197. Alcoholism

Is your "controlled" drinking actually a slow-motion crash?

Most people wait for a rock-bottom moment to change. But what if the real danger isn't the "binge"—it's the constant, justified "moderate" habit that slowly erodes the life you were meant to live?.

In this raw and unfiltered "First Principles Autopsy," we sit down with Julius to deconstruct the psychology of addiction, the "magic bullet" myth of hypnosis, and why we move the line in the sand every single day to stay comfortable. We explore why quitting the substance is often the easy part—the hard part is recoding the broken logic that caused the fire in the first place.

Insightful Moment of the Episode:

"Drinking is not the problem. Smoking is not the problem. The problem is the things that cause you to do that. By quitting drinking, it’s not going to change anything... eventually, you have to look under the bed because you can’t keep running."— Mike 

Key Takeaways:

• The Justification Trap: How "moving the line in the sand" prevents you from ever reaching your limit.
• Hypnosis vs. Speed Therapy: Can you actually "recode" your triggers, or are you just looking for a magic bullet shortcut?.
• The Comparison Curse: Why comparing your "level" of addiction to others is a race to the bottom.
• The Cost of "Moderate" Success: Why being "productive while drinking" is the most dangerous form of self-sabotage.

By the end of the session, the team poses a final, brutal question to Julius that changes everything: Is he ready to admit he’s been acting like an "idiot" to protect his ego, or will he walk back into the environment that’s quietly killing his potential? Stay tuned for the final 10 minutes where the mask finally slips....

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Feel stuck and can't actualize? We'd love to hear your story - we can even dissect it on our next episode. Submit your story using this form - https://forms.gle/joegCWQ7mHt7eN3K9

Chapters

• 1:17 Exploring Alcohol Addiction and Hypnosis
• 6:28 The Cycle of Drinking and Depression
• 21:50 The Importance of Self-Talk and Therapy
• 32:17 Small Steps vs. Big Leaps
• 41:49 Therapy and Self-Discovery
• 1:02:43 The Ineffectiveness of Avoidance
• 1:09:10 The Importance of Self-Awareness
• 1:11:06 Final Thoughts and Reflections

Transcript

[00:00:00] Julius: On this week's episode, you drink, you wake up, you wake up, just go do this. You feel you're still productive. Yeah. Like if you feel you're not ruining your life, 'cause you still get a paycheck, you still got a feeling. It's just whatever it is, but you're like, how much better my life could be Like without that.

[00:00:13] Toliy: Doing stuff every single day and improving your life, little by little, that is much harder than that one hypnosis session or that one imagine bullet. I feel like just most people are not able to do those. Like little movements. 

[00:00:25] Mike: Drinking, it's not a problem. Smoking is not a problem. There's no problem there.

[00:00:29] It's the problem is the things that cause you to do that. So by quitting drinking, it's not gonna change anything.

[00:00:43] Eldar: All right guys. A popular demand and we, you know, we don't have a lot of guests on the show, but when we do have guests, we like to dedicate those topics to our guests. Obviously we wanna make sure it's as relevant as possible. So today's topic is gonna be on the side of hypnosis. 

[00:00:59] Julius: Oh yeah. 

[00:01:00] Eldar: All right. Where Julius has been requesting for quite some time, very specifically, he is trying to hypnosis himself into what?

[00:01:09] Julius: I mean, it's just, 

[00:01:09] Katherine: you mean Hypnotize, 

[00:01:10] Julius: hypno, hyp, this, this, there's hypnosis treatment for like smoking and that drinking and things like that, that like just triggers. Mm-hmm. 

[00:01:17] Eldar: Yes. So we're gonna talk about alcohol addiction. 

[00:01:21] Julius: Okay. 

[00:01:22] Eldar: Okay. Specifically alcoholism. Okay. And the question around it is obviously the same question that we always talk about, right?

[00:01:31] It's, it's linked to, um, wanting to start a very specific life for yourself. Wanting to start, uh, actualizing yourself, wanting to start, you know, doing something better for yourself. You know, but it's very hard to start. Right. And one of the things that hold us back is, you know, it could be alcohol addiction, it could be drug addiction, it could be sex addiction, it could be whatever, addiction, right?

[00:01:52] It could be fear, it could be anxiety, it can be whatever, you know, but something's always holding us back from actualizing what we really want to be, or who, you know, who we are. Maybe at a, at our essence, right? Our core. Um, and obviously maybe Drew is struggling with certain things. He's our guest, right?

[00:02:09] Like anybody else is struggling. Um, he mentioned many times that he wants to get hypnotized, right? So, so the, so the question is why, why 

[00:02:17] Julius: somebody has, 

[00:02:18] Eldar: so the question is, why, right? For what, uh, why this specific, you know, treatment or, um, way of, you know, getting himself off over this. Julie, so give us, give us a little bit of insight why you think that that would be something that he's gonna be able to finally give you a big enough reason, a good enough reason to finally turn that leaf that you've been trying to turn for quite some time.

[00:02:41] Julius: Well, personally I think it's because I haven't, I mean, I have family members that have pushed it to the aism level as clinical. Mm-hmm. So I, you know, tendencies come where I come from, you know, it's mm-hmm. Myan, cold Turkey smoking drink and things like that. Just, you know, strong willpower. Right. Okay. And it's, uh, but she also eliminated herself from the, from the, from the environment that has all that.

[00:03:00] Nikki: Mm-hmm. 

[00:03:01] Julius: So it's kind of, you know, she was able to, she, it was like opportunity for her to do so. Right. Yeah. So it's the right time, right place, some kind of thing and, and kind of things fell into place for her. And it's treatment is, I mean, alcohol is smoking this and that. It's, it something triggers it.

[00:03:17] Nikki: Mm-hmm. 

[00:03:18] Julius: Where I looked at it in a way, like, hypnosis is like psychological in a way where like they, it, it helps you. Some people don't know, but it helps you rewire why, how you look and what triggers your drinking, what it is. It's kind of like if they, if they could hypnotize you forget that you like cigarettes.

[00:03:35] Yeah. Great. Mm-hmm. But that's not the case, right? 

[00:03:37] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:03:38] Julius: It's something else. It's uh, uh, like my grandfather, I think, I dunno if you guys familiar something, they used to call it coding. Right? Coding for like that. But like I did the research, I used to think something's in the actual syringe, the coding part of it.

[00:03:49] Yeah. Like where they shoot you up is not, it's actually used with hypnotherapy cooked together. 

[00:03:53] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:03:53] Julius: But they use it as a placebo. 

[00:03:54] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:03:55] Julius: So they hypnotize it, give you a shot. You actually believe that that shot does something for you. 

[00:03:58] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:03:59] Julius: You know, and it's the second you break the thought of believing in that shot, which my grandfather used to figure it out.

[00:04:04] Like, if I drink enough of this and that, I'll break through it. He's like, oh, it actually doesn't stop me from, it's like, what is, what's what? But when your mind flips that switch, it's like the magic word, you know, like 

[00:04:14] Eldar: mm-hmm. 

[00:04:15] Julius: That makes you, like on the stage, people that are hypnotized on the stage. Like if I say, you know, stop, you're gonna do something.

[00:04:19] Eldar: Okay. 

[00:04:19] Julius: Right. So there's something there is. It, it's, it's hard to explain, and I've seen people, I've seen work on people. 

[00:04:25] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:04:26] Julius: But I feel like you have to want to, you have to have the desire, so. Mm-hmm. And, 

[00:04:31] Eldar: but you want, it's almost feels like a little bit of a magic. No. 

[00:04:34] Julius: Yeah. So, I mean, it's like a magic bullet.

[00:04:36] It's, it's like a magic bullet type of thing. Right. So it's kind of, you gotta believe in it that it might work. Yeah. Is knowing, knowing that it's fake, might, you know, if you believe that it's fake, negate it, it negates completely. It's like, yeah. But people like, oh, it could never be hypnotized. Mm-hmm. And then they make a fool of themselves in theater.

[00:04:52] Right. It's like, what's that? Like, how can navigate, right. 

[00:04:54] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:04:55] Julius: And like also how multiple in mind is. 

[00:04:59] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:04:59] Julius: In a way. Like, if you're just against it completely, it's gotta be something, you know? 

[00:05:03] Eldar: So, so a wall. Can you tell, can you tell me about your experience and how did you finally kind of inched away slowly towards this?

[00:05:09] Maybe like finally entertaining this type of thing where it's like you couldn't figure it out yourself. Let's just say now that you won kind of like this magical little like. You know, snap over the fingers in order to finally get you thing a shortcut. Like it sounds like maybe you're too smart for your own good and now like, you're like, oh, I'm ready to be tricked.

[00:05:25] Like, you know? 

[00:05:25] Julius: Yeah. It's like it's, I feel like I, I, I don't fully understand what's, you know, I've haven't read into it too. 

[00:05:31] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:05:32] Julius: I don't wanna read too much into it. 'cause like, I will find a way out what they say. Like, okay, that's, that's, you know, it's that like, let's see if it works and if it doesn't, like, awesome.

[00:05:42] Mm-hmm. Right. But it's like, I've met people that they know that they've been hypnotized and they know that they don't, like, I was like, I used to always things like, you get hypnotized, like you forget alcohol. Like you forget what your liquor stories. Mm-hmm. 

[00:05:52] Katherine: Like, 

[00:05:53] Julius: that's not the case. It's Yeah. You explain, it's like, no, it's the things that makes you trigger to want to drink.

[00:05:57] Katherine: Mm-hmm. 

[00:05:58] Julius: They hypnotize to treat those things in your brain different. Mm-hmm. It's almost like a therapy, but it's like a speed therapy. 

[00:06:03] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:06:03] Julius: In a way. But I, it's. I, I'm gonna just try to experience it, see what it is. No, I get it. Let's vote 

[00:06:10] Eldar: way 

[00:06:10] Julius: to some 

[00:06:11] Eldar: degree. It's brave to some degree. It's maybe stupid, but 

[00:06:13] Julius: Yeah.

[00:06:13] I 

[00:06:14] Eldar: mean, it, you never know. 

[00:06:15] Julius: I don't see any harm in it. 

[00:06:16] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:06:17] Julius: You know, there's 

[00:06:17] Katherine: no harm in, 

[00:06:18] Julius: you know, there's no harm, no foul, you know, type of thing. People like, oh, I'm gonna go take, was like something 

[00:06:21] Katherine: invasive, but 

[00:06:22] Eldar: you, you still didn't explain to me how'd you finally get to this point? We obviously had some attempts to try to do it on your own.

[00:06:28] Right. 

[00:06:28] Julius: Well, 'cause I justify drinking. Right? Okay. So I'm like, okay, I could get off to work, go Monday through 

[00:06:31] Friday. 

[00:06:33] Eldar: Okay. So the, then I'll justify, okay, so what's wrong with that? Well, why is it that, like, okay, if you justify it right, one side of you saying that, Hey, it's okay to drink, I'm justifying it.

[00:06:39] Right? But on the other hand, you wanna stop drinking. What's, where's the battle? 

[00:06:42] Julius: It's because I feel like now of, of the ages, like I see the, I've, I've run into people that have cold Turkey stopped drinking, right? Mm-hmm. And I see their health getting better. This is this and that. Like, okay, yeah. As good of, as much as damage I've put into my body for the past 30 years.

[00:06:56] Mm-hmm. Or 25 years, whatever it is, right? Yeah. Let's call it, I'm 38 years old, so like, let's call it from eight. I didn't drink heavy with anything like that till. Still in my mid twenties. 

[00:07:04] Eldar: Yeah, 

[00:07:05] Julius: I was into sports basketball. I didn't care. Didn't matter. That doesn't even, my mind was like, oh, lemme go get some weed if this is that.

[00:07:10] Like, it was not, it was not my focus, right? Mm-hmm. So it's like, turn my focus to something else and like remove the, 'cause my drinking isn't to the point where it's like alcoholism, right? Mm-hmm. It's just, it's not a binge drinking, but it's constant, right? Mm-hmm. It's just constant. But that leads to others.

[00:07:24] To others, to others. And then sometimes you get a bender and it's like, dude, it's Sunday. I've been drinking since Friday. Like, dude, like, what's up? And like, but like you drink, you wake up, you wake up, just go, dude, this, you feel you're still productive. Yeah. Like if you feel you're not ruining your life, 'cause you're still get a paycheck, you still gotta fail.

[00:07:38] It's just whatever it is. 

[00:07:39] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:07:40] Julius: But you're like, how much better my life could be like without that. 

[00:07:43] Eldar: Alright. So it's almost like, uh, to one degree you enjoying it, right? 

[00:07:46] Julius: Yes. 

[00:07:47] Eldar: But then on the other side, it's like, yo, like this is too much and this might be hurting me. What, what part is hurting? 

[00:07:54] Julius: Uh, the hurting part is like, it's, it's.

[00:07:57] The, the, the, if 

[00:07:58] Eldar: you managing 

[00:07:58] Julius: it right, the second day. Depression. Okay. Second day. Depression. Recovery. Depression. They're waking up the, 

[00:08:02] Eldar: okay. 

[00:08:02] Julius: I've gotten to the point where like, I don't get hand. I, I drink smart enough, or I drink without a hand. And the 

[00:08:07] Katherine: serotonin is low. 

[00:08:08] Julius: Yeah. It's just 

[00:08:08] Katherine: recovering from 

[00:08:09] Julius: crash, everything.

[00:08:10] What's the next day? Easier to get another drink? Mm-hmm. Or whatever it is. 'cause it gets you right back up. It's the, it's the fastest shortcut. 

[00:08:15] Nikki: Mm-hmm. 

[00:08:16] Julius: Alcohol is the fastest drug for shortcut added depression. 

[00:08:18] Nikki: Mm-hmm. 

[00:08:19] Julius: But also, once you do it, it's domino effect. It doubles down the next day. Yeah. It actually, and the next day.

[00:08:23] And the next day. So now it's like, first day you drink five drinks, now you're happy, you wake up. It's like, all right, but now, next day you need six. 

[00:08:31] Eldar: Okay. 

[00:08:31] Julius: You take a week, you're back to the five. But now when it goes into the Monday, so you know this, I'm there. It grows. It grows. Yeah. 

[00:08:36] Eldar: So, so the person that knows this and finally says, okay, this is, this hurts too much.

[00:08:40] Why can't that person take, take charge? 

[00:08:42] Julius: Because you justified it. It's like lighting a cigarettes. Like I'll quit. But you justified it. Like, I'm not bad enough. 

[00:08:48] Eldar: Yeah, but it hurts enough. 

[00:08:49] Julius: Yeah, but it doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt enough. 

[00:08:51] Eldar: It doesn't 

[00:08:51] Julius: hurt enough. You haven't caused enough damage to somebody else or yourself to realize like, okay, that this is the line I should never crossed.

[00:08:58] Eldar: Yeah, but the thoughts still come to stop. 

[00:09:00] Julius: The problem is like with drinking, like you move the line in the sand every day, 

[00:09:03] Eldar: Uhhuh, 

[00:09:04] Julius: you move the line in the sand every day, and that's your tolerance changes, right? So like now it's alright, I'm good. You know? Mm-hmm. It's like I'm still functioning. As long as something doesn't collapse completely, you're like, okay, I'm good.

[00:09:14] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:09:14] Julius: But like you have to hit rock bottom in the 

[00:09:16] Eldar: way. But the second day, depression comes every second day. 

[00:09:19] Julius: Yes. But the thing is, it's, it's, it becomes a, it becomes like a cycle, right? It's like you, it's very, it becomes very tolerable when you play basketball and you're sore. 

[00:09:25] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:09:26] Julius: You get up the next day and go play.

[00:09:27] Right? 

[00:09:27] Eldar: Not anymore. 

[00:09:28] Julius: Exactly. But used to You would. But we used to used, it's a matter, but you know, the pain's coming. Yes. You 

[00:09:33] Eldar: know the pain's. No, no, no, no, no. But there's a positive to that. No, no. See, the thing is, I think that, yeah, and that's, I think it's a very good example because it, it caused me to stop recently.

[00:09:42] Right. Because the pain was so like, like, bro, like pain, bro, what's wrong with you? Like, yeah, we love basketball. You know, this, 

[00:09:48] Julius: it's, it was almost like I refuse to go to the doctor with my injuries. I was like, no, I'm not going. 'cause I gotta play. 

[00:09:53] Eldar: Yeah. But the next day it's like, this is bad. Like something's gotta give.

[00:09:57] Right. And that's why I found rock climbing is one of the reasons why I found rock climbing. Hey, a snowboard. Yeah. Whatever. But yeah. But we understand as we grow older, we finally become maybe more fragile or sensitive to pain. It just sounds like you are becoming more sensitive to pain. 

[00:10:12] Julius: Yeah. Okay. 

[00:10:12] Eldar: That's a 

[00:10:13] Julius: very, that's a very good way of put 

[00:10:14] Eldar: it.

[00:10:14] Right. Which is a good thing, I think, right? Where you're saying like, look, my second day hangover, like I can't take it anymore. This shit's pissing me off. Like you having an internal battle where it's like, alright, well one day you're gonna get fed up and it's gonna either be cold Turkey or hypnosis or whatever it is, but you gonna get fed up.

[00:10:28] Yeah. Right? 

[00:10:30] Julius: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm, I'm fed up with it. I'm fed up with it already. I've been fed up with, it's like, it's, it's just the culture. Everybody I work with and things like that, like smoking is the hardest thing for me to drop. Mm-hmm. Because I work, when I, when I work indoors, like I could be on a plane for 12 hours and not smoke a cigarette and I even care about it.

[00:10:47] Eldar: Okay. 

[00:10:47] Julius: My mind's off of it 'cause something else, whatever. It's like, it's, it's your environment around you. 

[00:10:53] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:10:54] Julius: Influences a little bit, but when you feel that you, like when you see the triggers, those triggers you talk about when you see your friends that are drinking heavy. Yeah. 

[00:11:00] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:11:00] Julius: And they're going down and drain.

[00:11:02] You're drinking every day and they're like. My life ain't that bad. Mm-hmm. I'll continue this, I'll be all right. 

[00:11:06] Eldar: So there's some comparisons that you're, 

[00:11:08] Julius: and stuff like that. You know, it's like, you know, it's, I tell people, a, a friend of mine, it's like, he's like, don't go to aa, bro. Like, alcohol is not like anger.

[00:11:14] You're not an alcoholic. Your hands don't shake. So when you go there, my life ain't that bad. 

[00:11:19] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:11:20] Julius: He goes out and has a drink, like, that's not 

[00:11:22] Eldar: Yeah. But again, but that's not a fair assessment though. Yeah. You can, yeah. We can compare ourselves to kids in Afghanistan all all day. You could fool yourself.

[00:11:27] Exactly. But Yeah. But at the end of the day, you're comparing yourself to the, to the second day of drinking. Right. Like you said, that's 

[00:11:33] Katherine: part of the justification, right? 

[00:11:34] Eldar: That's your, that's your bar. Yeah. That's justification. Yeah. 

[00:11:36] Katherine: Yeah. 

[00:11:37] Eldar: Your bar is always like, how are we gonna feel tomorrow? Did we overplay basketball?

[00:11:41] Did we overdr, did we overdo anything? Right? And your second day is coming every single time. And Right. So it's like, that's your bar and that's your, you know, you can't compare yourself to a person who's been drinking, been drinking for three days and his, you know, day four is really fucked up or whatever.

[00:11:57] Julius: Yeah. 

[00:11:57] Eldar: You know what I mean? 

[00:11:58] Julius: Like, but then, you know, you can talk about people that drink, like there's weekend alcoholic 

[00:12:01] Eldar: mm-hmm. 

[00:12:02] Julius: To up weekend alcoholic best people that drink moderately. Like I've, I've never gotten to the point where like, if I have a drink, I'll drink the drunk drop. Mm-hmm. I, I could have a couple of beers and walk outta the bar.

[00:12:14] Some people can't. Mm-hmm. 

[00:12:14] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:12:15] Julius: You know, like, I'm not there, therefore justified, like, that's not my problem. 

[00:12:19] Eldar: Yeah. Do 

[00:12:20] Julius: you like that? That's where like, there's, there isn't a label. 

[00:12:23] Eldar: Sure. 

[00:12:23] Julius: There isn't a label for non alcoholics, but, 

[00:12:27] Eldar: but it's not a big, maybe 

[00:12:28] Katherine: it's a cognitive dissonance to, to, to not. Get there to say it's a not 

[00:12:32] Eldar: a, again, it's not a fair assessment of yourself though.

[00:12:34] Katherine: Yeah, yeah. 

[00:12:35] Eldar: Right. It's again, comparing someone in somebody else's body, somebody else's status. Yeah. Or whatever it is that doesn't work for Juris. Like, that guy like Juris is not gonna wake up the next day. And that guy's body, Julius is gonna wake up in his own body, feel his own pains and his own mind.

[00:12:48] Right. So it's never, you can never compare yourself to anybody else. That's a complete wrong like assumption to make. Mm-hmm. 

[00:12:54] Julius: Because we compare ourselves to everybody else all the 

[00:12:56] Eldar: time. No, no, no, no, no, no. And I'm, I'm, I'm raising awareness mm-hmm. On certain things, like you said, there are certain triggers that have gotten away from you, from your mind, and therefore that's why you want to get hypnotized.

[00:13:07] This you explaining in detail a very specific trigger, right? 

[00:13:11] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:13:12] Eldar: And I think that if we raise enough awareness of that specific trigger, you might get a hold of it and therefore you're gonna be like, yeah, yeah, I, yeah, he's drinking. He is a lot worse. I don't drink as much as him. But then you're be like, wait, but tomorrow I have to wake up to myself.

[00:13:26] You get enough of those reminders, right? You're gonna be able to withstand that argument that you're having with yourself, or you're comparing yourself to others, or you watching other people smoke and drink and do this other stuff. You now are being responsible for your own wellbeing, 

[00:13:40] Julius: okay? 

[00:13:41] Eldar: With with observation of others, no problem.

[00:13:43] But now you care for your own body and your own self every single time that argument comes across your desk. So that's a trigger, right? Which became automatic for you. But my challenge to you is not quitting alcohol. My, my challenge to you is to start thinking. Because then you're gonna be like, wait a second.

[00:14:00] That's a false argument. Yeah. Because right now I'm looking 

[00:14:01] Julius: at it physically. 

[00:14:02] Eldar: Yes. 

[00:14:03] Toliy: But it's also the comparison, like comparing to others is like a forever argument. And you could just keep steeping lower and lower. 

[00:14:10] Eldar: Of course. 

[00:14:10] Toliy: Go lower and lower. 

[00:14:11] Eldar: Yeah. My shit is bad. But let's, but why don't we go to Patterson and watch junkies like shoot off under the Bris?

[00:14:16] Toliy: Someone's always, you can always get down to the argument where like, well, at least I'm alive still, and they're not, there you go. You know, 

[00:14:24] Eldar: my legs are 

[00:14:24] Toliy: not amputated. Yeah. Yeah. Then what's next? You know? And that it, it'll, it'll keep going tomorrow, be lower and lower. 

[00:14:29] Eldar: So my problem is not with alcohol here, my problem is the way you think.

[00:14:34] Julius: Okay. 

[00:14:34] Eldar: And I think that if you, if you know, obviously I'm not, I'm not trying to code you here, but I'm trying to code you here. 

[00:14:39] Julius: Yeah, no, 

[00:14:40] it's, 

[00:14:40] Eldar: I'm trying to recode the type of thinking that you're doing against yourself. You know what I mean? On, on a daily basis. And if you, if we challenge those things that are completely incorrect, you'll see that you're gonna be a lot better to yourself.

[00:14:52] You're gonna treat yourself a little bit better. With time, obviously. 

[00:14:56] Julius: Of course. No, it's, it's step by step. I mean, it's not, it's, you 

[00:14:58] Eldar: know, 

[00:14:59] Julius: it's not easy to just, I've done, I mean, I've gone to where like cold Turkey, you go weeks and like, I mean, I've been at work where, like I've been out in Arkansas, right?

[00:15:08] So to go weeks and weeks and you're not drinking, you're not smoking, none of that. You're working. And it's like, you get out of that from that project and the first thing they do is like, all right, let's go to the bar, let's go. It's, it's just the culture was around. 

[00:15:18] Katherine: It's a, so it's just like a 

[00:15:20] Julius: social thing, you know?

[00:15:20] It's a social thing. Like, so, like, I'm never, you know, it's like it's, some people drink and they become issues, right? Mm-hmm. Some people drink, you know, can't control it. Some people, uh, I have a lot of family issues. Like, my father's a heavy drinker. My father cannot not drink three, four shots of vodka before he goes to sleep every day.

[00:15:37] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:15:37] Julius: Like, it's just, it's just a thing he does. But the thing is like, I'm good, dude. I'm, he's like, I'm, you know, he is like, he looks at his, my father drank till he is 92. Like nothing. As long as his responsibility is right, he, like, I'm retired. I, I don't owe anybody any. 

[00:15:48] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:15:49] Julius: Right. It's like. The day I started, like I'm getting hung over.

[00:15:53] The thing 

[00:15:53] Eldar: is, your dad was not complaining. 

[00:15:55] Julius: Yeah. 

[00:15:55] Eldar: You're complaining. 

[00:15:56] Julius: Yes. I'm complaining because, got you looking for the answers. It got to the point where like, it would be a Sunday like this and I, I'll wake up Monday morning and be like, I'm hung over. I'm going to work. I'm like, this sucks, dude. But like, you don't drink till Friday and Friday.

[00:16:06] Like, word. I worked off this week, like, oh, let me reward myself. Right? Mm-hmm. It's worst. Let me have some fun. Lemme get outta this. Like, look, 

[00:16:11] Katherine: I deserve this. 

[00:16:11] Julius: Let me, let me get outta this. Let me, let me stop thinking about these bills. Lemme go spend two bars, two hours at the bar. Like, this shit just goes out the window.

[00:16:18] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Yeah. 

[00:16:19] Julius: You know, it's just, it's completely your lalo. Yeah. You know, it's like, it doesn't matter. But then you get out and like, can't drive home. This Cal's gonna cost me 80 bucks. This sucks. The real life, you know, reality concern. You wake up next morning, it's like, how did I get home, dude, how 

[00:16:31] Katherine: did 

[00:16:31] Eldar: I do 

[00:16:32] Katherine: this?

[00:16:32] Julius: You know? It sucks. Yeah. That's what sucks. It's like, but just like, and it's, you control it, controller control and one day something triggers you and goes off again. Right. 

[00:16:40] Eldar: See, I'm not sure, that's the thing. I'm not sure if controlling it is the answer here. 

[00:16:45] Julius: Well, me and you discussed it years ago when I came for you for help, and it's like, all right, you can't call Turkey.

[00:16:50] Reward yourself. Pick a day. This is what you're gonna do, this and that. And little by little wean it out. I 

[00:16:54] Eldar: don't remember this conversation by the, the way, just 

[00:16:55] Julius: for the record, but like, wean it out little by little. Wean it out little by little. He is like, you go cold Turkey. Be 

[00:16:59] Eldar: angry at No, I actually don't think that you have to, Dr.

[00:17:01] Stop drinking at all. I think you should keep drinking. 

[00:17:05] Katherine: Explain that. 

[00:17:06] Julius: Yeah. I mean, I thought that too. I was like, I was like, I don't, 

[00:17:09] Katherine: no, 

[00:17:10] Julius: it just gotta done. 

[00:17:11] Eldar: Explain. No, I, the way I see it is like, look, if you don't have enough reasons, if you don't have enough good reasons to tell yourself to not do it right and you're not in, you're not in enough pain yet to actually stop.

[00:17:22] Right. And you are in enough pain throughout the day in order to find relief in it, you should continue to do it. What the fuck? That's your way of calming down. 

[00:17:30] Katherine: I know it sounds crazy, but this I know, but this, you, you, you have the, you have the awareness of it and you don't like it. Yeah. But you may not be at rock bottom because when you are, you are going to be so, like, you're just gonna be so tired of doing this that you're like.

[00:17:46] Screw this, I'm gonna change, I'm gonna stop. I'm gonna do something. And you're gonna have enough good reasons for yourself, but you have to be really fed up 

[00:17:52] Eldar: with, and nobody else can be able to tell you anything. 

[00:17:53] Katherine: Exactly. And no one, not even, even your coworkers, a after the end of a project, when they say, Hey Julius, let's go to the bar, you're gonna be like, fuck that.

[00:18:01] Eldar: But the problem is not in drinking. The problem is in your lifestyle. And the lifestyle is causing you pain, but your lifestyle is causing you pain is because you're interpreting the world incorrectly. 

[00:18:11] Julius: Okay. Okay. 

[00:18:12] Eldar: Okay. And because you're interpreting the whole world incorrectly, it's causing you stress.

[00:18:16] Rightfully so. You found a good outlet, which I like to drink too, Julius. You know what I'm saying? Like it feels good to relax, to chill it. Yeah. It relieves certain pains and aches and all this other stuff. Like I think that it's a, there's a reason for it. No. You know what I mean? 

[00:18:28] Julius: Yeah. Like, 

[00:18:29] Eldar: but obviously, you know, like anybody who has found wisdom or wise preaches, moderation.

[00:18:35] You know what I mean? Find the middle ground and don't overdo things and stuff 

[00:18:38] Julius: like that. That's about, I feel like I've found moderation kind like my me, my mother says, is like, well, I've never seen your shit based. Like, in the years that I've known, it's like you've never, it's, it's the thing. 

[00:18:46] Eldar: No problem.

[00:18:47] But ultimately the conversation that you're having yourself the second day is a bad one, right? Where you're like, oh, I'm a piece of shit. I did this again. How do I end up here? Everything hurts. And now I gotta go to work on hangover with a hangover. Right? So it means you didn't find the middle ground yet.

[00:19:01] Julius: That is not a common occurrence. That's what it is. But it, it, it started happening a lobo of one, you know, once Yeah. And twice a day. Yeah. Pull, I'll pull it back. Yeah. But then I was like, I don't wanna get back to that, where like, I have to pull it back. Yeah. Let me figure out where it's like, yeah. The moderation of control of it.

[00:19:15] Like, yeah. I, I understand the moderation and it's like justification of was lighting a cigarette every time. It's like, I, it is, you know, it's, you justify, you justify your wrongdoing, you know? It's like, it's, it's, 

[00:19:28] Eldar: you have to continue obviously, somehow. So do you have to justify 

[00:19:31] Nikki: it? 

[00:19:31] Julius: Yeah. 

[00:19:32] Nikki: Yeah. There's a reason for 

[00:19:32] Eldar: that.

[00:19:32] I, you know what I mean? You have to calm yourself down and you're like, oh, okay. Look, you know, there's reasons why we do it, but I think that if you start looking at it the way you, the proper way, like what I'm telling you, like, look, Julius, you are in pain throughout the week. And because you fucked up throughout the week, you ought to drink.

[00:19:48] It's a natural thing. You know what I mean? But don't say like, these triggers got away from me. They did get away from you, Jules. You stopped looking at things the right way. 

[00:19:57] Julius: Yeah. And mean it become subconscious. Yeah. 

[00:19:59] Eldar: They become subconscious. And then you're like, what the fuck we're drinking again? Like, because it's a natural habit now to go there because you know how to relieve pain and by drinking, you relieve pain.

[00:20:09] Julius: Yeah. It's a place of comfort. 

[00:20:11] Eldar: Yeah. Mm-hmm. 100% a 

[00:20:12] place 

[00:20:12] Julius: of comfort. Yeah. 

[00:20:13] Eldar: Yeah. You drink, you relax, you calm down, your mind stops racing. You know what I mean? 'cause you have a, you are a fucking buzzer. You can't stop fucking talking. I remember the last time you took a fucking breath. Oh no. You know, you know what I mean when you talk.

[00:20:24] Julius: Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:20:24] Eldar: So you know what I'm saying? So if you start looking at life in yourself, uh, the right way throughout the whole week or every single day and evaluate properly, you'll know like, okay, I'm drinking because I fucked up today and this is where I fucked up. But then you at least have real reasons as to why.

[00:20:40] You know what I mean? And maybe then you can find the right bars to say, okay, I fucked up today and this is how much pain I'm in. How many shots do I need? If you start looking at it realistically and start having that type of conversation with yourself, sooner or later you'll be like, ah, let's stop fucking up, man, because like, we really don't like the way this is ending up.

[00:20:57] Julius: Okay. But it's 

[00:20:58] Toliy: also like, the way that you're saying that, I feel like, um, I'm not sure how many people believe that they can have like, like a, uh, like a Monday through Friday or like just like a weekly life without a, a lot of pain. 

[00:21:11] Eldar: I agree. That's why I'm challenging him to do that. Yeah. Yeah. So if you start, if you remove everything, all the pains, all the struggles that Juris is going through, all the nonsense that he's going through in his head, all the different challenges, maybe fights with his mom, maybe fights with Nikki and all this other stuff, Juris will not have a reason to drink.

[00:21:27] Impossible, because the body's gonna say, yo, we're good. We don't need this. Because alcohol also to some degree hurts us, obviously. 

[00:21:34] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:21:35] Eldar: It is just that sometimes the pain threshold that we mentally infuse into ourselves is a lot less than what alcohol does to us, 

[00:21:42] Toliy: and it's also significantly harder to work on those things than just to 

[00:21:46] Eldar: correct and just take a couple of shots.

[00:21:49] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:21:50] Eldar: So I think that, you know, in the mature way, if you start looking at drinking and alcohol and your habit, whatever bad habits you guys have, whoever's listening right now, you know, um, in the more sober quote unquote way, then I think that you're gonna have a more honest conversation with yourself and sooner or later you're gonna find the middle ground where like, either we're drinking or we're doing this, or at least accepting the responsibility for the second day of hangover.

[00:22:12] Like, okay, I'm a piece of shit, I'm an idiot. You know what I mean? But I think that for a, a long period of time, if you keep saying that to yourself, you're gonna wake up one day and like, yo, I don't wanna be a piece of shit anymore. I don't want to be an idiot. What can we do today in order fucking not to mush the whole day and need to drink at night?

[00:22:27] That's the challenge. 

[00:22:27] Julius: More responsibility. 

[00:22:29] Eldar: Well, there you go. That could be one. That could be one thing, right? Where, oh, I need to get busy. I need to get busy. I need to do projects. Some people do that. Yes. 

[00:22:35] Julius: Not just projects, things that it's like, 

[00:22:37] Eldar: whatever. Right. Does 

[00:22:38] Katherine: it make you feel good? Maybe like 

[00:22:40] Julius: a hobby.

[00:22:40] Hobby or 

[00:22:40] Katherine: something. 

[00:22:41] Julius: I've gone places you go, like you go away somewhere like, oh, I'm gonna do this, this, and that. Like, I've been on vacation. We're like, oh dude, just get, you, get plaster the night before you get up. Like, dude, I'm not mo I'm on vacation, but I'm not moving. Like, I'm not going, I'm not going to see any sites, bro.

[00:22:54] I'm gonna sit at the pool. I'm gonna drink more. I'm gonna drink this hangover. Like you in Mexico, it's like you don't see, you don't see nothing but the pool. Yeah. Like there's, it is like there's a whole different, 

[00:23:03] Eldar: yeah. 

[00:23:03] Julius: And it's like, then you feel bad. It's like, dude, I paid so much money. I just, I could've done this at home.

[00:23:07] Eldar: You see? You caught you in constant pain. 

[00:23:09] Katherine: Yeah. 

[00:23:10] Julius: And I'm 

[00:23:10] Katherine: like, and how do you feel about yourself actually? Yeah. When you have that realization, like, I just spent all this money. 

[00:23:15] Julius: You feel 

[00:23:15] Katherine: stupid, and I could have just done this. You feel stupid. Exactly. Of it's like, there 

[00:23:19] Eldar: you go, 

[00:23:19] Katherine: Def it can't feel good to spend money.

[00:23:21] No. 

[00:23:21] Julius: Then you justify, it's like, oh, it's fine. I'll do that. You know, just that or whatever. It's like, it's like, oh, it's not that great of weather or whatever. It's, 

[00:23:26] Eldar: yeah. You 

[00:23:27] Julius: know, like, it's 

[00:23:27] Katherine: like you 

[00:23:28] Eldar: justify 

[00:23:29] Katherine: it's crack outside anyway. 

[00:23:30] Julius: Like 92, 

[00:23:31] Eldar: next thing you know, you you become very negative. 

[00:23:34] Katherine: Yeah. 

[00:23:35] Eldar: You become very 

[00:23:35] Katherine: negative.

[00:23:35] Yeah. I think I get Can you imagine like how negative the self-talk is? Yeah. When you are constantly feeling like back to back you on a 

[00:23:42] conversation 

[00:23:42] Eldar: with 

[00:23:43] Katherine: yourself nonstop, not feeling well and you did that to yourself, like, yeah, you're not gonna be nice to yourself. You're gonna, you're probably not gonna feel good.

[00:23:49] Yeah. You know, you're gonna be pretty negative. I would assume. 

[00:23:53] Julius: It's wild that we had this conversation today, like when she was, um, Nicki went, we went to, uh, he went to get a haircut, my barber, and he is like, he, he literally, he's a very interesting guy. He asked Chad Petit, literally he is like, how do look to one 40?

[00:24:06] Mm-hmm. That's the question. Mm-hmm. I was like, what is the first answer? He goes, stop talking to yourself and stop talking to your shadow of yourself and procrastinate. Like, pretty much like, you're like, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that. I'm that. Just like, stop that completely. 

[00:24:17] Mike: Mm-hmm. Yeah. 

[00:24:17] Julius: Like it's, it's yes or no.

[00:24:19] Like gray areas gotta go out the window. But like, it is, like, it had nothing to do with food. Like when, like that, like living places, like communication with yourself. 

[00:24:25] Eldar: With yourself. Yeah. 

[00:24:26] Katherine: Mm-hmm. 

[00:24:26] Julius: Like, be honest. Yeah. You know, like, I think that boom, like that hit me. I was like, dude, you cutting my hair from like, therapy?

[00:24:33] Eldar: Yes. Therapy. They 

[00:24:34] Katherine: say barbers are therapists. 

[00:24:35] Julius: Yes. Barbers and bartenders should not be allowed to be subpoenaed in court. 

[00:24:39] Eldar: Yeah. Yes. 

[00:24:42] Julius: You know, it shouldn't be, dude. 

[00:24:43] Eldar: So 

[00:24:44] Julius: it's, it's, 

[00:24:44] Eldar: so what are we talking, are we onto something ju here? I'm, 

[00:24:46] Julius: I'm, yeah. It's communication with yourself. What 

[00:24:48] Eldar: does that tell you? What does, if you have a bad communication with yourself, that means you need to be audited.

[00:24:52] Who needs to audit you? Julius? 

[00:24:53] Julius: Yes. I feel justification doing something wrong is lying to yourself. 

[00:24:56] Eldar: Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:24:56] Katherine: You're only lying 

[00:24:57] Eldar: to 

[00:24:57] Julius: you. 

[00:24:57] It's 

[00:24:58] Eldar: you, you're just beating yourself up. 

[00:24:59] Julius: Yeah. It, it's, but it's, it's easy to do. It's so simple to do that. You 

[00:25:04] Eldar: became very good at 

[00:25:04] Julius: it, Julius. It's so simple to do that.

[00:25:06] Yeah. It's like, people are like, oh, your, you know, people like, 

[00:25:08] Eldar: how about this? You like being an idiot. 

[00:25:10] Julius: No. 

[00:25:11] Eldar: You see, but that's what you're doing to yourself. You're making yourself into an idiot. 

[00:25:15] Julius: Mm-hmm. 

[00:25:15] Eldar: You're giving yourself arguments that if you brought this argument to a therapist or to me or Totally. Or somebody else externally, right.

[00:25:22] Or even Nikki. Right. Who's very close to you. Right. Who's gonna hit you over the head with a hammer. She's gonna say, what the fuck are you talking about? Why are you justifying this? Why are you doing that? Because in that moment, we don't have a horse in the race, Julius. 

[00:25:33] Julius: Yeah. That, that's, 

[00:25:34] Eldar: we don't have a horse in the race.

[00:25:36] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:25:36] Eldar: So you introduce external individuals, your friends, your family members who actually care for you. And in that moment, they'll check you. 

[00:25:44] Julius: It's almost that you hope if somebody bump, like bumps you in the right direction, you 

[00:25:47] Eldar: know something. You don't have to hope. I think that there's definitely resources out there.

[00:25:51] Yeah. Where if you really want to do it, I don't think you have to hypnotize yourself into it. I think you could, you can convince yourself properly 

[00:25:57] Mike: mm-hmm. 

[00:25:57] Eldar: Into not doing it. And then be empowered so you don't have to walk around with this thing where it's like, uh, I quit drinking, but I don't know how. So, so somebody, somebody 

[00:26:05] Katherine: stuck their, you'll know, you'll be my as.

[00:26:06] Say, you know what? Me, the person that I am, I'm like, strong enough to, I, I, I, I believe that I can, you know, this is gonna be hard, but, you know, feel, I think I can do hard, hard things or, you know, whatever. Okay. Or you believe in yourself that you can take that road, you know? 

[00:26:20] Eldar: Uh, but what's, what's scary? 

[00:26:22] Julius: But I feel like that delays or something you'd be like, look, I'll stop.

[00:26:24] So I, I'm all, I'm all right right now. Like, I have the power to stop. Yeah. When I choose to. Right. And, but that falls away from you. 

[00:26:29] Katherine: Sometimes I'll give you like, it's, it's not the same, but like, for example, I wasn't feeling really good. Mm-hmm. I had depression, anxiety. I had no idea how to feel better. I didn't know what to do.

[00:26:39] I, you know, elder has always been my voice of reason. 

[00:26:42] Toliy: He 

[00:26:43] Katherine: told me one day, he's like, you know what? I think you need to talk to a professional. You should go talk to someone outside of me. I think it'll be good for you. And I was at a place where I, I think I, I was just so lost and like, I didn't know how to continue.

[00:27:00] Like, I was like, I'm so negative. I, I, I, I just, I suck right now. 

[00:27:04] Nikki: Mm-hmm. 

[00:27:04] Katherine: And I went and it, like, once I started learning how to understand what I was going through, how negative my self-talk was, and like how bad my self-esteem was, that has like, changed my life completely. So at the time, I wouldn't have believed in myself.

[00:27:21] Like, yeah, I could, I could climb outta depression and anxiety and all these other things that I had going on in my mind. Mm-hmm. I wouldn't have believed it. But that's also 'cause like, I didn't believe in myself and I had like no self-esteem. Now I think that my self-talk is so much better. Like, I, I'm not perfect, but I can, like, I know that, you know, hard things will come along and.

[00:27:42] I'll get through it, 

[00:27:44] Julius: you know? Okay. So you somebody, okay, so somebody 

[00:27:45] Katherine: gave, somebody gave you 

[00:27:46] Julius: the tool. Somebody 

[00:27:47] Katherine: gave you the tool. Somebody helped me. 

[00:27:48] Julius: Most, most importantly, somebody checked the tools. Somebody, but somebody gave you a toolbox, what do you 

[00:27:52] Katherine: have to do? But she actually helped me realize a little bit, realize how like all the stuff that was going on in there that I, that I had no self awareness on.

[00:28:01] Yeah. Yourself. I didn't know how to check it. I didn't know how to, I, and I didn't know anything. 

[00:28:05] Eldar: Shit was just on auto pile. Jules, having auto, these negative conversations that you are having as well. Yeah. That's all that is. 

[00:28:09] Katherine: And I know you're having the same conversations. 

[00:28:11] Julius: Mm-hmm. 

[00:28:11] Eldar: And because you're too smart for your own good, 

[00:28:14] Julius: you think you don't need help.

[00:28:15] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:28:15] Julius: Yeah. 

[00:28:16] Toliy: But how do you, how do you think that you stop, like, uh, normalizing those kind of behaviors as far as that like, 

[00:28:22] Eldar: well, first of all, like, I, I don't know. The, the interesting part is why Julius is here in the first place. Like, why did he find his, you know, he doesn't come here, he doesn't listen to the podcast, but he found his way here today.

[00:28:30] You know what I mean? There's a reason. Yeah. There's a reason for that. And there's a reason why we had a different topic. Like always, right? Like, yo, we gotta pee with Julius here. We gotta, we have to give him the intention. And I think this is a very important conversation for everyone. 

[00:28:41] Katherine: Yeah. This is huge.

[00:28:42] Eldar: You know what I mean? Including Julius, you know, so like, w what happened? Why did he come here? Why did he finally say, you know what? I want to be around the guys. I wanna have this type of conversation and, and actually put my chips on the table. Why? I don't know. I can't tell you that. But something happens over time, you know, that's the first move that happens also.

[00:29:02] And then over time, I 

[00:29:03] Katherine: tell you, is to say it out loud in front of other people, because now yeah, he's sharing something that is pretty vulnerable 

[00:29:08] Eldar: and 

[00:29:08] Katherine: private. Pretty private. 

[00:29:09] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:29:09] Katherine: Only maybe Nicki would know, 

[00:29:10] Eldar: oh, we know. He's been complaining to me for a while now. It's been going on. Right. We, he came over to me, you know, years ago.

[00:29:17] I don't know how, when did you, when did you divorce? A couple years ago. Right. When you're like, yo, I'm sick and tired of my life. And we sat down, we had a conversation 

[00:29:23] Julius: like three years ago, three 

[00:29:24] Eldar: and a half, two 

[00:29:25] Julius: and a half about, yeah. 

[00:29:25] Eldar: Two and a half years. So like, this stuff has been marinating slowly, slowly, slowly.

[00:29:28] Mm-hmm. 

[00:29:28] Katherine: Where 

[00:29:29] Eldar: he's slowly trying to nudge himself into the, like, yo, I had enough of this fucking shit I wanted, I wanna do better. I want to quit this, I wanna do that. You know what I mean? So slowly over time, I think it, it, it builds up to a point where like sooner or later you have to look in the mirror and say like, yo, what are we doing here?

[00:29:42] And I think that's maybe his moment. 

[00:29:43] Katherine: Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:29:44] Toliy: Point. Yeah. I just feel like it's hard to, uh, to, to like, um, to make a move or to start something diff different because like, um, a lot of these types of things are, you know, for, for that person, they're like normal behaviors. 

[00:29:57] Eldar: Sure. 

[00:29:58] Toliy: So if they're normal behaviors and.

[00:30:01] Maybe they're not convinced that there's a better way of living or that it's possible to even live. Like 

[00:30:05] Eldar: Yeah, 

[00:30:06] Katherine: yeah. 

[00:30:06] Toliy: Better way 

[00:30:06] Eldar: for 

[00:30:06] Katherine: sure. But you don't know how. 

[00:30:07] Eldar: But that's why I think certain, 

[00:30:08] Katherine: like where's the manual? To like Yeah. 

[00:30:10] Eldar: That's why there's certain testimonies 

[00:30:11] Katherine: like Yeah. Completely uproot my life.

[00:30:12] Yeah. 

[00:30:12] Eldar: Like 

[00:30:13] Katherine: Catherine just gave testimony. I get to it. Yeah. That's why like, it seems so hard and it's so crazy. But like when you come out on the other side of you realize like, oh, I was strong enough. 

[00:30:21] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:30:22] Katherine: Oh, I could do that. I can change my life. 

[00:30:24] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:30:24] Katherine: I can make 

[00:30:24] Eldar: better 

[00:30:25] Katherine: decisions. 

[00:30:25] Eldar: And obviously Julius might not even feel that he has this new image of himself.

[00:30:29] He might not even see the new image of himself where he is sober or he is doing so. No, you can't see it can't. You're 

[00:30:35] Katherine: in the, 

[00:30:35] Eldar: you're not supposed to see that 

[00:30:36] Katherine: suffering in the moment. 

[00:30:37] Eldar: We can give a testimony. You see the outside. Yeah. You completely rule yourself out. Youre 

[00:30:42] Julius: starting a carwash, bro. 

[00:30:43] Eldar: Yeah.

[00:30:43] Julius: You're still paying. 

[00:30:44] Eldar: Yes. I'm 

[00:30:45] Julius: starting painful for 

[00:30:45] Eldar: carwash. I 

[00:30:46] Julius: dunno what it looks like on the other 

[00:30:46] Eldar: side, but as you start chipping away at some of this nonsense that you've opened up to your therapist about like, yeah, wait a second. That don't make no sense. Right. She started checking you. 

[00:30:54] Katherine: Yeah. 

[00:30:54] Eldar: And the arguments that you were bringing up were, were child is with her help, I realize, 

[00:30:58] Katherine: like, 

[00:30:58] Eldar: wrong arguments.

[00:30:58] Katherine: How am I talking about 

[00:30:59] Eldar: mm-hmm. 

[00:31:00] Katherine: I'm creating my own suffering. That's 

[00:31:02] Eldar: right. Like, 

[00:31:02] Katherine: I'm doing this to myself. That's right. That I'm doing that. Like, I mean, the list is so long. 

[00:31:05] Eldar: Yeah, exactly know, but over time I think that, you know, if you, how'd you start? Right? How'd you finally say, you know what? It's time for me to finally, uh, stop eating the way I eat.

[00:31:17] Toliy: Yeah. Just, I mean, just like a perpetual cycle of not feeling well. 

[00:31:21] Eldar: That's right. You 

[00:31:22] Toliy: know, 

[00:31:22] Eldar: that's the same shit. 

[00:31:23] Katherine: Yeah. And feeling like, feeling like crap 

[00:31:25] Eldar: when you 

[00:31:25] Katherine: mess up. 

[00:31:26] Eldar: Right. You, you say you also use food as the coping mechanism for pain. 

[00:31:30] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:31:30] Eldar: Just like he's using alcohol. Mm-hmm. For coping mechanism as pain.

[00:31:33] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:31:33] Eldar: It's the same shit. 

[00:31:34] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:31:35] Katherine: I use sugar and shopping. 

[00:31:36] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:31:37] Katherine: That's simple. Yeah. 

[00:31:38] Eldar: Deserved and also. I think there comes a time where you're finally like, yo, this is, I had enough of this show. 

[00:31:43] Toliy: Yeah. It's, it's, it's actually funny because I think the paradox, the, the paradoxical part about pain, uh, I mean, no, sorry, not pain, um, change in general mm-hmm.

[00:31:53] Is, I think everyone's perception about it is that taking like big steps or making big leaps are, is difficult. 

[00:32:02] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:32:02] Toliy: But I think it's the complete opposite. 

[00:32:04] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:32:04] Toliy: I think like the hardest thing that you can do is take a small step. 

[00:32:08] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:32:09] Toliy: Because, you know, I don't know, like 

[00:32:12] Eldar: it's the 

[00:32:12] Toliy: first 

[00:32:12] Eldar: step. 

[00:32:13] Toliy: Yeah. It's the first step.

[00:32:14] Well, no, not, not, not even that. It's the first step. I feel like for actual change to happen, you need a lot of small steps, right? 

[00:32:22] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:32:23] Toliy: So, put together, when you need a lot of small steps, you don't get that giant impact. Right. Right away. Like, I don't know, like, um, I dunno, it's a weird example, but like, Archie's ear was hurting, right?

[00:32:37] Mm-hmm. He gets a shot. It relieves a lot of pain for one shot. Right. It's not like he has to do something like every day a little bit to get like a little bit better every single time. Right? Yeah. 

[00:32:46] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:32:47] Toliy: So I feel like in change, like you need to do, um, a lot of consistent actions and you don't feel the ROI right away on that.

[00:32:58] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:32:58] Toliy: And for you to continue to do something without feeding, feeling an immediate ROI 

[00:33:02] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:33:02] Toliy: Right. Where people like will, uh, look to like Ayahuasca for example, right? Yeah. Yeah. So they're just like flip their whole world upside down Yeah. And try to make like a drastic change. Yeah. Um, but I think that like everyone's programming is that.

[00:33:16] They feel that the, the, uh, small steps are very easy. Oh, yeah. Like yeah. You go to the gym one day, 

[00:33:21] Eldar: they're 

[00:33:21] Toliy: not Yeah. Right. 

[00:33:22] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:33:22] Toliy: But I bet you can't go every day for 20 minutes, 

[00:33:25] Eldar: 10 

[00:33:26] Toliy: minutes, for example. Right? 

[00:33:27] Eldar: Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:33:27] Toliy: You can't do that 

[00:33:28] Eldar: Yeah. For 

[00:33:28] Toliy: a thousand days. But you could go for a five hour one day hike or workout.

[00:33:32] Sure. 

[00:33:32] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:33:33] Toliy: You could take a big step, right? Yeah. So, like that, that, that to me is a paradoxical thing where everyone's looking for that giant change. Yeah. No, it's the co to Yes. To like completely revamp ev everything, but do it all in one shot. 

[00:33:47] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:33:47] Toliy: You know? And, and like, you'll never be able to change doing that.

[00:33:51] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:33:51] Toliy: Um, 

[00:33:51] Eldar: explain it to jewelers. You missed it. 

[00:33:53] Julius: That's the convers of me. You kind of had about like, he's like, don't, don't drop everything cold Turkey. You're gonna hate yourself. 

[00:33:58] Toliy: No, I was just saying that like the, the, uh, the uh, um, the paradoxical part about change is that the hardest change is not making a big change.

[00:34:05] It's doing little things because little things don't give you. One day of no drinking, for example, is not gonna give you the ROI of like, I don't know, someone going to some huge ayahuasca experience them trying to like, 

[00:34:17] Julius: okay. 

[00:34:18] Toliy: Do some crazy shit that one day is like, it feels like nothing to you. It feels easy.

[00:34:22] Okay, I can go one day, but then like doing stuff every single day and improving your life little by little every single day, that is much harder than that one hypnosis session or that one magic 

[00:34:34] Julius: bullet magic thing. Magic. The magic bullet. Yeah. 

[00:34:34] Toliy: Yeah. You know? Um, yeah. And I feel like just most people are not able to do tho those like little movements 

[00:34:41] Eldar: Yeah.

[00:34:41] Toliy: That add up to a 

[00:34:42] Eldar: lot. And I think that's, that's where it can start. 

[00:34:44] Toliy: Yeah. You know, and, and it's funny, it's like, um, people also try to like, you know, form diff different habits, but like you don't form different habits by doing like one thing one time. That's like a big change. Yeah. You do it through like a lot of, of different things to reprogram your subconscious too.

[00:35:00] Think and think like to to, to like, think and act, uh, differently. 

[00:35:04] Katherine: Yeah. You know, like it's, it's like realizing that whatever you've been doing for X amount of years 

[00:35:09] Julius: mm-hmm. 

[00:35:10] Katherine: Is not working so 

[00:35:11] Eldar: well. It was working though. 

[00:35:12] Julius: Yeah. But it's not causing damage. Like it is not damaged. 

[00:35:15] Eldar: It was working 

[00:35:15] Julius: people that are, 

[00:35:16] Eldar: it's just now, it's not working anymore the way he likes it to work 

[00:35:19] Katherine: anymore, you know?

[00:35:19] Julius: Yes. That it's, 

[00:35:21] Katherine: I think he 

[00:35:21] Eldar: know, which rightfully so. It's supposed to work like that. Right. We're getting older. We should be getting wiser and we should be more sensitive to pain, which is correct. 

[00:35:28] Katherine: Yeah. 

[00:35:28] Julius: So I have a personality of the way of like, I do things in almost like oc d obsessive, like when I pick up, like the way I started playing basketball, I didn't play basketball.

[00:35:35] Like, you play basketball since you are like, what, five, six years old? 

[00:35:38] Eldar: No, 12. 

[00:35:39] Julius: Okay. So we're the same examples. That's great. But, but when you started playing at 12, what'd you do every day? You did nothing else but play boa. 

[00:35:46] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:35:47] Julius: Nothing, nothing else mattered. 

[00:35:48] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:35:48] Julius: Nothing else, bro. Like, there's no, no. Well, it was passionate.

[00:35:51] We were obsessed about it mattered. We were obsessed about because we, the satisfaction gave you, right. 

[00:35:55] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:35:55] Julius: That was my tool. Like when I came to America, I was like. I never thought about playing basketball. 'cause the mm-hmm. I was like, oh dude, you're too short. This is and down. Mm-hmm. Like, I was like, the day they were like, yo, you're like, you're good.

[00:36:05] I was like, alright, this, this is awesome. It got to the point, like I went from just being way below average to like actually competing at, at a very high level. But it was, it took 

[00:36:18] Nikki: mm-hmm. 

[00:36:19] Julius: Insane amount of hours, insane amount of things is like, that's the first thing I've ever done in my life though. I was like, okay, every, nothing else matters.

[00:36:26] Monday through Sunday, six hours a day, snow, rain, shine by myself, whoever it is, I don't care. Right. Focus. 'cause I saw the reward. 

[00:36:32] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:36:33] Julius: Right. Like Mike remembers when I bought a motorcycle, I couldn't ride, I couldn't do anything. What did I do? I went to single road. I went rode every single day. I used to go by myself at Fort Lee.

[00:36:42] That one road in You 

[00:36:43] Mike: crushed my motorcycle, man. Yeah, 

[00:36:44] Julius: you did. Oh, no, no. I'm not talking about now I'm talking about, I'm talking about the bikes when we bought, but when we, the bike, I know I'm messing with 

[00:36:49] Mike: you 

[00:36:49] Julius: and Mike used to know a ride, but I was like, know I was way below, you know, way below average roll I did was like.

[00:36:54] I used to go outta work straight to bear Harriman and ride one road up and down all day. 

[00:36:59] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:36:59] Julius: I put 9,000 miles on a bike in a single summer. Like, it makes no sense to me. Like people are like, oh, I've been riding for 10 years. Like, how many miles do you have on your bike? Like 12,000. They're like, alright, so I'm, I'm, it's time in the seat.

[00:37:10] Right. It's like the rule of like, what is it? Rule of 10%. Like if you do something 10 minutes a day for every single day, you'll be better than 90% of people in the world that do the same thing. 

[00:37:20] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:37:20] Julius: Just the repetition, this and that. But like I get to the point where for me it becomes an addiction. 

[00:37:25] Eldar: Mm-hmm.

[00:37:25] Julius: Right? Like I didn't snowboard, she was better than me on snowboarder. Like she can't catch me on a mount. And it's been a year. 

[00:37:31] Eldar: Is this true or no? 

[00:37:33] Nikki: I have videos, otherwise, 

[00:37:34] Eldar: thank you. Yeah. Thank you Nick. 

[00:37:36] Julius: No, but 

[00:37:37] Eldar: stop it. 

[00:37:38] Nikki: Okay. He's definitely gone a lot better and 

[00:37:40] Eldar: be honest. 

[00:37:40] Julius: Not in that, 

[00:37:41] Eldar: just go along with it for the sake of a stupid argument.

[00:37:43] Years. Years, okay. 

[00:37:46] Nikki: Yeah. He's 

[00:37:46] Julius: like, what? She know she learned in 20 I learned too. 

[00:37:49] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:37:50] Julius: Technically I learned in two and a half weeks when somebody talked to me, right? 

[00:37:52] Eldar: Yes. Well, sure. So 

[00:37:54] Julius: it's really, 

[00:37:54] Eldar: so tie it up in, in the bow tie for me. 

[00:37:57] Julius: Tie in the bow tie. I like what it said. Little chip away. Chip away what it is.

[00:38:01] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:38:01] Julius: You know, like, that's why I was like, I'm gonna get back into ball. I'm gonna get back into things that like I didn't drink 

[00:38:06] Eldar: mm-hmm. 

[00:38:06] Julius: As much when I did those, like 

[00:38:08] Eldar: drew this. 

[00:38:08] Julius: The reason I'm here is because I know 

[00:38:09] Eldar: this, don't, don't miss the argument. It's not filling your day with other things. That's gonna just fill your day.

[00:38:14] Okay. I think you have to have, because 

[00:38:16] Katherine: they distractions. 

[00:38:17] Eldar: Yeah. I think, 

[00:38:17] Julius: no, I'm trying to fill the day with the things that used to make me happy instead of the, the apple, the, 

[00:38:21] Eldar: yeah. Not, not gonna work. Because those, all those things led you to drinking. 

[00:38:25] Julius: No. Removing all those things led me to drink. 

[00:38:27] Eldar: No, no, no.

[00:38:28] Those things led you 

[00:38:28] to 

[00:38:28] Julius: drink. See, like that's the argument. Like I personally, my, I'm think like, okay, like I'll go back to playing ball. I'll go back to this. I set a ball. The 

[00:38:34] Eldar: way you'll engage in those things has turned out what turned out right. 

[00:38:39] Julius: You see, if I could bring those things back into my life and still continue drinking, I'm not quitting.

[00:38:44] Eldar: Well, 

[00:38:44] Julius: right. The thing is, you, things like that. Now its, you can never do that damage to my body. 

[00:38:48] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:38:49] Julius: Right. I see the damage to my body, like the, it's not damage to my body. It's like, it's just, I enjoy, like I snowboarded the entire day. Now I can sit down at a bar and have a couple of beers and I drive home and whatever.

[00:38:58] That's not what I'm talking about. Those, those nights, I don't encount that as like, to me that's not, that's just a social thing. After I'm talking about like where I'll, I'll drink at a bar with friends for, you know, a couple, a couple of drinks, I'll drive home. That's before I even met Nicky. I'll drive home and I'll, I'll pull out a bottle of whiskey.

[00:39:16] I'll have one, two, I'm not gonna push it to drink the whole bottle. 

[00:39:19] Nikki: Mm-hmm. 

[00:39:19] Julius: But just sitting there drinking by myself, it's like. I drank for taste before. Mm-hmm. Just what it is. But now I'm drinking for what it does. 

[00:39:26] Nikki: Mm-hmm. 

[00:39:27] Julius: You know, and it's like that leads to other bad decisions. 

[00:39:31] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:39:33] Julius: That's what I'm talking about.

[00:39:33] Like the, the, the drugs that, that lead the drink leads to the drugs that I use. 

[00:39:38] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Yeah. 

[00:39:39] Julius: You know, that's what I think. I gotta cut that off. I was like, if I cut out, lemme cut out that. And even got to the point, like, I'll get drug tested at work. I'm like, yeah, I'm not taking that project because I'm gonna get drug tested.

[00:39:50] Eldar: Mm. 

[00:39:50] Julius: Yeah. And I, like, I started moving different pieces. I'm started moving pieces on the board to of course align with my bullshit 

[00:39:56] Eldar: to align with Of course. 

[00:39:57] Julius: And I'm like, 

[00:39:57] Eldar: rightfully so, 

[00:39:58] Julius: you becoming better and better at it. I was like, okay, now like, pull back. It's like, 

[00:40:01] Eldar: yeah, 

[00:40:02] Julius: there's many things that come out, come out good at a drink.

[00:40:05] Right. You go to socials with like different, like business socials, this and that. Like, there's a drink, there's a cost. It takes a, it's a different person. Go sit there and sip on a single glass of whiskey for an hour and a half. Mm-hmm. And not rip one. Right. Yeah. They could just sit there and they'll leave half the glass that, that drink might have cost 'em 20 bucks, but that's not what he's there for.

[00:40:22] Nikki: Mm-hmm. 

[00:40:22] Julius: Right. He's here for the other people there. They might use the drink as that. Like, so it's like, it's like people buy a Bentley, people buy a, people buy a very, very expensive car, like, like a Bugatti, not for what the car gives him. 

[00:40:34] Nikki: Mm-hmm. 

[00:40:35] Julius: If they look at a different, it is what the club that puts him in.

[00:40:37] Nikki: Mm-hmm. 

[00:40:39] Julius: Right. And it's like, if I don't drink and I'm sitting there and all the guys around me is like, is like, what? What's up? Like you got a problem, you can't control it. So now it's like, all right, alright, well, you know, it's in a way like. Basically like, I quit drinkers. What? You have a problem? Like, did you have a problem?

[00:40:52] Eldar: Oh, what's, what's wrong with saying, yeah, I did. What's the problem? 

[00:40:54] Julius: No, but the thing, it's, whatcha 

[00:40:55] Eldar: are you gonna do, you gonna 

[00:40:55] Julius: punch me in my face? But the thing is to me is like, they right away when you tell somebody I've quit drinking, they're all, it just 

[00:41:00] Eldar: sounds like you, it just sounds like you're just punking out every time.

[00:41:02] What's the problem with saying 

[00:41:03] Julius: no, they're you? Alcohol? 

[00:41:03] Eldar: Yeah. I'm an alcoholic. My hands, if I have a drink right, I'm gonna choke you out. 

[00:41:07] Julius: No, it's not that, you 

[00:41:08] Eldar: know what I mean? Like, what's the problem saying that 

[00:41:10] Julius: it's this, it's, it's kind of like, 

[00:41:12] Eldar: well, it sounds like you, you, you're getting you, like again, you losing arguments.

[00:41:15] I'm not 

[00:41:15] Julius: drink. 

[00:41:15] Eldar: It's You want losing arguments with yourself. 

[00:41:17] Julius: Correct. 

[00:41:18] Eldar: And two, you're losing arguments with other people. 

[00:41:19] Julius: I lost an argument with you right now. 

[00:41:21] Eldar: Yeah. Yes. You know, except my argument is actually to trying to help you. 

[00:41:28] Julius: Okay. 

[00:41:29] Eldar: You know what I mean? I'm challenging you to say that you actually are experiencing a lot of pain throughout the day because of the fact that you're not perceiving the world in the right way.

[00:41:41] And that is what leads everything to be able to then justify and say, yo, we gotta a drink, bro. 'cause we fucked up. 

[00:41:46] Toliy: But how, how can you prove to 

[00:41:47] Julius: him? That's right. Yeah. But most just time do celebrate. I I 

[00:41:49] Eldar: put him into therapy. I I don't have enough time with him. 

[00:41:54] Julius: Yeah. 

[00:41:54] Eldar: If we sat down and kept have conversations, therapy, we, me and him, we're gonna have to, we have to argue every single day on every single thing he says.

[00:42:01] Toliy: Yeah, but I'm saying is that like, 

[00:42:02] Julius: and I'm not gonna, he has to 

[00:42:03] Toliy: believe he has to, he has to believe that he perceives life the 

[00:42:07] Julius: wrong way. Well, has to hang a plaque behind 

[00:42:09] Eldar: his head, says, I'm God. Well, well, yeah. Well, I'm convinced of this. Yes. He needs to discover that. 

[00:42:13] Toliy: Yes. How, how does he discover that? 

[00:42:15] Eldar: Well, one, one ways to therapy, one ways to come around here.

[00:42:19] 'cause if he starts blabbing his mouth and you're gonna be, yo juris, what are you talking about? No. How many times are you gonna have to say that to Juris? Like, yo, what are you talking about? And then he is gonna go into this weird thing right. At the end of which he's gonna get exhausted and he is gonna have pain.

[00:42:33] Which you're gonna be like, yo, what happened to you? Yeah. That's what's going on most of the time. He's just exhausting himself. That's why he is, he can't stop yawning. He's tired. 

[00:42:44] Julius: It's like an anxiety thing. 

[00:42:46] Eldar: See, 

[00:42:48] Julius: having a couple of drinks makes it go to sleep a lot easier. 

[00:42:52] Eldar: Yeah. 'cause you need to put it out.

[00:42:53] Mm-hmm. 

[00:42:53] Julius: Do 

[00:42:54] Katherine: you know, eh, I realize in my twenties I didn't, uh, like, um, I didn't handle alcohol well. Mm-hmm. But one of the reasons why I enjoyed myself doing it, uh, having drinks is 

[00:43:10] Eldar: I was a social retard. 

[00:43:11] Katherine: My, 

[00:43:11] Eldar: sorry. 

[00:43:11] Katherine: Yes, you could say, but my anxiety, like it would actually, I, it, it felt like in the moment that it would've calm my anxiety.

[00:43:19] Julius: Oh yeah. True. 

[00:43:19] Katherine: But the next day it's, it's a double and then eclipses it actually makes anxiety worse. You have more anxiety. But in the moment, especially I am like, I have social anxiety, I have anxiety. So like it just kind of. Like, as they say, takes the edge off so you can like hang out and like be social and, and I also had to like look at myself and thought, I thought like, well, I'm not an alcoholic.

[00:43:42] I don't need to drink. But it, it's, it's nice to be able to hang out with like my coworkers. It's a 

[00:43:47] Julius: good shortcut. 

[00:43:47] Katherine: Yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah. It's, it's, 

[00:43:49] Julius: it's, you 

[00:43:50] Eldar: see, that just shows you right. Like that you cannot, that's a 

[00:43:52] Katherine: coping, 

[00:43:53] Eldar: you are an adequate person who don't have the ability to properly socialize.

[00:43:57] Mm-hmm. Or be in the setting, right? Mm-hmm. But you can be, when you have that crutch, put this in there, right? Yeah. It calms everything down and then all of a sudden you're a fucking chatty catty. 

[00:44:07] Julius: Yeah. But it doesn't never been a problem for me at the beginning. Like, alcohol doesn't push me to that, so it's like so tough.

[00:44:12] No, but it's great. Dope. You said some people can't approach a woman if they can't drink 

[00:44:16] Eldar: whatever can't drink, right? Whatever's Of course, of course. What I'm saying is that, you know, uh, a person like Catherine who, who clearly had an issue, right? Social anxiety, needed something in order to calm that pain down.

[00:44:28] And she did. It worked. Right? She calmed down and she started socializing, but she did it so much so that it fucked her up. She became stupid. 

[00:44:37] Toliy: So then how, how do you think that people go about, like, proving to themselves that whatever they're taking, that they can do, that they can like accomplish naturally?

[00:44:45] Eldar: What do you mean? Oh, accomplish what? Naturally? 

[00:44:48] Toliy: Yeah. That, uh, that like, you can calm down for example, and you can 

[00:44:51] Eldar: reduce your, well, Katherine had to do to that, right? She had to go and keep falling. 

[00:44:55] Katherine: Oh, 

[00:44:55] Eldar: I kept 

[00:44:55] Katherine: on 

[00:44:55] Toliy: falling. 

[00:44:56] Eldar: She kept falling and I kept saying, Hey, like, what's up? We're gonna have an honest conversation here or not.

[00:45:01] Yeah. Because the next day when she wakes up and she's sober, she's like, what the fuck did I do? 

[00:45:04] Toliy: No, but I'm saying, is that like how, how, how do people go about, um, figuring out, figuring out a way to use their mind to solve those issues versus 

[00:45:13] Eldar: her way was through therapy, through raising awareness to herself or to say, you know what, for me, what the fuck is wrong with me?

[00:45:18] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:45:18] Eldar: I don't know how to properly socialize. And now she's learning how to properly socialize, to ask questions. Right. To pay attention. 

[00:45:24] Katherine: Right. 

[00:45:24] Eldar: And 

[00:45:25] Katherine: I'm a lot less anxious now 

[00:45:26] Eldar: than I, she's a lot less anxious. Right. She doesn't have sweat palms anymore. 

[00:45:28] Toliy: Yeah. I feel like you have to like, um, believe that that's possible.

[00:45:32] Right? So I feel like 

[00:45:34] Eldar: a lot of people Well, I think that, yeah, I think that you have to believe in everything that's possible in order to pursue it. Probably. That's probably maybe the 

[00:45:38] Toliy: first step. Yeah. Yeah. 'cause I feel like a lot of people won't go down the avenue of like self-reflection and actually like doing something because they, they, they don't feel that like this like possible to do.

[00:45:48] Eldar: Right. They can feel whatever they want because at the end of the day, they're gonna be standing and looking at themselves in the mirror and be like, what is wrong with me? I don't like this about myself. 

[00:45:56] Katherine: Yeah. 

[00:45:56] Eldar: That's basically, and then that's gonna slowly what takes 

[00:45:58] Katherine: you to therapy 

[00:45:59] Eldar: and then slowly is gonna start to reflect outwardly, right?

[00:46:02] Oh my pardon. Doesn't like this about me, right? Or am I drinking too much? Am I becoming ob belligerent? Am I becoming angry? Like, oh, other people don't like this about me? What the fuck? Ju you a fucking ramble. You know this right. We don't like this about you. 

[00:46:18] Katherine: Oh, yeah. People hate that. 

[00:46:19] Eldar: Okay, cool. He knows this.

[00:46:21] I've said this to him many, many times. 

[00:46:22] Katherine: Yeah. 

[00:46:23] Eldar: Now think every time now when Julius looks in the mirror and says, yo, enough of this fucking rambling shit to himself. That's, that's his journey begins. Do you take Julius's rambling? Seriously? 

[00:46:34] Katherine: No. 

[00:46:35] Eldar: Mike, no. Catherine? No. See? Still got the PC shit. Sorry. 

[00:46:41] Nikki: I have to different because he talks important 

[00:46:44] Eldar: things.

[00:46:45] No, right. You were with him. 

[00:46:47] Julius: They're, they're just, they're just fast discovery channel. 

[00:46:50] Eldar: Yeah. No, but, but that's like what it is. Nick, he rambles a lot. 

[00:46:54] Julius: It fills his space. He, 

[00:46:54] Eldar: yeah, he, he talk a lot. That's his dragged deal. Drinking. Yeah. Yeah. Drinking 

[00:46:59] Julius: like this just because of 

[00:47:00] Eldar: sugar himself. 

[00:47:01] Julius: Actually 

[00:47:01] Eldar: himself.

[00:47:01] It's good or Yeah, like this is not the first time, like we, giving him his feedback, he found a way to drink without drinking, but 

[00:47:06] good 

[00:47:06] Katherine: on you. For looking out for him. 

[00:47:08] Eldar: No, 

[00:47:08] Katherine: no. Having his back being, 

[00:47:11] Julius: oh, well that's my dad's thing, is like if you have to talk so much that. Make you feel like you're the smartest person in your room.

[00:47:17] He is like, you're in the wrong room, dude. 

[00:47:18] Eldar: You see his dad checked him. 

[00:47:20] Katherine: Wow. 

[00:47:22] Eldar: Yeah. I remember when you told us this. Yeah. He told us this. That's what, yeah. I think Julius is brilliant, but I just don't think that he putting it in the right direction. I 

[00:47:29] Katherine: think it, we're 

[00:47:29] Julius: not 

[00:47:29] Katherine: questioning his, 

[00:47:30] Eldar: you know what I'm saying?

[00:47:30] Julius: Well, it's, well, 

[00:47:31] Eldar: it's 

[00:47:31] Julius: game. 

[00:47:32] Eldar: It's telling what He has the same thing that Catherine has. He's insecure. He's very insecure. 

[00:47:37] Julius: Correct. Mm-hmm. Insecure as you. If 

[00:47:39] Eldar: he's insecure and he needs to fucking publicly just ramble to drown everybody else's out, everyone else out and everybody else thoughts, it's because he can't handle what is being said, or you can't have a proper conversation.

[00:47:49] Catherine had the same thing. That's why well 

[00:47:51] Julius: try to prove them smart, because people, I've assumed that people think I'm stupid. 

[00:47:54] Toliy: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Uh, prob probably about like, uh, 10 to 15, uh, years ago, elder and I were driving in the car. 

[00:48:00] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:48:00] Toliy: And then we were talking about our knowhow. It was about Seinfeld.

[00:48:04] Right. And we were, uh, um, I know how it was talking about his, uh, net. Net worth, 

[00:48:09] Eldar: yeah. 

[00:48:09] Toliy: Mm-hmm. And then elder goes, we'll call Julius right now. I guarantee you he gets the number correct. He said the exact net worth that like celebrity net worth had had it at at that time instantly. Exactly. Like not that, like he looked it up and he said it just randomly on the spot.

[00:48:22] This was just in the middle of the day and he just said it. Exactly. That exact person, that much 

[00:48:26] Julius: random stuff. I know. 

[00:48:27] Nikki: Is that how Jule came about? Yeah. Oh, you know about 

[00:48:30] Toliy: Jule. That's his surprise possession. Yeah. Think he said, but that was a troll, guys. Yeah, it was 

[00:48:34] Julius: a 

[00:48:35] Toliy: troll. 

[00:48:35] Julius: Like, it's like it's, it's true. He busted my boss for knowing too much.

[00:48:39] But the thing is like it's a waste of knowledge, if so important to you. 

[00:48:42] Eldar: If it's not serving him, if it's not serving him, if he's not happy, ultimately then we have to reevaluate it. Know like the 

[00:48:50] Toliy: smartest person would also be like the happiest person. Right. At the same time, if they're not happy, then they're not able to use Like their knowledge.

[00:48:58] Yeah, their knowledge or their smarts to like make their life better. You know? 

[00:49:02] Nikki: Sometimes being too smart is. What fucks up people? Because, 

[00:49:07] Toliy: but I feel like it's like a actual smart, right? Like actual smart is like actually knowing like what is good for you? What is bad for you, what you like, what you don't like.

[00:49:15] Setting your life, we're not talking 

[00:49:17] Eldar: about Yeah. The, the shit that people say like, you know, statistics and other nonsense. Yeah. We're talking about virtue, for example, right? How to live a good virtuous life, how to live a happy life. How do you define what's happiness, right? And if you start thinking about that kind of stuff and really have knowledge, then you have to, to be able to apply that knowledge towards yourself and actually show the product of that knowledge.

[00:49:36] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. Like any, any virtues that you like, think about or do, like, if you actually practice them, you will, you will, like, people will perceive you as being like the smartest person because you can apply these timeless things to yourself again, like respect, like, you know, compassion, all those types of good things.

[00:49:53] Honesty. Yeah. Honesty. Like that makes you a smart person. Like ver versus like knowing like fact factual information. 

[00:49:59] Eldar: Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:50:00] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:50:01] Eldar: Obviously society got that wrong too. You know, a lot of times we reward who, the people that are smartest in the room, they get the most amount of money, but their kids all fucked up.

[00:50:09] Like, what's happening here? Right. 

[00:50:11] Julius: That's true. I mean, 

[00:50:11] Eldar: right. You have, uh, soccer players making billions of dollars. The wife's cheating on them, they're breaking up. What's happening here? We, we idolize these people, right? We do all this stuff to say like, these dude, they're so smart, they can't keep their families together.

[00:50:24] How are 

[00:50:25] Julius: they smart? How this don't, having a lot of people push upon how, like, I wanna have his life, his family. Like, no, I don't, I know they have just as many problems as I do. You know, like it's, it's, it's the thing, like the materialistic thing like that, like it's, it's, it's the facade or whatever it is, and it's the insecurities of uh, you know, like being an immigrant and all that.

[00:50:46] Like the first time I've received like the, the whole thing, like. I became friends with a lot of like minorities, right? Because like where I, the first school I went to, they were like, oh, you're an immigrant. You're trash, like, you're just nothing. Right? So they can push me to do certain things that what, like learn to speak English in a certain way, this and that.

[00:51:01] Like, I mastered the idea of me being an immigrant, right? 

[00:51:04] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:51:05] Julius: Now I'm biting the bullet of like, when I walk into our job interview, I was like, oh, so you're in middle, middle aged white privilege white kid. 

[00:51:10] Eldar: You still identify as Mexican? Oh, 

[00:51:13] Julius: Mexican. Mexican. I'll do anything like that. So that's the idea, right?

[00:51:18] But things like to look at, it's like, whatcha complaining about? I was like, bro, you know, you, you have no clue like what it takes to get to where I, to where I'm at. But the things like, you get dismissed, right? Red. It was like, oh, like you had, I'm like, I didn't get the memo. What, what's white privilege, dude?

[00:51:29] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:51:30] Julius: Like, I didn't get that memo, bro. I like, I must have gotten lost in USPS, bro. Like, yeah, 

[00:51:34] Eldar: I still braid my hair at 

[00:51:35] Julius: night. You know, like, what? But the thing is like, it's like, 

[00:51:37] Eldar: yeah. 

[00:51:38] Julius: I didn't foresee that coming. 

[00:51:40] Eldar: Well, yeah. I mean, that's the thing. Like, you know, obviously, you know, I, I don't wanna believe your parents and stuff, but you were raised in a single family home at foot, right?

[00:51:48] Yes. Your mom ran away. 

[00:51:49] Julius: That's a, that's a big, that's a big 

[00:51:50] Eldar: factor. That's a big factor. Cal did too, right? Yeah. So insecurities, right. All like your shadows that, huh, 

[00:51:55] Julius: this takes to a single hood. 

[00:51:57] Eldar: Single paranoid. Single paranoid. 

[00:51:59] Julius: I 

[00:51:59] Katherine: bet you Julius 

[00:52:00] Julius: knows that single parent. This is a single parenthood. Yeah. This is a single parenthood.

[00:52:04] I have a 

[00:52:04] Katherine: product 

[00:52:04] Julius: of this to live with, a single, to be raised by a single mother. 

[00:52:07] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:52:08] Julius: You have a 20% chance of being outta poverty. To be raised by a single father is 35%. 

[00:52:13] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Sure. 

[00:52:13] Julius: Oddly, right. To be male figures that because male figures in your home are more, they're, they're, no, it's to, to make it out, to be, to become, to be successful, like a successful part of society and not be on welfare and this and that.

[00:52:28] Right. So like, instead like poverty is. 

[00:52:30] Eldar: Closer linked to insecurities, obviously 

[00:52:32] Julius: of, so I was like, oh, so how come it's, it's what it is. It's the ma. It's, it's kind of odd, like I've kind of looked at it, I was like, I was like, I don't really believe, but if you put it a two and two, you are more afraid of a male figure in your home than you are of a female, right?

[00:52:45] Mm-hmm. As you get age closer in age, 

[00:52:47] okay. 

[00:52:47] Julius: Because of the way society looks at it, like who's the it? And it's odd. Like I know if I would've been raised by my father, all bets are odd. Dude. I'm in the military at 18 years old, party's over. 

[00:52:56] Nikki: Mm-hmm. 

[00:52:57] Julius: Right? Because that's just the way, it's just cold. It's just cold.

[00:52:59] Bloodedness, right? Mm-hmm. It's just that. The structure's very different. Like a single mother, she's have to work twice as marsh. She ain't gonna see her. 

[00:53:05] Katherine: Yeah. And like historically, men made more money than women, 

[00:53:09] Julius: correct? Yes. 

[00:53:09] Katherine: Maybe today. Today is, it's a little different from growing up. Well, yeah, it's 

[00:53:13] Eldar: what I'm saying is that the chip, 

[00:53:14] Julius: chip, the jobs are available for women, lot less.

[00:53:16] The money's less is, it's not saying that we're doing the same job of getting paid different money, but the jobs they're available for women are different. 

[00:53:22] Katherine: Well, especially for immigrant, 

[00:53:23] Julius: hundred percent immigrant females, immigrant immigration today is like, I mean, I'm jealous. Like me and my mother argue, like, I was like, I should have just claimed, you know, claimed asylum and just be chilling, bro.

[00:53:31] Like, be like it's different ways. Mm-hmm. But she took the right way and she was like, I'm gonna do it. Right. Like, I was like, I, she was proud of what she achieved instead of taking a, you know, like, I was like, no, but like, now you feel stupid about it, right? She's like, no. She's like, I don't, she's like, I, I, I knew it was the right way to do it.

[00:53:45] Mm-hmm. Like, because I didn't need the, the extra help from the government and this and that, like, or whatever. So it's like the pride bit her in, in the ass. 

[00:53:52] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:53:53] Julius: In a 

[00:53:53] Eldar: way, you know why therapy would be very good. You know why therapy would be really good for you. 

[00:53:58] Julius: Why? '

[00:53:58] Eldar: cause the therapist is gonna say, Hey, I can't keep up with you, bro.

[00:54:02] Can we do one argument at a time? 

[00:54:03] Julius: That's a good, yeah. There you go. My mind goes in million miles an hour. 

[00:54:06] Eldar: That's what I'm saying. Yeah. It's best. And that's, that's the pain, Jules. Well, I can't keep up. I like, I heard one thing that was wrong and I was gonna challenge you, but I couldn't because we are already onto something else.

[00:54:17] Mm. You're very good at that. 

[00:54:19] Julius: Yeah. 

[00:54:19] Eldar: And that's, that's not a, that's not a compliment. 

[00:54:22] Julius: No, it's not. It's just a, 

[00:54:22] Eldar: it's very bad. 

[00:54:23] Julius: It's, 

[00:54:24] Toliy: yeah. 'cause also, like, 

[00:54:25] Eldar: you understand this, 

[00:54:26] Julius: or No, I'm distracted from 

[00:54:27] Toliy: al saying, sitting in, 

[00:54:29] Julius: I know the rebuttals coming, not distracted. The next one. That's what it, I 

[00:54:31] Toliy: know that sitting in your pain is, I think is also what helps you get out of it.

[00:54:35] Like, like find, find ways to, uh, yeah. Yeah. 

[00:54:37] Eldar: Yeah. But 

[00:54:38] Toliy: also, but if he can't sit in it and he just goes to the next thing, then yeah. It's never gonna be bad enough. Mm-hmm. You know? 

[00:54:43] Katherine: Yeah. We fi we become like really good at distracting ourselves from that pain of, that's 

[00:54:48] Toliy: why I think like for him, the best thing he could do is do nothing.

[00:54:51] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:54:52] Toliy: Yeah, sure. 'cause like, yeah, being, being busy for you is gonna like, um, prolong, perpetuate 

[00:54:58] Katherine: this. Like, its just like 

[00:54:58] Toliy: prolong everything. But if you have nothing to do and you just have like, almost like no responsibilities, then like, yeah. The only thing that you can do is think about yourself. And 

[00:55:08] Julius: that's exactly what I'm doing 

[00:55:08] Toliy: now.

[00:55:09] Yeah. I've got three 

[00:55:09] Julius: months off. Three 

[00:55:10] Katherine: months 

[00:55:10] Toliy: off. Yeah. But if you're working, you know, like 70 hours a week, then like a week, 

[00:55:15] Katherine: you have no time 

[00:55:15] Toliy: work, you know, one, two hours to yourself. Bed work, you know this, that, 

[00:55:20] Julius: yeah. You work 70 hours a week. You don't fix yourself in 70 hour, 71, you're drinking at a bar.

[00:55:24] Toliy: Yeah. That's it. 

[00:55:25] Julius: You know, it's like, it's the whole, it's overtime. 

[00:55:28] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:55:29] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:55:31] Julius: It's what it is. It's, it's, yeah, it's, it, you know what, I, you're not tired, Jules. We just try to pick. I've been tired for 10 years. 

[00:55:39] Eldar: It's tiring. Jules enough. 

[00:55:43] Julius: It's, 

[00:55:43] Eldar: huh. And, and the thing is like, is the other side scary? 

[00:55:48] Julius: I've seen the other side and others.

[00:55:50] I don't wanna get that. 

[00:55:51] Eldar: No, no, no, no, no. Which other side are you talking about? Forget about dying from this shit. 

[00:55:55] Julius: No, 

[00:55:55] Eldar: that's easy. I'm, 

[00:55:56] Julius: I'm talking about like, 

[00:55:57] Eldar: that's easy. I'm talking about the other side of where like there is a Julius that is calm, that is self-confident, that is happy with his body and his endurance and basketball.

[00:56:09] Right? The one that's productive member of society, that is in a good relationship. Right. The one that's happy with his money, the one that's building his home, the one that's productive. That's scary. What's scary about that? 

[00:56:22] Julius: No, that's, it's, it's, it's, it ist it's just, it, it 

[00:56:26] Eldar: what, 

[00:56:27] Julius: that isn't scary because you, I know what it takes to get there, this, this and that.

[00:56:31] And then that's why I'm looking at like, okay. I'm not 

[00:56:33] Mike: sure you do yet. The two can't coexist though. That's the problem. 

[00:56:36] Julius: It, it's, it's develop, I mean it's, it's kind of like. My friend Robbie, who's who dropped, he had a drink, like he had a serious drinking problem, right? Mm-hmm. Binge drinking. This is way, like, my problem is that I have it under control.

[00:56:54] I don't wanna see it outta control. Mm-hmm. You know, so I was like, let, let me get ahead like so. Mm-hmm. 

[00:56:59] Eldar: Like 

[00:57:00] Julius: you said, you're trying to fix the wrong problem. He probably doesn't drink it. Your problem is, you know, the underly, the underlying trait having to 

[00:57:07] Katherine: escape, 

[00:57:07] Julius: you know? Exactly. Like you gotta the, 

[00:57:08] Eldar: the pain before 

[00:57:09] Julius: all that.

[00:57:09] Yeah. The pain, the pain before the frustration, whatever it is. Yeah. It's all, everything bundles up and like 

[00:57:14] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:57:15] Julius: And you know, like, yeah, I don't have to drink Monday through Friday, but like on Friday night, dude, I bats are off, dude. 

[00:57:19] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:57:20] Julius: You know, tigers outta the cages bro. 

[00:57:22] Eldar: For sure. Yeah. 

[00:57:24] Julius: You know, and then it's, it's, it's, it hasn't gotten to the point where I'm hurting others in a way, or like something like, you know, people get D washed or this, this and that.

[00:57:34] Like, that's not there. But also 

[00:57:35] Eldar: you think 

[00:57:36] Julius: also you think, I feel like I have it under control. Like, 

[00:57:38] Eldar: isn't your mom already making comments about it? 

[00:57:40] Julius: She's always made comments about it. It's like she like, oh, it's hurting her. She's have a drinking problem. Like, oh, 

[00:57:44] Eldar: it's hurting 

[00:57:44] Julius: her. You know? It's, she had a drinking problem in a way, and she, she actually, she said is like, well, I don't think you do, but like, it is, like, it's not necessary.

[00:57:53] You have a drink every night or something like that. Like when I'm just chilling, bored or whatever. Why is she saying 

[00:57:56] Eldar: that? Right? 

[00:57:57] Julius: And 'cause 

[00:57:59] Eldar: she's your 

[00:57:59] Julius: mom. She says it because she sees my father drinks every single night. She's like, oh, you know, it's like, 

[00:58:03] Eldar: yeah, she doesn't want to 

[00:58:04] Julius: see you in pain. Like, you wanna to get to that point.

[00:58:05] Like, 'cause I, I bus my father's ball like in about, I was like, dude, it's like, you know, like your health is not great, but you still drinking. Your doctor told you quit smoking. Well, you 

[00:58:12] Eldar: advise your dad of to not to drink. 

[00:58:13] Julius: That's what's great. I, I've Why? I, I've told him he quits. I'll quit. 

[00:58:18] Toliy: Yeah. I feel like the, the, 

[00:58:20] Eldar: the fuck.

[00:58:20] First you wait a second. First you said, yo, my dad has it under control and he's good. He's kind of like living his own life. Well, what's the problem? Yeah. 

[00:58:26] Julius: The problem is 

[00:58:27] Eldar: like, let him live or die with alcohol if he wants to. What's the problem? 

[00:58:29] Julius: The alcohol's gonna kill him. 

[00:58:30] Eldar: So what's the problem? That's his choice.

[00:58:32] That's not like, if you said a l though, shut, shut. Fuck. Didn't wanna, 

[00:58:35] Julius: but that's a selfish 

[00:58:36] Eldar: choice. He said, that's his life. I say so Well, how so? 

[00:58:38] Julius: Because he wants to be in my life, but he is drinking himself to death. 

[00:58:41] Eldar: Well, yeah. If he says that I want, yeah. If he says one thing and does another Sure, sure. But if he says like, look, I'm, you know, like, this is my choice and this is my life to live.

[00:58:48] But, you know, like that he's an autonomous, like mature old, old enough adult to be able to say, you know what, like if I die, I die. You know, like, 

[00:58:56] Julius: yeah. But that's the thing. Like he's, he's, you know, he's teaching me like, oh, stop smoking weed. This, this, and that. I was like, I was like, I have my vice. You know, I have my vice.

[00:59:03] Mm-hmm. But it's like he's, he's sitting and he is always been like, he's always been like that. And the things that's sort way he is like I'm similar to him, is like, he's had a successful career. He's retired. Mm-hmm. This, this and that. But like, I don't. He becomes an angry drunk. He's very vulgar. This and that.

[00:59:19] Like my mom's, like, I'm d I'm opposite of him. She's like, you're more than to me. Like, I was like, no, it's, it's, it's a little d it's different where I see, I don't, I see him from my perspective at his age, where it is. And his health. His health, like the cancer, this and that. And his doctor straight up told me like, you don't quit.

[00:59:37] Party's over. 

[00:59:38] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:59:39] Julius: And he's, he's sitting like, oh, well, I went from five shots to two a day. I was like, all right, it's an improvement, but like you, it's, he's doing what I'm doing. He's removing part of it, saying, okay, like, this was bad. So let me pull back. 

[00:59:54] Eldar: But why do you feel the need 

[00:59:55] Julius: to 

[00:59:56] Eldar: police him?

[00:59:58] Julius: Because he's also getting into like, he's into a, uh, 

[01:00:02] Eldar: like did he ask you, oh, hey Jewish, can you look out for me? 

[01:00:05] Julius: So. 

[01:00:06] Eldar: Your mom asked him to look out 

[01:00:07] Julius: for him. His sister. His sister, my mom, everybody around him. 'cause he doesn't listen to anybody else. And he, they think that he the only person he cares for. If I straight up to, like, if I tell him Call Turkey this and that, like I could give him ultimatum and he's, I'm the only person you actually will listen.

[01:00:20] Eldar: Alright, so let's call him. 

[01:00:21] Julius: Yeah know. 

[01:00:22] Eldar: Take your phone out. Let's call him. Ask 

[01:00:24] Julius: him for 

[01:00:24] Eldar: the ultimatum. 

[01:00:26] Julius: A little too late for that. 

[01:00:27] Eldar: All right. 

[01:00:28] Julius: Seven. You know, but it's, it's there and it's like, he kind of like, oh shit, I'll do that. He is like, you quit. Wait, I'll quit drinking. 

[01:00:33] Toliy: He quits. You quit. That's we're done.

[01:00:35] Problem solved. Problem solved. No. Yeah. I feel like, like how I hear Julius talk about all these things. I feel like, um, the biggest blocker here to me is the comparing. 

[01:00:49] Eldar: Comparing. 

[01:00:50] Toliy: Yeah. Because 

[01:00:51] Eldar: they're not as bad. 

[01:00:52] Toliy: Like the, the, uh, comparing for him will always bring a sense of comfort to what he's doing and will prevent him from making any kind of change, 

[01:01:00] Eldar: which is incorrect.

[01:01:00] Yeah. But yeah, 

[01:01:01] Toliy: because like, he, he, he, he's constantly comparing to like other people, like, that's not as bad, but mine's under control. Theirs is worse. Or like, mine's okay. Or like, I'm not as bad as them. I'm only doing three shots. 

[01:01:13] Eldar: He's doing 

[01:01:13] Toliy: five. Yes. 

[01:01:14] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:01:14] Toliy: Yes. Right. So like, if, if like, the comparing brings like, like a sense of comfort mm-hmm.

[01:01:20] That things are not that bad and because things, 

[01:01:23] Eldar: things, no, no. How about that? Just the things are not that bad. 

[01:01:25] Julius: They're not, 

[01:01:26] Eldar: you know what I mean? 

[01:01:27] Julius: No, they're 

[01:01:27] Eldar: not. 

[01:01:28] Julius: I mean, 

[01:01:28] Eldar: but the, the, the thing is like, nobody gives a fuck, really. You know what I'm saying? The only person who gives a fuck is the person on the second day.

[01:01:35] You, you know what I'm saying? You can fool all of us. Really? Well, 

[01:01:40] Julius: I've been doing it for 10 years. 

[01:01:41] Eldar: Yeah, you've been doing so well. You know what I mean? I mean, I mean, we're not fooled. 

[01:01:45] Julius: I'm not fooling, but it's not 

[01:01:46] Eldar: like you, you know what I'm saying? I'm okay. Have to 

[01:01:48] Julius: check me at rehab. 

[01:01:48] Eldar: I, I like your magic tricks, 

[01:01:49] Julius: you know?

[01:01:50] Eldar: Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You like 

[01:01:51] Julius: your magic trick. 

[01:01:51] Eldar: I like them. I don't care. You know what I'm saying? 'cause I respect the fact, fact that you also an adult, you know what I mean? You're making your own choices. And if you're hurting yourself, you're hurting yourself. It's your life to live, not mine.

[01:02:01] You know? Which I think that you also should extend to your dad. You know what I mean? Uh, if you can one day, but yeah, it's, but ultimately it's your choice. You want it or not. If you don't want it, then you don't want it. But you are complaining, 

[01:02:12] Julius: so don't complain. Feel like I'm getting like, it's like, okay.

[01:02:14] It, it's, 

[01:02:15] Toliy: yeah. I feel like how, how can you ever change if there's a comparison mindset behind it, 

[01:02:20] Eldar: but that it's 

[01:02:20] either '

[01:02:21] Toliy: cause there's always gonna be 

[01:02:22] Eldar: sure 

[01:02:22] Toliy: someone that you know, that had it worse or someone that you've seen that had it worse. Therefore, yours is okay. 

[01:02:29] Eldar: He just haven't had a, a good enough, he haven't heard a good enough argument yet.

[01:02:33] Against it? 

[01:02:34] Toliy: Well, well, well, no, I just feel that like the strategy to begin with, to, to compare for comfort 

[01:02:40] Eldar: mm-hmm. 

[01:02:41] Toliy: Is the problem to, to me. 

[01:02:43] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:02:43] Toliy: Because like the, the comparisons will always bring you comfort no matter what up until you die, for example. 

[01:02:49] Eldar: I'm not sure. And then there's no comparison. I'm not sure if they work, dude, up until they don't.

[01:02:54] Yeah, they don't, they really don't work. 

[01:02:56] Toliy: You can constantly compare it to like worse and worse and worse. No. 

[01:02:59] Nikki: You get to compare it to something better. So like at least I agree. I know that like, yeah. High school or so why are we lowering the bar successful than me? Yeah, 

[01:03:07] Katherine: absolutely. 

[01:03:08] Nikki: Not that I was smarter anything, it's just 

[01:03:10] Toliy: Yeah.

[01:03:10] But comparing to 

[01:03:11] Nikki: kids. 

[01:03:12] Toliy: Yeah. But comparing to like someone below you, for 

[01:03:14] Nikki: example, in a way it's a good motivation depending on how you. 

[01:03:18] Toliy: No, but I feel like in, in the way that he's comparing, he's comparing to constantly pe people who have it worse than him. Right. Therefore it brings them more comfort because it helps him justify and what he's doing.

[01:03:27] It's like saying, Hey, like, like, I didn't work out today, but, um, you know, there's people that like, haven't gotten, gotten gone out of bed in two weeks. Hmm. O okay, all right then like if you haven been get out getting outta bed in two, two weeks, if that's you now, well, there ha, there, there are some people that are, you know, for example, so fat that can't get outta bed.

[01:03:45] Okay? Right? So you can always keep stooping like lower and lo and and lower to make like what you're, what you're doing more and more. Okay? 

[01:03:53] Eldar: But it doesn't negate the fact that the second day is always gonna come. It's gonna come and then you're gonna say like, what the fuck did we do? That's when you have the conversation again.

[01:04:01] Yeah. 

[01:04:02] Toliy: But you can normalize that. No, no. You can normalize that second day. 

[01:04:05] Eldar: You can't. No, you can't. Can't. The thing is this any, anything, 

[01:04:09] Mike: any problem that you like, 

[01:04:11] Eldar: sweep under the 

[01:04:11] Mike: rug, it's not gonna get smaller. It's not gonna stay the same. If you keep doing the same behavior, it's gonna get bigger. So he can maybe normalize second day, then he is gonna have to learn how to do a third day.

[01:04:20] But he's here now. Right. So that's something that he might have not done years ago. 

[01:04:24] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:04:24] Mike: Right. Yeah. So that means the person, the the person, the reason I think anybody feels like y'all have a problem with this is because he's undecided. He's undecided. Is it good or bad for me? 

[01:04:33] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:04:34] Mike: He's, and this is correct forever the debate on anything.

[01:04:36] Yes. 

[01:04:37] Mike: For any person. 

[01:04:37] Eldar: He's undecided a hundred percent. 

[01:04:39] Mike: Which him being undecided shows that he has enough sense that he could one day become ec decided 

[01:04:45] Eldar: Yes. 

[01:04:46] Toliy: It's 

[01:04:46] Mike: doesn't have argument's. Blind. Yes. And he's just drinking and he is like, okay. 

[01:04:52] Toliy: But, but the, uh, but the comparing, I feel like, confirms the term.

[01:04:55] That's a 

[01:04:56] Eldar: very early argument, dude. Sure. That's thing. It's, it's an argument that works on him. That's the thing. Like sooner or later, this argument's only gonna work for him. But he's in a relationship. 

[01:05:05] Toliy: Yeah. 

[01:05:06] Eldar: He has a mom, he has a dad. He's in a relationship. Those arguments soon gonna stop working on them.

[01:05:13] Yeah. But if he's the one that mo and then, and then it's gonna be more pain like, oh shit, she left me. 

[01:05:18] Mike: Yeah. The life is gonna give 

[01:05:19] Eldar: you an ultimatum. 

[01:05:20] Mike: The life is gonna give you lemons. 

[01:05:21] Eldar: Oh, my friends, my friends don't, 

[01:05:22] Julius: don't fucking 

[01:05:23] Eldar: me. 

[01:05:23] Julius: No. Most of the time my lemons don't come. That's what it, 

[01:05:24] Mike: no, lemons come all the time, bro.

[01:05:26] What do you mean, bro? They come all the time. You just don't see them. They, you just, it takes you 

[01:05:31] Julius: while to wake up to see them. Well, he's talking about comparison, right. So I compare some to people that was worse. Right. So like, if I see, like, the reason I'm asking you is like, because I know you've never, you never hit the rock bottom, but you quit, right?

[01:05:41] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:05:42] Julius: But you moved the line in the same way. Your rock bottom is to quit. Right. You move it the other direction. 

[01:05:48] Eldar: I don't think I ever quit, and nor nor am I planning to quit. 

[01:05:50] Julius: Jules, you did for, 

[01:05:50] Eldar: nor did I ever start. 

[01:05:51] Julius: You did, you did quit for a while. I was like, 

[01:05:53] Eldar: yeah. What was, 

[01:05:54] Julius: it's like, 

[01:05:55] Eldar: I like to drink 

[01:05:56] Julius: Julius.

[01:05:56] Eldar: I 

[01:05:56] Julius: like to drink. I like to 

[01:05:58] Eldar: find the middle way to continue drinking. 

[01:05:59] Julius: Yeah. I mean that's, it's, I, yeah. I get, I get that point. Yeah. So it's like the comparison story, like I'm career like, oh, I'm not that bad. It's like, if I get that bad, I'll quit. That's the que 

[01:06:09] Eldar: Yeah. The thing is, 

[01:06:10] Julius: there's, nothing's saying is I draw line if I was that bad, that hasn't moved, like the day I started George, 

[01:06:15] Eldar: you're saying good stuff.

[01:06:16] Put it up, put it on the mic. 

[01:06:17] Julius: If, if I lose my job, I'll quit. 

[01:06:20] Toliy: Yeah. For example, I 

[01:06:22] Julius: don't wanna get 

[01:06:22] Toliy: there. Like with the comparison mindset, I, you need like a giant boulder to fall on you to do something. Yeah. You need like, 

[01:06:27] Eldar: something so 

[01:06:28] Julius: monumental. I have to move the line in the sand, the other direction, not moving.

[01:06:30] Like, I was like, I'm there. Like if I, what's the point? If, if I get to five days a week drinking it, I'll quit. Right. 

[01:06:36] Mike: Yeah. But, but 

[01:06:37] Julius: that's, but then I look at a person that's like, okay, they don't have a problem. They live a good life. I'm, I'm kind of drinking the same amount as him. It's like, so what's the, like the, the 

[01:06:43] Mike: problem is, yeah, but let, let, it keeps the problem 

[01:06:44] Eldar: working.

[01:06:45] I mean, the 

[01:06:45] Mike: problem, the problem is not that drinking is the problem is that you're not actually seeing what's happening. You, I, I like drinking. Like, you know, it's not a problem. Smoking is not a problem. There's no problem there. It's the problem is the things that cause you to do that. By quitting drinking.

[01:07:01] It's not gonna change anything. 

[01:07:02] Julius: It's not gonna change. I'm 

[01:07:03] Eldar: gonna, 

[01:07:03] Mike: you probably go back because you're be like, wait, I 

[01:07:06] Eldar: quit. Like 

[01:07:06] Mike: I quit five years. 

[01:07:07] Eldar: The problem is how you live in life. 

[01:07:09] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:07:09] Julius: Before I was drinking, before I was drinking more like I should, I just rode a motorcycle every day instead of that.

[01:07:13] Just get out of it. 'cause like you can't think about nonsense bull. You gotta focus on that just took me away from it. I would disappear for three hours. Basketball was my therapy. 

[01:07:20] Mike: But the thing is thats not there though. The thing is all those things, they all came back and for a very specific reason because you can only sweep it under the bed for so long.

[01:07:30] Julius: Yeah. 

[01:07:31] Mike: Eventually you gotta look under that bed because you can't keep running or hiding from these problems. They're gonna show their face, but the face is not the alcohol. Yeah. It's 

[01:07:39] Eldar: just the alcohol 

[01:07:41] Mike: is 

[01:07:41] Eldar: just 

[01:07:41] Mike: the, your 

[01:07:42] Eldar: job, your job should be able to become so smart. Actually smart and good. So you can drink nonstop and never get a hangover.

[01:07:50] Julius: But 

[01:07:51] Eldar: like that's enlightenment. You hear this or no, that's the thing. But you're not smart bro. You are mad dumb. 

[01:08:00] Julius: On that part. Yeah, definitely. 

[01:08:01] Eldar: You know what I'm saying? You keep getting hurt. The second day should not exist for you. If you are smart, 

[01:08:07] Julius: it's gi it's a feeling of guilt because you want to quit and you pick it back up.

[01:08:11] It's like, uh, eh, it was that bad. But like, it's, it's a vicious circle, man. It's, it's, it's, but but 

[01:08:18] Eldar: who you are in it. Yeah. Thing you're doing it, it's a circle. 

[01:08:22] Katherine: You're a creator and you, you have, you have the, you did it, the, the, the ability to stop it. You reap benefits, but you also the creator, you know? 

[01:08:28] Mike: Yeah.

[01:08:29] The thing is, I think it's always gonna be a vicious circle if. Um, you trying to put out the fire, but, and, and with like one hand you got the fire extinguisher and the other hand you got the flame thrower. Like, yo, what the fuck? Why is it not working? Yeah, but you just keep starting more fire. Yeah, no, you gotta finally actually line up, line up the thing of like, yo, the drinking is easy money.

[01:08:50] That's nothing. The reason that I'm drinking is the actual, 

[01:08:53] Julius: that's just the band. Drinking is just a bandaid. 

[01:08:55] Mike: Oh, it's just a result. Drinking is a result of like, cause and effect. Life is like a cause and effect thing. There's a cause and the result, or the effect is the drinking, but the cause is the, is the problem 

[01:09:09] Eldar: that's 

[01:09:09] Julius: causing you to behave 

[01:09:10] Mike: that way.

[01:09:11] And I think that's across the 

[01:09:12] Eldar: board. The question is, what will it take for you to realize that you are actually an idiot and how long do you want to continue to be an idiot? 

[01:09:18] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:09:18] Eldar: That's it. 

[01:09:19] Julius: That's a difficult one. 

[01:09:20] Eldar: That's it. 

[01:09:20] Katherine: Yeah. 

[01:09:21] Eldar: You understand, 

[01:09:22] Katherine: you know why you gotta keep the ego away and 

[01:09:24] Eldar: yeah. You 

[01:09:25] Katherine: actually see things, what they are, and then you have to say, okay, like, I'm an idiot.

[01:09:29] I'm acting like an idiot. 

[01:09:31] Eldar: Yeah. And how long do you want to keep being this idiot? And obviously a normal person who's not an idiot, doesn't want to be an idiot. Like, yo, I don't wanna be a fucking idiot. 

[01:09:37] Katherine: But you gotta be humble enough to like admit it. Mm-hmm. 

[01:09:40] Julius: Look, we got comfortable for a while. It becomes comfortable and it's, it's 

[01:09:43] Eldar: like, well sure, but it's not comfortable anymore.

[01:09:45] Yeah. 

[01:09:45] Julius: Now it's not comfortable. You 

[01:09:46] Eldar: know what I'm saying? Now 

[01:09:46] Julius: it's 

[01:09:46] Eldar: not, you're not raising your hand like, yo, I'm tired of this. 

[01:09:49] Julius: Yeah. 

[01:09:50] Eldar: You know, you did it for a while and Jules, good job. What Now? 

[01:09:54] Julius: I guess more in mom's house. You must have done it. 

[01:09:56] Eldar: You know what? Now you know. 

[01:09:59] Julius: Yeah. 

[01:10:00] Eldar: You are. Like you asking yourself.

[01:10:02] That's a good question. Keep asking it. Like what now? Like, Jules, we've done this already so many times. Enough is enough, right? Like what now? Is there another path or no? 

[01:10:11] Julius: Yeah. I'm gonna have to look into that. Talk to that professional. 

[01:10:13] Eldar: I think so. I think so. I think And as you, as soon as you come in and open your mouth, Julius, like I said, a good professional, like, yo, slow the fuck down.

[01:10:21] Julius: Bump breaks kid. 

[01:10:22] Eldar: One at a time, please. 

[01:10:23] Katherine: Yeah, 

[01:10:24] Eldar: you are rambling. Let's talk, let's have a conversation. Yeah. 

[01:10:27] Julius: There's a lots, 

[01:10:28] Katherine: Julius will give 

[01:10:30] Eldar: give to 

[01:10:31] Katherine: run for their 

[01:10:31] Eldar: money. He's gonna give him a headache. Are you kidding me? That motherfucker is gonna become an alcoholic. You know what I mean? 

[01:10:36] Julius: I mean, catch him at the bar down the block.

[01:10:37] I 

[01:10:38] Eldar: figured, fuck this shit. Yo, fuck this therapy shit. Let's go get drunk. You know? A 

[01:10:42] Julius: drink, dude. Let's figure 

[01:10:43] Eldar: this out. Yes, of course, 

[01:10:45] Nikki: of course. Sorry. Totally said something. Totally said something interesting before about it's not necessarily the best idea to stay busy. I mean, you hear that a lot. Like, stay busy, go exercise.

[01:10:55] Eldar: Yeah. Complete 

[01:10:55] Toliy: bullshit. 

[01:10:55] Nikki: See your friends, go. Um, but you said that that's not necessarily a good thing. No. You're distracting yourself from what, the actual problems. 

[01:11:04] Toliy: Yeah. 

[01:11:04] Nikki: And then you're running from 

[01:11:06] Toliy: Correct. 

[01:11:07] Katherine: You're running away from yourself. 

[01:11:08] Nikki: Kind of. I mean, actually when I, when I run, I don't think any, probably people exercise and stuff.

[01:11:14] So anyway, I'm sure it's good. Definitely. 

[01:11:18] Julius: I'm very obsessed with things like I, I create distractions. 

[01:11:20] Nikki: Yeah, totally. 

[01:11:21] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. No, I think that like, it's like, it definitely feel because, because like I feel like the being busy, it feels like a solution to the problem. Yeah. Like when, when you do it, but you're not fundamentally different.

[01:11:32] Only if I work more and then I exercise, well now I'm super tired. Now I'm not gonna be doing this or I'm gonna be going to bed on time or waking up early. Yeah. But you're 

[01:11:39] Eldar: forced 

[01:11:39] Toliy: you now by your body. Yes. Yes. You're, you're doing things to like avoid thinking. 

[01:11:44] Mike: Yeah. Julius just gave Yeah. Backfire. Just gave the perfect example.

[01:11:46] He said, yo, 10 years ago I was riding bikes all the time. Yeah. And I stopped drinking for riding. But we're 10 years later, we still packed the drinking. 

[01:11:54] Julius: Yeah. 

[01:11:54] Mike: Yeah. The problem never went away. Yeah. He just like, uh, he just explained, he just gave his 

[01:11:58] Julius: own Yeah. He's a different vice 

[01:12:00] Mike: distraction. Ju is so Julius.

[01:12:01] Yeah. Ultimately 

[01:12:02] Eldar: Julius needs to commit suicide. Yeah. Mental suicide. Right. To rewire his shit of like, yo, what are we doing? Or he would do a physical one one day. Yeah. 'cause you're gonna get fed up. It's one of the, it's, this is the path. You know it. 

[01:12:13] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:12:14] Eldar: You know what? I'm like, yo, I can't take this anymore.

[01:12:15] I'm outta here. Well, it's the same thing. The, the question is. You can do it mentally right here, right now by rewiring the way you think, the way you perceive the world, and then the world will change around you and you will change. And you're like, yo, do we want to continue to hurt ourselves? No, we won't.

[01:12:28] It'll be, it'll be natural, you know? 

[01:12:33] Katherine: Yeah. 

[01:12:34] Eldar: That's it. I think that if you start seeing it for what it is, that's a more honest conversation. But yo, today, Nikki, I am drinking, getting drunk because my whole week was fucked up. Don't tell me about my drinking, Nikki. Yeah. Tell me about how my week was fucked up and what the fuck was wrong with me doing all those things during the week that I did.

[01:12:51] Mike: I think if that is 

[01:12:52] Eldar: the problem, 

[01:12:52] Mike: I think if you frame it and call it for what it is, instead of saying like, oh, I had a rough week. 

[01:12:56] Eldar: Yeah, 

[01:12:57] Mike: I'm gonna go drink and say, you know what? Give yourself the truth or make you yourself, which is, uh, you know. That's what guys are challenging. You gotta say, yo, I'm drinking because of actually the reasons Yes, 

[01:13:08] Katherine: it's gonna help 

[01:13:09] Mike: your 

[01:13:09] Nikki: life.

[01:13:09] And I think I drink with a partner, so if I drink water and, and I say drink water, of 

[01:13:14] Mike: course it helps for sure. Absolutely. Yeah. 

[01:13:16] Nikki: Yeah. At a certain point I make the decision to keep drinking the water because I'm seeing everyone around. We get drunk and stuff either way. 

[01:13:23] Mike: Yeah, no, I think if you, if you say, if you say to yourself, why are you actually drinking and don't hide it, it's gonna be a lot harder to drink.

[01:13:31] Eldar: Yeah. It becomes like harder to drink because now you're like, oh, okay. 

[01:13:34] Mike: Because the thing is, the drinking is, is a tool for you to continue the magic trick against yourself. You are the guy who's doing the trick and you're the guy who's getting amused by the trick in this kind of situation. So, uh, by calling things for what they are, you are like, yo, wait.

[01:13:51] Now, now this magic trick is no more exciting. You are gonna have, you're gonna wanna rethink like, fuck, I don't wanna drink. Now that I know what's happening, this illusion is no longer effective on me. 

[01:14:00] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:14:01] Mike: So ju 

[01:14:02] Julius: this is not 

[01:14:03] Mike: an intervention. 

[01:14:04] Eldar: Ju keep drinking. And 

[01:14:05] Julius: that's why, that's the thing. Like I don't wanna, it's not even about quitting.

[01:14:08] Even if I don't quitting drinking. It's about figuring out the issues why I drink it instead of drinking, celebrating. Yeah. I'm not drinking, I'm drinking out of 

[01:14:15] Eldar: No, 

[01:14:15] Julius: you 

[01:14:16] Eldar: might be telling 

[01:14:17] Julius: you celebrating. 

[01:14:17] Katherine: Exactly. See, that's, that's, 

[01:14:19] Eldar: yeah. 

[01:14:20] Julius: I'm not drinking. You 

[01:14:20] Katherine: seeing where it's coming from. This is not like a You're medicating thing.

[01:14:23] Eldar: You're medicating. 

[01:14:24] Julius: Yeah. I, I But why are you medicating? Because I love going out. Like if I go out like a birthday party, this, I drink it. I don't feel guilty about it. 

[01:14:30] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:14:31] Julius: At all. Most celebration that like if I'm sitting, you like 

[01:14:34] Eldar: events, 

[01:14:34] Julius: right? Like if I'm sitting, I don't even, don't go to events, but like it's, if I'm just sitting at a bar at home or something and drinking, that's when I feel guilty.

[01:14:41] Mike: Yeah, of course. 

[01:14:42] Julius: If I'm, but 

[01:14:43] Mike: the thing is, you sitting at home's, the frame, the way you just framed it obviously is a very simple explanation. But you're sitting at home. If you just like ask somebody to sit silently for 10 minutes, 20 minutes, they're gonna lose their minds. Because especially when you have a lot of turmoil, you have a lot of stress, you can't sit, you gotta be in your phone, you gotta be on the phone, you gotta be in the tv, you gotta be eating something or drinking something, smoking something, whatever, whatever you uses, distraction.

[01:15:10] And I, I'm not sure if distractions are bad, but they can only be bad temporary. And no, I think nothing is actually bad or, or good. It's only the way that you interact with it. If you want to have a drink and it's a distraction, you call it for what it is, and you have it under control and you doesn't control you, who the fuck yes.

[01:15:27] Go. Mm-hmm. Go drink, go smoke, go do drugs, whatever the fuck it is. But if that distraction owns you, that's the problem. 

[01:15:34] Julius: Okay. Got I. That's, that's, hmm. That's what Catherine, you know, she does. 

[01:15:40] Mike: There's an equation. There's an equation, but if you don't follow that equation, you're gonna fall 

[01:15:45] Julius: Yeah. I'm gonna try the thing, like, I'm trying to figure out like, if one plus one is like equal drinking, right?

[01:15:49] Like I gotta remove the one. 

[01:15:51] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:15:51] Julius: Well, yeah. 

[01:15:52] Mike: You know, you gotta first understand that there's a one, because right now you're like, yo, your one plus one is one 

[01:15:57] Julius: times, eh, 

[01:15:58] Mike: one times day. Yeah. Your, your, your math skills are off. Yeah. 

[01:16:02] Julius: Yeah. One times. One. 

[01:16:03] Katherine: No one. Not one Plus one. You're looking at the ultimate.

[01:16:06] Okay. Yeah. The drinking is a problem. Actually. The problem tank is pre, like, there's something else before that. Of course. Something that you're hiding or running away from, or not co like, you're not addressing something. 

[01:16:18] Julius: That's why, like 

[01:16:19] Katherine: the whole, and that's where you, where you're finding yourself, so you gotta 

[01:16:22] Julius: address the, that's whole hypnosis thing.

[01:16:23] The whole hypnosis thing. 

[01:16:24] Katherine: The demons in here. 

[01:16:25] Julius: Mm-hmm. 

[01:16:25] Katherine: That's where you have triggers. That's where you gotta, 

[01:16:27] Julius: yeah. That's what hypnosis, I was like, oh, let me figure it out. Like what is, what's the approach to that about the therapy? You know, the reason, like how did they don't get hypno, hypnotize, like forget about, you know, like there's something else on that.

[01:16:39] Eldar: You know, I know you and I, I obviously, I don't wish for you to go and get hypnotized if this shit works like gray, but like I don't believe in it. You know what I mean? Like, what I believe is that I never 

[01:16:48] Julius: did either. 

[01:16:48] Eldar: What I believe is that like you have the ability to reason you have a reasonable mind, right?

[01:16:54] If you go to the right place, get the right help, you're gonna be able to use it reasonably. 

[01:16:58] Katherine: Mm-hmm. 

[01:16:59] Eldar: Right? Tool through reason. Right Tool. Then you make right choices organically. Yeah. 

[01:17:07] Mike: But 

[01:17:07] Eldar: organically, how does a, 

[01:17:08] Mike: how does that whole thing work? Like, okay. Like, uh, the hypnosis, right? It's, um, 

[01:17:14] Eldar: I don't know.

[01:17:15] Speak 

[01:17:15] Mike: Yeah. What it just like you stop drinking, but who's, say you don't stop doing something else. Yeah. You don't know. I 

[01:17:20] Eldar: don't know what the fuck's going on there. Yeah. Don't, 

[01:17:21] Mike: yeah. Ultimately like the, like it's a lack of empowerment or lack of self-esteem or confidence, whatever, uh, you know, trauma, whatever these things, they're gonna find a way potentially to show themselves in a different thing, in a different outlet.

[01:17:35] And that's like, 

[01:17:38] Julius: so the only reason I looked into hypnosis is like, I know somebody that is like, I, he's like, I wanna quit smoking is like, he is, he's not going there for, for drink. Right? He went there for quit smoking, right? And he, the way he explained it is like the hypnosis, like I'm aware of the hypnosis, I'm aware of what's what, but it's like the hypno hypnosis worked and his correlation was like, I drink, I'll have a cigarette.

[01:17:58] It doesn't exist. Like it broke the, 

[01:18:00] Mike: it broke the, 

[01:18:01] Julius: the thing, it broke the thing. Like every time he'll have two drinks, the connections, he'll have two drinks. And it automatically was like a, it was like a ritual where like, it's like the ritual, like you eat a meal, you smoke a cigarette. 

[01:18:09] Eldar: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

[01:18:10] Julius: All those connections broke that ritual. It was like, it literally, it almost blocked the triggers. Like, it, it broke the connection. But, you know, too, like, I think it's how, to me it's cow. You know what I mean? I know how, I don't know how it's like, it's, it's clearly, yeah, but the thing like, we could break correlation with things like, is like, you play ball, you get sore, right?

[01:18:26] Mm-hmm. I get that. That's, that's physical. That's inevitable. Yeah. Mm-hmm. You drink, you get hung over. Like, 

[01:18:31] Mike: not guaranteed 

[01:18:31] Julius: if you, it is not, I don't even think sore, guaranteed. If you, let's say, you know, it's like if you, like, I'm having a dr, like I'm having a drink, I right away, like, you, oh, I'm gonna have a cigarette.

[01:18:42] Like, you know, so like, whatever it is, like it's, it's that, like I said, one leads to another, right? Like cause and effect. It's like it broke the cause and effect thing where like, like you said, like my effect is drinking, right? I'm not trying to remove. I'm trying to remove the effect, not the cause. Mm-hmm.

[01:18:58] So, which is like, now it's like, I don't want to get him to forget about the cause, like, God forbid. Right. You know, you figure out trauma things that you don't know about it. Like 

[01:19:05] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:19:05] Julius: You got a strong enough night to block it out. Like, I had something that happened to me when I was a kid, which was just like, 

[01:19:09] Nikki: mm-hmm.

[01:19:10] Julius: It's, that isn't like, I'm like, oh, maybe that was it. Like, man, that wasn't it. 

[01:19:16] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:19:16] Julius: You know, like, that wasn't it. There's something else there. Yeah. But when I find out about that, I was like, okay, how far does it go? Like, you know, it's like, yeah. It, it's, it's, it's this, it, it's odd. Like, 

[01:19:26] Eldar: listen therapy. Does exactly this thing, but it takes the time to explain to you, you slowly, slowly the word.

[01:19:35] Julius: Okay. 

[01:19:35] Eldar: That's it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So then you're gonna be like, oh, this is who I am. 

[01:19:40] Toliy: Yeah. 

[01:19:40] Eldar: All the automatic shit that you installed in yourself that is not serving you anymore 

[01:19:45] Toliy: normal, 

[01:19:46] Eldar: that is no longer serving you anymore. Yeah. You're raising your hand and saying, yo, I don't like this about myself. I don't like this about myself.

[01:19:51] I don't like this about myself. I wanna change. Can we commit this mental suicide already without needing to do a physical one doc? That's it. Mm. And they ask you, what do you wanna, like, you start talking about this, you start opening up, boom, boom, boom, boom. Next thing you know, everything's placed properly.

[01:20:03] And then you're like, ah, okay. Do I have a choice in the matter now? Then you create a gap between the automatic response and that small little gap is the choice you make between going there or going there. And you'll be like, this causes me pain. That causes me pleasure. 

[01:20:18] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[01:20:19] Eldar: And then you have a choice in the matter right now.

[01:20:21] You don't have a gap. 

[01:20:22] Julius: No. 

[01:20:23] Eldar: You are an automatic pilot. My. That's it. 

[01:20:27] Julius: I definitely agree to that. 

[01:20:28] Eldar: Do we, do we say goodbye to you now or later? 

[01:20:32] Katherine: I can't, I can't wait. I can't wait to, to meet the new Julius. 

[01:20:35] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:20:36] Katherine: You know? 

[01:20:36] Eldar: Mm-hmm. You know what I'm saying? I think Julius will, will be pleasantly surprised who's gonna be able 

[01:20:41] Katherine: to meet.

[01:20:42] Absolutely. Absolutely. I, 

[01:20:43] Nikki: he goes in snowboards all day, and I never seen him as happy as that. So once he does 

[01:20:48] Katherine: that, well wait, imagine when he starts liking himself for real, like mm-hmm. It's a big, it's a, it's, 

[01:20:53] Eldar: yeah. 

[01:20:54] Julius: Yeah. And I'm pretty, I I'm 

[01:20:55] Katherine: pretty resilient. He'll be happier. You'll be happier around him.

[01:20:59] Eldar: Why? 

[01:20:59] Julius: I'm resilient. Like I close myself because like, I feel positive is better as somebody's a hundred 

[01:21:04] Eldar: mountain. You 

[01:21:05] Julius: know that ego? 

[01:21:06] Eldar: Yeah. See, 

[01:21:08] Julius: I could drink all night, come to work. I still do a better job than you 

[01:21:10] Eldar: for two hours. You're competing against yourself every time. 

[01:21:13] Julius: Yeah. 

[01:21:14] Eldar: For what? 

[01:21:15] Julius: Not something to look at like, oh shit, I could've done so much better if I didn't drink last night.

[01:21:19] That's that. 

[01:21:20] Nikki: He has a tendency to pick. 

[01:21:23] Julius: Anxiety 

[01:21:23] Nikki: if you stop drinking completely or whatever. One thing that self soothing. 

[01:21:27] Eldar: He needs to, he needs to do pain. Yes. 

[01:21:30] Nikki: Yeah. 

[01:21:31] Eldar: Yes. 

[01:21:31] Nikki: Anxiety. 

[01:21:33] Eldar: Yeah. So 

[01:21:35] Julius: therapy. 

[01:21:35] Eldar: You, you like being an idiot, huh? 

[01:21:37] Julius: I'll try my thoughts. Try therapy. 

[01:21:39] Eldar: Don't do me any fucking favors. I'm not 

[01:21:41] Julius: doing any favor.

[01:21:41] Do 

[01:21:41] Katherine: it for yourself. 

[01:21:42] Eldar: Yeah. Don't do me any fucking favors. 

[01:21:44] Julius: Not, 

[01:21:45] Eldar: you know what I'm saying? 

[01:21:45] Julius: No. I'm just, I, I heard Catherine think gave her the tools and I 

[01:21:49] Eldar: ju I know I've heard about 

[01:21:49] Julius: it 

[01:21:49] Eldar: before. For a very long time we weren't able to have a conversation. You know why? 'cause you are a rambler. And now I think this might be the first time in 20 years, in a long time we actually had a, a good conversation.

[01:22:01] Yes. 

[01:22:01] Katherine: You know what? I have to agree. 

[01:22:03] Eldar: Yes. 

[01:22:03] Katherine: How long have I have? I worked with Julius 

[01:22:06] Eldar: for years. Joy. How does it feel? 

[01:22:08] Katherine: Oh, 

[01:22:08] Julius: they locked me in the mail room. 

[01:22:10] Eldar: This, the podcast has been on 

[01:22:11] Katherine: for an hour 

[01:22:12] Eldar: a half. Had the closest, ju was quiet for at least 

[01:22:14] Mike: 20 minutes. 

[01:22:15] Julius: Yeah, I 

[01:22:15] Katherine: was really close. 

[01:22:16] Mike: He has the ability, ability to listen, allowed come 

[01:22:18] Julius: there.

[01:22:19] Mike: He has the ability to pay attention. How does it feel, Julius? Gimme something Julius and everything. You be quiet in 20 minutes, in an hour and a half span. Yeah. This never happens. 

[01:22:29] Katherine: This is like the realest conversation. No, I participated. Ju 

[01:22:33] Mike: how does it feel? No, that was a compliment, 

[01:22:35] Eldar: Julius. Yeah, 

[01:22:35] Katherine: it's real.

[01:22:36] Eldar: I I'll How does it feel? 

[01:22:38] Katherine: Because 

[01:22:39] Eldar: Julius, it's okay to yawn with your mouth open. It feels You just yawn. 

[01:22:43] Toliy: Yeah. And, and yawn, yawning is a relief of blood pressure, by the 

[01:22:46] Eldar: way. Correct. 

[01:22:47] Toliy: That's why it 

[01:22:47] Eldar: happens. Yeah. He's calming down. 

[01:22:49] Toliy: If you have high blood pressure, then you start yawning a lot. It's because of like, like you can, uh, yawn a lot like in the sauna, right?

[01:22:55] Sam? Yeah. 

[01:22:58] Julius: And anxiety. 

[01:22:59] Eldar: Yes. This is what he's saying. 

[01:23:03] Julius: He said, how do I feel in regards to 

[01:23:05] Eldar: this right now? Right now 

[01:23:07] Julius: I feel, 

[01:23:07] Eldar: what's your blood pressure? 

[01:23:09] Julius: I feel I got a little guided. 

[01:23:11] Eldar: Good. You feel better? Mm-hmm. 

[01:23:12] Julius: Yeah. 

[01:23:12] Eldar: Yeah. I mean, you, you came here, you came here. Whatever courage you found, whatever, whatever told you to come here.

[01:23:19] You came here. You did this. You know what I mean? And I think that if you continue to invite to do this kind of shit, come here. Mm-hmm. Have these conversations. 

[01:23:28] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:23:29] Eldar: Now we have a base. Jules, next time you come, you know what question I'm gonna ask? How's therapy going? 

[01:23:35] Julius: There you go. 

[01:23:36] Eldar: You know what I'm saying?

[01:23:37] We have a continuum now. 

[01:23:38] Yeah, 

[01:23:38] Julius: yeah. No, it's, it's 

[01:23:40] Eldar: you. We can build on this if you want. If you say, I didn't go. Okay, Jules, no problem. I gonna force your hand. 

[01:23:46] Julius: Oh, I'm definitely gonna go. 

[01:23:46] Eldar: I'm gonna ask you the next question. Gonna say, oh, you want to continue to be an idiot? And you'll be like, yeah. Although I'm gonna continue to be an idiot.

[01:23:52] No problem. Come back later and maybe one day you vanish because you died or committed suicide. You know what I mean? And that also happens. That's also part of life. That's 

[01:24:01] Julius: scream. That's totally 

[01:24:02] Eldar: what, 

[01:24:03] Julius: yeah. 

[01:24:03] Eldar: That's part of life. He knows it. He's a big boy. 

[01:24:05] Julius: I know. I know. I know. 

[01:24:05] Eldar: He's the most friends. 

[01:24:06] Julius: I know the com.

[01:24:06] I know the family I 

[01:24:07] Eldar: come from. 

[01:24:08] Julius: It's, it's, I've seen, 

[01:24:09] Eldar: you know what I'm saying? We're grown, man. Yeah. You know what I mean? That. But you wish you well. I think that if you invite, wish you're, invite you, you invite people that don't have a horse in the race, in your hor in your race, I think you could be challenged the right way in order to finally get, uh, to be able to look yourself in the mirror and be like, yo, what, what the fuck is wrong with us?

[01:24:29] You know what I mean? Let's do better, 

[01:24:30] Nikki: I think is not challenging enough is when you know. Sorry. No, not everyone is as smart as him and so he, I think gets more easily. 

[01:24:37] Eldar: Yeah. No, but the thing is, he says a lot. That's the thing. He says a lot. He knows a lot. You know what I mean? 

[01:24:42] Nikki: I'm 

[01:24:42] Julius: also, but he's useless people.

[01:24:44] Eldar: Yeah. A lot of times it's useless and if we can have a conversation, we can actually, 

[01:24:47] Julius: it's like a 

[01:24:48] Eldar: bounce back and forth. Yeah. 

[01:24:50] Katherine: Buster, 

[01:24:51] Eldar: this is a yes, can hire ju. 

[01:24:54] Julius: Oh my 

[01:24:55] Katherine: God. That is so 

[01:24:56] Eldar: you could be hired to be a filibuster person 

[01:24:58] Julius: straight on. 

[01:24:59] Eldar: You need somebody to ramble for 40 hours straight. 

[01:25:01] Katherine: People have done it like 

[01:25:01] Eldar: historic, 

[01:25:02] like, 

[01:25:02] Katherine: like 

[01:25:03] Julius: almost like they guys have guy that was famous.

[01:25:05] You've read it for 26 hours without, like, I didn't know what that is. This 

[01:25:09] Eldar: is when I've heard 

[01:25:11] Julius: filibuster is like when they try to pass the law. Pass the 

[01:25:13] Eldar: law, yeah. 

[01:25:14] Julius: Chance. But everybody 

[01:25:14] Eldar: gets a chance to 

[01:25:15] Julius: talk. As long as you talk to the entire city, they don't get a chance to vote. You can talk all the way through till the session's over.

[01:25:21] Yes. It's called the filibuster. It's a filibuster law. 

[01:25:23] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:25:24] Julius: The law, the black, the black Democrat from New York, he, he stood for like 26 and a half hours. He would refused, like combined because it was like eight. It was like 8, 8, 8 and eight, like all four sessions. My men never got off. He just read. I think he read, I forgot what he read.

[01:25:37] He read the, the tax law. Just kind because you can't, you either talk yourself, but like if you take a break, they'll be like, you take a two minute break, you're like, you're gone. Get off and then throw a vote, and it's like, you gotta continuously talk.

[01:25:52] Do you know You gotta conti. It's, it's a, it's simply, it's a distract, it's a distraction. Not to let anybody have to put their point in. 

[01:25:57] Eldar: Yeah, it's an actual thing. Wow. 

[01:26:00] Julius: It's ridic. All right, 

[01:26:01] Eldar: let's go around the room. Let's do some final thoughts on here. Unless anybody else wants to add something, some more insight.

[01:26:06] How do we do that? We solve alcoholism. It's irrelevant, right? Alcoholism is irrelevant. Drug addiction is irrelevant. All that shit is irrelevant. What's relevant is the fact that people are in pain and they're finding ways, very creative ways to relieve that pain. Could be alcohol, could be whatever. 

[01:26:26] Mike: Those things wouldn't exist.

[01:26:28] Eldar: Yeah. We, we just became very good at, at doing the very specific thing, numbing our pain, taking care of our pain. And that's a good thing, I think. Mm-hmm. You know, otherwise it would be very difficult to live. Right. 

[01:26:43] Julius: And so people in 1850s drink a lot of whiskey, 

[01:26:46] Eldar: whatever. Yeah. 

[01:26:47] Julius: No. Like the, the amount, the amount of alcoholics in 18 hundreds is mind blowing.

[01:26:51] Eldar: Yeah. But the challenge here is that we do, we are reasonable humans and we can find our ways out in different ways that can be a little bit more pleasant. So we don't have the second day hangovers, second day bad talking to ourselves. Mm-hmm. You know, so we ought to find it. Mm-hmm. Can Julius find it too cute?

[01:27:10] What do you think? 

[01:27:11] Toliy: Yeah, I feel like 

[01:27:12] Nikki: you hungry. 

[01:27:13] Toliy: Yeah. I feel like if he puts his mind to it and like, uh, yeah. If he's actually fed up, you know. Yeah. If he's actually fed up. But yeah, I don't know. I. It doesn't sound fed up to me. 

[01:27:25] Mike: Do you prescribe, what do you prescribe? Keep drinking? 

[01:27:29] Toliy: Probably. Yeah. 

[01:27:29] Mike: Yeah. Good.

[01:27:30] I wanna, I wanna, I know why Julies only compare himself to the people who are lower than him. Not the, 

[01:27:36] Katherine: yeah. 

[01:27:37] Mike: You know, because the higher No, I know. Just, I wanna hear that. 

[01:27:41] Julius: Oh, no. Discomfort. I tried to strive for something, is I, 

[01:27:43] Mike: no, like, why are you comparing yourself to people who would do worse? Why don't you compare yourself?

[01:27:46] I know. I want him to answer. 

[01:27:48] Julius: Yeah, I know that, that 

[01:27:49] Mike: the ego bro, the pride. But how can you be, at the same time, egotistical saying, I'm better than these people, but also insecure because you're not comparing yourself to people who actually, '

[01:28:01] Julius: cause it sucks to be the last man in a race. 

[01:28:02] Katherine: Cognitive 

[01:28:03] Mike: dissonance.

[01:28:03] You'll found the way to be in the middle and to hide, right? 

[01:28:05] Julius: Yeah. Yeah. 

[01:28:07] Mike: Guys, you don't, you exclude the people who are better at something than you. And, but you wanna, you know, be on above the people who are worse than you just 

[01:28:16] Julius: surround. You know, some people better than me. Some people, but it's, it's, 

[01:28:20] Mike: no, no, I'm not saying surrounding, I'm saying about the comparison.

[01:28:23] Julius: Well, that's the justification. 

[01:28:25] Mike: You use that as like a crutch for yourself. So like, oh, I'm betting than these people. My shit's not that bad. But you don't say, well, there's people out in the world who are, don't have any. Uh, problem at all or, or have this figured out. Why don't you, like, why don't, why you don't compare yourself to those people.

[01:28:40] Julius: That's why I'm here, brother. 

[01:28:41] Mike: Yeah, no, I know. I get it. 

[01:28:43] Julius: You know, 

[01:28:44] Mike: but he 

[01:28:45] Eldar: wants to know the reason I guess behind it. 

[01:28:47] Mike: Like, no, I think that's the thing 

[01:28:48] Eldar: is there's psychological thing that's behind, like comparing to lower versus compare to the higher, you know what I mean? Yeah. I think it's more so, so I think it 

[01:28:54] Toliy: depends 

[01:28:54] Julius: when, oh, no, no.

[01:28:55] So on a day you drink, you compare yourself to the lower uhhuh on 

[01:28:59] Eldar: the day you hungover compared to hassle the higher. Like that's that's good. Yeah. 

[01:29:03] Julius: Like you look at the other guy, like, dude, this sucked, bro, why can't, like, 

[01:29:07] Eldar: what's 

[01:29:07] Julius: wrong with across the street grass seven 30? Like can't do that right now.

[01:29:12] Eldar: There you 

[01:29:12] Julius: go. You know, and that's when you make yourself feel bad and you're like, all I'm gonna do better next week. But then like Friday comes like, yeah, those dudes suck bro. Joey didn't come to work on Friday. He got drunk last night. I'm gonna have a drink. 

[01:29:22] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:29:23] Julius: It's, yeah. Okay. That makes sense. Know it's 

[01:29:26] Mike: kind 

[01:29:26] Julius: of like, 

[01:29:26] Mike: but it's a way for the ego to hide in for, to the true person.

[01:29:32] Which is that like a traumatized little, little Julius inside. 

[01:29:38] Katherine: I'm gonna, I'm gonna hear something like, I mean, this is a long time ago when we worked at the first law firm, um, Julius had a tendency. To call out on Mondays. 

[01:29:51] Eldar: Oh, yeah. 

[01:29:52] Katherine: Yeah. All 

[01:29:52] Eldar: day. Everybody knew that. Yeah. 

[01:29:54] Katherine: Julius was out almost every Monday.

[01:29:56] Wow. I don't know how you got a away with that for so long. As long as that. As long as he did, because Yeah, Monday, every Monday. Yeah. Monday. It was the party. It was too hard. Yeah. 

[01:30:08] Mike: And 

[01:30:08] Katherine: he just couldn't, because he smart, couldn't, so like, yeah. It's, you know, 

[01:30:11] Mike: he's smart enough 

[01:30:12] Katherine: it it to take the off you in so many other ways, 

[01:30:15] Mike: smart 

[01:30:15] Julius: enough to take the money off.

[01:30:16] Well, I started pushing on purpose. I was like, I need get fired in the unemployment. 

[01:30:19] Katherine: I was like, serious. You know, at some point it's like, okay, he really is not even trying to, 

[01:30:24] Julius: I was like, I'm not, Jan was like, y'all, these got used 

[01:30:25] Katherine: guys, everyone knew too. Like, it was like a running joke in the office too.

[01:30:29] Julius: Mm-hmm. Yeah. So 

[01:30:30] Katherine: yeah, I mean, it, it, it it bleeds into all areas of your life. Yeah. Yeah. And most importantly, you are not happy with it. And that's something that you can change with, with the right help, you know, so like, why wouldn't you so that you could be a happier person and live better. You know, why not?

[01:30:47] Eldar: Anybody else? Julius, you have any final thoughts? This was great, Jules. Thank you so much for your presence. 

[01:30:52] Katherine: Thank 

[01:30:52] Eldar: you 

[01:30:52] for 

[01:30:53] Eldar: sharing 

[01:30:53] Katherine: that. That's, 

[01:30:54] Eldar: it was definitely a good conversation. Yeah, 

[01:30:55] Katherine: it was a good conversation. 

[01:30:56] Eldar: Yeah. I think productive for everyone, I think. 

[01:30:58] Katherine: Absolutely. Yeah. Not just for Julius. It's for everyone.

[01:31:01] Eldar: All. Nice. Thank you again. 

[01:31:02] Katherine: Alright.