? Yeah. When we, when we're friends, uh, and what are some results from those communication styles?

[00:02:59] Katherine: How, how not to like, overlook certain things that I might be like missing. Like certain seems 

[00:03:05] Eldar: like you are under underlining that several times is success. Yeah. 

[00:03:07] Katherine: Like, um, certain maybe little flags that might be coming up that like I'm not addressing or even noticing in the moment. 

[00:03:16] Eldar: Correct. You know, I'm glad that we have Mike here.

[00:03:19] I think that me and Mike have No, he's raised his hand just now. Just say I'm here. Yes. If you are on our YouTube, which we don't have. Yes. Uh, you would not have seen the mike raising his hand anyway, so. Correct. Don't try going over there right now. We like 

[00:03:30] Katherine: anonymity. 

[00:03:32] Eldar: Uh, no we don't. We just don't care. For now we're just, you know, so what is it called?

[00:03:36] We're slow creeping towards it. Yes. Uh, but yeah, I'm glad that Mike is here because I think Mike can, uh, can shed a lot of light when it comes to being in friendships where he overlooks certain things about a, you know, a person, a dynamic, and then slowly it leads to crossing the respect lines boundaries.

[00:03:58] Right. Next thing you know, people get ag at each other, um, and it slowly leads toward, towards a fallout. Mm-hmm. Right. So I think Mike can definitely relate, uh, and reflect on some of the stuff that he's been through, and also maybe provide you with some guidance. I think because some of the stuff that we found out at least right, was profound.

[00:04:18] And I think hopefully it was profound enough for Mike where he changed his life for the better and is now much more careful and observant as what you're talking about. Right. Um, with the friendships that he currently has and the new ones that he is gonna develop. So yeah. Mike, if you have an example of how you've been burned before for, for overlooking certain things, that would be helpful.

[00:04:41] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:04:41] Eldar: Talk a little bit about this phenomenon. Mm-hmm. Right. And maybe Ka can relate a little bit and mm-hmm. And get some insight from that. 

[00:04:47] Mike: Yeah. Um, yeah, yeah, for sure. I have a lot of examples. Um, 

[00:04:56] Speaker 7: but I think

[00:05:00] one that, uh, comes to mind is 

[00:05:05] Mike: I don't, I mean, I don't know, I don't know one, but I just think like friendship is an interesting thing, um, because

[00:05:15] you don't sit down like in a thing and be like, Hey, this is who I am as a friend. This is what, like, the terms and conditions are like whatever of my friendship and my engagement, how I interact and stuff. Like, you, you like, uh, you kind of get in the car and you go in together and you get you figuring it out.

[00:05:35] The kind of the way it's gonna go on the way, like the friendship is like, uh. Evolving as you guys are interacting. And I think, um, a lot of times there's signals that other people who are your friend or in the process of developing friendship, they're giving you, but for many reasons you don't pay attention to them.

[00:06:04] You choose not to. Uh, you can't, you know, so I think those are like the big factors, like can you give, go into some specifics, 

[00:06:13] Eldar: Mike? 

[00:06:13] Mike: Yeah, yeah. Specifics, 

[00:06:14] Eldar: uh, some of the specifics that actually, you know, hold you away from, you know, being your true self or maybe picking up on certain things that makes certain things.

[00:06:22] What are some, at least your personal, um, specifics that you went and overlooked certain friendships, reasons why? Yeah. 

[00:06:30] Mike: Oh, like from 

[00:06:31] Katherine: like, like what did you overlook And, and why, and why? 

[00:06:34] Mike: Well, I don't think I consciously overlooked it, but in the moment, like, uh, I was probably lonely. I wanted to like, maybe get outta the house mm-hmm.

[00:06:42] And go do something. Right? So that was a big reason that I would like, get into, uh, into like, relationships, friendships, and that would turn out poorly. 'cause like I was running away from certain problems that I was facing in my house, for example, or within myself. And I needed to distract myself with doing something.

[00:07:05] Speaker 4: Hmm. 

[00:07:06] Mike: So it didn't really matter, like. 

[00:07:09] Eldar: You just connected to probably 99% of the world with that statement. 

[00:07:13] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:07:15] Eldar: They probably didn't hear it yet. Yeah. But 

[00:07:18] Mike: yeah. Yeah. I think like, um, in life in general, in generally, not just in trenches, but overall the big danger is running from yourself, you know? And there's many ways to do it.

[00:07:34] Friendship was one of them for me, um, because I was always a buzzer, but Can you explain what that is? Yeah. What, 

[00:07:42] Katherine: what does that mean? 

[00:07:43] Mike: A buzzer is a person who's like, can't stay still. They want to do shit constantly, make plans. Um, I used to like make plans while we make, while we're in plans, you know, for the next plans.

[00:07:53] Like 

[00:07:54] Eldar: yes, I remember that one. That was very good. Yeah. That was a superpower. Superpower. Yeah. It's like planning a meal after a meal. I'm not gonna point any meal or 

[00:08:03] Katherine: planning a meal during a meal. 

[00:08:05] Mike: Yes, yes, yes, yes. Sometimes you can even skip meals. Yes. And just jump from like breakfast to next to the next week dinner.

[00:08:13] Eldar: So yeah. There might or might not be a culprit in this room. 

[00:08:15] Mike: Might not be or might be Correct. Nobody's gonna volunteer. Yeah. So, uh, I definitely was big on making plans while, while in plans, like doing stuff. Mm-hmm. Because, uh, I guess now I think about it, it's also because when you're. Like the ultimate general statement, like the blanket statement is when you're not like, uh, focusing on your own stuff, Uhhuh, you're not happy with your own stuff, you're always gonna look for things to distract you, you're gonna look for things to stay busy, um, and you're just gonna keep running and whatever keeps you running, 

[00:08:58] Eldar: you're running from someone, 

[00:08:59] Mike: from yourself.

[00:09:00] Yeah. 

[00:09:00] Eldar: Because you're scared of yourself, 

[00:09:01] Mike: because you're scared to face yourself, you know, whatever reasons you have. Everybody has their own reasons. Correct? Like, um, uh, fear of slowing down, I don't know. That's the securities whatever, insecurities. Yeah. So the goal is to stay busy and ob and obviously friendship is a avenue because if you, there's always something to do.

[00:09:22] There's always something to do. And usually, you know, you don't, you pick friends that you kind of like enjoy having a good time with. You're not gonna pick like, friends that are assholes that you don't wanna spend time with. 

[00:09:30] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. You 

[00:09:31] Mike: gonna pick people that you enjoy with. So like, who's not down to have a good time rather than 

[00:09:35] Speaker 8: Yeah.

[00:09:35] Mike: Sit at home or be by yourself thinking about your own problems, you know? 

[00:09:40] Speaker 8: Yeah. 

[00:09:41] Mike: But the thing that comes with that, it's almost like a maybe 

[00:09:49] part of the gig is that by you, like, uh, running from yourself, you, you receive like this kind of. 

[00:10:03] I don't know if it's punishment, but you receive this kind of thing mm-hmm.

[00:10:06] Where you are willing to eat shit. I love it. In like a, I love it. Not in a physical sense for those who need a clarification. Yes. Those, there's a lot probably that would Yes, yes. Cat's a little confused right now. 

[00:10:21] Katherine: Well, I'm having a hard time focusing. I'm trying. 

[00:10:23] Mike: Okay. Yeah. What happens is you allow people to disrespect you without even knowing it, because you're like, yo, and obviously this happens subconsciously, but you tell yourself like, Hey, this is right now the sub, you're talking to the 

[00:10:35] Eldar: subconscious.

[00:10:36] Yes, babe. Pay close attention. Yeah. 

[00:10:38] Katherine: I'm, I'm paying attention right now. 

[00:10:40] Eldar: Okay. He's diagnosing exactly what you suffer from. 

[00:10:42] Katherine: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

[00:10:43] Eldar: Okay. If you really understand it one day, you'll be scared of it, and when you become scared of it enough, you're gonna be like, I don't want this anymore. You gonna, well, this 

[00:10:50] Katherine: moment 

[00:10:51] Eldar: run far away from it.

[00:10:52] I 

[00:10:52] Katherine: don't want it. 

[00:10:53] Eldar: Well, that's what you said, because 

[00:10:54] Katherine: I've been, I I've been, let him explain 

[00:10:55] Eldar: it 

[00:10:56] Mike: to you. What's actually going on. 

[00:10:57] Katherine: I've experienced it. 

[00:10:58] Mike: Yeah. So when you sign up to go do something, uh, at the expense of like facing your own truth or facing your problems, things that you need to do, when you run from yourself, what happens is you are willing to take that, whatever, like outlet will let you hide for as long as possible, whether it's friendship or something else, because there's many, uh, which our will hide.

[00:11:24] And the friendship specifically, you will allow that person to kind of shit on you, you know, because. You are like, Hey, this person is allowing me to like be a bi, like a be a criminal. I'm not gonna call them out because then I have to find somebody else who's gonna allow me to be a criminal. And this is very subconscious.

[00:11:44] It doesn't, like, you don't make these plans like, hey, this is what's gonna happen. But this is actually like what happens. 

[00:11:50] Katherine: I just wanna clarify, like by being a criminal, it's because like you have your own explain. Can you explain that? 

[00:11:55] Mike: Yeah. Like being a criminal. Yeah. Like go flow, you're 

[00:11:58] Eldar: going in the right direction.

[00:12:00] This is very important. Mm-hmm. But go flow, digest it. Like really? Yeah. You have to understand that. Yeah. Like everything that you're using, the words that you are using, it's uh, what we usually speak. Yes. And I already know not everyone doesn't, 

[00:12:12] Mike: I'm doesn't speak this language. Language. Yes. Okay. I'll try to.

[00:12:15] I'm also buzz up. Gotta layman terms. Come on. I'm drinking this spiked water. Nice. Same. Yeah, because cat right now Ka is playing 

[00:12:24] Eldar: catch up. Okay, got it. Like it's a far catch 

[00:12:27] Katherine: as they say. Tell it to tell me. Yeah. Five tell me that. Like I'm a 5-year-old. 

[00:12:31] Eldar: Correct. You know, and also also for everyone else listening.

[00:12:34] Yes. 

[00:12:34] Katherine: That doesn't know your language. 

[00:12:36] Eldar: Yeah. So me and totally can read your mind, 

[00:12:40] Katherine: right? Yeah. Cat can't. Okay. You guys are telepathic. 

[00:12:42] Mike: So you are committing like, um, like you're doing a bad thing towards yourself, right? Of the service. Such is service, which is what in the moment, what am I doing by, by not facing your problems and running away from them.

[00:12:56] You going to hide. And, and, and there's, like I said, there's many avenues that we hide people. So, so in this 

[00:13:01] Katherine: situation, you going out to hang out with like X person, let's call 'em X, right? Mm-hmm. Is because in the moment you wanted to maybe run away from something at home Yes. Or not dealing with something yourself.

[00:13:12] Correct. So you'd look for an outlet which is hanging out with a friend. 

[00:13:16] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:13:16] Katherine: Okay. So then that's, that's kind of like 

[00:13:20] Mike: the thing. Then the reason you do that is because when you're sitting at home, right? And this happens like on a snap. Mm-hmm. So fast base like sting is you get a negative thought and you start feeling bad because you start reflecting, you are home alone and you, you have a moment of reflection and you remember something that you did that, or something that makes you feel bad, sad, depressed, whatever.

[00:13:45] Right? You remember that And right away what's the people's most common reaction? They can't think about it. They can't face it. They have to like get outta that state of mind. And we are good at preserving ourselves. The mind is made a certain way, you know, like it seeks for the, that's the philosophy.

[00:14:03] Don't go that way. The path of least resistance. Don't go into the James world now. Fine. Yeah. And all James, so you, you right away you wanna switch and like get out of that depressed negative state of mind. So you look for the thing that's the fastest like. Distraction. And a lot of times friendship could be that one.

[00:14:27] So you know what you The outlet? Yeah, the outlet. So what do you do? You pick up a phone and you call, see who's doing shit, who's doing what, you know? Mm-hmm. See who's available to hang out. And then it's like you're buzzing again. You're happy again because you need, you, like, you're not thinking about your depression, your, your stress, your anxiety, whatever.

[00:14:45] You know, the problems that you're facing, but you're just, um, now you're excited because you're gonna go hang out and you're no longer thinking about what was causing you that momentary, like, 

[00:14:58] Katherine: so it's like on demand distraction. Yes. Boom. You did, you, you found a distraction. 

[00:15:04] Eldar: Correct. And, okay, let me, I understand.

[00:15:06] Yeah. This is a very important transition. I think as soon as if you feel this way, right, you buzz in and you whatever, all of a sudden you don't want to feel the way you're feeling because it's negative emotion or whatever, and you're using a crutch like friendship or someone else to come and distract you.

[00:15:20] Um, in that friendship or whatever's going on, you're not gonna be receptive because you're still compromised. You understand 

[00:15:29] Katherine: with your thoughts or your issues with still your thoughts that you bring in, in, instead, the stuff that you're running away from, from 

[00:15:33] Eldar: correct mo, most likely you're go in there and, you know, to hide from that stuff.

[00:15:38] So naturally you're not gonna be your true self or very receptive. 

[00:15:41] Speaker 8: Yes. 

[00:15:42] Eldar: And what's gonna happen because you're not very receptive, right? 

[00:15:45] Katherine: Mm-hmm. 

[00:15:45] Eldar: Some of the stuff that might come through your airways, right? It could be negative, it could be positive or whatever positive you might, whatever. Oh, this is nice.

[00:15:53] Katherine: You're not catching it. 

[00:15:54] Eldar: The negative is you're not gonna start catching it. Right. The reason why is that, because you entered that relationship or that moment already on the back foot. You understand? Yeah. Mm-hmm. So you can't assert any type of attention. You can't assert attention level that's needed in order to really check every single thing that's coming through.

[00:16:15] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[00:16:15] Eldar: Because you kind of like, well, I'm here. It's, I'm already safe on the other stuff. 

[00:16:19] Katherine: Mm-hmm. Can I add one thing? I'm, I'm, I'm thinking about what you guys are saying and I'm thinking to myself, I just noticed about myself that like, I'm more cautious of that when I meet someone new, I pay much more attention Yeah.

[00:16:36] Than with someone that I already have, um, like a longstanding friendship, let's say. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I think that even, even if those things are being said or whatever, they're like maybe flying by, flying by, because I don't expect it because I trust that person already. 

[00:16:52] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:16:52] Katherine: I consider them my friend, family, you know, whatever it is.

[00:16:55] But with a new person, I'm very like, very cautious. Yeah. And I pay much closer attention. So like, why is that happening only with a new person versus an like someone who's already like existing in my life? Ultimately, 

[00:17:10] Eldar: you have a bad gait. Yeah. You are a bad gatekeeper. 

[00:17:13] Katherine: Mm-hmm. 

[00:17:14] Eldar: Okay. So the, when you are under that impression that the person is close to you, right?

[00:17:19] You already let them in. Yeah. Who, who let them in? 

[00:17:23] Katherine: Yeah. Like there's no more bouncer at the door anymore, correct? 

[00:17:25] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Who let them in? Most likely 

[00:17:28] Katherine: me 

[00:17:28] Eldar: an anxious, scared person. 

[00:17:30] Katherine: Yeah. 

[00:17:31] Eldar: And if you let them in, in that state, you'll let a lot of stuff in. And now those individuals can do whatever the, whatever the fuck they want, you know, under your watch until you wake up and you're like, oh shit, that hurt too much.

[00:17:44] I can't take that. What's going on here? And that's what's going on with you most of the time. 

[00:17:48] Speaker 4: Hmm. 

[00:17:49] Eldar: Mike should be notorious for this. Every time he met new friends, everything is fucking jolly. It's fucking fireworks me and totally in the corner. Maybe sometimes Tolio we get compromised with certain relationships.

[00:18:02] I don't know which ones. I can reference some if you really want to. Um, but I might be in the corner, right? I'm like cautious on the friendship or whatever. Mike and totally are buzzing, or Mike is buzzing, you know, because I already see certain things that people said people did, and I paid attention to it.

[00:18:19] And I'm like, okay, wait a second. Let's continue to watch this. To observe this, to see where this lands. Mike's already in, he's already there. Kid's babysitter. Okay. He, Mike knows the example. Yeah, of course. You know what I mean? And next thing you know. When shit hits does hit the fan. I'm not involved, I'm just watching this whole time.

[00:18:40] I don't have a relationship. Nobody can touch me. I'm immune to the disease that they're about to spread. But Mike isn't. Mike is compromised. He's already the babysitter. So he ought to be held responsible so people get out of their face and call him out like, yo, why aren't you doing this? Why aren't you doing that with my kids?

[00:18:58] Or whatever, you know? 'cause Mike already got in and allowed himself to, to kind of be in that role. 

[00:19:04] Katherine: Like he allowed himself to, to even be perceived or to be put in that position, correct. Mm-hmm. That somebody is okay. 

[00:19:09] Eldar: Mm-hmm. To be able to do this or hold them accountable for this or whatever it is. Mm-hmm.

[00:19:14] Katherine: And now they're holding him accountable or something. Yeah. And Mike's like technically didn't sign up for it. Timeout. 

[00:19:19] Eldar: I was just trying to have fun and like hide, play, hide and seek here. You know what I mean? 

[00:19:23] Speaker 9: I 

[00:19:23] Eldar: think I 

[00:19:24] Speaker 9: know what you guys are 

[00:19:24] Eldar: talking about. Yeah. Next thing you know, you are like, oh shit.

[00:19:27] He got punched in the face and he wasn't even looking. Yeah. I, I could have told him that. I'm like, I knew these people do punch in the face sometimes, but only when people are not looking. Because when people are looking, they don't like it, they stay away from me. You know? 

[00:19:41] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[00:19:43] Eldar: So Mike got punched in the face and he is like, oh shit.

[00:19:47] This is not the only time that he got punched in the face. He knew to get punched another time in the face and another time in the face, and another time in the face. 

[00:19:53] Katherine: I mean, sometimes it has to happen several times to this. Yes. In order to 

[00:19:56] Eldar: finally be like, yo, this actually hurts. Yeah. Uh, this is not a place that I want to be.

[00:20:02] You know, and I need to change something about that, but the 

[00:20:04] Mike: pain of the other side is still much worse than that punch in the face. So I think sometimes Yeah. So you stretch it. So you stretch it and it also, 

[00:20:15] Eldar: uh, so there a direct correlation between the two. 

[00:20:18] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[00:20:19] Eldar: You see what he just said? This is so important.

[00:20:21] Katherine: Yeah. You, I said the, the punch in the face hurts less being alone than the other, than the other side of being alone. Alone with your thoughts or whatever. 

[00:20:30] Speaker 7: Correct. 

[00:20:30] Katherine: See, like I wanna, like, I wanna relate that to me, for example, Don. Oh, a hundred percent. I don't have the, the, the, the situation where like it's Saturday night and I'm not doing anything.

[00:20:41] Like, you guys literally watch UFC every single Saturday. Mm-hmm. I could use that opportunity to like, you know, go here. So I don't do that. I don't like pick up and like Yeah. You know, my friends don't even live in the same state that I do, for example, you know? Mm-hmm. So it's not like that easy. And I'm not really willing to go to like New York just 'cause, you know, I have a few, couple, I'd rather be home with the dogs and just hang out, you know?

[00:21:01] Well, that's not true. I don't do it in the moment. Yeah, yeah. To say, Hey, I, I'm running away in this moment. A lot of times it's like in advance, you know, like, Hey, let's meet up in two weeks, or Hey, let's, let's put this on the calendar, right? Mm-hmm. 

[00:21:14] Speaker 4: So 

[00:21:15] Katherine: it's, it's like a kind of like a moment that I do look forward to.

[00:21:19] Um, it's a break from the routine. Something different. Mm-hmm. Um, to, you know, hang out with a friend, let's say versus in the moment. But I do, I do have distractions that I do in the moment. Yeah. Like I put on a show, I put on a Yeah. Like I mm-hmm. I love watching like a show or something. So I do have a distraction Yes.

[00:21:36] In the moment that, um, 

[00:21:38] Mike: yeah. That I rely on. But ultimately, like the friendship is like a, I was saying, um, earlier, is that that's just one outlet. But if you sit down and you think, and if we all sat and like listed, we can all list a bunch of our own outlets that we use, our own outlets. Yeah. That are basically just friendship is not just a, uh, in, in the unhealthy ones, it's not actually, it's not just a friendship, it's an escape.

[00:22:03] So you can escape through a friendship, but it's not really only that you can escape. I don't know. Uh, going out to eat, going shopping. 

[00:22:15] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[00:22:16] Mike: Even like your thing, right? Mm-hmm. Like, uh, the calendar thing that you do, the crazy scheduling thing. Mm-hmm. To me, that's crazy. Mm-hmm. You know, but that might be for you, that kind of keeps you like, uh, organized, but it also may be providing 

[00:22:30] Speaker 4: mm-hmm.

[00:22:30] Mike: Another side also anxiety because of that schedule and like, sticking to it and like, so it's like it serves a purpose, but it could also be not serving your purpose on the other end. Just like a friendship 

[00:22:42] Speaker 8: back. Yeah. 

[00:22:42] Mike: You know? Mm-hmm. You would think it serves a purpose, but also what are the terms and conditions of that interaction?

[00:22:49] Is it, uh, like. And a lot of things that we use, there's many things that we use that distract ourselves, you know, and 

[00:22:57] Speaker 4: mm-hmm. 

[00:22:57] Mike: It's not just friendship. So maybe, yeah. For you friendship, like, um, is not as big one as it was for me. It might be something else, you know? Right. 

[00:23:06] Speaker 6: Yeah. 

[00:23:06] Mike: Something that you, you do without thinking it's automatic too.

[00:23:10] No, 

[00:23:10] Eldar: I, I think even though she's scheduling these friendships a week, I mean, meetups with friends a week or two in advance. Yeah. I definitely don't see out friends often. Mm-hmm. Right. I think that Catherine is that type of person where she needs something to look forward to. Yes. Okay. Well, that's 

[00:23:22] Mike: why reference calendar.

[00:23:24] Yeah. I like it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That thing, yeah. Is a, like a, is like a, um, avenue of like relieving stress or anxiety, but not, doesn't really solve the Yeah. Stress or anxiety. It just like, uh, appeases it is like, I don't know, keeps it at bay, keeps it, keeps it at 

[00:23:38] Eldar: bay for the moment. For the moment. Mm-hmm. Right.

[00:23:40] Because like, look, I know like we have a lots going on, but like, just in the week we're going to Greece. 

[00:23:44] Speaker 8: Yeah. 

[00:23:45] Eldar: Or just in the week we're going this like, like we're just, just hang in there. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. So she almost always lives in the future for the future moment. Yes. Yes. That is not even present.

[00:23:53] Yes. Right. You know, because the present moment is scary or she doesn't, it's, so these types of events or these types of things are still. Keeps her vulnerable or compromised mm-hmm. When it comes to properly communicating or presenting your true self in the friendship. Yeah. Where you can, you know, uh, pay attention to every single moment, every single word that is being said.

[00:24:12] Mm-hmm. And why it's said. Yeah. You know, um, obviously we've conditioned ourselves, at least within our group, right, where we're like, we hang on to every word mm-hmm. Because we know that as, as soon as you say the word in the very specific way, you'll mean either this or that, or let's get some clarity on this.

[00:24:28] Mm-hmm. Because it's gonna be very interesting as to how each word lands and how you, you structured it, and why you chose to say the word that you, you know, that you've choose of course chosen for that moment. Mm-hmm. We have that dynamic. Yeah. Right. Because we've been doing this for quite some time, and I think it's the most interesting one, and I think that's the way it's so supposed to be.

[00:24:46] Right. But the people that are kind of pass passing us by or passers by. Right. Um. Baby. Good. 

[00:24:54] Katherine: Yeah. I'm just really looking for the, the nutrition label on this 

[00:24:59] Eldar: after you drank the whole thing. 

[00:25:00] Katherine: No, I didn't drink the whole thing. I probably drank half. 

[00:25:03] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:25:03] Katherine: But I'm shocked that like a product doesn't have Yeah.

[00:25:06] This, that, 

[00:25:07] Eldar: yeah. What I'm trying to, I'm trying to draw, babe, the, the contrast between a dynamic with me and Totally. And Mike, for example, where we can hang on onto every word that we say. Mm-hmm. Because we're holding ourselves to, or each other as well, to a very high standard of choosing words carefully in order to mean exactly same thing, the thing that you are meaning mm-hmm.

[00:25:26] With those words. Otherwise, there's gonna be confusion, there's gonna be areas of like weirdness and hurt and pain and all that stuff. 

[00:25:32] Speaker 4: Yeah. 

[00:25:33] Eldar: We have this ability and this become maybe like a norm, right. I would say to us, but to you and especially a person who doesn't have those type of close knit friendships 

[00:25:42] Speaker 4: mm-hmm.

[00:25:43] Eldar: Um, everything that's being said is kind of just flying by. Flying by as fast as possible. You can even read it, you know, where, to me if something as like the things that you've experienced, I don't know if you wanna share those actual examples, uh, would be big red flags right away. Mm-hmm. If I heard them right?

[00:26:01] Yeah. But you choose to, okay. I'm okay with this one. I'm okay with this one. I'm okay with this one. Oh. But then one day somebody says something, it's a punch in the face or the gut. Mm-hmm. And you're like, oh 

[00:26:10] Mike: yeah. Mm-hmm. But that's, that's, what are we doing now? That's always gonna happen and now you're on your back foot.

[00:26:15] That that thing is always gonna happen when you like, uh. Committing a crime against yourself by running from your problems. Yes. You sign up to say like, I'm going to this engagement. Mm-hmm. And I don't want to like, use my brain. If you want to like, you know, say it in like a mean way, but 

[00:26:31] Speaker 8: Yeah. 

[00:26:32] Mike: Because right now the thing is that the most scary thing is using your brain and using your thoughts.

[00:26:38] Speaker 8: Yeah. 

[00:26:38] Mike: So remember how you felt. So what you need to do is you need to quickly change the script. Yeah. Change what, what's the, what's going on. So you can forget about that. And, but when you do that, you like get into this engagement where thinking is not like 

[00:26:55] Eldar: priority. Priority. Before you say anything to, I'm gonna ask you a question.

[00:27:01] Speaker 4: Okay. 

[00:27:01] Eldar: Okay. Now, hopefully I can structure this question properly. And this is to Mike and totally. Obviously right now, because of the, the phenomena that think is happening here, does the pain that you 

[00:27:15] Speaker 7: commit against yourself or no, I'm sorry. 

[00:27:21] Eldar: Does the pain that you receive from the lesson Okay, has to be equal or more or less than the pain you commit against yourself in order to learn that, in order to lead yourself to that lesson?

[00:27:36] Katherine: Well, didn't Mike, Mike made the comment, 

[00:27:39] Eldar: is it equal to or is it more 

[00:27:41] Mike: I don't, he said, I don't think it could be ever. I'm not sure if it could be ever more. It's match. It has to match it. He said No, I don't think though the punch 

[00:27:47] Katherine: was less than. I don't, the distraction he was running from, I don't 

[00:27:50] Mike: think the pain you can inflict upon yourself.

[00:27:52] Mm-hmm. Somebody else can inflict like, uh, any worse. That's my initial thought. Because what you're running from mm-hmm. Is so painful versus what you're gonna get. It's not as painful and it's in short burst. Right. No, but, but 

[00:28:07] Eldar: nonetheless, the lesson, the less, it's more 

[00:28:09] Mike: painful 

[00:28:09] Eldar: the lesson on the other end.

[00:28:11] Right. When you're learning it in real life, let's just say. Mm-hmm. Versus in your head, you know mm-hmm. As imaginary thing Yeah. Has to match in order for the lesson to stick. 

[00:28:20] Katherine: I 

[00:28:20] Eldar: actually think that the 

[00:28:21] Katherine: punch was, was very painful. And now you see it's the aftermath that like, okay, now you trying to piece things, pieces, things together.

[00:28:28] You're trying to process and, and learn and, and, and be better. But like, I think the punch hurt, you know? 'cause I think there's two 

[00:28:34] Mike: different punches we're talking about though. The, 

[00:28:35] Katherine: the other stuff is subconscious, right? Like you're, you're, you're running away from your problems. Yes. Looking for distractions or whatever things are going on.

[00:28:42] Um, I don't know if you're doing that like, so. Like you, I don't know how much awareness you have to that, you know, until you get punched and then you're like, oh wait, is I have to look at things. Now? My, my 

[00:28:54] Eldar: question is this the way you were moving, the way you were conducting yourself and behaving yourself.

[00:28:58] Katherine: Mm-hmm. 

[00:28:59] Eldar: Did you need this amount of punch in order to slow down and start paying attention? 

[00:29:03] Katherine: Yes, I guess I did. Yeah. Yeah, of course. 

[00:29:05] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:29:05] Katherine: Yeah. 

[00:29:06] Mike: No, but I think 

[00:29:07] Katherine: that because then you open your eyes and you're like, as justice guys, shoot. That's justice. It's justice 

[00:29:11] Toliy: or karma or whatever you 

[00:29:11] Katherine: wanna call it. Yeah.

[00:29:13] Toliy: You don't not park your car in the driveway after you get a parking ticket, you know? Yeah. That shit gets taken away. 

[00:29:18] Speaker 8: Yeah. 

[00:29:18] Toliy: Or repossessed, you know, for example. Yeah. Then, then, then you're not gonna remember. 

[00:29:23] Mike: Yeah. But also the, the second scenario of the outside mm-hmm. Punches in the face. 

[00:29:28] Speaker 8: Yeah. 

[00:29:29] Mike: It's a culmination.

[00:29:30] Just like the, it happens on multiple occasions. So Kat didn't experience like one punch on this thing? Yes. She got a kd Yeah. And that was the end of the thing. Knockout. That was definitely the most painful. Yeah. But there was a bunch of jabs, little ones coming in, little punches, 

[00:29:46] Speaker 8: yeah. 

[00:29:46] Mike: For many, many years.

[00:29:47] Speaker 8: Yeah. 

[00:29:48] Mike: You know, just like the pain that you feel on your own. 

[00:29:50] Speaker 8: Yeah. 

[00:29:50] Mike: It's a bunch of little ones, I guess if you wanna call it that little, but, but I do think that once the ko once, once you get KO and you realize what's happening. 

[00:30:02] Speaker 8: Yeah. 

[00:30:04] Mike: That now it's, I think the other side is no longer probably painful because now you the, like the, the thing of learning the lesson.

[00:30:15] It's not a painful one because now you kind of like,

[00:30:21] you realize you don't have to move this way anymore if you learn this lesson. 

[00:30:24] Eldar: Well, yeah. My whole question is like whether or not that type of punch is necessary in order to start paying attention. Pretty much and, and yeah. I would say yeah. Right. Probably. Yes. Everyone says yeah. Yeah. So are you ready to pay attention?

[00:30:37] Katherine: I think so. I like to be 

[00:30:40] Eldar: Is it enough? Like is this, is this like, the reason why I'm asking is this, A lot of times Mike needed to p punch maybe five, 10 times, 20 times until he is like, okay, I got it. Like enough. Now, the way he's engaging is relationships actually is different. And because he is engaging differently or trying to Right, it almost like shows us that, like that's the proof in the pudding now that he's actually moving different.

[00:31:05] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[00:31:06] Eldar: But not, it's like it takes a lot of time, usually. Mm-hmm. Oh, of course. In a lot of different moments. I've already learned that these things, these things takes time, 

[00:31:12] Katherine: you know? Yeah. That's 

[00:31:13] Eldar: why I'm asking the question whether or not you actually in your friendships going forward. Willing and starting to communicate properly, paying attention properly, and really be in the moment to ensure, like you said, hey, be in the present moment.

[00:31:25] Right? Mm-hmm. Or be mindful. Mm-hmm. Remember when we walked you said that? Yeah. 

[00:31:29] Katherine: Today. Yeah. How do 

[00:31:30] Eldar: I be mindful in these friendships? Yeah. How can 

[00:31:32] Katherine: I be more mindful 

[00:31:33] Eldar: to make sure that this 

[00:31:34] Mike: thing doesn't come across? Yeah. And my interactions, this is one of my favorite things. Mm-hmm. And the answer to this question.

[00:31:38] Mm-hmm. For many years, it's been one of my favorite things for the past, probably a couple years, uhhuh the formula to be more mindful is, is for me, it's always gonna be the subtraction thing. Mm-hmm. You know, like I referenced it many times. 

[00:31:51] Speaker 8: Yeah. 

[00:31:52] Mike: The reason you're not mindful, you like, how can I put it?

[00:31:56] Like you have 10 pounds of power, let's just say, right? Mm-hmm. That you have within you, and you can give those 10, uh, to certain things that you have going in your life. Right? Uh, you have to invest like certain amounts of energy for all the things that you do. For the, for the sake of math, let's just do one per each.

[00:32:15] One. Yeah. 

[00:32:16] Eldar: So one per for 10, one. So, 

[00:32:18] Mike: yeah, I was listening like Harris. Yeah. They're not good at math. Yes. Let's just do one to one. Yeah. 10. 10 power. 10 power. Yeah. Yeah. So what happens is you have, like you and everybody else, we all have relationships with a bunch of things. We have our jobs, we're family, we're our friends, we have our hobbies, we have our desires, our, our husbands wants husbands.

[00:32:39] Yeah. We have a bunch of things, right? But if we give away our power. Our energy to those things. And if we're also committing crimes against ourselves and those things, you come into this mindful situation, let's just say a friendship and you already depleted, you know, so you're not gonna have that same oomph and the same ability to like, give your undivided attention because you already give so much.

[00:33:11] Because like we constantly do things that not necessarily are good for us, that don't actually bring us genuine, true happiness. They look like they do, right? Um, we're buzzing, we're busy. Like those things, they look like they're happiness, but it's again, like a running from our anxiety. So the more things we fill our day with that like take away from us, the harder it is to be more present, be more mindful in, in any area, pretty much, because we're depleted already.

[00:33:49] And, and those things really do take away a lot from us. 

[00:33:52] Eldar: So your suggestion is start, start removing certain things that are not serving you? 

[00:33:55] Mike: Yes. Like that's, that was a big thing for me and that helped me to become more like aware, more mindful and like 

[00:34:04] Eldar: what, give her an example of her from her life. From her life.

[00:34:07] Yeah. Babe, can you throw in some things that are important in your head that certain identities about you? Give us some, like, I don't know, don't give us 10 things, but give us five things or three things 

[00:34:18] Katherine: that are important for me to be as like a person. 

[00:34:21] Eldar: Yeah. Like your identities day, day to day, you know, 

[00:34:25] Katherine: my day to day.

[00:34:26] Eldar: Yeah. Stuff that's like, you know, you do that, you engage in that like, uh, a big part of your life. You know, one is husband obviously, right? Mm-hmm. Obviously you're not dropping that, I hope anytime soon. 

[00:34:39] Speaker 4: No. You 

[00:34:40] Mike: know. Well, I have one that you guys spoke about. Mm-hmm. And you guys bring it up, brought it up a couple times in the podcast, right?

[00:34:45] Yeah. And I think it's might have been like a source of like stress or pain. 

[00:34:49] Speaker 8: Yeah. 

[00:34:49] Mike: The conversation about cooking. Cooking. Remember this? Of course. I'm sure you do. Of course. And I think that like Ka was holding onto certain identity. That's right. Wanted to like live out that thing. Being 

[00:35:00] Katherine: a good wife. 

[00:35:01] Mike: Yes.

[00:35:01] Yeah. There you go. Like, but what 

[00:35:03] Katherine: comes 

[00:35:03] Mike: with that? Correct. Yeah. But you were under our impression that 

[00:35:07] Eldar: I held the same value that she did about this stuff. Yes. You know, where I held the value completely different where it's like mm-hmm. I'd rather have a more happy wife Yeah. Than a cook in my house. Yeah, a hundred percent.

[00:35:18] Especially if we have the resources to be able to buy food. Of course. 

[00:35:21] Katherine: I have a conundrum because, oh, you 

[00:35:23] Eldar: still have the conundrum. I 

[00:35:24] Katherine: still have a conundrum I've been thinking about it in, in this past few days. Um, like. I could cook less and eat out more, but ultimately I don't always feel great when I eat out more.

[00:35:37] I have a very sensitive stomach. I even sometimes have reactions to the food, food that I make myself at home. Um, 

[00:35:45] Eldar: does Catherine have that sensitive stomach still or no? Yeah, she does. Yours is too? 

[00:35:50] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:35:51] Mike: Prob probably, yeah. Uhhuh. 

[00:35:52] Katherine: Yeah. 

[00:35:53] Mike: I don't think you, I don't think all those virus, I didn't 

[00:35:55] Katherine: get it. Um, so, so like cooking at home is healthier, is, is possibly better for me.

[00:36:03] Um, so like there's that thing of like, you know, like that, you know, you kind of want to like, 

[00:36:08] Speaker 4: mm-hmm. 

[00:36:08] Katherine: It would be better. It's healthier for me, but most of the time I feel lazy to do it. Or by the time I get home with all the groceries and have to put everything away, and then I have to, uh, food prep and then cook and then all the dishes that come after it.

[00:36:22] I'm like, this wipe me out. Like, I'm actually, remember last night I made dinner? Yeah. It came out really good. I, I was in the kitchen for hours and I'm like, this is, this is exhausting. You know? There's a part of me like it's conflicting because I, I, it's, it's good for us. It's good for me, but it's also like a lot for me.

[00:36:45] So I don't, 

[00:36:46] Toliy: which one 

[00:36:46] Katherine: outweighs, did I go on a off on a tangent, but I 

[00:36:49] Toliy: feel like I have like, like, um, like. I dunno if I disagree with what, what we've been like, um, talking about. But, but it feels like it, it, you wouldn't start this shit if you didn't disagree, 

[00:37:00] Eldar: like the way you did. 

[00:37:01] Toliy: Yeah, no, I'm trying to figure You disagree is fine.

[00:37:03] No, no, no, no. I'm trying to figure out how, how I feel about it and like to, to me it's like, um, 

[00:37:10] Eldar: are you confused about anything? 

[00:37:11] Toliy: No, no. I don't feel confused about it. I, I just feel that like, the way it's being put is that like, like there's mistreatment happening in relationships, in these 

[00:37:21] Eldar: relationships.

[00:37:22] How did you conclude that? 

[00:37:23] Toliy: Well, like, you know, someone's, someone's, for example, is disrespecting you. Like that, that kind of line, that means that like, 

[00:37:29] Mike: well, no, no, no, no. We, we definitely didn't highlight that. 

[00:37:32] Katherine: No, we, 

[00:37:32] Mike: no, we're we're not saying that at all. We're taking accountability. No, no. 

[00:37:36] Katherine: We we're saying like, how do we become more mindful so that we can catch those moments when someone might be giving you like a little red flag when they're space.

[00:37:44] Let's call a little orange flag you. Well, yeah. But 

[00:37:47] Toliy: like, so with, with, with all of these things, I feel like, like the, the way to be the best, for example, like friend or like communicate, I feel like the, the best, the best way I feel like oftentimes is a, um, reflection of who you are, you know, and like who, who you are and like how you operate.

[00:38:09] Mm-hmm. You know? And I feel like oftentimes may maybe like. We don't know, or like, we don't acknowledge who we are and how we actually like, operate, like how we actually go about things, you know? And then in these different, like relationships with, with different friends, we have, like, we, we get, um, treated like how, how we, for example, are, but like the, um, the better communication, for example, or like having better friendships, for example.

[00:38:45] Like, I think it's like, or or cooking even for example. Like, it, like, I, I think all that is like tied back to like how you are, how you operate and like who, like who, yeah. Like it's, it like if, if it feels like diff d difficult almost like talk about or explain. 

[00:39:06] Mike: No, I think what you're trying to say to me at least is that the way you are as a friendships or any interaction Yeah.

[00:39:13] Relationships is the way you actually are towards yourself. Well, and that's gonna be a direct how you let the world treat you. 

[00:39:19] Toliy: Ye well, so like, yes. That, and then I feel like when it comes to like the running from one thing to like, to like another thing, like, I, I understand that, that like, um, concept, but I felt, but, but I also feel that like someone may have, for example, like problems somewhere and then they're, they're using a friendship, for example, for like an outlet.

[00:39:39] Mm-hmm. But they're under the impression that there's, that they're getting an outlet. But like, because they actually are a different type of person, they're gonna get that same thing that they're running from in this, in that friendship as well. But they don't know it. Yeah, sure. 

[00:39:56] Mike: Well, of course they don't know it.

[00:39:57] Toliy: Yeah. Because 

[00:39:58] Mike: when you put your hand in the fire Yeah. You take it out because you feel pain, right? 

[00:40:02] Speaker 10: Yeah. 

[00:40:04] Mike: But if you don't feel the pain and it's not instant, it happens down the line, you, you're not acknowledging of it. But you need to get your hand out of the fire and you gotta go somewhere else. 

[00:40:15] Toliy: Yeah.

[00:40:16] Yeah. I just feel that like, you know, uh, like, I mean, it's obvious, obvious, like, like it's obvious, but like who you are as a person and how you operate to yourself and to others, like, you're gonna get that kind of treatment or like having somebody I agree with you Totally. You, you saying 

[00:40:30] Eldar: a very general statement.

[00:40:32] That is very 

[00:40:32] Toliy: true. We agree. Yeah. But it's also, 

[00:40:33] Eldar: it's like we definitely agree with 

[00:40:34] Toliy: that. Yeah. But it's also like, I feel like some of these things are like, they're very difficult to implement and do for like,

[00:40:45] Speaker 7: well, what 

[00:40:46] Mike: do you mean get to the implementation yet? We're trying to explain what's going on. No, but what he, what you're saying is, well, they're very difficult to implement and do. Why, because you got a million sticks and a million fires. Correct. And you're not doing any of them, and that's why it's difficult to do.

[00:41:00] Yes. And you are doing shit that doesn't actually bring you anything. You're just like, uh, mucking around. But you think, oh, it's making you happy, but Oh no, it's actually distracting you from actually, well, no. Yeah, sure. Need to do. Sure. Ultimately 

[00:41:12] Eldar: keep, we keep talking about, we have a lot of stuff in the, in, you know, in the fire or whatever, talking about distractions, what we ultimately are talking about, how can you find a way to be present in the moments that you are experiencing?

[00:41:25] Right now we're talking about friendships. Mm-hmm. Right? So when you get into a friendship, when you get into an engagement mm-hmm. How can you be truly present in order to really listen and pay attention to every word that you say, because we know everyone is a criminal. Mm-hmm. They're gonna say some stupid shit.

[00:41:40] Yeah. And then we have to be alert enough in order to say, what'd you say? Why'd you put it like that? That's what 

[00:41:47] Speaker 4: I'm saying. Mm-hmm. 

[00:41:48] Toliy: You understand? This is what we're talking about. We're No, no, no. Uh, that I know, but I feel like that's like a, like a very high ask. I is is how it's 

[00:41:57] Eldar: like Well, the, the, the reason why we asking this is because Catherine right now is struggling through this, right.

[00:42:03] And not struggling through this, but understood that she's been struggling through something like this. Right. And certain things fly under her radar, and we've come to realize that her radar is out of batteries. It's broken. It's broken. Mm-hmm. 

[00:42:14] Toliy: But, but that's what I'm saying is that like, I feel like, like, uh, like 

[00:42:19] Eldar: so what are we saying that you not like what's not saying?

[00:42:21] Well, yeah. I'm just like, um, we're diagnosing the shit and we are about to find the cure. 

[00:42:26] Speaker 4: Yeah. 

[00:42:26] Katherine: Yeah. I can't wait for, for the implementation part. Like, I, I, I'm curious like, you know, what are the things that 

[00:42:33] Speaker 10: you know? 

[00:42:34] Katherine: Right. 

[00:42:34] Speaker 10: Yeah. 

[00:42:35] Katherine: Mike is saying this. No. Wait, but what's, no, he's not saying anything. No. I wanna know like, what, what is it that like you're trying to say or like think he, so what do you have an issue with?

[00:42:42] Toliy: Like, I, I feel like I, I like, I feel like a lot of these things is like, like, like, um, like asrs individuals like have, have to understand I think like who we are as people and like who we currently are, doesn't mean that it can't change, but like, who we currently are. And I feel like once you start to understand like how you actually feel about things, like what you actually do, what do you like, and what do you not like, actually.

[00:43:11] Mm-hmm. Right? Yeah. And, and you kind of have that like, like, I guess like, like pe people call it like, like an, like, you, you, you, um, you display that like un unapologetically. Mm-hmm. I think with, with just basically just like an un another word for like, on, honestly. Right. Um, I think then you start to figure out why things are happening or like that, right.

[00:43:35] Like, so you're, 

[00:43:35] Katherine: you're saying that like, it's important to have like a strong sense of identity knowing who you are, going into relationships so that you can stand on it and have like a, an honest relationship. 

[00:43:48] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:43:49] Katherine: Like I, yeah, I agree with that. Like, I can give, like, like in general, we spoke about that last week.

[00:43:53] I agree. Like a 

[00:43:53] Toliy: small example, like for, for example, if you feel one way about something, right? Mm-hmm. But if you're, but if you're a person who doesn't speak up. For example, if that's so you feel one way 

[00:44:05] Speaker 4: mm-hmm. 

[00:44:06] Toliy: But you're also a person that has a quality that you don't speak up about things, and then something happens that you don't like, then you're obviously bound to them because you don't, you feel one way, you, you are, you're um, not, not speaking up about what's happening.

[00:44:23] You are like, that's a clear equation for pain. Correct. Right. Correct. Like in that kind of sense. So then when it comes to like examining that from like an aerial view of what's happening, like if you see someone else who's mo moving that kind of way or like doing those kinds of things, you can see that from like a mile away that like, hey, this person clearly doesn't like it, but they're not a person who's gonna speak up, therefore this is gonna happen, that that pain's gonna happen.

[00:44:47] Mm-hmm. And I feel like, um, um, how do I say it? Like, um, those to me are like the type of like traits that I think need to be, um, examined. Mm-hmm. And I think that like, once you look at those things, like everything self corrects, right? Because like, um, um, but that's what we're exactly what we're trying to examine.

[00:45:11] Yeah. 

[00:45:11] Katherine: That's what we're trying to, to, we're doing exactly that. 

[00:45:14] Eldar: He's coming from a different door. 

[00:45:15] Katherine: He is, but I understand what he's saying. And, and he missed the whole conversation. He wasn't 

[00:45:20] Toliy: paying attention. No, I wasn't paying attention. Yeah, no, I was paying attention. Just, just to me, the way that it's that yes.

[00:45:24] The question is different in your head. No, the way that it's being worded to me is that there's injustice going on. 

[00:45:31] Speaker 11: No, 

[00:45:32] Katherine: no, no, no. Far from it. No. I, I really don't think so. No, no, no. And I'm pretty 

[00:45:35] Eldar: sure that some other people that are listening to this might have heard it the same way you did. Like someone, for 

[00:45:38] Toliy: example, if you say someone's getting disrespected.

[00:45:41] No, no, no. We are like, we're definitely not playing the victim here. No, no. There's no victim. Not the victim, but it's just like, 

[00:45:46] Katherine: how do I smell this before it, like, you know, how do I like example, know? How do I catch it and then actually deal with it? The thing I'm gonna tell you right now, instead of assigning it under the rug, when you 

[00:45:56] Toliy: get good, it won't even come your way.

[00:45:58] Yeah. Yes. That, that's what I'm saying. Right? So, so there's 

[00:46:01] Katherine: that, there's that moment of, of, you know, let's say having the blinders on and then taking the blinders off. There's, there's something that needs to be worked on there. Exactly. That's why I wanna have this conversation. 

[00:46:11] Toliy: Yes, yes. Can, can we say like, let, let's just use code words here.

[00:46:15] Can we say that? Like, would you say that, uh, Voldemort disrespected cat? 

[00:46:21] Eldar: Well, no, because we digested it and we realized that cat, disrespected cat, obviously. Yeah. 

[00:46:25] Katherine: Yes. And, and if, if I'm all honest, ultimately, and like ultimately, yeah. I think it was bigger disappointment. Than anything else. 

[00:46:34] Speaker 10: Yes. Because whatever 

[00:46:35] Katherine: happened to me was deserved.

[00:46:36] You know, like I let it get that far, it needed to be, have, have that type of punch it needed. Yeah. It needed that type of punch in order to wake her up. Like the way, the way that things have happened in the last two relationships that I, that I have had to break off. Like there's a reason why it happened that way, and I don't see it as good or bad.

[00:46:54] It's, it's an event and I wanna learn from this event. Do you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like, yeah, they were gut punches for sure. And one of them was, was a real knife in the heart, but like, this is where I am now to like, process it and, and, and grow from it. Hopefully I can learn from it. 

[00:47:10] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:47:10] Katherine: You know?

[00:47:11] Toliy: Yeah. I feel, I mean, like, I, I obviously we, we all agree with it, but I feel like it should be like, emphasized more that like. The the changing of of Oh, of, of, of, of the person themselves. Yeah. Yeah. It auto corrects all of these other things. Mm-hmm. You know? 

[00:47:27] Eldar: Well, just to make a disclaimer to anybody who's listening Yeah.

[00:47:30] Who's maybe got the impression that we are here with the victim mentality. 

[00:47:34] Katherine: No, it's not 

[00:47:35] Eldar: a victim hood. It's not that at all. No. Well, we believe wholeheartedly is that the world is the way it is because of the way you are. Yeah. Yes. Okay. This is number one. Okay. And it's not 

[00:47:43] Katherine: labeling good or bad. Yeah. It just is, you know what's, it's so trying to leave 

[00:47:47] Eldar: us astray here.

[00:47:48] No, I'm not tryings from it. No. I'm not trying to lead anyone as and No, no, no, I don't. And knowing us, you should know better that we fucking went that way to even make this kind of accusation. No, I'm saying that like out loud. No, but the way 

[00:47:59] Toliy: the, the way that it sounds don't get sidetracked, babe. 

[00:48:01] Eldar: Maybe it's not.

[00:48:02] I 

[00:48:02] Toliy: know. Yeah. I just took a shit, man. I'm having fun. Um, the way that it sounds like, it sounds like not, not like, not, it, it, it, it sounds like, for example, someone No, the whole song is, 

[00:48:11] Eldar: is on 

[00:48:12] Toliy: her. Yeah. The whole thing. 

[00:48:13] Eldar: Yeah. Everything that we're pointing to, all of it where I brought up Mike, for example. Right.

[00:48:18] He gave those examples where he kept showing all the examples that he was moving wrong. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That because if he was compromised, he then allowed Yeah. Right. All these things to go under his radar. Yeah. Just this is where were, I guess I cross all stuff clarify where he did not assert himself in such a way where he demanded respect.

[00:48:39] Mm-hmm. People just, yeah. Yeah. Almost 

[00:48:41] Toliy: like, 

[00:48:42] Eldar: yeah, guess. Oh, that guy. Oh, I guess the lines of like, oh, step right over him. 

[00:48:45] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it, like, then, then, then to me it sounds like the, the lines of like, under someone's ra radar, like for example, like, like, like some of these lines to me sound like someone has a better radar and it's underperforming, for example.

[00:48:57] But to me it's just like, like, like a, a, um, radar with particular standards. And those standards are just being met. But then there's no, no, no. 

[00:49:07] Eldar: What you're saying is also true, which is justice. 

[00:49:09] Toliy: Yes, I agree with you. Nobody's disputing this. Yeah. And, and then there's pain experience, and then there's like learning.

[00:49:15] Yeah. And then, then may maybe you start asking yourself, well, why, why does this hurt? Or like, why, why am I experiencing this pain? And then I think that's when you realize that like, that, that's what I'm saying, where it's like, it's not that it's flying under the radar. 'cause someone, if, if there's a radar and something's flying under it, yeah.

[00:49:32] That means that there is an actual radar. Radar. But, but to me, there is no ra radar. There is no radar that is effective to catch that aircraft. Agreed. Right. Agreed. And that's specific 

[00:49:42] Mike: subject. There's no radar, but other subject. There is a radar. There could be like, but, but, but like, the person has a radar, but there's a reason in that engagement.

[00:49:50] They say radar, I'm gonna leave it at home. Yes. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna leave my radar at home. So the person has a radar. She does not allow everybody to respect her. She has a voice in other relationships. It's true. It's true. I have a voice in different relationships that I didn't have. Yes. In certain friendships.

[00:50:03] Yeah. Mm-hmm. There is a radar, but there's a very specific reason that the person is not using it. And that's why I was saying you, by you committing the sin against running from yourself. Yeah. Behind you, you allow that person from yourself, even for a split second. If you feel the pain that, that you're not happy, you're lonely, you're sad, depressed, you, you've learned over many years how to get out of that quick.

[00:50:28] Maybe before, for the first time. It happened. First 10 times it took you 10 minutes an hour to snap out of it. The better. The more you suffer, the more you learn. You either change or you adopt that behavior and you become an expert. Well, how do you know 

[00:50:42] Toliy: that? How do you know that, that, like, you still have that in other relationships for exit, for example, but not like, like how do you know that the issue is only in deselect and not in the other ones?

[00:50:54] Uh, like what do you mean? Like you were saying that like for, for example, like, like Kat had is 

[00:51:00] Mike: married to, uh, elder, does Elder have the same complaints that Kat is a mouse. She doesn't stand up for herself, she doesn't, uh, pay attention to one other speaking. She has a radar for, for elder or no, elder. 

[00:51:16] Eldar: Yeah, she does.

[00:51:18] How do you know? She's very into asking. How do you know? She's very into, well, what do you mean I live with her? I'm fucking experienced this all the time. No, 

[00:51:23] Toliy: no, no. I'm saying to like, to, to the person is like, how do you know that the person doesn't act that kind of way? Like in, in other relationships, we know, we 

[00:51:32] Eldar: know a hundred percent.

[00:51:35] I know. I listen to your, uh, phone calls with your mom. I listen to your phone calls with your sister. I listen to her phone calls with her friends. Mm-hmm. I see it when people get together. Mm-hmm. I see the behavior. I see the, the, yeah. They move different. They move different bro. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

[00:51:49] The consistency and behavior, like you always give me compliments like, yo doesn't give a fuck who the fuck it is. Mm-hmm. We're just gonna be the way we are. 

[00:51:56] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[00:51:57] Eldar: You know, and if we start changing, that's acting. You know what I mean? And anytime, if that's. You see that it's an act. You call it out. Like you see, like when was the last time you called me out on it?

[00:52:06] Just recently? You said our elder was acting for a second. Oh, Andres house. Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah. He said it right away. Yeah. He said, yo, yo, who's that guy? Yeah. You know what I mean? Because I'm trying to behave, bro. I back on Andres fucking strict, you know what I mean? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Boom. He sees it.

[00:52:22] Mm-hmm. You see the difference? Yeah. Right. It's the same way, the other way around. Of course. Well, 

[00:52:26] Katherine: it's just like, uh, like, um, last week's podcast, we ha we briefly spoke about Tommy. Right. And how Eldar has a soft spot for Tommy that's a, an elder that I don't know. I know a strict elder that is strict with me totally knows to everybody else me for a while.

[00:52:41] Yeah. And I, and I actually said it. I was like, wait a second. He's got a soft spot for him. Mm-hmm. Because like, he's letting this go way longer than he would with anybody else, or at least with me. I have my reasons. So if he's, if he's letting this leash go a lot longer with a, a particular person right away, that to me is like, it stands out.

[00:52:58] I'm like, oh, that, like, you're acting different with this particular person, you know? Yeah. I forgot where I was going with that one. 

[00:53:04] Eldar: Well, you're trying to also give us an example of when we're moved differently with different people. Yeah. To show you that there's a radar and then sometimes there's no radar.

[00:53:13] Mike: Yeah. But I think it's, 

[00:53:14] Eldar: uh, 

[00:53:16] Mike: like we supposed to move different with different people because different people present different challenges. Correct. 

[00:53:21] Eldar: Yeah. Correct. But if our. True character completely sways from one to another, then we have a problem. Yeah. We're not being consistent with ourselves. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:53:31] Mm-hmm. So ultimately, we're never gonna be happy, right? Mm-hmm. What are we encouraging Catherine to do right now? Right? Get authentic relationships where you can look people in the face and say, yo, that was weird. Mm-hmm. Catherine will never say this shit. Mm-hmm. Like, that doesn't work. No. Right. That doesn't work In her world.

[00:53:45] All relationships. 

[00:53:46] Speaker 12: I was racist. Like, like That's rude. That's rude. Right? That's rude. That's when she comes here though, right? 

[00:53:51] Eldar: She's laughing behind Tony's back when she sees some funny things. Like, oh, that's pretty funny. You know? What is that? You know what I mean? But she don't say it. I mean, I don't, sometimes she sat, sometimes she says it and stuff like that.

[00:54:00] Right. She like, she's inching for that because she sees what's funny. Yeah. She can also make a funny comment. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? And I 

[00:54:07] Katherine: can see you guys have like, we have fun authenticity with each other. Yeah. You're honest. You, you have great relationships. Yeah. And you have a good time. Yeah, of course.

[00:54:16] We just have fun, admire, you know what I mean? Just because I called totally 

[00:54:18] Eldar: and the Arabic woman in the morning, it's, it's doesn't mean anything, you know? That was fucked up, man. I trying to go off for a walk or something. I remember it looked like a dress. You know, you tell the editor 

[00:54:28] Speaker 12: to remove that color.

[00:54:28] Always. Were Harry. 

[00:54:30] Eldar: Yeah. You know, so what what I'm saying is that, yeah, if you can't be authentic, if you can't be funny and all this other stuff, then like you holding yourself back from true, true things and those people who actually know you for who you are. We gonna notice this shit. 

[00:54:43] Mike: Yeah, of course.

[00:54:43] Eldar: Yeah. I give you my example. I'll give you your example. Your example. Everybody has an example. Yeah. When we move different, you can't be yourselves. You are a punk. If you were the girl and you're pussying out, you can't be yourself, can't be funny. Can't be the mike that we know Aggie Mike or Funny Mike or whatever.

[00:54:57] Yeah. Then what, what are you? What? Mm-hmm. You are a fucking actor. 

[00:55:00] Speaker 7: Yeah. 

[00:55:02] Toliy: You know what I'm saying? 

[00:55:03] Speaker 7: Mm-hmm. 

[00:55:03] Toliy: Yeah. Just that's interesting. Just a question is that, is is like, like are we, we're, we're ultimately then not talking about like, how do we have better, like what, what can we do to have better friendships or like better communication?

[00:55:18] Right? Or, or, or 

[00:55:19] Katherine: to identify who you are. Like through and through. 

[00:55:24] Toliy: Yes. Right? Yes. Like I think before the friendship, finish your thought, finish your, comes the identity. Right. Finish your thought. Yeah. Yeah. Like, um, it sounds like we're, we're, we're just trying to um, like, like, like, like in Pat's case, I guess like prescribe more like self-development, right?

[00:55:43] Because then the self-development, will that lead to a different person? Well, yeah. Giving away answers to the test, 

[00:55:49] Mike: my 

[00:55:49] Toliy: man. 

[00:55:49] Mike: Yeah. Like ultimately we're trying to find out who we are. Yes. And if we are happy with those million different parts of who we are. Mm-hmm. And if we're not happy to get rid of them, if we are happy, then we embrace them and we keep them and we thrive.

[00:56:00] Yes. Add them. And we, ones that don't like, and we remove them. We remove them. Yes. Yeah. But the identification 

[00:56:05] Eldar: is. The process, what we're trying to say is that, Kat, you like yourself here, you feel better, you feel more comfortable, you can talk shit, whatever. Yes. Okay. My question is, why are you not the same way when you walk out the door?

[00:56:16] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. I feel like, um, like to, like, I, I view it as like, and, and this was like a, like a very eye-opening thing for, for me, and police is for everyone. It is, is like, I, I, I think one, one next step for, for Cat I've used So like, to maybe like realize what's possible. Yeah. And not because I feel like yes.

[00:56:37] Like she hasn't like, um, like under understood that is how, how I, uh, uh, Lisa, how, how I've observed it of like, like what's allowed and what's not allowed. Right. And like, for example, like, um, like through my, like for example, like friend furniture with Eldar, like throughout my whole life since I was, you know, when, when I met him, when I was like, I dunno, 15 or 16, like what, like what was allowed in his world and his life to me was eye-opening.

[00:57:02] I was like, what? 

[00:57:03] Speaker 4: Yeah. Like, 

[00:57:04] Toliy: this is allowed, you know? And then I'll be like, no, no, no, we can't do this. This's not allowed. And they'd be like, no, no, this is allowed. And then you'd do it. And I'd be like, you're doing not allowed things my man. Like, you know, like, this is what me, Mike Bond a lot. 

[00:57:17] Katherine: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

[00:57:17] Mike is a rebel. The mic is a rebel. I'm rebel. He's a true rebel. That's why we click in trouble. That's why we, we, we fucking met in detention. But I think, you know, I was listening to a really interesting, uh, podcast episode. Yeah. Today and, uh, Mel Robbins is interviewing like the number one Harvard psychologist or whatever, and she's allegedly.

[00:57:34] You know, she's almost 80, so she's been teaching for like 

[00:57:38] Speaker 7: Yeah. 

[00:57:38] Katherine: A long time. And she's talking about kind of like her secret sauce to, to having more fun. Mm-hmm. To, to, to just living better and in, and in, and her huge two things that she mentions is, um, questioning. Yeah. You know, like, we have all these things.

[00:57:58] Well, this is done this way. And she's like, well, why? Yeah. You know, who came up with that? And when did they come up with that? I'm 

[00:58:04] Eldar: tell why she, I could tell you why she's ing it when they came 

[00:58:05] Katherine: up with that was a hundred years ago. Maybe things are different now. Sure. You know, something that works for someone that's five foot tall is different for a person that's six five, you know?

[00:58:13] That's right. So she's, she, she questions things and, and she also challenges things to be fun. She goes like, you, you know, finding the, the fun in work or in the things that you do so that everything could just stretch out and be fun. You know, 

[00:58:27] Eldar: you know why Elon Musk is so successful? Because he realized that during the early stages of our development when we were young mm-hmm.

[00:58:35] We didn't have enough whys, so he came up with the whole philosophy as to ask why, for everything in order to get to the point of like, okay, cool. You found the answer here and that's the limit. No. Yeah. He goes, yeah, that's not the limit. Why? She literally talks about that. Yeah. So he breaks the limit of the why's to get to the what?

[00:58:56] Uh, to the, what's it called? The first 

[00:58:59] Mike: first principles theory. There you go. Mm. Yeah. But also, also 

[00:59:01] Katherine: like expanding possibilities or expanding Correct. The way you see the world. Yeah. She says that, you know, we limit ourselves with all these That's correct. This is how things are done. No, why? Yes. And then you go out of that and then you realize, actually no.

[00:59:12] What? You gotta understand 

[00:59:13] Eldar: that the, the, the what, why lives in the world of breaking rules and the co the common, the no, not the common, the status quo. Mm-hmm. Because they already established as to why Look. Yeah. This is it. I love the research that we did it. Wait a second. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? But why?

[00:59:31] And you keep going so you become the rebel. 

[00:59:33] Katherine: Yeah. 

[00:59:34] Eldar: The rebels, right. The ones that are like not willing to go with the system, obviously gonna have more fun because they're gonna stretch that envelope to go to the place where all the people are not. So in theory, like the people that are abiding by the law, like totally was saying like, look, I met Aldar, and all of a sudden I'm like, yo, wait, I knew what the threshold was.

[00:59:55] Elder always pushed that boundary. Right. So totally finish your thought. 

[00:59:58] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. And I feel that that like oftentimes, which, which is a crazy thing because like you don't actually know until you start to unwrap all this stuff. Like what laws you put in place for yourself and like what are you abiding on?

[01:00:12] And then like, when you start examining these things, like you could be, oh, like, that's okay. It's okay to question somebody. It's okay to like, I dunno, call someone out. It's okay to like do this. It's okay to be like. Honest, for example, it's okay to do like one once, once you start examining, I think all, all those different things, you get a completely different perspective.

[01:00:34] And then you start to realize what laws that you have been like under the impression or like, like laws. And that actually cause you a lot of suffering. And like, I, like I, I've always came from a place of like, you're not supposed to succeed. You're not, you're supposed to feel like this or like, you're not supposed to get this, or like, you're not supposed to do, do that.

[01:00:54] And, and, and like then when I started to like try to like turn the page on some things, it was a completely unfamiliar feeling because my default programming is com is a, is a different set of rules. And when, and I felt like I'm doing it, I almost felt that like, like yeah, like, what's going on here? And then like, as, as I, um, started to examine, experiment some of these, these rules Yeah.

[01:01:16] And experiment a little more and more. Like I came to, to realize that yeah, I've been like living under completely wrong rules and like completely wrong like things, right. Impression. Like, which is why like you'll, um, and, and, and like we, we all have someone in our lives where like, like your, like you live on different rules than them.

[01:01:38] And you can like, I don't know, like may, may, maybe it's our parents being afraid of like trivial shit, like letters in the mail or like, like very, very things. And they're like, you know, like. I dunno. Like they get some letter in the mail and then like, like my dad thinks like he's being taken away by the police and going into prison.

[01:01:55] You know, when it's like, yeah. You know, it's like, you know, fill out this form and shut up. That's it. It's no big deal. Yeah. Right. So like, they're living under some completely crazy fear-based like rule system, right? Mm-hmm. Where like, we're still living in also those things, but just like a different one.

[01:02:10] Mm-hmm. And I think that one, once you wanna cover that, your whole perspective will change as to like what's allowed, what's not allowed. And I think that will bleed into like, um, like the types of relationships that you'll then develop because then you, you can, you'll, you'll, you'll know that this is allowed to say like, you can actually speak up here.

[01:02:29] You can actually say you don't want this, or you don't wanna do that, or like, you do wanna do this and stuff like that. 

[01:02:34] Eldar: Ultimately what you're looking for is that you are gonna come to realize that, uh, when you start breaking the rules and pushing those boundaries and get into the whys and why not world, you realize that you become very curious and you're gonna enjoy yourself.

[01:02:50] And part of being curious and enjoying yourself, you're gonna go and explore the world in such a way where it's gonna look maybe weird to a naked eye, but what's gonna happen to you, right? If you really get addicted to this world of fun and curiosity, you're gonna want to pre preserve that and pres to preserve that, you're gonna have to develop self-respect.

[01:03:11] So when you get into engagements. When you start talking to people, you're gonna be able to spot exactly when they are gonna be able to disrespect that or try to take that away from you. And because you've now addicted to this fund, you're gonna be like, oh, I don't want to go there. Why'd you say this?

[01:03:28] Why'd you say that? You'll find a way to now have a really good radar and block certain things off because they might be oppressing you, they might be disrespecting you, they might be trying to scare you and all these other things 

[01:03:42] Speaker 7: and oppress your mind, but now you have a defense. But 

[01:03:47] Eldar: only if you discover what totally says that you've expanded your horizons.

[01:03:51] Like, wait a second, that world is possible. 

[01:03:55] Toliy: Yeah. 

[01:03:56] Eldar: And, and, and that's a huge thing, like, holy shit. And when you start eating off that world and that world actually gets you to like, you know, I mean everything, it, it's, it actualizes you, then you're gonna wanna protect it, and you're gonna protect it with your voice, with your communication, with your attentiveness to make sure that the piece that you get now from certain relationships and engagements that you're getting into, he's not gonna wanna be compromised anymore.

[01:04:24] Mike's now asks his questions, why is this, why is that he's talking to Ole for example now, right? He's very careful the way he structures his words to ensure that he doesn't get into engagement where he's the bad guy, right? Or quote unquote, where the other person turned him into a bad guy. Disrespected him that that doesn't exist anymore because Mike knows exactly how to move.

[01:04:45] He brought a lot more peace into his life. Yeah. But I think, yeah, that's 

[01:04:49] Mike: big. The peace thing is, is big and it's also jerking. You're more cautious and more analytical. Not in like a od way, but you're more analytical of what you want to invest your time into and um, what you're willing to like let in, you know, because like, yeah.

[01:05:09] When, when you're at peace and you know, like, obviously you, like I'm not at full peace. I have things that I'm still working on. Um, but I'm become, became more cautious of what I wanna let in and how I wanna let things in because I know like everything's great. I'm very happy, I'm, you know, in my life I'm very happy.

[01:05:31] Do I, do I want to, is this what I'm about to do? Is it gonna take away? Is it gonna add? And if it is, is it worth the squeeze or is it like, or can I just stay away from this and not, it's not worth it, ruin 

[01:05:46] Eldar: it. However, I do wanna make a caveat thing here, Mike. You have to have a disclaimer where you don't wanna become a paranoid schizophrenic.

[01:05:54] Yeah. You know what I mean? I said that. Yeah. I said, you don't want to be idea about it. Yeah. Like you want to have a bar, you want to have certain things, but you don't have to be a mathematician. Calculating risk and reward on every relationship. Ultimately, I think the bar has to go and fight against the bar of fund.

[01:06:11] Are you able to have fun? Are you having fun? Are you tiptoeing with every word you say? Are you people pleasing with every word you say and how are you saying it? Well, can you have fun with this? If the answer is yes, then you're good. If the answer is no, yeah, you're probably gonna step in shit swim. 

[01:06:30] Toliy: But, but it's also a, a thing around like, like who you, for example, hang out with or who, who you like, like if you're like a really, like, you know, like your, your foundation is like super sound and you're like, you know, a really like immovable, like, you know, rock for example.

[01:06:50] You could be around like whoever, and it's not gonna like shake that. But, um, if, if, if you're not, for example, which is most people, and especially if you're just getting into this, I think it's very hard to like, to like, in those relationships to like, um, to not step in shit. 

[01:07:12] Speaker 7: Yeah. 

[01:07:12] Toliy: Basically, you know, like you could hang out with whoever and it's not gonna like, like their, their retardation is not gonna like, 

[01:07:21] Eldar: no, 

[01:07:21] Toliy: it's not gonna afflict any pain though.

[01:07:22] Affect it and you can like do whatever. Yeah. But if you're not, you can have fun with 

[01:07:25] Eldar: it. What? You can have fun with it. 

[01:07:27] Toliy: Yes. You, you, you can have fun with it. Right? Um, but if you're not that then, like, if some people have very strong personalities, it's definitely much harder to. It is hard to not, to not, to not step in shit.

[01:07:41] Katherine: Mm-hmm. 

[01:07:42] Toliy: For, for example, you know, 

[01:07:44] Katherine: no, as a tiptoe Yeah. With a strong personality. Yeah. You step in poop. That's what I do. Yeah. 

[01:07:51] Eldar: Yeah. Yeah. 

[01:07:51] Katherine: Yeah. 

[01:07:52] Eldar: I think Catherines very strong. So 

[01:07:53] Katherine: it's, it's in, um, 

[01:07:55] Eldar: yeah. Strong. I, I think that's why I'm with her. 

[01:07:57] Katherine: Oh, no. But that's not what I was saying. Oh. Like, like that when I find myself tiptoeing in, you know, I guess tiptoeing as you guys were just saying mm-hmm.

[01:08:05] In, in certain dynamics, and the person is coming off a lot stronger. I'm like, uh, you know, like for me it's like, you know, I, I, I don't, I don't, I think it's, uh, it's very alien to me to like, go into confrontation and know which questions to ask. Not with me. So I'm just kind of like, eh, you know, whatever.

[01:08:23] You 

[01:08:23] Eldar: know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. So there's a Catherine that I know that is, is fierce. Yeah. That has a head on her shoulders. Mm-hmm. That is attentive. Yeah. That can give me a punch back mm-hmm. If I need it, you know? Yeah. But then there's, she's nowhere to be found at that time. 

[01:08:36] Speaker 8: Yeah. 

[01:08:37] Katherine: Well, is it that I don't like care enough in like cer in other relationships then?

[01:08:42] Because like, I don't have that issue with you. 

[01:08:44] Speaker 8: Yeah. 

[01:08:45] Katherine: Um, like if you ask Selina, she's uh, you know, one of my like longtime friends, like, she says the same thing. Like she says, like, you're really 

[01:08:53] Speaker 11: like to the, to the point, to the, to the point. 

[01:08:54] Katherine: Like you're really, you know Yeah. She tell you right now, like, I'm the almost honest person that she says, you know?

[01:09:00] Yeah. Like in, in her life and stuff. Well, I, I think that you, yeah. So what is it? You know, like, do I not care enough or I mean, 

[01:09:05] Toliy: like, my, my opinion, I think you care too much. Yeah, yeah. You care too much. My opinion is that like, um, with the people that you know, that you're not gonna get a particular reaction mm-hmm.

[01:09:14] You're okay with Yeah. Having that honesty, but with people, you're, I gave it too much. You're scared. Scared of their reaction or you're unsure of it. Yeah. Then like, yeah, like, like if, if you know that eldar iss not gonna real play to 

[01:09:26] Katherine: is trying to throw me under the bus right now. I've been saying, I've 

[01:09:29] Eldar: saying that Catherine's been bullying me all along.

[01:09:31] No. Or he just said, I don't know if you heard him, said, 

[01:09:34] Katherine: I've been giving her too much slack. You see that? I'm like, no. And, and she took advantage 

[01:09:38] Eldar: of it and now she's bullying me, Mike. I know. Just pretend I'm Tommy. Okay, good. But I think everybody's bullying you. This is true. 

[01:09:43] Katherine: I'm just a fluffy bunny. 

[01:09:45] Eldar: Yes. Oh my God.

[01:09:46] But yeah, that's a good point. 

[01:09:47] Toliy: Yeah, yeah. Like to, to like the people who feel that way, for example. Yeah. I think that like you, you're just Yeah. The, the, you're not saying that to other relationships, maybe 'cause you're afraid of like. What's gonna be, what's gonna happen if you were to do that? Or, but I'm not as genuine in those relationships.

[01:10:02] It's, you're attached to like, 

[01:10:03] Mike: I have attachment it. I also think that Catherine has an identity that she's like, settled into as Yeah. As a re as with respect to your relationship. Mm-hmm. She knows who she is. Yeah. And she's good with that. Yeah. The, the, uh, she has not settled into Correct. All the other ones.

[01:10:20] And that's why Yes. It's alls what you ec decided who you want to be. Right. With Elder, you're not undecided. No. You're exactly who you want to be. No one, uh, it works. Love each other. It works. I like 

[01:10:29] Eldar: it. We love each other. 

[01:10:30] Mike: And Elder promotes it. Yeah. 

[01:10:32] Katherine: I'm just writing these things down. These, these little points that I wanna talk, talk to my therapist about.

[01:10:36] You're doing the 

[01:10:37] Eldar: Nate thing then.

[01:10:46] Mike: What the fuck? Yeah. So I, I think that that's a big factor. Yeah. Because she, she knows who she is in this relationship. Yeah. She knows like, who she is as a person, as individual, as like all the different Mm. Whatever the word is I'm looking for. What if this, 

[01:11:05] Eldar: what if this relationship is also a, a subconscious reaction?

[01:11:10] What, what do you mean? How do you 

[01:11:11] Katherine: mean that? Explain that. 

[01:11:13] Eldar: Well, if she's not really conscious in the other ones, how do we know that she's actually conscious in this one? 

[01:11:21] Katherine: Now you're just trying to, 

[01:11:22] Eldar: then that would 

[01:11:23] Katherine: make you matrix me right now. 

[01:11:24] Mike: Boths. Huh? That would make you both fools. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[01:11:28] You know what I mean? Like yeah. Like is my choice. Well, I'm definitely a 

[01:11:30] Katherine: fool like that. I'm admitting to that. You know what I'm saying? Like, 

[01:11:33] Mike: no, I said, you know, I think I said part of it is I, because of you and because of love, love is a thing that allows you to be like, uh, completely yourself. Mm-hmm. And also to completely, not to completely, but to a certain extent, to accept the other person and to be themselves and promotion of the self.

[01:11:58] You promote her to be her truest self. I think because you love her. 

[01:12:01] Katherine: The truth is like, I think I'm gonna tell you right now, this is a point, one of the reasons why I can be fully myself and, and, and just like be so present, I guess in our relationship, is like, there's love. Yes. But like, I know I'm in good hands.

[01:12:14] I know you have my best interests. I know you love me, you support me. Uh, you know, 

[01:12:20] Speaker 11: I gave enough of good reasons. You know what I'm saying? It's, it's Louis bags, Gucci bags. Oh my gosh. Stop it. 

[01:12:27] Katherine: You know what I mean? I know what you, yes. I think that there's like actual like. For pure safety on my end. Like that's from all these things.

[01:12:35] That's ok. You're asking 

[01:12:36] Eldar: me? 

[01:12:36] Katherine: Yes. That's why it can be like you. That's why you've seen, like I said, the ugly, the, the good everything. Cat doesn't know what's 

[01:12:42] Eldar: coming right. To mm-hmm. Ka doesn't know what's coming. Right. 

[01:12:47] Toliy: I would 

[01:12:47] Eldar: say no. She doesn't know. No.

[01:12:51] What's going 

[01:12:51] Speaker 4: on? 

[01:12:52] Eldar: Listen, 30 years is approaching. We've been together for 17. Wow. 13 years. Get your shit together. Shape up. Shape up. I'm telling you, I, I, I mean what I say, what I eat or what I want, 

[01:13:04] Mike: uh, say what I mean and I mean what I say. Yes. 

[01:13:07] Katherine: Stop drinking. Yeah. 

[01:13:10] Eldar: Dennis used to always call me. He's like, yo, you had enough.

[01:13:12] Yeah. Too much. You took it. Too much shit now much shit. Yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, love is important for sure, and I agree with this a hundred percent. Yeah. It definitely is a kickstarter to that. So you know what came to mind when you said that connection? Mm-hmm. Then to a degree then I have love for the individuals that are violated as well, because if that 

[01:13:38] Mike: was a 

[01:13:38] Eldar: hundred percent, I said 10 minutes ago, you let everybody bully you.

[01:13:41] There you go. You've said that and now I just connected those two. Yeah. That like, okay. Then if those individuals who came to violate me mm-hmm. I'm able to meet them with love. Mm-hmm. They have no other choice but to shape up. Yeah. Center, babe. 

[01:13:57] Toliy: Well, 

[01:13:57] Speaker 4: yeah. 

[01:13:58] Toliy: I thought that was established 

[01:13:59] Speaker 9: already. That is established.

[01:14:01] I thought that that was, you 

[01:14:02] Toliy: have a lot of compassion for the retards. Yeah. 

[01:14:07] Katherine: Yeah. Some were cute, 

[01:14:08] Eldar: but it's not accident. Don't, don't say like, I just was born with the shit. You know what I'm saying? Not by accident. 

[01:14:14] Mike: No. I don't think it's a by accident. No. Yeah. I think you understand the, the, the gig, the human condition.

[01:14:18] Yes. 

[01:14:19] Toliy: Well, yes, yes. Like that. And, and again, you can only understand those things like once you're, like, your own human condition is more like under, um, yeah. Un under control. But yeah. Like, uh, as it's like a highly developing human, like, um, but I think, I think ultimately 

[01:14:39] Mike: we all understood is that as much as possible, he wants to have fun.

[01:14:42] Eldar: Yes. Mike, read my mind again. I was gonna say that guys, there's only one thing I understood, like I said, is that this shit is crazy set up in such a way as for us to have as much fun as possible. Yeah. And that motherfucker upstairs, downstairs, whoever you wanna want. Mm-hmm. Whoever you wanna fucking worship or whatever, he designed it that way.

[01:15:01] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[01:15:02] Eldar: He wants us to have the most amount of fun. 

[01:15:04] Speaker 4: Yeah. 

[01:15:05] Eldar: That's possible. However, there's an equation to it, and his equation is fucking written out. But you have to think, you have to li listen and pay attention to what's actually going on. And the more you think and pay attention, the more likely you will find a way to fucking enjoy yourself and have fun.

[01:15:19] Mm-hmm. 

[01:15:19] Toliy: And the people who are retarded at life, they'll look at these things like, like, just, just like we look at the higher grys, uh, like right now. Yeah. Fuck are all these birds and eagles and triangles here? Exactly. What the fuck is this? This makes no sense. Exactly. You know? But somebody was fucking having fun.

[01:15:32] Why are they pointing to this corner? Yes. This corner is important, you know? Yes, yes. 

[01:15:37] Eldar: So, yeah, that's it. Mm-hmm. It's fucking fun. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And I think, and, and, and it doesn't fucking strike me as surprising or coincidence or whatever, that our first episode ever was on fun. Mm-hmm. 

[01:15:49] Speaker 4: Yeah. 

[01:15:50] Eldar: Because I think, I don't wanna define it for everyone here.

[01:15:55] Speaker 7: Well, but I'm gonna have to say it. 

[01:15:57] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[01:15:58] Speaker 7: God is fun. 

[01:15:59] Speaker 4: Mm. 

[01:16:02] Speaker 7: That's it. You like it or no? Yeah, that's it. You know 

[01:16:09] Eldar: that. I think that's the closest that we can do, right. Where we can have obviously fun, where you are enjoying yourself, but obviously not hurting others. Yeah. Maliciously, I'm not talking about that kind of stuff.

[01:16:19] Yeah. I'm talking about actually having fun where you can learn, you can enjoy, you can explore, you can be curious about the world. 

[01:16:25] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[01:16:27] Eldar: As much as possible. So when I met you 13, 4, 17 years ago, I said, look, I feel it. I know it. I can break your walls, I can help you out. And she's like, oh, 

[01:16:38] Speaker 7: shit. 

[01:16:39] Eldar: He knows.

[01:16:39] Speaker 7: Mm-hmm. 

[01:16:41] Eldar: Obviously this whole time, what do we wish for you guys to do the same thing? Mm-hmm. To be able to go out there and tell 'em, they're like, yo, I know what you don't know. Come with me and I'll show you. 

[01:16:50] Katherine: Mm-hmm. That's 

[01:16:51] Eldar: it. 

[01:16:52] Katherine: You took me outta the cave or are you trying to We're in a cave. I'm still, you're still, you're still blowing me out.

[01:16:58] We're 

[01:16:58] Mike: trying. Yeah. 

[01:16:59] Katherine: I see the light. 

[01:17:00] Mike: Yeah. Yeah. And, and the way, like, again, like to tie it back to what you just said, like, uh, the fun thing, identifying the things in your life that are not fun. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Is part of 

[01:17:15] Speaker 7: Yeah. 

[01:17:16] Mike: Actually a good life. That's why. Correct. That's why. But those things, they're hidden.

[01:17:21] They're, they're very confusing. They're, they're confusing. Yes. Yes. Yeah. You have to make sense of that. They're very confusing. Yeah. Yeah. 

[01:17:25] Katherine: Can I add to that? I think that part of it is, I think removing things that are not, that are not serving me is important. Mm-hmm. But I also think, um, one thing that I, I liked that I heard today when I was listening to that, it was also, um,

[01:17:42] seeing how you can appreciate things, right? So like, you go out and you walk, like, let's say your dog, Teddy. Around the same blocks every single day. Right. And the trees and the sidewalk and the houses, they all start looking the same. 'cause you do it every single day, right? Mm-hmm. But if you stop, slow down a little bit and try to notice on that walk, you know what, let me try to notice like three, three things that I don't usually pay attention to.

[01:18:04] And I'm like, oh, I didn't realize that that house was, had such a nice, uh, painting on the, uh, side or, you know. Mm-hmm. These little things. It's appreciating, starting to appreciate, um, things and, and kind of, 

[01:18:19] Mike: yeah. 

[01:18:19] Katherine: It kind of breeds not positive sense. Iactually had a funny, um, sense, funny example of what you 

[01:18:24] Mike: just said.

[01:18:25] Mm-hmm. Like what you just said. Me and Teddy, we walk mostly the same areas every day, you know? And is Teddy a lizard or a dog, or? He's a dog. Dog. He's a puppet's. He's a pups, 

[01:18:36] Eldar: a lizard. Double check. What 

[01:18:38] Toliy: do you think he walks as Aana? Some, some people do. There's some weird things. People are out there in the world, you know what I mean?

[01:18:43] You want to, 

[01:18:44] Eldar: you want to confirm these 

[01:18:45] Mike: things. 

[01:18:45] Eldar: Okay. 

[01:18:46] Mike: So, uh, maybe like a month, maybe a little bit more. Mm-hmm. You know, me and me and Teddy been, uh, we walked like the same areas every, every day. Mm-hmm. 

[01:18:54] Speaker 8: You know? Yeah. Take him 

[01:18:55] Mike: on the same walks either up the hill, down the hill. 

[01:18:57] Speaker 8: Mm-hmm. 

[01:18:58] Mike: Down to the lake, up to the, this hill, that hill, whatever, you know.

[01:19:01] And recently, like, like I said, about a month, maybe a little bit more ago, he we're walking up the hill, the big hill by my house. Mm-hmm. And in the middle of the hill. He kind of goes towards the right, doesn't cross the street, but he stops by the, by the curb not to go into the street. And he stops and he looks at me, you know, and he's never done this before.

[01:19:25] Mm. You know, can we go there? He's like, Hey, can we go there? I wanna explore. Yeah. And you did. And I'm like, all right, hold on. Lemme put on a leash. Yeah. You know, I tell him this, like, I'm communicating with him verbally as well. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. And, and I put on a leash with him and then we go sick and now every time.

[01:19:41] And I was like, Hey, that is so fun. Yeah. 'cause we just had like a moment. It was really cute. Yes. That's nice. It was real fun. We understood each other. Sick. He communicated what he wanted. Sick. I thought that was fun because I was like, Hey, he's speaking to me. You know? Yeah. Mm-hmm. So we crossed the street and now every time, wow.

[01:19:56] We, we, most of the time that he would do this, do the same thing every time he wants a cross. What example if in his top perfect example, that is a good example. It's a 

[01:20:02] Katherine: perfect example. 'cause it shows in that moment the curiosity. 

[01:20:06] Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah. 

[01:20:07] Katherine: Um, just appreciating the moment for what it is. But it opens your mind.

[01:20:11] Yeah. It, it, it completely takes you on a different path. Yes. 

[01:20:15] Eldar: But the only way for my be able to do that is to be able to really pay attention within that moment of like, of course he wants something different. I tuned into him. It's mindfulness. Yes. It really is 

[01:20:24] Katherine: mindfulness in a way. 

[01:20:25] Toliy: You can't do that if you're tired or anxious or all cannot, you'll not see it.

[01:20:30] You'll not see it. This is why totally 

[01:20:32] Eldar: has a stack of cardboard on his fucking dining table and he don't see it. Fuck you. Yeah. I saw it there. Fuck you. 

[01:20:39] Speaker 9: Whoa. That escalated. 

[01:20:42] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:20:43] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. It's difficult to like, you know, like to, to, those are 

[01:20:47] Katherine: called doom piles. Totally. 

[01:20:49] Toliy: It, it, it wasn't like he, he he's exaggerating.

[01:20:52] Wait, 

[01:20:52] Speaker 9: you don't have to defend the pile. I'm just saying they're doom piles. It 

[01:20:55] Toliy: was four times. It was a, the speakers, those four little boxes. Yeah. There was more stuff on the table though, too. Well, no, because there's, uh, we we're not done with the lock yet. The lock the camera. Yes. We're not done with 

[01:21:06] Mike: the yet.

[01:21:06] Yeah. Well, the camera's done. The camera, yeah. The camera lock. 

[01:21:13] Toliy: Oh, no. But that, no, but we're not done with like the, the handle We're not done. No. The sensor. 

[01:21:17] Mike: Yeah. Yeah. But the, that's part of the lock. Oh, the stuff. Yeah. Okay. I thought the sensor was over there. Okay. Yeah. So, 

[01:21:24] Toliy: yeah. So, yeah. So that, that, that's, that's, 

[01:21:27] Mike: um, 

[01:21:29] Toliy: those are for sure good things, but I think that there, there, there's like a lot that needs to be taken care of to be able to even have a chance to enjoy any of those things.

[01:21:38] Like mm-hmm. Like, like people who have problems like that, they're gonna be like, what the hell are you talking about? 

[01:21:43] Katherine: Yeah. A a lot of, yeah. A lot of things. Things kind of have to fall into place. Yeah. You to 

[01:21:46] Toliy: go for a walk and pay attention to like the nature. Like they're, yeah, they're, they're like, I got crazy problems, you know, every time that 

[01:21:52] Mike: me and other, not every time, but a lot of times me and elder walk, he's big into like, you know, gardening and he always spots mm-hmm.

[01:22:00] Trees, always fruits like. All kinds of stuff. And I'm like, wow. Well, well, obviously because he loves this kind of stuff, but he's walking and he's seeing that I may be seeing something else. You know, like, uh, now when I walk I'm always hunting for rocks, but I already exhausted all the walks by my house.

[01:22:17] But you know, like you hunt for, you look for different things that you actually have like a, that you're drawn to, that you're interested in that makes you happy or it's fun for you, you know? 

[01:22:27] Toliy: Yeah. I, I, I also walk pretty much like the same, like two, two areas, like around me and like, um, like I, yeah, like now, now I definitely walk and I can like respect people that have like a sick upper variety wall or like a sick green giants planted, you know, or like, like I would never even remotely Yeah.

[01:22:46] Look at, look at exactly those kinds of like things or like, oh, someone did this really nice, or like, wow, like, look at that person's porch, um, set up, you know? Like, I saw a guy just the other night, he was, uh, wa watching the Yankees game on his porch. Like he, he just set up like a chair for himself. Oh yeah.

[01:23:02] I saw you 

[01:23:02] Mike: sent the picture. Yeah, 

[01:23:03] Toliy: he, he, he, it just like, he, he, he just like sitting on his porch by himself. Mm-hmm. He got like a sweater and he's just watching the Yankees game on, on his porch, you know? So like, he, that's great. So he did his own little mm-hmm. Setup to have his own comfort, like enjoy himself like a thing, you know?

[01:23:19] Yeah. Um. So, 

[01:23:23] Speaker 10: so 

[01:23:24] Eldar: what are you guys saying, man? 

[01:23:26] Toliy: Yeah, I, I, I, I don't know if you remember, but I brought up this, um, topic, like, I mean, not like a crazy while ago, but I think earlier in like the summer or like year, um, there, there's a, a, a feeling that someone gets when like, when they're like really progressing and they're onto something, they feel like they're chipping away at something.

[01:23:47] Speaker 8: Okay. 

[01:23:47] Toliy: You know? And that's like one type of person Uhhuh. Right. And you feel really good when you're in that like mode where like, you kind of like, you feel like combination of like productive, you're doing like the right things, like you sleeping well, like, you know, just like thing things are going well moving and you feel that like, like the, like you're, you're just chipping away at like life almost.

[01:24:07] Right? Okay. Like, you're like actually progressing, you know, like you're crushing 

[01:24:10] Speaker 6: it. 

[01:24:10] Toliy: Yeah. Mm-hmm. And then there's like a different feeling where like someone's like constantly facing, like, like, like there there's times where I have, where like I feel like I have all these different problems and then like, I don't feel like I'm chip chipping away at like, some something, you know?

[01:24:25] And I feel like tho those two things and, and, and like, they can be like day to day almost, where like one day you feel that way and the next day, like you feel that, like 

[01:24:33] Speaker 11: you are like rollercoasters. 

[01:24:34] Toliy: Yeah. Like you, you have like a, like a, like a whole new problem and this is now a big deal. But then like, you, you, like, you probably feel that way because you're compromised with like either like sleep or stress or something that you're not able to like, reason properly, you know?

[01:24:48] And like. Actually see what's going on. But like, yeah, like for, for, for me, like the best feeling I have is when I feel like, like I'm chipping away at something, you know, like mm-hmm. You wake up good, you do this. Like, things are just kind of good. Yeah. But even though you're progressing, but what if, 

[01:25:04] Eldar: what if, what if, um, having that feeling all the time is almost like a, a reflection that it's at a up and then you must have a down.

[01:25:12] Yeah. Why don't you look for like, like a middle way 

[01:25:15] Katherine: on the days that you don't Exactly. Are feel that Yeah. Not chipping away then it's bad. Like, then you have a perception of like, oh, you're crash crashing down every time. Sometimes it's bad. Yeah. But 

[01:25:22] Toliy: like, it's, it's hard to unsee that or unfeel that.

[01:25:25] Mm-hmm. When like, you have that kind of day and you're just like, Hey, like, today was a great day. 

[01:25:30] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[01:25:30] Toliy: Right? Like then you want that tomorrow to be that kind of same way. Oh man. 

[01:25:35] Katherine: Yeah. That's the attachment to it. But yeah, no, yeah. That's 

[01:25:37] Toliy: the attachment to it. Yeah. I think it's great 

[01:25:39] Katherine: to, to, to before bed.

[01:25:40] And if you sit there and like, wow, I did a bunch of great things today. If you, I, today was a great day, I think that's a good thing. But then having the attachment for the next day, I always found That's so 

[01:25:49] Eldar: hard. 

[01:25:50] Katherine: That's tough. You 

[01:25:51] Eldar: know? Yeah. You know what? 

[01:25:51] Katherine: Yeah, because then you're setting yourself up almost like does, if it doesn't turn out that way.

[01:25:55] What are they 

[01:25:55] Mike: called? 

[01:25:56] Eldar: Ups and downs? 

[01:25:57] Mike: No, no. The like, the thing of saying, oh, I had a great day today. Like, sitting down or like, uh, or reflecting. Or reflecting like that. Like as a, like in a consistent schedule. Like a daily kind of, yeah. Like people journal every day. Like hours, moments of gratitude or something.

[01:26:08] Speaker 6: Yeah. 

[01:26:09] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:26:09] Eldar: You, 

[01:26:09] Mike: you 

[01:26:09] Eldar: do that every night. What that thing. No, what the fuck? You don't already journal overnight. Well, how do you reflect that as a good day mentally? What? You 

[01:26:18] Katherine: mentally say it? No. Usually 

[01:26:20] Eldar: when do you fucking do the ch When? When do you do the boxes? What do you mean boxes? I just said like, when do you like, do the thing where like, okay, what's today a good day or bad day?

[01:26:29] Toliy: No, it's just like, like when do you evaluate, bro? Like throughout the whole day. I'm reevaluating consciously. Are you serious? What? This is crazy. That's what he's doing that almost all day. Are you fucking nuts? Like, remember like, like, like yesterday and today I called you and I'm like, yo, I feel good. You know?

[01:26:45] Are you nuts? What? What do you mean you're a lunatic? You a lunatic, bro. I'm a sick motherfucker. I 

[01:26:52] Speaker 11: know you're a lunatic, 

[01:26:53] Toliy: bro. You know a lunatic. 

[01:26:54] Eldar: You're constantly giving yourself fucking pop-up quizzes, bro. 

[01:26:57] Toliy: Not giving myself quizzes. I, I just acknowledge trying pop up together. It's no, 

[01:27:01] Eldar: it's a popup quiz.

[01:27:02] Pop quiz. You know what I'm saying? When a teacher, when a teacher don't tell you fuck outta you. Surprise, we go to quiz. No, it's when you ask yourself surprised what the fuck are how we feel today? Are you surprised? 

[01:27:13] Toliy: No guys, I'm like, I like, I don't what's happening here? Don't scheduled evaluations as to like, how, how are things go going?

[01:27:20] I don't have that. I just have like these moments where I feel good and I'm like, wow, I feel good. 

[01:27:26] Mike: I wanna repeat this. Wait, but when you, when you say, oh, I feel good. Are you surprised that you feel good? Um, am I surprised? 

[01:27:34] Toliy: Yeah, of course. He's surprised when, when there's like, it almost sounded like he is, when he was saying, when there's like, when there's like a chain of it.

[01:27:40] That, that, that that's when I get a little bit surprised. Yeah. Until it becomes like a normal thing. And then I'm like, Hey, I'm no longer surprised about this because like, this is like, I've seen life already. I've seen life already. They say it, it takes Mystic Mac. It. Wait, wait, were you talking about for the good things or for the bad things?

[01:27:57] Both. Both. Both. Probably. Oh, no, I, I was talking about for like the good things, you know? Yeah, I hope so. Like, yeah, like a co a couple days in the row I'm like, yeah, I'm surprised. But then once I make like an actual change and it's long so you always shooting in the dark with the shit, what the fuck are you talking about?

[01:28:13] Yeah. That's what, that's what I 

[01:28:15] Mike: wanna know. Wait, how am I shooting in the dark? Surprised. Yeah. If you're surprised. What with you shooting in the 

[01:28:19] Toliy: dark? What you mean? Talking, talking about

[01:28:25] what's wrong with you? I don't understand what you're saying right now. 

[01:28:30] Speaker 12: Our topic has taken turn. Yeah. What, what, 

[01:28:33] Toliy: what do you, what do you like, 

[01:28:33] Eldar: like, well, Mike is right, like if you are surprised as to like how you feel, like the fact that you're feeling good, that means like, no, how much this, this was not like a calculated effort to get there.

[01:28:41] You know what I mean? It, it's a calculated effort. We feel good right now. 

[01:28:45] Speaker 4: No double down. Well, no, of course 

[01:28:47] Eldar: calculated things. Do more of keto Right? Now 

[01:28:52] Toliy: of course there's calculated efforts that are happening. I'm saying, but like, you don't sit down or just think about acknowledging them obviously. Like we, we don't just like Uhhuh like show gratitude for example.

[01:29:03] For like, yeah. For those things. Okay. For like doing that and then when I actually like have like that kind of moment where like, okay, I do, and I acknowledge that I feel good. Then I'm like, oh, wow. I feel good. You like patting yourself in the back. The thing is that I don't feel that kind. What do you mean?

[01:29:19] Mike: I'm just asking whether or not it's like a thing. He's definitely shooting in the dark. Yeah. What I've gathered from, yeah. No. How 

[01:29:25] Toliy: am I shooting in the dark? 

[01:29:27] Mike: I'm just agreeing with all that. Yeah. Oh, okay. 

[01:29:30] Toliy: Yes, Mike, I got you. Thank you. I'll assign you honor. Yeah. No, no. I, I didn't 

[01:29:34] Speaker 4: like, 

[01:29:35] Toliy: yeah. I'm not sure what to say.

[01:29:37] Right. 

[01:29:39] Eldar: Which is honestly good. This is good. It's fine. You have to tap out. I also dunno what to say. No, I, I think based on what you're saying is that, look, I like to live on this edge of like,

[01:29:50] what kind of day is it gonna be today? Like what? Fuck you mean edge bro. What edge am I living on? Living? Well, the edge that you just described, like, you like, oh wow. Like we good today. Like, you know what I mean? Or like, fuck, don't fuck man, we fucked up again, bro. Like, what? What's up with us? Like what a con conversation bro.

[01:30:09] Bro. Maybe 

[01:30:10] Mike: he wants to treat himself every day so he sets up these trash strip himself like, oh bro,

[01:30:17] Toliy: I don't understand what you're talking about right now. I think Ka does a little bit. 

[01:30:23] Speaker 12: Well, he just said it's 

[01:30:24] Eldar: funny, this cat does it actually. You know what I mean? Yeah. We're good today. You know, we could eat a oh, a quadi right now, you know what I mean? Maybe four,

[01:30:36] the little,

[01:30:39] so you know, you see, I didn't make a fucking Sandra Bullock reference, bro.

[01:30:48] Toliy: Yeah, no, I'm, I'm definitely not like patting myself in the back. Like, I'm definitely not, I not doing that. I'm saying that like I, like I in general, like I don't have like 

[01:30:57] Eldar: good, like this is, babe, this is the point. I'm sorry to cut you off. This is the point where I told you that if we hang on every word.

[01:31:04] If you pay attention to it, because the person might have structured it the wrong way. We can hang on it so much because it's so funny and we could call it out where the other person, they have to evaluate what they said, rethink it, and then try to re-say it. But this whole time we are having fun. 

[01:31:21] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

[01:31:21] Because 

[01:31:21] Eldar: we have a relationship where like he knows we don't not mean well for him, we mean him. Well, obviously, you know what I mean. Here we can dig, we can challenge, we can shame, we can do all those things maybe a little bit over at at his expense and have fun with it. You understand? 

[01:31:36] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[01:31:36] Eldar: If Mike said the same nonsense, he'd do the same thing to him and vice versa, and it keeps going and going and going.

[01:31:42] If you have that type of open relationship, you can actually have fun. So when a person is sitting here, for example, with an Aggie face, and you'll be like, yo, what the fuck is wrong with you? 

[01:31:51] Katherine: Like, loosen up. 

[01:31:52] Eldar: That's right. 

[01:31:53] Katherine: Yeah. Yeah. You can 

[01:31:54] Eldar: sometimes get to the point right when we can cut to the chase and I could tell totally yo enough of this and they'd be like, oh, okay, I got it.

[01:32:00] Like enough. You know what I mean? Like you don't have to pick your uh, words carefully. Then with your friends that are really close, you could just tell straight up to their face and they can appreciate that because they obviously wish you well. You know what I mean? Without needing to find a way to like, how do I properly say this?

[01:32:18] What words, you know, ask Chad GPT, you know? Mm-hmm. You don't have to do all that, you know, because there's already a dynamic, there's already a relationship where we can explore and have fun with. And the thing is, the way that God designed it is that there's so many people out there, so there's unlimited amount of fun you can have, but it requires paying attention.

[01:32:44] But you sold yourself out to the devil somewhere else, that your attention is given to where? 

[01:32:49] Katherine: Elsewhere, to the 

[01:32:51] Eldar: Gucci, to the, this identity that I have to upkeep to this image that I've created. Why are 

[01:32:57] Katherine: you saying Gucci though? Like, 

[01:32:58] Eldar: I'm just saying because I think a lot of people can relate to it. Yeah.

[01:33:01] That's, that's the only reason I'm saying it. 

[01:33:03] Katherine: Material stuff. And those people 

[01:33:04] Eldar: won't even understand it. I've been saying it, you know, now that I examine it. Mm. Uh, but yeah, you, you start silly things. You start silly things start needing to uphold this relationship, that dynamic, this thing, that thing. Next thing you know, you're drained.

[01:33:17] And then when Catherine has to sit down and fart, you know, at night and just enjoy some tea, she can't, she's too uptight. My stomach. Mm-hmm. Oh, I'm bloated. I can't go to her bathroom, you know, and all this other crap. Mm-hmm. Not feeling good. 

[01:33:31] Speaker 4: Yeah. 

[01:33:32] Eldar: Because the whole day you were like, this tense, tense riding is fucking people fleeing train.

[01:33:37] Of course. Yeah. That's why you 

[01:33:39] Mike: have the stomach issues and Oh, about a hundred percent. Yeah. Things like that because of the 

[01:33:42] Eldar: stress and anxiety, because you, you, you, you internalizing it Yeah. And, and defending yourself every single time, so you ball up mm-hmm. With anxiety and all this other crap. 

[01:33:52] Speaker 4: Yeah.

[01:33:53] Eldar: Yeah. But like, that's another thing, 

[01:33:54] Speaker 4: you know? Yeah. 

[01:33:56] Eldar: But if you're not having fun, that's your answer that, that. That something's not going right. You're tiptoeing somewhere and you are closing your eyes. That the fact that you are tiptoeing mm-hmm. In that moment, you're tiptoe with your husband. 

[01:34:09] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[01:34:09] Eldar: You know what people say, like it, like, even though, even though everything is leading to the fact that, uh, she's gonna have to tip tiptoe around me mm-hmm.

[01:34:20] Because my bar, when my bar is identified, finally identified Right. It's gonna be set so high that the person has to be very careful for every word that they say, but she don't see the bar yet. 

[01:34:34] Katherine: Mm-hmm. Yay. I can't wait. 

[01:34:37] Eldar: You know what I'm saying? 

[01:34:38] Toliy: I, I, I definitely know what you're saying, 

[01:34:42] Eldar: sir. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

[01:34:44] Told you were gonna say something, some nonsense. 

[01:34:46] Toliy: No, no. Just say it like a, like a, like a famous expression for like laughing and like, like people say, Hey, I, I laugh so hard. I almost peed my pants, for example. Right? Yeah. 

[01:34:56] Speaker 8: Yeah. Release. Like 

[01:34:57] Toliy: pee is supposed, like, you're only supposed to be able to pee when you're very relaxed, right?

[01:35:00] Yeah. Yeah. And that's when you're laughing. 

[01:35:02] Eldar: Yes. That's a good point. 

[01:35:03] Toliy: Right? It can't be like, Hey, like, I was so upset, I almost peed my pants, you know? Yeah. Like, yeah. No, no one like says that, right? For, for example. 

[01:35:11] Eldar: Yeah. You know, this is true. This is true. What about the crapping part? What if you crappy your pants?

[01:35:17] That can definitely happen. If you're nervous, make a shit outta yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Babe, what do you got? Like, you have a lot going on in your headache. Well, I just 

[01:35:26] Katherine: wanna like bring it back to like, 

[01:35:28] Eldar: did you learn anything? 

[01:35:29] Katherine: The, you know, so like getting back to, you know, really finding your identity standing 10 toes down on, you know, like standing strong on that.

[01:35:39] Like, I think maybe that, that identity thing, I think is, is something that I have to work on. You know, 

[01:35:47] Toliy: I, I, I also think for like Kat, I think that like, we're, we're perfect like a, like a test dummies to practice on a hundred percent. But, you know, she's still afraid. Yeah. Like mm-hmm. You know, like you could be honest with us and you can make fun of us and you can learn, you know, I told her, I encouraged her.

[01:36:03] I said, go get into a fight. 

[01:36:06] Eldar: You have to get into fights. Yeah. You have to get into confrontations and Yes, the best subject says Mike and Totally. 'cause they're the closest, get into fights with them or disagree with them, but get to the point where if you're right, you stand on the fucking truth and you be right.

[01:36:21] But if you're wrong, you take it on the chin and you become better. 

[01:36:24] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[01:36:25] Eldar: But get into the fight. Yeah. It's very important. 

[01:36:28] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. Because then if you practice on us and then it, like, you know, like you end up seeing things, then it'll be much easier when you, 

[01:36:36] Eldar: you know, correct. Out there in the world.

[01:36:41] Toliy: Yes. Yeah, because it's 

[01:36:42] Eldar: a how do you practice also this like, well, I mean there's, because it's 

[01:36:46] Toliy: also like we, we don't challenge probably back, like, I'll give you examples if you want. Yeah, no, no, no, go ahead. 

[01:36:51] Eldar: I have actual real life examples. A lot of times you disagree with the way totally moves. A lot of times you disagree with the way Mike moves.

[01:37:01] I'm able to express myself when totally moves a certain type of way. Or Mike moves a certain type of way. You're not, you, you talk through me. 

[01:37:09] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[01:37:10] Eldar: Like, oh, this, that, and third. 

[01:37:12] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[01:37:13] Eldar: You know what I mean? You keep it to yourself. So I should, you should challenge, challenge. You should say, Hey, why'd you do this?

[01:37:19] I don't know how to challenge, I don't understand this. You know what I mean? You don't have that dynamic with that relationship or that kind of thing. So you are always in the hiding, in the shadows in that room, in the closet. It's closing. Like you, like peeking in. Like, Hey babe, like, did you see that? You know what I'm saying?

[01:37:36] Okay. It, it could be minor things. Yeah. You know, like it why's totally calling you about the same fucking,

[01:37:45] uh, decision that he is trying to make about buying a fork. You know what I mean? Like some trivial shit, you know, like, what's, what's up? You know? 

[01:37:52] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[01:37:53] Eldar: You know, I'm trying to remember it now, but uh, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, 

[01:37:57] Katherine: yeah. I understand. 

[01:37:58] Eldar: You know what I'm saying? You know, next time you chirp about these things, I'll tell you, like ask him.

[01:38:03] Toliy: Like prob probably. Yeah. Like, I know like, like there's plenty of times I call elder in the morning and it like, I probably have no nothing to say. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Like I, I, I definitely know this, you know? Yeah. I, I definitely don't like, always know it, like in the moment that like, hey, this is what's happening.

[01:38:19] Right. 

[01:38:20] Katherine: You realize once it's happening 

[01:38:21] Toliy: Yeah. May, may, maybe one once it's happening. Right. And I'm sure you, you obviously like hear it. Mm-hmm. You could definitely like throw like a Well, yeah, she says, she says it, she, she is in the bathroom. She's like, 

[01:38:30] Eldar: why did he call you? Yeah. '

[01:38:32] Speaker 12: cause elder would actually say, so like, I'm sleeping.

[01:38:35] You're saying nothing. I'm saying that. I like, wait, so then why did he call? I'm 

[01:38:39] Eldar: totally like, yo, you not, you didn't say anything. Mm-hmm. Yeah. 

[01:38:41] Speaker 12: Hes elder says this a lot. You, you know, and Kas like, 

[01:38:44] Eldar: why, why did he call you? So I'm like, so like, know why did he call? Yeah, exactly. Good point. 

[01:38:49] Speaker 4: Yeah. 

[01:38:50] Eldar: Yeah. That's a good 

[01:38:50] Katherine: point.

[01:38:50] Yeah. Yeah. 

[01:38:51] Eldar: You know, but like, but she won't say it to him. Mm-hmm. Just say it to me. No, that 

[01:38:55] Speaker 12: would be rude. You know? Yeah. This is how, how like I have to unlock that. Like, I would just be rude to say, Hey, why are you calling? No, no, no, no, no. You know, 

[01:39:04] Eldar: no. You could take it the Aggie way or you could have fun with it, obviously.

[01:39:07] And I think that a lot of times, yeah, 

[01:39:09] Katherine: I don't know. I don't know how to do that. That's what Im trying to say. I know you're not supposed to be, because I don't know how your ass is 

[01:39:13] Eldar: clinched. Yes. And you hold in the bubble 

[01:39:15] Katherine: uptight. 

[01:39:16] Eldar: You're tight, 

[01:39:16] Katherine: uptight. Absolutely. 

[01:39:18] Eldar: You know, you can't relax, you can't enjoy yourself.

[01:39:20] Right. Where you can have fun and throw a jab at Totally. And be like, yo, what the fuck is wrong with you? Kind of thing. You know, whatever the jab might be. Where it's funny, where it's light, but maybe it raises a little bit of awareness, you know? No, it does. You know, this is, this is interesting. 

[01:39:32] Katherine: Yeah. It raises awareness, of course.

[01:39:33] But like, it's also like, I find that the dynamic that you guys is very specific and outside of this group, it's hard to find this, like this relationship that you guys have. Yeah, that's one. Two, you guys are also, your guys guys are way more, 

[01:39:56] Eldar: you wanna identify as a guy one day. 

[01:39:59] Katherine: No, what I'm, what I'm trying to say is, is you guys are, you know, have the ability to like, have more fun, be more like the opposite of uptight, like men.

[01:40:10] Men generally just have more fun and, and just can laugh about things. Laugh about topics that just in general women are more uptight about. So, 

[01:40:19] Mike: but is that by taking this, is that the truth? Or is that by Yeah. 

[01:40:22] Katherine: No, but taking this into like the female realm, it's a little bit harder the way I'm seeing it right now.

[01:40:29] So like, you know, like. Finding my way in there is, is, is, is, is gonna be very interesting. Well, it sounds like a 

[01:40:35] Eldar: female identity has been like very stuff. 

[01:40:39] Katherine: Yeah, it could be. I'm saying like some degree. Right. You know, it, it's just, it's just, just, it's different where it's a little 

[01:40:44] Eldar: bit more uptight. It's a little bit more serious.

[01:40:47] Mike: Yeah. It's, but just different. But I feel like you have a more of like a bugging out identity with like, uh, Alina where she's more wild. She like talks shit. You guys are more loud. You don't, you are more like, uh, more like us. Yeah, 

[01:41:00] Katherine: I think so. Alina specifically, she's a good example because she actually, I think she gets along with you guys pretty well.

[01:41:07] Like, she likes you guys. Like she can, you know, take the jokes and all that stuff. 

[01:41:11] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[01:41:12] Katherine: But I don't think everyone, for sure. I don't know. 

[01:41:16] Mike: It's not, well, no, what I'm just saying is that it's not necessarily that it's, it's a guy thing. Yeah, definitely. Guys are maybe more like easygoing and 

[01:41:25] Katherine: easygoing and can laugh about things.

[01:41:27] Yeah. But it's not a fact. But some, 

[01:41:28] Toliy: some guys though, guys, it's not a fact. Yeah. I'm not saying that 

[01:41:31] Katherine: there's not easy going girls or that the, some guys can't be uptight. Like we've, we've, you know, we've pulled, there's plenty of guys that we wanna send 

[01:41:37] Eldar: to a female side if they want to transition. And there's plenty, probably girls that I'm just, I'm just 

[01:41:41] Katherine: saying like, the dynamics are different between girls and, you know, like you could be perceived more mean or, or, or something like that.

[01:41:48] Or arrogant if you come too confident or mean if you say certain comments. Whereas guys I think maybe have like maybe thicker skin or I don't know, you know? No. So I'm, I just have to, 

[01:42:00] Eldar: if the truth is that, look, we're, we're experiencing this thing called life through human experience. 

[01:42:06] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[01:42:06] Eldar: All of us. And we're trying to find a way to have fun.

[01:42:09] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. Because 

[01:42:10] Eldar: we identified that when we have fun, we like it. Yeah. Right. The basic math, if we have fun, we like it, whatever the fucking fun is. But a lot of times when we define fun is actually like, it is closely tied to being our true selves, right. At a core, and let's call it, for everyone to be able to relate us to be a child, be a kid.

[01:42:31] Mm-hmm. When we fucking rode the bike in the fucking air and you know, the wind in our air, in our hair, and all this other crap. Yeah. You know, or ride a skateboard. What else is out there rollerblading. 

[01:42:43] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[01:42:44] Eldar: You know, all those fun little activities that we're having fun with where nobody cares. Like you're just doing your thing and, uh, you don't care about any judgment.

[01:42:52] You're just doing it. You know, you are in the moment, you're present. Nothing worries. There's no schoolwork, there's no homework, there's no job, there's no boyfriend and girlfriend, there's nothing. 

[01:43:01] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[01:43:02] Eldar: Right. That's the fun. That's the actual thing in us that we're trying to bring out. So, what was I trying to fucking say?

[01:43:11] I dunno. I 

[01:43:11] Toliy: dunno. You're saying absolutely nothing. 

[01:43:13] Eldar: What do you mean? I was talking about fun. You're talking about 

[01:43:15] Toliy: rollerblading 

[01:43:16] Eldar: and skateboarding, talking about Yes. I was trying to connect it to the fact that Catherine mm-hmm. Ultimately is what, what is fighting for. Yeah. Right. It's trying to get to the identity of males and females that were talked about the difference.

[01:43:28] Like, oh, females is this way. No, but ultimately females are trying to have fun too. Everybody, everybody's trying to have fun because we all have a human experience. Try, stop trying to confuse me, Todd. You know what I mean? We all are humans. Mm-hmm. And we're all trying to have fun. Yeah. 'cause when we do fun, it feels good.

[01:43:43] Of course. 

[01:43:43] Katherine: Yeah. 

[01:43:44] Eldar: That's 

[01:43:44] Speaker 8: it. 

[01:43:45] Katherine: Yeah. I, so there's a language out 

[01:43:46] Eldar: there that, it's called fun. Find it. 

[01:43:48] Katherine: And I think if, if you're having fun, there's less space for negativity. 

[01:43:53] Eldar: Well, don't you, there doesn't exist. There's, there's no time for, there's no time for that. There's no timeframe. There's like, it don't exist.

[01:43:58] Katherine: Exactly. Right. For a 

[01:43:59] Eldar: person who's having fun and trying to look for fun, like 

[01:44:01] Katherine: negativity or pessimism or like negative things. You No. There's got no time for that. You, that's, there's got no time for that. Yeah. It highlights yes. Goodness. And correct. You know, 

[01:44:08] Toliy: time, time also moves a lot. Like, it feels like it's, you know.

[01:44:11] It moves faster when, when you're having fun. Mm-hmm. That's right. That's why everyone felt that gym class was the shortest period. Right? 

[01:44:17] Katherine: That's 

[01:44:17] Toliy: true. In comparison to any other period. So I need 

[01:44:19] Katherine: to learn how to have more fun, learn more about my identity, do something more, I guess, soul searching. 

[01:44:27] Eldar: Well, sure.

[01:44:27] See, I'm identity. I what you're doing right now was actually that. Yeah. That's soul searching. I think that's, this is soul searching right now. This right here. 

[01:44:34] Toliy: Yeah. 

[01:44:34] Eldar: To, 

[01:44:34] Toliy: to like, to to soul. You came in under 

[01:44:36] Eldar: the gun and said like, you know what, judge me, tell, tell me. I want to know. I wanna learn. This. Is it?

[01:44:41] Mm-hmm. 

[01:44:42] Toliy: Yeah. Like, you wanna understand on your own is like, like you what the fuck you gonna even do? 

[01:44:46] Katherine: Yeah. Like for me it's like, where, where would I even begin? 

[01:44:49] Toliy: Exactly. Yeah. 

[01:44:50] Katherine: You know, 

[01:44:50] Eldar: right now you're trying to figure this shit out. This is it. Mm-hmm. This is it. 

[01:44:53] Toliy: Yeah. A big component. Like, at least for, for me, um, constantly is like a purpose.

[01:45:01] Like if, if you don't know what your purpose is or maybe like what, what you're doing or why Yeah. That's a big question. You're, it, it's very difficult for everything else to, to, to like align, to ha to like, like, like you have to have it closely tied, I think. 

[01:45:17] Eldar: Yeah. You know? Yeah. But that, I think it comes a little bit later and is a byproduct.

[01:45:22] Mm-hmm. Purpose. Mm-hmm. Yeah. 

[01:45:23] Mike: I think you learn, you understand that 

[01:45:25] Eldar: as you, correct. Yeah. As you grow, if you, the, the person who's actually the closest to the purpose, I think is the person that's actually able to tie font and purpose at the same time. Yeah. 

[01:45:34] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. 1, 1, 1 crazy thing that like, like this felt like, um, a little bit of like deja vu, like.

[01:45:41] Um, when someone's trying to figure something out or to do something, oftentimes we'll tell people, like, the best thing you can do is just ask more questions. 

[01:45:50] Speaker 8: Yeah. 

[01:45:51] Toliy: Right? Yeah. So if, like, if you're being prescribed that mo most, most people like, they're kind of like, what? What do you mean? Like, what do you like, like they, they look at us, right?

[01:46:02] Like, like crazy, ask more questions, you know? But like, that truly is like the best thing that you could possibly do. I, I think it is just continuously question, but do you realize that's an 

[01:46:12] Eldar: advanced suggestion? 

[01:46:14] Toliy: Yes. But when, when, when, when I feel like it's right to suggest. It feels so simple. Like, someone's like to Yes.

[01:46:20] Someone, someone's like, Hey, what do I do? Like, how do I improve something? And then someone tells you, well, just ask more questions, Kat. But yeah. Like how, how did you feel when someone tells, tells it to you that 

[01:46:31] Mike: Mm, you ask How do you ask more questions? 

[01:46:34] Katherine: Yeah. You know, it makes you pause and, and, and like, sorry, you know, it, it, you have to, that means that you have to be in a position of like, you actually wanna be inquisitive, you wanna be curious, you need to, uh, realize or humble yourself and, and, and like tell yourself, well, like, there's a lot more to learn here.

[01:46:52] I think that it is a lot easier to grow or to learn or be curious when you're doing it from like a standpoint of like, not like, oh, I know enough about this topic, but instead saying like, I bet if I talk to somebody about this, I can learn a new perspective. I could lose, learn something different. So. I think it goes back to being curious and open-minded and more mindful.

[01:47:16] If you start asking questions, you try to understand things better. 

[01:47:19] Toliy: The, like the to, to, to me, like the, like you can't like intentionally be curious about something. Right? I, I think that like, you have to genuinely like, like if this is something you want to like do or work on or like mm-hmm. Get, get better at.

[01:47:32] I think you, you have like an infinite stamina for curiosity on, on that subject and asking questions is like, like it comes as like second nature, right? Yes. You know? Yes. Like, because you, you Yeah. Try to like, try to force someone to like be curious or something like you've be given a bad 

[01:47:50] Eldar: advice this whole time, what you see.

[01:47:53] So then that was bad advice. You're saying for a while he's been saying that, that like, he's like, Hey, just ask questions. Right. Ask questions. But now what you just said, but you can't force that. Yeah. You, if you can't force that, what do you need to do? Which is true. Yeah. You have to get curious. You 

[01:48:06] Katherine: gotta get curious.

[01:48:07] But can you also force curiosity? 

[01:48:10] Eldar: Well, that's a different question. If you get curious questions come naturally. 

[01:48:14] Mike: Yeah. That, that then it's like nature, nature. You can force curiosity. 

[01:48:20] Speaker 7: You can't, you can't, you can't, you can't. No. Mike said, can't I say you can, you can. Yeah. 

[01:48:25] Mike: How remove all distractions. I was actually thinking, well that's not a force.

[01:48:30] Katherine: If, if you, um, 

[01:48:32] Mike: if she wakes up tomorrow, if you wanna be more mindful and she can't go in her car, she can't go on her phone. She can't go and clean. She can't go cook. What is she gonna do? She's gonna ask, yo, what the fuck do I do? No, no. 

[01:48:44] Eldar: She's gonna find something else to do. No, not if she's raised bad. What do you mean?

[01:48:48] She's gonna say, what the fuck, what is wrong with you? Give my shit. Gimme my shit. Mm Oh, she'll start a fight. 

[01:48:56] Toliy: Yeah. Like what? When that's good. Kids are like grounded. Like, they're not like, okay, I'm gonna go self fits. Self reflect as to why I got in trouble. They throw, but she parents not, she not, she's 

[01:49:05] Eldar: asking for she's, she, she might be asking for it now.

[01:49:08] She might be asking. She she's in a receptive moment. Yes. Right now she's receptive. Yes. Correct. Yes. But if one day, right, I just took everything away and be like, take that. What do you think she's gonna be? She'll be, what the fuck? I, I gotta go to yoga. I'm not saying you take it away. I'm saying 

[01:49:22] Speaker 12: I got a class to be at.

[01:49:23] What's wrong with you? My home. Don't make it late. Yeah. 

[01:49:26] Eldar: Yeah. So I'm not sure if you can force curiosity. 

[01:49:30] Toliy: I think I was more talking anger pastor. I was more talking 

[01:49:33] Mike: shit. Know. Okay, fine. You know, but 

[01:49:37] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. Like the, the, uh, the test is always like, yeah, like, like, do you actually want to learn about this?

[01:49:44] Like, do you actually want to do this? And like, if, if, if the answer is yes, then it'll, it'll prove itself through the. 

[01:49:50] Eldar: The curiosity. Yeah. Through the actions. 

[01:49:52] Speaker 12: Yeah. 

[01:49:52] Eldar: To actions. You've been here for three weeks in a row. Well, that's how we started. Yeah. Three weeks in a row. Mm-hmm. Something's going on.

[01:49:57] Something's in the water. What does she want from us? Mm-hmm. She's usually at home judging us. Yeah. How long is this podcast gonna be? You know? Totally. Was always reveling saying the same thing. Hey. Oh, you're not being fair. Sorry. I wasn't gonna say, I wasn't gonna say, you just like, just come on. I didn't know you were gonna confront him all about that.

[01:50:14] What's that? He's like, what the fuck? You know why totally keep repeating the same shit over and over. You know why baby? 'cause people don't understand what the fuck is going on and you need to repeat yourself 10 times, 20 times in order for it to fucking stick. Yes or no? So sometimes he's a So you've been rambling.

[01:50:33] He's a er, he's a non rumbler. I'm not rambling, but yeah. Sometimes 

[01:50:35] Toliy: not bl No, I think 

[01:50:36] Eldar: that, you know, a lot of times, yeah, you reiterate the topic. You have to fucking make sure that, that the fucking room understands what the fuck we talking about. Don't fucking see 

[01:50:42] Toliy: comprehension, you know? Yes. Thank you.

[01:50:44] Everyone has these blank stares at me. There you go. You see the show 

[01:50:47] Eldar: character. See, make sure you, babe, don't embarrass us here. Make sure you, you like eye contact. Make sure you pay attention. Do you guys want 

[01:50:56] Katherine: more animation? I can give you guys more animation. I can try. No, like some, 

[01:50:59] Toliy: some people I'll speak to them and like, they, they like, they're dumb.

[01:51:01] They, no, no, no. They have like de but they're mad dumb. Like they demonstrate that like they understand, but they're dumb. And then they'll, they'll like. Why you keep saying dumb? Like they're they're dumb, they're dumb, they're dumb. I wanna be heard, you know? 

[01:51:13] Speaker 12: No, he, he's definitely like on his own sauce right now.

[01:51:16] I don't, he's throwing a fit. He throwing, listen, I'm drinking the 

[01:51:19] Eldar: tequila, but I'm not gonna say the fucking name of it because it's really, really good. 

[01:51:22] Speaker 12: I might get a different brand because 

[01:51:25] Toliy: yes, 

[01:51:25] Speaker 12: this is doing something to Yeah, 

[01:51:26] Toliy: yeah, yeah, yeah. No, in conversation. Like, some people, like, they, they like, uh, they'll acknowledge like comprehension and some people will not.

[01:51:35] Yeah. So for me, it's definitely an automatic like thing to just like, make sure, like, no, that's, that's a good 

[01:51:39] Eldar: teacher. 

[01:51:40] Katherine: So you should quiz at the end. 

[01:51:42] Eldar: See, he wants a popup quiz. 

[01:51:43] Katherine: He wants a quiz. No, but I don't wanna, 

[01:51:45] Toliy: do you really understand that? I don't wanna like, like direct a quiz. I want it like the quiz to like, you know, come about to happen Naturally.

[01:51:52] Naturally. Yeah. I like that. Like I, I'll keep driving around the block, you know, show me, you know, I'm here. Yeah. Until you 

[01:51:59] Eldar: point, point the house, like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So baby, have you done anything? We'll see. Oh, that's a good one. You see, she's bad. You see, that's a good one.

[01:52:13] That's a Harry's fucking Yeah. Move. She's tricky. She's tricky. Yeah. She's a one. 

[01:52:18] Speaker 9: I think Haaz would like, gimme a little pat for that one. 

[01:52:21] Eldar: Yeah. Yeah. Well, the, we'll see part came from here one time she asked me, she's like, Hey, 

[01:52:26] Katherine: how's like your, you know, like, health and like diet and like going to the gym and stuff.

[01:52:31] And I told her, I was like, I'm doing like the best that I can right now. She was like. That's a good response. 

[01:52:38] Speaker 4: Yeah. 

[01:52:39] Katherine: My best to may to, to some others may be shit. But like, that's the best I can do right now. You know, 

[01:52:45] Eldar: I came up with a quote after you said that

[01:52:50] Speaker 7: anything that is done with an actual effort should be polished in such a way that is no longer, that is now effortless. Say that again? Anything that is done with effort is forced. 

[01:53:10] Katherine: Find a way. Everything is done with effort. 

[01:53:12] Eldar: Is forced. Is 

[01:53:12] Katherine: forced. 

[01:53:14] Eldar: Is forced. Okay. Therefore, comma, find a way to make it effortless.

[01:53:20] Why'd you say the comma? I don't know. I want to be properly. Tequila is good. Yes. The tequila is fucking good. Listen, um, the effortless part. So are you saying that, what I'm saying is that you should have to 

[01:53:32] Katherine: make everything more fun. 

[01:53:33] Eldar: Yes. So that it's not forced. But Catherine obviously said when the, when the lady asked her, yeah, how you doing?

[01:53:38] She was like painfully answering. Like, I'm trying my best. 

[01:53:41] Katherine: No, no, no. It wasn't painful. There, there was not no good. She was, you were trying her, it was like, I, I'm, I'm, I'm trying my best right now. 

[01:53:49] Toliy: That was it. That was weak sauce. Reply. Sounded guilty. Yes. Weak. It was weak sauce. But it was the 

[01:53:54] Eldar: truth where it's like, it's honest.

[01:53:56] I'm doing it, but it's like, it's so much effort kind of thing. Like, ugh. Yeah. You know what, Ugh. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My whole thing is like. Try to get to a point where a gym Yeah. A walk, right. Whatever it is that you're doing Yeah. Is actually effortless. It's because you actually wanna do it.

[01:54:14] Fun. Probably funny. No, but I, I, I do those two things 

[01:54:16] Katherine: because I like it. Like I go to yoga and I do, and I'm, I'm glad you, I actively like ask you, babe, let's go on a walk. I, I wanna do those things. Good, good. Yeah. I don't, but the things that I don't wanna do, like weightlifting Yeah. Is not what I'm doing.

[01:54:29] That's because, you know, no, 

[01:54:33] Mike: like, yeah. It's like a funny, like a funny example, I guess probably mean or wherever wrong, but it, however, list anxiety comes, the opposite should be just as effortless. How effortless the anxiety comes. 

[01:54:46] Katherine: I don't understand. 

[01:54:47] Mike: Yeah. Like you don't make an effort to be anxious. Yes. It just boom, it just boom.

[01:54:52] Yes. Always on. Yes. It's almost like my 

[01:54:54] Katherine: natural state of joy. Yeah. 

[01:54:55] Eldar: The goal is to have the opposite. Yes. Just as natural. That is enlightenment. You see what you just said? That is enlightenment. Holy shit. I gotta put on a T-shirt. 

[01:55:04] Mike: Yeah. You don't have to think about like all the, I'm just gonna use one, the word weird.

[01:55:09] All the weird things that you do or I do or totally does. All it does. We don't think about 'em, we just do them. Those automatic like anxious behaviors, fearful behaviors. Right. You don't have to say like, you know what, I'm gonna be fearful now. I'm gonna be anxious. Just autopilot. It's like boom. Yeah. It, 

[01:55:24] Toliy: it, it takes no effort to have a bad diet.

[01:55:27] Right. You see if we're like, Hey, yes. If like, if like imaginative, just eating like shit was like the, the best. Like that would be so easy. Yeah. Fucking, you know, like 

[01:55:36] Katherine: yes. I could do that every day. 

[01:55:37] Toliy: Yeah, yeah. But to eat like, you know, healthy for, for example, an definitely effort. It's an effort. 

[01:55:42] Mike: It's a force.

[01:55:43] Yeah. But the thing is the good stuff, you have to have good reasons for both sides. You have to go have good reasons, you know. But what is the, the example from uh, the Plato's Republic? He said it has to be good and it also has to be true. 

[01:56:02] Eldar: Uh, he's right about that, 

[01:56:03] Mike: you know? 

[01:56:04] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:56:04] Mike: He was using some kind of weird example.

[01:56:06] I know what you're saying. He was saying like, yo, if eating beef is good for you, then Yeah. Like for a weightlifter then does it also mean that it must be true? 

[01:56:13] Speaker 8: Yeah. 

[01:56:14] Mike: Like some kind of weird thing. I forgot it, but yeah, basically like that, you know? 

[01:56:18] Eldar: Yeah. So, so as effortless, the anxiety comes, strive to 

[01:56:25] Katherine: That doesn't make sense.

[01:56:25] No, you gotta, 

[01:56:27] Mike: the goal 

[01:56:28] Eldar: is for 

[01:56:28] Mike: the, 

[01:56:30] Eldar: I don't remember what 

[01:56:30] Mike: I said. 

[01:56:30] Eldar: You have to the good. Yeah. The opposite. Yeah. The, the effortless. As effortless as anxiety comes, the opposite should be true. To be just as easy or something. Yeah. The opposite. Yeah. You're gonna have to pull it. I'll polish 

[01:56:43] Mike: it. 

[01:56:44] Speaker 12: Oh yeah. No, her hers just as easy part of her face is smooshed against the, the, the wall.

[01:56:50] Wall and the chair. Right. 

[01:56:51] Katherine: It's like chair and wall. It's very good. But the wall side looks really funny with her. Yeah. 

[01:56:55] Eldar: That's what you just strive for. And that's a crazy bar to set, Mike. Yeah. That's a crazy bar to set. 

[01:57:00] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:57:01] Eldar: Because like you said, yeah. The dominoes of anxiety. Everybody fucking knows. Yeah.

[01:57:04] Most motherfuckers that are listening to this shit, they know what the fuck anxiety is. Oh, do 

[01:57:07] Mike: not. Nobody has to think about it twice. Yeah. 

[01:57:09] Eldar: Do Oh, boom. 

[01:57:11] Mike: Unlimited fucking due. Yeah. On the anxiety train. Yes. 

[01:57:14] Eldar: Yes. Unlimited. Unlimited thinking. 

[01:57:16] Mike: Overthinking, 

[01:57:17] Eldar: overthinking, overdoing. Yeah. You know what I mean? Just going crazy.

[01:57:20] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:57:21] Eldar: Look at that unlimited energy. 

[01:57:22] Mike: Like sharp in a bad way. Yeah. Yes. 

[01:57:26] Toliy: Yeah. It's almost like the paradox of like making like reckless, poor decisions. 

[01:57:30] Speaker 8: Yeah. 

[01:57:31] Toliy: Is like super fast, super easy. You don't crush automatic shit. Automatic. But then to make good choices, do good things, you question the fuck out of it.

[01:57:38] You know? Like you're like wanting to like, thank, thank you. Are you sure we should do this? You know, are you letting know that, that just sell us to in hell? But then stepping in shit is like, it's like this. It's nothing. You don't even like ask anybody. You don't say if it's okay, you just do it. 

[01:57:53] Eldar: Yeah. You know?

[01:57:54] Mm-hmm. What the fuck? Do we have it all backwards? 

[01:57:57] Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely. 

[01:57:59] Eldar: The answer is have fun. Yeah. Because God is fun. 

[01:58:04] Speaker 7: Yeah. But can you convince yourself of 

[01:58:07] Katherine: that? Be like Penny? Yeah. 

[01:58:08] Toliy: There's no convincing of that. 

[01:58:10] Mike: You gotta find out what's fuck you, what's actually fun. Yeah. It, the thing is, we all, we have this question, this always like question like, uh, I'm gonna say call it like a survival of the fittest.

[01:58:20] Yeah. This survival of the fittest question. How do you overcome that survival of the fittest? Why do some people make it? Some people don't. 

[01:58:26] Speaker 8: Yeah. 

[01:58:26] Mike: Some people come, some people go and some people stay. Right? 

[01:58:29] Speaker 8: Yeah. 

[01:58:30] Mike: This question is like always comes in many shapes and in this world, like how do you have more fun?

[01:58:34] Yeah. There's really no answer like that can, that anybody can tell you like, oh yeah, just follow this formula, you'll get it. Yeah. Ultimately, it's like, how bad do you want it and how bad do you wanna find out how to live a good life? 

[01:58:45] Toliy: No, I think there, there, like, not, not that there's like a direct an answer, but like on a lot of different topics in life 

[01:58:51] Mike: No, no.

[01:58:52] An answer that I can say to somebody else. Yeah. That they're gonna be like, oh, like I said Kat, okay, just remove things. It's like, oh yeah, sure. She maybe understands it in logic, but mm-hmm. Is it gonna empower her? Is it gonna put an, um, in her? Yeah. Yeah. Like, okay. I would say this is what exactly what I'm gonna do.

[01:59:06] No, I understand that. Like, you have to unlock it on your own. Yeah. And that requires sitting and thinking and, but I think the only way process individually, 

[01:59:15] Toliy: like the, the, the only way I feel like to unlock things is to, um, like you almost have to have like some kind of belief that there's like the, there, there's like light at the end of like the tunnel kind kind of thing.

[01:59:28] You know, if you have that, then you're on like a self-development journey to continue to find out like you're, you're just sure alive to find out. What's going on, how to do things like what is what. But if you don't have that kind of belief where like you can actually feel good, like you can actually do these things, like you can actually Yeah.

[01:59:46] Experience life a different way. Like these things are possible. Um, then I don't know if you'd ever like, 

[01:59:52] Mike: I think that, I think what you just said ties very much into what other were saying earlier is the fact that EL was a troublemaker and I was a troublemaker. That actually helped us to question more things and be like, yo, why the fuck do we have to do this?

[02:00:03] This shit is corny. I don't wanna fucking go to class. I'll want to go home and cut. Yeah. Or fucking hang out or whatever it is that you want to do, but not be there. Who said that you have to do this, have to go to high school and then go to college? That's safe. 

[02:00:14] Toliy: For the record, for the record, when I was in high school in the ninth grade, me and two of my friends found out that if you, if you like, like you know when you're in class and they like, you know, they take attendance mm-hmm.

[02:00:30] To see if you're in there or not. If, if like at like attendance after a certain period would not get to the, like transfer to the main office computers mm-hmm. If I have the time. Yes. So we tested it and we would leave class and, and we would leave after, um, lunch. Like we, we had, um, like some years you had like where you have lunch and then you have three periods after, right?

[02:00:52] Mm-hmm. And then some you had only, and then some years you only only had two, at least like in our high school, you know, and the year that we had only two after that fifth period, that attendance doesn't go to like seven and eight does not go to. Reporting and we, we, we collectively skipped over a hundred days of those last two periods and had no absences on our report cards from them.

[02:01:14] But you're not advocating for this, are you? No, but I'm just saying that like this did 

[02:01:17] Mike: happen. I'm saying he wants to be in the club. He just wanted to be in the club. Yeah, totally. Come on. But there's a difference 

[02:01:25] Speaker 6: between, we're not like cutting glasses. 

[02:01:26] Eldar: There's a difference between what we knew mm-hmm.

[02:01:29] And what that is.

[02:01:34] Mike: You know what I'm saying? We didn't know anything we just didn't wanna do. Correct. We didn't know the system. Correct. 

[02:01:39] Eldar: He knew the system and he kind of cut the system, but we like, but he is like a Jewish account though. Yeah. 

[02:01:43] Mike: Yes. Yeah. 

[02:01:45] Eldar: We like, yo, this doesn't work. We 

[02:01:47] Mike: didn't care. Yeah. Like whatever. Yeah. We just didn't want to be there.

[02:01:50] Yeah. Yeah. And I think I, I'm not saying that like, uh, that's a good thing. No, I'm actually saying it is a good thing. I think that was part of us always questioning like, why do we have to, why do you have to do this? Why, who set these rules? And are these rules actually valid? Yeah. For the benefit of people.

[02:02:05] Yeah. To enjoy life. Like, you know, like Yeah, I remember I hated school, but certain one subject I really liked. I don't know why. Even though I hated school, I like one subject. It's true. 

[02:02:17] Speaker 11: It's true. It's certain things. Gravitt, it was 

[02:02:19] Mike: history. I was interested in history for, for like, uh, maybe it was a good teacher or whatever, and I went to that class.

[02:02:25] I enjoyed it, but like some shit, I didn't want to go, I didn't feel like going, like I just didn't believe that these are the rules and that it made sense. Yeah. And I also grew up in a strict house. 

[02:02:37] Eldar: Yeah. You know this is true. You actually grew up in a strict house. 

[02:02:40] Mike: Yeah. Your house was not strict, right? No, no, no.

[02:02:42] I was very lax. Your mom was chill, but your dad was like, uh, too busy 

[02:02:47] Eldar: at work. No. Yeah. Too busy at work. And my mom was pretty chill. Yeah. Yeah. 

[02:02:49] Mike: So yeah, I got exposed from school, uh, because I, we went on a field trip and then instead of the field trip I went to, to the beach, 

[02:03:01] Speaker 4: Mike, what the hell? Hell no. He said, 

[02:03:04] Mike: I went to smoke, screw these guys.

[02:03:06] I went to smoke cigarettes and I went beach. Yeah. I went to, not that, but hes us to go to Bryan Beach. 

[02:03:12] Speaker 10: Kids are fucking Hershey barking chocolate, fucking c cigarettes up beach. Yeah. 

[02:03:20] Mike: And 

[02:03:21] Speaker 10: then the Dirties beach york 

[02:03:22] Mike: out. They actually found out that this happened. Sick. They called my dad. My dad, this is before cell phones.

[02:03:27] I'm yo, yo lie dead. Like, yeah. I'm like, no, I'm good. I'm chilling. He like, he is like, what's up? I'm like, I'm pretending like I don't know what's going on. Yeah. He obviously knew the whole story. And the next day I called in and I got banned from the school. Sick. Yeah. 

[02:03:39] Katherine: Wow. 

[02:03:40] Mike: Yeah. Imagine you imagine. Put me on the straight path.

[02:03:42] See, Mike teacher. Yeah. Mike. Mike was an explorer. His 

[02:03:44] Katherine: teacher might have been fired or reprimanded like you just lost. Damn. The kid, like, what's going on? Wait, wait. This kid could have been taken away. You just left. 

[02:03:52] Mike: I went on the field to He could be kidnapped. We got to the destination. Yeah. Where, where were you going?

[02:03:55] And then we just left. It was like a, I was in a private school, bro. Gary tried to get me like out trouble. Okay. So where, where'd you guys go to? Like, it was like to some Jewish thing, like a yeshiva, you know? Okay. Jesus. And they were doing weird like things. Okay. And I was, and I was this kid, Alex. Yeah. You know, 

[02:04:12] Katherine: weird things.

[02:04:13] Might just be going to a nice museum. Yeah. No, it wasn't. I don't know. It was not, it was 

[02:04:17] Mike: like some corny shit. Okay. They took her to a cafeteria to feed your ass. Yeah. Stuff like that, you know, like learn about religion, ping pong. So you, so you just left? Yeah, me and him. We snuck out and we went to his house sick.

[02:04:27] And we were smoking those black, black cigarettes, you know, black and mild. Black and mild? No. What were you? 12? Not black and mild. Wow. Yeah. Probably less. Yeah. Probably like that. Maybe a little bit younger. Sick. The black cigarettes, not black and mild with the gold filter and the black ones. Wow. His parents used to keep my, I remember on top of the fridge and went, went to his house, smoked dogs, and went to the beach.

[02:04:48] Toliy: That's sick. This is 

[02:04:49] Speaker 12: wild. 

[02:04:49] Toliy: Yeah. Well, while his classmates are learning, 

[02:04:52] Mike: well 

[02:04:52] Speaker 12: his teachers probably getting fired. One, one, 

[02:04:55] Mike: you know? That's crazy. Yeah. That was the kid, that was the school where remember port? Yeah. His cousin said, remember his cousin came one time to fer and said, yo, that guy's a bully.

[02:05:05] Don't fucking be friends with him. Oh yeah. I, I was bullying that kid in that school. Yeah. And that's cool. Wow. Oh wow. I wasn't really bullying him, I beat him up or anything. I was just like, yeah. Mentally. Mentally. Yeah. 

[02:05:18] Eldar: Okay. Yeah. Well, fun. That's where we conclude that ultimately, yeah, the most important thing is to be able to find a way to have fun and preserve that.

[02:05:28] Like, like Tigger? Yeah. Yeah. Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun. Alright, let's do final thoughts then. Mike, what do you think on this? We started with friendship, communication, how to properly communicate, present yourself, and we ended up with fun that ultimately that, uh, the most important thing is fun because it's the closest thing to God.

[02:05:48] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[02:05:49] Eldar: Or the design. 

[02:05:50] Mike: Yeah. I mean, I don't know if this is like obvious or like obviously, or it's not, I guess it's like a given thing, but like the anxiety stuff. The anxiety things or the fears they develop 

[02:06:01] Speaker 4: mm-hmm. 

[02:06:02] Mike: From a lot of that behavior where you violate yourself and it goes in check, right? Yeah.

[02:06:06] That's what it is, right? Yeah. Like that's, that's, that's obvious, right? Yeah. Yeah. And then it builds up and builds up, and then you develop anxiety. Correct. 

[02:06:16] Toliy: Yeah. But, but, but I feel like the, the anxiety is like the combination of like, particular like, um, like, like, like I think that you can only be taught, like I, I I don't think that you can like, like you have to be taught I think anxiety, like, almost like that.

[02:06:30] So it's alarm behavior. Yeah. 

[02:06:32] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

[02:06:32] Toliy: Yeah. Like that, that's how I viewed as that. Like how like, 

[02:06:38] Mike: um, like if you kind, like, if you're violating yourself every time, who taught you Yeah. If it's to 

[02:06:44] Toliy: become anxious about it or like Yeah, like the, like, I, I don't understand it in the sense of violating.

[02:06:49] Yourself. Like I, I understand that as a, as as like, it's like anxiety is tied with, with something to be like, afraid of. It's like, like it's, it's, it's in some way tied with like an, uh, irrational fear. And then it's your reaction to that maybe irrational fear that I think that you were like, um, taught to, to like think that way and react that way.

[02:07:13] Like it's, it's a learned behavior that, that like is passed down. Like, I, like, I I don't think that you're, like, without someone teaching, 

[02:07:21] Mike: saying, you're saying Kat Kat is, has these, like, anxiety things because of her mom. 

[02:07:26] Toliy: Oh, oh yeah. It's, it's, it's part of it. Yeah. Like I, I, I don't know who exactly, but, but yeah, like, like probably, if I had to guess, your dad is pretty 

[02:07:34] Mike: chill.

[02:07:34] I feel like 

[02:07:35] Toliy: it's a very, it's, it's a learned behavior. Like, like she, she witnessed someone doing particular things, reacting in particular ways, feeling to things about particular ways. And she absorbed all that without knowing it. You know, same, same, same thing. My But what about 

[02:07:49] Mike: like the things she developed about, or.

[02:07:53] By like, uh, the anxiety of not speaking up or that's not anxiety, like, of like, oh 

[02:07:56] Toliy: no. That like, like part of No, all of those things are learned behaviors, mom, and I think that you brought it up. I think, 

[02:08:02] Katherine: you know, they, they say that, like you said, culturally, right? Like some, some kids, yeah. There's a cultural grow up 

[02:08:06] Toliy: like that 

[02:08:07] Katherine: for thi for sure.

[02:08:08] But like, I think there's also like, when you grow up in, in, in a household that sometimes has like turmoil or whatever, sometimes you kind of start internalizing Yeah. Because you don't want your feelings or whatever to add or to bring up more conflict. Uh, so you internalize, you learn to just internalize, but you don't realize that.

[02:08:27] Yeah. You don't realize it until, you know, like, I realize it now, but I didn't realize it when I was a kid or a teenager. Yeah. So in order to like not be a conflict or an issue or a problem, you kind of just stuff everything inside, not let it go. But what happens is, you know, you don't know how to process your emotions.

[02:08:46] You don't know how to communicate them. This is what I'm dealing with now, you know, and then in turn, that also shows up in my relationships because I also, you know, uh, avoid conflict. Yeah. You know, or avoid, you know, that kind of, that kind of thing. This all stems to how I grew up and how I process my childhood or my, my home environment, you know?

[02:09:07] Yeah. 

[02:09:07] Toliy: It's almost like, like if you show like, like, like show me a scenario almost like where you have a, uh, a, uh, anxious student and a non-anxious teacher. Like, uh, like I don't think that that exists. 

[02:09:19] Katherine: No, I, I definitely grew up in a very, I grew up with a very anxious mom student. 

[02:09:22] Toliy: Always. Yes. The student will always have fearful, very anxious, very anxious teacher that they were learning from, but not realizing that this is what they were developing, you know?

[02:09:31] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[02:09:31] Toliy: Um, 'cause I don't think that you have that like, in you, like, like, like, like I don't think anxiety is just something that you're born with and that, like, it's default inside of you. Mm-hmm. And just like no matter who you're around, it's gonna like happen or like, what? It's like 

[02:09:44] Mike: a superpower you develop.

[02:09:46] Speaker 7: Yeah. Hmm. 

[02:09:47] Eldar: Yeah. So guys, what are our final thoughts, or do we have any other thoughts about this? Babe? What are you, what are you reflecting on? What did you gain from it? What are some other questions that came about? What are your final thoughts on it, if you have any? 

[02:10:03] Katherine: Hmm. I learned that I learned a lot.

[02:10:06] Yeah. Um, 

[02:10:08] Eldar: did you realize that like, this is what we do again, or No? 

[02:10:12] Katherine: Yeah, of course. Like this is, this is, 

[02:10:13] Eldar: this is the most important thing 

[02:10:15] Katherine: Yeah. 

[02:10:16] Eldar: Of life. 

[02:10:17] Katherine: Well, I think it's, it's time for me to, you know, that, that challenging myself like that, that, you know, a few years ago when I was, you know, feeling certain type of way, started therapy and needed a lot of help with my anxiety and I was dealing with depression.

[02:10:33] Um, there I came to the point where, you know, I realized that I am. Causing all of this hurt to myself because of my beliefs. Yeah. The attachments that I have to things, the expectations that I have in life. And you start kind of learning that like the more attachments and the more expectations you have in life, the more disappointment and pain is gonna ha is gonna come.

[02:10:55] Right? Yeah. So I think it's time to continue evaluating that to, to, you know, to know that like change happens, you know, like there's nothing, you know, like there's always hap change happening, um, evaluating whether I, what, what kind of, uh, belief systems I still have, what am I still attached to? What am I still having expectations on?

[02:11:18] And I guess like, you know, going again, like going, taking a couple of steps back and like, you know, looking, analyzing what's, what's going on. I remember when I was trying to tackle anxiety and understand it, you know, it was explained to me as like, you need to audit your thoughts. You need to be, become like the bouncer in your mind.

[02:11:37] You need to look at all. And I realized I was so negative, so much negativity, so much negative self-talk, and I have improved on that. Am I perfect? No, but I think that I have to like audit again. You know, I have to go back to more auditing and, and looking at, uh, at my values and expectations and, 

[02:11:56] Eldar: but the stuff is not as severe as before, correct?

[02:11:58] Katherine: No. Oh my God. Before I thought I doesn't, I was like, I Sounds 

[02:12:01] Eldar: like you leveled up. 

[02:12:02] Katherine: Yeah, I 1000%. But I, I still have, I still have more work. I have more work to do. Hundred percent. Yeah. You know, everyone 

[02:12:09] Eldar: does. But you 

[02:12:10] Katherine: know, ultimately the thing is, do I wanna learn how to have more fun in life? Of course I do.

[02:12:15] You know, I don't wanna be so uptight. 

[02:12:16] Eldar: The thing is, we said this before in the podcast, but I'm gonna say it again. And if you didn't listen to this shit, 

[02:12:23] Speaker 7: you should go back and listen to the other ones.

[02:12:28] Eldar: Our threshold for pain is different for everyone. 

[02:12:31] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[02:12:32] Eldar: Everyone has a different pain threshold. What you're sensitive to right now 

[02:12:40] Katherine: might change tomorrow. 

[02:12:41] Eldar: Might change tomorrow and it continue to, to do so. Right? Yeah. What I'm sensitive to when it comes to pain is not the same thing that you're sensitive to.

[02:12:48] Speaker 9: Yeah. 

[02:12:49] Eldar: You know, you might have a, a, a, a lot higher pain threshold that is not a brag, that is not, um, something to brag about. You should lower your pain threshold Yeah. As much as possible. 'cause then you become extremely sensitive and you know exactly how to move properly mm-hmm. In order to not experience pain because you know how to Exactly.

[02:13:11] How to position yourself to avoid it. 

[02:13:12] Katherine: Yeah. That's the goal. What 

[02:13:13] Eldar: happens is that you no longer employing pain and suffering in order to learn. 

[02:13:20] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[02:13:22] Eldar: And I think that our whole point is to be able to have more pleasure than pain. 

[02:13:26] Toliy: Do you, do you, you remember my, my, my dad said, said that to me like two months ago.

[02:13:30] He is like, you're, you're show me sensitive to everything. Yes. I talking to him in the car. Yes. Yes. And then like every, everything he, he was saying a person like that. Absolutely. Yeah. He was like, like, why are you so sensitive? You know, to everything you 

[02:13:47] Eldar: know. And the truth is we're not talking about, we're not.

[02:13:50] Using the word sensitive the same way maybe somebody else uses sensitive in this. Yeah. It's different PC world. Mm-hmm. I 

[02:13:55] Katherine: think what he means is like, you're very mindful. You're, you're being very mindful about what's happening. Don't always paying attention, being said, and 

[02:14:02] Eldar: every word that is that saying 

[02:14:04] Toliy: recklessly.

[02:14:04] Yeah. And to him it's like no big deal. Everything is like 

[02:14:07] Eldar: Correct, 

[02:14:07] Toliy: whatever. Of course, he has no 

[02:14:08] Eldar: self-awareness thrown, thrown under the rug, you know? Yeah. Yeah. That's why a lot of times when we have conversations, I stop you and say, what did you say? And why'd you say it like that? 

[02:14:15] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[02:14:16] Eldar: Same thing for totally.

[02:14:16] I do the same thing with totally. Like, why'd you say it? Why'd you structure those words in the very specific way? Yeah. To mean a very specific thing. 

[02:14:23] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[02:14:25] Eldar: If you don't have a good answer as to why you did it the way you do, or you shy away from explaining yourself, that's an indication to me that it's a subconscious thing that I just caught.

[02:14:40] Speaker 4: Mm. And 

[02:14:40] Eldar: it's violating 

[02:14:41] Speaker 7: you and you ought to examine it. 

[02:14:44] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[02:14:45] Speaker 7: You know? That's it. His dad, who's constantly in this pain 

[02:14:53] Eldar: is once to now project what Pain outwardly. 

[02:14:57] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[02:14:58] Eldar: Yeah. And like by saying the words like everything is bad. Mm-hmm. Yes. Totally goes. Wait a second, you just, so send me a ice cream picture yesterday that you were eating ice cream.

[02:15:09] Is that bad? Yeah. Example? 

[02:15:12] Toliy: Yeah. No, no. Yeah, he, he told me like two, like, I don't know, 2, 2, 3 weeks ago. Oh yeah. Everything's bad in my life. I'm like, what are you talking about? Like, then he's sending me pictures of him breakfast, having these like royal buffets that he's setting up. Like Yeah. While, while people are starving 

[02:15:29] Katherine: all over the world.

[02:15:30] Yeah. It sounds like things 

[02:15:30] Toliy: are pretty damn good. Sounds like he's eating like, you know, like expensive smoked fish. You got three pasteurized organic eggs. Yeah. You know, like 

[02:15:39] Speaker 6: three. Yeah. He, he's living large. Oh yeah. 

[02:15:42] Toliy: You see. Yeah. You know. Yeah. He's waking up in the middle of the night making food for himself, you know, like doing, doing whatever, like, you know.

[02:15:51] So when we use the word sensitive, 

[02:15:53] Eldar: we don't mean what everyone else means today. Sounds, yeah. You mean 

[02:15:57] Katherine: mindful? 

[02:15:58] Eldar: We're being mindful. Well, present. Present. And we're being very attentive to every word that is being said. 

[02:16:04] Katherine: Mm-hmm. 

[02:16:04] Eldar: And used the way it is. 'cause we, we would like to challenge it to make sure that we understand exactly what you're saying.

[02:16:09] Katherine: You wanna know. Um, a ch that's a challenge for me. Think about it. For the longest time I was trying to figure out just how to, like, communicate, like, you know, process the emotions and communicate the emotions, right? Yeah. So a lot of times, like, you ask me sometimes, like, you know, did you freeze? Or whatever, and I'm like, I'm actually trying to articulate.

[02:16:29] Speaker 4: Yeah. 

[02:16:30] Katherine: I have so much going on in my brain. It's like noodles, right? 

[02:16:34] Eldar: So yeah, she gets like that. 

[02:16:36] Katherine: Yeah. It takes me a while to, to process that and then articulate it, right? Yeah. I, I tell you this all the time. So I have that, and now I have to be in a conversation and not only now I have to also worry about what is being like, I'm, I'm so busy just trying to articulate what I wanna say.

[02:16:58] Yes. Now I'm like, oh my God, I have to really pay attention to what they're saying so I'm not missing something. Yes. 

[02:17:05] Eldar: That's a lot of work. It's a lot of processing. 

[02:17:07] Katherine: It's a lot of processing for my brain. 

[02:17:09] Eldar: The good thing is, is one thing that you can look forward to. 

[02:17:14] Speaker 9: Oh God, whatcha gonna 

[02:17:15] Eldar: say? It's very simple.

[02:17:19] Speaker 9: Oh my 

[02:17:21] Eldar: totally lie. Because he knows the setup. Oh, course. Yeah. There's a lot of times that we do communicate when it's El Elder 

[02:17:26] Toliy: right now is like in the cartoons where they just draw a door in the wall. You know what I'm talking about? When there's no door that exists there and they're just drawing it on like, like, like on the wall, and they're about to open it.

[02:17:39] Listen, 

[02:17:39] Eldar: this came to my mind. I don't know from where and from and how, 

[02:17:43] Speaker 7: but I'm 

[02:17:43] Eldar: willing to share it here. Here we, we go. I'm saying, listen, I get it. Sometimes we communicate and it's, it's confusing. It's a lot to process. 

[02:17:54] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[02:17:55] Eldar: But the good thing is for you is that tonight. We're gonna communicate with our nerve endings.

[02:18:02] And those only send very, very specific signals. 

[02:18:06] Speaker 9: Dave, 

[02:18:09] Eldar: that's very straightforward. 

[02:18:11] Mike: There's no confusion there of the signal, right? There's no confus. I'm like, 

[02:18:14] Speaker 12: wait, did the guys know what you were gonna say? No, no, no. Okay. You just knew he was, you just knew he was ing up. I know 

[02:18:21] Toliy: he was gonna go, but usually it, it, it like, it just like, uh, I definitely 

[02:18:26] Speaker 12: did not know what he was gonna say, but I was like, okay.

[02:18:29] I think that was the point. They're laughing clearly. They know what I, what he's 

[02:18:33] Katherine: gonna say and I, little confusion there, Mike. So I'm the idiot in, in the, in the group, right? No, 

[02:18:37] Eldar: no, no confusion. No confusion. It's very simple. We're meaning very simple and straight to the primitive ways. Yes. And a lot of times that's what people are missing out on.

[02:18:46] Very simple basic communication. A hundred percent. You in luck. 

[02:18:52] Katherine: I am, I'm primitive. Yes. 

[02:18:57] Mike: The truth is the most fun and the most simple. Yeah. And the not truth is the most complicated and 

[02:19:03] Eldar: yeah. 

[02:19:04] Mike: Annoying. 

[02:19:04] Eldar: And that's what we're trying to do here ultimately. Right. In our podcast, at least, I don't know what the fuck everybody else is doing out there.

[02:19:10] We're trying to find the most simplest ways or simplest words mm-hmm. In order to express that, which is true. And live that way. And Oh, obviously, yeah. That's the hard part, obviously, to be able to bridge the gap between saying it and doing it. 

[02:19:25] Mike: Yeah. 

[02:19:26] Eldar: You know, and nonetheless, that's what we're trying for.

[02:19:28] Mike: And 

[02:19:28] Eldar: that's the whole jig about anxiety is correct. Anxiety is the well, anxiety will never win. And, and that fucking illusion, world delusion will never win. Yeah. Because it is not tied to material, material truth. Yeah. You know what I mean? It can never materialize itself. No. Because this is a lot of times it's just fucking whatever.

[02:19:43] Yeah. Uh, but the actual truth is it's simple. You can actually materialize it. It's fun and you can see it. You're simple and it's fun. 

[02:19:50] Speaker 8: Yeah. 

[02:19:50] Eldar: And the more you do it, obviously, the more, like you said, you are get addicted to it and you enjoy yourself and then one day you come to defend it and defending it is through self-respect.

[02:19:59] Knowing yourself, knowing how to carry yourself, knowing how to communicate yourself. So then the other people are like, yo, that's, he's up to something. 

[02:20:06] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[02:20:06] Eldar: Like, I can't say this around him. I can't say that around them because they know what's up. 

[02:20:10] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

[02:20:10] Eldar: I ought to listen. Oh, I have to pay attention.

[02:20:14] And some will try to mimic, but the gig is up. You can't mimic this. You have to learn, you know, you have to reflect, you have to suffer. Go through pain, learn, try things. Babe. You excited? Do you want say something? 

[02:20:34] Speaker 9: No, I listening. I just thought like, it's not the most positive thought, but it's like, damn. A lot of pain.

[02:20:42] That's what, that's what, 

[02:20:43] Speaker 10: yeah. 

[02:20:43] Speaker 9: Came up like, 

[02:20:45] Speaker 10: oh good. There it is. Yeah. 

[02:20:46] Speaker 9: But. 

[02:20:48] Speaker 10: No, go ahead. 

[02:20:50] Speaker 9: I mean, through this pain, 

[02:20:52] Speaker 6: there's, there's, there's, there's a lot of growth. You know, I'm not even gonna lie, a few years ago, the thing is I felt 

[02:20:58] Eldar: helpless, hopeless. I'm not sure if there's ways for us to find words in order to express that the pain is the best thing in the world.

[02:21:04] It's necessary. 

[02:21:05] Speaker 6: It really is. Yeah. To get to the fact that there's no other way, there's no other way around it. 

[02:21:09] Toliy: But, but, but I have a question that I just came up, up with a crazy one. Mm-hmm. Um, trying to figure out how to word it properly. Like, is, does the amount that you fucked up right, prepare you to experience that pain?

[02:21:25] I think so. Because of like, for how long you, that's the same. Can I type a question I asked Mike earlier? Yeah. For like, how long you've been doing things wrong? Yeah. Right. When you're ready now to do things right, because you've been doing wrong and experiencing pain from that, are you now prepared to take on that level of pain based on like what you've, what, like, like what, what, what have you been doing before that?

[02:21:50] Speaker 7: Yeah, I think so. You know, so 

[02:21:53] Speaker 9: it's a 

[02:21:53] Katherine: good question. But the thing is that, like, I wasn't aware of my wrongdoings, 

[02:22:02] Toliy: but I still think that it builds in, in those relationships, 

[02:22:05] Katherine: you know? 

[02:22:05] Toliy: Yeah. But, but I still think that like, the wrong doings build, like, build like a, uh, they build like a grit, you know? Mm-hmm.

[02:22:13] Like to like. Now endure like, to, to, to now endure the journey. Yeah. That I agree. That that's one thing too. You have no choice. Yeah. Like, like you can't just like off your mind. Yeah. Like I don't, I don't have a choice. You can, you wanna check out 

[02:22:26] Eldar: what 

[02:22:26] Toliy: you 

[02:22:26] Eldar: could 

[02:22:26] Toliy: check out, but Yes. Yeah. That, that, that what's what's gonna solve?

[02:22:29] Yeah. Like, other than that, like, you have no choice. 'cause you can't, like, like once you see like, like, uh, better, you can't unsee it now. You can't like, yeah. Go back to like, you know what, what life before you, I take my 

[02:22:40] Eldar: words back. You can't check out like you just said, because of the fact that you said that I've seen better.

[02:22:46] You cannot check out. It's impossible to check out early. Yeah. It's impossible. 

[02:22:51] Toliy: Yeah. Because you know it's there. Yeah. You know what to strive for. I'm saying those, those people have not seen the light Correct. At the, at the end of like the tunnel. 

[02:22:58] Eldar: Correct. Yeah. We're talking about school shooters or somebody else.

[02:23:01] Toliy: Yeah. Um, like they, they don't see a light, they don't see like a possibility for, for things if you don't see a possibility. Yeah. That's it. So they're hopeless. They're hopeless. Yeah. You're hopeless because like Yeah. There, there is no chance. And when there's no chance, then yeah. Then you have, you have to leave, you know?

[02:23:18] Mm-hmm. Like that, that's how you feel. Yeah. Like, you, you gotta go. Things are so bad that you need to either kill others or kill yourself or kill Mm. Yeah. You know, to end the pain. But Yeah. But like, yeah, that the, uh, well, it's called, that's what I was, um, um, saying before. I think it's in the, like, in the process of like development, it's very important I think to like, to, um, just get yourself in a position where you can, where you actually believe almost that like.

[02:23:43] A different life is possible. Like, like, like, like this can happen. Like, like this is actually real. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And, and, and, and, and like I was saying, like, like watching how you do things, always push that like that that like, uh, en envelope for me envelope. Yeah. That, that like, oh wait, that's possible.

[02:24:00] Or like, you can do that. And then like, when you make those changes, like usually like all people around us are like, the fuck's this guy doing, you know, like, like you're usually looked upon in like an abstract way. Yes. But, but everyone kind of still likes you. Like, it's like a, you know, you see that No, the liking part, he 

[02:24:19] Eldar: can 

[02:24:19] Speaker 9: be very misunderstood, 

[02:24:20] Eldar: but the liking part.

[02:24:21] But the liking part is just a, a confirmation, you know? Yeah. 

[02:24:25] Toliy: Be, 

[02:24:25] Eldar: be 

[02:24:26] Toliy: because they, they still want those things, of course. For themselves. You don't, don't understand how it's possible. That is 

[02:24:30] Eldar: why this podcast, they can comprehend it. This podcast 

[02:24:33] Speaker 7: is the biggest promotion of yourself. We're not promoting 

[02:24:39] Eldar: anybody but you.

[02:24:41] So if you're not listening, if you're not sharing, if you're not liking and all this other crap, I mean, you're probably a dumb ass. You're probably not listening. Mm-hmm. 

[02:24:49] Speaker 7: You know what I'm saying? So it's like, it's a, it's a fucking paradox.

[02:24:57] Yeah. It's over for the world. 

[02:24:59] Toliy: One thing I'll tell you though, you can't listen to this podcast at nighttime. 

[02:25:03] Eldar: It's over. It's over for you. Oh, yeah. It's over for You're not sleeping. Yeah. 

[02:25:05] Toliy: No, 

[02:25:05] Eldar: that's because you value and sleep right now. That's it. But some people not supposed to sleep. Totally. Oh, sure. Okay.

[02:25:10] You know what I'm saying? Some people can't sleep. No, no, no. Take Then they gotta gotta turn on 

[02:25:13] Speaker 9: the podcast. No, no, no. I know why you said that. Listen to something. I, but no, I, yeah, 

[02:25:17] Eldar: yeah. It's true. You, that's it. It's, you don't have to stay up all night. Yeah. Rethink your whole life. Take a hot shower, like you said.

[02:25:23] Yeah. You have to take a hot shower. Yeah. Well, 

[02:25:25] Katherine: yeah. 

[02:25:27] Eldar: If you're lucky. 

[02:25:28] Katherine: If 

[02:25:28] Speaker 7: you're 

[02:25:28] Eldar: lucky. If you're lucky you can't sleep all night, he's right. Yeah. If you can't sleep all night after this podcast. Right. If you really paid attention and your shit is kind of fucked. Yeah. Like, you're not sleeping. Yeah. That's, that's your end result.

[02:25:42] Like, if, like, if your thing is like, oh, I can't naturally sleep, that means you fucking got something out of it. You have to re your whole shit. It's good. It's good. 

[02:25:49] Toliy: Yeah. Or like the best when people say like, oh, I don't have time to like, you know, do all this stuff. Yeah. You got time to fuck everything up, you know?

[02:25:56] Yes. You got no time say that. Oh, you know, or like, 

[02:26:00] Katherine: oh yeah, I don't have time or money for therapy. 

[02:26:03] Eldar: Yeah. And all of those, 

[02:26:03] Speaker 6: the, the biggest investment that you could ever make in your life for yourself, 

[02:26:06] Katherine: for, for, for your betterment is the one thing that you can't make the time for. You know, 

[02:26:11] Toliy: I'm in like a permanent, like mental asylum, you know, like Yeah.

[02:26:16] And some days I gotta put on the jacket. Yeah. Some days it's 

[02:26:19] Speaker 9: true. I'm the prisoner in that, in, in my scenario, I'm the prisoner to my own 

[02:26:23] Eldar: stuff. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you'll have to find a way to, but, but this is an asylum 

[02:26:29] Toliy: where you, you choose to put on your own jacket. Yeah. True. You know? That's true.

[02:26:33] You don't need to be like a restrained 

[02:26:34] Eldar: No. You know, like today I'm not feeling so well. 

[02:26:37] Toliy: Yeah. Hey, I'm gonna be a dumb ass today. Yeah. You know, you gotta find the jacket. 

[02:26:41] Eldar: Alright, so final thoughts. Totally. What do you think? This shit's crazy or what? 

[02:26:45] Toliy: No, no. Yeah, like tip to, to me again, like all these things that involve like any act that involves other people, whether it's friendship, communication, like doing something like, or whatever it is, right?

[02:26:58] It it, like, it always goes back to you and who you are as a person, which is like, you don't need to like learn how to communicate better with others. Like, like, that doesn't exist to me. It's like you, you, you need to learn how to just know what's going on and communicate with yourself. Yeah. And know what you actually want and don't want.

[02:27:15] And then like your, then communication with others becomes like extremely clear. You know, like there, there's no like, skill to work on here. It's just, um, working on yourself. Which, if, if you can get to that point where you like actually believe that, then like, it's a very calming feeling that like, like you, you, you actually have the ability to pretty much control everything and like, fix everything and work on everything through your own self.

[02:27:42] Like, you're, you're like, you're, you're, your life is, is is experience for you and your own perspective, you know? So, um, that perspective is yours, which means that like you have. Full control as to how, how, how it's ran. But I think many people don't believe that, which is why they suffered. They feel like someone else is like, uh, like puppeteering their, their lives or like controlling how their outcomes happen.

[02:28:09] Like, and they, like, they don't feel like they have control over all of those things. They feel like they're being oppressed and of like, if you feel that you're being oppressed by anyone but yourself, then no, it's over for you. You know? We're like the only, our biggest presence is Yeah. You know, but, but it's, it's, it's difficult to have like a, like a, like a unmovable belief in that, 

[02:28:31] Speaker 7: you know?

[02:28:32] Yeah. Thank you. Totally. Mike?

[02:28:38] Uh, I don't got nothing to add. 

[02:28:40] Mike: Yeah. You said a 

[02:28:40] Toliy: lot. Yeah. Mike, Mike just went to Mike. Mike just went. When, when, when he didn't say anything. I felt like he, he went to Brighton Beaches smoked. He's over there right now, right? He's over there. He's, fuck man. That was a good day. So 

[02:28:51] Mike: much fun. No, I don't have much to add, but you know, I mean, when, when, uh, anybody who comes and says the stuff that Kat said Yeah.

[02:28:59] Or makes those kind of like, you know, uh, statements, I'm always excited to see Yeah. What the future holds. Yeah. Because I welcome these conversations. I love these conversations. 

[02:29:10] Speaker 8: Yeah. 

[02:29:11] Mike: You know, I can have hopefully better examples to help her to more understand it, to relate to herself. So 

[02:29:15] Speaker 8: yeah, 

[02:29:16] Mike: I'm looking forward to hearing it, you know, from her.

[02:29:18] I'm looking forward to hopefully, uh. Sharing with her my experience. And hopefully that helps her to, uh, understand her own experience that she's going through. Yeah. 'cause I felt a lot of times it's important to have that relatability and, uh, ultimately to get to the empowerment, you know, of yourself. And like, like Totally was saying, it's not the world, it's all you.

[02:29:43] Yeah. You change yourself, you change the world. Yeah. Everything will change. 

[02:29:48] Toliy: Yeah. I, I, I, I think people just jumping over that one hoop is like, impossible for them. And like, um, well, it's a big hoop to jump over though. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I think it's, it is probably the biggest because once you feel a sense of like, accountability and like, empowerment.

[02:30:03] Yeah. Empowerment. That's it. Like, you don't need anything else. Everything else is gonna like, slowly fall into place with you, questioning things, doing things. But again, like, like I was telling Elder, like, how many business days is 

[02:30:16] Speaker 9: gonna, is that gonna take a 

[02:30:17] Toliy: lot? Pro? Probably a lot. 

[02:30:19] Speaker 9: I feel like years.

[02:30:20] Possibly. Probably, probably a lot. Probably is 

[02:30:22] Mike: gonna take one. Yeah. Yeah. Just one day. Yeah, it could. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's the day you realize it. Yeah. What's actually, what, what's the, what's actually going on? What's actually going on? Once you realize that, that's it, there's no more days. 

[02:30:33] Toliy: Yeah. I, I think the easiest, the easiest way to maybe, to realize it, is to continue to give yourself arguments as to why it's not that way.

[02:30:42] Oh. And see if you can prove, again, back to questioning. I get it. Yeah. Like, like keep, like. Like that, that's the easiest way. Continue to say like, no, actually this, this system or like this person or this like thing is oppressing me and this is why I can't do, do that. And then like, prove those things out to yourself, whether that that's true or not, you know, or, or, or say that out loud.

[02:31:07] Say all those things out loud as much as possible. And like when we do that, like we get checked like this, 

[02:31:14] Eldar: you know? Yeah. 

[02:31:15] Toliy: When, when we, like, 

[02:31:16] Eldar: when you say something out loud. Yeah, 

[02:31:17] Toliy: yeah, yeah. Like that that, that's also a big thing. Is that like Yeah. If you don't say those things out loud, if you don't like, like if, if you're your own like judge and like er right.

[02:31:28] Then it's like, it, it doesn't work. Difficult. Doesn't, yeah. It's difficult to check yourself in that kind of way. Yeah. It doesn't work. But the moment that you say to others like us, for example mm-hmm. Like, I think you'll be able to like, um, find out very, very fast. Whe whether like, is there actually something pressing you?

[02:31:45] Like, is there actually something systematically that like you can't do because of this? And I think that you'll find that the answer will probably like, you know, will always be like, no it's not. 

[02:31:56] Speaker 9: Do I need to come into the office full time? 

[02:31:59] Eldar: Totally. Uh, preaches this all the time. He is big proponent of introducing a variable of someone else.

[02:32:07] Social dynamic. Yeah. When it comes to yourself, that's a hack. That's, that's like a hack. Yeah. Accountability is big. No, no, no. Because things in my 

[02:32:14] Toliy: head, for example, could make, you know, sense or like, you know, I'm not thinking about it. Mm-hmm. Like if I tell Mike or Elder about it, they'll be like, fuck are you saying?

[02:32:21] Speaker 6: Yeah, of course. You know. 

[02:32:22] Toliy: Yeah. How are you, how else can you get that? But, but to give credit to Kat, 

[02:32:26] Eldar: and she does use me as a sounding board for that as well. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. A lot of times she's like, yo, I'm thinking this nonsense right here. How I'm gonna go to the city to check me and park and shit like that.

[02:32:34] I'm like, what the fuck are you saying? Like, yeah. What's wrong with you? Like, this is it, this is straight path and these are 

[02:32:39] Speaker 6: real things. Yeah. And she's like, they're like ruining 

[02:32:42] Eldar: over this shit. I'm like, what the fuck? 

[02:32:44] Speaker 6: Yeah. And he helps me like snap out of it. 

[02:32:47] Toliy: Yeah. Time 

[02:32:48] Eldar: for the 

[02:32:48] Toliy: shit. Yeah. But eventually those things become automatic for you.

[02:32:52] Yeah. And you don't even have to like mm-hmm. Debate that. Totally. You know? 

[02:32:54] Speaker 6: Totally. It, I, it was a whole ordeal to even drive anywhere out of, out of this state. Like if I was crossing over, meeting someone in Yeah. New York or, or driving over to, you know, my old 

[02:33:09] Katherine: hometown. It was massive. Like, it was like a whole ordeal because driving would make me nervous.

[02:33:16] Now when I'm driving all over the place, I think about those years ago when I'm like, this wasn't possible before. Yeah. 

[02:33:22] Toliy: Before. Now I do it. There you go. 

[02:33:24] Katherine: I do it without a problem, you know? But back 

[02:33:26] Toliy: then there was a person that existed that said, this is not like, yeah. I couldn't do it 

[02:33:30] Katherine: the first two years that I began driving here.

[02:33:33] I only drove locally. 

[02:33:35] Speaker 4: Yeah. 

[02:33:35] Katherine: I only drove to out on the week, you know, drive myself to the train and then on the weekends to do small errands and like food shopping and stuff like that. Mm-hmm. I never went out of like a certain radius 'cause I was too scared. Yeah. I was like, this is, you know, so like, yeah.

[02:33:51] I've come a long way even just with that, you know, but I still, I still get in my 

[02:33:56] Speaker 9: head about silly stuff. 

[02:33:58] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. So you were saying earlier, 

[02:34:02] Eldar: I was writing off of what you were saying. Yeah. Like you were saying that, that, that 

[02:34:04] Speaker 9: I use you as a soundboard. I do very much. Yeah. 

[02:34:06] Eldar: Yeah. That, you know, I have to, over time you, you know, you have to kind of, yeah.

[02:34:10] What totally says, introduce variables and how, because there's 

[02:34:13] Speaker 6: a lot of delusions in here. You know, 

[02:34:14] Eldar: the most important thing is this, right? What you're striving for because we started with friendship and relationships. Mm. Yes. Is that to be able to be in the vicinity of individuals, right. Where you can be your true self and be allow the other people like totally maybe Mike and other people to be at the sounding board of some of your nonsense.

[02:34:33] Yeah. Because when you speak it out loud, like totally said, that's gonna be quickly dispelled if it's true or not. Because you don't have a horse in a race. Mike doesn't have a horse in a race. I don't have a horse in race. I don't care how you get to damn New York to meet your friend. You know what I mean?

[02:34:45] Like, I'm gonna tell you how it is, like either then you do this or you do that. Either you take the bus or you take the train or you take the car or whatever. You know, what's the most convenient way, you know mm-hmm. Kind of thing. So, but in order to have that right, um. Yeah, you have to slow down. You have to say like, what is it you actually want out of relationships?

[02:35:05] And do it in such a way where it is mindful at the end of the day, and what Mike said, in order to be mindful, right, you have to remove some of the stuff that's not serving you. In order to remove that stuff, you have to audit some of that stuff and say like, what's serving you? What's not right? And you get back to the root of saying that the question of why we went all the way around and said, why?

[02:35:28] Why does this have to be this way? Why don't Catherine believes this, this pattern? Why does Catherine believe this pattern? Oh, this pattern's completely nonsense. I'm outta here. I'm done. Remove it. Oh babe, what can we do to remove this right here currently? This is bothering me. Remove this. Help me. You know?

[02:35:45] And when you start removing those things, Mike's argument is that you are gonna make room for other things and specifically to start questioning, start becoming a little bit more curious. And when you start becoming a little bit more curious, you could outwardly be curious and ask us, or you can ask yourself.

[02:36:04] And I'm sure that if you're genuinely curious, 

[02:36:06] Speaker 7: you'll have a genuine, proper answer.

[02:36:11] And then if you follow it, you can find the fruits of its labor 

[02:36:15] Eldar: and actually have fun in life. 

[02:36:18] Speaker 4: Okay? 

[02:36:18] Eldar: I think that's what God wants you to do. I think that's what the design this design has, is implemented in itself, 

[02:36:26] Speaker 7: wants you to do, to have as much fun as possible.

[02:36:33] As we were talking, maybe we can save it for later. But I was thinking, 'cause a lot of, 

[02:36:37] Eldar: I, I watch a lot of like rap shit, you know, like gangsters and stuff in Chicago or Philadelphia or whatever, you know, I was like, maybe just, maybe we're just using the wrong words in order to get to some of these people.

[02:36:50] You know what I mean? And if we just use, like, if we just figured out today that the most important thing is fun, we have to use that language in order to communicate and stop some of this stuff. And by asking them the question of like, Hey, is this the most amount of fun you're gonna have? Because Right.

[02:37:05] If we can all relate to saying that we're trying to have fun. Right. Challenging them with that type of a simple question might be the maybe answer to some of it. 

[02:37:15] Mike: Yeah. I dunno. But I think ultimately everybody is gonna say they want have fun. And if they don't think everybody's gonna say and if they do right.

[02:37:24] Even though Chicago gangsters, they would, they just want to have fun. That's right. But the problem is there's a lot of dirty laundry and dirty stuff on top of that fun. And not everybody gets to it. Imagine if you just 

[02:37:36] Eldar: keep asking the same question. 

[02:37:38] Speaker 4: Mm. 

[02:37:39] Eldar: Over and over and over and over and over and over again.

[02:37:44] You know, can simple words, can simple truths actually penetrate the darkest of souls? 

[02:37:51] Toliy: Yeah. I think they can but it, but it's harder when like they don't have particular needs met. Tho those, those like, um, some of those simple words become complicated. Like even this what I'm saying? 

[02:38:04] Speaker 10: Yeah. 

[02:38:04] Mike: Okay. What do you think those guys would consider having fun?

[02:38:08] Those Chicago gangsters? I don't know. Or a Philly gangsters. What? Leading up against, what do they want do, bro? They wanna hang out with chicks. Yeah. They want to rock Gucci, fend de Louie. Yeah. They wanna ride some nice cars. Yeah. That's it. That's it. That's it. Eat some good food. 

[02:38:22] Eldar: But the truth of the matter is Right, what you just said, right.

[02:38:25] If then, like you said, you want to have fun, this is what you're trying to do. Fuck some bitches, drive some nice cars, hang out. Yeah. Like how do you accomplish that? Right. And, and in order to accomplish that, it's very simple. Yeah. Even if you were just doing some of the bad shit that is being done mm-hmm.

[02:38:41] Versus murder and all this other stuff. Yeah. Drug dealing or whatever. Yeah. You know, you could accomplish those things. Mm-hmm. You know, and then you figure out how to accomplish those things a little bit more, a little bit more and a little bit more mm-hmm. To be able to sustain that type of lifestyle.

[02:38:52] Yeah. You know, but yeah. The questions are very simple. Yeah. 

[02:38:56] Mike: And what they all wanted is, is also very simple, I think. Yeah. Most people want the same stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Just to have fun. That's it. 

[02:39:04] Eldar: Alright. These are our final thoughts. Mm-hmm. Just have fun. Yeah. Thank you guys. This was great as always. 

[02:39:10] Speaker 9: Thank you.

[02:39:10] Thank you.