212. Perpetual Hell

What kind of life is an ignorant life, and is it a ticking time bomb ticking toward your own personal hell?

On this week's episode of the Dennis Rox Podcast, Toliy, Mike, and Eldar step straight into the psychological BIOS to diagnose the deep-rooted bugs, viruses, and background loops formatting our everyday choices. We confront a brutal, unavoidable phenomenon: the agonizing reality of living an unexamined life and why true self-improvement demands that you put your entire soul on the line.

If you have ever felt like you are running on a flawed operating system, constantly giving yourself the wrong medicine for internal anxieties while staying trapped in a performance-driven hamster wheel, this heavy, zero-filter group dialogue is your wake-up call. We break down why true happiness isn’t found in societal checklists or external validation, but in the meticulous, exhausting warfare waged against your own internal programming.

💥 The Most Insightful Moment of the Episode:

"It's a clear form of punishment as a result of stumbling upon the truth and not examining it... You're gonna be reminded in every moment of your life that you know exactly where to go, and you're not going there. It's an absolute curse forever." — Toliy

🧠 Key Takeaways & Mindset Shifts:

• The Safe Mode Diagnostics: Why raw, unpolished conversations with trusted circles act as a system reboot, allowing you to debug the toxic coding installed by your childhood environment or past traumas.
• The Deficit Starting Line: Acknowledge that you aren't building a life from zero; you are starting from a structural deficit. Real mental growth requires erasing old scripts before installing new ones.
• The High Standard Trap: How idealizing perfection and fearing judgment creates a paralyzing internal duplicate of yourself that physically assaults your focus when you are standing at life's free-throw line.
• God is in the Details: Why true satisfaction is baked entirely into the meticulous particles of your daily actions, and how cutting corners on the small things subtly invites a lifelong cycle of regret.

⚡ The Final Crux

You can keep chasing distractions, burying your head in coping mechanisms, and pretending the invisible war isn't happening. But once you catch a single glimpse of your internal truth, the ignorance defense is dead forever. You can choose to step onto the battlefield of self-discovery, face your final boss, and rewrite your source code... or you can let the clock run out on a compromised existence.

Are you ready to stop running from the discomfort of your own mind? Hit play now, join our community of thousands of seekers tracking down their raw purpose, and pull back the curtain on the illusions holding you back.

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Eldar: On this week's episode 

[00:00:01] Toliy: What kind of life is an ignorant life? Yeah. What is it? 

[00:00:04] Mike: It's bad. 

[00:00:04] Toliy: It, it, it's, it's just like an activation of time, right? It's just like a time like, like it's like a ticking time. 

[00:00:11] Eldar: It's hell.

[00:00:13] Mike: If you don't have that, like, I don't know, purpose, I think it's like a necessary thing, and that purpose, if it's not rooted in truth,

[00:00:21] You're gonna have this, what Tolley's saying, like a broken life. 

[00:00:25] Toliy: You allow the anxiety to exist because you're fearful of the worst outcome that you've created. If you were to say like, "Fuck it. Let that happen right now." 

[00:00:33] Eldar: Yeah, yeah. 

[00:00:33] Toliy: Right? Yeah. Try being afraid of that now. 

[00:00:35] Eldar: Yeah. You can't.

[00:00:43] All right, guys. Another episode on the Dennis Rocks Podcast with Toliy, Mike, and Eldar. So gather around now. This week we have, uh, Toliy, who has a bone to pick. And if I understood him correctly, and Toliy will fix it if I didn't, but he told me everyone suffers with, from this, this phenomenon. And the phenomenon is the fact that, um, when you find times to reflect, to relax, maybe when you're relaxed and you actually have a, you have time to think, to reason, maybe have a conversation with your friends, your loved ones, where it's not just surface level conversations, maybe conversations like we have here on the, on the podcast, right?

[00:01:28] Your mind is kind of tuned in and it almost is protected from the outside noise. Maybe the, e- even the inside noise too, like anxieties and all this other stuff. But unfortunately, we don't do it long enough for it to kind of maybe protect us for a long periods of time, right? So he almost compared it to like, um, operating system on the computer where it's like when you're using Windows, you can get viruses and all these problems, errors, and bugs, right?

[00:01:57] But if you need to diagnose something, you have to go into a safe mode or the BIOS, right? BIOS or BIOS? BIOS. BIOS, that's how you say it, right? Where it's a, it's a black screen, you know, you go through like the, uh, the non-polish, the guts. Yeah, the technical. You know what I mean? And he thinks that, um, when we reason, when we have these types of conversations, it's almost like we're in the BIOS trying to undo all the crazy, stupid shit that we've done throughout life, living an unexamined life.

[00:02:27] Toliy: Mm-hmm. 

[00:02:28] Eldar: Toliy, am I good so far? 

[00:02:29] Toliy: Somewhat, yeah. 

[00:02:30] Eldar: Somewhat, right. Um, and because of that, our life is pretty much riddled with all these reactions, you know, to things, to life events. The way we perceive the world, the way we carry ourself in the world is just all kind of mangled, not in such a way where it's kind of serving us.

[00:02:53] Mm-hmm. It's, uh, it's definitely not maybe pleasant, right? More painful. So I guess maybe Toliy's challenge is how do you have more of these types of conversations in order for them to kind of stick? And I reminded him that, uh, Socrates obviously talked about the unexamined life. He notoriously always preached and said that unexamined life is not worth living, and, uh, I think this is what Toliy's alluding to.

[00:03:17] So Toliy, Brother Toliy, can you please bless us? I can try. Like expand on what you were rambling about earlier. 'Cause I think it's a good-- it's, it-- he's right. I think he's onto something. 

[00:03:29] Toliy: Yeah, I just feel that like, you know, like, um-

[00:03:37] Everyone that listens to this podcast or doesn't, or just in general, right? Everybody has desires, everybody wants things, everybody wants to, like, achieve particular things. They wanna change things about them- themselves. Um, whatever it is. Every- everybody obviously wants, like, you know, some level of, like, happiness or peace or, like, a mix of that, right?

[00:03:59] Um, and, uh, many people use the same words as to like, you know, um, what, what they want, and it could be like: "Okay," like, "I wanna improve at this. I want to lose weight. I want to, like, do that." And, um, these are all, like, universal kinds of, like, phrases or words, right? Like, um, I'm guessing most people understand the concept of someone saying like, "Hey, I'd like to get in shape," for example, right?

[00:04:29] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:04:29] Toliy: Like that, that's a pretty common phrase. Um, but I think the issue that in general, like, that people have is that, uh, they don't factor in who they actually are and what kind of operating system are they, are, are they, uh, working with when wanting to do these different types of things. And then they're, you know, oftentimes perplexed when life is not kind of, you know, folding in the way that they want it to, to be, right?

[00:05:04] Um, and they have, you know, they'll figure out either reasons why or they'll, they'll do d- different things. And to me, I just feel that like, um Complete, like, overhaul, uh, like, of a person's, like, just m- makeup, I, I, I feel like is ne- is needed, um, to actually live a good life, like, in general. 

[00:05:29] Eldar: What does it look like?

[00:05:30] Toliy: Because... What? 

[00:05:32] Eldar: A complete overhaul. 

[00:05:33] Toliy: Well- 

[00:05:34] Eldar: Like, you know? 

[00:05:34] Toliy: I, I mean- Yeah, it's tough because it's like, um... Like, like, for example, if you're a nervous person, if you bring nervous energy into things- 

[00:05:43] Eldar: Yeah ... 

[00:05:43] Toliy: which I often do- 

[00:05:44] Eldar: Yes ... 

[00:05:44] Toliy: for example. 

[00:05:45] Eldar: You kill the vibe. 

[00:05:46] Toliy: You can kill the vibe, yeah. Yeah. Anything that, like, you work on, anything that you do, whether you're cooking, you're improving something at work, whatever it is, you're having a conversation with somebody, you're doing something new, you're experiencing something you haven't done before.

[00:05:59] Whatever it is, you could bring in that same energy, right? That, like, nervous or anxious type, type of energy into those things. 

[00:06:08] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:06:08] Toliy: And then ultimately, you don't get what you, what, what you want out of them anyway. 

[00:06:14] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:06:15] Toliy: But you're not willing to kind of like almost, like, see, like, like, hey, like, what's, like, what's actually going on here?

[00:06:22] And what kind of like, like, yeah, how do you go about a complete overhaul? Because to me, it's like, you, you, you will just continue to desire things, and they won't come out the way that you want them to. And then you'll have reasons as to why you think they're not going at, like, at, at, like, um, in, in, in the way that you're envisioning it or that you've seen others talk about it.

[00:06:45] And a lot of this is that, like, when you're learning something, when you're hearing someone else talk about it, when you're reading something, you're reading it. You're, you're, like, listening to it and comprehending it, like, in your brain from just, like, words, right? But these words are like, um- They, they don't factor in our operating system or who we are or how we go about things, but they're all, they're, they're all used amongst many different people, right?

[00:07:13] Like many different people could be part of like, I don't know, a gym class for example. 

[00:07:16] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:07:17] Toliy: But, uh, their idea as to what like, you know, what they're trying to get out of it or what it is or how, how it works can be all different, for example. But the same like phrase or the same language is being used.

[00:07:29] Um, so- 

[00:07:31] Eldar: But are, are you almost like suggesting to have like a complete retreat then? Like a mental retreat for a, an X amount of time? The, the- Like a period, a long period of time in order to finally, like, like you said, overhaul. Like you're using crazy words. 

[00:07:43] Toliy: Yeah. I just feel that like, like for example in my case it's like, yeah like different parts of my life definitely over time like improve and get better.

[00:07:51] Mm-hmm. Right? But I'm still f- um like- Which you're happy with ... whi- whi- which, which I'm somewhat happy with, right? But overall when I examine things and when I look at things, um, parts of like who I am as a person, um, like those parts I don't enjoy still bleed into e- like many parts of my life. Mm. And they'll continue to.

[00:08:13] And, um, it's almost like if you don't do something about that, then you're not gonna get what you're envisioning or you want to begin with. You're just going to I think actually spend more time trying to like-

[00:08:31] Do something that probably doesn't make sense for who you are or in the ways that, that you are to begin with. So it's like unless you address those things or unless you, like- 

[00:08:40] Eldar: You're never gonna be happy ... 

[00:08:41] Toliy: you're never gonna get what you're envisioning. Because again, it's like the word happiness, right?

[00:08:45] Like, we can all define it in different ways. We can all have di- different, you know, things that we see or we envision. Um, and we're getting this because, like, the, this word happiness is like a combination of our own experiences, and then the desire of it is like a learned, a learned behavior of seeing it elsewhere, right?

[00:09:03] Whether it's like seeing it in movies, seeing it in social media, hearing about others speak. Um, a very popular form of happiness, for example, in like just the world in general, let's say United States or wherever, right, is like to get a lot of money. A lot of people want... Like, many people wanna get a lot of money, right?

[00:09:23] Eldar: Um- Well, I think this... For them, it's probably the perception that money will solve the problem. 

[00:09:26] Toliy: Well, correct, but I'm saying that, like, it's some... It's, it... They, they want it s- like, nobody wants it because they're collectors of dollar bills or paper, right? Or like they're really interested in like- Yeah ... the people on it or how they feel, how they look.

[00:09:40] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:09:40] Toliy: They're not collectors of it. Yeah. They want it because they can use it to do particular things, and they're under an impression that this will bring them happiness. Otherwise, they wouldn't be so, like, gung ho about it, right? 

[00:09:51] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:09:51] Toliy: It wouldn't be such a big emphasis. Hell-bent. Yeah, yeah, like it wouldn't be a big emphasis if it wasn't such an important thing.

[00:09:59] So, um, so many people universally want it, want it, but different people will react in different ways and experience different things with money, for example. Ju- just like something like that. 

[00:10:13] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:10:13] Toliy: So my, my, my issue, at least like for me, is that, like, whatever, uh, parts of my life that I don't like, I just feel that, like, they continue to be, um, present, and they continue to bleed into everything I do.

[00:10:29] Eldar: And that pisses you off. 

[00:10:30] Toliy: And then... Yeah, yeah, y- yeah, it pisses me off because I can't, like, um, I have a hard time, um, getting what I want from things. 

[00:10:39] Eldar: Mm. 

[00:10:40] Toliy: You know? And when I don't get what, what I want from things, well, then the, then it's like you have to fig- figure out why, and you could go back and forth on different things as to like what's not working, what's working, what needs to change or what, but you're also operating from your limited understanding of things.

[00:10:56] Eldar: Mm. 

[00:10:56] Toliy: And I think that's the problem is that, like, you're basically a sick individual trying to get healthy. 

[00:11:06] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:11:07] Toliy: But because you're sick and you're compromised to begin with, you constantly give yourself the wrong medications and, and medicines. 

[00:11:15] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:11:15] Toliy: And then you have reactions to them, and then you, you, and, and, and then it, like, you still don't get to that level of healthy that you want to begin with.

[00:11:24] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:11:25] Toliy: So it's like, do you just continue to kind of try to problem solve these kinds of things and, like, tame them or m- or m- or manage them? Or, um, like is a more serious mission required to, um, rid, rid, rid yourself from these actual things? 

[00:11:48] Mike: It's a good question. Mike, what do you think? Yeah, I mean, this, uh, this conversation, it feels like, uh, reminiscent of a conversation that we have, like, a lot of the time.

[00:11:56] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:11:57] Mike: It's that chicken or the egg thing. Like how do you, like, you know, get on that thing of, like, improving your life and, you know, like, it just reminds me of that. And, um,

[00:12:10] the thing is, like, I think it's a hard thing to do always to make a change, uh, on the way you're going about doing things because you have-- we have certain things that we like to do. We have certain habits, we have certain things that are part of our lives. And to say, like, "You know what? I'm gonna now just drop everything and just focus on the bios," it's, uh, not easy.

[00:12:34] I mean, I'm not, not saying that Toliy was saying it's gonna be easy, but it's a challenging thing because we have things that we're attached to, things that we have desires for, and- Like, 

[00:12:42] Eldar: where do you start? 

[00:12:43] Mike: Where do you start? Yeah. Um, and part of it is like, yeah, the attachment is, like, also huge because we have commitments to, you know, to people, to jobs, to whatever, you know?

[00:12:56] And I don't think... I think it's part of the process, the way that we, you know, the way that he, he described doing it, the way he's been doing, I think that's the-- I'm not sure if there's another way to do it because we're not starting from, like, zero. 

[00:13:13] Toliy: Mm-hmm. 

[00:13:13] Mike: You know, we're starting where, uh, and we obviously said this before, we're already starting with a bag of, like, junk that we're carrying, and we don't know that we have to unpack it.

[00:13:24] So we're going into things with a lot of it, like, engagements. We're going into a lot of engagements with- Junk ... preconceived notions- That's what he said ... of things and how they operate. So, like, for that to be discovered, somebody else might help to help you discover it, because sometimes it's not easy to yourself to feel, like, the pain from ignorant life, right?

[00:13:43] Or ignorant belief systems or- 

[00:13:45] Eldar: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:13:45] Mike: way of doing things. So that's one. A lot of it is like, you know, unknown, almost invisible things that we suffer with, and then the consequences. We feel the consequences, but we don't really know where, if we're shooting in the right direction. You know, we may think, "Hey, we need to solve A," but it's actually the problem is- B

[00:14:04] even deeper or B, you know? 

[00:14:06] Eldar: Well, it sounds like it's Y. 

[00:14:08] Mike: Yeah. So that's like a, that, that, I think that's a difficult thing, but it's- It's also we have lives and I'm not sure, like 

[00:14:21] Eldar: Where do you start, 

[00:14:21] Mike: how do you- Where do you start, but also, uh, like, what w- who said we shouldn't enjoy life or, like, we shouldn't try to do it together?

[00:14:29] Like, you know, enjoy life in a sense of not just, like, from educating yourself and improving the quality, but also enjoy life in a different way, too. Like, you know, like, um, not, I'm not, like, saying, like, to commit to go and to be a Buddhist monk and, like, the next 30 years just- Mm-hmm ... be focused on education.

[00:14:47] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:14:48] Mike: That's a, it's a big ask. I think it's a hard 

[00:14:51] Eldar: ask. I think it's, it's, it's important that what you just said about education, I think, and, uh, going, like, maybe on a retreat. Because to some degree, Toliy, I think that that's exactly what's been missed, right? Uh, at least for us, right? Uh, well, I actually got my education in philosophy, but, um, you, you guys, for example, didn't go through the schooling of- Yeah

[00:15:12] education and specific things that you wanted to do. Yeah. You wanted to accomplish. 

[00:15:15] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:15:16] Eldar: Right? So you... It's almost like a retreat type of thing, right? You, you didn't take that maybe part of your life maybe as seriously- Mm-hmm ... in order to then say, "Okay, cool, like, this is my craft, this is what I love, this is- Mm-hmm

[00:15:27] what I studied," and, like- Yeah ... you have that competency in that area. 

[00:15:30] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:15:30] Eldar: So I think that's probably one of those things where it's like- Yeah ... because of the fact that that, that retreat didn't happen- 

[00:15:36] Mike: Yeah ... 

[00:15:36] Eldar: an educational, quote-unquote- Yeah ... retreat. Uh, it's gonna be like these broken pieces that you're gonna try to put together.

[00:15:42] Mike: Yes. 

[00:15:43] Eldar: You know what I mean? Yeah. But I know, I know but philosophy and, and psychology and stuff like that, I think applies generally to everything, and it's probably a form of study that you need to study regardless for rest of your life. 

[00:15:55] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:15:55] Eldar: That's why- Yeah ... I mean, that's my bias. 

[00:15:56] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:15:57] Eldar: You know what I mean?

[00:15:57] Mike: Of course. 

[00:15:58] Eldar: But I think that a retreat, educational retreat, which is very hard to do when you're, when you're an adult- 

[00:16:04] Mike: Mm-hmm, 

[00:16:04] Eldar: yeah ... you know, to go into yourself and really figure that kinda shit out is difficult. 

[00:16:09] Mike: Yeah. Yeah, and I think the process of you, like, educating yourself and spending all those years- Mm-hmm

[00:16:14] educating was definitely huge because it's like, um, you're committed to this craft for a long time. Well, it- You studied, you listened, you learned, you, like- 

[00:16:26] Eldar: Yeah ... 

[00:16:26] Mike: you had a lot of time to reflect- Yeah ... and to think. 

[00:16:28] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:16:28] Mike: You were like, uh, encompassed- I was- ... fully in this thing ... that was 

[00:16:31] Eldar: my retreat. That was your- I was completely into it.

[00:16:33] Yeah. Yeah. And the thing is, I actually got something back from it because I wanted to do it. 

[00:16:37] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:16:37] Eldar: That was the big kicker. 

[00:16:38] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:16:39] Eldar: Remember, when we first started, I was involved- Yeah ... in completely different classes- Yeah ... which I failed, fucked around, cut school, all that shit. 

[00:16:45] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:16:46] Eldar: Partied through it. 

[00:16:47] Mike: Yeah.

[00:16:47] Eldar: But when I came back to school, it was a completely different mindset- It was different, 

[00:16:50] Mike: yeah ... 

[00:16:51] Eldar: mindshift, um, mindset, sh- shift of mindset, you know? And then that's when I focused. 

[00:16:57] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:16:57] Eldar: And that's why I actually got something back from it. 

[00:17:00] Mike: Mm-hmm. Yeah. 

[00:17:01] Eldar: You know what I mean? Yeah. Because I wanted to, and I was receptive to 

[00:17:04] Mike: do it.

[00:17:04] It took... Yeah. You were pa- Like, you had a passion about it, you had a drive about it. 

[00:17:07] Eldar: I did. I 

[00:17:07] Mike: did. Yeah. And, and that, the, like, when you say that, that makes me think, like- Is the requirement, right, necessarily like to a good life, right? Let's... I'm trying to like think about it in the f- on the fly, but the requirement to have a good life is it necessarily have to go into philosophy?

[00:17:29] Mm, right? Mm-hmm. Or can you, in whatever you do, if you find something that you're passionate about, is the goal is to actually exercise philosophy within that craft? So you could be- 

[00:17:41] Eldar: Yeah ... 

[00:17:41] Mike: you could've went to school for- Something else ... I mean, you w- yeah, I could've went to school for car stuff- Yeah

[00:17:46] because I love cars. Yeah. I'm passionate about it. 

[00:17:47] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:17:48] Mike: And I could've developed the same- Focus ... focus. 

[00:17:51] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:17:52] Mike: Like love for it, patience. Character and yeah. You know, chara- Yeah, all those things. Yeah. And that, that's what, you know, I was thinking about, um, because ultimately philosophy is like, uh, again, it's a foundation for anything that you do.

[00:18:07] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:18:08] Mike: You know? 

[00:18:08] Eldar: But I think the kicker is there is that, like you actually want to do it. Mm-hmm. Like, uh, just because your mom and dad told you to be a doctor or lawyer or- Yeah ... a mechanic or whatever- 

[00:18:17] Mike: 100% ... 

[00:18:17] Eldar: if you went for the wrong reasons- 

[00:18:19] Mike: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:18:19] Eldar: I think that you w- you would still come out broken. 

[00:18:23] Mike: Yeah, I agree.

[00:18:24] Yeah. 

[00:18:24] Eldar: And I think a lot of people are going through that right now. 

[00:18:26] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:18:26] Eldar: Right? I agree. Where just because you got your education- Mm-hmm ... got your degree or whatever in something, you got a good job, does not necessarily mean that you solved the philosophical question of- Yeah ... how to live a good life. 

[00:18:36] Mike: Yeah.

[00:18:37] Yeah, because like, you know, like what we do for work- 

[00:18:41] Eldar: Yeah, 

[00:18:41] Mike: yeah ... that's the business, but what we actually do for work is the implement- is like the usage of those tools that you learned, and then applying that into your daily life. 

[00:18:51] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:18:51] Mike: That's most, that's the whole practice. Yeah. You know? 

[00:18:53] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:18:54] Mike: So. 

[00:18:55] Eldar: I try to.

[00:18:56] Mike: You try to, yeah. 

[00:18:56] Eldar: I try to my- Yeah ... to my best abilities, but as you know- Yeah ... even with trying as hard as in the background, I do have, there's plenty of stressors and- 

[00:19:03] Mike: Well, of course, yeah ... 

[00:19:03] Eldar: and- 

[00:19:04] Mike: We are, we're trying. 

[00:19:05] Eldar: We're working. You're trying your best. You know, we're trying. We're human, 

[00:19:07] Mike: yeah, as 

[00:19:07] Eldar: they say.

[00:19:08] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:19:08] Eldar: Human. You're 

[00:19:09] Mike: having a human experience. 

[00:19:10] Eldar: I am having a human experience, yeah. 

[00:19:12] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:19:13] Eldar: Uh, yeah, so Toliy, what do you think about these broken pieces that you're just trying to pick up? 

[00:19:18] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, um, my, my thing is this, is that like, 

[00:19:22] Eldar: um- 'Cause we... Sorry, sorry. Because we always talk about the childhood, right?

[00:19:25] Yeah. How we were raised. That our parents didn't instill certain things in us, right? Because not, not on purpose obviously, right? Mm-hmm. Let's not blame our parents here. 

[00:19:31] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:19:32] Eldar: Right? But because maybe they were ignorant, that we always go back to like, oh, well, there's certain values and belief systems that were installed in us from the young age, and that's why we kind of suffering through that stuff.

[00:19:42] Toliy: Yeah. Um, I guess I feel like, um- I think throughout someone's life, there, there, there's like different types of, of challenges and there's different like, you know, stages of what's going on. 'Cause yeah, like Mike said, like we're not, we're not starting from zero, we're starting from- 

[00:20:02] Eldar: A 

[00:20:02] Toliy: deficit ... a place and then trying to, you know, erase and install the right programs, right?

[00:20:07] If we wanna call it that. 

[00:20:09] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:20:09] Toliy: Um, but the, the, the issue I'm talking about here specifically is that like, um, if we can all pic- picture it, is that like, um, we're all trying to like build different apps on our platform, for example. 

[00:20:24] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:20:24] Toliy: Right? We're all trying to create them. But the issue is that there's particular viruses that, that are coded into the software that, that, that we have currently installed.

[00:20:37] And everything that we do, these viruses, for the most part everything, um, that, that we build, they, um, code themselves automatically into these things. 

[00:20:51] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:20:51] Toliy: Whether you notice them or not. 

[00:20:53] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:20:53] Toliy: But they do. And then, um-

[00:20:59] They almost prevent you in like a way from enjoying things in the way that you've intended to or the way that you want to. So, um, to me it feels like, um, huge fundamental change is required obviously, and I, yeah, yeah, I mean, it definitely sounds extremely challenging and like I, I, like I don't have exact like understanding or steps as to what needs, needs to get done or, or like how, how to go about it exactly.

[00:21:30] But to me it just feels that like I feel like people will continue to, um, like they'll, they'll have the feeling of like they're, they're driving somewhere, and their moments of feeling good are like they get off at a like a, like a rest stop- Mm ... or like an exit and they have, you know, they have like enjoyment, right?

[00:21:48] They, they ac- they actually like it. 

[00:21:49] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:21:50] Toliy: You know? But then they get back on the road. Um, and to, to me like those things that we're talking about, like they're like stops. Like we, we stop at these places and then like, um, we maybe like how like, how like life is going or maybe we enjoy something. But, but then we get back on the road and these, um, internal problems we have show face.

[00:22:15] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:22:15] Toliy: And they're, and, and they're there for like your whole road trip. 

[00:22:19] Eldar: Mm. 

[00:22:20] Toliy: You know? So like my, my, my, my issue is that like I can desire like whatever I wanna do, build this, improve that, do this, do that, but, um, I keep having the feeling in like internally for example, at least for myself, that, um, these so-called vi- viruses show their head in every- in like all the different things I do.

[00:22:43] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:22:44] Toliy: So it's like no matter where I turn to, I almost feel at times like that like I'm almost like in like some kind of hamster wheel- 

[00:22:52] Eldar: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:22:52] Toliy: that I'm just, you know, be- be- because the, these, these things like, um, I guess there are some progress and some of them, you know, improving or going away, but I still feel like a presence of these things that I don't like.

[00:23:05] Eldar: Okay. You know? So with that being said, can I ask two questions before I forget? 

[00:23:09] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:23:09] Eldar: Number one, maybe you have a problem, tell me if I'm wrong thinking about this, of idealizing having an idealistic world viewpoint about how happiness or quote unquote your satisfaction should look like. Okay? That's number one.

[00:23:29] And number two, not having the ability to enjoy the progress that you did make already, like you just said. Sometimes I slow down, I'm like, "Oh yeah, I enjoyed this. I like that I progressed. I definitely am doing better." Yeah. But it's still not enough. 

[00:23:43] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:23:43] Yeah. 

[00:23:43] Eldar: So can that be a, a battle between those two things that you actually internalizing and maybe not seeing, not giving yourself enough credit, right?

[00:23:50] Or setting the bar of I, you know, I, like I said, so i- your ideal bar is so high that nobody would be able to jump over. 

[00:23:59] Toliy: Yeah, I'm not sure if the, the, uh, the ideal bar is so, so high. I just feel that, that, that like, um- 

[00:24:05] Eldar: You're just pissed in general, aren't 

[00:24:06] Toliy: you? Well, no, no. I'm honestly... Yeah. Yeah, no, fine. I'm pissed.

[00:24:09] Yeah. Okay, 

[00:24:10] Eldar: fine. Yeah. Yeah, 

[00:24:10] Toliy: no, fine. I, I overall am pissed. But typically you are pissed though. Yeah, no. In, in ge- in general I'm pissed about this thing because it, it's, it's just like when you are a particular type of person, which everyone is particular type of people, right? You could have- Yeah ... angry people, negative people- Yeah

[00:24:25] overly optimistic people. Yeah. Um, what else? Closed-minded people, anxious people. 

[00:24:31] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:24:32] Toliy: Whatever it is, w- what- what- whichever category that you fit into or, or you are, or maybe you have mul- multiple parts of you, right? Mm-hmm. Um, super ignorant, whatever it is, right? 

[00:24:44] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:24:44] Toliy: Um, these parts of you will show face in everything that you do.

[00:24:49] So to me it's just like the, the, the, the, the feeling I have internally is that like you will never be able to be truly happy with your life and like, um, enjoy it in the way that you're thinking about when you have these ideas as to the different reasons why you do, do the things, right? Like- Hmm ... I don't know.

[00:25:08] Maybe someone saying they're like, "Hey, I'm gonna get this job. You know, I'm gonna have a family, multiple kids. I'm gonna have a nice house," right? "Gonna make a good amount of money so I can retire, and then I can live at peace." That's what Cus 

[00:25:19] Eldar: said, yeah. 

[00:25:20] Toliy: Okay. This happens. Mm-hmm. This, this happens. They get the house, they get the job, they have the wife, they have the kids, they get the retirement, and they live in re- regret, for example.

[00:25:29] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Yeah. 

[00:25:30] Toliy: Well, what happened there? You, you, you like- 

[00:25:33] Eldar: Well, you were 

[00:25:34] Toliy: under a wrong 

[00:25:34] Eldar: impression ... 

[00:25:35] Toliy: You had that. Okay. So you had a plan, you had a vision as to how you did things. You did all of these things, and you still don't feel, and, and you still don't feel what you were aiming to feel out of it. So to me, the majori- 

[00:25:47] Eldar: Yeah

[00:25:47] Toliy: the m- majority, like I, I would say well in the high 90% aisle of, of people- 

[00:25:54] Eldar: How'd you get this number? '

[00:25:55] Toliy: Cause I fucking know. 

[00:25:56] Eldar: Okay, fine. 

[00:25:56] Toliy: I know. All right. 

[00:25:57] Eldar: All right. I'm not, I'm not gonna ask you for references. 

[00:25:59] Toliy: Yeah. Yes. I, I know. The majority of people will not be able to get out of life what they want. 

[00:26:06] Eldar: Wow.

[00:26:06] Toliy: Because- Wow ... because they're under false... They're un- they're, they're operating from an operating system that doesn't properly operate from logic, from truth. 

[00:26:16] Eldar: Hmm. 

[00:26:17] Toliy: So because of that, they're... Yeah, again, they're, they're, they're creating realities from themselves that are, that, that, that don't have feet to stand on, that aren't correct impressions- Hmm

[00:26:27] of the world or how things work to begin with. Hmm. So then they have to continuously work, they're continuously on the back foot- 

[00:26:35] Eldar: Yeah ... 

[00:26:35] Toliy: their whole life because of this. And in different extremes. Some extreme where it's like crazy bad. I don't know, they have to kill themselves. 

[00:26:41] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:26:41] Toliy: Some extreme where like they have to go murder to get something.

[00:26:45] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:26:46] Toliy: Different extremes, right? Where they have to abuse people or- 

[00:26:49] Eldar: Abuse drugs themselves ... 

[00:26:50] Toliy: whatever it is. 

[00:26:51] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:26:51] Toliy: Right? 

[00:26:52] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:26:52] Toliy: So, um- To me it's like how long can I, can I, can I continue desiring- 

[00:26:59] Eldar: Until you snap. 

[00:27:01] Toliy: Yeah. Desiring like good things for myself, for example- Yeah ... or like desiring to do things- Yeah ... or to change things.

[00:27:08] Um, but then continuously, um, not get what I want out of them. 

[00:27:15] Eldar: Like- You like playing that game, though. That's like a cat and mouse game. 

[00:27:17] Toliy: I hate that game. You know? 

[00:27:19] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:27:20] Toliy: So like, yeah, for, for- 

[00:27:21] Eldar: So do you feel like this? '

[00:27:22] Harris: Cause I'm at my breaking, breaking point, boy. 

[00:27:24] Toliy: Yeah, I don't know. You know, it, it, to, to, to me again it, it's, it's just like a crazy concept because it's like to me if you don't do this, you, you're just gonna be in the hamster wheel.

[00:27:34] That, that- Do what? That's how I feel. 

[00:27:36] Eldar: Do, do you need, do you 

[00:27:36] Mike: need to retreat? You know, like an ayahuasca retreat to reset the, format the computer? 

[00:27:40] Toliy: No. 

[00:27:41] Mike: You don't? 

[00:27:42] Toliy: No, not the ayahuasca retreat. I had a, I had like, 

[00:27:43] Mike: um, a thing maybe about this maybe. Like, I, I mean, I'm not sure if it does, but it, to me it sounds like it could be something there.

[00:27:50] I think like two, two things comes to mind, like, um, passion, right? And I'm not talking about the romantic one, Tom. Calm down. 

[00:27:59] Eldar: Tom is sitting there with a boner. 

[00:28:00] Mike: Yeah. And also purpose. 

[00:28:03] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:28:03] Mike: You know? Those two things like keep c- uh, coming, coming to me as we're talking, and it makes me feel like if you don't have that like, I don't know, purpose, right?

[00:28:16] I don't think you can... I think it's like a necessary thing, and that purpose, if it's not rooted in truth, you're not, you're gonna have this, what Toliy's saying, like a broken life. 

[00:28:25] Toliy: Mm-hmm. 

[00:28:26] Mike: You're just gonna be like, "Oh yeah, well, you're supposed to get a house, a white picket fence, two and a half kids," or whatever, right?

[00:28:32] Mm-hmm. What society tells you. But if you find your own purpose, right? Um, and something that you're passionate and you can express yourself in that way, I think that's a big thing. I think that's like leads to development of your character and your identity. 

[00:28:47] Toliy: Mm. But- 

[00:28:48] Mike: Because of like this like fl- uh, flip-flopping kind of thing.

[00:28:51] Like, like I know what he's talking about, and I'm experiencing that in the, in the rock climbing, the days when like- Mm-hmm ... I come in, I come as a, as a slug. 

[00:29:00] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:29:01] Mike: And the days I'm feel better about myself and I come as who I, I'd, I'd like to always be and be in that state. So I know what he's talking about and I feel like, feel that.

[00:29:10] Of course. 

[00:29:11] Eldar: All right. Before we go on to what Toliy's about to say, I'm glad that you brought up the rock climbing part, and I, I'm, I'm obviously very familiar with this identity because I went through the whole process with you. 

[00:29:18] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:29:19] Eldar: My question to you is do you or do you not get at least some sort of satisfaction in the fact that you've discovered yourself in a completely different light here?

[00:29:29] Mike: Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:29:30] Eldar: And how much of that is actually fueling you to keep going?

[00:29:37] Mike: Um, a lot. 

[00:29:39] Eldar: A lot? 

[00:29:40] Mike: Yeah. Uh, uh, like any, like I always say, like, discovering rock climbing is one of the craziest things that, like, uh- 

[00:29:46] Eldar: Yeah ... happened to me. Because you discovered something about yourself- Yeah ... and your abilities and who you- Yeah ... can potentially even be, right? Yeah. Yeah. Because you've actualized some of it- Yeah

[00:29:53] on the wall- 

[00:29:54] Mike: Yeah ... 

[00:29:54] Eldar: right? For yourself. 

[00:29:55] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:29:56] Eldar: And off the wall. 

[00:29:56] Mike: I realized that my whole life I was carrying, like, 100 pound weight. 

[00:29:59] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:30:00] Mike: But I can't unload it at once. Yeah. Uh, maybe half a pound at a time- Yeah ... or a pound at a time, and I'm realizing that, wow, this is so much easier to navigate life- 

[00:30:09] Eldar: Yeah

[00:30:09] Mike: without this 100 pounds. Yeah. Now it's 90 pounds. 

[00:30:12] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:30:12] Mike: So that's one of the greatest things. And, and are 

[00:30:14] Eldar: you not excited about this journey? 

[00:30:16] Mike: I am, but when I'm bad to myself- 

[00:30:19] Eldar: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:30:19] Mike: I'm not excited about it. You know what I mean? But that's the in- the thing is 

[00:30:23] Eldar: the in- So then, so then, so then this journey is almost not then serving you enough- 

[00:30:27] Mike: Mm

[00:30:27] Eldar: or you're not bought in enough- Yeah ... in order to get you through the moments of re- resilience that you need- 

[00:30:33] Mike: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:30:33] Eldar: in order to persevere during the bad times. 

[00:30:35] Mike: It's that, it's not only that. I, I- So what is it? ... I don't think that's what it is. I think it's the inconsistency in c- character. 

[00:30:41] Eldar: The- But why does that still exist if you already 

[00:30:43] Mike: tasted the- That exists because of the choices that are made before or throughout the day.

[00:30:47] Mm. The silent conversations that I haven't shared with you- 

[00:30:50] Eldar: Yeah ... 

[00:30:50] Mike: that still exist. 

[00:30:51] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:30:51] Mike: So there's still those things. 

[00:30:53] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:30:53] Mike: And I think the, the- That put you 

[00:30:54] Eldar: down ... 

[00:30:55] Mike: the big thing, like I said, you have a rough morning- Mm-hmm ... it's gonna spill over into your day. Yeah. Obviously, I don't have proof of this- 

[00:31:02] Eldar: No, no, no, I know.

[00:31:02] We talked about- But that's how I- We talked about this. Yeah. We talked about that daily little things, occurrences that you're not even aware of- Daily 

[00:31:07] Mike: violations ... 

[00:31:08] Eldar: are actually fucking you up- They, well, yes, that- ... in the back end. 

[00:31:10] Toliy: That, that's the point I'm trying to make here. It, like, in, in, in essence, is that, um, whatever that we desire to do, um- These different unmanaged portions of our life or viruses, whatever we wanna call them, right?

[00:31:26] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:31:26] Toliy: They're going to appear in the different things that, um, we get satisfaction from or that we, we enjoy. Sure, 

[00:31:33] Eldar: but can't we, can't we expect them because we're aware of this? Well- That, like, this is how they work, and this is who we are. 

[00:31:39] Toliy: Well, 

[00:31:39] Eldar: that's the thing. So why can't we meet them with grace? 

[00:31:41] Toliy: Well, the, the, the issue is that, one, there's too many of them.

[00:31:46] Eldar: Okay. 

[00:31:46] Toliy: And, and, and, like, our, our, our- 

[00:31:48] Eldar: They're overwhelming ... 

[00:31:49] Toliy: our antivirus software is not, uh Okay. I- it's not able to keep- Fair ... keep up with the demand. 

[00:31:54] Eldar: Fair. 

[00:31:54] Toliy: There's, there's w- way too many subconscious or unconscious- 

[00:32:00] Eldar: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:32:00] Toliy: um, issues that we all have, decisions, pathways of doing things, ways of thinking, ju- just, like, ev- ev- everything that makes up who we are as, uh, individually as people.

[00:32:13] All these processes that are all automated, um, that are all making decisions every single second of the day on different things that you don't even think about, um, they're all affecting these conscious things- 

[00:32:27] Eldar: Hmm ... 

[00:32:27] Toliy: these conscious efforts that we have. And because we're not able to connect the t- the, uh, two, we're not able to be con- like, conscious enough or have enough, like, conscious energy to tackle them.

[00:32:41] Eldar: Hmm. 

[00:32:41] Toliy: I think that we will continue to suffer in the desires that we, we have because we, we, we just won't be able to, um... Like, it's, um, um, it's an overwhelming amount of things, I think. 

[00:32:55] Eldar: Hmm. 

[00:32:55] Toliy: Um, so-

[00:33:02] Eldar: So you're fucked 

[00:33:03] Toliy: Well, well, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm not sure if you are, but I'm saying that like the, um

[00:33:11] The internal feel- feeling I, I have at least is that, like, to me it's like either these things have to be all addressed- 

[00:33:18] Mike: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:33:19] Toliy: and, like, you finally have to, like, ri- rid yourself in, like, a way- Mm-hmm ... of these things so that you could do things in more peaceful ways just in all of the diff- in, in, in, in, in all the different choices that you make because, like, um, to me a big, like, the, the, the big variable, yeah, is like some sense, like, a, a s- a sense of peace, right?

[00:33:41] Like, I, I know for example that, like, um, um, if you go play basketball or you rock climb, like, when, when you do, do things, and I said this be- before, like, I can tell that there's a, a sense of like there, there is, there's not like a, um, a, a lack of a sense of peace internally that you have that's bothering you from working on what you want to work on for the most part.

[00:34:05] Um- Mm-hmm ... and I, I, I, I, I see that per- personally when you engage in something. Mm-hmm. When, when you do something, you, um, there, there, there, there's like a particular pace to it, you know? 

[00:34:18] Eldar: Focus. 

[00:34:19] Toliy: Yeah. And the, um, whe- whether you're doing something fast or slow, it's like not, not that kind of pace. Like, there's a, a particular type of pace that when you're doing something, like, uh, if you're doing something faster or slower, you're in control of the speed that you're choosing it to go on.

[00:34:37] Where, for example, for people like me, I don't feel in control in those kinds of ways- 

[00:34:41] Eldar: Mm ... 

[00:34:42] Toliy: for many things I do. Um, like I'm just in the blender, you know? 

[00:34:46] Eldar: Mm. 

[00:34:46] Toliy: I'm not choosing, like, the speed. Like, like I'm just being spun. 

[00:34:49] Eldar: So you're being tumbled. 

[00:34:50] Toliy: Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah, I'm being tumbled. Um, so to, to, to, to me what I'm trying to almost like formulate or like say it's like until you address the, the, the, these things that, that, um, ruin parts of your day or that like bother you, to i- it's, it just like the, it's, it's a portion of it is like that ex- unexamined life that, that, you know, that, that, that Sarcats you said is not worth living.

[00:35:19] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:35:20] Toliy: So to me it's either like- 'Cause you 

[00:35:21] Eldar: know how much pain that causes. 

[00:35:22] Toliy: Yeah. So, like, to me- Yeah ... it's either like, okay, I continue, like, what I'm doing, um-

[00:35:32] Or, well, yeah, or I need to make like monumental fundamental change- 

[00:35:37] Eldar: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:35:37] Toliy: to, um, give myself an opportunity to see if, one, is it possible to just rewire your system or are you just kind of like plugging away a next life? Can I not be a nervous person, for, for example? Is that possible? So like in, in the process like, um, if it is possible Which right, right now I'm under the impression that it is 

[00:36:06] Mike: Yeah 

[00:36:06] Toliy: You know?

[00:36:07] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:36:08] Toliy: How do I rid myself from it? Or like anxiety, for example, or like fear. 

[00:36:13] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:36:14] Toliy: What do I do about it? Because to, to me it's like if I don't do something about it, I will just continue to have many subpar experiences in the places where I want great experiences or like, like you said, ideal experiences.

[00:36:29] But to me, it's It's very difficult to not think of that way because I, like, I, I just feel that, like, not, not like in an arrogant way, but, like, in, like, a way of, like, I feel like I've seen too much and I cannot unsee what I've seen. 

[00:36:44] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:36:44] Toliy: I can't un-understand what I've understood. 

[00:36:47] Eldar: Like, kinda worm's out.

[00:36:48] Right. Yeah. The 

[00:36:48] Toliy: worms 

[00:36:48] Eldar: are out. 

[00:36:49] Toliy: Yeah. So to, to, to me it's like, yeah, like, like you, like you're, you almo- you, you almost have... In, in, in, in like a way, I feel like it's required to like, to put your life on the line. 

[00:37:02] Mike: I think that's what it is. 

[00:37:03] Toliy: You know? 

[00:37:04] Eldar: I think that's what it is. 

[00:37:05] Mike: Yeah. The problem that like, uh, that you're describing is the not fully picking a side, and I think it's probably due to lack of education or enough 

[00:37:21] Eldar: Empowerment from education 

[00:37:23] Mike: Yeah.

[00:37:23] Empowerment from education, yeah. In the education process, you discovered the purpose of your life and which is, I think, to examine your life, and to be able to do that as much, as often as, uh, as possible, and to enjoy the process. 

[00:37:40] Eldar: Well, he, he actually said this a couple episodes ago. He said that, uh, I think, well, maybe you did, I don't remember anymore, but very specific.

[00:37:46] He said that the purpose of life- 

[00:37:48] Mike: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:37:48] Eldar: is to figure out your purpose of life. Mm-hmm. Like, you know, it's like to think. 

[00:37:52] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:37:52] Eldar: To actually get it. 

[00:37:53] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:37:53] Eldar: You know what I mean? 

[00:37:54] Mike: Yeah. I, uh- 

[00:37:55] Eldar: To work on yourself. 

[00:37:56] Mike: Yes. Yeah. 

[00:37:56] Eldar: That's the purpose. 

[00:37:57] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:37:58] Eldar: That's it. 

[00:37:59] Mike: That's it. But it doesn't- To keep 

[00:38:00] Eldar: leveling up. 

[00:38:00] Mike: Yeah, it do- it is.

[00:38:02] But in order for you to educate yourself, you have to probably humble yourself to say that, "Hey, actually..." Because that's probably where the entire conflict comes from. You think you know, so you keep doing it. Obviously, you don't... Your actions don't, like, show that you know, but because we're arrogant, we act that way.

[00:38:21] Oh. We don't wanna say like, "Hey, you know, like- 

[00:38:24] Eldar: Yeah ... 

[00:38:24] Mike: I need help," or admit that I'm wrong or admit I don't know something. We're just... Also, we're in pain, so it's, like, a lot of stuff, factors. But yeah, I don't see it, like- W- with enough education to, to actually find out what is actually important. 

[00:38:43] Eldar: Uh, my question's still around the fact that maybe the bar is being set very high when it comes to, like, he's like, "I know what it should look like- Mm-hmm

[00:38:51] and how it should be." For example, if I'm the model behavior of maybe focus or whatever, and he's like, "Yo, he's focusing. He can be in the moment, he can enjoy himself and extract whatever it is he's distracted from." Mm-hmm. I'd like that kind of thing, right? That bar is very high nonetheless because of the fact that he's working with, uh, with things that, with variables that actually hold him back from being able to achieve that.

[00:39:13] So setting yourself up for that kind of, like, achievement- Mm-hmm ... or that kind of idealistic goal- Mm-hmm ... is, is like shooting yourself in the foot. 

[00:39:21] Toliy: No, but- Is there- But, but see, to, to, to me the, the difference is that, like, um, like of course I want ideal scenarios, and of course I wanna, like, I shoot for higher things, you know?

[00:39:33] Eldar: I think 

[00:39:34] Toliy: that's a 

[00:39:34] Eldar: problem. 

[00:39:35] Toliy: But, but y- so, so, so to, to, to me that, that, that doesn't even sound like what's, like, the hard part. To, to me the hard part is that, like, when, when, when I look at all of the stuff I'm talking about in, like, a nutshell, to me there's, um, a particular conflict that we're all in. Um, and the conflict is not with, with what we're trying to, like, achieve or what we're trying to do.

[00:39:58] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:39:58] Toliy: The conflict is with that other stuff. 

[00:40:02] Eldar: Okay. 

[00:40:02] Toliy: And the i- the issue to me is that you have no chance. Like, it's almost like, um, you know- I always give a analogy, so I have to just- 

[00:40:14] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Is this a Harry Potter one? 

[00:40:15] Toliy: No, no. Okay. This is just like a basketball one. Like, imagine you're shooting a free throw.

[00:40:19] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:40:19] Toliy: Right? And you have to just... You know, you make your free throws, and like you're a person that, like you, you, you could just... You have the ability- Mm-hmm ... to just like stand there and just, you know, you just take your dribbles, and you can focus, slow down, and shoot your free throws, right? Mm-hmm. Well, like for example, someone like my- myself, um, I'm shooting that same free throw, except I have like a duplicate version of myself, and like let's just picture like a ghost form, and I'm just like shoving myself- 

[00:40:44] Eldar: Mm-hmm.

[00:40:44] Toliy: Like- ... and like poking myself- 

[00:40:45] Eldar: Yeah ... 

[00:40:46] Toliy: while doing this all at the same time. 

[00:40:48] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:40:49] Toliy: So to me, when you're doing these things, like I don't see you being in conflict with yourself- Mm ... on all different types of, of, of matters, and that, that, that to me is the difference. 

[00:41:02] Eldar: Hmm. That I see. Maybe I'm very good at hiding it.

[00:41:04] Toliy: Um, so when you're at the free throw line, you know, you hear the, "Hey, girlies." 

[00:41:11] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:41:11] Toliy: You 

[00:41:12] Eldar: know? Mm-hmm. 

[00:41:13] Toliy: When I'm at the free throw line, I have like... Like I'm being like, like assaulted physically. 

[00:41:19] Eldar: Hmm. 

[00:41:20] Toliy: You know? 

[00:41:20] Eldar: Psyching yourself out. 

[00:41:22] Toliy: N- no, like I'm being like physically- 

[00:41:24] Eldar: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:41:24] Toliy: pushed and shoved and like hit.

[00:41:26] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:41:26] Toliy: That, that to me is like the difference. Hmm. So of course, if, if I'm gonna i- uh, if, if I'm gonna aim here to make eight or nine out of 10 free throws here, but- Mm ... you know, I'm at w- I'm, I'm fighting a different war at the same time, I mean, of course, like I'm on the back foot here. I'm, uh, the, the, the odds are against me.

[00:41:46] Eldar: Mm-hmm. So you're saying this is the analogy for like how people experience life most of the time? 

[00:41:50] Toliy: 100%. That, that's how I view it. Everyone's at war with something else that they're not wanting to address. 

[00:41:59] Mike: Yeah 

[00:42:00] Toliy: They're not wanting to address it. 

[00:42:02] Mike: Yeah, but do- And 

[00:42:03] Toliy: because of that- ... 

[00:42:03] Mike: do they know it exists? 

[00:42:05] Toliy: They, they, they, they probably- In some 

[00:42:07] Mike: moments of 

[00:42:07] Toliy: clarity

[00:42:08] Some, some yes, and some don't, right? Mm-hmm. Because of- oftentimes, like for example, if, if, if you're someone like, let's just say you were to talk to like a therapist, right? Mm-hmm. And you tell the therapist like, um, the therapist, you know, starts asking you questions. Like, what are they doing? They're just kind of like helping you organize your thoughts, right?

[00:42:24] Mm-hmm. And putting your things. But like if, if you were to like to, to list out one of the things that you're trying to like do- 

[00:42:30] Harris: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:42:30] Toliy: right? Um, I would almost bet that like we can s- we, we, we can sit here, and we can, um, go in like reverse way, and we can work backwards here. And like we can probably start asking you questions, and I would almost bet that for many of the answers that you're seeking, you would be able to answer like your own questions.

[00:42:48] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:42:49] Toliy: Like, I'm very confident of that. Yeah, of course. You would be able to come up with your own logical- 

[00:42:52] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:42:52] Toliy: Absolutely ... con- conclusions when you summon reason and when you summon- 

[00:42:55] Mike: Absolutely ... 

[00:42:56] Toliy: those things. 

[00:42:56] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:42:57] Toliy: But, um, before, before that happened, before that conversation happened, oftentimes when we express ourselves, we say like, "Hey, like I don't know how to do X, Y, and Z."

[00:43:07] But then that person starts asking you questions, and you just lay- You do know. Of course ... you, you actually do. 

[00:43:12] Mike: Of course, 

[00:43:12] Toliy: yeah. So the premise to begin with, the operating system or like the way of doing things that you're going into it saying that you don't know how to do this, that, that, that, that's completely wrong.

[00:43:23] Mm-hmm. So fir- fir- fir- first off, you're using the wrong words, and you're fighting the wrong battle to begin with. 

[00:43:29] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:43:29] Toliy: So the, the, um, the frustration point is not that like, um, "Hey, I don't know how to, you know, climb this or do that or do, do, uh, do this, or I'm not sure how to do this or that." There's a completely different war that you're fighting on the back end that's giving, giving, giving you problems.

[00:43:48] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:43:48] Toliy: But when we express ourselves, 

[00:43:50] Mike: we don't say that. No, but that war, it's, it's a, you're fighting it, but you're also, in the paradoxical way, you're also seeking solace in it. 

[00:43:57] Toliy: Well, sh- sure. What I'm saying is that like you're, you're, many people are not, are not, are not even aware of this to begin with.

[00:44:04] Mm-hmm. And, and I, I understand that. 

[00:44:06] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:44:06] Toliy: What I'm saying is that like, uh, once you do become aw- aware, aware of it, I, I, I just don't see how you cannot, um, address it. Like- 

[00:44:20] Mike: Yeah, but- And, and- ... again, what does it mean to become aware? Well- And for how long do you become aware? Like, it makes me think about, uh, again, Socrates, "If you stumbled upon the truth, don't just pick yourself up, examine it."

[00:44:31] Well, 

[00:44:31] Toliy: that, 

[00:44:31] Mike: that's the point. But how far are you willing to go to examine that thing now it's bothering you that you're discussing? 

[00:44:36] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. Or the average per- Like, I, yeah, like, I feel like you, you ha- you have, you have to do whatever it takes. 

[00:44:41] Mike: But is that what you do? Is that what most people do? 

[00:44:44] Toliy: That, that's what most people don't do.

[00:44:46] Mike: That's- But that's also why most people- So, so then, then that explains what the whole predicament- 

[00:44:49] Toliy: 100, 100, 100%. 

[00:44:50] Eldar: That's also- Well, the thing is, yeah, I agree with Toliy. You have to put your whole life on the line here. 

[00:44:54] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:44:54] Eldar: Yes. And regardless of what the situation is, the small, whatever nervousness or whatever- Mm-hmm

[00:44:58] it is, problem you found in your life- Yeah ... the shit is in the details. 

[00:45:02] Mike: You can't move on. 

[00:45:04] Eldar: All the, all the answers, if you really dig into that- Yeah ... one problem, you'll find out everything. Of course. But you have to put your shit on the line. You 

[00:45:12] Toliy: have to. Yeah, and oftentimes, in whatever, you know, fears or problems or issues we all have, we're at times willing to little bit chip away at this- Yeah

[00:45:20] chip away from that. Look in that. But most of the time we wanna hide and we wanna run. Yeah. And we don't wanna do this because we're, we're in pain. 

[00:45:26] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:45:26] Toliy: You know? And because we're in pain, we wanna numb the pain, we wanna- 

[00:45:31] Mike: Yeah ... 

[00:45:31] Toliy: you know, not address these things. Yeah. Right? But because, like, the, uh... But the, um, result that most people don't, don't know in r- in, like, the, the, uh, the, uh, cause and effect here, the, the, uh, the effect that, that's, that's going to happen is that- Majority of the things y- that you will seek out to like do and want will not end up in the way that you envision it.

[00:45:56] Because you, you just can't... Y- you're not capable of coming up with a sound plan and executing it, and it actually being from the beginning, middle to the end more or less aligned with the truth. Mm. Where you're gonna actually seek out something and get what you want from it. And I think that- Yeah

[00:46:16] everybody wants this kind of life where they could do that, where they could say like, "Hey," like, um, "I wanna do this." And then they go on the creative quest of doing it, and they enjoy the process of doing it. They don't need to- And they 

[00:46:29] Eldar: get what they want from it, from the- Yeah ... not only the journey- They don't have-

[00:46:31] but also the destination. 

[00:46:32] Toliy: Yes. They don't have to em- e- employ discipline or pain, or like, they just operate out of like in like amazing things like creativity, like, uh, passion, curiosity. 

[00:46:45] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:46:45] Toliy: Right? Like- 

[00:46:46] Mike: Mm. 

[00:46:47] Toliy: Uh, like all great feelings that we've all had at some portions and at different parts of what, what, what, what we do- 

[00:46:54] Mike: Yeah

[00:46:54] Toliy: but struggle to on-demand pick and- Implement 

[00:46:57] Eldar: it ... 

[00:46:57] Toliy: yeah, pick and choose our destinies, and pick and choose how, how, how our life goes. 

[00:47:03] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:47:03] Toliy: We're, we're, we're just, we're, we're fighting like a, a, uh, invisible war. We're not sure like who the enemies is, who's even in the war, like what's going on, uh, at all. So like to me it's like pe- people just get like birthed into this world, and they experience these problems, and many of them just die.

[00:47:26] And then they get, you know, if they, you know- Sent back ... believe in reincarnation, they get sent back. 

[00:47:31] Harris: Yeah. 

[00:47:31] Toliy: Try again. And they give it another crack, 

[00:47:33] Mike: right? But, but I think like, uh, in the overall, like what you're saying, I think this is normal. I think this is, so far I think this is the process. Because you're not gonna be able to go and fight the big boss, right?

[00:47:48] Right now we fight little bosses sometimes, couple times a week, couple times a day, whatever, you know. Like I don't know the fucking number, but you need to build yourself up in o- in order to face that final boss. 

[00:47:58] Eldar: Who's the final boss, Mike? 

[00:48:00] Mike: Well, I think it's your ego or like- 

[00:48:01] Eldar: Mm ... 

[00:48:01] Mike: whatever's holding you back from ultimately picking a side 

[00:48:07] Eldar: For 

[00:48:07] Mike: what?

[00:48:07] What's 

[00:48:07] Eldar: the side? 

[00:48:08] Mike: Do you wanna live an examined life? Do you wanna find out how to be happy? Mm-hmm. Do you wanna find your purpose- Mm ... your passion, whatever? All these questions, like to live a good life, you can't just say, "You know what? That's it. I'm gonna live a good life today, and then tomorrow it's gonna occur," because we have too much baggage.

[00:48:24] But you're not gonna go to a war with all your baggage. First you need to unload your baggage more and more so then you can, when you do get to the, to the final br- like that crux, you know, like they say- 

[00:48:33] Eldar: Mm ... 

[00:48:34] Mike: the crux of the b- the battle- 

[00:48:35] Eldar: Mm ... 

[00:48:36] Mike: that you are actually equipped for that war. So I think maybe you're not giving yourself enough credit, and you are setting the bar too high, and maybe, like, uh, maybe it's impatience.

[00:48:48] I don't know. Uh, wanting some results faster or something. But, like, the, the wins that you do have and the improvement of your quality of your life, I think as you keep going down that path, you will, if you keep going down that path, you will inevitably face that big boss, which is the final decision, where you no longer actually have a choice in the matter.

[00:49:09] Because right now you're still, like, you, me, whatever, we're still dealing with that, those two voices- 

[00:49:16] Toliy: Yeah, but I don't- ... within ourselves. Yeah, but I don't, I, I, like, I, I'm, um, like, like I feel like I'm, I'm agreeing with some things, but I'm also viewing it differently as like, I, I feel that like, um, unless you, you really sit there and you think about these types of things and you just, um, al- almost wage some kind of, like, self-imposed war, 

[00:49:39] Mike: right?

[00:49:40] Yeah. 

[00:49:40] Toliy: Sure. I, I still don't see how you will, you, you will get to a point where you'll, you'll live the life that you're looking for. I, I feel like- 

[00:49:51] Mike: You might not get it tomorrow, but in a few years you can. But- 

[00:49:54] Toliy: I don't think so ... 

[00:49:55] Mike: it... Well, I th- I mean, unless you're willing to drop everything, go to school for the next 10 years, and dedicate your life to educating yourself, to empowering yourself.

[00:50:05] But, like, you have desires. You wanna do things. You wanna barbecue. Barbecue? 

[00:50:10] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:50:11] Mike: You wanna chill. You wanna watch UFC. Like, you wanna do things. If you wanna do that- 

[00:50:16] Eldar: No, but he's having a problem with the fact that, like, he wants to do those things, but he can't really enjoy them 100% because of the other stuff.

[00:50:23] Yeah. 

[00:50:24] Toliy: Which with, with enough d- distraction I can for 

[00:50:29] Eldar: periods of- But what do you, what do you mean distraction? 

[00:50:30] Toliy: Like with, with enough- 

[00:50:31] Eldar: But I think the with, with enough awareness, like even like the- Yeah ... the stuff that you worried about, like- Yeah ... barbecuing or whatever and, like, making sure that the, you know, the brisket is perfect.

[00:50:39] Like you've examined it, you understood it, and you realized that like, "Yo, I, I need to tweak a little bit so I don't have to be like a nervous wreck doing it," which is right. 

[00:50:46] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:50:46] Eldar: Like that's a, that's a part of your life. I mean, you don't brisket every day, right? You don't smoke brisket every day. But that weekend when you do, you kinda can come in there with awareness that like, "Yo, I know how to come into this.

[00:50:57] I'm confident, and I'm gonna get exactly what I want out of 

[00:50:59] Toliy: it." Yeah. Yeah. Like- But you see, that, that, that, that to me is like to be able to do, do that, right? That's a nervousness portion. Like, so, like, there- Like, like, like we discussed ear- earlier, right? Um When you're, like, running late for something or you didn't plan properly or you didn't- Mm-hmm

[00:51:21] prepare pro- properly, you have absolutely good reasons as to why you should be nervous may- maybe or, like, these kind of normal feelings- 

[00:51:29] Eldar: Yeah ... 

[00:51:29] Toliy: where they're in normal ci- circumstances can, can be summoned. 

[00:51:32] Eldar: Correct. 

[00:51:33] Toliy: Right? Unforeseen things or whatever. 'Cause you're a bad 

[00:51:36] Mike: student and you didn't... Yeah. 

[00:51:37] Toliy: Whatever.

[00:51:38] So you should 

[00:51:38] Mike: be scared 

[00:51:38] Toliy: for the test. But I s- but, like, I also still, like, I prepare properly, I do things properly, and I still have these things. 

[00:51:44] Mike: Yeah, 

[00:51:45] Toliy: but- It's almost like- 

[00:51:46] Mike: But, but there's also, like, uh... But then that means there's, like, some more girls up in the house. There's still other things that are stopping you that you might not be aware of.

[00:51:54] Like, you're not, like, you may be doing the brisket, but you may be not even doing it for yourself or you may actually not even enjoy it. You may think you do, but it might be just another coping mechanism- Well, that- ... to distract yourself from the thing. So that's why your bad habits or your bad, you know, things that you have, they still spill over into that.

[00:52:13] Just, just for the record, 

[00:52:14] Eldar: okay? Mm-hmm. Since Toliy's been doing the steaks, the briskets and all this other shit- 

[00:52:18] Mike: Yeah ... 

[00:52:18] Eldar: there's never been better things that we've tried out there. 

[00:52:21] Mike: 100%. 

[00:52:22] Eldar: Okay? 

[00:52:22] Mike: 100%, 

[00:52:23] Eldar: I agree. His shit is, doesn't stink. Yeah. I, 100%. Like, you know, what's next on... And at times when it did stink- Yeah

[00:52:28] it's because, like, it's, a lot of times it's the variables that didn't- Yeah ... he didn't have control over. 

[00:52:32] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:52:32] Eldar: For sure. Most of the time, right? Yeah. Like, 90s%. Yeah. You know what I mean, Tyle? 

[00:52:35] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:52:36] Eldar: So there's enou- there's enough, uh, sample size here- 

[00:52:41] Mike: Yeah ... 

[00:52:41] Eldar: to be able to re- remove some of this nervousness that he's talking about.

[00:52:44] Mike: Mm-hmm. Yeah. 

[00:52:45] Eldar: You know what I mean? But you're saying that there's more girls up in that house. Yes. But those girls he has to discover. 

[00:52:49] Mike: Yes, that's what I'm saying. 

[00:52:50] Eldar: Like, I'm enjoying the fuck out of the steak. 

[00:52:53] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:52:53] Eldar: Sure, maybe I don't enjoy his nervousness. He's pissing me off with asking those fucking questions- Yeah

[00:52:57] about improvement of this fucking shit. 

[00:52:58] Mike: Yeah, 100%. 

[00:52:59] Eldar: You know what I mean? But we have a relationship where I can be honest and tell him like, "Yo, those burgers were dry." Mm-hmm. "You put the cheese the wrong way," or whatever- Yeah ... the fuck it is. Uh, so I can give him feedback. 

[00:53:08] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:53:08] Eldar: But his nervous asking questions like, "What can I do to do better?"

[00:53:11] Like, that's unnecessary. 

[00:53:12] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:53:13] Eldar: And it spills over onto me, but I tell him how I feel. 

[00:53:15] Toliy: Mm-hmm. 

[00:53:16] Eldar: And then we move on. Yeah. That's his problem. 

[00:53:18] Toliy: Yeah, but that- Yeah ... that, that, that's the point is that, like, you could do particular things like, like... Yeah, I, I, I just don't see what... What I'm saying, Mike, is that, like, um, unless these things are, like, there's, like, a focus on them or, like, an emphasis to really, um, a- address them and be serious about them, I, I just don't see how, um, you can consistently enjoy the things that you call joy, like, in your life.

[00:53:45] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:53:46] Toliy: I, like, I, I, I, I just don't see it right, right now. And that's not to say that, like, I don't enjoy parts of my life or, like, that. Mm. But to me, that, that kind of example of, of, of, like, I can walk you through how I did everything right, how I actually prepared. I actually watched the videos. I watched multiple videos, not to get, like, bias, um, opinions, right?

[00:54:09] Mm-hmm. Or, like, just one guy's point of view, right? Yeah. Or like that. Like, I watch many videos- Yeah ... form my own conclusions- Cool ... read different things. I already tried it and I already did, did it. 

[00:54:20] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:54:20] Toliy: And it worked out. Mm-hmm. Right? So, like, I'm, I'm not sitting there saying like, "Hey," or like, 

[00:54:25] Eldar: um- And you clearly display competence because like- Yeah

[00:54:27] you know, first of all, it's all testimonials. 

[00:54:29] Toliy: Yeah. Mm-hmm. And it's been consistent. Yeah. But, but for example, like if I know that, for example, like hey, like I was supposed to grind the pepper by hand and I use just like pre-ground one- 

[00:54:39] Eldar: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:54:39] Toliy: and I'm cheating myself, for example- Yeah ... like in that kind of way, like that might be a reason to, yeah, feel, feel bad- Yeah

[00:54:45] about things, right? But you won't do 

[00:54:46] Eldar: that. 

[00:54:46] Toliy: But I don't do that. Yeah. Yeah. You know? But I still have that, for example, that nervousness or that rush. It's like that, not like... It, it, it's not that... It, it's like, it... Ev- everyone likes it when life feels slowed down to, to, to you. And when it feels slowed down to you, that's when you can consciously think and do things properly and make the right decisions and go about things the right way.

[00:55:09] And ultimately, get what you want from things. That, that's what I'm like pre- preaching for here is to get what you want from things. Mm. Um, and I just 

[00:55:19] Mike: feel that like- But is, is there a prerequisite that the things that you wanna get the things out of actually Are meaningful to you and not something that's just a distraction or some copining or, or coping 

[00:55:31] Toliy: or something.

[00:55:31] Well, it, it, it could be. But that, but that's the point is that, like, if you don't, if, if you don't go on this type of quest, if you don't, like, you, you, you're just working from a flawed system that you've built to begin with. 

[00:55:42] Eldar: Well, okay, so w- so maybe then in the case of a brisket, what have you not identified to be able to then be at peace or not nervous about it?

[00:55:51] Well- 

[00:55:51] Toliy: Yeah ... well, no. It, see, it's not about it, because I can go in detail like I did to you why I can give you so many reasons, right, as to why, um Why there's actually no reason to be concerned, and I did. Yeah. 

[00:56:07] Mike: Right? 

[00:56:07] Toliy: See, 

[00:56:07] Mike: but, but then- 

[00:56:07] Toliy: But there, 

[00:56:08] Mike: that- But then the follow-up question- 

[00:56:09] Toliy: Yes ... 

[00:56:09] Mike: that's the kicker. So is it, what?

[00:56:11] Is it people pleasing? Is it not confident in himself? Maybe, maybe he wants a grade. Like, what we can do, for 

[00:56:16] Toliy: example, for- No. No, it's not that. No, no. No, it's not that. It's the internal virus that you have that's, for example, the virus of nervousness, right? For example- But- Or like anxiety ... no, 

[00:56:28] Eldar: but what I'm saying is that that can be alleviated with a, with a very specific system or a request.

[00:56:33] We can say that, "Going forward, Toliy, we're gonna, me and Mike, we're gonna sit down and we're gonna grade you on taste, on- Independently. Yes. 

[00:56:40] Mike: Independently, different rooms. 

[00:56:41] Eldar: Yes. On taste, on softness- 

[00:56:44] Mike: Sugar ... 

[00:56:44] Eldar: on- 

[00:56:45] Mike: He can make the criteria. 

[00:56:46] Eldar: What? Sugar. Sugar with the tea. Sugar 

[00:56:48] Mike: with the tea? Yeah. He can make the 

[00:56:50] Toliy: criteria with- No, no.

[00:56:50] That, that's not what it is. That, that, that, that's not what I'm talking about, though. 

[00:56:54] Mike: It's, it's- No, but I'm saying that, like, that could- I- 

[00:56:55] Toliy: That could be like- That's not something that I'm experiencing. Like, what, what I'm talking about is that, like, it's in the process of, it's in the way that, like, it's in the way that you go about things.

[00:57:04] Okay. I already, I al- So you're saying the whole process is just nervous ... I'm already, I was alr- Yeah. I, I was already nerve- n- nervous 50 times before you came, came over. When 

[00:57:09] Mike: he was, when he was, when he was buying the brisket- You know? ... he was nervous- Yeah ... that they're gonna send a bad piece of 

[00:57:13] Toliy: meat. I, I was nervous about everything.

[00:57:14] Yeah. Right? 

[00:57:14] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:57:15] Mike: Um- Do you, do you... Now, question. Do you have- That's a 

[00:57:17] Eldar: crazy amount of attachments then, bro. 

[00:57:19] Mike: What? Do you have this kind of thing in everything? Well, no. It's- So all the things you engage in, like the, like the question, like, I guess the p- like the thing is the process of elimination, right? No, but wait a second.

[00:57:28] Eldar: I think that, I think to some degree I'm gonna say that taking ownership of something probably comes with a little bit of nervousness, where, like, if you actually wanna take ownership of something- Mm-hmm ... and you said you raise your hand, like, "Oh, I'm gonna do this," doing it right takes a little bit of, like, you know, anxiety, I would say.

[00:57:46] Because, like, you wanna make sure kinda all the angles are covered. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Yeah. 'Cause if you say, "Hey, I raise my hand, I wanna do this right," but then you're kinda sloppy and shit, like, then you're just a piece of shit. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like, you're just a liar. 100%. And he doesn't wanna be a liar, which is, it's a good quality.

[00:58:01] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:58:01] Eldar: You know what I'm saying? But I think, again, the standards are too high. You know what I'm saying? 

[00:58:07] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:58:07] Toliy: But for example, re- re- regardless of what the issue 

[00:58:10] Eldar: is- So if we iden- ... so what I'm, let me finish. 

[00:58:12] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:58:13] Eldar: So if we have identified the standards to which we're going against, which are controllable by him, and we said, "We're gonna grade you on these specific standards"- Mm-hmm

[00:58:24] then he would know what to expect. No, but that's not even gonna help him- No, it's not, no, it's not that at all ... because he's nervous and the, the whole process is nerve-wracking for him. No, it's not that. No, because it's not identified, bro. 

[00:58:32] Toliy: No, it's not that at all. 

[00:58:33] Eldar: I'm telling you, if you've identified the stuff beforehand, say, "Okay, cool," then, like, if he's hitting those marks, those things will fall away to the side They should 

[00:58:45] Toliy: No.

[00:58:46] No, I'm telling you, it's not that 

[00:58:47] Eldar: You need to join- It's not- You need to join a cooking competition 

[00:58:49] Mike: No Do you, um, d- does this- It, it's the way that, it's- Does this happen, like, in everything that you do, you have this nervousness? Or is there some- No, I'm saying- ... areas of, like, where you don't have this? 

[00:58:56] Toliy: So, so I'm saying that, like, portions of, of, of these things that, like these issues that, that we have, these viruses- Mm-hmm

[00:59:04] they're in all of our life programs. Mm-hmm. Whether you're aware of them or not. 

[00:59:08] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:59:08] Toliy: Doesn't ma- ma- matter. Mm-hmm. Every individual, um, has these things. 

[00:59:14] Mike: Mm, okay. 

[00:59:15] Toliy: Everybody. And they, and, and they, and, and they pique their eyes at different moments at different times, and they're more vivid in certain places and less vi- Yeah, sure

[00:59:23] vivid in other places. Okay. So absolutely. All of these different things, like if, if, um, if, if you suffer from a lot of, for example, anxiety- Mm-hmm ... you will have anxiety in everything that, that 

[00:59:35] Mike: you do. Everything. 

[00:59:35] Toliy: Everything. 

[00:59:36] Mike: It's not, so you're telling me that because you had anxiety, you had an- in everything that you did, everything you engaged in, you had anxiety everywhere?

[00:59:43] It, it, it lives in- You were not able to do anything without an- anxiety ... 

[00:59:45] Toliy: it, it lives in every part of my life. A- 100%. 

[00:59:50] Eldar: But I think that mainly it's probably attached to a desire 

[00:59:56] Toliy: Well- 

[00:59:56] Eldar: And the desire for a specific outcome 

[00:59:58] Toliy: No, to me 

[00:59:59] Eldar: it's, it's- And the outcome, the, whoever sets the outcome is very harsh critic.

[01:00:03] Mike: Mm. 

[01:00:05] Eldar: That's why. 

[01:00:06] Toliy: Yeah. Well, so, so it, it could be, but my, my, my point is, is that like- Like you and 

[01:00:10] Eldar: your 

[01:00:10] Toliy: idealist ... if you don't find, if you don't- Yeah ... my, my point is that like- Yeah ... if you don't find- Yeah ... the essence of these things- 

[01:00:16] Eldar: Yeah ... 

[01:00:16] Toliy: right? 

[01:00:17] Eldar: I agree with you totally. You will... Yeah. I agree with you that these things should be uprooted, for sure, but I'm trying to find them, and I'm telling you that it sounds like you very, set yourself up to a very specific standard when you have a desire.

[01:00:27] When you have a crazy desire, you attach yourself to a high standard, a very high standard. And the thing is- And then you have to work- It's, uh, yeah ... yourself against that standard. You, the 

[01:00:34] Toliy: thing is- No. No, but you don't have to 

[01:00:35] Mike: work- It's unrealistic 

[01:00:36] Toliy: No. No. Yeah. You'll never reach 

[01:00:37] Eldar: that. 

[01:00:38] Toliy: No, no, but it's not even that, because in, in that scenario, for ex- for example of like the, the brisket or like the, the, uh, the, uh, steak examples, right?

[01:00:46] Like I know exactly what to do, how to do it, and I can explain it, 

[01:00:51] Mike: right? I have 

[01:00:51] Toliy: a question. And I can explain- Mm-hmm ... why it's going to work. And, and same way I told you with the brisket. There's actually no reason, 'cause it's the, it's, uh, uh, again, other than pot- potentially like rotten, rotten brisket or rotten steak, right?

[01:01:05] In, in the sense of like a brisket thing, it is absolutely pretty much fool, fool- Proof ... foolproof. 

[01:01:12] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:01:12] Toliy: If you follow particular instructions, which I know I did. I actually know I did, but I still have a nervousness in, in the process. But is 

[01:01:21] Mike: it because you take too much ownership of it? 

[01:01:24] Toliy: I don't know. 

[01:01:24] Mike: When you have to think about, uh- Well, that's worth figuring 

[01:01:26] Toliy: it out, 

[01:01:26] Mike: you know?

[01:01:26] When we tell you, when we give you confidence like, "Yo, this is amazing. This is banging"- Yeah ... do you believe us or no? 

[01:01:31] Toliy: Yeah. 

[01:01:31] Mike: Or is it 100% or there's a little glimpse- No, no, I do ... of like, "Hey- But 

[01:01:33] Toliy: that's, but that's, but that's 

[01:01:34] Mike: not even- ... I don't, I don't believe it," or, uh- No, 

[01:01:36] Toliy: but that, that, the, the, the issues I'm talking about here is not even after.

[01:01:40] The bulk of the issues are way before. 

[01:01:41] Mike: Mm. But is it also- It's not even that- ... attached to the feedback? 

[01:01:46] Toliy: No. That's 

[01:01:46] Mike: the thing. 

[01:01:47] Toliy: No. 'Cause you 

[01:01:48] Mike: guys give- Yeah, because I feel like even if we give him good feedback- 

[01:01:50] Toliy: Why, why do- It's always- Why do I sound like I'm underwater? '

[01:01:53] Mike: Cause you keep jerking the mic. 

[01:01:54] Toliy: No, I'm not even touching it.

[01:01:55] Mike: Even when we give him feedback like, "This is really good," I feel like there's still always more. Well, you know what? There's always more that needs to happen. What, what, what will happen if we said, "

[01:02:01] Eldar: I'm not giving feedback on anything going forward"? 

[01:02:04] Mike: You're gonna, the kid's gonna- ... jump off the cliff. Look, 

[01:02:06] Eldar: he's smiling.

[01:02:07] He's 

[01:02:07] Toliy: smiling. No. No, no, no, but I'm telling you- But- ... th- th- this has nothing to do with the feedback. Sounds like- Because you guys al- give me good feedback. 

[01:02:14] Eldar: No, 

[01:02:14] Toliy: I 

[01:02:15] Eldar: get it. Like, relatively, you know? But what if we, like, I'm not entertaining the feedback ever again. He's doing like, uh, 

[01:02:19] Toliy: he's- You, uh, I, I, I think you're missing the point here.

[01:02:22] Eldar: No, I actually don't. Actually, I'm spot on. 

[01:02:24] Toliy: No, I think you're missing the point as to w- what I'm talking about. This has nothing- I know what you're talking about ... to do with the feedback. 

[01:02:28] Eldar: I know what you're talking about 

[01:02:31] Toliy: Okay. Yeah, 

[01:02:32] Eldar: I, I, you know- I actually think that, I actually think that the reason why the high standards are, are existing in the first place is because you take, which is too much of an ownership- Too much, 

[01:02:41] Toliy: yeah

[01:02:41] Eldar: of the specific thing to try to do it right. Which I think that- You're putting too much pressure on yourself ... to some degree it's a good thing as a human to take ownership in stuff that you- Yeah ... wanna own, right? Yeah. And, like, do right, but not to that degree. 

[01:02:52] Mike: The thing is then it leaves no room for error or no room for, like- Yeah

[01:02:55] okay, it's not a n- And- It's not 100, it's only 99. He's 

[01:02:57] Eldar: taking it too much where he's not enjoying the process and, like you said, in peace. 

[01:03:01] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:03:01] Eldar: You know what I'm saying? So, like- 

[01:03:03] Mike: Yeah, like that day when me and you were making pasta- 

[01:03:06] Eldar: Yeah ... 

[01:03:06] Mike: I was having so much fun. I didn't care how it's gonna come out. I was enjoying myself because I was, like, doing weird shit, I was fucking with the dough.

[01:03:13] Yeah. Yeah, there were some moments of like, "Damn, this is not working out," but overall the pro- process was a lot of fun. Yeah. Because we're, like, trying new things- Not for hair ... which, which is always fun. 

[01:03:21] Eldar: She thought you ruined everything. 

[01:03:22] Mike: Well, yeah, I probably did. 

[01:03:23] Toliy: Yeah, yeah, for me it's definitely different.

[01:03:26] Mike: She's, you probably pissed them off with being jolly. Yeah. Yeah, and I think that's, like, to me it's like if it didn't come out, like, okay, I mean, like, we already know that we never did this before. Yeah. The bar is not high. It's like, obviously I'm not trying to sandbag it or, like, you know, fuck it up, but, like, I also wanna enjoy it and I did because, like, I got to, like, you know, do weird things, use weird tools, like, you know, be creative in a certain sense.

[01:03:47] Like, it's fun to me. Yeah. You know? But you were nervous in the whole process. Or, like, right? You were like you wanna make- 

[01:03:55] Toliy: Yeah, no ... 

[01:03:56] Mike: sure this is right, that's 

[01:03:56] Toliy: right. No, yeah. To, to me it was completely different 'cause I was going up against a different, like, um- Uh-huh ... yeah, yeah. Yeah, like a different scenario- 

[01:04:05] Eldar: Yeah, I 

[01:04:05] Toliy: think that-

[01:04:06] completely ... I 

[01:04:06] Eldar: think it's the outcome. 

[01:04:08] Toliy: Yeah. N- Well, so- 

[01:04:08] Eldar: I'm gonna start ea- A- anything he gives me now going forward I'm gonna eat in the closet. 

[01:04:14] Toliy: No, but I, I, I, I, I don't think it's the outcome, Elda. I think it's just, it, like, it's just- I think 

[01:04:17] Eldar: that you're misunderstanding the whole thing. 

[01:04:20] Toliy: Yeah. I, I mean, I would love an explanation, but, like, to, to, to me it's like, um, when, when I do particular things there, there's a nervous energy that- How about 

[01:04:28] Eldar: this?

[01:04:29] I, I, I know how to do, I know how to test this. 

[01:04:32] Toliy: Okay. 

[01:04:32] Eldar: All right, you ready? 

[01:04:33] Toliy: Yeah. 

[01:04:34] Eldar: It's gonna be very interesting and funny to me, but you should do this. 

[01:04:37] Toliy: Okay. 

[01:04:37] Eldar: Okay? Buy the brisket and don't invite anyone. Do it for yourself and see what happens. If you have the same effect- I'll be baffled No, I can't picture it having the same effect You can't picture it?

[01:04:53] No. You see? There's your answer. Do it for yourself. 

[01:04:57] Mike: It's the, the feedback of other people. 

[01:04:59] Eldar: There you 

[01:05:00] Mike: go. Your dad is a killer at this game. 

[01:05:01] Eldar: My dad, yes. He like- He lost his mind ... he lost 

[01:05:03] Mike: his mind. 

[01:05:04] Eldar: But my dad has no- He's bad ... fucking nervousness. 

[01:05:07] Mike: No, he has no nervousness, but he's bad. He don't give a fuck. He doesn't give a fuck if it's bad or if he- If he gets good feedback-

[01:05:11] didn't do a good 

[01:05:12] Eldar: job ... he wants to fish out the good feedback. The good feedback. And if you tell him bad feedback- He said, "You're wrong." He says, "You're 

[01:05:17] Mike: wrong." 

[01:05:17] Eldar: He, he, 

[01:05:17] Mike: he, yeah, yeah. 

[01:05:18] Eldar: Yeah He fucking cracked the system, bro. 

[01:05:20] Mike: Yeah, he did, which is pretty sick, but he's always 

[01:05:22] Eldar: fishing for compliments. And then he, I go, "Did you use the right product?

[01:05:24] Did you buy organic?" He didn't buy organic, bro, for example, right? 

[01:05:27] Mike: He didn't, he didn't, he didn't 

[01:05:27] Eldar: do 

[01:05:27] Mike: anything right. 

[01:05:28] Eldar: For example, right? He lie. He lies. He goes, "Yeah, it is." Yeah. He's the fucking man. He doesn't follow any recipes or 

[01:05:34] Toliy: anything. Well, I'm not, I'm not willing to do that kind of a delusion, 

[01:05:36] Eldar: you know?

[01:05:36] I know, but I'm just saying. Yeah, yeah. My dad is next level extreme. Next 

[01:05:39] Mike: level, 

[01:05:39] Eldar: yeah. I'm explaining to you, do this test. 

[01:05:41] Mike: Buy it for yourself, a small piece. 

[01:05:42] Toliy: Yeah. 

[01:05:43] Mike: Do it for yourself, and see what happens. Yeah, like you cook for yourself- Yeah ... and you cook. Sometimes you tell us like, "Yo, I made this banging thing."

[01:05:49] Yeah. How did that process go when you cook for yourself? That's much better, bro. Like when you cook at home by yourself, it's not pleasant for you? You're not like enjoying? 

[01:05:57] Eldar: Um, no, I could be enjoying. 

[01:05:58] Mike: There's no pressure, bro. It's not as nervous. 

[01:05:59] Eldar: There's no pressure. There's 

[01:06:00] Mike: no pressure, yeah. Yeah. 

[01:06:01] Toliy: Like for example, today, right?

[01:06:05] I told you about the, the discount. I ordered the brisket for the White House cart, 

[01:06:08] Eldar: you know? Can you tell the audience the, how much is the brisket and what kind of brisket you fucking ordered? 

[01:06:13] Toliy: Well, I ordered... Well, so I, so I got a Wagyu brisket. 

[01:06:16] Eldar: Mm-hmm. You're on 

[01:06:16] Toliy: top level shit- This is 

[01:06:17] Eldar: gold ... with Wu ... gold series.

[01:06:17] Just say that you're, that you're American pride. Like you're proud to be American. Yeah. You bought American Wagyu- Yeah, sure. Yeah ... for Jan- June 14th- Gold ... America's birthday. Yeah. Gold label. Gold, yeah. So that what he's fucking... He's, he's setting himself up for crazy nervousness. Yeah. But I'm a tell you right now, this is exactly what he wants.

[01:06:36] What? Oh, my God. He loves this feeling. Yeah. Yeah, same thing? Yes. Wow, yo, you're a total nut. Yes. 

[01:06:44] Toliy: It's 

[01:06:44] Eldar: sick. You love chaos. People like being sick. No, 

[01:06:46] Toliy: but, but- Yeah ... but, but just a funny s- scenario. I told you. 

[01:06:48] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:06:49] Toliy: And there, there was a sale. 

[01:06:50] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:06:50] Toliy: Right? So I'm going to pick out- 

[01:06:52] Eldar: Don't say this fucking on air that we're buying shit on sale.

[01:06:55] We're buying top fucking tier, tier meat. No, no, I'm still- And you say we bought it on sale ... okay. 

[01:06:58] Toliy: So hold on. Let me finish the story. 

[01:07:00] Eldar: Give the fucking, uh, the real price, the retail. Don't say, don't say the sale price though. 

[01:07:02] Toliy: No. Just say retail. Let me just tell you the, what happened. 

[01:07:04] Eldar: Okay, 

[01:07:04] Toliy: fine. You're gonna find it very funny.

[01:07:06] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:07:06] Toliy: You know? There's a 20% sale. 

[01:07:09] Eldar: Fuck. 

[01:07:09] Toliy: So I'm like, okay. The, the, the retail price of these things are over, over $200 each- Mm-hmm ... just, just, just for the record. 

[01:07:16] Eldar: Good. 

[01:07:16] Toliy: Right? In, in southern states, people buy choice brisket for 2.99 a pound. 

[01:07:21] Eldar: Whoa. 

[01:07:21] Toliy: $2.99 a pound- Yeah ... is what a good price is on sale- 

[01:07:24] Eldar: Yeah, 

[01:07:24] Toliy: yeah

[01:07:24] in southern states So you're getting something $20. For, for, for example, 15 pounds, it's at $30. 

[01:07:31] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:07:32] Toliy: This thing's over 200. 

[01:07:33] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:07:33] Toliy: Okay? So I'm going and I'm looking, and I see that not every size of brisket is on sale. 

[01:07:40] Eldar: Mm. 

[01:07:40] Toliy: So I'm like, "Why not?" 

[01:07:42] Eldar: Uh-oh. That's already, like, doubts. 

[01:07:45] Toliy: But yeah, I'm like, "Yo, why the fuck not?"

[01:07:47] Eldar: Yeah. Yeah. 

[01:07:47] Toliy: I pick up the phone. 

[01:07:49] Eldar: Okay. 

[01:07:49] Toliy: Well, no, no, sorry. Before I pick up the phone, I go online. 

[01:07:51] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:07:52] Toliy: And I search. I'm like, "Hey, are there particular size briskets that don't come out as g- a- as good?" Wow. Wow. And I look it up, and they say, "Actually, yeah." 

[01:07:59] Eldar: Wow. 

[01:07:59] Toliy: If the brisket is too big, the, the cook is not gonna be...

[01:08:03] It's not gonna come out proper- Mm ... and some people get baited by buying the larger ones. 

[01:08:06] Eldar: For 

[01:08:06] Toliy: cheaper price. And they don't, and they don't come out as good. 

[01:08:08] Eldar: Wow. 

[01:08:09] Toliy: Wow. So then I go look, and I g- And I'm like, see, I'm like, "Wait, which ones are the discounted ones?" And I already added to cart the larger one that I wanted.

[01:08:16] Eldar: Wow. 

[01:08:16] Toliy: And that was the ones that were the discount ones. Motherfuckers. So all the ones- 

[01:08:19] Eldar: Mm ... 

[01:08:20] Toliy: that were, like, the larger sizes. 

[01:08:21] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:08:22] Toliy: Not the size that I actually wanted or- Yeah ... originally. 

[01:08:25] Eldar: Yeah 

[01:08:25] Toliy: Right? Or the size I've been making for you guys- 

[01:08:27] Eldar: Yes ... 

[01:08:27] Toliy: is not the larger one. 

[01:08:28] Mike: Yeah. Mm-hmm. 

[01:08:28] Toliy: Right? 

[01:08:29] Mike: Not on 

[01:08:29] Toliy: sale ones, for the record.

[01:08:29] 'Cause it doesn't... Yeah, and it... 'Cause it doesn't cook properly. And people are, like, saying like- Mm ... "Yo, don't buy that one." Sick. Yeah. "Because you're gonna have parts that are gonna be bad and, like, rubber this-" Wow ... or like that. 

[01:08:37] Mike: Wow. 

[01:08:38] Toliy: So then I call them, and I'm like, "Yo, why aren't all of them on sale?" Yeah.

[01:08:41] "Because I don't want... I want a different size, but I wanna get the 20% off." 

[01:08:44] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:08:45] Toliy: And they're, and they're like, "Well, there's particular sizes that we're trying to push for the sale." 

[01:08:50] Eldar: Okay. And you would know exactly your answer 

[01:08:52] Toliy: right there. So then I went and I bought the one not on sale. 

[01:08:54] Eldar: Wow. Good. Yeah, that's good.

[01:08:56] You see that? See- Sick ... this is a guy who has passion- Yeah ... who takes ownership, who does- Yeah ... his research. Yeah. And then educates us. You know what I mean? 

[01:09:03] Toliy: She, she wasn't gonna tell me that, like, "Hey, no one's buying those. That's why we're putting them on sale." That's, yeah, that's true. 20%'s 20% of, like, 

[01:09:08] Eldar: people that go- Tell them like, "Yo, yo, now that I know the information, we'll take it for 50% off."

[01:09:14] Toliy: You know? We'll, we'll 

[01:09:15] Eldar: deal with 

[01:09:16] Toliy: some of the rubber parts. So the, the, the thing is this, I got a smaller one. 

[01:09:18] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:09:19] Toliy: Sick. And that price comes out to more than the- Yeah ... larger ones- Sick ... without the sale. 

[01:09:23] Eldar: Wow. Mm. Now you learned something. You fu- see, he's a fucking nosy- Yeah ... bastard. Yeah, he is a nosy fucker.

[01:09:29] Toliy: You know? 

[01:09:31] Eldar: Sick. Sick. Good shit. Good shit Yeah, so do you agree with us or not? 

[01:09:40] Toliy: So my, my, my, like, my, my overall premise with this whole conversation begin with, right, is that, like, I, I just feel that individuals that don't get out of life what they're trying to get out consistently- 

[01:09:53] Eldar: Yeah ... 

[01:09:53] Toliy: they have particular problems, right?

[01:09:56] And I just feel that, like, most people in general avoid the war and the battle and the pain to go through with addressing these problems, and they're not willing to put them- them- themselves almost, like, their, like, soul on the line- 

[01:10:13] Eldar: Mm ... 

[01:10:13] Toliy: um, and wage war against it, and they have, like, excuses or reasons as to why, and they have a lot of automated habits as to why, right?

[01:10:24] So my thing is that, like, it, it's, it's becoming for, for me at least more and more- pain- painful to know that this exists and not, like, the, the, the, the pain for me of knowing that this is, like, a thing that I'm thinking about- 

[01:10:43] Eldar: Mm-hmm ... 

[01:10:44] Toliy: and that to me it sounds like it's real, um, of course, unless I'm pro- proven otherwise, right?

[01:10:50] That pain to me is becoming larger than the actual pain of addressing, or, like, what, what it feels like would be of, like, "Hey," like, "I gotta just address these things." That, that's how I feel. Yeah. Like, I gotta just a- address it. And, uh, and, and, like, if I do address it, I need to go with the mindset that, like, I may almost die addressing these things, and I have to be all right with that.

[01:11:13] That- 

[01:11:13] Eldar: Yeah, no, that's, like- That's, like, how I feel ... uh, uh, and that- that's a good commitment. But, um, like I said, I think that, um, you are, are maybe shooting yourself, you know, I mean, selling yourself a little bit short here when it comes to being able to have the ability to track down some of these problems and very specific examples, like this brisket example, right?

[01:11:32] Where you can actually track it down to a very specific reason as to why you behave the way you do, and then work on that, on that specific thing- Yeah, I just 

[01:11:40] Toliy: don't know if you can go- ... to, to get rid of yourself of that ... like, what, in, in, in, in whichever thing that you do, I don't know if you can just go thing by thing to track this v- virus down.

[01:11:51] It's like you, you have to, like, remove it at the roots, you know? 

[01:11:53] Eldar: I agree. 

[01:11:54] Toliy: And the feeling I get is everyone's seen that video of that, that guy showering, and then someone comes from behind on the beach and just keeps pouring soap on his head. Soap, yeah. And he's like, "Yo, what the fuck?" 

[01:12:02] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:12:02] Toliy: The, you know?

[01:12:02] Like, you- Yeah ... you, you think you wash it all out- 

[01:12:04] Mike: Yes ... 

[01:12:05] Toliy: and then it's still fucking there. 

[01:12:06] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:12:07] Toliy: That to me is how, how it feels like with a lot of these different things. 

[01:12:10] Mike: But is that, like, the truth, though? Do you, like... Then you have, have you not felt any improvement in your life? Then that would- 

[01:12:17] Toliy: I, I have

[01:12:17] would that not engage 

[01:12:18] Mike: your theory? 

[01:12:19] Toliy: I, I, so I, I, I, I, I do feel improvement on some things, right? Mm-hmm. But I still, I, like, um, you could smell the existence of, of these things. 

[01:12:29] Eldar: And that's, I think that's a, that's just a testimony and a testament to the fact that he's been working on himself. Yeah. It's just certain acute things that used to be a lot worse gotten better, but he's still aware of the fact that, like, he's still got more dirt to shovel out.

[01:12:43] No, of course. Yeah, I, I just 

[01:12:44] Toliy: can't- And he's pissed ... yeah, I, I- Yeah ... just can't. Like, I, I, I just feel that, like, um- 

[01:12:49] Eldar: Very normal, I think. Mm-hmm. 

[01:12:51] Toliy: Yeah, I feel like I'm, like, I'm tired of being tired is what it is. But then there is, like, a cycle here of, like, you have reasons why you can't do things because you're tired, or you have reasons of this.

[01:13:00] Like, it's, it, it's, it just to me it's, like, un- un- unless you really address a lot of the- these things that you've been, like, running from or that you haven't been, have the, like, energy to do or maybe you're afraid- 

[01:13:14] Mike: Mm-hmm ... 

[01:13:15] Toliy: of, like, uh, oftentimes I think a lot of these illnesses of all these different things, they stem of, like, your fear of the consequences that happen from them.

[01:13:26] Mm-hmm. And what happens is that I think that you create or you manifest almost like what the consequences actually are. Mm. Whether you're right about them or not, you're not, like, mo- most people- Yeah ... are probably not even right about them. No. Right? It's like, "Oh, like, I didn't wanna tell you about this because, like, I thought you guys were gonna judge me and, like- Mm-hmm

[01:13:44] leave me as friends." Like, you know, you, you've, you've heard of different- Yeah, yeah, yeah ... examples of these things, of like why someone didn't say something- Yeah ... or like do something, right? Yeah. Yeah, of course. But then people, like, either find out or you tell them about it, and they're like, "Yeah, like what, like what are you talking about?

[01:13:56] Like, we wouldn't have done that." But this whole time, for example, you were thinking that, like, this is what's gonna happen, right? 

[01:14:01] Eldar: Yeah, 

[01:14:01] Toliy: you were completely wrong. Or like you, um, uh, like, I don't know, like a, uh, um- 

[01:14:08] Eldar: Are you going through the fucking rambling, 

[01:14:09] Toliy: fucking- No, no. So like- Is there examples now? This happens, I don't know, like a- I have to get a 

[01:14:13] Eldar: button for him.

[01:14:14] Toliy: What? All right. 

[01:14:15] Eldar: Ra- rambling, rambling examples. 

[01:14:17] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. Fine. 

[01:14:17] Eldar: Fine. Fine. He loves 

[01:14:18] Toliy: fucking doing it. I love examples. I love examples. All 

[01:14:19] Eldar: right. Fine. Give me one more. Give me one more. 

[01:14:20] Toliy: No. So my point is, i- is, is that, like, whether these things are real things or be- or, or, or m- or m- manifested outcomes that you're creating for y- for yourself, my theory is that lots of times, especially to, to, to me, because thing- things like, for example, anxiety have hit home for me for so, so long, lots of times you allow the anxiety to exist because you're fearful of the, the worst outcome that you've created at, at that time.

[01:14:53] Eldar: Mm. 

[01:14:53] Toliy: But, but if you were to say like, "Fuck it. Let that happen right now." 

[01:14:56] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:14:56] Toliy: Yeah. Right? 

[01:14:56] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:14:57] Toliy: Try being afraid of that now. 

[01:14:58] Eldar: Yeah. You can't. You're done. 

[01:15:00] Toliy: So that's what I'm saying about, like, putting, like, your- Amador ... your, your, like, your soul, like, al- almost on the line that it's saying that like, "Hey, um- If you're okay with whatever con- like consequences happen from this- 

[01:15:17] Eldar: Yeah

[01:15:17] Toliy: well, then you have no more fears anymore. Correct. Right? And that's like, I'll give you an example, 'cause you said you want, you want, you want an example, right? When it's game point, right? Yeah. Before I was afraid to shoot, shoot the ball, 'cause I was afraid of the outcome. 

[01:15:30] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:15:30] Toliy: Right? The outcome was everyone's be like, "Yo, why'd you shoot that shot?"

[01:15:34] Mm. Or like, "Yo, like that was a b- Yeah ... like, you know, whatever it is. The- Yeah ... the judgment, the view. 

[01:15:39] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:15:40] Toliy: The, that. Now I want it every single time. 

[01:15:42] Eldar: That's because I yelled at you harder than anybody would yell at you- For sure ... for not taking the shot. For, 

[01:15:46] Toliy: for, for sure. I fucking reversed the whole shit. You, you, you definitely ra- raised a lot of awareness, but now, like I'm willing to put that on the line of like, like- 

[01:15:54] Eldar: Yeah

[01:15:54] Toliy: be, be- because I'm willing to do it because I'm okay with all the outcomes that happen as a result. I actually am. Like I'm at peace there. Yeah. And I don't feel that nervousness at all. Yeah. I don't feel nervous at all. 

[01:16:06] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:16:06] Toliy: I, I actually like the, the, the... My, my, my, my favorite time is when it's tie game or point game.

[01:16:12] I love that. That's '

[01:16:13] Eldar: cause you wanna rub it in their face. 

[01:16:14] Toliy: Well, the- 

[01:16:14] Eldar: You're the meanest guy on the group ... 

[01:16:15] Toliy: that's it. You know? Like, but those kids are running amok, yo. 

[01:16:19] Eldar: They are. 

[01:16:19] Toliy: You know? Um, so yeah, like I, I definitely have that as to what I'm looking for. Like, like- Yeah ... it's there, but I want it to be there in, in like diff- di- different aspects of, of my, my life.

[01:16:33] Mm-hmm. And, and I, I, I feel like everyone either has to think about these things and address them, or if they're not aware of them yet, or they're not ready to, to address them, I just don't see how they will get what they want- But- ... out of the desires they want ... 

[01:16:48] Eldar: Ice50 Cent would say address them- 

[01:16:50] Toliy: Get rich or die 

[01:16:50] Eldar: trying

[01:16:51] no, address them or die trying. 

[01:16:52] Toliy: Yeah. 

[01:16:53] Eldar: Okay? I agree with that. You're, you're, you're calling for what Socrates called, "Unexamined life is not worth living." Yeah. Why is it not worth living? Because it's fucking riddled with a lot of pain. You most likely will suffer. And, and 

[01:17:06] Toliy: what happened? He was okay with being put to death- 

[01:17:09] Eldar: Yes

[01:17:10] Toliy: to not sacrifice his ideals, 

[01:17:12] Eldar: right? Yes. Not to be a coward 

[01:17:13] and, 

[01:17:13] Toliy: and flee. Not to be a coward. Yeah. Not, not to like say like- Yeah ... "Hey, okay, I'll shut my mouth," and, and like do, do, do that. 

[01:17:19] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:17:20] Toliy: He was able to live that way and do that thing because he was fine with whatever outcomes are, are in store as a result of, of standing on his prin- Principles

[01:17:30] principles, right? 

[01:17:30] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:17:30] Toliy: And I feel like in the different sicknesses that people have, like for example anxiety or something like that, those people, including myself at those times, were actually not willing to stand on that. Mm-hmm. And we actually, um- 

[01:17:42] Mike: That's 

[01:17:42] Toliy: what Ratched meant to help us ... rat- we're actually like a little bitch and we actually like succumb to those feelings.

[01:17:47] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:17:47] Toliy: And we say, "Oh no, please, okay. Like, just make sure everything's okay." 

[01:17:51] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:17:52] Toliy: And we, we, we, we almost make that deal with like the devil. The devil, 

[01:17:55] Eldar: yeah. 

[01:17:56] Toliy: Right? 

[01:17:56] Eldar: And then we regret your whole life. 

[01:17:58] Toliy: And, yes. 

[01:17:58] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:18:00] Toliy: That's what I'm trying, trying to say is that to, to me it's a very outcome based, um, thing where like y- you're just not willing to put, put, put the chips in, you know?

[01:18:10] Mm, yeah. You're just not. Which is why that person will continuously suffer- Rightfully 

[01:18:15] Eldar: so ... 

[01:18:16] Toliy: yeah, right- rightfully so. Mm-hmm. But the problem is that they don't know it. They like, to, to, to me at least, people just don't know that this is what's happening. 

[01:18:25] Eldar: But life, will life. 

[01:18:27] Toliy: Life will life- Yeah ... regardless of whether you wanna be curious enough to find out, that's for sure.

[01:18:33] Mike: Yesterday at the end of the day, what happened between Archie and Penny? 

[01:18:36] Eldar: I don't remember. 

[01:18:38] Mike: What were you kept telling Toliy? Survival of the fittest. 

[01:18:41] Eldar: Survival of the fittest, yes. Yeah, 

[01:18:43] Mike: yeah. 

[01:18:43] Eldar: Life 

[01:18:43] Mike: will life. She got the, the bone, the, the pig- Yeah ... pig's, uh- 

[01:18:46] Eldar: Ear ... 

[01:18:47] Mike: ear because she bullied him. 

[01:18:49] Eldar: Yeah. She 

[01:18:49] Mike: survival of the fittest.

[01:18:50] Eldar: Life is life. 

[01:18:51] Mike: Yeah.

[01:18:54] Eldar: Yeah. So anything else? I mean, we heard you. 

[01:18:59] Toliy: Yeah, like I, I, I definitely need time to like put this more like together and like- Yeah ... you know, figure, figure it out more. 

[01:19:06] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:19:06] Toliy: But I just like, I, uh, like I have an uneasiness, you know? Like, um, with, with the sub- sub object and like, uh, as Harry said, I'm on my fucking breaking point 

[01:19:18] Eldar: on this one, right?

[01:19:18] Harris: 'Cause I'm at my breaking, breaking point, 

[01:19:20] Eldar: boy. What? Mike, are you at your breaking point with this shit, or are you kind of like, you know? 

[01:19:27] Mike: No, I'm fighting it internally, yeah. You're 

[01:19:28] Eldar: fighting it. 

[01:19:29] Mike: Yeah, I'm fighting it internally, for sure. 

[01:19:30] Eldar: I, I remember this kind of stuff you were having with the girl stuff, when you doubting yourself or not being able to launch.

[01:19:36] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[01:19:36] Eldar: Right? You were like, "Yo, what the fuck is wrong with me?" Yeah. Like, "I'm bitching here. I can't fuckin'..." Yeah. "I can't take this shit anymore." Yeah. Like you were also pissed off. 

[01:19:43] Mike: Yeah. Yeah, but, um, yeah, I'm definitely like feeling that with the, with the rock climbing, those challenging moments, you know?

[01:19:51] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:19:52] Mike: The negative self-talk is still, you know, there. Yeah. But, but I mean, uh, um, I'd like to be done with it, but I also understand there's a process and- 

[01:20:03] Eldar: Mm-hmm ... 

[01:20:03] Mike: at least I think there's a process, you know? Giving 

[01:20:05] Eldar: yourself a little bit of grace. 

[01:20:07] Mike: Yeah. I mean, ultimately you, I'd like to make more choices, but I also know I have bad habits, so it's like- Yeah

[01:20:14] I can't be upset because I know I'm doing like what I'm doing. 

[01:20:16] Eldar: So you know you're a sinner. 

[01:20:18] Mike: I know I'm a sinner, yeah. 

[01:20:19] Eldar: I was gonna say, it takes some time to uproot all this nonsense- 

[01:20:22] Mike: Mm-hmm. Yes ... 

[01:20:23] Eldar: before you can truly enjoy yourself. 

[01:20:24] Mike: Yeah. And I feel like, uh, I, I wanna keep doing it. I, I mean, I'm enjoying it.

[01:20:31] Mm-hmm. I like the, I like the challenge. I wanna keep pushing myself. Yeah. I wanna get better, stronger mentally, you know? But it's also new for me, like this competition- Mm ... the sport stuff. 

[01:20:38] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:20:39] Mike: It's big. 

[01:20:39] Eldar: Do, do you think that, uh, getting a glimpse or like what Toliy said, like, yo, he, he knows too much now- 

[01:20:44] Mike: Mm-hmm

[01:20:45] Eldar: to put it all down and not keep looking into this closet, you know? 

[01:20:49] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[01:20:49] Eldar: Do you think that now that you have a glimpse of it, is it a form of punishment then?

[01:20:57] Or is it actually a good thing? Like, "Yo, I finally discovered something new about myself, that I have this ability, or maybe potentially actualize myself here a little bit more." 

[01:21:04] Mike: I don't know. Yeah. It's more like a, it's a gift and a curse. 

[01:21:07] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:21:08] Toliy: No. It's- It's- It's funny ... it's, it's a clear form of punishment- 

[01:21:12] Eldar: Mm-hmm

[01:21:12] Toliy: as a result of stumbling upon the truth. And not examining it. And not examining it. Yeah. Wow. That, that's what it is. 

[01:21:18] Eldar: Wow. 

[01:21:19] Toliy: And that, that's what I've been experiencing for a long time. 

[01:21:21] Eldar: Hmm. 

[01:21:23] Toliy: That's the punishment of, like- 

[01:21:24] Eldar: Yeah ... 

[01:21:25] Toliy: hey, like, you just found out- 

[01:21:27] Eldar: Yeah ... 

[01:21:27] Toliy: like- 

[01:21:27] Eldar: And you ain't doing 

[01:21:28] Toliy: shit about it ... the direction of salvation, for example.

[01:21:30] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:21:30] Toliy: Right? Yeah. And you're not gonna go there? 

[01:21:32] Eldar: Okay. Yeah. Enjoy li- 

[01:21:34] Toliy: life while you- You're gonna be reminded in every moment of your life- 

[01:21:37] Eldar: Yeah ... 

[01:21:37] Toliy: that you know exactly where to go, and you're not going there. 

[01:21:40] Eldar: Oh, wow. Yeah. That's interesting. 

[01:21:42] Toliy: It's an absolute curse forever. 

[01:21:44] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:21:45] Toliy: Because there's also the opposite spectrum that's saying, like, "Hey, there's also people out there that are completely ignorant about this, but they don't even know.

[01:21:54] And you're choosing-" Yeah ... "the same direction as them? Yeah. Who the fuck do you think you are?" 

[01:21:58] Eldar: Yeah.

[01:22:02] Do you feel sometimes you sh- you, you wanna be like the guy, uh, Cyrus? The virus? Cyrus the virus from, uh, not from Con Air- Matrix ... but from The Matrix, where he's like, "Fuck this shit, you know? I don't wanna know the truth. I don't wanna eat this fucking dirty cereal-" Absolutely 

[01:22:15] Toliy: not ... 

[01:22:16] Eldar: the truth. I just wanna eat this steak and look at that girl in the red dress."

[01:22:20] Toliy: Yeah. Absolutely not. 

[01:22:21] Eldar: No? Okay. 

[01:22:22] Toliy: Absolutely not. 

[01:22:22] Mike: I don't think it's possible. 

[01:22:24] Eldar: You don't think it's possible either? 

[01:22:25] Mike: Yeah. Not without, like, a serious, uh- Trauma? ... trauma to the head. 

[01:22:30] Toliy: Yeah. 

[01:22:30] Eldar: Hey, man. 

[01:22:31] Mike: You can't undo it now. Like, yes, those moments, like I told you that time when I went rock climbing, I was like, "Ah, why the fuck am I doing this?"

[01:22:37] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:22:37] Mike: That's, like, yeah, sure, that was a moment, but I don't feel like that. Yeah. I know I wanna do it, I know I wanna push myself, and I wanna- Yeah ... break through this, because I know how much of a, like, thing it is. Yeah. But that moment, yes, I'm, like, it, it, I guess it's n- like, n- I don't know, is it normal or not, but this is what I experienced, you know?

[01:22:54] Yeah. Like, um, but it's not to say that I wanna give up or not continue pursuing, pushing myself to, like, 

[01:23:02] Toliy: do, do better. E- even the, e- even the glim- the, the glimpses of when you are able to enjoy, enjoy yourself and where you are, are be able to be happy- 

[01:23:10] Mike: Mm-hmm ... 

[01:23:10] Toliy: they far outweigh the, the consistent ignorant person's life- 

[01:23:14] Eldar: Hmm

[01:23:15] Toliy: of not know- So it, it 

[01:23:16] Eldar: is 

[01:23:16] Toliy: worth it ... of not knowing. Okay. Which is why that whole sta- that whole sentence is incredibly true and exa- on it, it's, it's not worth living. 

[01:23:24] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:23:24] Toliy: What is, what, what, what kind of life is an ignorant life? Yeah. What is it? 

[01:23:28] Eldar: It's bad. 

[01:23:29] Toliy: It, it- Mm-hmm ... it's, it's just like- Choking ... an activation of time, right?

[01:23:32] It's just like a time, like, like it's like a ticking time bomb. 

[01:23:36] Eldar: It's hell. Yeah. Right? It's hell. That's perpetual, perpetual hell. 

[01:23:40] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah, it's hell. And all you do is you figure out things to blame, and you just like... I don't even know what you're doing 

[01:23:51] Eldar: Damn. Like you said, it was fucking over for you if you don't fucking figure this shit out.

[01:23:56] Toliy: Yeah. 

[01:23:58] Eldar: Yeah, so if you're a listener, you're trying to figure this shit out just like us, well, welcome first of all. Uh, let's keep going

[01:24:10] What do you suggest yourself? 

[01:24:13] Toliy: I don't know yet. 

[01:24:14] Eldar: I'm, I'm at my breaking point, boy. 

[01:24:16] Toliy: I don't know yet. Yeah, yeah. Just like I, I, like I actually don't know yet, you know? Mm-hmm.

[01:24:25] But yeah, to, to, to, to me again, like not only do I observe mys- myself do this, but I, like, I observe many other pe- people that I, like, know and I see, and I, I see how they operate, I see what they do, and I see a continuous not being able to do what you want scenario. 

[01:24:42] Eldar: Do you have... When you observe those people, do you have a desire to liberate them with your knowledge?

[01:24:49] Toliy: Do I have a desire to liberate them with my knowledge? 

[01:24:51] Eldar: Brother Toliy. 

[01:24:52] Toliy: No, I, I, I don't. Brother Toliy. No, I don't be- Oh ... no, no, no. Like I, I can't liberate them. Really? That, that, uh, no, I can't. 

[01:25:00] Eldar: I can't. No, but you do. I, I think, like, I mean, um, we come across these types of kids all the time, right? Like the nervous wreck kids and, like, I just told you about a new one that just- Mm-hmm

[01:25:08] started going to the gym, and, like, bro, he literally is shaking through the process of climbing, through the process of coming off the wall. 

[01:25:15] Mike: Mm. 

[01:25:16] Eldar: After the wall, he's shaking, like- That's 

[01:25:18] Mike: crazy ... 

[01:25:18] Eldar: you know what I mean? Like, I can sit him down, look him in the eyes, and, and, like, snap him out of it. 

[01:25:22] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:25:22] Eldar: You know what I mean?

[01:25:23] Like, and I probably will do that, and I'm not sure if I should, but- 

[01:25:25] Mike: Yeah ... 

[01:25:26] Eldar: because he's asking me, you know what I mean? Like, he, he came up to me and asked for help, you know? So, like, at some point I have to be real with him, like, because I know his physical abilities are there. 

[01:25:35] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:25:36] Eldar: It's all mental, like you.

[01:25:37] Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Though, like, yo, like enough is enough. The fuck is wrong with you? 

[01:25:41] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[01:25:41] Eldar: You know what I mean? But I do have that desire sometimes to be able to liberate those who are very, like, in that fucking crazy stupor. 

[01:25:53] Toliy: You know? 

[01:25:53] Eldar: Yeah, 

[01:25:53] Toliy: no, I, I, I, I, I thought that you were asking more of, like, like, can you just liberate peop- like, can you just give people fundamental change?

[01:26:01] Like, no. Like, 

[01:26:02] Eldar: no. Well, what do you mean no? I mean, I think that, like- 

[01:26:04] Toliy: Yeah, 

[01:26:04] Eldar: like you could snap- ... you underestimate, like, your sister, for example, right? You always bring it out how ignorant she is or whatever. Like, if you see her going through something and if, you know, there's a chance where she comes to you or whatever and a- ask you for advice, with a snap of fingers, with your words or your knowledge and logic, like, you can really wave away her fucking suffering.

[01:26:21] Toliy: No, you, you- That's how I feel ... no, I, no. I do feel like I definitely can do that for particular moments. I don't feel like I can just solve, obviously, I'm not like a Jesus where I could just solve, like, you know, like- 

[01:26:33] Eldar: I think you underestimate the 

[01:26:34] Toliy: pow- ... a 

[01:26:34] Eldar: fundamental 

[01:26:35] Toliy: thing. 

[01:26:35] Eldar: I, I do- You underestimate the power of, like, your understanding about life.

[01:26:39] Mm-hmm. You know what? Look- Your insights, Brother Toliy ... 

[01:26:42] Toliy: f- f- first I need to do it for myself, you know? Well, 

[01:26:45] Eldar: sure. 

[01:26:46] Toliy: Sure. Um, and then I feel like I'll have a, a much easier time, you know- 

[01:26:50] Eldar: Dealing with them ... 

[01:26:51] Toliy: no, do- doing, doing it for others in a, like a, in, in the correct way 'cause I, I, I have a tendency to, to not always doing in the- 

[01:26:57] Eldar: This is true

[01:26:57] Toliy: in, in the correct way. 

[01:26:59] Eldar: Well, yeah. 

[01:26:59] Toliy: You know? Um, but yeah, like I, I, I- 

[01:27:04] Eldar: I enjoy that process. I enjoy- Like, like my- ... the process of identifying that, like, yo, if this person really is fucking struggling, and then they gave me the green light to, you know, to teach them. I go in and insert myself with a very- confident way where it's like, "I got this."

[01:27:18] Like, are you kidding me? Like- No, 

[01:27:19] Toliy: for sure. But I also don't have many people knocking at the door- 

[01:27:22] Eldar: Sure ... you know, requesting- That's because you, you don't put yourself out there like that. 

[01:27:25] Toliy: Yeah. 

[01:27:25] Eldar: You know what I 

[01:27:25] Toliy: mean? Yeah, you know. But yeah, like, uh, w- my, my, my testimony, and not, not only is my own testimony, but again, like I, I repeatedly see other people who, who, who have a hard time extracting things that they want for themselves and from their life- 

[01:27:45] Eldar: Mm-hmm

[01:27:46] Toliy: in the way that they want to. Like- 

[01:27:48] Eldar: Yeah ... 

[01:27:48] Toliy: if you cannot have that kind of connection as to like what you want and what you envision and the ability to make it a reality Then what do, what do you, what do you have to me? 

[01:28:02] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:28:02] Toliy: Like, that, that to me is, like, the, the point, right? 

[01:28:06] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:28:06] Toliy: The point is almost for you to be that, that magician for yourself, right?

[01:28:10] Where you can- 

[01:28:11] Mike: Connect those dots ... 

[01:28:11] Toliy: you can connect the dots. You can do the tr- uh, you, you can just, whatever you want. Like, you- But how 

[01:28:16] Mike: does, like, the- You can just do it ... how does that, like, yeah, what you just said is very powerful. Like, to be that, magician is a bad word, but to, I think, but how to be that magician for yourself.

[01:28:25] How do you discover how to be that? 

[01:28:28] Eldar: Well- Well, first of all, you have to raise awareness that, that it's- Yeah ... possible 

[01:28:30] Mike: probably, 

[01:28:31] Eldar: right? Yeah, yeah. Like, he's understanding that there is, you can connect that gap between- Yeah, yeah ... what you actually want and desire, go on that journey and get exactly what you want out of it.

[01:28:38] Mm-hmm. He understands that. 

[01:28:39] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:28:40] Eldar: You know? And then over time, have the ability to practice it and almost encode it into yourself where it's part of your DNA almost to know how to, uh, find the balance in life and, and always be on that balanced, um, lifestyle. 

[01:28:54] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[01:28:54] Toliy: Yeah, yeah. I just feel that, like, there's particular, um, challenges may, may, may be that, like, you have to yourself or that, like, um, uh, or, or maybe just, like, particular outcomes that you're, like, afraid of, for example.

[01:29:12] And to me, tho- those are the things that are stopping you from being that kind of, of person, right? Mm-hmm. But again, like in, in the simple example of like the brisket, like, you know, if you just really have that attitude of like, "Hey, I'm gonna prepare right, I'm gonna do everything right, and I'm gonna cover all of the, all, all of the controllable variables here.

[01:29:37] And because of that, I also know that the odds are, are for me that, hey, 98 or 99, 98, 97% of the time it's gonna be great. And maybe the 2 to 5% of the time where like, I don't know, there was a bad piece of meat or something, right? Or like- 

[01:29:52] Eldar: Mm-hmm ... 

[01:29:53] Toliy: whatever. Like, I put it on overnight. What, what, what if the power went out?

[01:29:57] Eldar: Yeah, but 

[01:29:58] Toliy: that's not- Could I, could I have been upset? Like the, that I think that there's gonna be a power outage- Yeah ... lightning's gonna strike? You 

[01:30:01] Eldar: can't. You cannot hold yourself accountable for that. 

[01:30:03] Toliy: No. Obviously, in logical terms you can't be upset at that. 

[01:30:05] Eldar: No. 

[01:30:06] Toliy: Right? So if you cover those kinds of things and you're willing to, and you're actually a person that can think about that and accept those kinds of consequences, I think that like in that example, there's no reason why you should feel any kind of negative or nervousness or any kind of anxious 

[01:30:21] Eldar: feelings.

[01:30:21] I think that then you start to enjoy the process actually more. 

[01:30:26] Toliy: Oh, 

[01:30:26] Eldar: absolutely. The journey of the fact that you took ownership and said, "You know what? I'm gonna do this right." Like, you know what I mean? Like, he went far and beyond to find out why the fuck the other steak didn't cook. Mm-hmm. Like, in my mind, like what the fuck?

[01:30:36] I would've never thought about that, right? Yeah. But that's like, that's a cool discovery that he found because he wanted to find it, right? Yeah, exactly. And like you find joy in that kind of shit and like you should remember, wow, like I respect that. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like- 100%. So like competency is in his hands here.

[01:30:50] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[01:30:51] Eldar: But like not to be able to then extract the goodness from the journey- Yeah ... is to handicap yourself every time for, for an outcome that's like not necessarily is always 100% controllable. 

[01:31:01] Toliy: Yeah. Well, some, some people are like they could buy the larger one and they chop off a shit ton and they shape in a particular way- 

[01:31:07] Eldar: Yeah

[01:31:08] Toliy: um, where they get that smaller piece. But then I was like, "Well, fucking diff- difference here is gonna ultimately be like $30." 

[01:31:14] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:31:14] Toliy: Let me just get what I want. 

[01:31:16] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:31:16] Toliy: And that's it. And not fucking like- 

[01:31:18] Eldar: Yeah ... 

[01:31:18] Toliy: go back and forth here. 

[01:31:19] Eldar: That's right. 

[01:31:19] Toliy: Because I already saw that like, you know- 

[01:31:20] Eldar: Mm-hmm ... 

[01:31:21] Toliy: the like the big ones will, will come out bad.

[01:31:24] Eldar: Yeah. Fuck that. 

[01:31:24] Toliy: This is what a lot of people say. 

[01:31:26] Eldar: Yeah. And I think you made the right choice. 

[01:31:27] Toliy: And the diff- And, and again, if I show you the difference in price- 

[01:31:31] Eldar: Mm-hmm ... 

[01:31:31] Toliy: based on how much more weight you get for the larger ones, you'd be like, "The fuck? No brainer. Get this." 

[01:31:35] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:31:36] Toliy: But they do it intentionally because no one's pu- fucking buying those pieces.

[01:31:38] Eldar: See, now we know motherfuckers. 

[01:31:40] Toliy: Yeah. It's like, you know, why are the smaller, why are the larger ones on sale? The difference between... I, I got the one that was 14 to 16 pounds. 

[01:31:47] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:31:48] Toliy: 16 to 18 pounds, um, um, like it was like 16 to 18, 18 to 20, 20 to 22 were on sale. 

[01:31:57] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[01:31:57] Toliy: 9 to 12, 12 to 14, and 14 to 16 are not.

[01:32:01] Eldar: Yeah. '

[01:32:01] Toliy: Cause these are ones that people want. 

[01:32:02] Eldar: Yeah. There's always a catch, and you found it. Good. 

[01:32:06] Toliy: Yeah. 

[01:32:07] Eldar: That's good. So- Oh, did we catch it? But did we solve it? Is this- Is Toliy going on a retreat? Yeah. 

[01:32:18] Mike: His brother Toliy going on a long retreat. 

[01:32:20] Eldar: Listen, Jesus went on a retreat. 

[01:32:22] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:32:22] Eldar: Buddha went on a retreat.

[01:32:23] Mike: Yeah. Only- It's only right the next, uh, prophet- 

[01:32:26] Eldar: Yeah, goes on a retreat ... 

[01:32:27] Mike: goes on a retreat. 

[01:32:28] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:32:31] Mike: Who's gonna make the steaks while he's away? 

[01:32:34] Eldar: We'll figure it out. 

[01:32:35] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:32:36] Eldar: So guys, what are your final thoughts? Is any, any other additional things here?

[01:32:45] Toliy: No, I don't got... Yeah, yeah. No, I feel like a lot of people, I think, who, who, who listen to this might, uh, feel like, "Yo, that person's fucking insane," you know? 

[01:32:56] Eldar: No, I think, I think a long time ago, again, I'm gonna reference another podcast, you said, "Everything's in the details. God is in the details." I even quoted that.

[01:33:06] I think I even have a T-shirt coming up for that. 

[01:33:08] Mike: Mm. 

[01:33:08] Eldar: God is in the details. You know what I'm saying? And that's the truth. You know what I mean? And what we talk about is the details here, the details that a lot of people unfortunately... I'm not gonna use the word unfortunately, 'cause I'm trying to be detailed here, overlook.

[01:33:25] Toliy: Mm-hmm. 

[01:33:26] Eldar: A lot of people overlook the details. Right, so- But the happiness, happiness is baked in the details, and if you get the details wrong, you're fucked. You're gonna live an unexamined life. So yeah, those people who... That motherfucker that fucking made a comment on X- 

[01:33:44] Mike: Mm-hmm ... 

[01:33:44] Eldar: about, "Oh," like, "you fuckers," you know...

[01:33:48] I don't know if I showed you. Did I show it to you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I showed it to Toliy, right? I 

[01:33:50] Mike: saw it. "

[01:33:51] Eldar: You fuckers like said this s- this shit in two hours-" Yeah ... you know what I mean, "what Grok told me in 20 minutes," is a fucking idiot. 

[01:33:58] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:33:59] Eldar: You know what I mean? If we came up with the same thing where Grok, the all-knowing fucking AI, did, and we concluded this through reasoning- Mm

[01:34:07] you're a fucking idiot. Are you giving us a compliment here? 

[01:34:09] Toliy: And, and, and on top of it- Mm ... whatever you're saying that Grok taught you in 20 minutes, if it leads to you having to blog- block us, you didn't learn shit. 

[01:34:16] Eldar: That's right. You're a fucking... Yeah, you're a loser. You're a bum. 

[01:34:18] Toliy: So you're, you're... So what, what, what happens is that that person has created many delusions around him to actually do whatever he can to have a 10-foot pole away from the truth.

[01:34:29] Eldar: Oh, my God. He's a bad sinner. 

[01:34:31] Toliy: Mm-hmm. 

[01:34:33] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:34:34] Toliy: And that's how he's gonna live his life- 

[01:34:36] Eldar: Yeah ... 

[01:34:36] Toliy: with a, a, a 10- With his assumptions ... foot pole that's protecting him from the, the, uh, truth. 

[01:34:41] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:34:41] Toliy: And all he'll do is continue to go brick by brick by establishing more and more delusions around him. Delusions 

[01:34:46] Eldar: around 

[01:34:47] Toliy: him.

[01:34:47] So to write that comment and then, then to block them- 

[01:34:51] Eldar: Yeah, 

[01:34:51] Toliy: it's a- ... what a pussy. 

[01:34:52] Eldar: Yeah, what a pussy, yeah. Yeah. Not to have a discussion, 'cause I generally asked. I was like, "Yo, please explain." 

[01:34:56] Toliy: Yeah. "

[01:34:57] Eldar: What are you talking about here? Like what, what is... Is this a compliment or is this a jab?" 

[01:35:00] Mike: Mm-hmm. "

[01:35:01] Eldar: What are you trying to say with this?"

[01:35:03] That you don't wanna listen to the podcast because Grok will tell you this in 20 minutes? Like what, you're, you're, you're in a race? 

[01:35:10] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[01:35:10] Eldar: What are you, what are you in the race to, bro? 

[01:35:13] Mike: Yeah 

[01:35:14] Eldar: Yeah, so what were we, what, what was I saying? 

[01:35:17] Mike: The details. 

[01:35:18] Eldar: Yeah. I think God is in the details. 

[01:35:20] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[01:35:21] Eldar: Right? Believe God or not or whatever, but I think that a, a good life is in the details.

[01:35:27] Mike: There's a saying, "The devil's in the details," you heard this before? 

[01:35:29] Eldar: No. 

[01:35:30] Mike: You heard this before? 

[01:35:31] Eldar: Mm-mm. 

[01:35:31] Mike: Look it up, there's, like, a famous saying. 

[01:35:33] Eldar: Really? 

[01:35:34] Mike: Yes, and I'm not sure- Oh, they're 

[01:35:35] Eldar: trying to trick us ... 

[01:35:36] Mike: I'm not sure. 

[01:35:36] Eldar: I'm trying, we're trying to say the opposite here. 

[01:35:38] Mike: No, I think the God and devil may be the same thing.

[01:35:41] I don't know. Yeah. I don't know why they said it- Yeah ... or what that, like, uh, what that means, but it's a, like a famous expression. 

[01:35:46] Eldar: Yeah. 

[01:35:47] Mike: Okay. I think, I think. 

[01:35:48] Toliy: Yeah. Let's see. Let's look it up. 

[01:35:50] Mike: What I'm saying is that Toliy a long time 

[01:35:52] Eldar: ago said that, where, like, details is the most important thing- Mm-hmm ... and the people that take the stuff seriously, they actually go somewhere.

[01:35:58] Toliy: Mm-hmm. 

[01:35:59] Eldar: Right? They either become successful, they figure it out, and, uh, they're able to live a more fulfilling lives. 

[01:36:05] Toliy: The, the fa- the famous English idiom states that, "The devil's in the details," meaning that while a large concept may seem simple, the specific particles, the, the, the... Sorry, the specific particulars are complex and hold potential problems or require thorough attention.

[01:36:22] Eldar: So how's devils and details about this also? The, 

[01:36:23] Toliy: the original idiom, "The devil's in the details," and its earlier positive counterpart- No, it's the same thing you're saying, just from a negative- ... "God is in the details"- 

[01:36:29] Mike: Yeah ... 

[01:36:30] Toliy: that says, "The original idiom is the devil's in the details, and its earlier positive counterpart- Yes

[01:36:35] is that God is in the details- It's the same thing, just- ... as a reminder that meticulous attention to specific, uh, to, to, to specifics determines success or failure." 

[01:36:44] Eldar: So there you go. Yeah. That's... I just fucking 

[01:36:45] Mike: said 

[01:36:45] Eldar: this to you. Yeah. I didn't fucking Google this shit. You said this. I'm just re-quoting you.

[01:36:50] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:36:51] Eldar: You know? 

[01:36:51] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:36:53] Eldar: The... And, and that's what it is. So if th- those people who are listening and think that, like, this is retarded or whatever, you know what I mean? I, I'm not sure if they get it right. 

[01:37:00] Toliy: Mm-hmm. 

[01:37:01] Eldar: I'm not saying that we got it all right. But I'm saying that we're trying to crack, have a good crack at it, and that's why we do this week, week on, week off.

[01:37:08] We've been doing this for a very long time, right? So if you're just chiming in, we got Toliy on the mic, Mike on the mic, and Aldar on the mic. So welcome, and thank you. Now that we have to say that there's hundreds of listeners and thousands of listens. Let's see what we get All right. Anything else? Yeah?

[01:37:31] Mike: Yeah. 

[01:37:32] Eldar: Well, thank you so much. This was great